What Life Actually Feels Like After College

Every transition in life comes with a certain amount of uncertainty. When you go off to college is probably like the first big moment in life where you start to ask yourself these questions of like, what will this transition have in store for me? Like, what will this next phase of my life bring?

Because before that, up until that point, you're kind of in a pretty standard routine. Like, you get up for school, you go to school, you go to like an after school sport, you like, you know, like it's very routine in middle school and high school. And then in college is when like everything kind of gets thrown out of whack. It's the first time in your life where you're like met with

a ton of change, like a very big amount of change. The first time in your life where you have to actually make decisions, like you have to figure out what to eat for dinner, what to do on the weekend, like you have to figure everything out on your own. There's nobody guiding you, there's nobody telling you what to do, there's nobody making you do anything or kind of enforcing anything. It's really all up to you for the first time in your life. And

After college is like another one of those huge, huge, huge transition moments where you are really thrown into that for the first time in your life. Like even in college, there is a big amount of structure in terms of you have to go to classes, like you have to do these things, you have to do your schoolwork, you have to take tests, you have to take exams, you have to write papers, you have to do these things. Like there are rules and there are strictures in place to make sure that you succeed.

for the first time in your life after college, there's none of that. none of that. Of course you have work and you get a job and you have to show up to work and you have to do all of that stuff. But like it is entirely, it is incredibly different than a college experience. And I think the day you graduate, the day after you graduate, like that time period is even that much bigger than your transition from high school to college.

Josh Felgoise (02:40.953)

College to after college is like an entirely new beast because everybody is going in entirely different directions and there is so much more uncertainty than there is going into college. Like there is just that much more anxiety and uncertainty and fear and misunderstanding and not knowing what's next.

And I distinctly remember the day that I graduated. The morning I woke up thinking like, is this really happening today? Like I was hungover from like the night before and like I didn't want to admit that this was real. And like we all got drunk and like the whole week, the whole like two weeks leading up to that day, we had like just been going out. Like I had been just going out with my friends the entire time. Like we went out every single night. We went to Ocean City, Maryland for senior week. Like it was just...

really on. was not reality like it was the farthest thing from real life and it was the most fun experience ever. But the day waking up for graduation I was like oh fuck like this is real like I remember putting on my cap and gown in the bathroom. I don't know why I was the bathroom. We know I was the bathroom but I remember like looking in the mirror and being like oh oh shit like this is happening like.

whether you like it or not, like life is moving. Like we are moving on, moving on, growing up, getting old, like it's time. And that was one of the first moments where I was like hit with this like bout of fear about what was next. This idea of like, I don't know what the next few months are going to bring. Like I don't know what the next chapter of my life looks like.

And up until that point really, it had been planned out. And I know in college it's a little bit different as I was saying, but like post college, the time after college, like it's really up to you. Like it is the first time in your life where you are a full-fledged adult. Like it is, you are a real human in the world, in the workplace, in like the, in the world. I could have just stopped at world. But I really remember,

Josh Felgoise (04:53.507)

driving home after graduation and after I packed up my car with all of my stuff and kind of like taking in this realization that like I was not going back there like this was the last time that I was going to be driving away from college like this was the last time I was going to be there and maybe at some point I'll be back again but like I haven't since the time that I left and I was just sitting there like

in the understanding that this is real. Like for the first time I was like, whoa, like I'm not like I'm not going back. Like this is sad. Like I was just like I felt kind of like an overwhelming sadness, but also an excitement about what was next. Like I had my job lined up. I had my apartment lined up. I excited to live in New York with my roommates. Like I was really, really looking forward to all of that. But there was this really like big mix of emotions between

fuck, like this is over and like it really is, this is it. And I'm really excited about what's next. And I feel like that kind of merges to create more uncertainty. Like the overwhelming like, wow, this is over and the excitement for what's next just like met in the middle to this like big fat, like I don't even know what. And if you've experienced that already or you're experiencing that right now, like if you're

about to graduate if you just graduated I know it's this is the time of year when it's graduation season which is why I'm doing this episode now or if you've experienced this before like you know this feeling and it's really hard to describe and it hits everybody at different times like some people it hits them like it did for me when I was like putting my cap on and I was like fuck like this is this is happening whether I like it or not and it also happens to people at other times like when you're leaving or like four days later when you're at home and you're like shit

Or like when you move to a news and you're like, wait, where am I? Like, whoa. Or after your first after your last final or like at graduation or it hits at so many different times or different people, it just depends on like your I don't know, willingness to accept what's happening and like what is currently going on. I people say and like stay in denial about it, but like it is a universal experience of that, shit moment like, whoa, this is real. And

Josh Felgoise (07:16.057)

That moment and the moments ahead of that in like the next few months after graduating and into moving to a new city and starting a new job and kind of starting a new like life for all intents and purposes is like this period where life feels incredibly uncertain and whatever comes next feels so far out of your hands and it can make you feel all these different emotions and kind of make you just feel kind of crazy about it all like

Everything feels like it's happening to you. It feels like you're so out of control. feels like you it everything is out of your control and everything is just kind of out of whack and these life moments these big life transition moments can be wrapped in a sort of excitement or anxiousness or nervousness about what this next stage of life has in store for you.

And you wonder all of these questions like will things ever be as good as they once were? Like are the good times in my past? Like is that it? Is that the most fun I'll ever have? I think that's one of the big ones after college. Will life continue to be as exciting, be as exciting as it once was? Will things be as good as they once were? Am I going to still have a fun time? Am I going to still have any time? Am I going to have any time to myself?

How am I going to figure out like when I need to do what? How am I gonna make a new schedule? How am I supposed to do everything I'm supposed to do in the short amount of time that I have after work? Am I going to stay close to my friends? Will I stay close to my close friends? Am I gonna stay close to my friends? How will I stay close to my friends? Will I get a girlfriend? Will I go on great dates? Will I get in a relationship?

Will I like where I live? Will I be happy with my job? Will I find purpose in my career? Will I make enough money? Will I have fun plans? Like all of these kind of like thoughts just like wrap you and you're like, like, what the fuck is happening? And all of these like real life questions and uncertainty around this next chapter, like this next era of your life leads to this like overwhelming sense of anxiety.

Josh Felgoise (09:30.255)

And it can be really hard and confusing trying to find your own way in all of this and forge your own path and figure out what you want to do with your life or what you want to make of yourself. Like all of these things are so just make you feel so lost sometimes what you want to be what you want to do with your career like and all these things don't come easy. None of these things come easily. They take time. They take effort.

They take like honestly they take struggle like they take you having to struggle through it. They take you having to figure out a way through most of the time in order to get to the other side. And this is a struggle that we did not experience when we were in college like something we weren't ever really confronted with and something we didn't have to do is figure out like what we want to do with our lives, what we want to do with ourselves, what we want to make of our time, who we want to be. And that's also coupled with the idea of like

Are the best times of our lives behind us like am I still gonna have any fun, especially because we're told from a young age and college that like these are the best four years of your life like live it up own every second like somebody was a senior in college right now and asked me my advice for like the next month of college. I would probably say similar things. I'd be like look honestly have so much fun live in the moment put your phone down like.

spend as much time as you can with your friends because you're never going to be as close with your friends as you are now in proximity wise, not in terms of like closeness in me like relationship wise, you will never live as close to all of your friends in one street or two streets or in a block and see them all the time everywhere like that isn't ever going to happen again. Unfortunately, and like that college bubble that we all lived in when we were in college like that does burst.

that does pop, unfortunately. Like that is something that we all have to deal with. My advice would be similar to what we've all heard, what I heard, is just don't take a second of it for granted because it's going to fly by. Now do I believe that those are the best four years of my life? No. Like, do I believe that every, all of the best days of my lives are behind me and now that I'm out of college and I've graduated and I'm four years out of college, I never had any fun? Like, no, not at all. Like, I don't believe that for a second.

Josh Felgoise (11:50.021)

But there is a very special like quality about college. There is a very special like, I don't know, like I want to say je ne sais quoi, but that's not, I don't even know what the fuck that means to be honest with you. There is a very special thing that like is that time in your life and like, could I relive it now? No, God, I would like die. But and like, did I want to do it for another year? Like when I was in it, absolutely. But like, could I have health wise? No.

And at the same time, like I was ready to figure out what I wanted to do. I was ready to like try and make something of myself and start building something and make money and find a career path and all of that stuff really was exciting and interesting to me, especially in my senior year of like interviewing and figuring out what job I wanted to do and all of that stuff. So there was that sense of like, I do want to figure out what's next and experience a city and meet and like meet, you know what I mean? Like all of that. So do I believe all of the, all of those questions?

are the answer is yes that all this no not at all like yes that everything is going to be very different and you're going to have to struggle and you're going to have to deal with things and spend a lot more time with yourself which i'm going to talk about more in a second but no like it's still so much i still have so much fun sometimes even more fun like and yes are there times that are more

flat or more uninteresting or more stable or more consistent and like that can be seen as boring sometimes. Yeah, of course, but that's realistic. That's life. That's like everybody. And sometimes you have so much to do that it's so overwhelming and you have so much work to do and you're so stressed and you're inundated with everything you have to do and work and all of that feels so unfun. But that's what like becoming an adult is like. Is that like

Some of sometimes it will be that where you're so overwhelmed, so stressed, have to have no time to do anything. Feel like you haven't seen anybody feel like you're out of sorts out of whack. You're mentally like going a little crazy. Need a break. Feeling very burnt out. Other times you're like, well, I have nothing to do. I have no plans. I feel like I've done nothing. I feel like I'm bored. I feel like I'm tired. I feel like I'm always tired. That's a part of it. And other times you're like, this is so much fun. Like I have control of everything. I am in control of everything I get to do. I

Josh Felgoise (14:12.917)

It is all up to me and like that's not it's kind of one third like a third, a third, a third of all of that. And maybe I'll break that down separately like another time because I feel like that's kind of an interesting concept. But just because it can be hard and confusing and anxiety inducing, that doesn't mean it's not exciting. That doesn't mean it's not fun. That doesn't mean you're not finding what's right for you and figuring out what you want your life to look like. And it's not shaping up around you, even if it doesn't feel like it every single day. And will it be hard?

Yes. Will there be times where you do not think you're going to be able to figure it out at all? Yes. Will it be stressful? Absolutely. Will there be moments where you entirely doubt yourself and your abilities? Yes. But will you make it through? Yes. Will you figure it out? Yes. Every single time you are going to figure it out. And my proof point for that is that every single person has before you.

everybody has, even if it doesn't look like they are right now, or even if it doesn't feel like they are right now, at some point soon, they will. And you'll see, you will see, like, with time, you will understand. And I think one of the biggest things you now have the opportunity to do after college that you really don't when you're in college, is you get to spend so much more time with yourself.

And you actually get to figure out what you want to do and who you want to be versus what everybody else is doing and who everybody else is. When you're in college and you're constantly surrounded by your friends and your classmates and you're really in that bubble, nothing really feels like it's real outside of it. Nothing really feels possible outside of it. But you don't really have the chance or the opportunity to spend a ton of time

with yourself and on your own figuring out what you want to do and who you want to be. And that is something that some people fear too, right? Like when you hear me say you get to spend so much more time with yourself, that's a scary thought because you might not have until right now. And you may be like, well, wait a minute, I haven't spent so much time with myself already. And like I'm already in a good place. I'm already happy. Like, why do I want to do all of like, why do I want to have to spend so much time with myself? The truth is like adulthood or like, I don't know. I feel like I feel weird calling this adulthood because I'm only 25 years old. But like

Josh Felgoise (16:35.051)

Becoming an adult Means spending a ton of time with yourself like Noah Khan just said this in the song and I want to quote it he said Let me find the quote. Hold on. What did he say? I don't know if can play it or I'll get like Killed from Spotify. I don't know one sec It's in the song Dan

He says, I would love him to write a theme song for my podcast. He says that we're so alone most of the time, most of the time we don't have anyone. And that sounds depressing and dark and sad, but like, it's not, it's not. And it's true. It's just, it is the truth. Like a lot of the time, most of the time we're alone and we spend time with ourselves and getting to know yourself and getting to like yourself.

is so fucking important. Like, that is one of the best things that this time affords you and one of the best things you can do with your time and with yourself. And if you look at it that way and if you reframe it that way, we spend so much time with ourselves after college, you can use that to your advantage. You can discover new things about yourself, discover new facets about what you like, what you want to do, where you want to take yourself.

what you want to do with your life, what your purpose is, what you're called to do. You kind of get to start figuring out all of these like really big, essential, existential questions that we never really even encounter when we're in college. And fear, by the way, is an incredibly natural response to everything I'm saying, everything I've set up until now, like being like, or like just like feeling like like a little bit like

fearful and anxious about everything I'm talking about right now, that is an incredibly natural response to what comes next. Fear is a natural response to what comes next. Anxiety is a natural response to what comes next. It is probably what mostly everybody else is also experiencing or has experienced when met with this point of newness or uncertainty or what's coming next for them.

Josh Felgoise (18:51.019)

When you don't know what's next, you lean on those emotions of fear, of anxiety, of unsettlingness, if that's a word. And I recently heard that stress can be misunderstood excitement. And I feel like that is a lot of what happens after college because most likely you are excited about what this next chapter holds or what this next era has in store for you. Most likely that is something that you are looking forward to even if it doesn't feel like it.

stress about what is next can be misunderstood excitement. And I feel like that's really cool. What I've learned in these years after college is that when you realize that life is not happening to you, and you actually get to choose how you respond to things, you can actually make an impact on your life directly. Everything changes. Everything.

When you learn that the world is not happening to you with nothing you can do about it, everything changes. I think this is a cool visualization for what I'm saying. Like, think about a meteor shower with you right here and you're walking through the meteor shower. Instead of just getting pelted and like destroyed by every meteor coming at you, you can actually dodge them. You can actually catch some of them.

You can actually take some of them and place them on the ground. You can even stack them up. You can walk around them. You can walk through them. You can walk next to them. You can walk under them. You can walk over them. Once in a while, maybe you will get hit. Maybe you will get completely tossed over by them. But ultimately, you will get back up. You will keep going. I think that's a really great way to kind of show what I'm trying to say. Show don't tell of like

When you realize that life isn't happening at you and to you and that you are in control of how you respond to things or what you do next, everything changes. When you learn that you can actually make a direct impact on your life, everything switches. It actually is in your hands to create your own life and your own happiness. Nobody else can do that for you. It always has been.

Josh Felgoise (21:12.875)

But this is the time that you start to understand that. You are responsible for your own state. It is up to you to figure out and decide how you're going to show up, how you're going to respond, what you're going to do next, what you will do with the hand you were dealt, what you do when your boss is mean, what you do when your friends don't invite you to something, what you do when the date goes badly, what you do when you're not so happy with where you're living or what your situation is.

or what the job is like or how your coworker is treating you or all these different moments that feel so out of your control and feel like life is happening at you. When you learn that you are in control of what you do next, everything changes. And pushing through all of that discomfort and all of what is about to happen in the next few months or few years of your life after college.

Pushing through that discomfort will teach you so much more about yourself and your abilities than staying on the other side of fear. You will teach yourself, you will show yourself that you can actually face all of this. You can face all of this fear. You can walk through it and you can see yourself on the other side of it. You will actually provide proof points for yourself that you can do it. Not just hope you can or think you can.

you will show yourself that you can. And I was thinking about what I wish someone had said to me when I graduated college or the advice that I would want to give someone when they're graduating. And I feel like what I have said and what I say continues to apply to me now too. Like it continues to apply years later after college. All of these ideas that you were in control of everything you do.

and your life and your joy and your happiness and the decisions you make and and when you learn that life isn't happening to you, things start to get better. Things start to make more sense and it doesn't come easily and it doesn't come naturally and it doesn't just stay that way. If you figured it out once or if you've made it through something hard once that doesn't just automatically make the next experience that much easier or any easier at all.

Josh Felgoise (23:32.37)

But you provide yourself with the proof point that you've already done it once. You provide yourself with the knowledge that you can make it through, that you already have made it through, that even if you had gotten hit and you fell over and you were tossed over by all of these different things, by all these overwhelming thoughts and fears and emotions and uncertainties and anxieties, you still got back up. And everybody else has too. And you can look at everybody else around you and lean on the people around you and ask them, hey, how are you doing it?

There are so much going on right now. Like, how are you handling all of this uncertainty? Like, I don't know what and also knowing that like you're in this with everybody else, like, nobody has it any easier than the next person. Like nobody is any better at understanding it or dealing with it or working through it. Like there are always going to be moments where people feel so lost and so wobbly and feel like completely knocked off their feet in this time after college.

It is up to you to figure out how to make it through. It is up to you to prove to yourself that you can do it and you will be totally fine and you will figure everything out. And on the other side of all of that, you will start to find what is meant for you, what you want to do with your life, what your purpose is, what you're supposed to do with all of this time you have. A little existential, but like it is, it's a cool thought knowing that you are like your best friend in all of this, knowing that like you are on your own side.

And like when you start to realize that when you start to like really internalize that and like your thoughts become your own superpower instead of this thing like working against you and feeling all like discombobulated and jumbled when you start to like work with yourself, everything kind of clicks into place. And I encourage you to listen to this episode maybe a few months after college and maybe again in the next year and

Maybe this is an episode you revisit or you send to a friend who's in this period of life or in any period of life that is uncertain. This also, I think, really relates to like moving somewhere new or moving somewhere you've never lived before moving in with it. Just it applies to all these different scenarios of really big life transitions. And I think that's what makes this type of thing cool is that.

Josh Felgoise (25:53.682)

These thoughts don't really go away, you just get better at learning how to deal with them. You just prove to yourself that that you get better at doing it. And in time, you will become a little bit less uncertain, a little bit less anxious, and a little bit less fearful the next time something new comes your way.

That is the episode. Thank you so much. Listen to guy said a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh. I'm 25 years old and I'm here every single week, every single Tuesday to talk about what should be talked about for guys. If you like this episode, I really hope you did. Please like subscribing to this podcast. Five stars and review. That's one to four, five stars, not four, not three, not two, not one, definitely not one. It's five stars. Thank you for that. I really, really appreciate that. Please also send this to a friend. Anybody you think would, it would benefit from this episode or gain some value from this, anybody that you know in your life.

that is in a life transition or any sort of transition that would be really appreciated. And I feel like they would appreciate it too. You can watch this full episode on YouTube at guyset, G-U-I-S-E-T. You can watch my other podcast on there as well. If you're going on a date this week where I talk about everything going on in terms of pop culture, movies, music, TV shows, entertainment, sports, anything going on in the world that you could talk about on your date this week. I do that every Monday and every Thursday of every single week. You can find daily blog posts on guyset.

calm across dating, confidence, comparison, lifestyle, mindset, style, really anything you're thinking about wondering, I'm answering the questions that guys are asking about four times a day on there. So you can find a ton of other blog posts and it's kind of like a continuation of what I do on here over there. It's like the guys set universe expanded. So you can find so many more answers and really just like search any question on there and I should have something that answers it.

It's just like a different form to get this type of information or advice or opinions And thank you so much for listening to guys set a guys guide to what should be talked about and I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys