Pick Up Lines, Age Gaps, and Salary Negotiations, Dear Guyset

Welcome back to another dear guyset episode where I answer the questions that guys are asking. Whether that's about a situation, a situationship, a relationship, really anything you want advice on and I answer them to the best of my abilities. I am no expert, I will never claim to be an expert, but I am willing to share

what I have learned, what I have gone through and what I continue to go through, what I continue to learn so that I can hopefully help inform whatever you're going through or what you're wondering about, anxious about, curious about, want an answer to in hopes of making a lot of these questions come to light. I feel like one of the best things about these episodes is that it makes the personal more universal, like...

The fact that a lot of us guys, if not all of us guys, have these questions swirling around in our heads, but we just like never ask them or talk about them or know where to ask or talk, find an answer to them because like we feel weird or awkward or uncomfortable for not already knowing the answer. Like a lot of the times we feel like we should already have the answer or know what to do or know the next step or know the next thing to do. So instead of...

feeling like we actually do know and finding an answer or asking for advice, we just kind of like hold back and like stay where we were because we feel like we should already know. And I feel like this is one of my favorite episodes. This is one of my favorite episodes to do every month. I do this every third week of the month because it kind of opens the vault to all of the questions that guys are actually asking. These come from questions that you guys have asked me.

Questions I find that guys are asking that I've heard that I ask myself that friends ask that I talk about in my personal life that like it kind of comes from like all of those different places and I pull I try and do like seven to ten every month every third week of the month and these are like opening the vault of those questions and bringing them all to light and Chances are if you were a guy you have wondered one of these questions before or

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are currently wondering this right now. And I feel like if one guy is asking these questions, there are millions, if not millions and millions of guys asking these questions. Maybe that's a big exaggeration. If there's one guy asking these questions, there's at least thousands or hundreds of thousands. Yeah, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to go with millions of guys asking or wondering, or at least at one point in their life have wanted to know this type of answer or advice. So if anything, I feel like these episodes should make you feel a lot less alone in all of this.

and in feeling like you don't know what to do or how you're supposed to do it or all of that. So let's get into it. The first question is, what are your thoughts on age gaps in relationships? First of all, I feel like to each their own, like I'm never going to tell somebody how to live. Like if they're a 25 year old guy dating a 40 year old girl, like, no, that's actually really not. It's like, know what? I'm not going to tell you how to live, but I will share my opinion on it. I

Feel like there is a really big difference in terms of your level of maturity at different ages. Like, if you're a 23 year old guy and you're dating an older girl, like she's 29, 30, like the maturity gap there is massive. Like, that cannot be understated and I feel like the different stages of life that you are both in in different ages are very real and very, like, there's like a huge disparity between the two things, like,

If you're dating an older girl like the things that she's considering are very different than things you're considering like you're looking for fun plans or like where you're drinking tonight or like how to go to work hungover like how to present at this meeting or how to ask for promotion or like all of these things that are very real in the ages of 21 to 25 26 27 whatever but are very different than like 30 31 32 33 like the different stages of life.

from 30 on and I guess like 20 to 25 like it's just very different like the what a woman a woman like the changes from girl to woman and at that point in life like if you're dating a woman like the the the differences in maturity are very real I also feel like I've heard and it's definitely true that like girls are just much more more mature than guys so if you're an older girl like the she's already more mature because of her age and she's more mature because she's a girl like

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She's probably thinking about kids and a family and like settling down and like setting up a house in a 401k and like, no, of course you are too, but like mortgage and like all of these like real, real, real real life things. Whereas you're just not in that stage as a young person, like as a 21 to 25, 26 year old, like I just don't feel like the worries and concerns and anxieties of a 30 something are the same as a 20 mid twenties something.

So in an age gap in a relationship, if you are ready, willing and able to like settle down and settle in and like buckle up for like real life, then I think it's okay. And I think if you're wanting to navigate that with somebody older than like, by all means, go for it. When you, when it becomes a little older in life, like if you're a 30 year old and seeing a 35 year old, that's a little different because

you're in a much more mature stage of life than you are when you're in your twenties. I guess I'm really specifically talking to somebody who's in their twenties right now and dating somebody older. Or if you're in your thirties dating somebody younger, I feel like it works for both ways. Again, not telling you how to live. Like if you're a 33 year old bachelor and you want to date a 22, it's not, I don't know. It's, I'm, it's not, can't give my, this is a hard one, but like my thoughts on age gaps in relationships are that

If you're mature enough to date somebody older than like go for it But I really don't think a lot of guys are to be honest with you like I just don't think a lot of guys have that maturity that is required of like an older mature lady woman Lady of the night. That's a stripper. Not that so I just I don't think Young guys are primed to date older girls or older women ladies ladies

And I think it shifts in your 30s. Like, of course, like I feel like my parents have friends who are like somebody's 60 and somebody's 50. Like, it's totally different. It depends on when you met. Like if you met in your 30 and 40 or 40 and 50, like you're you're already in that stage of your life. But if you're 20 and 30, that is a very big difference. I feel like a lot of the times you see like an older guy with a younger girl. And that's that seems to work better because, again, that girl is more mature at that younger age.

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The younger guy with an older girl, and sorry I just jumped to that conclusion. That's what I'm going off of. The younger guy and older girl, I feel like doesn't always work out that well because she's looking for more seriousness in a relationship, whereas you're trying to navigate what to do on a first date, when to hook up. I don't know, I just think that the worries and concerns of a mid-20s, early-20s guy are very different than a late-20s, early-30s guy.

And yeah, like, I mean, when I started doing this podcast, I specifically said that it was for your 20s. And I feel like one of the hardest parts about that is like I alienate anybody that's over 29, 30, 31. And like, I've been trying to navigate that because I don't feel like that needs to happen. Like, I don't feel like I need to navigate like an older audience. Like I'm turning 26 next week. Happy early birthday to me. And I got to change the intro because I say I'm 25 years old. So this is the last week of that intro.

Um, but I don't want to like outphase myself in four years, right? Like this should be for somebody that's older, but in time, the things that you talk about are very different and the things that you learn and navigate are different. like when I'm 29, what I know then is much different than what I know at 24. And, um, that's maybe one of the best parts about this podcast is that I'm, kind of like growing up alongside it and

I started it when I was 23 and now I'm 20 going to be 26 next week. But I'm not out aging the podcast itself like I'm still going to answer all of those questions. But I have been trying to figure out how to like make sure I'm including that older audience too. And I'm not sure I can at this age at this time because I do think the concerns and the anxieties and the things that I talk about like the things that should be talked about.

are always the same for somebody who's 33 and 23. I think they are different at times. I there are overlaps. I think it's a Venn diagram. Like I think there is a center ground where the things that a 32 year old are thinking about on is thinking about on dating are similar to a 23 year old on dating. But other things like your career and the progression of your career. And there's a question in here I'm going to talk about in a little bit about like negotiating your salary like

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I feel like you have a better grasp of that when you're 33, but maybe some of the relationship stuff saves the team depending on what stage of dating you're in. Kind of a crazy ramble rant, but like all to say, I do think that your age and your maturity level like should be increasing together. Like they should be a perpendicular, I hope that's the right one, line of moving up. Like you should.

If you're getting older, be more mature and learn more and learn how to navigate situations better. but I don't know what I was saying. I'm sorry. I got lost in the sauce there. Realistically, what I think about age gaps is that it just really depends on what you're looking for. And if you're a young guy dating an older girl, like you're probably not looking for the same things that she's looking for. And if you're an older guy looking for a girl, maybe you're also not looking for the same things that she's looking for, but you're like biological clock isn't as

Like a woman, I learned this yesterday, like a woman is considered geriatric pregnancy when she turns 30. Like that's crazy. Geriatric, like they should change that. That's like a crazy word. I don't know. actually, can't say they should change that. I don't know anything I'm talking about. I'm talking about pregnancy. Nevermind. But yeah, like just know that going into it, if you're going into a relationship where there's a big age gap, just know that where you're at in life is probably very different than the other person. And

You have to either find a middle ground or like find the things that relate to each other or see eye to eye on what you're looking for in life for it to work. I could have just said that honestly instead of that like seven minute ramble. You have to make sure you both want the same things in life for an age gap to work or be in a similar stage of what you like both desire.

Wow. Okay. The next question is why do I keep meeting people I hate on dating apps? That's a funny question. I feel like I've been here before, by the way, like, honestly, I feel like I've been on some really, I went on some really bad, really bad dating app dates. And I feel like those dates specifically were during the, or were the girls that I didn't actually like.

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get to know enough before I asked on the date. Like I early on in the conversation, whether it was like still on hinge or over text, asked on the date before I really knew anything about the person. And I feel like those don't ever really turn out that well. So if you're going on a lot of dates with somebody that you do not like, you said hate. So if you're going on dates that with people you hate on dating apps, it's probably because you're not getting to know them well enough before you go on the date. And I'm not saying you have to know everything about them before you go on a date. I just think

there is a benefit in knowing enough about them to or having enough of a conversation with them, maybe like a day or so of texting, or maybe even a few hours of texting before you ask. Yeah, even a few hours should be enough to see if there's any like glaring red flags about the person. Like over text over a few hours and back and forth or a day or so, you should be able to determine that if this person is a serial killer or not, like not that they're gonna be a serial killer because like that's God forbid they're not.

But you should be able to determine like if this person is crazy or if they have a lot of glaring red flags, if you would like a ton of differences or if you are not going to see eye to eye at all on things over a few hours or days of texting for sure. I feel like when I didn't and I just kind of like got a couple texts out and was like, so nice to meet you. You like dogs. I like dogs. You like sushi. I like sushi. Like you like the you like music. I like music like very.

obvious things like to be like, great, like this should work. And then I like asked on the date and then we went on the date and I was just like, we have nothing in common. But I have a really dogs and sushi and music. Like that is not enough to hold the two hour conversation. Like this is not going anywhere. And I feel like once you get past the dogs, sushi and music conversation or that part of the conversation and over text, like you get to know them a little bit better. Not that you're going to know them very well, but like enough so to know that you're going to

be able to want to hold a conversation with them and not hate them. So if there are a bunch of dates you've gone on with people that you're just not vibing with, like try to get to know them a little bit better over text before you ask on the date and try to have a level of interest and excitement when going into the date. if a few of them too, like I feel like they were just like, I'm going on this date, like just to go on a date and that's fine. Like that is okay. I think it is important to also put yourself out there and

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just start doing that, especially early in dating. Like I really do think it's very important to put yourself out on dates and experience what that's like and put yourself in uncomfortable positions where you're gonna have to be uncomfortable and leave it being like, that did not go well and I did not say the right things and I was awkward and I feel like I said bad things and I feel like I stumble of my words and there was a lot of gaps and silences and we just did not vibe at all. Like I think those are important moments and learning experiences for everybody.

even if it's dating or work or friends or meeting somebody new, it's having to put yourself in uncomfortable positions and put yourself in places where you feel awkward or anxious. Like it is important to learn that you can get out of that and be on the other side and still be totally okay. And like navigate that on your own. Those are very good learning experiences. So I'm not saying not to do that. And I think if you're starting out dating, you should be doing that because you should just like get yourself out there and put yourself on dates and

the more you're gonna put yourself out there, like the more good things are gonna come back to you. Like there is some sort of saying that's like, the more like surface area you give yourself, like the more places you go, the more things you do, the more opportunities you give yourself, the more things are presented to you and things that just kind of, you kind of like fall into things and the more people you meet, the more things you do. And it's just like kind of snowball effect of like the more you put yourself out there, the more you will receive back.

So I think early in dating, should be doing that. But after a few, and once you've gotten that like dating experience that like sent on you and you understand what it's like and you know, and you've learned a little bit, then I think it's time to start making sure you're interested in the person and you're excited about the person before you ask them on the date. So I think that is gonna be really helpful too. Like if you're

not looking forward to the date and it's one of those like, oh, we have this date tonight. I have drinks at 730 at this dumb bar with this person I'm not like that interested in excited about like you're already going in not excited. You're already going in with this like veil of I'm not looking forward to this. I'm not going to have fun. And at that point just cancel the date and just like say you're not free tonight. I'm sorry. Like I'm not feeling well or like something came up like at that point if you're going to come into it with that attitude of like this is going to suck like I don't want to do this like blah blah blah like

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then I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't put yourself in that position because you're not going like you're already giving yourself the outcome before you've given your chance yourself the opportunity to have another outcome. So don't even put yourself in that one. But if you're going to go in excited and hopeful and willing and like this could be fun and this could be a match and I'm excited to meet this person. I'm looking forward to this. That's a way better mindset. So

I would also just like check your mindset or check your attitude, not to say like check your shit, but like check your attitude going into these dates. Like if you're going in, like not looking forward to it, then you're not gonna, you're gonna leave not excited about it or leave feeling like it wasn't good. So you probably keep meeting people you hate on dating apps. One, because you're asking them out too early before you know anything about them. And two, because you're kind of not excited about them going into them. I think both of those things play a factor.

The next question is, are there good pickup lines? Like, no, unless you are super naturally funny and can like get yourself out of any scenario and situation and like, you're just a very conversational and very like conversationally situational person. Like you can, a lot of words to say that like, unless you're really funny and off the cuff and like just like a real jokester, like if you've got it.

which I feel like is very few and far between for people. I think that I'm funny, but I'm not like that in situations, especially when I don't know somebody. So unless you're really confident and you're really funny, I think there's not great pickup lines. I don't think it's benefiting you to be like, hey, did you build a little, you know, just coming up with some bit. Unless you're John Mulaney, Shane Gillis, which you're probably not, no offense to you.

No offense to me, none taken. I hope you feel the same way. Unless you are one of these like really like very confident, very outgoing, very witty people, I don't think pickup lines are the way to go when you're trying to talk to somebody or you want to meet somebody or ask somebody for their number. I think the best way to go up to somebody is like a very classic way. Like the method to the madness has not changed over the past 50 to 100 to 3000 years. Like it's always going to be the classic like

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Hey, I think you're really cute. I'm Josh. It's nice to meet you or hey, I think you're really cute. What's your name? I'm Josh and like that type of introduction a compliment. I think you're cute. Like if you're comfortable like I want to I'd love to buy you a drink not if you're not saying that like if you're comfortable buying the person to drink like I think that's a great way to do it to offering to do that at least a little bit into the conversation. But I really think like the classic way is always going to be the best way.

I think you're cute, nice to meet you. Hey, what's your name? Or you ask a friend to introduce you or you do it with like... The method of the madness hasn't changed and it's not going anywhere and it's always gonna be the best way to meet somebody. But it's also like having a really good amount of confidence going up to somebody. Like if you're looking down, if you're looking at your shoes, if you're like, I'm nice to meet you, I think you're really cute. Versus like, hey, I think you're really cute, I'm Josh, nice to meet you. Like you see the difference there?

It's a very apparent difference. And if you have an air of confidence to you when you walk up to somebody, not in an arrogant way, not in like a, bitch, sorry. Not like that, of course. Of course not that. You know what I mean. And I think you know what I mean and I know what I mean. And I don't think there's really good pick up lines. I don't think that there is one or two that have a success rate over more.

I think if you're looking for a pickup line, the best is just to go with the classic route route route. And otherwise, I wouldn't just like try something unless you are funny. Like there that you are, there is an exception. Like if you're funny, then she'll be like, what? Like, I don't, I don't get, and then you can get yourself out of that. But like, that's not me. That's not a of people I know. So I would go the classic route. If you're looking to pick somebody up or ask somebody for the number or you're looking for a pickup line, just go with the classic.

The next question is how do you prepare for an interview quickly? So hopefully you have more time than just quickly and like if you don't, I mean, I've been there too before. I feel like there are definitely times where there's not enough time to prepare or you're getting out of a work thing and you have to go to this other thing and like there are definitely times where you got to be quick. The first thing I would say is I guess these also apply if you're trying to

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prepare for an interview quickly or you have time, like this kind of works for both. Read up on the company, like make sure you know what the company is doing, what their goals are, what they've been doing, what they actually do in general, like read up on the company. That's kind of number one. Number two, I would say read up on the person interviewing you. So just like do a quick stalk of their LinkedIn, check out their previous experiences, what they've done, where they went to college, what they do at the company.

know what their role is and their title is and what that role actually does or kind of functions as. That's like a great place to start. If you know both of those things, like you're pretty prepared. The other things I would say are to know the competition or like the competitive landscape of the company. So if you're applying for a company like Apple, like knowing for, I don't know, actually, I don't know like all their competitors, like knowing all of the competitors of the company.

is a great way to start out. Like that's a good head space to be in. Just like you really understand the industry as a whole and who they're up against and what the people in that industry are doing and who's doing it well is another good thing. I would say that's kind of like number three or four is to know somebody in the industry or in that landscape doing what they do really well. So having an example like I feel like a question that a lot of interviews ask is like

What's an example of somebody doing this really well right now? like who do you look to, knowing a current event as well, like who do you look to as somebody doing really well in this industry or kind of making breakthroughs or doing a great job? Yeah, so knowing that, think knowing a current event or like knowing what's happening in the world in general is always a good thing. Like just like a super quick like.

scan of news today or like news right now. Obviously, if there's something that applies to what you're applying to applies applies both different meanings both worked well. Thank you. Obviously, like if there's something that's applying to what the position that you're going for, then talking about that will make you stand out. That will be like a great thing to do. That's probably like it on.

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the company, the industry, the landscape, all of landscape, all of that. Knowing a few of those things like the company, the people, the person who's interviewing you or the people who are interviewing you and like some competitors or who's doing it well, I would say like those are the big things I would prepare for going into an interview because you can bring them up at any time or like kind of weave them into a question. And that's impressive. Like if somebody did that and I was interviewing them and I'd be like, wow, like they've done their research, they've

looked shit up, they've actually spent the time, even if you're doing it quickly, like they've obviously spent the time to do this. They took the time out of their day to prepare for this interview and that sets you apart. The other things I would say to do are on your own side, know what you're really good at. Know what you can bring to the table and what you can do to bring value to this company.

what you could really like work on or what you aspire to or what you're aspiring for, like what you want out of this role, preparing the kind of two one or two best things you've done in your current job or you've done so far, whether you're still in college, like, what are the impressive things you can point out about yourself that you can kind of like weave into any question they ask?

I know a lot of people prepare to be like, what are your three strengths and your three weaknesses? Like I think it is important to have like your strength, but that can be like something you've worked on too, or like something that you've proven that you're good at. And then like a weakness, you always want to transit, transform from like something you're actually not good at to something that like you never want the weakness to be something you're actually not good at because then you don't want to like point something out you're not good at. If that makes any sense. The weakness is a trick question.

So whatever weakness you prepare, make sure it's not actually a weakness and it's something that you could continue to improve on. That's the best way to do that. Something you've already worked on maybe in your current job. Well, I started off in my last job not actually really knowing how to do this thing. And through these few projects, I've gotten really good at it, but that's always something I'm working toward. That's always something I wanna get better at.

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So I'd say that's something like, is I guess a weakness you could say, like that's a good way to frame it or reframe that type of question, preparing those couple things. and just like how to spin any of your experiences, like pick one experience that you've had, whether it's a project, whether it's a something you spearheaded yourself, like something you created and started yourself, something you worked on, like whatever it is, make sure you have at least one of those that you can talk about in depth. Also, you obviously never want to go on too long about something, but like,

In-depth meaning like you can talk about like how you fully added value in it or to it from here to here and like what you could bring to that company. Also making sure you're asking a question or two at the end. I think a really great question to ask somebody is what is it project or something that you're working on right now that you love or that you're looking forward to or you're excited about?

That is a great way for someone to be like, wow, because realistically they're in the job right now, right? Like 30 minutes before your interview, they were actually working on the work and 30 minutes after your interview, they're all still going back to do the work. So letting them talk about what they're actually working on will give you a really sense of what they actually, a really good sense of what they actually do. And it will also let them like talk to you honestly and openly about the company. And it gives you a great understanding and they think it's a great question. So ask somebody like,

What's a project or something you're working on right now that you're really excited about? Great question. You could also ask them, I think another great question, like you could just take these two and run by the way. I think then another great question is like, how could I be successful in this role? Like what could I do in this role to be successful? Or like what could I do to set myself up for success in this role? Fantastic question. Like both of those questions are perfect. I don't think you need to say anything else. Of course, the end of the interview should also say like, I'd love to.

follow up about next steps. And then after the interview, you should send a thank you email and point to something in the interview that you really liked, like highlight a moment and that why that question is so great at the end to ask them about a project or something that are initiative that they're excited about that they're looking forward to. That is something that you can directly point to in your email. Like this is seriously a crash course on like this is something that like I've learned over time, but I think it's a crash course on what to do for interviewing.

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And maybe I should make a full episode on how to interview. I think I've it before, but I could do it again. You should use whatever they said, like the example that they gave the project they're working on and say, like, I really loved learning about this. Like, I really appreciated how you explained how you're working on this. I really appreciated you explaining this project to me. It sounds really cool and I'd love the opportunity to work on it. That type of thing. Bang, like fucking bang.

So send that thank you email, send the follow up. And that's how you prepare for an interview quickly. That is your like five minute, six minute how to prepare for an interview. I hope it wasn't as long as that. The next question is how much should you be texting when you first start seeing someone? It is so exciting being in that first stage of dating, like the honeymoon phase if you will, like especially when you first meet somebody and you're falling for them and you're like kind of falling in love or.

falling in like, I feel like you should be texting a lot if you're into them, like, and they're into you. Like, I'm not gonna say like an amount of text you should be sending per day, but like, I feel like you really want to be talking to them. You wanna be updating them and texting them and letting them know about your day and asking them about their day and like talking about mundane stuff and sending songs back and forth and talking about this thing that you talked about on the date.

and that thing that you're looking forward to on the next date or the next place or setting up the next date. Like I feel like early on in dating, you should be texting a lot or you probably are texting a lot. And I feel like this isn't part of the question, but I feel like if you're not, then either you're not that interested or she's not that interested. And that's okay. And that also grows with time too. Like if you're hearing this and you're going on a second or a third date and you're like, fuck, I'm not texting enough. Like don't think that that's not what I want.

what I want you to get out of this or the takeaway to be. That can grow over like a few dates or over like the three to five dates you start on, but I feel like if you really like someone and you're interested in them, you wanna be talking to them a lot and that same thing goes for the other person too. So I think you probably asked this question how much should you be texting when you first start seeing someone, maybe because you're not texting that much.

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But there is no should. Like I really want to take away that from the question. Like there is no should in terms of relationships or situationships or timelines or how you should be at this stage of your life or how you should feel where you're at in life right now. There's no should. Every relationship, every person, every situation is so different. And to compare one to the other would be doing it in injustice and wouldn't be

being unfair to your new situation, like even comparing this early stages of dating to another person you saw in an early stage of dating is unfair. It's a totally different person. You're also at a different part of your life or a different stage of your life, even if it's a couple months later, like you're not the same person you were then. And I think it's unfair to compare to how much you are texting then to this new person you're texting now. So I think any sort of comparison, whether it's

with your friends, with me, with somebody else, with your old self. Like, I think it's unfair and I think you shouldn't be comparing. But I do think if you're interested in someone and you want to be seeing someone and you like someone, you're probably texting a lot. The next question is, how do I negotiate my salary? I think the best way to come into any sort of negotiation when you're trying to get a raise, when you're trying to increase whatever you're at or you're

telling somebody that you think you deserve more is to prove your value and your worth. So think to yourself, like, how am I or how have I been indispensable to this company? Like, how have I actually provided value to this company? And I genuinely mean like dollars value, like how have you provided value to the company? How have you increased the amount of money they're making or how have you

actually impacted a project that then impacted the amount of money the company makes like you and most likely not everybody is the person that brings in the money for the company like I'm not if in any of the jobs I've had I have not been the person that is directly bringing in money for the company but I can point to ways that have influenced the amount of money the company makes or I can point to ways that I have definitely improved this thing that we're working on that have most likely led to this and that if you know what I mean like

Josh Felgoise (32:40.819)

The best way to provide your value is to share how you are actually making that company money. And that is like all like the top dogs, like the highest people are thinking about is like how you are bringing in value to the company, how you're actually making money for the company. And I think it is so much stronger to walk in and point to like examples or projects of things that you've done and you've worked on that have added real value.

to prove your worth more than anything else. Like think that is the best way to prove your worth is to be like, I worked on this project and I know that it did this or I know that it led to this. And I feel like the amount of work I've done and what I have, think coming into a meeting that I had on the previous CEO of Barstool Sports, Erica Ayers-Badan on, I think it was my 35th episode of the podcast. And I asked her this question and I'm gonna go back and listen to that episode again and I recommend you do the same.

And then I'll also write a blog post about what she said too, because remember she gave really amazing advice about negotiating, but she said along the lines of like, come in with like three to five things that you've done that can prove what you've done. Like don't come in just saying like, I want to raise and have nothing to back it. Like you have to back what you're saying with what you've done. So the best way to negotiate your salary is to show what you've done and talk about what you've done.

and then talk about how that has impacted the company, how that has led to increase in value or how it's led to more money coming in. Like, how can you talk about what you do? And everybody can, by the way, like this isn't just some, this isn't advice that only some people can take. And some people are going to be like, well, what I do doesn't really do that. Like everybody can find a way in which what they do with the company provides value because otherwise you wouldn't be at the company. Otherwise you wouldn't be at the job. Like what you're doing is there for a reason. You are there for a reason. And don't forget that. And

Figure out the way in which what you do impacts the company. Like put the pieces of the puzzle together for yourself. And I'm telling you, like you may be listening to me right now and be like, yeah, I hear you, but like what I do does not do that. It does. Everybody has everybody's job is a function of the company for a reason and is there for a reason. And what you do matters. So make sure you know what you do and why it matters.

Josh Felgoise (35:00.639)

prove that to the person that you're asking for the raise or you're negotiating with for a higher salary, because that's the best way to do it. And then like I think that's this is from her advice, like this is stuff I've learned over the past five years to like I didn't come out of college knowing this or knowing how to do this or what to do. And this doesn't make a negotiation or asking for a raise any less scary or anxiety inducing or all of the things like I feel like there is a

There is also like a disparity between guys and girls and asking for a raise and guys are supposed to or like it's ingrained in us that we are supposed to just like walk into an office, like slam the door open and be like, I need to deserve a million dollars. Like, I deserve more money. And like there is like this predisposed thing that like we already have inside us an ability to negotiate and an ability to like put our balls on the table and be like, this is what I'm worth. Like I deserve this. And

That's not true for most people. Like most people do not know how to do this. Most people, it is not like that. They also are scared and anxious and like, I don't know what to do or what to say. And when I get in that room, I'm going to black out and blank out and say the wrong things. And like the few negotiations I've had and the, I'm getting a lot better at it with time, but like I can point to a few different experiences where like I left the room and I was like, I don't even know what I said. Like I fully blanked out. I

I think it went well, like I feel like I said a couple things I wanted to say and I prepared for it, but like everything kind of flew out the window when this happened or she said this or that person said that or he said this or like, I just feel like everything I wanted to do didn't end up happening the way I wanted it to happen. those are similar to what I was talking about in those like early dating experiences. Like these are experiences you have to have. These are positions you have to put yourself in in order to get better, in order to prove that you can get better and see yourself on the other side of them. So I feel like

putting yourself in a position where you're gonna ask for a raise or a negotiation is an amazing starting point. And just because you're a guy and you're supposed to know how to do this does not mean you're not gonna know how to do this. And just because you're a guy and you're supposed to feel confident going into this does not mean you're gonna feel confident going into this. And like that's one of the rumors I want to dispel. That's one of like the things I want to make sure that like not every guy leaves feeling like they're supposed to know how to negotiate or know what to say or what to do.

Josh Felgoise (37:18.951)

This isn't come naturally to most people. isn't something that we're predisposed with, predispositioned with, I don't know. This isn't something that we just naturally know how to do and feel naturally confident in. Over time and in more negotiations and in more conversations like this, you get better and you get more confident. But the first few, you are not going to feel confident. And I feel like it is an unfair thing that guys have that.

understand that we're supposed to feel like we know what to do when we go in that room. And we don't, we just don't. It's plain and simple. Like most guys don't and most guys don't have that like dick on the table. Like I'm going to ask for everything I want. And if it, if they don't, if they say, no, I'm walking and I'm like, no, like what? So I just feel like for the most part, it doesn't always happen the way you want it to, but you have to put yourself in the position.

to try and you have to see yourself in that position in order to get better and to get more confident to get and like to learn at all you have to put yourself in those uncomfortable positions it's kind of like an overarching theme of this episode is that putting yourself in these positions is the only way you'll get better and the only way you'll grow. The last question I'm going to answer is how often should you wash your work shirts. It's summer.

And it is getting hot. So unfortunately a lot. Like I think you should be washing your shirts a lot. think in the winter time you can get away with wearing that shirt three times or more, four, like, and alternating it with other shirts and not sending it to the dry cleaners or all that stuff. If you're buying a button down shirt and it's machine washable, by the way, get yourself a steamer. Like I think every guy should have a steamer.

It is like a an easy iron like it is like the steamer is mismarketed like a steamer is one of the best things that we could all have in our lives because after you wash something that's like wrinkled as fuck or you forgot to fold it or you just inevitably forget to fold it steam it you can just like this I should have an steamer company like come on here and do an ad for me because like steamers are your best friend especially when you're washing your shirts a lot especially when you don't spend all that money on like dry cleaning and pressing and like all that stuff for work shirts.

Josh Felgoise (39:34.234)

If it's machine washable, if it's not, like, unfortunately, I just feel like you have to wash your shirts a lot. It's summer, like it is so hot, you're going to get sweaty. I know a lot of my friends wear like under shirts under under their work shirts and that saves them from some of the sweat. I'm going look for some solutions. I'm going to take it upon myself to figure out like the best undershirts to wear under work shirts or maybe like the best machine washable work shirts, the best steamers. I'm going to I'm going to put myself out there and put myself on the line.

For you guys and figure out how to because the summer summer six summer season with work shirts and outfits and swamp ass and all that fun stuff swass like whoo It's not easy out there as a guy so Stay safe out there, I think you should wash your work shirts pretty often like in the summer I think You're probably sweaty wear deodorant wear cologne mask up that smell as much as you can but like if you're sweating in the shirt I feel like that's a good rule of thumb to wash the shirt

No sweat, no wash, sweat, wash. Clean and simple. Not probably not clean to be honest with you, but simple. That is the episode. Thank you so much. Listen to guys set a guy's guide to what should be talked about. Thank you so much to everybody who wrote in. Thank you for all the questions. I hope this advice was good. I hope you can bring this advice with you or take whatever piece of it was helpful and you can apply to your own situation in your in your own life. And I hope it helps and I hope it provided value and

I hope at least it opened the vault as I was talking about to the questions that a lot of guys have that we just don't think anybody else has, but in fact everybody has. That is the episode. Thank you so much. Listen to guys that a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh. I'm 25 years old for one more week and I am here to talk about everything that you talked about for guys. If you like this episode, I really hope you did. Please like subscribe with this podcast. Five stars. One, two, three, stars. Not four, not three, not two, not one. Definitely not one. Five stars. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that.

If you have questions, if you have any questions, anyone talk about that, should we talked about four guys head over to guyset.com, G-U-Y-S-E-T.com and I will be sure to talk about it. I will include it in next month's Dear Guy Set episode where I answer the questions. There's a bunch on here that I didn't get to. There's like 10 on here I didn't get to. So that list is growing and I will maybe I'll do some of these like bonus Dear Guy Set episodes throughout the summer because there was a lot of questions and I love doing these. They're so much fun.

Josh Felgoise (41:56.976)

Yeah. So ask any questions you have on guyset.com. can also DM me at guyset podcast, G U Y S E T P O D C A S T on Instagram or on Tik TOK. You can email me like there's a million ways to reach me. You could just call me at this point. yeah. So so many ways to reach me, ask me anything and I'll be sure to talk about it. You can also check out my other podcast. It's called, if you're going on a date this week where I talk about everything on the world in terms of pop culture, music, movies, TV shows.

Really anything you could talk about on your date. It's like those are parameters for the podcast. Any conversation topics, the things you could bring up, conversation starters. I do it every Monday and every Thursday. It's super fun. I love doing it. You can also watch it on YouTube the same way you watch this podcast at GuySit on YouTube. You can also find daily blog posts on guysit.com across dating, mindset, lifestyle, confidence, comparison, style.

I'm gonna write a bunch of blog posts about all that work shirts and undershirts and all that stuff. Basically, it's an extension of what I do on here over there, so I'm just answering more questions and each question kinda gets its own blog post. So you can find seriously so many questions over there, anything that you're looking for, there's probably a blog post about it at this point. So check that out. Thank you so much, listen to Guy's Set, a guy's guide to what should be talked about, and I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.