10 Things I Learned at 25

My birthday was on Sunday. I just turned 26, and I wanted to challenge myself to come up with what I have learned over this past year of life. I think birthdays are kind of this cool moment in within your own year, that it's like kind of your own personal new year. And I like to look back at the year.

At a glance. Like I look I like to look back at the past year and kind of like review everything and think about what I've learned, what I've gone through, what I've messed up at, what I'd like to do better, what I've done really well, the moments I felt really good about myself, the moments I felt really confident in what I was doing, the moments where I didn't feel confident in what I was doing, the moments where I was unsure, the moments where I broke through.

The moments where I figured it out, the moments where I did not think I could figure it out and I did. And just think about all of this as my past year of life and think about what I've learned in this past year. Because I really do believe that as every year goes on, you change so much. You learn so much more about the world and about yourself. You learn more about the people around you and how you are in relationships and how you are in your career and

What you're doing and what you're good at and what you're not good at, what you wanna do with your life, what you wanna make of yourself, what your purpose is, what you wanna make of this one chance at life. And I'm really reflective about birthdays. I think it's a really cool moment to take some time to reflect on the past year of your life. And I wanna share this with you in hopes that.

Either some of these lessons will resonate with you, or you will do this on your own when it becomes your birthday, or whenever it is your birthday throughout the year. I really like to look at this as my own personal new year, and I kind of reset my resolutions and what I want to do and my goals for myself and what I want to do with the next year of my life. I just think it's a cool moment to reset and restart and like take stock of what you've done and who's around you and

Josh Felgoise (02:36.227)

Just what you've built over this past year. And this past year has been filled with a lot of change, to be honest with you. A lot more than I thought it would be. I moved, I started living on my own for the first time ever in my life. I changed jobs. I took a lot more risks. I started believing in myself a lot more.

I have had moments where I did not believe in myself at all. I had a lot of doubt. I had a lot of comparison. I had a lot of great times. I had a lot of not so great times. I had a lot of low moments, a lot of high moments, and seriously everything in between. I think this past year has been, if not is, the most has been the most transformational of my life so far in terms of doing a lot of things differently, having to figure out a lot of things on my own.

work through some stuff like just it's learn how I am in relationships and in dating and and become I've become a better person, I believe, over this past year. I think I've been a lot more where my feet are instead of in my head. I think I've done a lot of things that I've wanted to do and I've started to see some of my dreams come true. And along the way I've really stuck to what I believe in and what I what I know to be true. And

I wanna share that all with you. So I spent a ton of time trying to put all of this into 10 lessons that I've learned this year and 10 things that I wanna share with you that I think will be applicable to everybody and and everybody can apply to their own personal experience and in their own lives.

I wanted to make sure that these lessons or these things that I've learned myself, you can also take with you. And these can be tangible and practical takeaways that you can apply, start applying today. I my goal here is that you take like one of these with you. Like, don't take all ten. You don't have to hear everything and be like, wow, like that's way too much. I'm overwhelmed. Like, this has been a year of learning and experiences and change and development. And I think.

Josh Felgoise (04:51.459)

Hope or hopefully one of these things will resonate with you. And if you've been listening this past year, I'm sure you've heard a lot of that. A lot of what I'm talking about in terms of moments where I felt like I had no idea what I was doing, and moments where I knew exactly what I was supposed to be doing. Moments where I felt good about myself and how I looked and where I was and what I was doing and all of that, and moments where I didn't. And

If you're new here, thanks for being here. I really appreciate it. I'm so happy you're here. And I'm really, really excited for this next year of the podcast. This is the fourth year of me doing Guy Set. So just to reintroduce myself, if you're new here, I'm Josh. I'm 26 years old. And Guy Set is a guy's guide to what should be talked about. And my goal is to answer the questions that guys are asking to make all of this feel a little less awkward, a little less uncomfortable, and a little less alone.

And I really do believe that kind of opening the vault to all of these questions and all of the things that guys are thinking about but never really talk about or know where to find the answers to is incredibly important. And I never saw it in the world before I started doing this. And I really can't wait to keep growing this and keep doing this every single Tuesday. I'm here every single Tuesday, and I think that this is my purpose. When you look at any year of

Over the course of 365 days, like it's going to be filled with a ton of ups and downs. It's gonna be filled with moments where you're exhausted and you're tired and you're super energized and happy and just feel like everything is going for you. Like if you look at three hundred and sixty-five days, there is gonna be so many moments of of like the the disparity, the juxtaposition, if you will, of the highs and the lows. I heard this thing recently that

In or in order to win any playoffs in basketball, you have to win four of the seven games. And if you look at your week like that, if you win four of the seven days, you've won. And I really liked that. Like I I just I actually wasn't gonna talk about that, but I really liked it. And I really do believe that over the past year, I have won four of the seven days every single week. That means if you felt good about yourself and what you were doing.

Josh Felgoise (07:08.218)

Just four of the seven days. That means you could have a crappy, a shitty, a bad three days of the week. You've still won the week. And if you look at that over a year, what is the math? I don't know that math. Hold on. Four divided by seven. Is that how you do that? It's 57%. So 57 per I did really did not expect to do math in this episode. 57% of 365. This is gonna be really embarrassing if I get this wrong. I probably will, to be honest with you.

Is it's not 20. I'll tell you that much. It's definitely not 20. let's just use our old friend Google because I don't know why I went to the calculator app. Th 57%. Is this just like embarrassing? I should be able do this on the spot. Of 365 is the drum roll, please. 208.5. So if you felt good about where you are and what you're doing and what you're supposed to do and

Felt confident, felt like you were where your feet were, not so much in your head, not so much comparing, and all of the different things that we spend so much time anxious on and all of that. If you felt good about yourself 207, 208 days of the year, you've won that year. And I really do believe that I feel like I've won this past year. Like I really feel good about what I've done and and where I'm going. And that means that back to the math.

365 minus 208. I should that means I could have been unsure, uncertain, anxious, in my head, fearful, doubtful, all of the things for 157 days in this past year, and I will still have won the year. And I really like that. Like I like that mentality moving forward too. Like

It is not a bad week or month or year if you've had a bad few days, or if you've had 157 bad days or days where you're not yourself or not feeling like yourself. That means if you have 208 days in the year that you feel good about yourself and you feel happy and excited and motivated and all of those things that you've won the year.

Josh Felgoise (09:19.986)

And I really like that and I'm bringing that forward into my year. And I feel free to take that with you too, because I think it's an incredible mindset to have. I think it's a growth mindset to have. Like instead of feeling like the day was bad and that makes the week bad and that makes the month bad, if you instead say, Okay, if I turn this around for four of the days this week or one more day this week, it will be a good week. And if I can turn this around, then everything else is gonna be up is I'm it's I'm gonna if if I can believe

That I'm feeling good or my mindset is good, I can really turn this around. And I really do believe in that. And starting there, these are the 10 lessons and things that I'm telling myself and things I'm still working on and learning. But I've started to learn this year and I want to share with you. And you'll most likely hear some of these topics or subjects in the next year of episodes. And as I continue to work on them and progress and learn.

I will be sharing what I do, of course. That's the point. And I'm I I love doing it. And and I think there's so much to learn in these 10 lessons, and I have a lot to learn too. So so starting off with that number one, what I was just talking about, have a growth mindset. There's this thing called a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. A growth mindset basically says that if you believe that things will get better, they will get better.

If you believe that you can turn things around, they will turn around. If you believe this, it will become that. And a fixed mindset is like, I know everything is bad, everything is not good, so everything will stay bad. And if you keep believing that and you keep telling yourself that, things will stay bad. Things will stay in that realm of shittiness. Like if you what you tell yourself, it's another way of saying what you tell yourself will become.

If that makes any sense. Like what you tell yourself, the message in your head is what actu is what you start to believe. It's another way of saying what you tell yourself is what you start to believe, and that becomes your reality and your real experience. If you tell yourself that things are gonna get better, they will get better. If you believe that things will get better, they will get better. But if you believe that you are stuck and things will stay the same and there is no way to fix it, and there is no way out of it.

Josh Felgoise (11:41.212)

Then that is where you will stay. It's a fixed mindset versus versus a growth mindset. And I really believe in having a growth mindset. I really genuinely believe in the bottom of my soul that, like, I don't know if that's an expression, bottom of my soul, but I really do believe this. And I'm trying to express that I think it's expressed. I really do believe that what you believe becomes true. That if you believe in yourself and that you can change things and that you have power and autonomy over things, they will get better.

And you are in control of your experience. Number two, you get to choose how you handle it. And by it, I mean everything. You get to choose how you handle everything. You can't choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you react to it and how you handle it. You can't pick the waves, but you can choose how to ride them. Number one and number two kind of go hand in hand. Like you

Can't control everything that happens or everybody around you or how everybody will act or react or what they will do or what they will say. You can't control what your boss is gonna say to you, what your girlfriend's gonna say to you, what your friend will say to you, what's going on in their life and someone else's life. You can't control all there's so many scenarios in life. You wake up every day and there are so many different things that you can't control. It feels like everything is almost always out of your control.

But if you believe that you are in control of how you react and what you do next and what you say, it starts to feel like life isn't happening to you and you are actually in control of your own life. It's also having that growth mindset versus that fixed mindset. They kind of go hand in hand. Number three, life isn't happening to you, although it can feel like it is.

There are so many things in the past year of my life that really took me down that are so far out of my control that felt like they were suffocating in a way. Like felt like they were this thing that was really going to take me down. And you get to choose how long you stay there. Like you really do get to choose how long you stay down.

Josh Felgoise (14:01.51)

There are so many moments where it felt like I was underwater and those waves that I was talking about. You you don't get to choose the waves, but you choose how to ride them. The waves that I was talking about were pushing me down underwater. You know the feeling when you're in the ocean and like a massive wave comes, or you're like body surfing the wave because you feel cool and you're really excited about it, but the wave absolutely takes you down and you're tumbling under the water and you're like scratching against the sand and you're like, fuck, like you're like.

You don't know what's gonna happen next. Like it kind of feels like you're drowning, but like you know at some point you're gonna get back up because you're not gonna drown. You're not gonna d you're not gonna die there. But like this wave really took you, it really hit you. It knocked you down and it tumbled you over and like it just took you for a fucking tail spin. Like

It it was you were not expecting it at all. You thought you were gonna body surf by the way. Like I think this is a great example. You thought you were gonna body surf. Like you were like, hey, everyone, watch this. Like you thought you were gonna look so sick body surfing this wave, and the wave was way too big, and you somersaulted forward and you hit your head on the bottom of the sand, and you were and you get back up and your ass is out and you're there's sand in your balls and like there's just s shit everywhere. And you're like, okay, but you're like really not. Like you low-key have a concussion, but you're like, I'm good. Like

You know that feeling? That is how I felt over the past year a few times. But and I'm sure you have too. Like I'm sure there is something in your life or a moment that you can point to over the past year where you're like, yeah, I know that feeling. I know the feeling of being pushed underwater and not being sure when I can get back up or how I will get back up. But somehow you do. Somehow you get back up.

You realize you don't want to drown, you're not drowning, and you're gonna come back up for air. You may be bruised, you may be knocked over, you may have the wind knocked out of you, but you're gonna figure it out. Number three.

Josh Felgoise (15:55.14)

Increase your surface area. You have to put yourself out there to increase your chances. And that goes for everything. It goes for work. It goes for dating. It goes for how you think, what you perceive, your experiences, your relationships, your friendships, your family. Like this really applies to every facet of your life.

You have to put yourself out there to increase your chances. And when you do put yourself out there, the chances of good things happening increase by so much. When you stay where you currently are, your experience stays the same. You don't give yourself the opportunity to try or to grow or to give yourself new experiences or better chances or opportunities.

But when you step outside of the box and you step outside of your comfort zone and you increase your surface area, your chances increase by so much. You give yourself so many new opportunities. This is one of the biggest things I've learned over this past year. I have increased my surface area by so much. Like I have gone to things that I did not think I would ever go to. I put myself in rooms that

I was nervous to be in or nervous to be at. I was in conversations with people that I never thought I would meet. I made business relationships, friendships, like all of these different things that I never thought I would see for myself or expect for myself over this past year by increasing my surface area, by putting myself in places where I was uncomfortable, by putting myself or entering rooms that I was nervous to be in or doubtful that I belonged in.

In rooms where I was looking around, being like, what the hell am I doing here? And why am I here? And how did I get here? And who do I talk to? And what do I do? And like all of those feelings that rush you when you don't know somebody and you want to just look at your phone and you want to like use that crutch and just start scrolling because you don't know anybody. But by looking up and by going to talk to somebody and saying, Hi, I'm Josh, nice to meet you. I have increased my chances by so much.

Josh Felgoise (18:12.496)

By increasing my surface area and putting myself out there, I have made so many new relationships. And who knows what will come from those. But I can tell you that some of them have already become fruitful. Like I can tell you that some of them have followed up, some of them have become like real shit. And I think that you have to increase your surface area and you have to put yourself out there to increase your chances, to increase your chances of positive opportunities.

And great things. Number four, or number what number am I on shit? I'm sorry. Number I think four is that nobody is going to do it for you. This is one that everybody says. Like, this is a piece of advice that everybody in every college speech, like you hear this one a lot, but it's so true, and I've really learned this one this year, that nobody's gonna do it for you. Like

Nobody is going to do the thing that you want to see for yourself. It's true. Like nobody is going to do it for you. Like nobody is going to make it happen for you. Nobody is going to click apply for you. Nobody is going to show up at the interview for you. Nobody is going to make you go on the date. Nobody is going to make you put yourself out there. Nobody is going to do it for you.

And this applies to everything as well, like in in all of the different facets of your life. Nobody is gonna make you force you to change your career or start dating or start putting yourself out there or start believing in yourself or tell you to stop comparing yourself or tell you that it's time to stop doubting yourself or tell you to do all of these different things. Nobody is going to do it for you.

Sorry for the siren, but I did I didn't want to stop talking. Nobody is going to do it for you, and nobody is going to make you step out of your comfort zone or push you out of your comfort zone or develop that confidence for you or overcome that self-doubt for you. Nobody is going to do it for you. And this is something that I've had to learn this year because there are so many days where I'm like, I didn't do enough. There are so many moments where I'm like, I really wish I did that yesterday. And then the next day comes and I was like, well, why didn't I do it yesterday? And like.

Josh Felgoise (20:25.616)

Then a week passes and I'm like, how the fuck have I not done this for a week? And then I finally do it and I'm like, I just wish I did that sooner. Like, why did it take me so long to get there? Why did it take me so long to actually do that? And what I've learned is that nobody's gonna do it for you. Number five is that it is in your best interest to build a network and start where you are. Like this, this one and the last one are kind of like business-y, but like I really

Do you believe in the power of building a network? And you're kind of taught from an early age in college that like networking is so important. Like you have to network, like build a network of people and like start where you are because whatever you start with, whatever you start doing, like that is going to be a great place. Like I started building my network by connecting with people on LinkedIn. Like I set a goal for myself senior year of college, and I was like, I want to make a thousand connections. Like, fuck it. Like, let's just kind of go balls to the wall and like make a lot of connections.

But your network goes way beyond your LinkedIn. Like your network is also everybody you know. Like we we look at networking as this like siloed specific for business and career thing. And most of the time it is. But your network is everybody you know, and everybody they know, and everybody you've met at your job, and everybody you've had a meeting with, and everybody you've asked for advice, and everybody you've turned to when you're not sure, and like your network is not.

just LinkedIn. It goes far beyond that. And if you're looking to start networking or you don't know where to start, start with who you already know. Ask them who they know, who you think would be beneficial for you to talk to. Ask the people in your life if you're like, hey, I'm interested in this thing. Like, do you know anybody in this area? Do you know somebody who'd be good at this or could help me out or just like give me some advice? Like reach we have like the world at our fingertips now. It's so crazy. We have, we have

What no generation has ever had in the past, and that is the ability to reach anybody. Like what like we can literally reach anybody at the tip of our at our fingertips. Like we can email anybody, we can DM anybody, we can call anybody. Like we have a million resources every single day. And we should use them. Like it is in our best interest to use them. It's it's so insane that we have all of this at in our fucking hands, like in our phone. We have like

Josh Felgoise (22:49.988)

Something that nobody has ever had before in time. And your network can be anybody and start building it today. Because I think starting today and starting to build your network will really come back to help you in the future and will really be beneficial for you and has really been for me. Like this has been something that's really been beneficial for me this past year. And I couldn't recommend it more.

The next one, I think it's number five or six. I'm sorry. I did these out of order because I like it made more sense, and I have gotten lost in the sauce of the numbers. So I hope it's number five. Number five is ask questions and don't be afraid to ask questions. I think this is also a lesson that we have to learn time and time again. It's something that I'm continuing to learn and have I think I will always be learning, is that.

If you have a question and you're in a room with a bunch of people, like the odds are that somebody else has that question are so high. Like the odds that you're the only person who doesn't know that or is thinking about it from that angle are really low. Like you, you are not the only one who is not sure. And by putting yourself out there and not being afraid to ask the question, like this is another way you increase your surface area. This is another way that you put yourself out there. And it's like,

Josh is paying attention, or like he's looking at things a different way, or he's speaking up, he's not afraid to ask. Along this is reach out to people, like ask for help, ask people what you should do, ask for recommendations, ask for advice, and ask questions. You can't do it all on your own, and you shouldn't expect to, and you shouldn't think that you have to either.

Asking questions, asking for advice, asking for recommendations. It's one of the best things I have started doing a lot more this year. I and and like calling somebody, texting somebody, being like, hey, what do you think of this? Getting a second opinion, it's a great thing. It makes you feel a lot more sure of yourself. It also challenges the way you think. And I I really recommend it.

Josh Felgoise (24:53.114)

And I think there is no harm in it. Like I think it is only a good thing to do. And there you hear all the time like there are no dumb questions. There are no dumb questions. Don't be afraid to ask. Number six or seven, I think it's I think it's six. Fuck yeah, I think it's six. Number six, live and let yourself live. Go have experiences. Go on dates. Go out to eat. Spend the money. Take the trip. Have fun.

Fall in love, make a mess, and do all of the things. Life is supposed to be fun. Don't spend all of your time in your head. Get out of your head and into your feet. Be where you are. I promise there will be time to worry. There will be time to compare yourself. There will time, there will be time to be anxious and doubtful. And in your head,

But spend some time outside of it too, and spend as much time outside of your head as possible. I want you to dream and imagine and all of the things, but be where you are. This is also one of the best things I've learned this year is that this is supposed to be fun. Like life is supposed to be enjoyable. You're supposed to enjoy it and see things and make things and try things and break shit. And like you're gonna learn so much along the way as long as you spend a lot of time trying and living and experiencing.

Number eight, try your best to make your head a great place to be. One of the best ways to do this is to spend time alone. Spend time with yourself. Get to know you and what you like about yourself, and what you like, what you don't like. Take a walk outside. Ask yourself questions. Take stock of where you are, like I've talked about in this episode.

Go to things alone. Like if you want to do something and there's nobody around or nobody's available or you can't find somebody to do it with you, go do it yourself. Put yourself out there, meet new people, try new things, take a chance on yourself. In pursuit of all of that, try your best to make your head a great place to be. Try your best to really like yourself and like what you're doing and like the direction you're in and who you are.

Josh Felgoise (27:14.17)

And what you believe in and what you stand for, and everything that comes with all of that. I think it is so important that we learn to love ourselves. And I mean that in the least corny way possible. Like I mean that in the most honest and real way. It's so fucking important to like yourself. And it's the starting point to everything. Number nine, spend more time being grateful.

One of the best things I started doing this year is every single morning, like without fail, I write the three things I'm grateful for at the top of my to-do list. Every morning I write the date and the time and the day, and then I write gratefuls and I list it one, two, three, and I write the three things I'm grateful for. I start my I start every single day with gratitude. And I think

Starting there, like having that as a starting point for my day, is like only up from there because I've already thought about everything I'm happy with and everything I like and everything I'm grateful for and have and I I've wished for and I want and I'm doing and like list it's just three things. It takes I think less than a minute every single day. If I don't know where what to what I'm grateful for that day, I can always say I'm grateful for my lungs and my legs and waking up.

And the people I have around me and my family and the music I like today or the movie I watched this past weekend or what I'm looking forward to, whether it's far in advance or it's close by. I can say I'm grateful for this podcast. I can say I'm grateful for you for listening. I can say I'm grateful for being able to write today, waking up, making my bed, seeing the sun, like going outside, getting a coffee, like

It can be as small as that, and it should be as small as that. It does not have to be anything more than coffee or music or food or eggs or like whatever it is. Starting my day with three gratefuls has changed my life. And I mean that very seriously. And I'm really working on doing that more throughout my day. Like I I do that in the morning. I maybe I should do it at night as well. Like I really think that would be cool to bookend my day like that or sometime throughout the day.

Josh Felgoise (29:24.08)

But spending more time being grateful has given me a really great mindset in life and on everything I've experienced and everything I go through. Framing it in gratitude is one of the best things I could ever tell you to do, and one of my biggest recommendations for you. And I'm still working on it, by the way. Like this isn't something that comes easily or naturally. It's very easy to write those three things, but it's really hard to maintain that positive conversation.

Gratitude, grateful mindset throughout the rest of the day. And that's why I'm saying I'm trying to put it throughout the day a little bit more too, because it it does go away and you lose that. But every morning I get to reset it. And I recommend you try it too. Number 10, and the final lesson, the last thing I want to share with you that I've learned over this past year of my life, of my 25 years on this earth. Believe in yourself. Why the hell not?

What do you have to lose? Like seriously, what do you have to lose? If you fall, you will land right where you already were. Maybe with a lot more learned. Maybe with new experiences under your belt. Maybe with lessons and learnings and new things or new people or new all of it. Maybe with new interests or passions or hobbies. Maybe. Why not believe in yourself?

There's no reason not to. And I think a lot more of us need to start believing in ourselves. There's really no reason not to. What do you have to lose? Just try. Try believing in yourself and see what happens. That is the episode. Thank you so much for listening to Guy Set, a guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh, I'm 26 years old, and I'm here every single week, every single Tuesday to talk about what should be talked about.

If you like this episode, I really hope you did. Please like, subscribe, and this podcast. Five stars with a review that's one, two, three for five stars, not four, not three, not two, not one. Definitely not one. It's five stars. Thank you so much for I really really appreciate that. If you have any questions that should be talked about, head over to my website, guyset.com. G-U-Y-S-E-T dot com. There's an ask me anything right there. It goes right to me, right to my email. You can ask me whatever you want me to talk about. It's completely anonymous. You can also DM me at guyset podcast, G-U-Y-S-E-T-P-O-D-C-A-S-T on Instagram.

Josh Felgoise (31:45.392)

Follow me there for more. You can check out guyset.com for so many more questions and advice and answers. I post about four blog posts a day across dating, lifestyle, confidence, mindset, comparison, style-really anything. I answer the questions that guys are asking, and there is so much more content on there. It's like an extension of what I do on here over there. You can just find so many things. You can literally just search a question, and there should be a blog post that pops up about it.

You can watch this follow up on YouTube. You can also check out my other podcast if you're going on a date this week. I do it every Monday and Thursday, and I talk about all the things you could talk about on your date. Thank you so much for listening to Guys Set, a Guy's Guide to What Should Be Talked About. And I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.