What 23 Taught Me

Josh Felgoise (00:00.206)

Welcome to Guy's Set, the guy's guide to what you should be talking about. I'm Josh, I'm 23 years old, and I'm here to find all the tips, advice, and recommendations for guys in their 20s. Let's get into it.

Josh Felgoise (00:17.902)

Hi guys, welcome back to guyset, the guys guide to what should be talked about. This week is the 23rd episode of the podcast of guyset, which is crazy, really exciting to think about and just wild that I've been doing this for a few months now. Every week I put out an episode so you can listen to all of them, but this is the 23rd episode and I'm 23 years old. So I wanted this one to be special and I was going to do an episode on 23 things I've learned at the age of 23.

But while I definitely do know 23 things, I think that sounds kind of long and boring. So instead I'm doing three things I've learned at the age of 23 because I feel like that's more manageable. And I would actually listen to that instead of 23 things because I can definitely think of them. Whatever. OK, we're not doing that. We're doing the three things. That's where we're at. Well, I can keep going on about that. I should have done 23. It's three now. It's three because it's better than two. And that's the second half of the age. And this is the podcast for guys in their 20s. So 23 it is. And that's my age. OK, so.

three things I've learned while in my twenties or at the age of 23. So the first one is, let me pull up my notes. I promise I do know some things. Okay. The first one is, and I made this, made this up. I don't think it sounds right, but rejection is a wheel turn instead of a red light. And I was trying to think of like a, reference to a car or something else, but you know, like

Does that make sense? that make any sense? Okay. Doesn't matter because I'm going to, I'll explain it to you. So I, I've started to look at rejection as like a turn of the wheel instead of like a halt of the brake of the brake. That's way better than a red light. So rejection is a wheel turn instead of a brake. so, and like a break in a car, not like a break in a relationship. So they, the first thing I want to say about this one is that I look at, or I looked at rejection previously as like a really bad thing.

as I'm sure many of you guys do or anybody listening to this thinks of it as rejection sucks and it's never going to get easier. But the way you think about the aftermath or the after effect of that rejection can easily change. So let me explain further. So when I say easily change, I mean, you can actually easily reframe that in your mind. So instead of being like, fuck, I got rejected from this thing that I really wanted, maybe.

Josh Felgoise (02:37.678)

You were actually not meant to do that and you were meant to do something else, which is it just how I've reframed this and I'll tell you a little story about about rejection and as a surprise as a shock to everybody. This actually is not about being rejected by a girl because I've talked about that a lot. And this is not that this is about being rejected by a job that I really, really, really desperately wanted last year or two years ago. So when I was graduating from Lehigh, so this was senior year or two years ago, I

Desperately wanted this one job. I really wanted to work in the entertainment industry and This job was like the pinnacle of the job that I wanted or had in my head as what would be perfect for me And I got to the second round interview and then the third round interview I actually did during the senior week of college when there was a day that everybody went to Hooters and I had to take this third interview because obviously I really wanted the jobs. This is this was way worth it

so I spent the entire day in Ocean City Maryland's public library in this like green room and I got there like 30 minutes before the interview I was prepping a bit and the person stood me up completely and I got a message like 30 minutes later being like hey I'm so sorry no I actually messaged a recruiter and was like hey like I haven't received any messages or anything but she's not on the call like it's just something come up and like two hours later I heard back that she

Something came up and she's now available. So I literally spent the entire day in the public library from like 11 to 1 30, just waiting to have the interview. And then I finally had it like 3 p.m. So while all my friends are at the Hooters having a great day, guys and girls, this isn't like a misogynistic thing. It was like an event scheduled. I don't know. We can get into that later. But on that day, I was I spent the whole day in the library just like pissed about this interview. And again, I really wanted the job. So it was worth it to me.

So that interview actually went so well once she got on and once I went through the process and after it, she's like, we'll be in touch. So that was probably a week or two before graduation. And I had another job lined up, which is my current job now. And I had pushed back their start date, like, or I had pushed back my response to them, like so many different times being like, look, like I'm speaking to this other company as well. I'm kind of waiting for their response. And it got to a point where

Josh Felgoise (04:59.682)

they, the company I'm currently at was like, we can no longer wait for your response. Like you have like one week left. So I pushed back to the other company, the one I got rejected from and was like, Hey, like I really, really need to know response. And they were like, we're still going through some candidates. You're still a really great candidate, but like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So the day after graduation or the day of graduation, it was actually my birthday. I was driving home for a family dinner and I was going to come back to Lehigh to party.

I checked my email, I was in the car, don't text and drive, don't drink and drive either, but don't text and drive. I was at a red light and I saw that I got an email from them and it was like a, it was a rejection email. And I kind of took it as maybe I pushed them too hard to give me a response. And I was so devastated. I was so upset that I got rejected. I really, really, really thought I had it in the bag. The interviews went so well.

I was connecting with the recruiters well, was connecting with the people on the team well. It was just like a very devastating moment for me and I can clearly remember sitting in that car and I like literally teared up. It's so embarrassing to say that, but I took this to heart. I was so upset. And I put on a happy face for the family dinner. I went back to Lehigh and like just tried to forget about it all, but like it was always in the back of my head that I was just really, really, really like really depressed about this.

and I put so much effort and so much of my energy into that interview and that process that it, like, it felt like a reflection of me, that rejection. And it's not right. It's not at all. Like the fact that I took it so much to heart and was so upset about it was more of like a, as I said, reflection of me, but it was more of like a, like, damn, like I have to do some work on myself that the fact that I was rejected by this company, this massive like media conglomerate that

I don't mean anything to, and if I worked for them, I wouldn't have meant anything to them either. But the fact that I cared so much and threw myself into that so much was I was like, OK, let me take a step back and like reevaluate my what I value like is is getting accepted to a job that important to me that I'm going to be like upset about it for days. I so I took some time and like thought about it and kind of reframed this into OK.

Josh Felgoise (07:18.936)

The fact that I was rejected by them now made the decision easier to take the job I'm currently at and month into the job, I was like, this job is really great. I'm really happy in it. And if I hadn't been rejected by them, I could have ended up there. and it's easy to be like, you coulda, coulda, woulda, shoulda, like the decision to take that job would have been a lot.

Sorry, the decision between the two jobs would have been a lot harder had it not been rejected, obviously, because I'd have to choose where I didn't have to choose this time. But the fact that this path like steered me as I said, it's like a wheel turn steered me toward the one I'm currently on, I think led me to where I am today. Like, I don't know if I'd be able to start doing this if I was in that other job, or I don't know if I would have met or I wouldn't have met the people I currently met if I was in that other job. And there's a lot of silver linings in that rejection.

Again, it steered me to place I'm currently at now. My life would be pretty different had I taken that job. So if I could go back and say to that Josh in the car when I read that rejection letter, you can be upset, you can be angry, you can be frustrated, but you can't throw yourself and your value and your self worth into this rejection. You can be mad, you can be pissed like

You gave a lot of your time. You thought it was going well. It obviously wasn't or obviously didn't end up the way where you wanted it to. But if you're going to put your self worth into that acceptance of the rejection, like you're the problem there. It's not it's not anything else. So I took that as like a moment to to really reflect on myself and be like, I have to fix my values a bit because that that isn't that important in the in the long run. And it led me to where I am now. So I think I'm kind of beating that one to a dead or beating that

dead horse now, I don't know that expression. But if you can reframe rejection into a pivot or into it'll lead you to a different path that may be better or more prosperous or may set you up for better things. If you can reframe rejection into that, then you're gold. So that's the first thing that I think I've learned at this age is about reframing rejection.

Josh Felgoise (09:32.674)

The second thing I wanted to talk about or the second lesson I've learned is that comparison is the thief of joy. And Theodore Roosevelt first said this, I think I've said it on the podcast before, but I really, really do believe that to be true. And what dissecting that little quote down further, what, sorry for this hand. What I think that means is when you start comparing yourself to other people and their successes or

their positions or their place in life, who, what, that doesn't help you. It actually rather hurts you. So even further, what I mean by that is if somebody is ahead of you in their career, their, or at least on paper or on Instagram, they look like they're doing much better than you. have a new job that they're, seem happy and they have a girlfriend they seem happy in. They're living in a place that they seem happy in. Like, again, I say seem because you never really know anybody, but

if you compare yourself to that person, like, the fact that you're not there or you want to be there and you're not another thing of, of like, as I said, talked about dating or people having girlfriends, friends, going a lot of dates, people having more sex than you. it's, it's all very easy to compare to other people. And that will just like steal your happiness because what does that do for you in the longterm or in even the short term, comparing the fact that somebody else is going on more hinge dates than you comparing the fact that.

That person is having more sex than you. They are having more fun, it seems like they're, I think I've said that like eight times. So what I mean by that is stop comparing yourself to other people because it doesn't help you. And I wish I told myself that way earlier. That was a problem I had like freshman year where I was like, damn, like that person has such an amazing friend group and they have a girlfriend. Like how do they balance that? That's not feasible for me and how are they doing it?

Even now I think of some friends I'm like, they just like ran a marathon or they seem really happy in their job and they just got a promotion and a raise and like, I haven't gotten a promotion or a raise. Like what the fuck is that about? How are they doing that much better than me? And we're the same age and like, it's just very easy to go down that rabbit hole and that like, it's called like the Mark Manson who wrote the subtle art of not giving a fuck calls it the feedback loop from hell. And it's the fact of like,

Josh Felgoise (11:55.374)

I'm thinking about how know what I'm about something. And then you go back and you're like, fuck, I'm a know what I'm thinking about how how I'm thinking about that. And you're like, I wish I could stop thinking about how much I'm thinking about that thing I'm thinking about. Like, it's it's a rotating like wheel of hell that you'd have to get yourself off of. overall, just there's no need and there's no reason to compare yourself to other people. That is so much easier said than done. And I will still do it all the time. I'm trying to be better about it. And it's something that I've learned now at 23 that I really

I'm working on and when I notice myself doing it and I'm like, damn, like that. And this is just a recent thing. I've already said it three times, but like, I'm like, that guy goes on a lot of dates and my hinge is not that great. And I haven't gone on a date in a long time. Um, how is he doing that? That much better than me about that? Like when I start doing that and I notice I'm doing it, I'll stop myself and be like, what good does that do for you? If you really want to start doing that, then you have to be more active on hinge or you have to ask a friend to set you up or there's other ways to do that. But if that's what's really bugging you, like

it's more of a reflection on you than on them and stop comparing yourself to that person. I'm kind of telling myself that right now as I say it because I'm thinking about it right now. But it's very easy to fall down that and it's easier said than done to be like stop comparing yourself to that person. But it's more about when you notice that you're doing that to kind of halt yourself. Think about why you're upset or why you're comparing yourself to that person.

and think about the things in your day or in your life that you can change then and there instead of thinking about how they're doing better than you. If you're upset that somebody else got a promotion and you haven't, maybe that's the time to be like, well, what could I do differently in my job that will get me a promotion? If you're upset that they're, as I said earlier, going on more dates, what can you do in your life to start going on more dates? If you're upset that they're more fit than you, what can you do in your life to get to where they're at? Can you...

start eating better, can you start exercising more, instead of being like, damn, I really wish I could look like that. And it's so cool that they do and like, God, like how did they get there? You can get there too. There's no reason to compare to that person and it only makes you feel worse about yourself. So what can you do in your life to get you to that place that you want to be at? Okay, so that's the second one is that comparison is a thief of joy and it's kind of like a theme of reframing all these things. So reframing that.

Josh Felgoise (14:15.576)

comparison into what can you do in your life to get to that level. And then the third thing is it's not that deep, which basically means it's not that big of a deal. And this is something I wish I learned earlier in my life, especially like freshman year of college, when my roommate would always say this to me and be like, it's not that deep, which meant like, it's not that big of a deal. Like let's not make it this new huge thing. Maybe it's just something that like happened and we can let go of and move on from.

Whenever he said that to me freshman year, it always pissed me off. Shut up Bradley, who is one of my really good friends now. it would always piss me off because I'd be like, well, who are you to tell me that it's not that it's not important. It's my issue or it's something that I'm annoyed about. Like, why are you invalidating that? Where in fact, it definitely just simply wasn't that deep and I was making it a bigger deal than it was. so I think this one is more about learning to step back from something and realize when it's not worth it.

when it's not worth making an argument of something that maybe just isn't that important, which I've gotten a lot better about in the past year or so. there's, specifically with roommate stuff, if there's something that is not cleaned, instead of being, or like, say somebody doesn't take the trash out and I'm annoyed about it, instead of being so overly annoyed about it and making it a big problem and a big situation between the roommates, take out the fucking trash. If it's annoying.

say something the next time, but just do it and get it done and don't make a big stink over it. It's something that I've gotten a lot better about and it's something I've had to learn to figure out. But there are some things that just aren't that deep and it's so much easier to just be like, okay, I can actually handle this myself. Let me just let this go and if it becomes a persistent problem, then we can talk about it. But realize when it's worth it and when it's not is kind of what this one means.

fully credit Bradley with that one because I wish I had learned that earlier. And when I say these are things I've learned at 23, I know what they are and I'm constantly working on them. These are things that I will always be working on because it's so much easier said than done for everything I've said to not compare yourself to other people, to not be so upset in the face of rejection and actually reframe it into a good thing to know when to take a step back and say it's not that big of a deal.

Josh Felgoise (16:41.354)

I can handle this or not make a big fight over it. These are things I will constantly be working on and I will always be improving on. But there things that I'm happy that I now am in a place in my life that I recognize as important to my values and my person. Like they're integral to me because I have made mistakes with all of them in the past. With the rejection one, I was way too hard on myself and I know that and I'm

I know now that I need to work. I learned that I need to work on that. And it's something that I've continued to work on with the was everyone. I just said it and I'm saying it again and I'm repeating myself, which is really annoying, but I'm, I tend to do this and I'm going to stop after, right after this one. Okay. With the comparing myself, I do it all the time and I'm getting better about it. And I'm recognizing when I'm doing it and trying to fix it, but I'm still going to do it. And that's, it's something that I'm, working on. then for the last one of

Not getting so annoyed at little things like I'm working on it. I'm not perfect and I will still be annoyed by little things but it's more about recognizing the things in your life that are triggering or triggering you or the things you can work on which I think is really cool. So that's what I've learned at the age of 23. The three things I've learned at 23 and I'd love to hear some stuff that you've learned. So send me an email with the things that you've learned or the things that you would love to share with me or like to share with me and I will include them.

Next week's episode is the highly anticipated second guys set toolkit episode. And if you're like, Josh, what's guys set toolkit? Like it's a good thing I'm here to tell you. So guys set toolkit is basically an ask me anything where you guys will send in questions and I will answer them quickly and not expertly, but just however I can. And, basically, yeah, you can send in questions to my Instagram or Tik TOK DMS at the guys set T H E G U Y S E T.

Or you can email me to my email, joshjosh at guyset.com, josh at guyset.com. And basically the episode is literally just me going through the questions that you guys send. and I will give you my answers to the questions. and the point of it is to talk about the, the literal questions that guys have for being in their twenties. So to talk about what should be talked about for guys in their twenties, which is the whole tagline and the whole point of this show. but yeah, it was a really great first episode of it. People really seem to like it. And I feel like I found my voice on it.

Josh Felgoise (19:03.194)

And I will continue to do them hopefully every month or so. but this is the second one next week. So please send in your questions and I will answer them. And now for the outro, if you liked this episode, I really hope you did please subscribe or follow on wherever you listen to this, whether it's Spotify, Apple podcasts, or wherever else you're listening to this. please leave five stars and a review and a comment and send in any questions or comments you have to my email, josh at guyset.com or to my DMS.

The guy set on Instagram or tik-tok and I will answer them Don't forget to send in your questions for next week's episode because I really want to answer them and it was really fun last time and I hope it's just as fun this time Thank you for listening and I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys