How To Take The Pressure Off Valentine's Day

Somehow we are back again and this upcoming weekend is Valentine's Day. This Saturday, if you didn't know, now you know. And I have had a few different experiences with Valentine's Day over the past few years. I have been single for Valentine's Day most of my life. I have been in a relationship and they-

couldn't be more different experiences. mean, obviously they couldn't be more different because one you're alone and the other one you are with someone and you have to have a plan and all this other stuff. like obviously they're incredibly different, but they're also really different because of the mindset behind them. And this year with Valentine's Day falling on a Saturday, I think it just kind of puts more pressure on everyone. If you're single and if you're in a relationship like

When it's on like a Tuesday or a Wednesday, it's kind of like, OK, like it's just another day of week. Like if you don't have plans on that day, like it's fine. Who cares? Whatever. Like most of the time you don't have plans on a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. So like it's no different. But this one feels particularly pressure full. Like this one feels like it has a very different added layer of pressure for both parties, for both groups of people, for the single people and for the people in relationships. And today I'm going to be talking about

both of those people to both of those groups to the guys that are single and to the guys that are in relationships. And you may ask yourself, well, Josh, how are you going to talk to both of those groups people because they are entirely different situations? And like, yes, of course they are. But the common denominator here and the uniting force on this day of Valentine's Day is the pressure that we place on this day. There is a pressure that I think every guy feels

on Valentine's Day, whether it's to make it happen or to make it right. And what I'm going to attempt to do in this episode is to simplify some of that pressure, ease it a little bit, take some of the pressure off and share a few things or ways that I think will help you take the pressure off or put a little bit of that weight of the pressure down.

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for both groups of people. So whether you are single or in a relationship, I think you will find something of value in this episode. So I'm gonna start with the single guys here because I think the pressure on the single guys is heavier than the pressure on the relationship guys. Because if you're in a relationship and like you don't get Valentine's Day 100 % right, like,

You have a lot of time to make up for it. You have a lot of days that you can make corrections and you can be a better boyfriend and you can show up in different ways or show up in better ways. But the pressure on the single guys and I know this firsthand because I've felt this many times before in the past. In the past few years, I've felt this and there's a pressure around this holiday to have a relationship, to be in a relationship. It's kind of a reminder that you're not. It's like a

pretty heavy reminder that like, you are so fucking single and everybody else is not. And it feels like everybody else around you is not because you open your phone and you see everybody's Instagram posts and you see everybody's stories, Valentine-ing their girlfriends and like saying, I love you. And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. And you're my other half. And then like in reality, they're getting like a huge fight because he bought her like purple flowers instead of pink flowers. And like,

made the wrong reservation or made the wrong time or forgot to make a reservation or like all this shit that like happens in the back end but like you never know because on Instagram or in public they're the happiest couple on earth like there's all these things and these reminders that make you remember just how single you are and this holiday inherently kind of makes you feel worse about the position

that you're in or makes you feel like you've maybe done something wrong or not well enough that resulted in your singledom or like makes you just feel really kinda shitty and that is like the biggest pressure that Valentine's Day gives the single group of people and it's not the truth and it's not the case and we shouldn't be held to a day to make us feel this way but nevertheless it happens, nevertheless it is going to happen and

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I think I'm gonna give you a couple ways to make it a little lighter, make it a little less, because regardless of what I say here, when Saturday comes around, you'll probably feel some of that. I think that makes sense. You're human, you're a normal whatever age guy. It's normal to feel some sort of way about not having what you want right now, or not feeling like you have what you want right now.

When this day comes around, it just makes that a little harder and a little worse. And... It's just the unfortunate part of this holiday. Like, it really is. Like, it's kinda like in-group vs. out-group. Like, if you're in it, you're in it, and if you're not, you really feel like you're not. Now, this could make you feel super shitty. It could really put you, like, in the dumps about yourself. And it could make you feel a lot worse about your current position.

Or you could try your best to let that kind of wash over you. Like that feeling is going to come up because it's inevitable and I've experienced it so I can speak from firsthand experience that it was probably going to come up. And you can try your best to kind of like see it and then not feel it so intensely and let it go a little bit. And I think the best way to do that is to make a plan whether it's with

some single friends that are also available and have nothing else to do and make a plan with them. You could go out to dinner, you could have them over to your apartment for a game night, you could go to the movies, you can do whatever, but I think having a plan or having something to do, it just takes you off of your phone and out of your head for a little bit and it takes you out of the thought or the mindset that you're feeling sorry for yourself or you're feeling bad about yourself. And I think having a plan is the best way to do that.

And if you're you don't want to make plans with friends or you don't have some single friends that are near or that are available, then I think you should make a plan with yourself. Like I think you should watch a movie that you've been meaning to watch or start that show. You've been meaning to start. I think this is a great opportunity and a great time to take up that hobby that you've always been like, I want to learn how to cook this recipe. Like, that's a great time to do that. That's like a

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the like opportune moment to do something that you've been wanting to do or wanting to try or do that thing that you've been thinking about doing. And I did an episode recently called How to Become More Interesting, and it talks all about finding new hobbies and how to find new hobbies. So I feel like that would be a great episode to listen to after this one. If you don't know what to do or if you don't have an idea of where to start with finding a new hobby or finding something.

New to do I really recommend that episode next But I think this is a really good time to either make plans with friends or do something on your own watch a movie Like it's not that big of a deal. It's another night And I know me saying that doesn't make it any easier doesn't make it any better that like you're not with someone else but I think the worst thing to do here is to doom scroll or start kind of

Going mad on hinge like liking everybody and trying to make a bunch of conversations and swiping and starting conversations like that can all wait until tomorrow when this pressure is off a little bit again like this one day makes you feel all of these things and the next day I think a lot of that pressure and those feelings do reside or hopefully they will in the next few days again and because of this pressure we might feel like you need to

get yourself into something or start a new relationship or whatever and that's totally okay like I think it's a really good thing to want to be in a relationship and want to date somebody or go on dates or put yourself out there and I think that is one of the best things that Valentine's Day can do for you it's kind of that like push or that like propeller forward to put yourself out there a little bit more or try a little bit harder put yourself out there in terms of

going on an app or sending out a like or going up to somebody and introducing yourself like it can do that. And it's a good thing to want that. And at the end of the day, I think everybody wants that. But don't force it because this day makes you feel like you need to like chasing love so hard won't make it come any easier. And trying to force something to work won't make it work any better.

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And I think that this day can absolutely be a force to want to go out on more dates. I that's great. But that doesn't necessarily mean that you should then text the girl that you were like, I wasn't really sure about that or settle for something that you're not so sure of or not so happy with just because you feel like you have to or you feel like you should. I think that's kind of like the worst kind of outcome of all of this.

If you go back to like a situation ship from before you text it X or somebody that like you're not seeing anymore or that something went wrong with but you feel like you're supposed to because everybody else is and it's like the same thing as trying to find your next job or understand your career path or make sense of it all like chasing your purpose or your meaning so hard isn't going to make it come any easier or any faster. Actually chasing that thing and obsessing over it makes it

Feel worse makes you feel worse about all of it like it makes you feel like you're so far from it And you have no idea what you're doing or you don't know what you want to do next when you're so obsessed about making it work And you're like squeezing it so hard you're like why isn't this working? And it could lead you to make kind of worse decisions or rash decisions or do something that you otherwise wouldn't do because you feel like you have to or you feel like you're supposed to If you're single right now, I think the best way to reframe this day is to

think about the people you currently love, like the people that you have in your life right now, and let them know. Like I never think, I think it is never a bad thing to let somebody know that you're thinking about them or that you love them or like Valentine's Day doesn't just have to be about like your significant other. And I know like that sounds like, like, come on Josh, but like, I really do believe that I think this is a good way to reframe this day. And I think that spending it with some friends is a really great way to spend this day. I think there are a lot of ways

to reframe this and not make yourself feel so bad about your current position. Reframing is one of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal constantly. It is something that we can always do. We can always look at something a different way. It's the simplest way to understand reframing and it's the most powerful mindset tool we have. It's our ability to think differently, change our pattern of thought.

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directly make something better without any external force just by ourselves. We can just be like, actually like, yes, this day does make me feel worse about myself, but I have a lot of people in my life I currently love right now. And I'm to tell them, yes, this day does make me feel kind of worse about my position, but I have friends I'm going to hang out with tonight, or I'm going to go watch that movie or that show that I've been meaning to watch. Like this is a great time to do that.

Staying in that like shitty position or that shitty feeling is kind of the worst thing that you can do on this day. So get up and get out and like get out of that funk or that mood or that mindset of like the ugh, like this stinks. Also, something else I would recommend against doing is going on a date on Valentine's Day early on because I went on a first date accidentally on Valentine's Day a few years ago and I think that is probably the worst thing you can do.

because it puts again this like super pressure on this date that it's supposed to work. Like I made this date and when I was single, like I didn't think about Valentine's Day. Like it was February whatever and I was like, I'm gonna go out on Thursday and I did not realize that Thursday was Valentine's Day. And the day before I was like, fuck, tomorrow is Valentine's Day, like shit. And I texted her just being like, like LOL tomorrow's Valentine's Day and she was like, yeah, I know. I was like, okay. So I.

ended up like buying a flower off the street, like not on the street, but like off of like one of those like street card vendors, you know what I mean? And I brought it to the date and like, she was like, Oh, like, thanks. That was sweet. And I was like, I think I felt like I had to do like something because like it's like a special day, but like all around us were people on like Valentine's day dates, like people that were in long-term relationships, or at least it felt like they were people that were like much more connected. And we were on this first date, like trying to make conversation and trying to get to know each other. And I just think it adds this like

immense pressure to it. So I would highly recommend going against going on a Valentine's Day first date or like around that time. And I think that, again, like the feeling of wanting a relationship that this holiday can bring is a good thing. Like it's a normal thing to want to be in a relationship, but trying to force one to happen or try to make one work and just trying to like shove two things together is not the best way to go about that.

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And then tomorrow, like the 15th, I'm talking about after Valentine's Day, that's a good time to go back to hinge or back to the dating scene with a clearer headspace around all of this and a clearer understanding that you might actually really want to be in a relationship. And that's a good thing. And now that means you have to figure out how to either develop the confidence to go up to somebody and introduce yourself or the

desire to download hinge or make your profile better or actually take that a little more seriously and not just like passively scroll on hinge. It's a good time to try and start more conversations. Like it's a signal that you want to be in something if you're feeling this way. So use that signal for good. Use that signal to move yourself forward and not just go back to like the, I did want something, but like, I'll figure it out later. Or like, like it's a great.

thing to want to do something or to want to improve your life with a relationship and invite somebody else into your life. Like I think that's an amazing thing that we all have the opportunity to do and this day can make us realize that we want it more than we thought we did or we want to be in something more serious than we thought we did. Like a lot of guys like don't want to do something serious yet or they don't want to like take it so seriously so young or whatever like

Maybe this is a reminder or a kind of like light bulb moment that you do and that's a good thing. And now on to the guys in relationships. I know the pressure to make Valentine's Day great. There is a pressure to make a great plan, impress your girlfriend.

And that's good. Like that is a good thing. That means that you care and you want to impress her and you want to do something nice and make something nice and make her happy. That's great actually. Like that means that you care. It is really great to care. But don't stress yourself out so much that you're worried and anxious the whole weekend and trying to throw all this shit together and trying to make it like amazing that like it ends up being worse because you're not yourself or you're just this like stress ball around all of this. She will love whatever you do because most likely

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She loves you. She will love whatever you do because you put effort in and she'll love you for that. You could make dinner at home or you could take her out. You could buy her jewelry or you could buy her a teddy bear. You could make her chocolate covered strawberries or you could buy her Reese's hearts. You could frame a pictures Reese's, Reese's, however you say it. don't know. I say Reese's, whatever like deal with it.

You could frame a picture of you guys or you could make a picture book. You could write her a card. You should write her a card. Everybody, think like universal rule. Every guy should write a handwritten card. You really can't go wrong here as long as it's done with thought and care. As long as it looks like you didn't do it the day before or the hour before. And it looked like it felt like you were like running to CVS to grab a car and a teddy bear. And you're like, Hey, here like happy anniversary, like happy Valentine's day, not anniversary, happy Valentine's day.

As long as it feels like it wasn't done literally minutes before, she will feel cared for and she will feel the thought and she will feel the care and she will feel the love in that. And she'll love whatever you do. You could have a nice reservation or you could make sushi at home. You could buy her a nice bottle of wine or two and drink that with her that night or make her her favorite cocktail or favorite drink.

You should buy her flowers. think everybody should buy flowers. think like universal rules. think everybody should write a handwritten card, buy flowers and some sort of chocolate candy can be like whatever her favorite candy is. I think those are the three things that like everybody should do on Valentine's Day. It's like simple, it's easy. There's no reason to not do it. It's all available. It's all at your nearest CVS, not sponsored near CVS or Bodega or like literally whatever you have around you.

It is so simple to do those three things. Definitely do those three things. If you do nothing else, do those three, those three things, and she will feel the love from that. Like write a really thoughtful handwritten note, put some time into it, put some effort into it. Show that you actually spent time. Like try not to write with your chicken scratch handwriting, try and write like a little nicer, like sign it love Josh. Like not your name, not Josh, but like you really can't go wrong here. If you try the only way to go wrong.

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is to not put in any effort and throw it together last minute. Or if you forget, like that is the way to go wrong. Actually, there are a lot of ways you can go wrong here. And I'm sure that all of us have examples of ways we've done it wrong, the ways that we've messed up. But like, at the end of the day, there is no messing up like you, you can't go wrong if you put some effort in. And again, like you have now this is Tuesday, so you have Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, you have like three days like that is

of time to get all this together. Like you will have everything together if you put a little bit of thought and care into it. If you go after work today or tomorrow and get all of this before the day of, definitely get this together before the day of. This is your reminder to buy the things for Valentine's Day today. You are still not too late. There is no too late until it is Saturday. Like anything before then, you're still fine. You are still okay.

Just make the time for it and don't save it for last minute. I'm chronically a last minute type person. And now this is also my reminder to like get it today. Today is your day, Tuesday, Wednesday, like make sure it is done today. And I make guides on Instagram and TikTok talking about what to talk about on your date or how to navigate this thing or how to do deal with this certain situation. And of course, because this week is Valentine's Day, I'm a bunch of Valentine's Day stuff.

So I'm going to share here what I'm sharing over there as well. And if you're not following me on Instagram and Tik Tok, you can follow me at guys set podcast and at the guy set on Instagram and Tik Tok. And those are the places that I share everything. And on YouTube at guys set, you can watch this full episode on YouTube. And this is like, it's just like a wow plug. and you can see all of that on there as well. But I want to say it on here too, because I think going through like a list or having a list of things to do, making a little notes app list on your phone is the best way to like

check off everything and make sure you did everything that you wanted to do and you're not like, fuck, I forgot that thing when Saturday comes around. So I wanted to say it on here as well. I'm sorry if anything's repetitive, but like this is, I think a great guide to Valentine's Day. And you can literally take this checklist. Like it is a checklist I have on my phone and you can, as I'm saying it, make this checklist in your phone to do today, tomorrow, the next day. Handwritten card, flowers.

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Chocolate candy, just go to CVS and get like three of her favorite things or get like the candy sweet tarts or whatever, sweet hearts, whatever they have. Cookies, chocolate covered strawberries, that type of thing, like whatever she loves most. Do that, get that by that. Dinner plans, just have a plan. You can totally cook at home or you can have a reservation. I know it's probably like a little bit last minute to get a reservation now, so if you don't have one at this point, probably the best idea is to cook something at home.

Think about whatever her favorite meal is and try your best to replicate it or cook it or cook with her, cook together. I've heard some of my friends do pizza and some of my friends do sushi and some of my friends do like a bunch of these like fun things you can make together. I think those are great ideas. So whatever, pasta, like you can just make something together. I had a friend get a pasta maker and do pasta making on like a huge table. I thought that was super fun.

I think that this is a great opportunity to cook together, to like have fun with it. You have a lot of time on Saturday where it's just going to be you guys. So do something like that and have, have some fun with it. You don't have to have some grand going out plan. Like it totally depends on your relationship. If your girlfriend loves going out, then maybe that's something you should do or you should prioritize. And if you don't have a reservation now, like try your best. but like you don't have to have some grand going out plan. You can just.

do something at home and make it really special and make it really nice and get a bottle of wine and light a candle or two and make it like romantic and do all of the things that you think she'd love. So dinner plan, just have a plan and make it special and cater it to her and to your relationship. Next I have wine and her favorite drink, whatever that is. If she doesn't drink like just whatever you know her best. You know what she wants and what she loves. So get that.

And then next on the list, have rom-com or favorite show. I'm going to also compile a list of like what to watch on Valentine's day. So I'll put that on Instagram or on Tik TOK and YouTube as well. but I think watching a movie you guys have talked about for a while or watching something that you both love or a rom-com is something great to do after dinner. And then after that, you can do whatever you want. And then I think what else to do on this list is

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buy something that she talks about or loves or uses every day. So this can be something like as small as the lip gloss that she uses or the moisturizer or the lotion or the body spritzer spray or the hair clip that she loves or the scrunchie that she uses or the sweatshirt or the sweat set that she's been talking about getting or the one that she loves or the pajamas that she's been like.

Whatever the thing is that she loves or that she uses a lot. I think it's so thoughtful that you went out of your way to pay attention to that to that thing and got her another one of those or got like a new flavor or a new maybe don't get a new flavor because she probably likes the flavor that she has right now. So like don't go out of your way and be like here's this new thing and she'd be like, oh thanks. Like where's the receipt so I can return it and get the flavor I like. So get.

like something that she already has and loves and be like, I know you love this. want to get you another one. Like, I know you use this every day. She'd be like, my God, you pay attention to the things I use. Like, my God, you're paying attention to me. Like, wow, that's so thoughtful. Thank you so much. And it's such a simple thing to do. Like it's a simple way to show that you care and that you love her and that you're paying attention and you're being thoughtful. And then I have on the list, just make her feel loved and like you thought about this before the day before.

That is as simple as it gets. think that is a great guide to Valentine's Day and a way to make this day special and thought through. And then I also put together a last minute Valentine's Day gift ideas. Some of these are going to be repetitive and the same thing as I have in that last list, because that one was just like a here's what to do completely, but here are just gifts to get. At the top, I have handwritten card. Obviously I'm talking a lot about that. I think that's a very special thing to do and I think everybody should do it. Flowers, chocolate, chocolate covered something.

Valentine's candy, that lip gloss she loves, hand cream, moisturizer, body spray, etc. That thing she's talking about buying or the thing that she's thinking about buying, hair clip, hair product, whatever, pajamas, sweatset, Lou lemon, picture book of you guys, I think that's a great idea. A framed picture of you guys from a picture that she loves from the past year that you took together. Jewelry, a teddy bear, like it can be as small as a teddy bear and as big as jewelry. I think anything that you get her, she will love.

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Like if on the day you set up flowers, a bottle of wine, a lip gloss that she loves, a picture of you guys, a handwritten card, like you fucking won. Like you did it. Well done. She will be so happy. She will be so impressed and so thrilled and like over the moon. Like it's not that hard. It's simply not. It's seriously not that hard to do well for this holiday if you are in a relationship.

And if you put a little bit of effort and care into this, like if you get chocolate covered strawberries and a handwritten card and some flowers, like boom, you did it. You did well. So have a have whatever it is that she loves prepared for when she walks in the door or when you go over to her, have it in a bag or a little bin or a whatever the fuck basket like just make it nice, make it presentable, do your best. Like we're all just out here doing our best. She will appreciate the effort that you put into this.

So take the pressure off of yourself. If you're in a relationship, you already did the hard part. Like you're already in a relationship. Just show her that you care. Show her how much you care, how much she means to you. And she will love that. And as I said in the beginning of this episode, this holiday comes with an inherent pressure for every guy at every stage of your life, whether you're just starting dating, whether you've been in a relationship for a long time, whether you're not in a relationship, whether you're looking to be, whether you just got out of one, it's a day that can make you feel

so many things about yourself and it's also a day that can make you realize that you want something that leads you to start putting yourself out there more and trying to be more confident in yourself. It's also a day where you get to realize how many amazing things you have in your life currently. The whole point of this holiday is about love and about the things in your life that you love and the people in your life that you love.

So take a look around at who you're surrounded by, who you're surrounded with, and like take that in, like that's seriously incredible and it may not be what you expected, it may not be what you hoped for. So like you can look at it as I don't have the love that I'm looking for right now or you can look at it as I am so lucky to have what I currently have.

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That is the reframe. It's a day that can make you feel so many ways about yourself and it's also a day to make you realize how much love you currently have. Take the pressure off of yourself knowing that the pressure you feel means you really care about getting this right. And take the pressure off of yourself knowing that the pressure you feel means you want something more for yourself.

That is the episode. Thank you so much for listening to guys set a guys guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh. I'm 25 years old and I'm here every single week, every single Tuesday to talk about what should be talked about for guys. If you liked this episode, I really hope you did. Please like subscribing to this podcast. Five stars. That's one, two, three, four, five stars. Not four, not three, not two, not one. It's five stars. Thank you so much. Do I really, really appreciate that? If you have anything we talk about that should be talked about for guys, head to guyset.com G U Y S E T dot com.

There is an ask me anything box right there. You can put anything on me to talk about anything that should be talked about for guys and I will make an entire episode about it or I will write a blog post about it. I post new blog posts every single day on guyset.com talking about dating about confidence about mindset about lifestyle about all of the things that you're thinking about wondering about that should be talked about all of the questions you have. My goal is to answer all of them honestly.

and realistically and give you my advice, my perspective and the expert opinions of the guests I have on and their perspectives and their opinions and just share them and make people feel more confident and feel a little bit more at ease. That is the whole goal of this and I hope that this episode made you feel that way too. Thank you so much for listening to guys set a guys guide to what should be talked about and I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.