Why Do I Talk to Myself Like This?

Josh Felgoise (00:00.204)

Welcome to Guy's Set, a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh, I'm 24 years old, and I'm here to find all the tips, advice, and recommendations for everything you're wondering about. Let's get into it.

Josh Felgoise (00:17.944)

Hi guys, welcome back to guys that a guy's guide to what should be talked about. This month is men's mental health month. And I think it's important that we talk about guys mental health all the time. It's I don't think it's important to put one month behind it because I doubt most of you listening to this knew it was men's mental health month at all. It's not really like a propped up thing. And it's similar to the way we think about our own mental health. And the stereotype is, is that guys don't deal with their shit or they don't deal with their problems or not.

Process our emotions or share our feelings or emotions or have conversations about how we're feeling or talk to our friends or our family or therapists about how we're feeling they suppress it they push it down and they wait for it to come back up and they just press it down again and I believe if you're listening to this you can probably resonate with that I resonate with that statement and most guys in their teens 20s 30s Don't deal with their problems or their shit properly

because it's not the way we were raised or the way we were taught or the way society looks at how guys are supposed to deal with their problems. And I'm sure you're like, yeah, that's exactly how I deal with my shit is we barely talk about the things that are bothering us, the things that are making us feel shitty or uncomfortable. And we don't go through the proper ways to get it out or get it under control. And until recently, maybe in the past five, 10 years, it's become a thing that

guys mental health is a priority as well and the realization that guys also face mental health problems or also have the same mental health problems and that's come up the same way with therapy and and with the the way in which people are talking about mental health much more candidly and honestly and openly and while it's becoming a more normalized topic for guys to talk about their mental health or the way they feel and go to therapy and deal with their shit

It's still really not a comfortable topic for guys to talk about. I don't know if it ever will be. And I hope to do my part in trying to make it a more normalized or more comfortable topic that you can open up about or feel comfortable opening up about. But it's it's not. And that's that's not the way that men are raised to have feelings or emotions or let their shit out. And I think it's important we talk about it. So that's the point of this episode today is bring that a little bit more to the forefront.

Josh Felgoise (02:37.654)

And I think it's really important to have uncomfortable conversations and make ourselves uncomfortable to then turn them into comfortable conversations, make them more normal to make them feel more possible. And the most important conversation you will have today is the one between your ears, the one you have with yourself when you wake up, the one you have with yourself when it's going right. And the one you have with yourself when it's going wrong, how you talk to yourself.

how you think about yourself, how you see yourself, how you think others see you, and how much you care about that. So let's break each of those down and let's start with how you talk to yourself. The title of this episode and the most important conversation you will have or hear today, tomorrow, and every day is the one you have with yourself. If you're talking to yourself negatively, you will think more negatively. You will see yourself more negatively,

and you will see everything more negatively. The way you speak to yourself directly affects everything you do and everybody you see. Your family, your friends, your relationships, your work, your coworkers, your creativity, your passion, and your energy. Listen to how you're talking to yourself. Later today, just at one point, listen to the way you're talking to yourself. Don't get mad at the conversation you're having, but rather work through it or see if it's something you can work through.

Figure out why you're thinking that way. What's leading to the way you're talking to yourself? Is it something you can deal with? Is it something you want to talk to somebody about? Is it something you don't want to talk to somebody about? Do you feel comfortable even talking about it? Do you know how to fix it or what to do about it? Or maybe not at all. Start there. Have a real and honest conversation with yourself today. How are you talking to yourself? The next one, how you think about yourself. It's directly correlated to the last one.

How you talk leads to how you think. Here are the two options. If you keep telling yourself you're dumb, you're bad at your job, you're incapable of finding love, your friends don't think you're funny and you'll never find a new job. Well then my friend, that is the way you'll think. You'll go down the road of I'm bad at my job. I'm unlovable. My friends think I'm annoying and I'll always be unhappy in my career. Versus the other side of with working on this every day to change your mindset, I'll get an interview.

Josh Felgoise (05:05.654)

It may take some time, but I'll get there because I know I can. I have it in me. I'll go on a good date. It's been a while and the last few didn't work out, but I'll find someone that matches my energy. I'm in no rush and I'm on my own timeline. You know what? I did have that really awkward drunk moment and it sure it led to that incredibly awkward silence, but the rest of the night was really great and I didn't ruin the entire thing and I had a great time with my friends. See how that works? How you talk to yourself leads directly to how you think about yourself. Then the next one.

how you see yourself. The shift from I'm a terrible employee to I'm hardworking and persistent leads to who wouldn't want me on their team. The shift from I'm unlovable to I've gone on some bad dates, yeah sure, but I'll get there leads to I'm a catch, excited to see who gets me. The shift from my friends think I'm annoying to I had that awkward moment but it was overall a fun night leads to I'm a fun time to be around, I make my fair share of mistakes but who doesn't?

I should ask them they're up to this Friday night. See how quickly a thought can lead to a conversation that leads to your perception? And the craziest part about this is it's all happening in your head. No one even knows or gets to know if you don't share. The last few. How you think others see you and how much you care about that. I'm going to combine these two.

I've heard a lot of things recently on this topic and the overarching point that I've learned and heard about in the past couple weeks of like researching this and listening to other people talk about it is the earlier you change your mindset and decide that you don't care as much about what other people think about you or what you're doing, the better off you'll be. When the conversation in your head switches to, well, if I do this, they'll think that and if I say this, they'll say that I better not say that or I better not do that. The quicker you will not follow what you actually want to follow.

And this is called being guided by fear and caring so much about what others think of you that you change what you actually wanted to do in the first place. The quicker you can stop letting yourself be guided by the fear of what everybody else thinks of you, the easier it will be to follow what you actually want to do. Actually, easier is not the right word. It doesn't get easier to not care what people think of you. You just get stronger at it. You remember how you reacted the one time, what it transformed the conversation between your ears into, what it took from you.

Josh Felgoise (07:23.906)

what it transformed what your action was going to be to what it turned into and how that made you feel and how you spoke to yourself about it. You remembered that conversation and how quickly it led you down a path you didn't want to originally go down. You learned from that experience and in turn learn how to speak to yourself a little nicer, a little easier and with a little bit more compassion. Over this time, you learn what it takes to change the channel in your head, to change the conversation.

change the way you're talking to yourself and change the way you're thinking about yourself. It doesn't get easier. You just get stronger. I could go on and on about all the reading I did about the amount of guys who struggle with mental health and never talk about it or never seek help or support or anything for any of this stuff. And I'm not the point of my episode is not to say that you need to go to therapy or you need to go do something about your mental health.

More so it needs to be a conversation we have that guys can feel comfortable discussing when they're not feeling great mentally and they have somewhere to go or somewhere to turn to or Someone to talk to about the way they're feeling whether that's your girlfriend whether that's a friend whether that's your mom your sister your brother your dad your cousin your boss your co-worker

It's important to find the person that you feel like you can tell when you're not feeling like yourself. I think it's really important that guys have a set of tools that they can use and know that they have available to them when they're feeling shitty. And shitty means depressed, anxious, upset, feeling alone, feeling like they don't know what's going on or what to do or what their path looks like.

or what tomorrow looks like or not being able to sleep enough or not feeling like they're good enough or all the things that we feel on a daily basis. And I think every person listening to this and every guy in general just needs to have a couple tools and things that are in their back pocket to utilize when they're feeling that way.

Josh Felgoise (09:34.586)

That's different for every person that looks different for you for me for my brother for my best friend for everybody I know that looks different and it's supposed to personally as I've told you so many times I write when I'm feeling anxious I write out my thoughts in a journal So what is yours find the tool or the outlet that you can use or turn to when you're feeling? Away, or you're not feeling great and

Figure out what that is for you. And you don't know until you try a bunch of things what is actually going to work for you. If you're listening to this right now, I just want you to recognize that there are things you can do when you're not feeling like yourself. There are things that you can do when you're not feeling okay. And it's okay not to feel okay all the time. And just because you're a guy in your teens, twenties, early thirties, like that doesn't make it weird or losery. You're allowed to feel bad. You're allowed to be anxious or depressed.

but you're not allowed to sit in that and just remain in that place. You have to figure out what works for you and how to get out of that mindset and get into a mindset where you're thinking about yourself and talking to yourself in a positive way and you're feeling good. knowing that there are ways to get out of that place and into a better place is all I try to do here. And I hope that

This episode gave you a little bit of that and showed you that the way you're talking to yourself leads to the way you think about yourself and the way you feel about yourself. And those three things will make up every part of your life. If the conversation you're having between your head is negative, you will think negatively about yourself and you will feel negatively about yourself. And there are ways to get out of that. And for me, that's going on walks or journaling or talking to people about it or talking on a podcast about it. That may not look the same for you.

But just know that it's not weird to think that way and feel that way and have negative thoughts about yourself. And I know a lot of us think other guys don't deal with mental health issues or anxiety or depression, but they do. We just don't talk about it. Like nobody's open about this shit. And that's the point of this. And if you listen to the guests I've had on so far, that's kind of one of the overarching themes so far of this podcast is that like nobody talks about this shit and

Josh Felgoise (11:56.652)

That's why this is a guy's guide to what should be talked about because mental health needs to be talked about. And this is just a start of the way I'm doing it. I don't think I provided you with the keys that unlocked the door and gave you the answer to all of the, your problems. And I answered that the conversation about why guys don't talk about this shit. I didn't do that at all. What I hope this did is just cracked into the conversation, just like knocked on the ice and like broke it a little bit. and I'll keep talking about this stuff. I.

Think that mental health month or guys mental health month, whatever it is, is a good starting place. And I will try and bring on maybe a therapist or a scientist or like, I don't know. And I'm to try and bring on some more perspectives and guests who have better tools to help with this conversation. But I hope this was a good start to breaking into the mental health conversation that I haven't really gotten into yet on this podcast, but I had this like.

moment yesterday where I just was reminded that the way the conversation you have between your head leads to how you think about yourself and leads to how you feel about yourself. And if those are all negative, it will be negative. And if you think that you can have a growth mindset and change your mindset and work on it and be persistent about it and every day, try to change the channel into something a little bit more positive and work on that every single day and chip away at it.

You can turn it into positive, positive. It doesn't have to stay negative if it's negative right now. And if it's positive, that's amazing. That doesn't mean it will always stay positive. So know that when it becomes negative, you can get back to that place too. I know that's so much easier said than done, but it can be done. The most important conversation you will have today is the one between your ears, the one you're having with yourself. How are you talking to yourself today?

Take a moment and answer that question honestly when you turn this episode off. Actually, this is the end of the episode. So take a moment now and answer that question honestly. Thank you so much. Listen to guys set a guy's guide to what should be talked about. Today's topic was all about mental health. So if you have any resources, tips, tools about mental health, please write into my email. I would love to hear them. It's josh at guyset.com j o s h at gu y s e t.com. I want to hear anything you have. You can also DM me at

Josh Felgoise (14:13.486)

the guy set T H E G U Y S E T on Instagram or Tik Tok or any of the social medias. If you have any questions, anything you me to talk about and that should be talked about, send it to my email as I gave you or my DMS. And this is a conversation that I will continue to have on here. It's a conversation that I think I barely broke into today, but I hope that it resonated or at least made you feel a little bit less uncomfortable with the uncomfortable. Thank you so much for listening and I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.