How To Overcome Self-Doubt

I want to talk to you today about something that I think is universal. I think it's something that everybody is consistently working on, whether they're actively trying to or not. I think it's something that we never really perfect, never really

Like accomplish. And I think it's something that everybody is striving for probably every single day. And that is overcoming self-doubt or beating self-doubt. And I think it's one of the biggest things everybody is trying to do, whether they know it or not. I think people are trying to do it in so many different aspects or parts of their life, in their career, in work, in

Dating in their passions, in whatever they want to do or succeed at or achieve. I think that the idea of doubt and doubting yourself and your belief in yourself and how to overcome that or working on overcoming that is a universal human experience that we are all striving to or striving for. And I think there is something in this.

And I think there is something in everybody that tells them that they can't do it or that they're not good enough that stops them from starting, that halts them before they even get to the starting place, before they even get to the green light. It's already red or yellow. And it denies them to it denies them the ability to even try.

And recently I talked about how when you get older, your dreams start to become less clear because reality starts to set in and things get a little bit more realistic. Life starts to take shape around you, and suddenly it feels like the things you always wanted to do, or the things that you dreamed of doing, or when your imagination was so big and so bold and wild.

Josh Felgoise (02:20.142)

That nothing could stop you from continuing to dream, suddenly it feels like those things are the farthest away they've ever been before. And whether you stopped chasing that dream or the thing you wanted to do or try because somebody told you that you weren't good enough or that you can't do it, or that you'll never be able to do that, and that you were never meant to do that.

When you were younger, or at some point before, or maybe it was recently, maybe it was now, maybe this person or this moment happened more recently in your life, and that's even harder to overcome. Whatever it is, whether it happened now or sometime before, maybe somebody made fun of you for the dream you had or the goal you said you wanted to accomplish or chase. And

That made you feel even less than you were before. That made that that pushed you even further from that goal. That made the doubt even bigger. That increased the noise of the doubt by so much more. Whatever it was that stopped you from doing it, whatever gave you that doubt or planted that seed of doubt in you.

Whether it was somebody else, whether it was yourself, whether it was you failing at the thing you wanted to do that made you believe that you could never do it because you were like, well, if I can't do it now, then I'll never be able to do it ever. Maybe it's the circumstance you're in. Maybe it was happenstance. Maybe there were so many things that happened that you completely lost sight of what you always or ever wanted to do because you don't even know you wanted to do it now. And

For whatever reason that your doubt got planted in you, it's in there. And we all have our own reason, or maybe many reasons, that we doubt ourselves and our abilities and don't even give ourselves the opportunity opportunity to try anymore because the doubt is so loud. And I know that there is one person out there who is listening to this.

Josh Felgoise (04:32.685)

And I know one person needs to hear this, and that is why this episode is important. And that is why I'm doing this episode because I was that person at a time and I needed to hear this, and I still do need to hear this. So if you've lost sight of your dreams, or if you've stopped trying, if you've given up, or you've completely lost any sense or idea of what you wanted to do, or why you wanted to do it in the first place.

Хір із гау та старт.

In this episode, I'm gonna talk to you about not why we lose the sight or why we start to doubt ourselves. Because as I said, we all have our own reasons, and there are plenty I could be here all day talking about why we doubt ourselves, or how there are so many naysayers and critics and criticisms and people who just don't believe in you that force you back, that push you behind the starting line, that make you sit down and realize and think like.

You know what, I'll never be to do that. You know what? I'll never be able to get there because I I don't belong there. I'm not good enough. I'm not strong enough. I'm not big enough. I'm not tall enough. I'm not whatever. Like there are so many things that we tell ourselves that that stop us from starting. And I don't want to talk about that today because I think that we we and I think I could go there for so long, but that isn't what is important. The doubt.

Josh Felgoise (06:30.031)

So, for whatever reason you doubt yourself, or the many reasons you doubt yourself, I hope that in this episode I can get you to a place that you decide to start again, that you decide to try again, that you start telling yourself, or you start planting the seeds of trying again, that you silence that doubt by even just a little bit, that you turn the volume on the doubt down.

Just a little bit. Maybe it's at 10 right now. And maybe after this episode, it's at nine or eight. And then after a few more days, it's at seven or six. And then after a few more months, it's at five or four. And then after a year, it's at three and two and one. And that doesn't mean that the doubt is always going to stay at one or zero. It might turn all the way back up to ten. You might fall again. You might fail again. There might be somebody that says you can't, that you won't, that you'll never be able to amount to it. And that might turn the doubt right back up to ten.

But knowing what you know now with what you can do, with what you can tell yourself, I think you will have the ability to turn that doubt back down again. Or at least I hope you will. That's what I hope that this episode can give you, and that's what I'm gonna try and do today. So I hope I get there and I'm gonna try my best to get there because I think that an episode like this, I think talking about a topic like this is really important. And I know there is one person out there that needs to hear this today.

I recently heard a speech that Taylor Swift gave when she won some sort of achievement award. It was like a maybe a lifetime achievement award at like an American music award or something. And she talked about the importance of honing your craft alone. Spending all the time you can with that thing. And anybody I don't know if I want to do that.

Josh Felgoise (08:56.505)

Sorry.

Josh Felgoise (09:19.503)

Okay, it's like eight. Maybe a shorter one, that's okay.

Josh Felgoise (09:46.733)

And it all starts with literally one action. It starts with you deciding that you can. It is as hard and as simple as that. Like it it really is. It starts with you sitting your ass in the chair and writing the first word. It starts with you lacing up the shoe. It starts with you picking up the weight. It starts with you deciding to try again.

Like it really is as hard and as easy as that. It all starts with you, how you talk to yourself, what you tell yourself day in and day out, how you wake up, what you believe about yourself. You have to

I heard

Josh Felgoise (10:38.755)

Where's the statistic? Hold on.

Josh Felgoise (10:46.851)

There's a sis there's a s there's a statistic I heard from trainer there's a statistic there's a statistic I heard from fitness trainer Robin Arzone that she said people who call themselves athletes work out three times more consistently than people who say they want to be healthy or be well or get fit because it's an identity shift.

Telling yourself you are something literally gets you to do it more often. Like it is a proven statistic that when you tell yourself you are something, you will do it more often. And that goes, I believe, for every element of your life. If you tell yourself that you are this thing, if you tell yourself that you can be because you want to be this thing, then you will continue to do it more often.

If you just say, I'm doing it for this or I'm doing it for that, or I want to try, I wanna do that versus I am, I can, like versus that really like s

Versus that like really

versus like s putting it in the sand or like putting whatever that statement is, whatever that phrase is, like putting your stick in the sand. That can't be the phrase, but I'm saying it. Putting that stick in the sand, being like, I am this thing, that will get you to do it. That will get you to actually believe that you are and that will start the self-talk.

Josh Felgoise (12:16.126)

And that will get you to the place you wanna be. You have to be specific about you have to

And tell yourself you are that right now. It is literally all about how you speak to yourself. Like everything is about how you speak to yourself. It's like this quantum physics type thing that I'm not gonna talk about because I don't know enough about, but like it's like this quantum physics, like quantum leap. It's it's

Josh Felgoise (12:45.16)

It's this incredibly interesting th thing. It's like quantum physics, I b

Josh Felgoise (13:22.676)

It's this like incredibly interesting quantum leap physics. Like, if you've ever seen Ant-Man like that type of shit, and I'm not gonna get into it because I don't know enough about, but like this is all backed by science. This isn't just like random shit that I'm saying. I'm kind of putting it into my own words, and these are my own words, obviously. But like, this is backed by science. This isn't just like random shit that I'm telling you. This is stuff that if you start to do it.

It actually works. It has worked for so many people before, and it will work for you if you try and if you believe. It all starts with how you speak to yourself and what you tell yourself consistently. How you speak to yourself is literally who you become. It is what you become. What you tell yourself directly dictates your act your outcome. What you tell yourself directly dictates your outcome.

If you tell yourself you are this thing, then you will be that thing. But if you tell yourself that you're trying, that you might be, that you're not sure, that you then you're not going to be that thing. If you tell yourself that I'm going to get the job, then at some point soon you will get a job.

Josh Felgoise (14:46.194)

If you tell yourself that you want to be this thing and you are this thing, then you will become that thing. It's not going to happen overnight. It's not going to happen tomorrow. It may not happen next week or next month. But if you continue to tell yourself that, if you continue to believe that, that is how you start to overcome the self-doubt. That is how you start to overcome the doubt. She also said that.

she also said that try to speak to yourself in second person and see how that hits different. And I really loved that. Like, you, you are this, you got this, you can do this, and see how that changes what you believe. Like instead of just saying, like, I being like you, you can do this. Like, you are stronger than this, you are stronger than this uncomfortable moment, you are stronger than just this moment of doubt or disbelief. Like you are.

better than this, you will overcome this. And talking to yourself like that is another way to kind of like change your belief or change your doubt in yourself. So I think if if the you, if the I stuff isn't working, try the you stuff. Like I I really do believe in this stuff. So so don't like listen to this episode and be like, this is like kind of and I really do believe in this stuff. Like don't listen to this episode and be like, like I don't I know what the fuck he's talking about. It it sounds a little crazy and it sounds a little far-fetched, but

This is how you can change your life. Like, I really do believe that. This is how you can change your outcome. How you talk to yourself directly dictates your outcome. What you tell yourself is what you become. What you believe about yourself is what you will be. Like it's as simple as that and it's as hard as that. And that's why I keep saying that, because it's not easy to change the way you talk to yourself. It's not easy to

Rewire the way your brain is working, especially when your brain has been working one way for so long. I think that the hardest part about overcoming self-doubt is that you've probably spent so long convincing yourself that you can't or you won't or you're not good enough that the doubt kind of builds up this tolerance to action. The doubt builds up a tolerance to what you're saying and what you're trying to believe.

Josh Felgoise (17:02.228)

That's why it's important to continue doing this day in and day out. It's why it's important to not give up on this after a day or a week or a month. That's why it's important to keep going. Because for so long, we spend so much time telling ourselves that we're not good enough, we're not big enough, we're not tall enough, we're not strong enough, we're not this, we're not that. That the doubt builds up this really intense tolerance to us trying something different, to us changing up the action. The doubt's like, wait.

What? Like he's he's doing it? What what do you mean he's doing it? What do you mean he's lifting a weight? What do you mean he's going to that section of the gym and trying that out? What do you mean he's clicking apply to the job? What do you mean he's actually changing his own life? What do you mean he's taking his life by the fucking balls and doing what he said he was gonna do? Because I never thought he would do that. What do you mean he's gonna actually try to walk up to the girl and say hi to her? What do you mean he's gonna ask her on the date? What do you he's gonna swipe right on the girl on hinge and actually say hi and ask for her number? What? He's gonna do it?

We never thought he was gonna do that. It's like the idea of like the inside out characters in your head like all looking at each other being like, Wait, what the fuck? He's doing it? And then they're all like, No, no, no. He's not gonna do that for that long 'cause like he's gonna try once and he's gonna fail and like okay, like and then he'll come back to us. Like he'll come back crying to us. Wait, he did it again? What what do you mean he's doing it again? What do you mean when he got rejected from the job he's applying to another? What do you mean after three rounds of interviews and w when he really thought he was gonna get the job that he's

Gonna sit down and try again? What what do you mean he's gonna continue to believe that even though he's been rejected time in and time out, like he's gonna keep going. What what? He's gonna do it? What what how? Because now that he's been rejected by three different girls, like he's not gonna go up to a fourth. Wait a minute, he's doing it? What do you mean? I never thought he was gonna do it. And

The doubt builds up this tolerance to you, and the only way to overcome the doubt's tolerance is through action.

Josh Felgoise (19:08.546)

And until you realize that you're the one controlling both the doubt and the ability to overcome the doubt with action, it will not go away. Until you realize that you are the one in both cars, you are the one driving doubt's car and action's car and beliefs car, they're kind of in one car together. They're in one's the driver, one's the passenger, action and doubt. Or sorry, action and belief, and the other car is just doubt. Like

Think about it this way: like one car is like super ugly, it's like browned, it's rusted, it's old, it barely works, like it it shouldn't work, but somehow it like the the engine just keeps turning on. Like there's no gas, it's on empty, but like how is it still going? And it still is. It's like this old, beat-down, rusted car. And then the other one, the action, the doubt, I mean, it's a fuck, I keep saying, and the other one, the action and the belief car, like they're like holding hands. One's like really hot.

They're holding hands in the car and action is the girl. Like she's yeah. And belief is the guy, and they're holding hands in the front two seats, and like they're both super attractive. Like they it's a it's a red hot Ferrari. And like they're looking at doubt, being like, ugh, like ew. And doubt's like, yeah, like you guys are never gonna beat me in this race. Like I it looks like I'm never gonna it looks like I can't even continue, but like

I'm going to beat you. And until you realize that you are driving both cars, until you realize that you are in control of belief and action as well as doubt, action will not be able to beat doubt until you realize that you are in control of this one too. And you pump the fucking gas on this one and start to inch out doubt by continuing to drive every single day. Then you start to inch out doubt. Then you start.

To beat him in the race. And the only way to can and the only way to combat it and the only way to combat and beat doubt is with continuous action and continuously talking to yourself and telling yourself that you can and you are. I hope that car reference worked. I really liked it when I was doing it. I think I got a little lost in the the action being hot, but like I hope it made I hope it made sense.

Josh Felgoise (21:39.382)

There are plenty of days, probably most days, when you don't want to or you don't feel like it. And those are the days that matter most. The days when you're you've lost a few times or you failed a few times, or it's not shaping up the way you thought it would. It's not looking like you thought it would. And the doubt starts to creep back in. It's like kind of the third quarter of the game.

Or the like however you want to shake it. Like it's that third time out of four where the doubt really creeps in that you start to the volume starts to turn back up on the doubt. And you're like, I don't know if I can do this. Like this is really fucking hard. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to accomplish this or finish this race or or beat this or do this or try this. Like I don't know. That is when it's most important.

To keep going. That is when the way you talk to yourself is the most important. It's the most imperative that you continue to talk to yourself and say, you can, you are, you will. Like that is where the you comes in because I am feeling doubtful, but you can fucking do this. You know what I mean? Only you can pick up the pen and start writing. Only you can wake up and think differently. Only you can go to the gym and lift the weight.

Only you can click apply. Only you can ask her out. Only you can tell your boss what you're doing and prove yourself at work. Only you are

Only you can decide that when you're tired and you don't want to and you don't feel like it that it's the right thing to do and you know it is good for you. Only you can

Josh Felgoise (23:28.768)

Only you can tell yourself that you should do that and it will make you better for it and lead to an outcome that self doubt

Josh Felgoise (23:39.67)

Only you can tell yourself that you should do it and it will make you better for it and lead to an outcome that defeats self-doubt one step at a time, one page at a time, one rep at a time. Only you can bring yourself to do that.

Josh Felgoise (24:01.154)

And that's the thing about self

Josh Felgoise (24:09.164)

And that's the thing about overcoming doubt. And I want your full presence here. It requires the only thing every single one of us is already equipped with. You and your mindset. That is it. It is already there. It is already within you and inside of you. Pause. It is already, sorry, I had to. It was already within you. It was already there for your taking. It is currently within.

your headspace within your mindset, you just have to figure out how to get there. You just figure out, you just have to figure out how to take it, how to use it, how to use it for good, how to manifest it, how to work with it. It is already there for the taking. Sure, somebody might encourage you or somebody right might recommend or advise you or tell you to, but only you can do it. And it is already there within you to do it.

And it's already there. It's already there for you.

Josh Felgoise (25:20.196)

So if you've lost sight of your dreams or what you wanna do, you've given up, you've stopped trying because you don't believe that you can, and you really don't don't bel you So if you've lost sight of your dreams or you've stopped trying or so if you've lost sight of your dreams or what you wanna do, or you've stopped trying, or you've given up because you just don't think you can, and you've stopped believing in yourself.

Sit down and write the first page.

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Put your ass in the chair. Put yourself in the place. And then do it again tomorrow and the next day. Put yourself in the place to start and start. Give yourself the opportunity to try and even say to yourself, let's see what happens.

Josh Felgoise (26:26.798)

Give yourself the opportunity to try. Start with one minute. Start with 30 seconds even, and then move up to five or move up to 10 or an hour. But in order to do any of this, in order to do anything, you have to give yourself the chance to try. You have to say, you know what? I want to try again. I want to start again. I want to start over. I believe in myself. I know I can do this. I am this person and I will continue to be this person.

And you have to put your s your ass in the chair to try. And once you start doing that again and again, and you start to either see the words on the page in front of you, or you start to hear the thoughts much louder and much more clearly, and you start to see that what you're doing is actually taking shape in front of you, or you see the kind of fruits of the labor that you've put in, or you see, or you see that.

And you see what you've done and what you can continue to do if you keep doing it, the doubt starts to quiet. Because you start to prove that you are better than the doubt. You prove it to yourself and you show yourself that you are better than the doubt. You prove that you are better. You prove it to yourself and you show yourself.

Josh Felgoise (27:54.53)

And that is the thing about overcoming self doubt, is that it's already within you for the taking.

And that is the thing about overcoming self-doubt, is that all of the tools you need to do it are already within you for the taking.

Josh Felgoise (28:14.89)

That is the episode. Thank you so much for listening to Guy Set, a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh. I'm 26 years old, and I'm here every single week, every single Tuesday, to talk about what should be talked about for guys. If you like this episode, I really hope you did. Please like, subscribe to this pop podcast. Five stars and review that's one to four five stars, not four, not three, not two, not one. It's five stars. Thank you so much, and I really appreciate that.

If you have anything to talk about that should be talked about for guys, head over to guyset.com, G-U-I-S-E-T.com. There is an ask me anything box right there. You can ask me anything, I'll be sure to talk about it. I'll include it in the next Dear Guyset episode, or if it's a question that I need a lot more time on, I'll make a whole episode out of it. Thank you so much to everybody that writes in every single day and every single week. You can also find daily blog posts on guyset.com across everything I talk about on here. It's just like what I do on here over there expanded, like the Guyset universe, multi-univ multiverse.

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If you can't find it here, it's definitely over there. It's just also another way to kind of like get advice or recommendations a lot more quickly than a podcast. so I highly recommend checking out guyset.com. You can also check out my other podcast. It's called If You're Going On Date This Week, where I talk about everything going on in the world in terms of music, movies, TV shows, pop culture, entertainment, sports, really anything going on in the world that you can talk about on your date. It's a great way to get conversation topics. Conversation started. I do it every Monday and Thursday. You can find it on the same channel on YouTube at Guy Set or a separate audio feed on any pot anywhere you find podcasts.

it's called If You're Going on a Date This Week, so check that out. Thank you so much for listening to Guy Set, a guy's guide to what should be talked about. And I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.