The Dating Questions Guys Are Afraid To Ask Out Loud

Welcome back to another dear guyset session where I answer the questions that guys are asking. Whether that's questions, situations, situationships, relationships, anything you want advice on and I answer them to the best of my abilities. As always, this is just advice. I may say answer sometimes, I may call it an answer, but it's really just one guy's perspective.

one guy's opinion, one guy's thoughts on the situation, which I think is always helpful to have and know that there is somebody else who has either been there before, is there right now alongside you, or will be there soon for the most part. For the most part, I've experienced a lot of the stuff that I'm talking about. I'm in it currently or I will shortly and I have a thought or an opinion or a piece of advice on...

the question because I've either lived it or am currently living it. And I think that's like the best part of this podcast. One of my favorite parts of the podcast is getting to talk to you at face level and like talk to you like a friend would because I think there's not a lot of that for guys and that really is the whole purpose of this podcast. I always say that these are some of my favorite episodes to do when I get questions from you guys or I answer questions that guys are asking or talking about.

and share them broadly with you on here. And if anything, this is like, here's how I've done it before, or here's how I would do it. Here's how I'd look at it. Here's how I'd think about it personally. And I hope you can use that advice to inform whatever it is that you're going through or asking about or dealing with. And it's at least here. It's at least helpful to hear it like talked out or talked through.

And I think this segment is particularly important because guys don't really talk about their shit. That's kind of the basis of this whole podcast and the purpose of this. I hope it either inspires you to try and do that more or becomes an outlet like that for you where you're like, okay, like, okay, he's experienced that before or he's talking about that right now. And I think that's cool. And I think that's why these are some of the most popular episodes I do too.

And I also think that if one guy or one person is asking this question or looking for advice on this topic, then there is most likely somebody else who is also looking for advice or has that question too. At least one other person, probably millions. So let's get into it. And this is the question that I said I would answer first on the last Dear Guy said episode. So here we are. The first question of this episode is

How do you handle farting in your relationship? I love this question because everybody handles farting in the relationships in their own unique way. This is the question that Guy said is built on. This is the important stuff because where else do you find an answer to this type of question? That's not Guy said. That's what I'm here for. To talk about farting in relationships. Personally, I have experienced farting in relationships in a

a couple different ways. I have been the type of person that will go into the bathroom, turn on the sink, turn on the shower, turn on the fan, if there's a fan, get all three of those sounds going and then... and then let it rip. Like, I will try and cover it up with... I'll do like a cough, like... I'll try to cover it up as best I can. And at the end of the day, it's not going to cover it up. Like, a fart's loud.

or at least mine, is that TMI? Like, farts are loud, we all fart. Like, farts are loud and it's hard to cover it up. So if it makes you more comfortable, especially in the early stages of your relationship, to cover up the fact that you're gonna go take a big fat shit or cover up the fact that you have to fart, then by all means, do whatever it takes to make you feel more comfortable. Like, it is an awkward situation to have to breach, especially around a girl you really like and you're attracted to and you want her to be attracted to you and she probably is.

And you're afraid that when you fart and like let out all that gross stuff about us humans and let that side of you show that she'll be less attracted or she'll be like, which probably will be because like guys are gross farting's gross. Like it's who we are. It's what we do. So if it makes you more comfortable to go to the bathroom and turn on the sink, turn on the shower, do like a fake cough or flush while you fart flush the toilet. Like there's a lot of sounds you can

You can add to this situation a symphony if you will a cacophony of sounds big word. That's the big word of the month cacophony. I think that's I think that is a word. So that's my recommendation. That's that's what I would do early on. Like if you have to go poop and you're at a girl's place I recommend turning on the sink turning and maybe not the showers. I was like why is he showering and then he's like he's not showering. Also you're in the bathroom for an elongated period of time if you're going to poop like she knows you're going poop also.

Spoiler alert she poops too spoiler alert. She also has to fart like they do it too I think they fart a lot less than us to be honest so and they're like more discreet about it. They're like little like whereas ours like This is just like this is the perfect way to start this episode this is how I just aren't every episode I should just talk about farting and pooping. so yeah, I would handle farting in your relationship, especially in the early stages

Whatever makes you most comfortable. If you're comfortable just letting it rip early on, then by all means, like maybe you shouldn't like lift your leg up and be like, like here's here's that babe. Like, no, maybe, maybe you should be a little more discreet early on and try and be a little discretionary with your farts. Maybe, maybe like go to another room, maybe go to the bathroom, maybe close the door, maybe be like, Hey, like I'll be right back. Go to the other room, the living room. If you're not, if you're, have another space and try and be a little

a little more discreet. And then of course, as your relationship progresses, as you get to know the person more and more, you're going to let it rip. at least it totally depends on you and your comfort level and your comfortability. Like I can't tell you how to fart. I can't tell you how to be comfortable with farting in relationships. I'm assuming because you're writing this in that you're not so comfortable with farting. So you're probably like me. I'm not. I was never a good public pooper growing up. So

If you're like that then there's there are methods there are methodologies there are ways to my madness of all the bathroom Situation the whole bathroom situation that I just described to you like I think you can go in there turn on all the shit Release let it rip and then come back. Hey, how's your day? Hey, you look pretty nothing just happened I also think you can make a joke of it I think the one of the best ways to handle super awkward situations and relationships

Is to make a joke of it. So like after you go poop and you obviously just poop because you were gone for 15, 35 minutes. I'm just kidding. But like you've you were gone for a time longer than a pee. It's not a secret that you just went poop. You just had a big meal of Chipotle or Mexican food or something like you got to take a shit and also taking a shit will then make you less gassy, make you less farty. like, yeah, that's just a, I don't know where I'm going with that. so then you could come back out from the bathroom and be like,

I didn't just poop or like something like that like that was a long pee and like make a joke of it because like that maybe she'll laugh and then maybe she'll feel more comfortable going poop like everybody has to poop we all have to poop we all have to fart also the longer you wait the worse it gets like the longer you make it a thing in your relationship that you don't fart in front of each other or like we don't do that we're not the type of couple that farts like everybody has to fart so like the longer you hold out of

pooping in front of each other and farting in front of each other, like the worse it gets. And the longer you don't talk about it, the more it becomes like the elephant in the room being like, address me. Like we both fart. Who's going to release first? You're like, just get to it when you feel like you're really comfortable with this person. And that is totally dependent upon where you are and you are in your relationship, who you are, how you feel in front of each other.

But like don't let so much time go by that you now like make it this big thing that you guys don't even talk about like we all do it. So the earlier you get to it, maybe not week one again, you're not like lifting your leg like turning around me like, Hey babe, watch like maybe you're a couple a month or so in a couple months in I don't know. I can't tell. I'm not going to give like a timeline or like how long it should be. I've been speaking about farts for now way too long. It's almost 10 minutes into the episode. So

Let it rip. The next question is, what does it mean if a girl liked my Instagram story? I think this plain and simply means that she wants to talk to you, that she is probably interested in you and like is interested in talking to you further. I think it's her way of like keeping the conversation open and saying like,

Hey, I'm available or I'm open to talking to you. I'm open to a conversation. It's like a very light way of flirting. live in a very weird time where an Instagram like not an Instagram like post like because you don't even see who's liking your posts for a lot of the time. Like an Instagram story like is an indirect way or even a direct way of flirting. Now, like that's a weird thing. That is like a weird code smoke signal to be like

I'm interested in you or like, hey, I'm throwing a ball up in the air. Like it is totally up to you to catch it or not. And yes, would it be so much easier if she just sent you a DM or a text and was just like, Hey, how are you? And like, you didn't have to like decode her message so much easier. Like life would be way easier if that, if that was the situation, but no, we live in a weird time now where like you're asking this question because you probably assume that it means something and

I've actually gotten this question a bunch of times because like it is like a weird like, does this mean something? Am I reaching? Am I overreacting? Am I like making something up out of thin air that doesn't exist here? No, you're not. Like this thing does exist. She actively went and liked your story to say like, Hey, how are you? Or, Hey, I'm interested. Hey, I'm open to a conversation. I'm open to talking. Like it is now up to you. If you want to respond, if you want to text me, if you want to continue the conversation.

And like, it's, really just think it's her way of saying the ball is now in your court. You can text me, you can respond if you want to. It's a smoke signal to say, Hey, I'm interested and I would talk to you. Like I'm, I'm open to this. And I even think like coming from you, like if you like somebody's Instagram story, put yourself in that mindset. If you're going to like an Instagram story, even if you're not directly being like, yeah, I'm flirting. Like you're indirectly saying something. You're indirectly being like,

I'm interested in this. want to say hi like and it's different if you're friends with somebody versus a girl or somebody that you're interested in or could potentially be interested in. So put yourself in those shoes like how well do you know this person if it's a friend if it's somebody that like maybe you know or have known for a long time like I don't know maybe wait for a couple more signals to come up or more.

things before you make a move or before you say something, because it could mean a couple different things. But I think for the most part, if it's somebody that you don't know that well, or there's like been some like sort of sexual tension or some sort of chemistry that it's probably an indirect way of flirting. It's her saying, I'm interested. Hey, like the ball's in your court. I mean, I'm open for a conversation. The next question is, she told me she's not ready for a relationship. Is that a cop out?

So at the end of the day, I don't think the reason she gives matters as much or the one you give for that matter, like if you decide to end something matters as much as the fact that she is ending it or the fact that you are ending it. Like I don't think it's so important to attach so much value to the reason she gives just the fact that she ended it.

There could be a million different reasons as to why she ended it and maybe her saying she's not ready is a lot easier for her than saying I'm not interested in you or like I'm I'm not like you don't have to go down that whole rabbit hole of Why and the reason for the ending? I think it is just the fact that she said that she's not interested in continuing and that's all right like

Yes, maybe it is a cop out. Maybe it's not. Maybe it is totally a her thing and she's getting out of a long term relationship or she hasn't dated in a long time or she's never been in relationship and she's not ready herself. Like there could be those things, but it could also be something else. And I don't think it matters as much if it's a cop out. It matters that she's deciding to end it. And that sucks. It absolutely sucks. Whenever somebody ends something, especially if you liked her,

especially if you thought it was going somewhere or could be more there's no way around the fact that it sucks but the reason she gives doesn't really matter unless it's something that like you can address or you should address and like something you did that she's actively saying like hey you did this thing I want to talk more about it like blah blah blah you know what I mean like unless there's a specific thing that she's saying if she's giving like a vague kind of I'm not ready to be in a relationship or

This or like if she's saying that it's something on her and she's taking the fall for this thing I think you let that be what it is you can then respond and be like I totally understand like I would love to continue this sometime down the road or if you're open to Like kind of opening this back up at some point down in the future like I'm more than willing like I really like hanging out with you like

I think you can totally keep the door open. You can keep the conversation open and the ball is now in her court. It's totally up to her what she does with this from here because she's the one backing out. She's the one saying that like I'm good for right now or I'm ending this for now or I'm ending this in general. So on you now I think you can say like I'm I'd be willing to continue this sometime soon if you are more ready at some point like and who knows who knows like she could totally text you in six months or in.

a year and be like, Hey, how's it going? And if you're then willing, and if you're still interested, then by all means, like reopen that up and like do whatever you feel is best for you. And if that message comes in six months, we're kind of like, I didn't like the way that she ended things. I didn't really get a concrete answer. I'm not so sure. You don't have to keep it going. You don't have to respect. You don't have to like make this a thing. That's totally up to you. But

Right now, she's saying that she's not ready, and I think you should respect that. I don't think you have to think so deeply as to all the reasons why she could have ended it or why she did. I don't think that that matters as much. It still sucks. Like there is no way around the fact that it sucks, but she's if she's kind of like being nice and trying to make the axe that comes down to chop off your head like a little nicer or a little slower.

then maybe take that for what it is. Like, the axe at the end of the day is still coming down to chop off your head and end this thing, no matter what it is. If it's been three dates or five weeks, like whatever it is, at the end of the day, your head is still left rolling on the floor. And like, you're still dealing with the aftermath of this thing. If you liked her, if you really liked this thing, if you're upset about it, disappointed in it, like.

you still are a head rolling on the floor because your head was chopped off. Like that's how a guillotine works. And it's just the way the guillotine comes down. It sucks. Anybody that gets, anybody that ends something on the other side, like it sucks being on the other side of that. And I'm speaking from personal experience. I think a lot of us, if not most of us have been in this situation. It fucking sucks. But if she's making it a little slower or a little less sharp, it's still coming down, but I wouldn't overthink

much more or spend so much more time or your headspace ruminating as to why it ended or why she wasn't interested or what you could have said differently or what you did wrong or all the different things that we can spend our time going over and over and over as to why it didn't work out. Was it something I said, something I texted, something I did, something I didn't do? Who knows? And at the end of the day, like it's not up to you to solve that and to figure out that puzzle.

She's most likely not the one and that is easier to then move on from and move forward from because at the end of the day, there's going to be something that's or someone that is better for you and someone that is more interested in you and it may take a little while for you to find that and that's something that you have to navigate on your own. Like at the end of the day, you still have to pick your head up off the floor because you have to deal with that and that.

It sucks. As I said, there's just no way around the fact that it sucks being broken up with or when the other person ends the thing. And the more you date or the more you go on dates, the more you understand about relationships and your own feelings. I think the better you get at that and the better you get at understanding rejection and understanding disappointment and not feeling like such a failure every time this stuff happens because you don't have to feel that way every time. Like it's it.

It's totally up to you how you pick your head up off the floor and go back about by putting your shoulders back and walking ahead and moving forward and moving on. but I don't think it matters if it's a cop out. It just matters that it's ending and I'm sorry that it's ending. I'm sorry that this thing came to an end. I'm, I'm, I just think that there's something better coming for you soon and somebody that is more interested in you out there. And I said earlier in this, like,

Josh Felgoise (18:37.792)

If she comes back and she's like, Hey, I'm now ready for relationship. Like if you didn't like the way this ended, you do not have to continue that. But if you really liked this person and believe that she wasn't ready and believe that now she is, maybe, know, you obviously know more than I know. I have seven, seven words to go off of here. Is it seven? Like whatever, whatever the question is, I don't have a lot to work with here. I don't know the whole backstory of all of this. So maybe you know that she's actually not ready.

and she just got to a long term relationship or she's never been in a relationship before or there's something going on in her life or her career or whatever it is. Like maybe you actually know more to this and you're like actually she isn't ready and maybe it's a cop out, maybe it's not. That's up to you to decide. It's a more nuanced situation than I'm obviously, than I have the context for. But I don't think it matters the reason, it matters more that it happened. And I'm sorry, that sucks. And I think you're gonna be totally fine.

give yourself like a day or two and pick yourself back up. That's how we all do it. Okay. The next question is kind of similar in a similar vein. How do I know if I'm ready for a relationship? You're most likely asking this question because you feel like you're not ready and that's coming from a place of potentially fear or anxiety.

that you're not going to measure up or be able to handle what comes with a relationship. And I think if you heard those words, you know that I have been here before because you're like, that is exactly the way I feel. Like he must have been here before and he knows something because he just put words to how I'm feeling. And that is because I've been here before. I've been here a couple times before. I actually did an entire episode on this.

I called it commitment phobe. I renamed it because everyone was like, what the fuck did that mean? So I called it something like, how do you know if you're ready to be in relationship? there are so many reasons as to why we all feel this way or reasons as to why you asked this question. But maybe it's because you've never done it before, or maybe it's because.

your last one didn't end up the way you hoped it would or maybe you're afraid that you're going to mess this up and you're going to take a good thing and make it more serious and then it's all going to explode and implode and it's all coming from a place of uncertainty of worry of fear of doubt and again I know this because I've been here before it is

Totally fair to be nervous about committing to a relationship or being afraid to commit to a relationship Because it's one of the most vulnerable things that anybody can do and one of the most vulnerable places that we can all put ourselves in and when I did that episode I kind of was like that was a super vulnerable episode to put out like that was probably one of the most vulnerable ones I've put out and I

When I did, was like, should I not have? And I listened back to it recently and I was like, I'm so thrilled that I did and that I put that out because I know at least one other guy is feeling that way. And this question proves it. And that means so many other guys are also feeling that way or have felt that way or are going to sometime soon. And I think it's completely normal to feel this way.

to feel the way that you're not ready because you're afraid that you're going to fuck this up, that you're going to mess this up. And here's the thing, you're never going to know until you try. You're never going to be able to actually see yourself in the situation until you actually put yourself in that situation, until you're actually in it. You have to try before you know you're going to fail.

And our minds and our brains always go to the negative. We go to the place of, well, what happens when this doesn't work out and I'm left heartbroken and a mess and I messed up this thing that was so good and I really loved and I was so excited about the potential of this and now what happens? And now I did all this and I fucked it all up and our brains go to that so much faster than they do the other side of what could potentially happen if this goes well.

What happens when this goes so well and it adds so much to my life and so much to my day and I understand my feelings more. I'm able to understand what it's like to actually be in a relationship, to care for somebody else the way that I care about myself, to care about somebody else even more than I care about myself, to uh...

experience something I've never experienced before to experience love in a way that it's only talked about in movies or in TV shows or I've watched on TV shows or in movies and I've never actually gotten myself because I'm afraid to try I'm afraid to mess it up I'm afraid to fuck it up I'm afraid of what's going to happen when I say yes to that when I open myself up to that really really vulnerable experience we always go to the negatives of what's going to go wrong what's going to happen

when it goes wrong and how I'm going to be left picking up the pieces of myself afterwards. And guys never talk about that side of it because it's embarrassing and it's weird and it makes you feel like a loser, makes you feel vulnerable and like it makes you feel weak. And those are the pieces or the parts that we never talk about. And even this feeling of, I ready to be in a relationship? Am I like, should I commit? How do I know if I'm ready? Those are super vulnerable feelings to have.

And I think if you're feeling that way, that's good. Like that means you're in a really good place because when you're feeling that way and you're feeling anxious or nervous or scared or fearful, that means you care. And that means that this thing that you have going for you right now is something pretty good probably. And it's something that people yearn for, people strive for, people aim for. People are going on dates all the time, trying to get to this place. So if you're in this place, that's a pretty great place to be.

And everything on the other side, everything you want is kind of on the other side of that, on the other side of fear or anxiety or all of these emotions that you're feeling right now. So it's really normal to feel this way. I felt this way before. I felt this way last year. Like it's a very normal thing to be in a place where you're anxious about the outcome or if you're going to be able to measure up or the expectations that are going to be placed upon you when you do end up in this relationship and

If you're going to be able to meet them, if you're able, if you're going to be able to, like add somebody else to your life that you already like right now and, how that's going to then affect everything else in your life, your career, your relationships, your life, your days, your weeks, like how that's going to fit into the entire puzzle of you, like how you're going be able to put this really important relationship and prioritize somebody else.

Especially if you've never done it before especially if it's your first time in a relationship That's all really scary about like how am I gonna be able to prioritize somebody else and and my life already feels really busy I'm art my days are already pretty jam-packed like it feels like I'm Waking up I'm either trying to go to the gym or I'm going right to work and then I leave work and then I maybe I go to the gym after if I didn't go to the morning and then I have to try and make dinner and then I have to call my mom or have to call my dad or I have to like talk to a friend or I'm gonna I want to watch a movie I watch TV like

How do I then fit a full-fledged, full-ass relationship into this? where does that fit in? And those anxieties are so normal, like, you might be listening to this right now and be like, wow, he fucking gets it. And I hope you do, and I hope that is like the reaction you're getting from what I'm saying right now, because I've been there before, and these are all real anxieties and real fears that I've had too. And that also means that there's a lot of other guys that feel this way. They just don't say it, and that's fine. That's not like, I'm not.

Not here to say that everyone needs to go out and say how they feel about everything. Like that's not the purpose of this either. The purpose is just to say that like it's normal to feel this way. I feel that I feel I've felt this way too. And there's at least one other guy who has felt this way or is feeling this way right now. So know that. And I want to go back to a line I said before of you have to try before you know you're going to fail. And once you try the odds of failing or messing up

are a lot lower because now that you're in the place or you're in the position, you can adjust from there and you can figure it out as you go. If you're not in it or you scare yourself out of it before you allow yourself to be in it, you rob yourself of that experience or that opportunity. Don't rob yourself of all of that, of all that growth, of all of that potential relationship. The worst that happens is it doesn't work out.

Josh Felgoise (27:38.976)

And if it doesn't work out, you're not just back to square one where you were before. Chances are, you're going to be a much more developed version of the previous version of yourself. With new experiences, with new understandings of relationships, of love, of feelings. Your own and somebody else's. So take the chance on yourself, because if you're already asking this question, chances are you're ready. You just don't feel like you are yet.

And if you don't have all of the tools right now, you're going to pick them up as you go and you're going to figure it out with the other person you're in a relationship with. Like you're not alone in this thing. That's what makes these relationships so cool. That's what makes relationships so cool. It's like you're not alone in this thing. And early on where you're at right now, it feels like you're completely on your own in this. So what I would recommend to you is have a conversation with the girl you're talking about or with the person you're you're talking about and

Say to them like, hey, I really like you. I really like this. I'm nervous. And be fucking honest. Like, just say how you feel. Be like, hey, I'm really nervous about this. I wanna take this to the next step. I don't know if I'm ready. I think I am. I don't know. And see what they have to say. Like, you're not alone in this thing. That's the best part about a relationship. You have somebody else. You have a counterpart there with you, figuring it out with you along the way. they'll wait.

wait and hear what she says like when you say that to her maybe she'll be like yeah I'm feeling that exact same way too like I really like you too and I want a date as well I don't know what the fuck I'm doing either and then you're you both have this like intense immense sigh of relief where you're both like huh okay we both have no idea what we're doing all right let's go let's dive in headfirst like let's jump in together both not knowing what we're gonna do and figure it out together along the way

And it's a very vulnerable thing to do, saying how you feel, sharing your feelings, getting into a relationship, falling in love. Because there is that chance that you're gonna get your heart broken and you're never gonna be able to get over this person, or you're scared of being hurt and all this other shit, and it's terrifying to get into relationship because of all of this. But if you're scared, it means you care. It means that something memorable is probably in front of you. See, the thing is...

is we all know the scary sides, that's where our brain goes to. We all know what's to lose. But when you say the expression of like, go for it, like what do you have to lose? We all know what's to lose. I just laid out all the fears and anxieties and some potential, I'm sure we could think of a hundred more together, but like I just laid out a bunch of those that come up when getting into a relationship. But what we don't know or think about is the other side of that, what there is to gain.

You don't know any of that. You don't know what there is to gain because you haven't experienced it yet. Potentially. It's normal to be scared, but don't hold yourself back. Don't let that hold you back. I think I got everything I wanted to say. I kind of jumped in a couple of different circles there, but take whatever piece of advice resonated with you most from that and know that you're not alone in it for a multitude of reasons. One being

you're with somebody else in this and also that so many other guys before you, currently and after you have all felt this way too. The next question is, my girlfriend never really plans dates. How do I ask her to plan more dates? Hmm. Okay, so I think this one you have to navigate in an interesting way. I think it really depends on your relationship.

Have you always been the one planning everything? Like, is it you every single time being like, hey, let's do this or like, hey, are you free Thursday? Is it, are you always the one planning or has she planned sometimes? Because if she's planning sometimes, that's a different scenario than never. If this is never, this is a little bit more of an interesting scenario. I think the answer to both of them are just saying something like, and you have to navigate this.

carefully because she could take offense and could be like, well, didn't, she could take offense. She could get defensive. She could feel like you're on the attack. So say it kindly, say this gently, something along the lines of like, Hey, I kind of feel like I'm always the one who plans the dates. And I know even me saying that you're like, Whoa, I don't know if I can do that to her. I just hear me out. And then we can rephrase say something along the lines of like,

I kind of feel like I'm the one who plans all the dates and I would love if you did or I would love if you let me know. Maybe it's that maybe it's like, Hey, I'd love to know what you want to know. I'd love to know more of what you want to do. Like are there any activities or any like restaurants you want to try? I think that's the, that's the better angle. Like are there any restaurants or places or things you want to try? Like I would love to plan that together. I love if like you let me know the things you want to do. Like I feel like I've planned the last couple, like maybe

Maybe you let me know what you want to do next. I'd love to do what you want to do. feel or maybe it's maybe you put it on yourself as like, I feel like we do a lot of what I love to do. And we do a lot of the things I'm, I'm really passionate about the things I want to do. Like I want to make sure we're getting all the things that you want to do. Like I want to make sure that we're doing the things you love. I want to do more of that too. So let, what are those things? And you open up that as a conversation instead of being like, Hey, like I feel like I'm the one who always plans. Like, can you plan? Maybe it's changing that and being like we

we do a lot of the things I want to do, what do you want to do? And opening that up as a conversation, letting her have the floor and framing it in a way of like, what are you interested in? I think that's a really good framing. I think that's a better, a much better way of, positioning this because I think communication is the most important thing in relationships. And if you don't tell somebody how you feel,

Chances are they can't read your mind. Chances are they have no idea that you're feeling that way and they're never gonna know you're feeling that way. And it doesn't have to come out in the way of like, I plan everything, why do you plan nothing? I feel like I do everything for this relationship, why do you do nothing? You like the person in relationship with, I'm assuming, I'm assuming you really like this person, you maybe probably love this person. You wanna say this in a nice way, but you also wanna make sure they understand how you're feeling because if they don't,

They can't read your mind. They're never gonna know that you want them to plan stuff or that like maybe they think you like planning Maybe they think that like maybe they like the fact that you plan. There's so many different things here so I think like gently and calmly saying something or opening up the conversation to be like I'd love for you to plan or I'd love To do some more things that you love or maybe next week Could you pick what we do? Like I I'd love when if you could pick a date and a time and something that we could do or a restaurant You want to try?

And that kind of gently opens the door for her to then be like, maybe I should plan more. Like maybe that should be something that I do. And like just opens that conversation up. Again, I think communication is the really is just like the number one thing in relationships. And if you don't tell them how you feel and you harbor that feeling, it just creates resentment. And this can be.

you can add this kind of sentiment to anything in your relationship. Because think about it this way, like if you're holding on to something that's bothering you, think about it like you're holding a hot molten lava filled rock. Every time you think about that thing and get more mad about it, you squeeze that thing tighter, you squeeze that rock tighter. And the only one getting burned in this scenario,

Is you. You are the only one holding the rock in your hand. They may not even know you have this rock in your hand. The only one continuing to feel the heat and the pain is you. Your hand is closed and you're in a fist squeezing like really tightly. The rock is just burning your hand. They don't know. They don't even know you're holding the rock and they don't know you're getting burned because how would they if you don't tell them? You just become angrier and more resentful of the person.

The more you feel hurt, the more pain you feel and they don't even know. Obviously, this is a much more dramatic way to say like, hey, babe, can you plan a couple dates? Like, I think I wanted to make that analogy because it relates to everything in relationships. And I took this in a much more dramatic way. I answered it lightly at first and I took my more dramatic route because I think one of the biggest things in relationships that causes most of the problems is just not communicating, not sharing how you feel.

not being like, hey, I would love for you to plan more dates. And I thought this question was a really good way to talk about communication and relationships as a broader topic, which I'm definitely going to talk about more in another episode coming very soon. because that's the most important thing in your romantic relationships, in your friendships, in your work relationships, in your family relationships, like in relationships in general, I think that analogy relates and can be applied to so many different situations that we all have.

If you don't communicate, if you don't say how you feel, what's bothering you, what's bugging you, what's pissing you off, what you want changed, what you wish they'd change, the things you wish they do differently. You're the only one holding that hot rock. You're the only one getting burned. They don't even know you're feeling that way unless you tell them this scenario is obviously a lot lighter. I think you can easily frame this in a way of just being. And if she's and if she doesn't catch your drift, if she doesn't catch the way you're saying, like, what do you want to do? Then I think you just have to kind of more clearly be like.

I would love if you planned more dates. I think that's fine. I think it's okay to say how you feel or what you're thinking. Like I took the lighter route at first because it's always nicer to do that. But if they don't catch that, then I think you should just be upfront and be honest to be like, I'd love for you to do this. Is that something you'd want to do? She'll be like, yeah, of course. Or she'll be like, I didn't even know you wanted me to do that. Like I'm happy to do that. Or let's let me plan something like I don't think you're like events. I don't think you have to like

navigate everybody else's feelings all the time. But like there are ways to say things nicer and in nicer ways that alleviate situations or make them less dramatic or less intense or less up here when they can just be at a normal level. But yeah, communication is just just key. Like saying how you feel is the most important thing in every relationship. And this next question will be the first question I answer in the next Dear Guy set session.

So I always like to end a Dear Guy set session by telling you what I'll answer first to keep you on your toes, get you excited for what's coming next. And this is a good one. This is a really good one. Okay. The first question I'll be answering next time is, my friends don't like my girlfriend and I don't see why and I feel like they should. What should I do? okay. I have a lot to say for this one. So I will see you next time. I have a lot.

of thoughts, opinions, and things I'm going to tell you next time. So come back. I'll, do it every, every like third. It's, I think it's the third week of the month. Yes. So come back. I mean, obviously come back. I'm here every Tuesday. So I'll see you every Tuesday and I have, and if it's pressing, if it's something that you want me to answer, I can also just like send you a DM, but this is a good one. This is an interesting scenario. if I keep talking about it, I'm going to just

spend another 15 minutes talking about it so I'm gonna end it here. As always send in your questions to guyset.com, G-U-I-S-E-T.com. There's an ask anything right there, it goes right to my email, it's anonymous completely. You can ask me whatever you want me to talk about and I will be sure to talk about it. That is the episode. Thank you so much for listening to guyset, a guys guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh, I'm 25 years old and I'm here every single week, every single Tuesday to talk about what should be talked about for guys.

If you have anything to talk about that should be talked about for guys, send it to my website, guyset.com. can also DM me at guysetpodcast, Instagram or at the guyset. Both are my channels. I post different stuff on both of those. If you liked this episode, I really hope you did. Please like subscribe, give this podcast five stars. Maybe that's one, two, three, four, five stars, not four, not three, not two, not one. It's five stars. Thank you much. I really, really appreciate that. If you want to talk about this, we talked to guys, the 20th sent to my email, my DMS at the guyset at guysetpodcast on the website guyset.com.

You can check out so many more blog posts on guyset.com, G-U-I-S-E-T.com, the same exact name as this podcast, just .com. I am answering the questions that guys are asking on there every single day. I post about three blog posts a day on there. So if there's a question that you can't find, something that's missing, something you me to talk about, something that should be talked about, just let me know and I will answer it. I'll do a whole episode on it, a blog post on it. That's like the foundation of this, answering the questions that guys are asking. So whenever you guys write in questions, it makes this

So much better it makes this thing happen and thank you for doing that. Thank you to everybody that does. I really appreciate it and it just it's what this whole thing is built on and I'm really excited about what I'm building and what we're building and I think it's so fucking cool. It's exactly what I wanted when I was younger. It's exactly what I wanted right now and I'm just excited that it's out in the world and people can see it listen to it read it whatever whatever way you want to experience it. I think it's there for you right now.

You can watch this full episode on YouTube at guyset. Basically everywhere, it's everywhere, everything everywhere all at once. And I love doing this. I love you for listening. Thank you so much. I'm so excited for the rest of this year for what's to come. Happy Hanukkah. If you celebrate Hanukkah like me, Merry Christmas coming up soon. We have another week, so I'll see you. We have two more weeks in this year, so I'll tell you Merry Christmas again next time.

What else what else can I just gonna keep going what else can I say happy Kwanzaa? All right, I'm gonna go there. That is the episode Thank you so much. Listen to guys said a guy's guide to what should be talked about and I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys