How To End A First Date Respectfully

Josh Felgoise (00:00.398)

Welcome to Guy's Set, the guy's guide to what you should be talking about. I'm Josh, I'm 23 years old, and I'm here to find all the tips, advice, and recommendations for guys in their 20s. Let's get into it.

Josh Felgoise (00:17.998)

Hi guys, welcome back to guyset, the guys guide to what should be talked about. I'm gonna get right into it tonight. Today, whenever you're listening to this, right now it's after a date, it's kinda late at night. And I wanna talk about the date tonight. And I just wanna first start by saying I am never going on a date for the purpose of this podcast. I want to go on a date so it goes well. But if something comes up before or during or after,

that I think I would want to hear as a guy in my twenties, that I would have liked to hear, before or know about, or just know somebody else is feeling that way or has experienced this, just to feel less uncomfortable in it, to feel not alone in it, and to just feel not weird for feeling this type of way or thinking this type of way. so if something comes up on the day before the day after the day, the reason

for this type of thing is to share stuff like that. So the intention here is never to offend any girl I go on a date with or anybody in general. But if I'm talking about something, I'm never going to name names. I will never talk about the exact experience. But I am going to use like personal experiences because that's what I've got. And that's the type of thing I would want to hear from from somebody else.

And what I didn't hear in the first place, which is again why I started something like this. So that's all to say I went on a date tonight, a first date. I haven't gone on a date, a first date in a minute. and yeah, I had, I've, I kind of took a little bit of a break from hinge. I just thought it like I had gone on a couple and they just like, were like very, they were good, not great. They were okay. Nothing so bad that like I had to take like, I just had to take like a step back or something, but no, I just was like,

Okay, like let me just take a sec, let me chill. And it's been like maybe like a month or two and I'm just kind of ready to get back into it. So I went on a date tonight. It's Wednesday night, which is one of the days that I recommended in that like first date guide podcast, which I think is great. I think it's just like a very casual night, very casual day during the week, not too much riding on it. And

Josh Felgoise (02:37.123)

We met at this place around nine, which is really late. I got back from a work trip late, work trip, so cool. I got back from a work trip kind of late today. It's a first work trip. I probably won't go on another one, but I got back kind of late and just wanted to make sure I would make it on time, be able to like shower, change, whatever. So it was at nine. So sure, I was a little bit tired going into it, but I'm that I don't think that was the reason that it didn't go well.

And I think the title is this episode is gonna be like how to respectfully end the date or how to Yeah, I guess that's right. That's that's gonna be it because that's that's the kind of the problem I had tonight and I've talked about ghosting I've talked about like a date going badly or like not like following up but I've never talked about during it and I want to talk about that because it's the first time I've experienced something like this where like It was a really nice conversation

but I didn't see it going anywhere. I don't know if she did. She talked a lot more than I did and I talk a fucking lot. have a podcast and I think it's important that like obviously both, both people talk a very like even amount. And if I catch myself talking too much, I will like definitely take a step back and start asking more questions. But I just found myself being the question master on this date and

her like not really following up with questions back or just like following up with more stories and more things, which is amazing. I think that's like, that's like the ideal scenario because you want somebody that's going to be talking a lot. You want somebody that's as talkative, energetic, excited to be there. And not somebody that's just like, like the drinks good. Like thanks. Thanks. Like we're watching a restaurant in the city. Like you want somebody that's involved and excited.

but this was like another level of talkative. And I think a lot of that comes from nerves. I don't blame her at all. I, I felt during it that she was kind of nervous in the beginning and I tried to like ease the situation as much as I could just by being very chill and like, yeah, not, not putting any pressure on the situation. And I think the way to do that for, from my perspective at least is just to be like, like what drink do you want? Like, how long have you lived here?

Josh Felgoise (04:59.513)

Where you live in the city? What, what do you do? And just like, kind of start, I asked the questions first to make them more comfortable that they don't have to feel like they have to go through their roster of questions of like TV shows and celebrities they met in the city and random shit that they're, they have in the back of their head in case they run out of things to say. So if I feel that, that she's nervous in the beginning of the day, I like to start by asking questions. We're both nervous. It's a first date. Obviously everybody's nervous.

but I could just tell it was, it was more of a one-sided nervousness tonight at least. and I found out that she moved to the city recently and I understand all of this totally. Like it, it makes sense. that, that like, it's, it's just a nervous thing. When I went on my first couple of dates, I was just, I was kind of like a wreck before and then figured it out as I went on. and now it's been a year in the city and I've gone on a couple of first dates more than a couple and just have it, it, it, it comes with time. So

I got all the juice nervous and I don't fault her for that, but it was just like so one sided. Um, and then when the waitress came back and asked if we wanted a second drink, she was just like, yeah, like absolutely without just like, you know, like usually you want some to be like, Hey, like, do you want a second? Like what's, what's the vibe like here? Should we, should we do another one? She was just like, yeah, like let's do it. And just like, without even like asking me. And I would have cut it after the first and been like, been like, actually like I'm really tired. I'm,

getting up kind of early tomorrow or not tired. I that's kind of rude, but been like, I'm getting up really early tomorrow. I've got a long work day. I think that's just like a very nice way to end it. And that is, I want to say like the first tip, the first respectable or respectful way to end it, that you're not like being a douche or just being a dick on the date. You're just being like, yeah, like I have a long day at work tomorrow. Wanna wanna I have to get up early, like one of like hit the gym and prepare before work. I think that's a really respectable thing to do. I don't think that

makes you a dick at all and I would, I was attempting to do that had she not had said yes to the second drink. So then of course I didn't want to, I didn't know what to do in that scenario. I've never been in that scenario where like we haven't like both consulted each other before the second drink. And I wasn't going to be like, actually I'm good. Cause then I would, I feel like she would have been like, no, like I'm good too. Like nevermind. And then that would have just been like a really awkward ending, which maybe in hindsight would have been fine.

Josh Felgoise (07:18.051)

because I don't think there's gonna be a second date and I don't know if we're gonna keep in contact. excuse me, but maybe that would have been fine, but that wasn't the case. I just kind of panicked a little bit and I was like, fuck it, I'll get another one too. And I finished my second drink before she was like three fourths of the way done with hers. And that wasn't because I drank it so fast or I'm an alcoholic. It was just because I didn't know what to do. And I was just like sitting there listening. It was just like story time.

So I was sitting there with an empty drink and she still had three fourths. And I was like, what the fuck do I do? Like, how do I, how do I end this respectfully? and just be like, want to, I want to go home. I also didn't know what time it was. because I really don't like to check my phone during dates. I just think that I like to remain present and, and especially if it's going well, I just want to like be in that moment and act and, and be, yeah, not act like I'm there, just be there. which I think is important. Another tip. but

what I did, which I would recommend, it was just something I thought of in the moment. We ended up talking about like books or like TV shows, something random. I don't know how it came up, but she was like, like you have to watch this TV show. And I was like, wait, let me write it down in my notes. So then I pulled out my phone and it was just like a reason to pull up my phone. And then I saw it was about an hour and a half since the date started, which is a long first date. Like that's not, not long, but like that's a very reasonable length for a first date.

especially for one that like from my side wasn't going that well. was just like a lot. So I pulled out my notes app and just like wrote that down. And then I kind of like had, and then I could have been like, it's actually 10 30. I have to get up early tomorrow. I didn't realize the time. Like let's, let's head out. This was really nice. In that moment she was like, I have to go to the bathroom. All good. So I got the check. And then when she came back from the bathroom, I was like,

Hey, I got the check so we're all good to go. And just, called it right there and I thought that was just like a good way to end it. I was, I was happy with that, but I think had I, had I not done that or I would have done it differently and, pulled out my phone earlier to like write something down and be like, Oh wait, let me like check. If we were talking about like a trip or we got the conversation to like a trip, like, Oh, I want to show you a picture from this trip or something random, pulled out my phone to check it then.

Josh Felgoise (09:39.963)

and then saw the time and I was like, shit, like it's actually kind of late. I gotta get up early. So I think it all goes back to like using the, the work day excuse tomorrow, which is again, why I recommend going on a first date on like a Wednesday or a Thursday. It's that's another like great reason for this. I, I, I'm going to think of like other, other ways to end it respectively. I honestly, like, I probably could have just been like, Hey, like I

I've loved getting to know you like, let's, let's, I don't know. Honestly, I don't fucking know because I was in this moment and I was like, what the fuck do I, in my head, she was telling a story and I'm like, I feel bad admitting this because it makes me sound like a dick and I'm not, or I don't, I like to think I'm not, but she was telling a story in my head. was like, how do I end this nicely cordially, without, again, without being a dick, but like, how do I end this? And I really wasn't like listening for a second.

And by the time I stopped thinking that thought, like she was still going on with the story and I was like, okay, I didn't miss anything. I'm not, I can still respond to the ending of this story, but had I, I guess I could have been like, actually I'm, I'm, already after the first drink. I've got an early day and maybe that would have ended it nicely. but I, again, it comes back to the early day thing. So if you have another tip or you have a first date experience where you just like,

ended it nicely. I'd love to hear what you did. I've really never been in this scenario where like, we're both not on the same page. Usually I feel like both both parties are like, yeah, like first drink was great. Like this was great. This was a lot of fun. Or like after the second drink, we're like, okay, like, let's hit it. Like, this was this was easy. This was nice. And then after that, so so we left, I got the check, I told her that I got the check. And I could tell that it was like a bit of like, she was like, okay.

which I felt bad about, I did have to end it at some point. and then I, she lived not too far from me. So I like walked toward where she was walked toward our, I was, and I was like, all right, I'm to head that way. Like really great to meet you. Like gave a hug, like headed our separate ways. And I think that was a fine way to end it again. I'm new to all this. I like, I'm not sharing any of this as if it's like expert opinion or like,

Josh Felgoise (11:59.175)

do as I say because I like that's not that's not the point of this episode or any of these podcast episodes, especially the solo ones. It's more so just to like share that somebody else is here going through similar things. If you go on a date and it's it's not going well, like hopefully you can remember this and be like, OK, like, you know what, Josh experienced something like that, too. I'm not alone in this. I shouldn't feel uncomfortable or weird for like having this feeling or figuring out how to end this now.

So yeah, that's the real kind of crux of this episode is that I've never really been in a scenario where I want to get out of it respectfully because she was super nice. She was cute. was just wasn't going. Like we started talking about like star signs and I was just like, all right, this is that. This is the end of this one. And again, like first dates are.

great experiences. Every single first date is a great experience. Specifically, something like this where I'm, I had this realization of like, fuck, I need to learn how to end this respectfully. I could have ended it four minutes ago and save both of us a good amount of time. And, and hopefully did not like lead her on and think that I, you know what I mean? Like I, I wanted to end it when I earlier and I should have looking back at it. But like, these are all learning experiences. They're all just like,

as I've said before, like dating is a numbers game and it's important to like get, get these numbers. Like you have to, you have to go on dates to, to experience that's, that is, that is something so special. just said that means absolutely fucking nothing. You have to, start, you have to just like put yourself out there on a date to, to learn about this, to learn about yourself, to learn, when it's going well, when it's not how to keep a conversation. And like what I've learned in the past year is

when to and in the beginning of dating, like I was so, so, so bad at letting a moment go by in silence. I would just fucking fill that gap with some something. I would just speak and you know, I might have been how that girl was on the first date. Wow. Well, okay. That definitely was how she was tonight. Um, and just like spewing being a nervous person on it. Um, and this all comes with time. So I think now I'm, I'm able to like leave

Josh Felgoise (14:25.213)

gaps of silence without feeling like I need to fill it with words or just like jump in. I can sit in, sit in that silence and be comfortable with it. And I also feel like I know how to steer a conversation well. If a topic is just like ending or becoming more dull, I feel like I can just ask a question or a leading question that jumps away from it. Yeah, but I just wanted to like go back to some other topics that I brought up tonight for

anybody that's going on dates. we talked about, and I've said this before, but I just want to re reiterate in case you don't know what to talk about on a date. We've talked about like restaurants we've gone to, bars, books, TV shows, what her birthday was recently. So we talked about like what we've done for our birthdays, like a favorite birthday, siblings, jobs, a lot on her job. We talked about, we talked about like majors, college.

just like a bunch of topics like that. But I just wanted to again reiterate that like I'm never coming on, never going on a date to get a story like this or to get an experience like this, but it just comes with it. It comes to the territory of going on stuff like this or putting yourself out there. I have also taken like a little bit of a break and forgot that like dates can be bad. Like.

That's okay. That's part of the game. That's not game. That's part of it So if you're in that mode of like I want to start dating I don't know when to start or how to start just fucking do it put yourself out there You are gonna have times like this that just fall flat I spent a ton of money on the date and was just like damn like that I could have spent that other ways, but you know, I can't you can't look at things like that because

had it gone amazing and had it gone to be an amazing date, I would have spent that in a heartbeat and I'll spend it again and again. I think don't look at it like that. I'm telling myself this as well. I need to practice what I preach a lot more. yeah, I think that's a respectful way to leave a first date. If you have other ways, let me know. And I hope the next one goes better. But

Josh Felgoise (16:44.537)

it's it's important to to fall on your face sometimes and you know I'm I also I was thinking about like if if she texts me or if I should text her and I don't want to ghost and this is again like advice for my own fucking playbook I don't want to ghost but I don't know if after a first date I should just text and be like hey

I had a really nice time with you, but I don't see going away. Yeah, you know what? Fuck it. I am going to do that because I that's just a nice thing to do. I don't want to leave her her sitting waiting or or or not, even if she isn't sitting waiting and she also thinks it went terribly. I still think it's a respectful thing to do. So I am going to do that probably sometime tomorrow and just say, hey, like, had a really nice time with you tonight or last night. But I don't see this going any further.

Hope you enjoy the city or something we talked about blah blah blah like hope you enjoy the job. I don't fucking know whatever but something that's just nice easy. Yeah I think I'm going to do that because I've talked about not ghosting and how it feels to be ghosted and it feels fucking terrible so I am going to do that. What up it's me again popping in the night before I post this just to let you know that I did not do that and I couldn't put this out without telling you that I didn't do that because that would be lying and that's not what I'm doing here.

But do I regret not doing that? Yeah, I should have done that. said that I wanted to, I like debated it in my head. After I recorded this, I had like the draft of the text written out. No, I didn't. Why am I lying? Why am I literally lying? Why am I literally lying? But I wanted to do it and I had it like the drafted in my head. So was like half lying. It wasn't really like, I had it in my head and I didn't do it because I was like, you know,

It's not really ghosting because we only went on one date. I think ghosting is after like two or three dates if you don't give them a reason. I think one date is okay. I'm still really debating this because not knowing why or not hearing back from somebody does really fucking suck. But after one day, like I don't think you have that much of a connection or like a, um, responsibility to that person. So I think after one date it's okay not to, this is my opinion. I don't know what you think about it. Um, I'd love to hear what you think about it. Uh, yeah.

Josh Felgoise (19:04.017)

So I didn't and I don't know if I should have or not, but I didn't and I didn't want to put this out without telling you that I didn't actually do what I just said I wanted to do or was going to do. So yeah, being real and back to the episode. Okay, bye. Well, not actually bye bye from this Josh and back to original Josh. Okay, I'm ranting now and I'm probably going in circles, but I hope if you're dating that your dates go well and if they don't just

kind of take them as like a learning experience or just an experience in general that you have, you've learned something about yourself and try to pull what you've learned. And then not obviously, you don't have to make a podcast about it, but like maybe write it down or put it your notes app or write it in like a notebook or a journal and just be like, you know, I learned tonight that I actually am better at asking questions than I thought, or I can keep a conversation better than I thought, or I

can leave those silences like I couldn't before. And it's just a, it's nice to see that your confidence builds over time for me specifically, like feeling that I could leave those silences tonight. Sorry, I'm talking in circles, but feeling like I leave that silence tonight, just like I was like, okay, I've, I've improved in that. Like that's a conversational thing and a date thing that I'm unhappy I've learned and feel comfortable doing. So if you have something like that or

try and extract something if it's a bad date and make it worth your time. I'll let you know when there's something to talk about again from a date. I'm not doing, again, I don't want to cause any trouble with anybody who I ever go on a date with or if they ever listen to this or a friend sends this to them. That's never the intention and if you do ever listen to this and I went on a date with you and I don't know. I don't fucking know. I hope that it, I don't know. I'm gonna redo that.

I left that in because I thought it was funny and I'm already on here recording on top of this so I left that in for your enjoyment. Okay here's another one. And this second attempt to not get canceled by my dates is just as sloppy as the first one but I do mean it. I do genuinely mean this. So I guess let me try. Here we go. Again never my intention to offend anybody I go on a date with. I that would be a really awful way to date in New York City if I was coming on here every time just like trashing dates I went on or shitting shitting on girls. That's not the intention.

Josh Felgoise (21:24.354)

Obviously I want to go on a lot more dates and that would be a way to go about that. So not the intention but I want to share the experiences that I have from dates with you. Yeah, see, told you it was just as sloppy as the first try but I did try. I was trying to be genuine because I am genuine. I'm not trying to be. But anyway, if you go on first dates, good luck. And if you have any other questions about first dates or dating,

Please send them into my email josh at guyset.com so I can talk about them on here for everybody else to hear and embarrass myself like I did this entire episode. Okay, bye. If you liked this podcast, I really hope you did. Please give it five stars and leave a review and send any questions, topics, things you want me to talk about or things that just should be talked about to my email josh at guyset.com j-o-s-h at g-u-y-s-e-t.com.

and I'll be sure to talk about it. You guys want to hear something also like really super cool. You can also follow guyset on TikTok and Instagram at the guyset. T H E G U I S E T. You can also check out the website guyset.com for so much more content on all of the topics I'll be talking about on here. shit. Sorry. I think I forgot to say to leave this podcast five stars and our positive review. Thank you so much for listening and I will see you guys next Tuesday. Let's fucking go.