The Rule of Thirds For Your 20s

I saw this guy's video on Tik Tok, which is of course how every great podcast episode begins. And it was this guy talking about feeling really lost in the middle of his twenties. And I'm going to play it for you in a second. It's like a minute and a half. But the reason I think it resonated with me so much is because I love.

to hear that other people are feeling a similar way to how I'm feeling. And I think that's a lot of what I try and do on here. When I talk about some of the shit that like I'm experiencing or feeling or some of the feelings that I'm going through and feelings I'm feeling and like that's what I try and do a lot of the weeks I come on here. And when I was scrolling and I saw that guy's video, I was like, fuck, I needed to hear that. Like I try and do that on here. And then I was like,

I needed to hear that myself. And I don't like, I don't listen back to these episodes beside for the times I edit them and like, I don't like sit with them and really think about what I'm no. Yes, I do. That's not true. I do think about what I'm saying. I think about it a lot before, not as much so after. And in seeing this guy's video, I was like, I think that's a lot of what I try and do. And hearing him say that

made me feel really seen in a lot of the things that I talk about a lot of things I feel and think and I'm sure they will resonate with you too. And then as I was reading the comment section which is one of like the best parts of TikTok because people are really funny in the comments it makes videos way better but the comment section really resonated with what he was saying and he was like they all the people were like I feel the exact same way too and

Someone was like, huh, like we're not all feeling this way alone, are we? Like, so I'm going to play you the video and then read you some of the comments instead of just like talking about it and making them up. one second. Let me find it.

Josh Felgoise (02:21.138)

Okay. Here it is. His name is Jack non new. don't know. I just ran 17 miles on a Thursday night. have a mustache. I'm 25 couldn't be more single play basketball in college but now I'm running because it's just the thing to do. I'm going to a friend's wedding from college this weekend and I am nowhere close to even having a girlfriend.

I don't know where the trajectory of my life is going yet I'm super happy. I have a great group of high school friends that I don't see often. I love my friends here in Atlanta, I friends back in Boston, but I really have no idea what the hell is going on.

I used to love NFL, I still do, but I didn't even look at my fantasy lineup. What is going on? If I were to tell 21 year old me how I was going about my days, he would think I'm crazy and weird. I pray to God every night, I couldn't be more happy about my faith. But it's so different than what I was doing in college. This post-grad life is so strange. It is so weird to see where God is taking me.

And he's doing it in ways I didn't even imagine. Like why do have a mustache? Why is that the thing right now? I would clown this. Anyways guys, hope you have a great weekend. Post-grad is super weird. Very, very weird.

Everyone's doing their own thing. Just do your very best at whatever's going on. That's I'm trying to do. Even though I'm so confused. I just. So that's the video. He's a little bit more faithful than I am in there. Like he's a little. But that's OK. Like that's totally his own journey. That's his own thing. I'm not. That's not me to say that. I'm not. All the comments are in this video are saying the top comment post grad is the weirdest stage of life. The next one nowhere close to being married or getting a relationship.

Josh Felgoise (04:12.918)

The next one. I'm so happy we all have no idea what's going on. The next one. No one prepares you for this part. The next one. Why do I have a mustache? This is so real for any 20 year old something. 20 something year old. It's fine. Just live your life. I just feel like 22 to 28 is such a weird time. We're finding ourselves and growing up. It's so strange. so we all have no idea what's going on. As long as you're hap- my god.

As long as you're happy, that's the only metric you have to worry about. I get it. For real, I feel this exact same way. You just have to keep pushing. Like all of these comments are kind of just echoing the sentiment that this guy is saying. And he just sat down and this video has, I don't know, 55,000 likes and 300,000 views. And to hear everybody else is feeling that same way too.

makes you feel so much less alone. made me feel so much less alone because I don't know, I thought by this point I might have had a little bit more figured out and there are times when I completely do and there are days and times where I completely don't. And that's kind of what I want to talk about in this episode and I want to pair it with this other thing that I just heard recently from

the CEO named Emma Greed who founded some companies like Skims and some other ones that you may not have heard of. She's also a shark on Shark Tank. And she talked about this rule of thirds or this rule of threes. And she used it to apply to business and how she looks at finding success and making things work and how things work in her life in terms of success. And I think

this rule of thirds or this rule of threes can be applied to everything. And I think it is such a perfect application for this time in our lives for this like really weird moment after college post grad from 22, 21, 22 to like, I don't know, I'm going to say like up to 27, 28. Like I don't think that I think this time in our lives.

Josh Felgoise (06:35.16)

this like six, five year, six year experience is just weird because you know so many people doing so many different things. And I know this is something I talk about a lot on here, but it's a continuous feeling that I have and a continuous thing that I'm working through struggling with feeling good about feeling bad about, and like all of the emotions that come with that. So I think it's important to keep bringing this topic up on here.

Because in seeing that guy's video, I was like, Oh, I feel better about my situation already. And not to say that like his situation was bad and it made me feel better about mine. That's not what I'm saying at all. What I more so mean is that like, knowing that somebody else is dealing with all of these, like what the fuck is going on moments and why do I love running now? And 21 year old me would have been like, you never liked to run. Like you weren't even an athlete and

Why do I have a mustache? Because like a month ago I didn't and why am I going on less dates? Why am I going on more dates? Like whatever all these things that go through your head, whatever it is, whatever it may be, I think we all have those feelings and thoughts. We just don't talk about them. Especially guys. Like I've never seen another guy on social media express that same type of sentiment that I bring on here or that I think about and feel.

And hearing that made me feel better. So I hope that that's what this is for you. And I hope that it continues to be all and it has been in it. It will be. And I'm to pull up her talking about it because I don't want to butcher her idea, but I'm going to deconstruct it and like explain why I think it can be applied to literally everything, especially this time in our 20s. So here's Emma Greed talking about it on the Mel Robbins podcast. I've kind of trained myself around this rule of thirds that I have in my head.

has really, really, really helped me. So the rule of thirds is something that I remember hearing this when I was a bit younger, and it's like I almost lived by it. So if you are doing something difficult, if you're chasing a dream, if you are on the road to whatever it is, you are going to be happy about a third of the time. And the other third of the time, you are going to be like, know, life is kind of all right. And the final third of the time, you're going to feel terrible now.

Josh Felgoise (08:59.242)

point is that we shouldn't feel good all the time, right? It's just part of how we're conditioned right now to imagine that life is this Instagram reel of wonderfulness, and that ain't the truth. So if you can learn to accept, do you know what? On those really bad days when you feel really crappy, you're like, that's okay. In fact, I'm exactly where I need to be because I'm gonna have those days.

and I'm gonna have some of the middling days and then I'm gonna have these great days. And so if you go off track, that's all right, because you have to know that you can come back. And when you're on fire, you also better be real humble, because you're gonna know that those stinky times are coming too. So it's a really lovely way to keep yourself in balance. Life happens in chapters. And so as a young person, all you need to say to yourself is, I am willing to work and I'm willing to accept the direction of travel. And it will be...

going forward some of the time and it will be standing on a spot some of the time and it will be going backwards some of the other time and all of it is fine. I mean...

I think that can be applied to literally everything, especially this time in our lives. And again, she's talking about in terms of business, how like you have to push yourself, you have to push yourself out of the box. You have to put yourself in this difficult position. I think we're already in that weird, uncomfortable, unique, singular time. Everybody is experiencing it so differently. So it is inherently difficult. It is inherently uncomfortable. It is inherently unique.

and going to be hard. And I think that's why that applies so perfectly to this time is because whether you like it or not, this time in our lives is difficult and it is hard and it is uncomfortable. It's unenjoyable at times because you don't know what's going on. You don't know what's going to be in a month or a year. You don't know what's going to be with your relationships, with where your friends go, with your job.

Josh Felgoise (11:04.652)

with where you're living, with your state of happiness, with your state of confidence, with how you're feeling about yourself, your body image, your everything. Like this is, it's just such a weird time. And I think if you categorize it into those three things, it makes this all so much easier. And I started doing this like a week ago. Like I started applying this to a couple of my days. Cause like yesterday I had a kind of a crappy day where I was like, I, I'm just feeling weird about a lot. Like I was also really hung over it. I think that doesn't help.

Like I think that just hurts but I was feeling really hungover and then I was just thinking about a lot of things and I started over thinking about a of things and like I was thinking about the fact that I was thinking about a lot of things and I was getting myself into that really like annoying feedback loop that one of my favorite authors of this book the subtle art of not giving a fuck Mark Manson talks about this feedback loop from hell and I think that you can so easily bring yourself down a path where you're just thinking about all of the things you're thinking about and

kind of drive yourself a little crazy or drive yourself to a point where you get like worse emotions because of how much you're thinking about it. and I had one of those days yesterday and I think that's totally okay because that was one of those crappy days because I'm in a transition period. I'm in like a different period than I was a month ago or two months ago or a year ago. And that is okay. That is what this is. That's part of

are twenties that's part of the post-grad life. And I think like the first most important thing in those days is like admitting it and being like, I'm having one of those days and it's a crappy day and categorizing it into it's a crappy, it's a shitty day. I never say crappy, I guess I'm just following cause she said it. It's a shitty day. Like I'm going, I'm going to have shitty days and it's okay to have shitty days because I'm dealing with not dealing with, but I'm going through a time that

is uncomfortable, is weird, is different than I've had to experience before, that I'm having to move through differently than before because it's differently. I'm having to, it's because it's different. I'm having to learn how to navigate it differently. I'm having to learn how to navigate it in general. Like that's okay to feel weird. It's okay to feel shitty and categorize it into that bucket. Now that could be a day. That could be two days. That could be a week. Like

Josh Felgoise (13:27.544)

That's okay. Like it's just that crappy, that shitty, keep saying crappy, that shitty time. And today I'm so happy. Like I feel really great. I woke up like, know why? I think it's because I, in my head categorized yesterday as like, this isn't forever. Like it's just, you're, you're talking to yourself a lot and you just have to get out of your head a little bit more. And I talked it out and I talked it over.

and categorized it and I was like, okay. And then I woke up today feeling really good and really confident and really happy and happy to be where I am and happy to be where my feet are and excited about a meeting I had and excited about what I was gonna talk to you about today and excited about my plans this week and this weekend and today is one of those really great days. And tomorrow could be an okay day where...

I'm not this super happy guy and I'm also not feeling in my feels about life and everything. And that's okay. That's the other category. Like you can't always be in that happy place and you can't always be in that sad place. And there's going to be times that it's okay to be in that middle ground, in that middle period where things are good. Things are okay. Like you're moving through it. You're figuring it out and it's good. Like

Sometimes when you say, I'm good, like you actually mean I'm good or I'm okay. And you mean I'm okay. Like there's this push for people to say, like when someone asks, like, how are you, how you're feeling, there's this push for you to be like, I'm, I'm good. Like I'm doing really good. How are you? And sometimes when people say like, I'm okay, like that's the honest truth of it. And that's okay. Like you're allowed to feel okay. And we are like wired and conditioned to think that everything is supposed to be good.

And when things aren't good and where things are like a little out of whack or off kilter or out of line that like either we're doing something wrong, we're doing something incorrectly, like why does everybody else have this better together than we do? What's up with that? Why are we doing this? So wrong type mentality. When in fact, like it's not always supposed to be perfect and okay and great and amazing and

Josh Felgoise (15:45.794)

fantastic and all the other synonyms of that word. Like it's just, it's not always supposed to feel like it's working and to be able to understand that those times are going to happen too. And that's okay. Is really important during this time in our lives. And I also believe you can't have one without the other. Like there are two sides to this coin. You can't have

the happiness and the confidence and the excitement without having the shittiness and the feeling down and feeling lost. Like you just can't have that without this. And that's important to recognize. And in the middle of that is that third thing where you're neither happy nor sad. Like you're just good. You're OK. And I think if you apply this to your days to

your transition periods to the unique situation that you're going through. And while I'm applying this to your twenties overall and in general, like I'm making a huge generalization of your twenties. This can also be applied to singular situations, your job, your relationships, your confidence, your career as a whole.

your living situation, your mental health. Like I think it can be applied, your body image. Like I think it can be applied to everything that you have, everything you think about, everything you hold, like all of it. Like at your job, there are going to be some days and weeks where you feel completely lost, whether it's in terms of you don't know what the fuck you're doing, because like you literally don't know what you're doing.

Or you feel like this isn't the right career path and you feel like you don't want to be doing this. You're down the wrong path. This isn't what you want to do. You're feeling like this isn't driving you or making you feel successful or excited and you didn't envision this for your life and you don't know how to get out of that or how to transition to something new. Like it can be applied to that. It can be applied to relationships with your girlfriend, with your friends, with your family, with anybody.

Josh Felgoise (18:01.57)

That there's going to be days or weeks or times where everything's really great. And there's going to be times where things aren't as great. Maybe you're not seeing people as much as you wanted to be seeing them, or you're busy and you can't make time for the people or you're trying to, but you, it's just not working out and you feel like you're that relationship is distancing, but it's just the sign of the times at the moment. Like it's just what's going on in your life. And some, sometimes like

Life is more open for that and you have more time to be social and you have more time for everybody and you can balance girlfriend and friendships and everything really easily. And there are times where you just can't and it can be applied to, think you kind of get the point of what I'm trying to say. And I think there's a lot of talk right now about like success and finding your purpose and finding

your way to the top and climbing the ladder and feeling confident and I'm talking about some of that in here honestly but this is more about your everyday thoughts and feelings around what you're going through and what you're dealing with what you're navigating that some days are going to feel normal some days are going to feel okay and good some days are going to be so great and exciting and happy and thrilling and

things are great and you're doing so much and this is working out and you talk to this person after this person, you were so happy. You got to do everything you wanted to do and more in the day. You were so productive. You got everything done. You everything off of your list and like things are so good and there are gonna be days where you are like nothing feels like it's going right. I don't know what I'm doing, why I'm doing. I feel like I'm lost. feel like nervous about this. I feel anxious. I feel everything that I don't want to be feeling. I don't know how to get out of that either. And

I think this is a way out of that, to me at least, and I'm not a licensed therapist as you know, but I think this is a way out of that because it worked for me and I think it would work for somebody else. Knowing that you're not going to be stuck in that place forever and it's normal to feel that way makes it easier and makes it more conquerable. I talked about this earlier in the episode that getting out of your head is so important for me.

Josh Felgoise (20:22.156)

And I say, you're talking about me, like getting out of my head is so important for me. So I can only imagine that it would also be important for you to get out of your own head, getting out of your head and into your body, getting out of your head and into your hands, like getting out of your head and into your life is so important because the conversation we have up here can be so loud, whether it's a good loud or a bad loud, it can be so loud.

And it's so funny to remember that like we control that conversation because sometimes it can feel like you so cannot like sometimes it can feel like you are literally not holding the remote and somebody else is holding the remote and clicking like louder, louder, louder, louder, louder, volume up, volume up, volume up, volume up. And you can't turn the TV off or change the channel or turn the volume down. And those are the days I'm talking about that you can categorize into that. It's a shitty day.

It's a shitty week. Like it's a shitty time right now. And the days where it feels like you are watching Disney channel or Nickelodeon and like you're so happy watching what you want to be watching. Drake and Josh, iCarly, Victorious, the hits. Like the stuff you want to be watching is, I don't know why I went to that. Like that's, that's my happy place. The stuff you want to be watching is on TV.

It's on the right channel in your head and things are going smoothly. Like you feel like things are going right. The correct channels on that can't happen without the loud noisy. I don't know. What's the channel people don't like? the, I don't know. What's a good like example. Like, uh, I don't know. Like the news, like the noise, the news is annoying. Like, um, I don't know, but like the Disney channel days and the Nickelodeon days can't happen without the news days. Like

You just have both of those days and one can't happen without the other. I feel like that's actually a good example of what I'm trying to say. I think maybe I articulated this. Okay. Cause this is all kind of in my head. Like I had this idea for, I wanted to talk about that guy's Tik Tok, and McGreed's video. and I saw this other video I want to show you too. Kiki Palmer was on Kai Sinat's Mafia-thon. I'm so chronically online and,

Josh Felgoise (22:38.89)

She gave really good advice and I wanted to share that with you as well.

Josh Felgoise (22:50.286)

It's not. But the great thing about it is, as quickly as good times go, so do bad times. So it's all kind of cyclical. So wherever you're at in your life, whatever phase you're in, just know that the tides are going to keep turning, the waves are going to keep washing. And if any of us are lucky enough to just have one friend, one person that we know we can call, get mad with, laugh with, then I would consider us blessed. So I just hope the best for all of y'all. I hope the love of your life.

inside yourself, across the board, and hopefully we can get some more money moving around, because you know it's really tired out here in America. need to get it together, but just know...

Josh Felgoise (23:37.934)

really like what she said in that. Like I really appreciate what she said and I think it kind of echoes what I've been trying to say, hopefully been saying this entire episode that you can't really have the good without the bad. And there are two sides to every coin. And I started this by showing you the video from the guy's TikTok where he was talking about feeling really lost, like feeling like none of this makes any sense. And...

The reason I wanted to bring that on here is because I have said that in my own way a couple of times before. And I, it doesn't mean it's like solved for me, you know, like it doesn't mean I can come on here be like, no, I figured it out. my, feel great now. Like everything feels like it's in order and I've got everything figured out and I'm solved. And like, I feel like I'm on a great path and a great trajectory. There are some days where I totally do today is one of those days, to be honest with you. Like I really do yesterday. I did not. And.

I wanted to bring that guy on here because I think it's important to hear from somebody else that they're also going through all of that. And I think it's important to bring on other perspectives from people like Emma Greed, like Kiki Palmer, like other people, other people that influence me that I hear from that inspire me that reinvigorate my ideas and my like spirit around all of this, because I think

Those days that you have where I say there are the shitty days and they're gonna pass and it's okay, like those days are hard. And I think it's okay to acknowledge that. I think it's important to talk to a friend when you're going through all that stuff and just be like, hey, I am feeling this way right now. Like have you ever felt this way before? That's something that guys don't do. I'm really bad at it too. Like I say guys as this like generalization of like, we don't do this and.

That's true. Like that's kind of what guys that is set on, like that's like the founding stone. The founding father of guys said, is that like guys don't talk about their shit. Guys don't talk about their problems. Guys don't feel comfortable talking about their stuff. that's like literally the founding father of this whole thing. And I am right in that category. Like I am not, I'm not preaching to a choir without being in the choir. Does that make any sense? I'm, I'm right in there. Like I don't talk about this stuff.

Josh Felgoise (25:58.08)

Of course I do on here. Like I'm, I'm really good about. Yeah. I think, I hope getting my feelings together, getting my thought, my thought together and trying to create like a cohesive episode around all of this, because I think it's so important and it's something that I would want to hear. And it's something that I wanted to hear. And seeing that guy's video, I was like, that is what I want to hear. So I felt in a way like what I was doing is accomplishing that. And then I also realized like, I don't really do that in my own life that much. Like I don't.

go to a friend and be like, hey, like, I feel weird about this or I feel off about this. Like, I don't know if you ever felt that same way. And I guarantee they're gonna be like, yeah, I felt that way yesterday. Like I did it recently for the recent, not for the first time, I did it recently with a friend I was talking to, where I was like, how are you feeling about all this? And they were like, yeah, like it's weird. And I was like, yeah, it is. And I was like, now I feel better knowing that you also feel that way too. I hope that something in this episode will resonate with you.

whether it's the rule of threes, whether it's something that that guy said or that Kiki Palmer said, or that I said, like I'm happy to be in a category with those people, even though I've never heard of that guy and I don't know him and I hope he doesn't reach out and like sue me for this. I probably should have reached out and asked him to use it, but I didn't. Well, we'll see. He's never gonna find this. And if he does, we'll cross the bridge when we get there. I hope something from this episode resonates with you or...

That hearing me talk about the days I have that are good. don't, by the way, I didn't mean to like brag about that. I'm feeling really great today. Like if you're not feeling great today, that just know that that was me yesterday. And I think it does flip flop like that sometimes. Like I taught, said day, week times, instead of saying like months, cause that feels like really daunting to say months of times like this or times that are good or bad. Like that's just kind of a lot. And if you're in one of those times, if you're in one of those weeks, like

I was right there with you yesterday and I will probably be right there with you sometime soon again. And like this too shall pass and like this time will not stay forever. And you will get to that other side of the coin or that third kind of compartment where you feel good and you feel great and you feel excited and you feel happy and you feel like things are going well for you. And you will also get to that part where you feel okay and normal and like

Josh Felgoise (28:19.63)

impassable and it's just all like a normal part of the experience that Everybody in their 20s is going through just not talking about That is the episode thank you so much listen to guys that a guy's guide to what should be talked about I'm Josh I'm 25 years old and I'm here every single week every single Tuesday to talk about what should be talked about for guys in their 20s

If you liked this episode, really hope you did. Please like, subscribe, give this podcast five stars. Let me review that's one, two, three, four, five stars, not four, not three, two, one, five, so things like that. I really, really appreciate that. If you have anything you want me to talk about that should be talked about for guys in their twenties or anything else, head over to guyset.com, G-U-Y-S-E-T.com. And there's an ask me anything form right there. You can click.

Right there. can submit something completely anonymous. can put your name, whatever you want. You can also DM me on Instagram, TikTok at the guy set T H E G U I S E T and you can watch this full episode on YouTube at guys set G U I S E T. Thank you so much for listening to guys set a guy's guide to what should be talked about. And I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.