How To Talk to Girls at a Bar

Josh Felgoise (00:00.398)

Welcome to Guy's Set, the guy's guide to what you should be talking about. I'm Josh, I'm 23 years old, and I'm here to find all the tips, advice, and recommendations for guys in their 20s. Let's get into it.

Josh Felgoise (00:17.721)

Hi guys, welcome back to Guy's Set, the guy's guide to what should be talked about. Today's topic is the topic that I think I would search for first if I found out about this podcast. And it is how to talk to girls at a bar. you know, it's so much harder than it's made out to be in like a movie or like in a TV show. And let me just start off by saying I do not have the answer to that question.

I just have some tips and some things that I do that I think will be helpful for you. But like realistically, I'm not that good at it either. I'm just going to be straight off the bat by telling you that. Like I'm actually pretty shit at it. And I had this realization last night that I was like getting a drink with my friend at this bar and like a bunch of our friends were there, whatever. I don't know why I had to add that in just to set the scene. Let me set the scene for you. So we go to this bar, we roll like we roll. Who the fuck do I think I am? We are there like eight people.

eight of our friends now I'm trying to be like prim and proper like we are with 10 of our friends eight of our friends at this bar. That's a big number. I wasn't eight people it was like it was like five or six of us. I don't know does that matter? Does that matter? Do sound off in the comments below? Do you care about the number of people I was with? Anyway, let me go back to the topic at hand. So I was with a bunch of my friends at the bar and I was getting a drink with this one friend and I turned to him I was like, I kind of forget how to talk to girls at this bar like talk to like random girls. And

I just haven't done it for a month or so and just got very nervous last night about going up to... There was one girl I thought was really cute and I just got nervous and didn't end up going up to her. And I don't know why I didn't go up to her or... I guess, let's talk about it. That's the point of this. So I was nervous to going up to her. She was with a couple of friends and I could have just walked up to one of my friends and be like, yo, would you mind walking up with me and just wingmanning me for a second or talking to one of her friends?

But I was just, I just got like really nervous and didn't do that in the first place. and ended up not doing it at all. And I got home at the end of the night and I was like, fuck, like, why didn't I do that? Because at end of the day, the worst thing that happens from walking up is she's just like, nah, like, or she rejects me in any, in any like form. It's some sort of rejection, whether she's just like not interested or like she turns away or talks to her friends or like, I don't know, whatever it is, like I can handle it. At the end of the day, I just like,

Josh Felgoise (02:42.626)

didn't try, which I think is always so much worse. And I'm so much more disappointed in myself for not trying in the first place, because we don't try and you never know. Like that is just the that's the end of it. That's the period end of sentence. But I don't know, I should have and I regretted not. So I wanted to do this episode just like remind me of some tips and tactics or like not tactics like that. I don't mean to make it sound like it's like a thing that you can like look at like a playbook and do, but it's just like

Some things that I would want to hear that someone else is doing to, I don't know, make them feel more confident or have some sense that it's going to work before you walk up there. So the first thing I would say is it's hard to go up to a girl if she's in like a group of like a big group of friends, if she's like four friends, five friends. We're on this numbers thing right now. I don't know why I'm so intent on the number of friends. If she's with more than like two friends, I think it's tough to walk up to a girl if it's just you.

If you're with a friend and it's like a group of two or three, like that's fine. That's that works. Works with like a wingman. But if it's just you, it's very hard to do, to walk up to a girl and a group of friends, even if you're with like one or two friends. I don't know. A big group is tough because you don't know what their motivation is for going out. If they just want to have like a fun girls night and they're just like not looking for guys to bother them. Like that could be always a case. So I avoid a big group. So if a girl is with like one or two friends and you have a friend, I think that's

probably the best case scenario. If not, like if a girl is alone and you're on your own too, like I think it's totally fine to walk up and say hi. I don't have like a specific line that I use or anything, but like, I don't know, do I? I don't think I do. And I'm just like, I'm at like a loss of words for what I would say to somebody when I went up and that's why I didn't last night, I just got so nervous. But...

I also feel like being like, hey, are you here alone? Like that could be fucking creepy. So like, wouldn't, I wouldn't advise on doing that. Let me think of like what I would say. So, okay, let me put myself in my own shoes of last night. If I did go up to that girl, if I wasn't a little bitch and I decided to go up to her. So I woke up, I'm like, hey, like, how'd you find this place?

Josh Felgoise (05:04.361)

I don't know what I would say. I think I'm just actually a bitch when I look back at it. I just like forget how to speak sometimes. Do you ever feel that way? You just like, are like, I was, my one friend was talking to this other girl and I was like, damn, he's killing it. What the fuck did he have in his drink? Did he can, no, no, no, not in that way. But what, like, what did he, why is, why can he do that? And I can't. So I also go back to that, that like statement that like,

Comparison is a thief of joy. I've talked a lot about like other people doing really well at this shit And it feels like I'm the only person in the world that can't Do that or can't speak to a girl at a bar so and I haven't given any tips so far actually so this has been a Big load of fucking nothing, but I think more so the point is that I don't know what I'm doing and if you don't know what you're doing then you should feel okay about that because You had someone here that also has no fucking clue what he's doing

But let me think of some conversation topics that I think would be good walking up to a girl at a bar. I think it depends on the place first and foremost. if you're at, let's say a dive bar, something that's casual, cool, chill, good vibes, I you could walk up and be like, hey, how are you? My name's Josh, nice to meet you. I thought you were really cute and just wanted to say hi. And then see from there. I don't know. That's something that I would say.

a genuine guy. don't have any like fucking lines or anything. Some people are probably so much smoother than me. That's actually so unsmooth. I sound like I'm at a business meeting or a fucking conference. I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna say. I think that's it. I think that's my line. It's not a line. think it's just like what I would say. And if you have stuff that you say that you think is better, like genuinely please let me know. I always say that. Like let me know my email or my DM and like people don't.

But like, feel free to, because I really am genuinely curious and I need tips myself. And I'm putting myself out here to more so just like say that like, this is all shit we shouldn't feel uncomfortable about because we're all experiencing it. And I know, I felt so weird last night that like, I was like, I don't know what to say or like how to talk to a girl at a bar. And that's something I just felt so weird about. And I shouldn't because that's like, it's...

Josh Felgoise (07:27.124)

I feel like a kind of a universal experience that everybody goes through at some point where you just like mind blank and like forget what to say or what you want to say. And when you see like a cute girl, it makes it so much worse for me because then I get nervous and that's something I always do. But let's go back. Let's go back to like a conversation you're having. So let's say, I think there's always like some sort of vibe you can get before you walk up. So if you've like made eye contact or if she's like giggling with friends or like, I don't know.

If you've made some sort of eye contact or walked by and got a vibe, or I don't know. If you sense that she's inviting to conversation or not closed off, if she's at a table with friends, obviously that's not the right vibe. Or if she's just in a girl group and not looking for conversation. if she's open to it, think body language can tell you a lot there. Obviously don't stare and look for signals. But I think the body language can tell you a lot.

She looks like she's like down for a conversation. think you walk up and say something. And if I have anything to say from last night, like I wish I had said something. I regret not saying something. So if there's anything I would say from this podcast, like say hi. The worst thing that comes from this is she's just like, I'm sorry, I'm with friends or she's a much bigger bitch and she's like, I'm not interested. Like fuck off, get away from me. Which I don't think is like something that's going to happen a lot, but it could. So like be prepared, but

Yeah, I think in the most of time either she's just like, we'll turn away from the conversation or I don't know. I was talking to this one girl last night and I'm kind of being a hypocrite because I kind of turned away from her. So, and I know I'm being a hypocrite because I said I wasn't talking to anybody, but there was this one girl that I would like was just being very annoying and like overly flirty. I talked about this on one of the episodes before about a first date and she brought up like moon signs or whatever the fuck and

Like, I'm a Gemini, so she was like, oh, by the way, if you're listening and you're like, oh my God, he's fucking Gemini. Like, okay, what is that supposed to mean? I don't know. Okay. Like, fuck off. Yeah, I said it. I don't know what that means. Maybe I should read into it. Now that I'm like getting defensive about it, I think I should probably read into it. But she was like, oh, so like that, she's like, I'm also Gemini. So like, as you can see, like I'm walking around flirting to everybody, flirting with everybody at the bar. Like, that's just like me. Like, that's so Gemini. I was like, what?

Josh Felgoise (09:55.795)

What is that supposed to... I was like, no, I think you're just annoying. I don't think that has anything to do with your personality or your fucking moon gem sign. I obviously didn't say that. That's just something I'm telling you right now. Obviously I didn't say that. I'm not a fucking ass. But, that was annoying. So don't do that. Don't do that for sure. If I can give you another tip. It's just not to do that. But let's go back to a good case scenario because...

So let's say the conversation is like you walk up to the girl, you have the confidence to do it, and what I'm saying is have the confidence to do it because if you don't you really will never know. So have the confidence to walk up and say hi. As I said, the worst that happens is you get rejected in some form. And that sucks. I'm not gonna trigger that. That fucking blows. But like hopefully you'll be with some friends. There'll be a drink you can go grab, you can go get. Like okay, like we'll move on. There's a lot of other girls or whatever you're looking for out there. And...

You know what, if they don't want you, why do you want them? Bang.

Ha! Truth fucking wisdom bomb right there.

They don't want you? No, seriously though. If they're not interested in you, like, why should you be interested in them? Like, there's no, none of this like chase shit. There's no need, like, there's so many other people, and they're not worth your time if they're not giving you the time of day.

Josh Felgoise (11:20.403)

Let's go back to the good case, good scenario. You've walked up, you've introduced yourself, you're having a good conversation. I think the next best thing to do is, if the conversation's going well, ask for her number. I think that there's no harm in that. And from there, then you can, at a later date, maybe a day or two later, text her and be like, hey, it was so nice to meet you. Would love to hang out more.

That's weird, sorry. Hey, was so nice to meet you. Like, would you be down to grab drinks this Thursday at 730? Something like very casual. I think the best case scenario, unless you're having like the best time and the conversation is really flowing, this is more so if like the conversation is going to a lull and you are at a period where you're like, I don't know what the fuck to say to this girl anymore, but like, I really did enjoy hanging out with her and I'd like to meet her more. And I think that's a great thing to say.

and be like, look, like my friends over there, like I want to hang out with them a little bit more, but I'd love to hang out with you at another time. Like, you down? Like, I'd love to get your number and hang out. So I think that's a great way to end it. But now I've skipped over like the... No, no, I haven't skipped. No, we're good. I think we're chilling. Okay. So how to talk to girls at a bar is having confidence, number one. It's something that I didn't have last night at all. Like seriously not. And it was like pretty embarrassing.

Not a bit, no, no, Josh, that's whole point, no, stop. Sorry, it's not embarrassing, it's I felt embarrassed. Yeah, no, fuck it, I did, I felt embarrassed. But like, the point is that we shouldn't feel embarrassed about this stuff. Because it's something that like a lot of guys experience every single night of every weekend. Because we're all in the same boat. Like, it's not an easy thing to just have the confidence to be like, you know what, fuck it, I'm gonna go walk up to this girl and be like.

Hey, how are you? I think you're really cute. My name is Josh. I'd love to hang out. Whatever. Obviously, you're not going to say all that in one sentence. But it takes lot of confidence to walk up to a girl. I'm acknowledging that. And I'm also saying that I didn't have that confidence last night. I have before, and I just kind of lost it. And I'm like a little lull. But I'm going to work to get out of that, because there's no need to be. There's really no need. As I said, worse that happens is she says no. There's no need.

Josh Felgoise (13:39.571)

to feel like I can't walk up to somebody and say hi. Yeah. And this is like the, I guess the big takeaway is just like, get back to a place, and if you are there, like awesome, if you're not, like try and build back to a place that you feel confident enough to walk up to somebody. And the way to get there is to fucking try. Like the only way to feel that you have the confidence to do that is to give it a shot. That's it. There's no other way to...

build up to that. can like think about it for so long and work on it in your head and be like, all right, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. And just like build up to that. But the only way to prove to yourself that you can do it is by doing it. So fucking do it. Next weekend, if you're listening to this and you feel a similar way that I'm feeling right now about like losing confidence in walking up to girls at a bar or walking up to somebody at a bar that you think is attractive, take this as your motivation to next week, go give it a shot at a bar.

or wherever you are at whatever you're doing if you want to go say hi to somebody go try it what's the worst that happens we said that is that the person rejects you so give it a shot and if you do get rejected okay good you gave it a shot you prove to yourself that you can do it and you have the confidence to do it so now you can now you can do it again honestly once you've gotten rejected once it's much easier the next time so

gets it out of your head, move on, and we'll get there. Hi guys, it's me again. I had some more thoughts on this topic after I recorded this episode, and I'm editing it now, and I just wanted to come back on and say some more things, and it's kinda becoming a habit of mine that I'm coming back on here, so I may put some music on when it's future Josh versus the Josh that recorded this at that time, but I had some more thoughts that I think are really gonna add to this episode, so I wanted to add them in. So welcome, I mean, hi again, I'm back.

You're going to hear me again in another second, but like it's me. So, okay. So I wanted to just say that once you move past the thought that like you may and most likely at times will fall on your face and end up embarrassed. And I talk about my embarrassment a little bit and like, just get like, once you get past the fact of that, you will be embarrassed at some point in going up to girls at a bar or in dating or in rejection, like it is going to happen. So once you face that and realize every everybody's going to go through that, this all becomes so much easier.

Josh Felgoise (16:03.197)

So this kind of kind of comes down to mindset and it's a similar thing around going on dates, going on first dates. It's just, it's, all about going back to your mindset. And I was talking to my roommate about this, not the roommate who was on last week. That was Reed. This was Jordan who will be on a future episode. If you heard my episode with Reed, this would not have come from him. Sorry, Reed, but if you hear Jordan, when you, when you do hear Jordan, you'll understand that like this obviously came from him. But yeah, we were just talking about this episode and like talking to girls at a bar. And I was just saying him how like I,

went to this bar on Friday night and just like fucking couldn't say anything to, I just felt like really awkward and embarrassed when just like going up to these, or like wanting to go up to these girls. like, I hadn't felt this way, like senior year of college or like at all, honestly, not a lot during like the end of college. And he was like, well, that's because like you were like the big man on campus or like as seniors, like we were the big guys on campus.

And it's like a different energy you exude when you feel that way versus now like moving to this new city or moving after college. Like you're back to the start. Like you're back to that kind of freshman year mindset where like all these people have been here more. They all have more experience than you. They know all like more than you. And you're just like the new guy on campus again wherever you are, wherever you moved to. And it's such a good way to put it. I really liked that. He was just like, if you get into the mindset of like

being the big dick on campus, even when you're not like, it will make it so much easier to not care. And I thought that was just really interesting. And it was a really good conversation that we had. I've ever since like creating this podcast, I feel like we've had such great conversations about the topics, which is really cool. Cause that's just like something I think guys don't talk about this shit a lot. And we've started to a lot and it's, it's great. It's just like a really healthy relationship and really good conversations.

And just like being open and honest with each other about like the way we're feeling about this shit And you know if he hadn't had said that to me, I probably wouldn't have given this piece of advice to you so I highly recommend like When you're feeling this way or like having these awkward or uncomfortable like times like talk to your friends about this shit because They'll have some good pieces of advice or they'll be like, you know what? I'm feeling the exact same way and you'll kind of like get to the bottom of it together and be like like that's why we're feeling this way. It's not

Josh Felgoise (18:24.221)

We're not alone in that. We both feel this way. We both feel awkward about this shit. And I thought that was just really cool to have that conversation. So if you're in that place, have a conversation with your friends about this shit. Like, I'm pretty sure it's gonna go a very similar way to this conversation. But the big takeaway there was that just like, if you can get yourself back in that mindset of like, are that, if you have that energy again, like you'll get back to it. So.

It's all about mindset and yeah, that conversation was really great. So thanks for indulging me from the future and back to old Josh from like three days ago. Okay, bye. I think my biggest takeaway from this episode is to, you know, give it a shot. The answer to how to talk to girls at a bar is by going and talking to girls at a bar, building up that confidence in yourself and actually just going to go do it.

I honestly, by whatever, however long this episode has been, I didn't have an answer to that question or the statement, the constitution of how to talk to girls at a bar. I didn't have an answer to that when I started recording this. But I think by talking it out, which is why I'm so adamant about journaling or writing shit out or talking it out to somebody or talking to your phone, whatever, I'm so adamant about it because talking shit through like this.

You find the answer, like internally, with your internal monologue and your own thoughts, you find the answer, you get there. Just as I did right now, you find the answer to the question or like the thing that was bothering you by just like being really honest with yourself about what's up or about why you're feeling the way you're feeling, about why I felt like embarrassed and disappointed in myself that I couldn't walk up and say hi to that girl. I got there and I realized it's just because I'm like, I'm feeling a little bit of a lack of confidence. I haven't done it in a while.

And I've just kind of like lost my energy of doing it. So I have to just get back there Something I'm kind of now. I'm like excited to do it. I'm excited to go go try it again But like I've I've kind of re-motivated my reeva Jesus re-motivated myself with this conversation So I hope you feel the same way after listening to this and if you don't I'm sorry But if you have any other tips about like how to talk to girls at a bar

Josh Felgoise (20:50.365)

Please let me know. My email is josh at guyset.com and if it's easier to like Instagram DM me my account is at the guyset. And yeah, please let me know. I'm curious and if you have a girlfriend that you met at a bar or a boyfriend or whoever the fuck. If you have somebody you met at a bar that you have stayed with and you have a good tip about either if they walked up to you or you walked up to them, let me know. I'll share them on another episode or

come on to the podcast and talk about it with me. I'd love that. Yeah, so, okay, so I think we've gotten there. think the answer to the big question isn't that hard, and it's kind of a simple answer, and it's kind of an annoying answer. So I hope this wasn't a very disappointing episode, and it's just like, uh, how do you talk to girls at a bar? Go talk to girls at a bar. But that is the answer. It sounds dumb, and it sounds like,

a shit ass conclusion to the question, but it's true. So I will update with the next experience or my next like time of how it goes and I'll let you know because that's what I'm doing here. And if you're feeling this way, if you're feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed about not talking to girls at a bar or not knowing how to do it, you know you're with me there. So that's good. But I will update you.

on how my next experience goes. Okay, thanks for listening. If you liked this podcast, I really hope you did, please give it five stars and leave a review and if you're listening on Spotify or Apple podcasts, please follow or subscribe at the top of the podcast page like the podcast profile page. Thanks so much and send any questions, topics, things you want me to talk about or things that just should be talked about to my email josh at guyset.com josh at guiset.com

I'll be sure to talk about it. You can follow GuySet on Instagram and TikTok at the GuySet, T-H-E-G-U-Y-S-E-T and check out the website, GuySet.com for so much more content on all the things I talk about on the podcast, GUISET.com. Oh, shit. Sorry. I think I forgot to say to leave this podcast five stars and our positive review. Thank you so much for listening and I will see you guys next Tuesday. Let's fucking go.