Is There Such a Thing as Being Behind in Life?

Today's episode came directly from, that sounded like an ad read, it's not, today's episode came directly from a question I heard recently. Is there such a thing as being behind in life? Can you actually be behind? Is that really a thing? And I'm sure this is a feeling that we have all had.

whether that be in the past day, in the past week, in the past year, or really any time after college, even in college, but I think this really is more for post-college life, feeling behind in comparison to the people around you when you're looking at what people are doing, what everybody else is doing, and it's not just a thought, but it's also really a feeling.

And it's a mindset that's really hard to break out of once you're in it. Like once comparison creeps in, it really takes a very strong hold on you and it kind of grips onto you and it's hard to let go of because it doesn't want to let go. And as hard as you want to push it away, it stays there. It kind of remains and it gives you this feeling that maybe you are behind and

Maybe people are doing better things than you or they're advancing more than you or faster than you or quicker than you or stronger than you and they're getting better positions or raises or moves or relationships and all of the things that we kind of latch onto when we feel like we are behind in life. And I'm here to say that I don't think there really is such a thing as behind.

And I think that's really hard to understand when you're in it, as we all are. Like, when you're living in it, I think it's hard to understand. There is no such thing as being behind. But if you zoomed out, like way, way out from all of this, and you were able to watch you from a telescope far, far away, and land far, far away, like Shrek voice, you'd probably be able to see that you're doing very similar things to everybody else.

Like, on a day like today, you woke up maybe a little bit later than you wanted to because you went to bed later than you wanted to because you spent the night scrolling away on your phone. And then when you look at your phone, you think about how much time just went by and you're like, holy fucking shit, how is it 1 47 and I have just spent two hours, three hours on my phone. Like,

mindlessly scrolling, looking at random shit, like maybe some of it was actually really enjoyable or maybe I watched something that I really enjoyed, but like, now I went to bed like way too late and I have to get up in six and a half hours and I know I'm not going to get enough sleep and I'm going be exhausted for work and I'm going to snooze the alarm like six times in the morning and I'm not going to feel like I woke up well and I'm going to feel exhausted in the morning and then you're going to go pee and you're going to brush your teeth and you're going to look at your phone again because that's what we all do and you're going to put your clothes on, you're going to head to work and

That's probably a very similar existence to what everybody else is existing in or living in like as in like in the weeds as that sounds. That's probably a day that we've all had in the past week or in the past month. Like that's probably like a night to morning routine that we've all had. You brush your teeth, you pee, you shower, you sit around, you go on your phone, maybe you text some friends, maybe you watch something and then you go to bed and you wake up and you snooze your alarm and you

go brush your teeth and you pee and you do all the shit the same shit we all do and we go to work and then we have our work day and then we go home and like it's just it's a very similar existence to everybody else on a day-to-day basis and if you look at it that way we're all pretty much doing the same thing like some days we're definitely more on top of it than others and

Some days we're much more happier and we're more motivated and we're more excited and we're enthusiastic and we're looking forward to what we have going on and we're excited to what we have about what we have going on. And other days we're more so just following the motions and going along with it and doing what we do. We're following the routine we have and kind of like habitually living the way that we know how to live. And if you look at it this way, no one's really behind.

And no one's really ahead. We're all just kind of trying our best and we're all just following a routine that we've created, which again, looks better on some days when we put more effort into it and looks much worse on other days when we let that completely slip. And there are some days where you're fully on top of it and you wake up when your alarm goes off and you go to bed and you don't check your phone and you do the things you set out to do and you don't like

I don't know, waste away in the ways that we think we waste away. Now, with that said, some people are definitely doing things a little differently. I would be naive to say that we are all living the same existence. We are all following the same routine. No, that's definitely not true. I think a lot of the days have very similar structure. We all have 24 hours in a day. Nobody has more time than anybody else. That's

the one resource that nobody has more of and nobody can get more of is time. It's just how we use that time differently. So with that said, some people are doing things differently because some people have spent more time consistently doing the thing that they're doing and building towards something new or something greater or something bigger. And that's because they've spent more of their time doing that. And some people are starting something new. Some people are going through a change.

Some people have been in a job for a long time and some people have just left. Some people are starting something new and some people are still looking for what's next. What's different in all of these is the moment of change. And eventually that moment of change will subside and will become routine again and they will be set back on their path again. And the person who has just gone through some sort of big change

will eventually not look so different from the person who's been in a job for a long time, because that routine will kind of become their normal again. Some people are waking up next to a girlfriend, and some people are looking over at their pillow wishing there was somebody there, wondering when that time will come for them. Eventually, the person wanting a relationship will meet someone after putting themselves out there and going on dates, and their story won't look much different from the person who's been in a long-term relationship.

The only difference is the moment of change or the moment it starts. Soon, that person's story or your story won't look so different from the next person. Sure, you may have taken a different road or a different route to get there, route, route to get there, but you'll end up at the same or similar place at one time or another. The chapters are different lengths and the words may vary.

but the ending isn't so different. And this should give you a sense that like, you're not behind. Nobody is behind. It's just the moment of change or the moment we start to either figure it out or start to put it together or piece it together comes at a different time for each person. It may look like or feel like you're behind because of the current moment that you're in.

But your story isn't so different from the next guy. You're both maybe on Chapter 25, and his Chapter 25 might look so much more developed than yours and clearly written, sure. But that doesn't mean his Chapter 26 won't look like your Chapter 23, or your Chapter 27 won't look like his Chapter 24. Like, the best part about seeing somebody who's quote-unquote ahead of you

is getting to see where you can go or what you can do. They kind of show you the opportunities or show you the roads that you can take. They show you what's possible for you. They can open lanes or roads that you didn't know existed before. And they can lay the groundwork. And I think that's one of the biggest advantages of comparing yourself or feeling like you're behind. It's getting to see what you can do or what's

possible for you What I've learned so far is that there is no such thing as behind Because there's no one timeline to be following There's no charted course for any of us to follow You may feel like there is because society has written a story for what life is supposed to look like You're supposed to graduate college by 21 or 22

You're supposed to be on your second job by 26 or 27, and that could also mean a promotion or a raise or a new position. You're supposed to be a manager or director by 28 or 29. You're supposed to be married by 30 or 32. You're supposed to have kids by 32 or 34. You're supposed to have a house in the suburbs by 34 to 36, and then you're supposed to have your second kid along the way.

and you're supposed to buy a house? Like, what? When's that happening? This timeline that I just laid out for you that I think is like a pretty realistic current timeline of how people think about relationships and moving and houses and kids and all of that shit, not that it's shit, but like, you know what I mean. That timeline didn't look the same for our parents. They were all married by 23 or 25, and then they all had kids by 27 or 28.

So I don't know who invented this timeline or decided that it's what we're supposed to follow. And that's the point. Because who decided this and who's to decide what you're supposed to follow? Like, who made this all up and why is this the societal norm? Like, why is this what we're supposed to be doing? like, what if we don't? Like, what if we just didn't? Why is that a thing? There is no timeline for what you're supposed to do or follow.

There is a pressure for you to figure this all out and be on this timeline that somebody created. There is a pressure to have it all figured out right now or in the next couple years. And by figured out, I mean your relationships, your career, your progress, your upward trajectory, this timeline. What I talked about recently on this podcast is that I don't think anybody really knows what they're doing. I talked about this in a career I personally

career episode I did recently where I was kind of like what I've learned from being in the workforce is that nobody really knows what they're doing or what they want to be doing forever. And I also realized that in some seasons people have it more figured out than others. Some seasons just make more sense and others take more work and more effort for you to get through or for you to understand.

Some feel easy and some feel effortful and hard and treacherous and kinda like trudgery. That's not a word, I made it up. But how boring would it be if it was just always easy and you never had to understand how to overcome something or how to get through something or how to work through something. You would literally never grow. You would literally never change.

If it was always just solved for you and you never had to put any effort in or you were never curious or never wondering about what could be next or what my potential is, like, you would never change. You would never see the next step or what your full potential really is. And I think a lot of the time we compare our reality to what we think our reality should be. Like if you feel

behind or bored by your current circumstance and you don't feel excited because it feels monotonous. You do the same thing day in and day out and you wake up, maybe you go to the gym, maybe you go right to work and then you go back home, maybe go to the gym then, maybe you make dinner, maybe you order something, you watch TV, you go to bed and rinse repeat until Friday and then it's like TGIF thank fucking god it's Friday. Like

I don't think that's a bad thing because it's the reality for most people. And I think that even with all of these questions lingering and outstanding of like, am I behind? Am I doing this right? Is everybody else doing this better than me? Are they figuring it out faster than me? Like, you're not falling behind or running late because there is no behind or late. You're just figuring it out.

differently and at a different time than other people. You're just putting together the pieces of your puzzle differently than other people would. You're finding different solutions and different intricacies and different ways to make your puzzle and your picture make sense. Your puzzle should not look the same as the next guy's and that's where this problem comes in. That's where this feeling of behind comes in.

Because you look at the next guy's puzzle and you're like, why doesn't mine look like that? Like theirs looks so much more complete than mine. When in reality, like, yours isn't supposed to look complete right now. It's okay that theirs is. At 25, they might have a little bit more figured out, but that doesn't mean that their puzzle won't fall apart or break or deteriorate at 26 or 27. Like, and I'm not saying that to say like, prey on the downfall of the people. I'm not saying that at all. Like, I'm just saying.

There are different moments and different seasons and different times and different years in people's lives where it looks like a full picture, where it makes more sense when things start to come together. And there are times in your life when that happens too. You might be in one of those moments right now where you're like, I really like everything. Like everything feels really good. And that does not mean that's going to last forever, neither for the next guy or the next guy. And the person going through it right now and being like, I don't know what the fuck is going on. That doesn't mean they're going to be there forever either. Like

We're all in a different moment in our puzzle. I really like this puzzle reference. I'm going to keep going with it. We're all in a different in a different moment of our puzzle. Like some people are at piece one and piece two. Some people can't even figure out how to put those two together right now. And they're like, what the fuck do I do? Like, and they're throwing the puzzle against the wall, stepping on it, like throw it like being like, fuck this shit. Like, I don't even know how to start here. Some people are looking at this whole picture and they just have the outline.

They just have the border figured out. Some people start with the border. When you're making a puzzle, everybody starts in a different place. Some people have the middle figured out. Some people have just an edge. Some people start with the blue. Some people start with the yellow. Some people start with a different color and a different starting point, a different place and a different time and a different border, a different aesthetic and a different piece and a different picture. Not everybody starts the same way.

I think that's amazing reference for this whole thing. Like if you think about how you build a puzzle, maybe you've never done it before. And maybe you're like, I don't even know how I build a puzzle. That's because you have never done it before. Like that's because you're in that starting place. And some people may look at it be like, yeah, I know I would separate all these colors first, or I know I would try to create these pictures quickly. And look, some people would look at the box and look for an instruction manual and think about like, how can I use what I have and what's in front of me to inform the building of this thing? Like,

Everybody does it differently. Everybody does it differently, and that's the point. You're not falling behind or running late. You're just putting the pieces of your puzzle together differently than the next person would. There is no instruction or manual for how to do this. And that means you're going to make mistakes, and that means you're going to fall. But that doesn't mean you're falling behind.

That means you're also going to try and get back up again. And that means you're going to try again. The only thing you are in control of is your own mindset around where you are right now. And the cool thing is, is that you get to control your timeline. You get to control how you think about your timeline. Think about it this way or try and visualize this. Close your eyes or if you're driving, do not don't close. Nevermind. Just don't know and close your eyes. Don't keep your eyes open.

You're walking on a tightrope next to everybody else's tightrope, okay? There are moments when you look around at everybody on their tightropes and some people are way ahead of you. And then you look back and others seem way behind you. Some people are running forward and some people are walking slowly trying not to fall. Some people are far, far, far ahead and some people are way behind. Some people have fallen off.

Some people have stopped. Some people may be running. Some people are exhausted. Some people are walking really slowly. You may have stopped. You may be running. You may be exhausted. You may be walking really slowly or quickly. You may have fallen off. Or you may be way behind. The only thing you are in control of

is if you decide to get back on, if you decide to start walking again, the only thing that matters is that you decided to keep walking ahead. There will be moments when you're looking back and thinking of where you used to be on that tightrope. And there'll be moments when you look back and think, look how far I've come. How proud that past version would be of where you are right now on that tightrope.

The only thing that matters is that you keep looking ahead. It is your responsibility to regain focus on your own tightrope and realize that the reason that all of these tightropes look so different from one another is there is no singular tightrope. There is no singular timeline in which you are supposed to follow or you should follow. Everybody is on their own.

The only reason you feel that way, that you're behind, is because you think that what everybody else is doing is what you're supposed to be doing, for one reason or another. Maybe it's the impression that was given to you by your parents or your grandparents or your siblings or your friends or your coworkers or the people around you in your life. It is your responsibility to let go of the expectations

that have been placed upon you or you have placed upon yourself. Because the truth is there is no behind. There are only different chapters and different moments of change and different seasons and different timelines. You're not falling behind and you're not running late. There is no behind and there is no late. I love this tightrope visual.

Is Asian that I created that I made up like I just thought of this when I was creating this idea for the episode because I was like That is how it feels sometimes when you feel behind when I feel behind I think about the people that I compare myself to or the people that I look up to the people that I think how did they get there and how do I get there and Then I think about the moments in their lives where they are probably doing that same thing or they were doing that same thing

and the moments where they slipped or they fell off or they started walking much slower or they completely stopped and they stopped believing in themselves and they stopped thinking about themselves as good and confident and strong and capable and I think about everybody else that's also behind looking at me thinking how did he get there? Like how did he create that mindset? How did he get that confident? And I think we all can do that. Like I think

I'm not saying that to think about how much better you are than the last person or the next person. Not at all. I'm saying that to think we never think about the side of the people behind us. We never think about the people looking at us being like, Whoa, how did that happen? Why? Why? How did they get there? And I, why can't I? And I think that is a good motivation to be like, I can set an example for somebody else by keep

By continuing, by keep going-ing. And I think that's a motivation in itself to keep going and think about that someone might be looking up to you, whether that's a sibling or a friend or someone in your atmosphere or in your aura, like somebody that may look at you and think, I'm watching them. I'm looking at them to borrow their confidence or borrow their mindset or borrow whatever they do. And we never think about that.

So to answer the question, is there such a thing as behind in life? No, there's no such thing as behind. There are different moments when you feel like you figured it out. There are different times when you feel more successful or more confident or better about yourself. There are different seasons and there are different reasons for all. All right. Okay. There are different seasons and there are different times that you will feel that way.

That doesn't guarantee you'll always feel that way. And that doesn't mean you'll never feel that way either. When you feel that way again, when you feel like you are behind or you lose that confidence or you stop believing in yourself or you kind of falter on your belief of yourself, think about that tightrope visualization. Think about everybody lined up in those tightropes and think there is no behind. There's no one timeline. We're all doing things differently.

Think about the puzzle reference. Think about how everybody builds their puzzle differently. How everybody starts differently and how everybody finishes differently. Some people leave the puzzle on the table for weeks, for months. Some people put it in the box and never finish it. Some people complete it in the span of three days. There is no one way to do it right. There is no behind.

I hope this helped you and I hope that you can think about either of those two things next time you feel behind. That is the episode. Thank you so much. Listen to Guy's Set, a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh. I'm 25 years old and I'm here every single week, every single Tuesday to talk about what should be talked about for guys. If you liked this episode, I really hope you did. Please like, subscribe, give this podcast five stars and leave a review. That's one, two, three, four, five stars, not four, not three, not two, not one. It's five stars. Thank you so much for doing that. I really, really, really appreciate that.

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