The Internal Monologue of Lifting

I am not the most fit guy you will see. I am very far from it, but I have been pretty consistently going to the gym for, I want to say like the past two years, a little like longer, maybe like three or four. I've been working out consistently for like 10 years, I want to say, ever since I realized that like I wanted to get fitter and get skinnier.

probably since I was like 15 or 16 to be honest with you when I realized I was fat and that like I could get skinny. That's a whole separate conversation. That's not this episode. But what I want to talk about today is that I had this moment the other day that brought me back to a time that I used to experience all the time when I first started going to the gym. When I first started like consistently going and realized that I wanted to lift weights, that I wanted to get stronger, that

That was the type of thing I wanted to do. Like I really wanted to gain mass. I didn't want to just get thinner and lose weight. I wanted to also get bigger muscles. I wanted to be stronger. I wanted to feel stronger. I wanted to not just for the looks and the appearance, although that was like a massive part of it. I wanted, and it still is by the way, it's still like very, a very big part of it. Like I'm not above being vain, but at the same time,

I realized that it was so good for my mental health and my mindset and the way I think about myself and my confidence and going to the gym consistently lifted all of these things at once. Like everything kind of turned when I first started going consistently. And I've been going consistently for about like five to six days for a pretty long time now. But the other day I had this moment that transported me back to the guy I was when I was in the corner of the gym.

afraid of the weights section, afraid of going over there and trying to lift something in fear of not being able to, in fear of not knowing what to do, in fear of other people judging me, other people watching me, looking at me. I had all of these things kind of attacking me from so many different angles that kept me in the corner of the gym for such a long period of time.

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way longer than I want any of you to stay in the corner, way longer than I want anybody to have to experience. And what I felt the other day was that similar feeling where I was like, I felt like completely an imposter again at the gym. And I think the idea of imposter syndrome is talked about so openly in terms of work and in terms of career and in terms of climbing a corporate ladder and getting a promotion, getting a new job and

When you see yourself in that position and you're like, don't know what the fuck I'm doing and I don't know how I got here and I don't know what to do and I don't know like how I'm gonna look good in this role or like what I'm supposed to be doing. That feeling also moves into other aspects of our life like going to the gym, like lifting, like there are just other places where imposter syndrome can be so heavy. I think the gym is one of the biggest ones for me at least.

And I don't think it's talked about enough. I have done an episode like this previously where I talked about Jim Imposter Syndrome. But what I realized is that just that didn't completely go away for me. And I don't think it completely goes away for anybody. And there's always a little tiny voice in the back of my head that still tells me that like I'm not big enough, I'm not strong enough, people are looking at me, people are watching me, other people deserve this bench more than I do. And I want to tell you about this story because I think you will either relate to it

You will see yourself in it. You have either been there before or you might be there in the future. And I hope that this story and what I learned from it in the past few weeks will help you if you are ever in that time or in that experience too. And I wanted to make an episode because I think it's something that I need to be reminded of. Like I need to remind myself this a lot of the time. And I think you might need this reminder too. So I was at the gym the other morning and it was packed as it always is. Like it's

It's usually packed, especially in the morning before work. But this day especially felt like even more packed. Like there's a bunch of benches, maybe like five or six at this gym, and everybody was waiting for them. Like everybody was like a hawk, trying to like a tiger, like trying to pounce onto the bench the second somebody would get up from it. And everybody was kind of like waiting with like crossed arms, like just like kind of like pissed off. And everybody wants to get their

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lift in and get out and go to work and shower and like everybody has their thing they want to do. So understandably, everybody's trying to get to that next thing and get on with their day. But it felt like people were like waiting with eyes peeled for like, and I'm sure if you've gone to the gym before or you go to a gym, like you've experienced this where if there's a machine that everybody wants to be on, like people will

wait by it and they'll just be like, oh, you know, that, like that gym bro voice that like guys do when they're trying to act like tougher than they are. That happens all the time at the gym. like this day, especially felt felt really crowded. So I was one of those waiters and everybody's kind of impatient, wants to get on with their day, as I was saying. I was one of those waiters and I was waiting on the bench and, you know, since I'm so fucking massive and I bench, I was waiting on the bench and.

When one finally opened up, like I moved my strewn about weights over to it and claimed it. And I beat someone to it who looked really distraught that I beat them to it. They were like, ugh. Like they like, could tell it was like a, it was a visceral reaction they had to me beating them to the bench. And I assumed that he was also eagle-eyed waiting for the bench too. But when I took that bench, I like felt like a spotlight.

Went on me and everybody like turned their head they didn't but this is how I felt It felt like everybody turned their eyes and was like, that guy got the bench. Well, who does he think he is to go take that bench like what he doesn't deserve that bench that little guy got the bench or big guy depending on how you look at me then man I mean like chubby not like you get it. but that is how I felt like I felt like

All eyes turned on to me and everybody was like, how did he get it? And it like ruined everybody else's day. And when I turned around or I took a break and I set the weights down and I waited between sets for a second, like it felt like everybody was watching me waiting for me to leave and get up and give this bench over to them. And it kind of felt like I didn't deserve it. Like it felt like there was somebody else there who was bigger than me who

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knows more than me who knows actually like a little bit more about like technique or what to do and it felt to me like there was somebody there that deserved the bench more for some reason or another. I can't tell you why I thought this. just I did. I was like there is somebody here that is is more deserving of this than I am when in fact we all pay the same thing to be there. We equally have the right to this communal bench like every no nobody has ownership of this bench more than more than the next person.

But something in my head told me that like I didn't deserve to be there and somebody else did. And I haven't felt that way in so long. And I think it's probably because there was so many people there waiting and it was just kind of this like intense like environment of a lot of people being like, know, and that was probably that probably added to it and aided to this as this thing of me feeling undeserving of this bench, which might sound stupid and might sound dumb to you. But like it brought.

back all of those feelings that I had when I first started lifting, when I felt completely undeserving or unable to be over there, not that that wasn't my section and I should be like in the over there, you know, I felt like that younger version of myself who was just starting out again and

Even though I've been going consistently and I've gotten so much stronger and I've I've I now understand what to do and what I want to do and I have a routine and I have and I'm lifting a way heavier than I first was I still got that sense and that imposter syndrome like still had a little bit of a hold on me and I finished my workout and then I moved on and somebody prounced is that a word prounce prounced on pounced pounced pounced onto the bench like right after I did and

What I kind of gathered from that experience, like when thinking about it, when when I when I finally left it and when I kind of moved on to the next thing I wanted to do is that me making myself smaller didn't make anybody else bigger. nobody was really looking at me like nobody cared about me. They cared about themselves.

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They wanted this for themselves. They didn't want it because they weren't like, this kid is undeserving or this guy shouldn't be here. Maybe they were. And that's not, that's not any of my business. That's not up to me at all. But what I really think was that everybody just wanted, everybody was there for themselves. Everybody's thinking about themselves and nobody is looking at you. Nobody really cares about you. They care about themselves. And I think that kind of like translates to all of these experiences.

Nobody is thinking about you more than you are thinking about yourself. They are also thinking about themselves in this scenario. They're also worried about themselves, not you. And in, for my experience, like I was so worried about myself and how I was being perceived and what everyone was thinking about me. They're also probably thinking that and about how they're being perceived by everybody else. But in turn, nobody is actually thinking about each other. Everybody is only thinking about themselves.

Whether it's a negative thing, whether it's a positive thing, whether they're comparing themselves to everybody else, whether they're not at all. Like nobody is looking at you as much as you are looking at yourself. Nobody is thinking about you as much as you are thinking about about yourself. Nobody cares as much about you as you do. And as like harsh as that may sound, it also is a good thing. Everybody there was waiting for the bench. They weren't. And maybe they were thinking about how I

should move quicker or should have lifted faster or like whatever it was. But it was all to further themselves. It was all so they could get there faster so they could do their thing quicker and the next guy and the next guy. And even if they're comparing themselves to me, that's just it. They're comparing themselves to me. They're and maybe they are judging you, but I don't think that's true. I don't think anybody is watching you. I don't think anybody is looking at you. I don't think anybody is thinking about you as much as you are thinking about yourself.

And it's a realization and a learning that I had a while ago that I had again recently and something I needed to remind myself of was that nobody is thinking about you as much as you are thinking about yourself. Nobody is watching you or caring about you as much as you are about yourself. And that's a good thing too, right? Like that is a good thing to learn and to realize is that it is all up to you to kind of change your mindset around this.

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And it does kind of require some exposure therapy in a way to these types of things. Overcoming imposter syndrome requires you to show up to the thing that you're afraid of, to show up to keep coming back to the thing that you're nervous about, anxious about, doubtful of. It requires you to expose yourself to it. You have to put yourself in the environment

where you have no other choice but to face it. You have no other option but to, you know, like learn how to live in the struggle of it. It is completely up to you to overcome that. Nobody's gonna do it for you. Nobody's gonna take you out of the quarter of the gym and put you into the other section of the gym. People can encourage you. People can migrate you over and say, hey, there's a whole world over here. But it has to be up to you to take yourself over there. It has to be up to you to walk yourself over there.

And once you're over there, you will learn that nobody cares as much as you think they do. Nobody is thinking about you. Nobody is watching you. Nobody cares as much about you as you do. And over time, by showing up, by consistently going to that bench, by putting yourself in the place that you were nervous about, that you didn't believe you belonged at, you will develop an understanding that you belong there just as much as the next guy. You will start to...

believe that this is where you belong. You will stop making yourself smaller knowing that it makes nobody else any bigger. You will stop making yourself smaller knowing that doesn't make you any bigger. And this doesn't come overnight and it doesn't come naturally. It didn't come naturally to me at all. Like I was the farthest thing from a natural at this. But what I've learned is that overcoming this imposter syndrome requires you to keep showing up at it.

And this doesn't mean that you're going to tomorrow be like, Oh, like I really appreciate what he said. Like I think I'm going to internalize that and I'm going to go tomorrow and be like, yo, you like you using that bro. Like you're not going to like just immediately have this 360 degree transformation into like a really confident gym bro. And like be able to walk up to somebody and be like, Oh, can I step in here? And like, you know, like we can rotate. And I still don't do that all the time. I'm still not that comfortable doing that, but this really does take time and

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that voice in the back of your head that tells you that you're not big enough, you're not strong enough, you're lifting too little, everybody's watching you, everybody's looking at you, there's a spotlight on you, gets much quieter over time. I was reminded of the fact that the voice doesn't disappear, it doesn't just completely go away. And I think it's important to talk about that and to admit that like, I've gotten so much more confident, but I'm not 100 % there. I don't know if I ever will be 100 % there.

There's always going to be that little thing in the back of my head that thinks I'm not good enough, thinks I'm not strong enough, thinks I'm not as good as the next guy. And that's okay. And that doesn't mean that you need to like fight yourself to get rid of that. But by continuing to show up, by continuing to put yourself in that environment, it gets quieter and quieter again. It doesn't mean it will completely disappear. It won't completely dissipate. But over time, it gets quieter and

You prove to yourself why it should get quiet or you by showing up again and again, you prove that to yourself. It doesn't mean that you will automatically change everything about yourself, but it does mean that you have to go to the gym and make some space for yourself. And you can take that and translate it into any experience that you feel imposter syndrome in. You have to go there and make space for yourself and take up space for yourself.

I think this can be applied to the bigger conversation of imposter syndrome in general that so many of us face, but never admit to, especially in these scenarios at the gym in places where we are taught that like we're supposed to just be able to walk into and understand. And as guys, especially we are supposed to just put up like a facade or a front and act like we feel

comfortable when a lot of the times we don't and We definitely don't in fact like we're supposed to act like we know what we're doing even if we have no fucking idea what we're doing and This idea is like impressed upon us that these are things that we just do without feeling nervous without feeling anxious without any feeling in general

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We lift weights, we go to meetings, we present, we stand up tall, we do all of these things because we're just like born with the understanding that this is what we're supposed to do and society has told us that we're not allowed to feel nervous, anxious, doubtful of this type of stuff. We're supposed to just like have this confidence. We're supposed to just like be born with this confidence. When in fact, I truly believe everybody is anxious about this type of stuff. Everybody is nervous about this stuff.

Everybody has feelings and doubts about this stuff and is feeling some sort of way. We just don't talk about it. We just don't admit to it in fear of it making us look weaker in fear of it making us look smaller to somebody else. And I think honestly, if we were more open about this type of thing, you would start to understand that every guy around you at the gym has also felt that way before may also be feeling that way right now.

Everybody around you lifting has looked to their left and their right and thought damn that guy can lift so much more than me and like how does that guy look like that or how did he get such big arms or how did how do his shoulders look like that or What does he do? What is his routine or like? How do I get there? I guarantee you everybody at the gym has looked around at somebody else and thought that I guarantee The next time you were at the gym if you look around there is another guy thinking that right now. I guarantee it

There is somebody else feeling that way right now. And we just don't talk about it. We just don't admit to it because of the like societal pressure that we're not supposed to have that feeling. We're not supposed to have that anxiety or nervousness or doubt in ourselves. We're supposed to just like have this confidence and know what to do when you walk in the gym, know how to lift a weight, know what to pick up, know what to put down, know what

to start with know what to and that leads to like a lot of injuries that leads to a lot of people like having no idea what to do. It leads to injuries. leads to you staying in the corner. It leads to you not doing enough. It leads to you not doing anything at all, but it also leads you doing too much. Like there are so many bad things that come from us not talking about this, but one thing I can guarantee you and I've learned over time is that everybody there has felt this at some way or another or feels it in some way or another right now.

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And I'm sure, by the way, I'm not negating the fact that there is no comparison. Like, I'm sure there are people looking around and thinking like, I'm bigger than him. I knew that. But again, it is all about the person. They're not thinking about you, they're thinking about themselves. They're comparing you to them to make them feel better about themselves. It's all to compare to yourself and feel like you were in a better position than another person. It's never actually about you. It's always about them.

And I think like guys and the gym is kind of this funny thing because everybody wants to get bigger. Like I think every guy has an understanding and a sentiment, a thought, if you will. I just used like a lot of words that meant nothing that they want to get bigger. I think like any guy thinks that may not admit it out loud. And I think everybody also thinks they're smaller than they are and want to get much bigger.

and are looking for ways to get bigger. And I think that is kind of like a generalization that I'm gonna go out on a limb and say is also true. I think it's a true generalization about guys that they want to get bigger, they wanna look bigger, whether it's for themselves, their own mindset, for girls, for dating, for whatever. there are so many different reasons as to why people do or why guys do, but overall I think guys do. And there's this like,

Also overarching thing that we don't really talk about the gym or how hard it is to stay consistent, how hard it is to feel like you belong there, how hard it can be to know what to do, know where to go, what you're supposed to do, how to get into a routine. I feel like it would be a great, I should have a fitness instructor like a, yeah, I'm going to have a trainer on that would be awesome. I would love, I'm to do that. Keep me, I'm going to do that for sure.

in the next month or so. But finding what to do, finding what supplements to take, finding the right creativity, like it's it's all kind of behind closed doors. And I don't know why. And especially this conversation about feeling like an imposter at the gym feels like it's like in the vault of the conversations that guys don't have. And I feel like it is my responsibility on this podcast to talk about that type of stuff. And I think

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The gym and the continuous idea that I have also felt like an imposter and I also think that everybody else has felt like an imposter is really important to talk about. Sorry for the siren. I didn't want to end my sentence and I heard the siren from the start, but like I just wanted to, wanted, I didn't want to forget my thought. And I think a lot of it comes from the idea that like everybody thinks everybody else has it together. Like every guy thinks that the next guy knows what they're doing and has a routine and

lifts heavy and just like has it all together so they don't bring it up. They don't really like talk about it. They don't want to admit that they don't when in fact everybody really doesn't. I think it's a lot of that. It's just a lot of like admitting this thing or being honest about this thing makes you feel like you don't know. And that inherently comes with some sort of embarrassment, some sort of weakness.

kind of the whole thesis of this podcast is that like all of the all of these topics that should be talked about for guys are not because it comes with an inherent feeling of feeling weaker or embarrassed or smaller or just less than if you admit to it if you mention it if you're honest about it or open about it and I think that's why this is such an important topic and why I wanted to bring this back up you can listen to I did a whole episode on I believe it's called like Jim Impostor syndrome

a while ago and I got so much great feedback from that episode. had so many people reached out to me were like, thanks for doing that. And I was like, whoa, really? Like, I didn't even know you listened to this episode. I didn't listen to the podcast. Like, thank you for saying that because that's encouraging for me that I'm doing something right. But it also to me means that it resonates because it's real and because it is a universal thing. And the generalization I'm making is true and is real.

So I think what I've learned about feeling like an imposter at the gym or feeling like an imposter in life in so many different situations and so many different moments is that everybody feels that way too and everybody has at one point or another felt that way. They just maybe they've overcome it. Maybe they've spent enough time doing it consistently that they now have a belief in themselves and also like the

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the points to prove to themselves that they can do it. Like, they've done it, they've put themselves in the position for long enough that they no longer feel like an imposter. But at some point they probably did. They may not have had a name for it, they may not have had an understanding of what being an imposter was, or the term imposter syndrome that we now have that we can kind of like prescribe to this feeling. But I guarantee you at one point or another someone has felt that way too. And I find a lot of comfort in that, honestly. Like I find a lot of comfort

in knowing that somebody else is in that with you. And I hope you will find some comfort in me admitting this to you and me saying this to you by me saying that I also feel like an imposter and even though I've been doing this consistently and I feel like I look bigger even on the podcast like I'm sorry for being vain again, but I feel like over time like you can tell that I was a lot scrawnier once time before and now I've consistently been doing this but that doesn't completely go away. Like I haven't completely

lost the idea that I don't belong there or I am not good enough to be there or the guy next to me lifts much heavier, looks much better or I've been going for so long now that like why aren't I at the place I thought I would be at? That's another whole, another feedback loop that we could go into. I could do a whole episode on that. But I am really happy with how I look now and how I feel and that doesn't get rid of the feeling of being an imposter. It doesn't just fix it all.

and it doesn't immediately make all those feelings disappear. Like one day I'll feel really great about how I look and the next I'll feel like I haven't made any progress at all. One day I will feel like I've been going consistently and I'm absolutely crushing it and the next day I'll think what I just said of like, why don't I look bigger than I thought I would? Like why aren't I getting the most results? Why does that guy next to me have so many more results? What is he doing better than I am? What can I be doing better? And

Those feelings still exist, those emotions still exist, living somewhere in the back of my head. So I want you to know that next time you're feeling that way, instead of thinking about how everybody is looking at you and thinking about you and talking about you, reframe it into this. They are thinking about themselves more than they will ever be thinking about you. It's not about me, it's about them. It's never been about me, it has always been about them. And on the other side of it, like,

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Most the time people aren't thinking about anything. Like to be fully honest with you, half the time people are on their phones at the gyms, they're like scrolling, they're listening to a podcast, they're texting someone, they're thinking about somebody they meant to text or forgot to text, they're waiting for a text back. Like so many times people aren't thinking about anything. So at the same time as they're thinking about themselves more than anybody else, they're also thinking about nothing.

That's a lot of the time thinking about they're thinking about how late they are for work or what they have to do for work or what they're behind on or what they need to do or how much time they've already spent on their phone today or like how many things they have to do what they're gonna cook for dinner what they are gonna have for lunch like Nobody is looking at you Nobody cares about you any more than they care about themselves Remind yourself of those two things next time you think or have those thoughts and those feelings

and feel like you don't deserve to be where you are. Remind yourself of that. You have just as much of a right to be there as anybody else. You have just as much of a right to be on that bench as the next guy, no matter how big or how small you are. And I need to remind myself that too sometimes, a lot of the time, to be honest. Don't shrink yourself for somebody else's gain. Don't make yourself smaller so somebody else can make themselves bigger.

The only way you will get bigger is by taking up the space, literally and figuratively. Take up the space, take the bench, get out of the corner, try the machine, pick up the weight. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

That is the episode. you so much for listening to guys set a guys guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh. I'm 25 years old and I'm here every single week, every single Tuesday to talk about what should be talked about for guys. If you liked this episode, I really hope you did. Please like subscribe to this podcast. Five stars. Maybe that's one day for five stars, not four, not three, not two, not one. It's five stars. Thank you much. I really, really appreciate that. If you have anything to talk about that should be talked about for guys, head over to website, guyset.com. G U Y S E T.com. There's an ask me anything.

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button right there. It goes right to my email. You can ask me anything and I'll be sure to talk about it. I'll put it into the next Dear GuySet episode that I do every third week of the month where I answer listener questions. I answer the questions that guys are asking. You can find four blog posts every single day on guyset.com across dating, mindset, career, lifestyle. Really, it's an extension of what I do on here over there. It's like the GuySet universe expanded so you can find so many more answers, so many more pieces of advice, tips.

different perspectives, expert opinions on all of the questions that guys have on the website every single day. You can watch this full episode on YouTube. You can find me on Instagram at guysetpodcast. Thank you so much for listening to guyset, a guys guide to what should be talked about. And I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.