Overthinking, Coworker Drama, and Confidence Issues: Dear Guyset

Josh Felgoise (00:00.204)

Welcome to Guy's Set, a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh, I'm 24 years old, and I'm here to find all the tips, advice, and recommendations for everything you're wondering about. Let's get into it.

Josh Felgoise (00:18.063)

Hi guys, welcome back to guyset, a guys guide to what should be talked about. The one thing that has remained true throughout my entire time of creating this podcast, of doing this podcast every single week and creating guyset in general is that guys constantly have questions, anxieties and worries that they not only don't know where to find the answers to or advice on or a new perspective on,

But they also keep those questions inside and they bury those questions and those worries and anxieties deep down and hold them inside in fear of being seen by somebody else or by being seen by the world as not confident or not strong or in fear of being seen as weak for having that question in the first place or not knowing the answer to that question or feeling that anxiety or feeling that worry. And the funny thing about that is

We all, myself included, so deeply, we all have those same worries, questions, anxieties, fears. We just don't talk about them. And that's the whole point of this podcast. It's the reason I wanted to start this in the first place is because I couldn't find a place for that advice or those answers or a new perspective to bring back to my worry or to my anxiety that I had or to the overthinking I was doing. And I couldn't find answers or somebody else's opinion on them.

And that's what I do here. And that's the point of this. And I will answer those questions to the best of my ability whenever I can, every single time, and hopefully bring you a new perspective or a new piece of advice to bring back to that warrior and bring back to that anxiety. And that is the reason I'm bringing back my Q &A episode of the Q &A section of this podcast and GuySit. And I'm changing it and I'm bringing it back. I'm bringing back Ask GuySit in a new form.

It's just that I've changed one word. So it's now dear guyset. And I created a new email you can use to send questions to it's called or it is dear guyset at gmail.com D E A R G U I S E T at gmail.com. So send any questions you have there to be answered and included in the next episode or the next time I do this. And I'll make one of these episodes whenever there's a

Josh Felgoise (02:42.063)

pile up of questions to answer or give my perspective on or answer them to the best of my ability. So now is the time because there's been enough questions that have piled up on a super different, a big, different, a large scale, on a big range of topics. And I know in a couple episodes ago I said, I really wanna make an organized way to find these answers.

And that is guyset.com. That's where the blog comes into it. Here, I think it's kind of cool to be able to provide a large, like a big varying spectrum. Wow, I am struggling with my words today. A big varying spectrum of advice and perspective, like a lot of different topics here. So I'm gonna be covering like work topics, relationships, dating, a lot of like mental, like overcoming.

anxiety, overthinking, things I wish I learned earlier, what I've learned from being in a relationship, like a lot of those different topics in here. And I think like the common thread of all these topics is that we all have these questions. We all face these, these kind of worries or anxieties on a daily basis. from when you wake up to when you go to bed, all of these things consume our mindset and our, like our thoughts throughout the day.

So that's the commonality through all of these. And if you want to search them in like separate forms or if you have a separate question that you want an answer to or advice on, that's when you go to guyset.com, g-u-i-s-e-t.com, my website. I'll have a blog post for every single one of these questions and I'll try to include my video too. So like what I say in here will also be in there and then I'll write more about that as well. I'll give like an even deeper dive into it. But if you search for like

how to stop overthinking or just overthinking on the blog or on the website, you'll have a dedicated blog post to that question or to that specific topic. And I decided to bring this back because that's the whole point of this and Guy said is to just keep answering questions and keep bringing kind of like a spotlight to all these things and all these worries because that's what we all face. That's the whole point of this shit.

Josh Felgoise (05:03.973)

We wanna be able to have answers to this shit, but there's nowhere to get it. So here we go. Dear guyset, why is dating so hard right now? That I think is a question, and by the way, I haven't looked at these in a little bit, so I'm just like, ooh, that is a good question. I'm like answering myself. That is a question that I think has persisted throughout time, throughout every single decade. I'm sure our dads had the same question.

I'm sure our sons will have the same question and it's be, there's so many different things. Why dating is so hard right now. I think we're in an era of the dating app and like going out and meeting people, whether it's at the gym or at a bar or like just in any social setting, like on the weekend at a friend's party and like that type of going up to somebody and introducing yourself and saying hi and putting yourself out there and

potentially being rejected or facing that rejection and failure and like moving on from that. think a lot of us are afraid of that and aren't good at it and haven't developed the proper or good coping mechanisms to rejection, which is why we don't put ourselves out there so much because we just, fear it. I fear it. I'm sure if you're listening, you feel the same way, whether it's about dating or like...

applying for that job or asking for that raise. Like there's so many different areas that we fear being rejected. It's the reason we don't email somebody because we're afraid they won't respond back or we're afraid they'll come back and say no. Or it's the same reason we're afraid to send the text asking somebody to go out. Like we fear rejection. And I think it's important to learn how to overcome that. I think it's important to learn how to face it and how to grapple with rejection.

And the only way to do that is to do is to put yourself in situations where you're going to be rejected and you're going to face it. And that means going up to that girl at the bar that you think is cute and asking for her number and saying, hi, I'm Josh. I think you're really cute. What's your name? With the idea in mind that she may be like, ew, like you're disgusting or like, and she's not gonna do that, hopefully. But like.

Josh Felgoise (07:25.007)

No, actually don't put that in your mind. But the idea that she could be like, like I have a boyfriend or I'm taken or like, like I'm, I'm not interested right now or, I'm just here with my friends and I, I'm not in, you have to know going up to somebody that that is a potential, but have the confidence enough to do it and be okay with the fact that that may happen if that makes sense. And I think a lot of us are afraid of that right now. And I think that's okay. And I think it's, it's fine to be afraid of that. It's fine to.

not be at the place where you're totally confident. Like I'm not there either. But it's important that we work through it and we try and we continue to try even when we fail. And that we get like we always hear the thing of like get back up after you've all down. But so many times in dating like when you're down you stay down like you are on the ground laying horizontally waiting for somebody else to come because you've been rejected and you're like I'm a failure like

No one's ever going to love me. This is this doesn't work for me. Why is it? Why does it work for all of my friends? Like, why is everybody else in success relationships or why is everybody else? Why does it seem to be working so well for everybody else? And my one friend's getting five dates a week and I can't get one date. And there's a character in the new White Lotus season. think his name is like Brixton or Braxton. He's played by Patrick Schwarzenegger. He's like supposed to be the pretentious douchebag character. And he fully is. I've only watched one episode so far. I the second one came out, but.

Like his character is being a piece of shit and he says in the episode which like I've said on here before and I saw myself in him in that in the one moment not in general, please don't please don't equate me with him. But he says like it's a numbers game when he's talking to his little little brother about like dating and putting yourself out there and he's doing it obviously in like the most egregious way. He's like literally turning to this turning to the one girl over here like saying like hey like

let's get a drink and turn to the next girl when she rejects him. Obviously I'm not saying to do that. My advice here is not to literally shoot your shot 100 times a night and just put yourself in that scenario because that's not a good look either. Don't do it in an egregious way. When he said it's a numbers game, he is right about that. He's obviously going about it in the most pretentious douchebag possible way. it's a numbers game in respect of like

Josh Felgoise (09:47.193)

When you get rejected once, that doesn't mean you're rejected forever. And if you swipe on a dating app for five minutes a day, you'll be bound to match with at least one person from those 10 swipes. Like it's a numbers game in that respect. And I kind of agree with him about that. Just that, that's it. That's literally, that's my hard stop. I only agree with him there. But dating is so hard right now.

and it's always going to be like, I'm almost taking out the right now and I'm just saying like, why is dating so hard? it's okay. So it's that first and foremost, it's that like, we're afraid of the rejection. But the second piece of it is dating is so hard right now because we're all looking for something so specific that like fits into our lives so well. And

A relationship only works when there's a give and a take, like when there's compromise and when you're not just selfishly like looking for what's best for you, but you're also looking for what's best for her or what's best for the other person and making it work for both of you and the two of you. And I think we date selfishly a lot. And when there's one thing that's not right, it's all gone. Like if there's one thing that

gives you the ick or you think is not going to fit into your lifestyle or there's something that you disagree with. We're very quick to be like, okay, fuck that, I'm next. Because the apps and because dating has become so swipe left, swipe right, I hate to use that, but that is true. We're quick to think that we'll find the next best thing. And we're also quick to think that there is something always better.

Because of that, and I'm saying we, like the royal we, but I think a lot of us guys don't give enough of a chance for the relationship to develop or the chance for us to figure out if we really like the person long enough. Like we don't give ourselves a long enough time to determine if it's the right fit. And we're very quick to say no or turn it down or end it.

Josh Felgoise (12:06.477)

In fear of it not working out or in fear of it not fitting into your life or like your lifestyle well enough So I think there's two things it's one the fear of rejection and fear of failure and being seen as not confident or being seen as weak and the other thing is we don't give ourselves enough of a chance to let it develop and Enough of a chance to get to know the other person. So I think there's there's two big things there that make dating really hard

in general right now, that was the question, but in general because we know there's someone else out there, or we think there's someone else out there, especially because we have in our pockets 20 other girls potentially that we could go on a date with in the next week because of apps and because of the availability of it. So that's why I think it's so hard right now. If I think of anything else on that, I will add it in later.

Dear Guy Set, I've been on five dates with this girl and Valentine's Day is this week. I know we're past the Valentine's Day. This person asked the question before Valentine's Day. I answered them by DM, but I didn't get a chance to share the answer on here. And I think this could help somebody or could alleviate some sort of anxiety that somebody has had about Valentine's Day or about this situation. So I'm sure this has happened with somebody else. Let me actually say the situation before I give you the whole preface. Dear Guy Set, I've been on five dates with this girl and Valentine's Day is this week. Should I get her something?

So I think a lot of people have probably been in the situation where they're dating somebody around Valentine's Day, but like you're not officially in the relationship. This person specifically is on five dates with this girl. So I think at this point in the relationship, I was just talking about how like we don't give ourselves enough of a chance to develop a real connection or to see if this person is right for you. And I think you can figure that out in two to three dates. I think three dates is probably like the really good determinant.

where you spent like enough time with this person to see if you really liked them. At this point, this person specifically is at five dates. I don't know, at this point, like I hope you're either not dating anybody else and kind of coming to a conclusion of like, I actually want to continue seeing this girl. Like I really do like her and I think this could be something I invest more time in or I see myself like actually making this into a relationship because at like five, six dates, that timing like

Josh Felgoise (14:29.637)

I don't know, personally I can't see more than, I could never see more than one person at a time in dating life because that's not the type of guy I am. Like I just, I couldn't do it. I get too emotionally invested in one relationship. So it sounds like you're invested at five dates. So I would say, and it's Valentine's Day, so like you're not official. I would say you should ask her to be your Valentine and say like, hey, would you be my Valentine? I know we're late, sorry.

You can ask her to be your Valentine and get her like a flower or flowers or something, a bouquet, bouquet, bouquet. And then. Like you don't have to make it official, so don't rush into it or don't feel forced to make this into a relationship or ask her to be your girlfriend because it's Valentine's day. Like, of course, don't do that. Make sure you're ready before you're in the relationship and make sure you're fully into it and committed and excited about it. Most importantly, before you jump head in.

But I do think like you could very easily ask her to be your Valentine and get her flowers. And then at some point soon, like it sounds like you're almost getting to the relationship era or relationship area. So I think it's OK to ask her to be your Valentine. I don't think that'd be weird at all. And I think she'd say yes to after five dates. Sounds like you're pretty invested in it. OK, dear guys, how do I stop getting pissed off at my coworker? I love this question.

because it means you're pissed off at your coworker. And I fully, I'm behind you with that. I fully understand that. I think coworker relationships are really delicate and very dynamic. it is, you're, okay, first and foremost, like, you're not at work to make friends. You're not at work to become best friends with everybody. I think that's something that I had to learn the hard way because I'm a very big people pleaser. I like, or I used to be more so than I am now.

but I really like having everybody think that I'm nice and that I am fun to be around and that I'm like a good hang. And that's not important at work. Like that's not why you're at work. You're not at work to make friends and you have your friends and you have your work. Like you're at work to make money, you're at work to build a career, you're at work to have a job and to be successful.

Josh Felgoise (16:52.397)

will sometimes mean that not everybody is going to like you. And I have had to learn that the hard way in my last job because it is incredibly difficult to do a great job at your job and have everybody like you. And that is something that we all have to like, it's a hard pill we all have to swallow is that like the people pleasing tendency and having everybody like you at work.

It is going to collide like that is going to clash. Not everybody's going to like you at work. And I almost wow. I would almost go as far to say that. If you're going to be successful that like you're going to. I don't know, like, let me actually not go as far to say I came out with this bold claim of like, I'm going to go as far to say that if you know, I kind of do believe like if you are going

to thrive in your job. Like some people are going to be mad at you and some people are going to be upset with you and pissed at you because it means that you're taking an opportunity that somebody else might have or you're doing work and you're going above and beyond and like doing something that like somebody else should maybe be doing or should have done. And I think it's a hard dance. Like it's a very hard dance. Keeping keeping the peace with everybody and having everybody like you.

and doing a great job and being seen as successful in your boss's eyes and the CEO's eyes. And how do you stop specifically getting pissed off your coworker is you realize all of that. You realize that not everybody's going to like you and that's okay. And when you can take a step back from that and realize that like them being mad at you or them being pissed off at you or

talking negatively about you or toward you is not a reflection of you, but a reflection of them. And it is, it could be a totally mixed bag of things of how they are feeling. It could be them, them projecting their lack of security or feeling insecure onto you. could be their jealousy of how you're doing at work. It could be. It's all those things. It's insecurity. It's jealousy. It's a lack of confidence.

Josh Felgoise (19:14.382)

And don't let that hold you back or stop you from doing the best work that you're going to do or the best job you're going to do and from succeeding. But I would say, like, try as hard you can not to be pissed off at them. Like, look at it as. It's something about them, it's not about me, and they're putting that onto me and that sucks. That's unfair. Nobody should do that. It sucks when people do that. Like, it really is the fucking worst when people put their shit onto you.

But at work, you do have to take a step back from that and hold your ground while also becoming a little bit more mature about it. And I don't know, it really depends on what you're pissed off at your coworker about. In this scenario, it's a very vague question. But my overall answer would be think about why they are pissing you off.

And then look at it as like a reflection of them and not you. And that should kind of like subside your pissed offness and your anger at them when you realize that maybe it's more about them than it is about you. I like it. Stamp of approval on my answer. Dear guy said, do you have any tips for focusing better at work? I'm not the guy for you to ask. No, I'm just kidding. I think that the biggest thing I've done in the past

week or so specifically is I really look at my phone a lot during meetings, which is very bad. I'm either like checking Slack on my phone during a meeting or I'm, you know, not checking Slack and doing something else, scrolling Instagram, scrolling TikTok, replying to a text, doing literally anything else besides paying attention to the meeting. And like, that's not a great thing to admit. That's not a good look to put out.

But I'm sure a lot of us do that too. And I'm I know a lot of us do that too, because I look around in the meeting and I see everyone's heads down and I see the bright light at their faces. So I know everyone's doing that. Like that's not a secret. Everyone's doing it. And I know that some people are pushing for like work from office instead of work from home because of a lot of that shit. But like that happens in the office too. Like let's let's be honest. Let's be real. I would say my biggest tip for you to focus better and in general focus better is to put the phone down.

Josh Felgoise (21:32.236)

in meetings, specifically, or in moments where you really should be present or you think you should be present, in moments where you should be, or you, you think you should be like working more or dedicating more time to like that specific project. Just flip your phone over completely. Like don't even let it be in or put it in, put it away, like put it in a separate room. keep it out of your site for that hour or that half hour of the meeting and

Do your best to focus and stay present in that moment. And I think the best thing to do is just flip your phone over or get it out of your eyesight because our tendency is to turn it over, look at it, start scrolling, respond to a text, and then we're back into the meeting setting, which we've already unfocused, we're already un-present. So I think the phone tip is the biggest thing. I also think like taking notes during meetings or during work is a really good way to stay present. If you have a notepad and a

pen like olden times, I always do that. I always have like a notepad and pen. I don't write any of the notes, but I should. If you do that and you're like actively trying to take notes or like on what people are saying and specifically jotting down like what you can be helpful in or what you can do to contribute to that person's project or contribute to the company, like note taking, flipping the phone over. I think those are two very simple and easy ways and tools to

become more present in your job and at work.

Dear guys said, how do I ask for a raise? I think this is a very hard question too. think there's a couple things you can do to set yourself up better for that conversation. The first thing I would do, and this is advice that the previous CEO of Barstool gave me on this podcast, her name is Erica Ayers-Badan. If you just search for CEO of Barstool Sports Erica,

Josh Felgoise (23:32.794)

You'll find it. No, not Erica. Just search for CEO of Barstool Sports in Spotify or in Apple podcasts or wherever you're listening to podcasts and you'll find that episode in my library of episodes, episode 35. She gave me this advice and it is to come to that meeting or that setting with what you've done and what you've done for the company.

And that is the best way to set yourself up for this conversation. So if you provide the exact value that you've brought to the company, I'm gonna use an example of, like I'll create an example. So if there's a project that you led that directly contributed to a lead volume for the company, which means like leads coming into the company and new potential customers. So if a project that you did directly contributed

to a increase in volume of new customers coming to the company, then you can show that that led to actual sales for the company and that led to, yeah, money coming in. Like you've provided actual money to the company, you've provided real value, that's a great way to show what you've done. So I led this project that brought this many people into the company.

and it directly led to this amount of sales for our company. Something you did led to money coming in. This is also advice that my sister's boyfriend gave me when I was asking for a raise at my last job, is showing the direct value you've brought to a company. I it's the best way that any of us can ask for a raise or should come to that conversation asking for a raise is proving the value you've brought.

to the person you're asking for the raise, which is your boss or the CEO or somebody high up at your company, probably not the CEO, your boss or somebody high up, like a director or some name for that role. Show what you've done. then like, and that's the reason you're asking for the raise. Like you're asking for a raise because of the good work you've brought in. So make sure it's specific. mean, there's always like a year review or

Josh Felgoise (25:51.874)

two year review or year and a half mark whenever your company does reviews and it gives always a good opportunity to ask for a raise and it doesn't have to be that direct of a contribution to ask for a raise like especially in those. mean I think most people are asking for raises during their review periods and maybe in the review you weren't. I'm just specifically talking to this person like maybe in that review you didn't get the raise you thought you deserved the they didn't offer you the raise you wanted.

I think that's a good time to come back and say like, hey, I've been here for X amount of time. I have done this project, this project, this project, and that has led directly to this. It doesn't have to be sales. Doesn't have to be customers, but it has to be something that's contributing to the company. So I think that's the best way to ask for raises, to set yourself up with this really good story. Like, like tell a story about what you've done for them and come with it. And I think that's the best thing you can do. So

How do you ask for a raise is you just prove the value you've brought to the company. Dear guys set, what are you reading? thank you for asking. I like that question. I just read two books. read hold strong and then I had the authors on this podcast of the book. One of my favorite authors of all time, Robert Dugoni came on to talk about his last book and beyond reasonable doubt and then came on to talk about this one. It's called hold strong. I

think it's one of the best books I've read in a minute. I highly recommend it to everybody listening right now. It is a true story, a never-be-told, never-be-told, a never-before-told true story about these Japanese warships in World War II. I think you are all going to love this book. It has everything you're looking for in kind of like a war book, and it's a thriller. It reminds me a lot of the book Unbroken, or if you've ever seen that movie.

If you're into historical fiction historical not I think it's a nonfiction, but it's also fiction So it's like a mix of the both if you're into anything like historical if you're into World War two That's an amazing book. I also read a book called when breath becomes air and it's about a Beyond successful neurosurgeon who then gets diagnosed with cancer

Josh Felgoise (28:15.194)

It's about his kind of like last few years of his life. It's like it's what he wrote during his last few years of his life Highly impactful book. I loved it. I Think it's an incredible read. I'm also I just finished those two so that was last month I'm currently reading a book called crying in H Mart and it's about this woman. I'm reading a lot of like death books this woman's journey with her mom dying and

She's also like a successful Japanese artist. I don't know. think that's interesting. Random. I saw it was recommended recommended by somebody on TikTok. And I was like, yeah, I'll read that. And then I just started a book called Eleven Twenty Two Sixty Three and it's by Stephen King and it's a book about time travel and the JFK assassination. That's what I understand so far. And I think so far really good. I'm only like I'm only like 50 or so pages. And I just started it the other day.

So, so far I recommend that. I'll come back and let you know if I end up hating it. But that's what I'm reading right now. And what I read recently. Dear guyset, what shampoo do you use? This is a question that I honestly struggled with for a really long time. I think, like this is the type of question that like guyset has built around. Like, where do you find an answer to this type of question? I don't know. There's no, like who's providing the recommendations for that? Me, like that's it. I don't know who else is.

doing that. It's so random and specific and niche, like also important and definitely something that like we think about. I for a while used Head and Shoulders. I literally don't know why I don't have dandruff, but I just liked it and I was afraid to switch shampoos because I don't know what else is out there. So I what I did is I like for the next few months after I switched off of that shampoo is I tried other ones right now. I'm trying Tressa May. I just went to the CVS and picked it like it looked

It says daily shampoo and I thought it looked nice. Like I don't know the answer to this question. I'll keep you updated on my shampoo journey because I think this is like a this is a great question. Like I don't know where to find the answer to that either. Right now my recommendation is Tressa May Tressa. I don't know how to pronounce it. It's like a big black bottle for a while. I used head and shoulders. I really did like it by the way. I just like thought why am I using this if I don't have dandruff and I used.

Josh Felgoise (30:37.018)

Dove for is I do use do I use dove shampoo probably? What do you shampoo do you guys use? Can you please write in and let me know? either to my email it you can use the dear one because that's the episode dear guys at gmail.com or DM me at the guys at thg you is et Instagram tik tok YouTube all any social media platform I Really want to know what shampoo everybody uses because I actually don't know where to find that answer

And like I feel like online when you're looking for those recommendations, like they're all sponsored. They're all articles that are like written by the company itself. So I don't know. I'll let you know. I'll keep you updated. I'm going to I'm to go on a shampoo journey and let you know. But honestly, I do like Trisabay right now. Dear guys, how do I help my friend? That could mean a million different things. But I will answer that question by saying.

I think you can help your friend by being there and letting them know you're there. being there doesn't always have to mean like physically, you don't have to be with them. But I think the most important thing you can do to help your friend is to text them and say like, and this could be any scenario, by the way, I think this advice applies to any scenario where you want to help your friend. Just letting them know like, hey, I understand what you're going through.

I know what you're going through. you do, if you share that experience and you feel like you can say that, like I've been there before. I think everybody likes to hear that somebody else has been there before and everybody likes to hear that somebody else has experienced that too. So if you can add that in, I think you should add that in, but like, Hey, I, I know what you're going through is hard. I, feel for you and I'm always here for you. I think that's the most important part is just to say like, I'm always here for you. I'm here whenever you need me. let me know.

how I can help or let me know what you need from me and I'm there for you. That type of text I think is what everybody needs and I think what every guy could be better at. Like we're not very good at expressing our emotions or our friendship or our like there for you-ness and I think sending a text like that to a friend you think is in need or a friend you wanna help just saying like, hey.

Josh Felgoise (33:00.962)

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Like I, it makes me sad to see you like this. And I want you to know I'm always there for you if you ever need me. I think is the perfect thing to say to somebody and then being them for there, if they need you, if you think that means going to see them or going to over to their apartment or giving them a call. Like we, can always give your friend a call and just say like, Hey, how are you? I'm thinking of you or not even that just like, Hey, how are you? And

You don't even have to talk about whatever's going on. don't even have to talk about the thing you think they need help with. But I think letting them know you're there, having a conversation about whatever is enough to show them that you're there. and just asking them to hang out and reaching out is the best thing you can do. Reach out, send a text, send a call, be there for your friend. That I think is the most help you can give to your friend. Dear guys, how do I tell my friend to be more confident? Ooh.

I think that you can't tell your friend to be more confident. can't be like, you be more confident. You are not confident enough. Be more confident. But I think you can, similar to my last answer, say something like, because you, by the way, you have been where they are right now. You have been in a moment where you're not confident or you're feeling like a lack of confidence. We've all been there. So I can say that you've been there without even knowing you.

Unless no everybody has felt a moment of not confidence or a moment of insecurity So I think saying to them I know how that feels like I've been there before I Felt that way last week or giving them a scenario like I Felt that way When this happened to me, so I know exactly how you're feeling and I got through it by doing this or I have worked on it by doing this and giving them an example

of first like I've been there and then also like here's how I got out of it is a great thing to do to help them be more confident. So I'll use the example of if your friend isn't confident with girls. I think that's I don't know. I'm just that's that's where my head goes for this type of question. I would say saying to them like hey I've also been rejected. I've also gone on a ton of I've also gone on a ton of bad dates. I went on a bad date.

Josh Felgoise (35:25.28)

last month and it was terrible. But putting myself out there I thought was one of greatest things I could do for myself. And I'm back in it. I went on a great date this week because I put myself back out there. think giving them an example of creating confidence from yourself is a great thing to do. So if your friend isn't feeling confident in terms of, I'm just gonna use dating because I'm sticking with my example. If your friend is not feeling confident with dating,

And they've been rejected and they're laying on the floor like the meeting this episode I was talking about and they're just not getting back up and you know that they should be out there and you you want them to be because you think it's like it'll be great for them and they'll be happier. I would say to him and I think you could say to him like dude I felt the exact same way when this happened on this date like I know how you're feeling right now. I so get this and like you are you're not like and then this is a funny thing to say but like you're so not alone in this because like

I feel this way. Our other guy or our other buddy feels this way. Like we all feel this way at some point. like that, like you're not special in this. Like, like I'm, like, I'm sorry to say, like, you're not like the only person in the world who's ever felt this way, but it's not going to help you to keep like moaning around and droning around about this. It's not going to help you to stay on the ground and like be in a pile of self-pity. That's not going to do anything like

You can, you can do that for a little while, but like, don't think that's going to help you that much. What I will say is I think you should get back out there and like, why not? Like there's nothing to lose. Like you're either still you're on the floor right now, or you end up back on the floor again next week. But like, why not try again? It may result in something that's awesome and it may result in something that's so great for you. I this also applies to a friend that is out of work right now and can't get a job.

is really trying their hardest is in interview after interview after interview and just can't get a job and feels like they're so stuck and feel so lost and feels like the world is moving without them and they're behind everybody else is progressing and they're not I would say to them like My interview process was so grueling like it took me so long to find the job that I wanted my last job fucking sucked like I was so unhappy in that and it took me so long to find somewhere I was happy in

Josh Felgoise (37:47.064)

So I think it's incredible that you took a, you found, I mean, there's so many different scenarios, but like, I'm gonna take the friend that like just got fired or left their job or quit. Like, I think this works for all of those. it's so great that you're out of a company that wasn't right for you. Like, now you have an opportunity to find something that's right for you. You now have the time and the ability to find the next best thing for you. And how cool is that? Like, you're now gonna create a new path for yourself that you

were stuck off of for so long because of that last job. Like now you have the ability to create a new fucking like thing for yourself. Like this is going to be a new success. So all of the doors that are closing are leading to the next door. And like it may feel like you're getting rejection after rejection after rejection. Like it just it may feel so shitty right now. But like your time will come. The next thing will be for you. And when it does come like it's going to be so great.

So giving them that confidence, giving them that kind of like friend pep talk that I think we could all get better at and we could all do more to our friends and doing it in a way that's not self-righteous and is not braggy and is not like, I've been there and now I'm on the other side of it. You could do it too. It's more so like, I know how shitty you must feel right now and I'm not here to rub that in. I'm not here to kick you while you're down. I'm just here to tell you I've been there too. I know how that feels.

You're not alone and you're not special for feeling this way. Like, and I think it's, it's, it's important to give somebody like that little bit of self, like that, little bit of like love, but also like honesty too. It's like, we've all been there. We all feel this way. We all feel anxious. We all feel worried. We all feel like we're not good enough at some sort of time and we all feel down and like failures and like rejections. And that's part of this whole experience. That's really just part of.

the everyday life that's part of growing up, that's part of our early 20s, and I think that pep talk is the best thing you can do for that friend. I'm gonna answer one more and then I'll add the rest I didn't answer to the next time I do this, which will probably be next month. Or if there's a push to do this more often, I'll do it sooner rather than later. Dear Guy Set, how do I stop overthinking?

Josh Felgoise (40:10.572)

I love this question because you came, this one you fully came to the right place for because I am a chronic over thinker. I'm more so used to be than I am now. I've gotten a lot better about it. So chronic's not the right word. I am a, what's the word? Not like surviving over thinker. I am a,

Like, you know what they say in AA, like I'm a previous, like I'm a previous over, no, I'm not out of it. Do you see that? I'm overthinking the amount I'm talking about overthinking, like you've come to the right place. So how do I stop overthinking? I tend to make up nonexistent scenarios in my head about what may happen, what could happen. And knowing and noticing,

that those two things, what may happen, what could happen, are not what will happen. They are most likely never going to occur. Those things are most likely never going to happen. And the things you're making up in your head, I'm not, I'm not to make you sound like you're making up scenarios and things in your head, but like we all do this about like, if I do this, then this will happen. Like, well, this weekend, this is gonna happen and I'm worried that when it does, I'll react this way.

or they'll get mad at me for reacting this way because I said this thing like that hasn't even happened yet. Like you're not even at the weekend. You're not even at this place. This person hasn't even asked you that thing. And you're already thinking about how they're mad at you for what you responded to a thing that they haven't even asked you or it hasn't even happened. Like that's the craziest part of what we're thinking is we can spend so much time in our own heads, in our own thoughts with things that haven't happened and most likely never even will happen.

So I would say the next time you catch yourself overthinking, just take a note of it, like whether it's mentally or physically, take a note of how deep, how like far down your train of overthought went and how you ended it and how you stopped it. Like I'll give a good example. I spent a lot of time this past weekend.

Josh Felgoise (42:21.368)

thinking about what may happen if one of my coworkers leaves a job or leaves the job he's in right now. I spent so much time thinking about what will happen if this person leaves the company I'm currently at. This person has not left the company. This person may not ever leave the company. mean, this person at some point will probably leave as we all will. Like it's a job, it's work. We're not gonna stay in this job till we're 100 years old. But I spent so much time thinking about what

Well, that will mean for my job when this person leaves, this person's not even leaving. Like, why did I spend so much time in my own head with the idea of what will happen to my job and how much change I'll have to undergo when this thing happens? And this thing hasn't even happened. Like, that's an example of my own over thought and overthinking that

takes me so far out of the present and creates so many anxieties for me that don't need to happen. So what I did when that happened, was like, here's how far down I went. I guess it was more of I didn't take a physical note, I took a mental note of it. was like, here's how far down it went, how worried I got about this. And it got to the point where I,

It was like in my dream of what's gonna happen when I was like sleeping and like I woke up at night thinking about it I really got to a place where I was like way too in that and that was the moment I realized like I need to not create that scenario and believe that scenario because your thoughts become your beliefs and your thoughts become what bring you throughout the day. So if I spend my day believing that when this happens this thing will happen to me I'm gonna spend my time worrying about something that doesn't exist.

So I didn't, I don't want to do that. Like I, I physically don't want to do that. And it's not good for me to do that. So I would say take a note of when that happens to you. and notice when it's happening again and cut it off, like stop it. You have the ability to change the channel in your head. I saw this, I think it was probably a Ted talk of this person saying like, or maybe it was a psychologist that maybe I learned this in psychology class. Like when you have a thought that you don't like, that is not helpful, it's not beneficial to you.

Josh Felgoise (44:41.582)

You can put it on a cloud in your head, a mental cloud, and watch it go away. I think it's the coolest thing. I love doing this. It's a visual visualization. Putting this thought on a cloud. So this thought of my overthought of the coworker leaving and what's going to happen to my job. I put it on the cloud and I literally watch it in my head. I close my eyes and watch it go away. And then the next cloud comes along. And I that's the coolest way to visualize that experience.

When you're overthinking next time, try that exercise. Try putting that thought on a cloud and letting it go, watching it go away because it's not relevant. It's not real and it may never even happen. So the expression of cross that bridge when you get there has never been more true for an overthinker than it, and it always is like, wait until that thing happens to worry about it. Don't spend your time leading up to it. Worry about something that doesn't exist.

and may not happen. Put it on the cloud, watch it go away. How do you stop overthinking? Listen back to what I just said. How anxious I sounded when I was just talking about it because I got re-anxious as I was talking about it and I could feel myself overthinking about even what I was saying about it. When I edit this episode, I'll probably be like, I should cut some of that out because I can hear my overthinking in it, but I'm not going to because I think it's important to leave all of that in.

So you can see that in real time. Like I get it. I, I, and I'm doing what I said that you should do to the friend. Like I really do get that. I feel it more than you know about overthinking about feeling anxious about things that may not exist and will never exist. so try those few exercises or try that cloud exercise when it, when it happens and remember that it's not a real thing and it's not actually happening. Okay.

I'm going to stop it there. There's so many more questions and I will put them all to the next Dear Guy Set. I will answer all of these questions as well on my blog, my website, guyset.com so you can find every answer to these questions specifically with more writing as well. You can also find them and a lot more in next week's episode of Guy Set Magazine. It'll be the second ever issue of Guy Set Magazine coming out. I'm so excited about it. I can't wait to continue putting it together and putting the final touches on it.

Josh Felgoise (47:08.981)

I haven't started by the way, like I just lied by saying final touches. I have so much to do for it. but I love doing it. think it's, I think it's really cool. And I'm so excited to, put it out. that is the episode. Thank you so much. Listen to guys, that a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh. I'm 24 years old and I'm here every single Tuesday to talk about what should be talked about for guys in their twenties. If you have something I'm going to talk about that should be talked about for guys in their swan in their twenties, send to my email. It's dear guys said at gmail.com.

D E A R G U Y S E T at gmail.com. I will answer these questions. Anything you send in, like I just did today in another episode of Dear Guy Set, I'll answer them on the blog, on the website. You will find all those answers at Guy Set. If you liked this episode, I really hope you did. Please give this podcast five stars and leave a review. That's one, two, three, four, five stars, not four, not three, not two, not one, it's five and leave a review. Thank you so much, guys. Guy Set, a guy's guide to what should be talked about. And I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.

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