Why You Feel Like an Imposter (And How To Change it)

Josh Felgoise (00:00.204)

Welcome to Guy's Set, a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh, I'm 24 years old, and I'm here to find all the tips, advice, and recommendations for everything you're wondering about. Let's get into it.

Josh Felgoise (00:18.062)

Hi guys, welcome back to guys set a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I was on a call recently where I had a feeling that went a little bit like this. I was sitting on the call. was a four person zoom call and the guy who's new to my team started presenting to these two other people that were trying to make a partnership with or trying to do some deal with whatever that part of it's not really that relevant. But during the call or like right in the beginning I got this really weird feeling.

And I was like, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm going to add to this conversation. I don't know if I have anything to add in general. I don't think I should be here. What am I doing here? Why am I in this position? How did I get this job? What's going on? And all of these thoughts and these feelings like led me to such a silence where I was just there, like kind of stunned, kind of very confused as to how I got there, confused as to what I was doing and what I was going to say next or what I should say next. If I should even say anything next, I was just like.

What the fuck am I doing and how did I get here? And that my friend is called imposter syndrome. And I haven't experienced it that badly or that intensely in, I don't know, maybe ever. I think probably ever. And I was by far the youngest person on the call. And when I tell you it felt that way, it felt that way. Like I looked like the youngest person on the call to everybody else was a little bit older. I'm 24 as you've heard in every intro of this podcast and everybody else in that call is probably like 40 and up.

not to be ageist, probably were, I mean they looked older and they were older, they were definitely 40 and up. So I was definitely the youngest person on the call and it felt that way and it looked that way and I felt like everybody was looking at me as to like, why the fuck is this little kid here? Like what is he doing here and why is he in this position? And I immediately felt like I had something to prove and I noticed that everybody was speaking slower than me, nobody stuttered, they spoke with complete confidence and.

In my head, was like, I stutter all the time, as you know, if you listen to this podcast, I'm always stumbling over my words as I just probably just did right as I literally did as I was talking about it. And I kind of shut down and felt like my words or my comments or my addition to the conversation wouldn't be taken as seriously as everybody else is. And I'm in a very similar role to the other guy on my team who I'm talking about, who's in who's older than me. And it's just way ahead of me in life in terms of he has kids and I obviously don't. And

Josh Felgoise (02:40.792)

Throughout the conversation I added in a couple, yeah, I nodded and I was like, yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh. Just to try and prove that I was there even though they obviously knew I was there, they could literally see me. So I don't know why I felt like I should do that, but I felt like I should add in like, yeah, uh-huh. And I just started overthinking everything I was saying, especially after I said, cool, yeah. And I don't know why the hell I said cool, yeah, but I did.

So that thought led me to complete silence, which led me to shut down and led me to overthink everything that had led me to this position in the first place. So what is imposter syndrome? Imposter syndrome is, and this definition is from WebMD, which is like not that trustworthy, but like it works in this case, I believe. So imposter syndrome is when you doubt your own skills and successes, when you feel you're not as talented or worthy as others believe, and you're scared one day people will realize that too.

And it really felt that way that Monday morning, as if I was completely, as I said, in the wrong place, not knowing how I ended up here and if it was gonna be sustainable. The highlight reel of am I good enough? Can I do this? There's definitely someone better than me for this job. And what the fuck am I doing just kept going over and over in my head. So if you're in the same place as me, feeling like an absolute imposter, here's what I did to kind of get over it and...

This is definitely one those episodes where I am talking to myself just as much as I'm talking to you because I'm still kind of getting over it. And I want to preface by saying I wasn't leading the call, but when the other guy was leading, I thought, could I do as good of a job as he is doing? And here's what my takeaway from that question was. If you decide that you're not good enough to be there, then your wish will come true. I can almost guarantee that.

Your thought will soon become your reality and you will be sucked into those negative and all-consuming thoughts, just as I was. I feel like everybody on this call is more senior than me and therefore knows more than I do, so I should let them talk and I'll stay quiet. Even though I had something to say and I have something to say, I'll avoid it because my comment is less valuable and won't be taken as seriously. Congratulations, you've done it. You've self-diagnosed and successfully fallen sick with the imaginary imposter syndrome.

Josh Felgoise (04:52.204)

just as I did on that Monday morning. I allowed my comment to be sucked back into the void and stuck with the, yeah, cool, yeah, backing the guy that has years of experience on me, even though I still had something to say. So that's the first option, to be stuck in that mindset and just fear saying anything because you know everybody else is more successful and therefore is more valuable than you. And that's exactly what I did when I had something to say the first time.

The first time something came up and I was like, oh, I should probably say that because I think it'll be valuable. And all that came up and I said, nope, push that all back down. I'm just going to be, I'm going to be the ad guy. And I was, and then a second opportunity arose. I have a comment, a thought, something to say that I believe will add to this conversation, but will it be a worthwhile contribution? Should I do it? Should I go with the path of, yeah, uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah. What he said. That makes sense. Thanks for saying that. Good addition. Or this.

And this is the second kind of ideology that came over me on that, maybe the last five minutes of the call. I thought to myself, you're here, you've made it. You're in the position, you're on the call. You were actively filling one of the four Zoom boxes and you were hired for a reason. Whatever that reason was, you were there. What you do with that is up to you.

Will you show everybody on that call why you're there or will you just stay silent nodding and adding in your huh yes? The choice was mine to make. As dramatic as this sounds, this is what swirled through my head. Then it happened. I made the comment. I decided to go with the fact that I'm here for a reason. Whatever that reason was, I'm here in the same room as the rest of these people. Whether they are more valued than me, whether they're more skilled than me, whether they've had years of experience on me.

I'm still with them in the room. So I made the comment. I said the thing that I thought would be valuable. And the people on the call responded. And the way they responded was the same way I responded the first time. Right, uh-huh, okay, yeah, cool, yeah. Reassuring, right? But was it a good comment? And that leads me to the conclusion of this episode. Who the fuck knows? Was the comment I made worth everybody on that call's valuable time?

Josh Felgoise (07:05.378)

time that I in that moment viewed as more valuable than mine, graded on the scale of age and experience. Was what I said more valuable than what they said? Was it even valuable at all? Who knows? But here's the thing. Did I do something that I thought was helpful to the conversation? Yes. I know that to be true. Whether it resonated or not isn't really up to me. What somebody else does with what you say is not up to you. You don't get to control their reaction or their response. So that leads me to why I said it.

As you know, I was thinking out my next move very deliberately, to speak or not to speak. And I decided to say something because I realized, as I told you before, that I fell into that position for one reason or another. Was I the youngest and least experienced on the call? Yes. But was I in the room with them? Yes. I was still in the room with them. So why does it matter? And here's the thought that completely changed my mindset on the whole conversation topic of imposter syndrome.

I made it to the room at a way younger age than they did. So technically, have the tables turned completely and am I the one ahead? I was sitting in a room with them at a way younger age than they were with me. So maybe they're looking at me wondering how the hell did this kid get here and how did he make it in the room before I did? Why is he here and why is he not saying anything except for yeah? Is he going to add something to the conversation and finally show me why he's here?

And that leads me to the crescendo of this whole episode. Is everybody experiencing imposter syndrome? Does everybody wonder if what they say will be valuable? Maybe they do and maybe they don't. But what I can tell you is I experienced it on a massive scale that last Monday. And I got over it by believing that everybody else is kind of experiencing it too. And I also got over it by realizing that comparing myself to those people isn't going to get me any further.

and them comparing themselves to me will only make them feel worse about their position. So why compare when we're all in the same room together and trying to add value and make ourselves worthwhile? Why not just add what you think will be worthwhile or valuable, share what you think, and hopefully it will? What I'm trying to say is I do believe that everybody goes through what I went through at some point. A debilitating yet important moment of imposter syndrome. When you think you don't belong,

Josh Felgoise (09:28.108)

when you think you're less valuable than somebody else. And I wrote most of the ideas for this episode down right after that call because I had another call in 20 minutes after that and I thought to myself if I continue to let this overcome me, overcome me? I don't know. Because I realized if I continue to let the fear of talking or the fear of sharing my opinion or things that I think will be valuable and helpful to the conversation, I will truly turn my thoughts into reality and everybody else will be like, what is this person doing here? He shouldn't be here.

get off these calls, you're fired. So if I continue to go down that path of I should just continue to say, uh-huh, yeah, sure, cool, yeah, like I literally said, what the fuck was that? Then I'm really not adding anything to the conversation and I am not adding any value. So I wrote this down and I plan to look back at this every time or any time I experience this imposter syndrome again or this feeling of.

lack of self-worth, or this idea that I'm less valuable than the rest of the people on the call or I'm with in the workplace or wherever it is. And I'm gonna read it to you. Why let the fear of striking out deter you from swinging? You're already at the plate or you're already in the meeting. You have the choice to stand there and watch the ball go by, then head back to the bench with your head down and shoulders hunched. Or you can take the swing or you can say the thing. You may miss every ball and you may swing at shit.

You may say the wrong thing and you may add no value. There will be times when the crowd booze or people don't respond the way you hoped. The call goes silent and nobody agrees. But you left the plate knowing you swung. You said the thing you thought would be valuable. And to me, that's better than going down without trying. And maybe, just maybe, the people on the call will actually learn something from you. Maybe they'll leave thinking, you know what? That kid changed my perspective.

He had something to say. He brought value or at least he brought an opinion and a perspective. And that's more than most people can say. I hope you come back to this episode anytime you're experiencing imposter syndrome or that feeling the way that I did and can hear the words that I said and attach your own meaning to them. I hope this helps you in anything you're working on in your job, in your career, in your relationships, in everything you're doing, in your passions. And I hope you can realize as I did that you are there for a reason.

Josh Felgoise (11:50.606)

The reason may be unknown to you and it may be unknown to everybody else, but you are still there for a reason. So say the thing you want to say and take the swing or at least go down trying. Thank you so much. Listen to guys set a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh. I'm 24 years old and I'm here to talk about everything that should be talked about for guys in their twenties every single Tuesday. If you liked this episode, I really hope you did. Please like subscribe, give this podcast five stars. That's one, two, three, four, five.

Send anything that talk about that should be talked about to my email, josh at guyset.com j o s h at gu i s e t dot com or to my dms at the guyset th e g u i s e t on Instagram, Tik Tok and all other social medias. Thank you so much. Listen to guyset. Next week's episode is one of those episodes that I talk about as being one of those core episodes to this podcast and guyset in general. It's a conversation with one of my friends about his experience with anxiety and therapy.

in a really, really honest and transparent way. And I'm so excited to put that one out. I think you'll really like it and I'm excited for you to hear it. Thank you so much for listening to Guy Set and I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.