Why Do I Struggle To Talk About My Feelings?

Josh Felgoise (00:00.398)

Welcome to Guy's Set, the guy's guide to what you should be talking about. I'm Josh, I'm 23 years old, and I'm here to find all the tips, advice, and recommendations for guys in their 20s. Let's get into it.

Josh Felgoise (00:17.775)

Hi guys, how doing? Welcome back to Guy's Guide to What Should Be Talked About. So this is the eighth episode of the podcast, which means we are about two months into this thing. And I feel like I've proven to myself that I'm committing to this. And if you're still here, I'm so happy that you're listening still. And if you're new here, even better, or not better, but great as well. Welcome to the show. I'm Josh and I'm your host.

And every week I feel like I've gotten better at this. I hope I hope you think so. I at least think so. My editing I feel like has at least gotten cleaner. And I've kind of committed to myself that this is really going to be a thing and I'm going to really do this. So I invested in myself and I got a new fancy ass microphone. I hope you can hear the sound quality difference because I spent a bag on this. So I really hope it sounds much cleaner and much different. This is the one that

Call Our Dad uses the one that Joe Rogan uses. This is the one that everybody uses. So I went for it and I spent a lot of money on it because I care about this. And if you don't invest in yourself, who's going to? And I really do believe that. So I decided to go for it. And yeah, so that's the first big update. I'm really excited about that. The second update, which is almost bigger, is that the day the podcast is dropping is now changing.

And have some reasons for that. It's going to be on Tuesdays. so I decided to do on Friday because I work from home on Friday. And at first when I dropped this, didn't realize I thought I had to be awake to click publish. So I wanted to be there to make sure everything was good. I didn't realize I could schedule podcasts. Fun fact, if you didn't know that you can, you can schedule your podcasts. So these usually drop around three to 5 a.m. is the time I read online to do that. So that's when they drop.

But I thought I had to be awake so I was like staying up Thursday nights till 3 to 4 a.m. The first couple weeks, which is so stupid I don't know why I thought that was a thing, but I did and Waiting to click upload I Learned obviously I've gotten smarter. Sorry if you think I'm an idiot well I think I'm an idiot so whatever but yeah, so I decided that Friday would be the best day to do this because I worked from home and if I was tired on Friday, that'd be fine, but

Josh Felgoise (02:41.295)

I realized that every Friday I was competing with not only a lot of other podcasts, I was also competing with New Music Friday, which if you don't know is when every single new artist drops the new song or new album. So last week, for example, I this podcast was competing with Travis Scott's new album, Post Malone. And I don't mean like competing with I just mean, you only have so much designated time to listen to stuff on Fridays. I also think that I find myself listening to podcasts mostly during the week, going to work or after work or

at work, grocery shopping, just doing things during the week. So now guys set will be released every week on Tuesdays. So I don't have to compete with Taylor Swift or Post Malone or Travis Scott anymore. But realistically, if you listen on Fridays, that changes nothing. You can still listen on Fridays, listen whenever the hell you want. Listen every day if you want, that's probably the best option. Just listen every day. Either way, Tuesday is the new official day for guys set. this one is obviously on a Friday.

if you're listening on a Friday if you're not it dropped on a Friday fun fact but the next one will be next Tuesday and then the Tuesday after Tuesday after forever into infinity. So now that we've gotten those two major updates out of the way let's get into the episode which is a topic that I think a lot of people when they see this title are going to be like like and kind of scurry away from it and and not want to

Listen to somebody talk about this. feel like it's a very overexposed topic and an overexposed. mean like it's, just so talked about now that people have started to get fatigued by it, but I believe it's actually not very talked about for guys. At least I think it's a topic that I haven't really breached with a lot of friends. I don't really bring this up with friends. I feel like it's very, very taboo for guys to speak on their mental health or how they're feeling or

going to therapy or journaling, which we'll get into, but all these things that are actually really good for you. I saw a really funny TikTok yesterday and it was this video of like a hundred guys screaming in this fountain in like Hawaii or something. And it was like this way to release anger in the top comment was like anything but therapy. And I thought that was just really funny because it's true because we will do anything to avoid

Josh Felgoise (05:02.137)

that scary word of like therapy and this podcast episode at least is not about therapy. I don't have enough of a background or knowledge to talk about that. Fun fact, I majored in psychology in college, but that does not give me a degree or platform to talk about therapy or that type of stuff. But I do think it gives me a little bit of a background into like how we think and how we feel. And that's what I was really interested in in school.

and I'm still always interested in that. That's never gonna go away. And this was an episode or a topic that I had always written down. It's been in my notes to talk about for, since I started this, since I thought of the idea last year to do this, but it's a topic that I don't really know how to bring up. Again, because like guys just don't talk about this stuff. I don't know the right way to go about this and

Something happened this week on Monday night that made me realize this topic is relevant. It is prevalent and it needs to be talked about specifically for guys because we're not talking about it. And also specifically for guys in their 20s, which is the target demographic of this podcast. And it's true. We will do anything to avoid the topic of therapy or mental health or depression or anxiety. It's just something we don't talk about on on Monday night. I got a ton of

social media alerts and news outlet alerts and I saw a bunch of posts and I got some texts from friends about this and this actor named Angus Cloud who if you don't know who that is he played Fez on Euphoria and if you don't know who that is it's one of the most popular shows one of the most popular characters on one of the most popular shows in I would say the recent decade on HBO

And he passed away at 25 years old. And when I saw that alert, was like, it just didn't process for me in my mind. It was just so shocking to see, that age, somebody that age passing away. That's I'm 23 years old. A lot of my friends are 24 years old. They're turning, they're turning 25 next year. It's, it's not an age that you're supposed to see somebody pass away at. It doesn't make sense to me. And it,

Josh Felgoise (07:25.297)

I don't think it's really still process for me. That's so crazy to me. There's an overwhelming feeling I get talking about this and I know from my personal experience that guys don't talk about this type of stuff. And that kind of goes back to what I was saying about the overexposed thing. Like it's such a topic that we just know like, mental health. that's a thing. But we don't even know how to like really talk about that topic or no ways to

help ourselves or things we can do in our daily life to like just get to know ourselves better or, or kind of understand our like inner thoughts and feelings better. And this is a really heavy topic. And it's as I'm saying, like as I'm talking about it right now, it's so hard to talk about it. I'm kind of like beating around the bush of it because it is uncomfortable. It is hard to talk about. It's not easy.

It's not an easy topic. So not only is it something that just guys don't talk about their feelings, that's not manly, that's not cool. Why would I share what I'm thinking or share my feelings? That's never what I was raised on or that's not how I was taught. Why would I start doing that now? Sorry for the little Barbie monologue, but it's true. So not only is it that, but it's also just like fucking hard to bring up and share your feelings. like, it's just, it's, it's.

cringy or uncomfortable or weird or makes you feel weird. so it's layered. It's all these fucking things that, that, that leads a lot of these thoughts and feelings that people get staying with you and, remaining in your own head. And that's where the problem like this happens, where people don't talk about what's going on or talk about what's bothering them or if they're feeling depressed or anxious or upset and they bottle it up and they leave it in and

then shit like this happens. The term mental health has almost become like stigmatized in our generation as not a good thing because it's been brought up so much. It's just all over social media. It's almost shoved down our throats. It almost seems like everybody is depressed or anxious or there's almost like an over sharing of it that it's become hard to I don't know how to really say this.

Josh Felgoise (09:43.931)

But there's become such like an oversharing of it that it's almost hard for you to share your own feelings because it's like, well everybody deals with that. It's obviously like, I mean, you don't like, of course you do it. Everybody in our generation has that. That's, that's just like a thing now. We all have that and it becomes a thing where it's like, well if everyone has that, then it's not really a problem. And let me just like not talk about it and let me, and it just like, it almost reversed what was supposed to happen. We, we like, we like brought it almost to

too far forward to the forefront and now it's become that people almost feel like sharing their experience isn't important because everybody deals with that type of thing or their problems aren't real problems because everybody has that problem. So it almost like diminishes the shit you're going through because it feels like everybody is also going through that. I hope I made that point clear that it's not the problem of

people sharing their experiences. That's great. We need always more of that. It's the fact that you can feel like your experience or your situation doesn't matter because there's also so much else of that out there, which isn't the case and that's not how you should feel. Now, we're not gonna get into why guys or men feel like they can't share their feelings. That is such a bigger issue that isn't the point of this episode.

but it's taboo for guys to talk about this type of stuff. It just is. There are so many resources of women talking about this stuff. There's so many podcasts, there's so many influencers, creators online sharing experiences, but there's not guys talking about this stuff. And it's so fucking important for us to be doing that because if somebody shares their experience with mental health or with depression or with anxiety,

Online or if there's a celebrity talking about this and bringing it to the forefront or if there's just a friend or somebody You know talking about this stuff It allows you to feel comfortable talking about this stuff It it brings you to feel comfortable talking about this stuff It suddenly makes it not a taboo topic that guys and mental health just are like water and vinegar That's not a thing. We deal with this stuff, too. We just simply aren't talking about it and

Josh Felgoise (12:05.557)

I am here to do that and bring it back to the forefront for us because it is like, just look at this example. He was 25. It is so upsetting to me that it had to come to this for him and it should be, and I hate that I use the word example. It should be used as a kind of like breaking point for us to realize that this is an issue for guys. This

is relevant for us and this needs to come back as something that we feel comfortable being open about and it has to go away from being a taboo topic because it's not, it's real. It's very fucking real. I am gonna work really hard at finding somebody and bringing somebody on or bringing multiple people on that can talk more about mental health because I don't have...

enough of the background to give amazing resources or give all the options of things to do when or when or if you're depressed or anxious or any of those things that fall under the category of mental health. But I the point of me doing this right now is to acknowledge that guys and mental health don't go together in the same sentence, but they need to.

I think I have given my point home. have definitely been repetitive. That is also something I'm working on in this podcast. But this feels like a really important thing to repeat and say louder for the people in the back of the room because we need to be talking about this. Like, fuck, dude, this is such a good reminder. I use the word example before, but it's the incorrect word. It's such a good reminder that we need to take care of ourselves.

Don't go through the shit that you're going through on your own. Don't do it. You don't need to. There's so many people out there that want to help you. There's so many friends or found members or other resources that are there for you. So if you're feeling something, that's good. Feel that thing. Because if you're not and you ignore it and push it back down, it's going to come back later and much stronger and much worse. You simply can't ignore the things.

Josh Felgoise (14:30.707)

that are bothering you or sitting wrong with you or hurting you or making you anxious or making you depressed or making you upset, you can't push them down. That's not how it works. They don't go away. So many people deal with the stuff they're dealing with or the things they're going through without talking about it. And it's so much harder to deal with the things you're going through.

When you're not talking about them, when you're going through them alone in your head and you're letting them seep in and sit with you and nobody outside of you knows what's going on unless you share it. And I'm not saying you need to scream every issue or everything that you have from the rooftop, not at all. But I am saying if there's something going on, acknowledging it or sharing it or talking about it or writing it down, which we'll get into later, stay for that.

will help you. Now, I'm gonna be real with you. I don't think that this podcast and these past 15 minutes are gonna lead you to be like, you know what? That kid Josh on that podcast guy set, that really changed my life and that really changed everything. And now I'm gonna share my emotions with my friends and now that's gonna be a conversation topic that I'm just comfortable bringing up and that's just something that I can now do.

No, I don't think that's gonna happen if it does amazing I that would be a great outcome, but realistically I don't think that's gonna be the takeaway for everybody Because it's not that easy. It's just not that simple so a Thing that I do because again I'm not sharing this as if this is like the easiest thing for me in the world either I don't talk about my emotions Openly and freely with my family and my friends like I'm saying that we should

This is a reminder for all of us. I hope that I can change my ways a little bit more and start saying things that are bothering me or things that I'm thinking or are leading me to be anxious or upset or depressed or any of that stuff. I think it's a reminder for all of us. This is not me sitting on a soapbox telling you to do this. That's not the goal of this. This is like a joint effort here for all of us to start doing this more. So

Josh Felgoise (16:50.715)

Something I've started doing this year. It was actually my New Year's resolution to start doing this It's always been something that just fucking say it. It's journaling. That's not like it's not like some huge revelation But it's another topic that's taboo for guys this word journaling has such a negative connotation that it's like a Diary that you keep all your secrets in like no, I don't have a diary. Okay, maybe I guess I guess I kind of do okay

And it what up fuck off. Yeah, I guess I do. Okay, actually I have to because the the pages I've written a lot and it's become a part of my nighttime routine and I want to tell you how I do it and why I do it because I think it is it's a not a solution, but it's it's something that has really helped me to develop my thoughts and I genuinely believe getting things down on paper and writing things down.

really helps bring them out. I think when I put pen to paper and I'm not saying a notes app, I'm saying really getting a notebook and getting a pen and writing. And I'm going to give you how to start and how I do it. And when I have nothing to say and the whole process, but it has really changed my life. I promise you that I've been doing it since January, January, January, March, April, May, June, July. Now it's August. So it's been over half a year of doing this consistently, not every day.

There's days I forget, there's days where I do it at night before I go to bed. It's become like, I like wash my face, brush my teeth. Then I journal for like, I'll give you my routine, but I journal for five to 10 minutes. And then I go to bed, that's kind of, or like I watch TV, read a book after, but that's what I've been doing and that's what's working for me. So the nights where I'm going out with friends, I'm not coming back home and journaling. And there's nights where I forget or there's nights that I'm too tired, but

I really really make an effort to make it happen at some point during the day to just write some stuff down. So I started journaling or people calling it writing or nighttime pages or whatever you want to call it that makes you feel more comfortable. I started journaling because I was starting to just get so overwhelmed with what was going on in my life. I

Josh Felgoise (19:17.129)

had recently moved to a new city, I had recently started dating, I started a new job. There was just like a lot of things starting in my life and I had a lot of thoughts in my head and I was just getting overwhelmed and getting anxious. So I thought this would be a good outlet to get my thoughts out. What I did, and I'm gonna pull out my first page. Hold on one second. So this was from, let's find.

January 1st, 2023. What I did was I wrote, I write what I do every day. And this has just become part of my routine is I write the dates. I wrote January 1st, 2023. And I wrote the time this happened to be at 1 22 a.m. And I started how I start every day is I write today the word today T O D A Y with a little colon, I underline it. And that's how I start because I need a prompt to write personally.

And that to me is like, else is there to write about beside your day? That's how I'll get my thoughts out. that really works for me. So I highly recommend doing that. So I wrote today. And the other prompts I use, I use the word today, I use the word grateful, and I use tomorrow. So I'll usually separate a page into three sections with one today, two grateful, three tomorrow. In today, I will write like,

a little paragraph, a couple sentences about the day in gratefuls. I'll usually number it one, two, three, or one, two, and just say one to three things I'm grateful for from that day. Maybe it's a phone call with your mom or maybe something went well at work or you ate a good lunch. It doesn't have to be in something amazing and something that's so intense. Something you're grateful for. You had, you were, you got up today and you weren't that tired this morning. Something doesn't have to be

transcendent. And then for tomorrow, I like to write two to three goals or things I want to accomplish tomorrow. And it's super important when doing this to put zero pressure on yourself. If you see the word today, and nothing comes up, that's totally fine. You I always can think of something that happened. So like, I'll write like work was great, or today was shitty, or I'll write a little bit about why or something that happened.

Josh Felgoise (21:46.133)

I can usually think of something I'm grateful for. I don't put pressure on it, but if I can't, I can't. And for tomorrow, if I have a goal, it's great. If I don't, no pressure. It's like a, it's a really like free exercise that when you take all that pressure off from this big word of journaling, it becomes just a nice way to get your thoughts out and kind of organize everything that's going on in your head. And I'm going to read it to you.

I haven't read this back since I wrote it. I never read these back. I, yeah, let's fucking do it. So I said, I wrote the entire day or I spent the entire day hanging out with friends, ate some of the best brunch I've had at Thai diner, this restaurant in New York, the French toast and egg sandwich, come on. We watched football, ate sushi, played, I ate a lot of food that day, played code names, genuinely the chillest and best recovery day, but also epic way to start the new year with just friends and good vibes.

Happy 2023, let's make it a memorable trip around the sun. Well, I cannot believe I just shared that and that I'm gonna be putting that out there. But I am doing that because I hope this inspires somebody else to give writing their thoughts down a shot. It has worked for me tremendously and I've gotten to a point or a place where I can actually.

sit down or write like three to five pages about what I'm thinking. Sometimes I'll write just like one page of the exact same thing I just said, or I'll literally just write today and write some gibberish about what happened today and get it out there. And some days I will go on for a really long time. But it started with this or these couple prompts that really helped me. I highly recommend starting this way.

Or starting with three prompts that work for you and going from there and just not judging anything you write. I said this before, but it's just so important not to like put pressure on these things. If you have nothing, fine. That's great. At least you gave it a shot. I struggled so much in the beginning, starting with this. like felt like kind of torture to make time to write things about my day.

Josh Felgoise (24:00.313)

And although I waste tons of time throughout the day doing other random shit, it felt so hard to set aside five minutes just to like be with myself in silence and just write. So if you're at that period or if you start and get to that period, just know I was 100 % there with you for like all of January. But as I kept doing it, I started to feel

less overwhelmed and less anxious about the things I was writing about and it started to like work and have an effect on me and the times that I was like I don't have time for that I heard this saying that it said replace I don't have time with it doesn't matter to me or it's not important to me and see how that sits with you and that always kind of came to mind when there were the moments where like I don't have to I don't have five minutes to write

at night, I need to go to bed, but like I would still get in bed and watch TikTok for like 55 minutes. There was just like all those moments where it didn't feel like I had time and I kind of just pushed through and made it a part of my night and it has just become such an important ritual for me that has led me to feel so much less anxiety and so much less overwhelmed as I said. Now that I read you the today part of the

the journal entry, might as well just redo the rest of it. So my gratefuls were one, my friends, and I wrote some friends names next to it. Two, I wrote grateful to be in New York. And I wrote the reason this for me that today that was access and sheer amount of things to do and things I still want to do. And for three, I wrote my family and I wrote some people to check in on. And then the third section says tomorrow with a colon and underline. And I wrote one clean room and apartment to get gym membership. And three,

write down the things I want to accomplish this year and write down the books I want to read in 2023. So that that's it. That was the whole journal entry. It probably took me less than five minutes to do. And that was the start for me. Now, last night, I just want to show you kind of like or share the journey that there are like the place I've gotten to in writing. This does not happen overnight. There are so many nights where I just like had nothing to say.

Josh Felgoise (26:21.715)

But just getting something on the page creates that consistency of this is part of my routine, this is something I can do and have at my disposal as a way to, going back to what I was talking about at the beginning, as a way to get the things that are in my head and that I'm feeling and thinking but I'm not talking about with people because as guys, it's not something we do or it's something we may not feel comfortable about or feel weird about.

It's a way to get that stuff out of your head and get it somewhere, put it somewhere, have it on a page, make it real and go from there. It's a really good start. So if there's things that you're thinking about or things that making you anxious, overwhelmed, depressed, upset, writing it down, seeing it, making it real and...

Getting real with yourself and just being honest with yourself as I said is such a good start to to all of this to All of this mental health talk and I think having those three prompts is a really helpful start So where I'm at today was I was just saying last night I wrote July 31st at 12 46 a.m. And I'm gonna share it because why the hell not so I wrote I'm going to bed again too late But I did get my room cleaned

I I'm right about cleaning a lot. All clothes folded and put away, cleaned up my dresser and desk for the most part, started messaging this girl on Hinge again, fell off that for a while. I feel like it's a really good way to open myself up to new opportunity. I shot a 1.36 in bowling tonight, was a really fun time with everybody. Really excited about this new mic, this new mic that I'm talking to you from right now.

I know it cost a boat, but I think it was well worth it. As I said, I'm obviously thinking about it. sitting in my head. All right. I'm tired as fuck again. Hopeful for new possibilities. August. What do you got? Excited to see what I do this month. Gonna make it a good one. 12 54 a.m. I always timestamp. So I start with like, I put the date up at Monday, July 31st, 12 46. And I ended it with 12 54 a.m. Wow. I just kind of like pull my fucking pants down to you guys and share what I'm writing and my thoughts. But

Josh Felgoise (28:42.897)

I feel like that really didn't share that much. And the point of that is to tell you that not every night is going to be a revelation or I'm going to learn something about myself or really get deep with myself. But for me, putting that pen to the paper, even in that moment where I wrote like hopeful for new possibilities, August, what do you got? Like that got me really excited about the new month for me writing about me putting away my clothes and getting stuff cleaned.

It was something I was thinking about all weekend that my room was a mess and it was just bothering me. And I guess I have a little bit of OCD where I really want to just clean up and I don't, I'm, I'm very messy. but it bothers me and I don't really do anything about it. So obviously that's sitting in my head and I'm, happy I got it done. So that, that comes out on the page. And that to me is one of the best things I've done for myself this year. It has cleared my mind so much.

I genuinely feel so much less overwhelmed than I did at the start of the year and less anxious about things because I have an outlet for it. If something's bothering me that day, I'll write about it. If something's sitting in my head or has made me feel anxious or upset, I'll put it in the page. Nobody sees this. Nobody needs to see this. I don't even need to read it back. Just getting it out and putting it somewhere clears it for me.

and allow it allows me to see it. And for me, I'm a very visual person. So allowing me to see it, it allows me to organize all that mess up there. It allows me to think more clearly and see what's going on in my head more clearly. And it makes it validated and it makes it a real feeling that I have that that I've shared and it's in the open. It's out there. It's not sitting with me and buried down. So if you're someone that

struggles with sharing your thoughts or feelings or emotions or not struggles with but just doesn't want to and that's not something you like to do this is such a good outlet I could not recommend it more if you took nothing away from the past seven episodes I've done try this I couldn't recommend it more it I said earlier but I'm just saying it again because it's true it has changed my life it has changed the way I think it's changed

Josh Felgoise (31:09.951)

the way I feel, I don't feel as I said, overwhelmed. I can't stress it enough. Try it. If you're in that boat of not wanting to share things or not comfortable with that, write it, put it down in paper, go on Amazon. I'll link it in the description below. The notebook I bought from Amazon was like $10 max and it...

is it works great. I use a Bic Velocity Pen but you can use any pen I just like the way that one writes. But definitely give this a shot. I know this was a intense topic. I hope I did it justice. Also use this as a reminder to check in on your friends, check in on your family, ask them how they are. If they ask you how you are, answer honestly. You don't always have to say good. You can also say this day was shitty and

I'm actually not great today or I'm just okay. And tell the people that you love that you love them. Use this as your reminder. This is certainly a topic that needs to be talked about more for guys in their 20s. So I will do my best to keep talking about this one and bringing on guests that can add a lot more value to this topic. Let me know if there are topics in this area or as I always say topics in general.

that you want me to touch on or talk about to my email josh at guyset.com j-o-s-h at guiset.com and I'll be sure to talk about it. If you liked this podcast, I really hope you did, please give it five stars and leave a review and send any questions, topics, things you want me to talk about or things that just should be talked about to my email josh at guyset.com josh at guiset.com.

and I'll be sure to talk about it. You guys wanna hear something also like really super cool. You can also follow GuySet on TikTok and Instagram at the GuySet, T-H-E-G-U-I-S-E-T. And you can also check out the website, guyset.com, G-U-I-S-E-T.com for so much more content. shit, sorry. I think I forgot to say to leave this podcast five stars and our positive review. And for the first time, see you next Tuesday. Let's fucking go.