How To Advocate for Yourself at Work

Today I want to talk to you about what I have been learning at work recently. And I'm not talking about like sequel or like excel or like, no, none of that. I'm not talking about like any of those hard skills because I don't know any of them. But what I am talking to you about, what I want to talk to you about today

is more so like those soft skills and the things that you can't really learn anywhere else that's not a job that you feel challenged by or challenged in and when I say soft skills I mean things like how to talk to people and how to act in a new setting and how to conduct yourself how to defend yourself how to stand up for yourself how to talk about your work how to present your work

and how to talk about your value. And I think these are all things that you have to learn on the job. these aren't things that somebody can teach you or that you can learn without having to go through an experience where like, I don't know, you either fuck up and you learn from that mistake or you're put into a position where you don't know what to do and you have to figure it out on the fly. And I think that's been a lot of what my past four years of work experience

have been, it's just like learning from the mistakes that I've made and making a lot of mistakes in order to get better and to learn in the first place. My boss recently left like two months ago and that meant that there was gonna be a shift in who I report to and my role and responsibilities like as a whole in the company.

So when she left, knew I was gonna have to have a conversation with my new boss, which is the CEO of the company, which is like, because I work at a startup, I work at a small company. So that's, that's the shift in power or the kind of assumed shift in power. And I knew this conversation was going to come up pretty quickly right after she left. And I was scared shitless about it because I was like, I don't, I don't think like without her here, without my previous boss here,

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I don't really know how I fit, how I'm gonna report to him. I don't really know his managerial, is that the right word? Managerial style. I don't know what he expects of me and how I can really prove myself to him. So I didn't know what I was gonna say when I had that conversation. So when that conversation got put onto my calendar, it was for the Monday after she decided to leave, and I have a really good relationship with her. I'm actually getting dinner with her tomorrow.

which is amazing. I feel like that's a dream relationship to have with a boss. Somebody that is now a formerly boss, that former boss that becomes a mentor to you in your career and your life. you can actually just ask serious, ask real questions to and ask serious questions to somebody that's outside of your family and somebody that you really trust. So I feel so fortunate and lucky to have that relationship with her. That's just like a total side note. So after she left, I had this conversation.

put on my calendar and I was freaking out about it because I didn't know what I was going to say and this was about like a month and a half ago now and I am now like I now feel like I understood what happened and I'm far away enough from that conversation to tell you about it and I originally was going to tell you about it like the day after it happened but I was like no like let me make sure I can actually do the job and don't end up being like fired or quit no it wasn't gonna quit but like that I don't end up getting fired

in those two months after that conversation before I came on here to tell you about it, because that would be so fucking awkward if I was like, yeah, I had this great conversation and blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I was like, so the next step of the title is like, I was fired from my job. So I wanted to wait a little bit to make sure I could do the job that I like said I could and and like actually, I don't know, fall into place with those responsibilities that I that I said I would. So.

You can bet your ass that I spent a chunk of that weekend like before that Friday, Saturday, Sunday, kind of tweaking about what this conversation was gonna be like and how I would present myself. And it wasn't until around like Sunday night, and I'm always last minute so like that makes sense for me, but like it wasn't until around Sunday night that I realized I didn't think I actually had anything to be nervous about. And I had just spent my previous like two or three days tweaking for really nothing.

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because I realized that I actually was good at the job I was doing and I knew that but like it takes a second for you to be like, alright, here's what I did, here's what I've done and here's what I can do and here's what I bring to the table at this place. So it wasn't really around Sunday, till around Sunday night where I was like, I felt like I actually have been doing a good job and maybe I could actually start with that and I could lead the conversation myself and

say all of these things and present myself in a way that really showed what I bring to the company before he could even start talking and before he could even kind of like give me a line of questioning. And maybe instead of going into this conversation like on my back foot where I would have a year ago just been like super nervous waiting for him to ask the questions that I could come in with like a set of things that I have done and have brought to the company to show him my value.

And I wanted to be able to go in there and like talk about my accomplishments so far that I have accomplished with my boss and on my own in that year, year and a half that I've been at the company. So I thought like, you know what, I might as well bring in three examples with me of things that I've done that not only like are impressive or show my value.

but things that have directly impacted the company in a positive way, of course, not just impacted them for like, but like impacted the company in a way that led that like reached helped the company reach their goals, if that makes sense. And that would then show the value that I bring. And maybe I could also even like attach numbers to those examples to really illustrate what I've done. So that's what I did. And one of the things I've learned in the past year and a half,

Is to present yourself as the person that can accomplish the task and also the person that has. You know, I'm not saying to like to take credit for everything or like take credit for somebody else's work because that's a really shitty thing to do and I've been on the other end of somebody doing that actually like many times so far in my past two jobs. So never obviously do that. But I'm saying like instead of saying how can I help you? It's like what can I do for you?

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And instead of saying like, did this period, it's like the thing I did or the project I initiated brought this to the company or brought this to the, I was gonna say cap table. I don't even know what that is. Brought this to, brought this many leads or generated this many conversions. Whatever your metric is at your company. Like I could go on a tangent of listing things, like listing the goals that companies have, but like, you know what I mean. Led to your OKR.

I don't even know what OKR is. Actually, yes, I do. shouldn't say that. If somebody is listening for my company, I know exactly what an OKR is. I made them recently. I don't really know what it stands for, to be honest. let me check. OK, OKR, meaning. Each company I've had has these things. It's like goals, objectives, and key results. So, key results. I knew what that meant, by the way. Anyway, ladders up into your OKRs. Like whatever corporate speak you guys use, you know what I mean.

So, where was I going with that? totally got lost by acting like I knew what that was, but I didn't. What was that? okay. I was trying to say that like, to position yourself as somebody that can really get that shit done, or has gotten that shit done before. So I thought of three examples of projects I've worked on and initiatives that I was either part of or started.

and attached what they brought to the company. So an example of this would be like, I brought this thing to my boss and said, what if we did this and then defended it with the reasoning for the company and the potential impact it could have for the company. And then I was able to execute on that and then show the revenue that it brought back to the company over time or the ROI of that project return on investment, Jesus. And you know, the

sounding smart to not sounding smart, like, you know, we get there sometimes. But what I brought back to the company and show how much the company was able to gain in terms of leads or deposits or conversions because of this specific initiative. So I brought three of those things to that meeting to be able to talk about the value that I have actually brought to the company. And instead of just kind of like anecdotally being like, yeah, I worked on this project and it was great. Like it was super successful. I was able to be like,

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I started this project and I defended the reasoning for it because of this. When we executed on it, it ended up bringing in this amount back to the company and to like really show that it was successful. So instead of me saying like, this was a successful thing, you're welcome. It's like me being like, here are the numbers or the data to back and defend what I'm saying. And I've learned that a lot of people are very data driven and very numbers oriented.

I'm not. I am the exact opposite of that. Like that is my... I'm terrible with that stuff. So this does not come easy to me whatsoever. But I feel like, and what I've learned is that putting this stuff behind what you're saying kind of makes it foolproof. Like they can't be like, no, you didn't bring this value or no, like you're not a contributing part of this team. The numbers speak for itself. Like the data speaks for itself. So if you can kind of get good at being like, hey, this brought this...

thank you, you're welcome, goodbye, like that's the end of the conversation. It's kind of like putting your the table. It's like, hey, I did this, you're welcome. Like, there's nothing else you can say to make me feel like I didn't do a good job or make me feel less confident in this. And it kind of sounds intense when I say all of this or like the fact that I brought these three different things because like it is.

And you are presenting yourself and you're trying to show for yourself what you did, back your work, defend yourself and defend your value in a way. And this was also around the time of a promotion conversation or a raise conversation. And I think all three of these types of conversations like have the same kind of formula or framework that like you can proactively bring to it. Like you can prepare with a couple things like I did with

two or three things that show your value before you even ask for it. So you're kind of like sandwiching the conversation into like, hey, here's what I did asking for this thing and then being like, and here's what I'm going to do. Here's what I'll keep delivering on. Here's what I continue to bring, what I'm actively working on and what I know will be successful or what I hope will be successful. So I think like that type of framework, it's something that I,

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kind of figured out while I was having the conversation, I thought it was really successful and I wanted to share it with you because there's nowhere else to learn these types of tips. You can listen to tons of podcasts with CEOs or with really successful entrepreneurs or really successful people, but nobody's really talking about it at this level, or at the kind of like analyst or whatever level we're all at right now, whatever level you're at.

These conversations aren't really being talked about or how to have these conversations with a boss, how to navigate the conversation where you have to go in and talk about your work confidently while trying not to sound like braggy or douchey about it and also still maintain that level of confidence and like, hey, I am good. Like I'm good at what I do. And like you're lucky to have me while also

maintaining that like thank you for having me here. It's a really weird like song and dance that we have to do but nobody's really talking about it. So I hope this is helpful and like effective in giving you the framework that I used to go into a really awkward and kind of scary conversation that I'm like nobody taught me how to have and there is no class in this. There is no guidebook in what to say to a boss and also like every

Every person, every boss you're going to have, every manager has a super different personality and level of attention and care. Some are really data driven, some are more anecdotal. It just depends on the person you're working with and being able to adapt to that person's needs or that person's requirements for you I think is a really beneficial soft skill to learn. This boss is super different than my last boss and is super different than my last boss at the other company.

I had like four bosses at the last company. They all had super different managerial, there it is again, managerial styles. And they all kind of like asked for different things in different ways for it to be presented. So being able to adapt to that I think is a really great thing to learn. And it's something that you can kind of always continue to work on. So even if you feel like you're kind of hitting a roadblock in your work and you don't feel like you're learning at your company, you don't feel like you're growing, I think this is a way

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that you can shift that perspective and be like, I can actually grow in this because maybe I could be better about presenting my work or maybe I could be better about showing my value. And it just depends on your boss or your manager for like how you can navigate that. I don't know if that last part made sense, but the rest of it did. And again, like I say this all not to brag, like I sure as shit hope it doesn't sound like I'm bragging about any of this because like to be fully honest with you, I

did not know how to do this like three months ago. I was gonna say a year ago because I had this type of conversation with my boss, the big boss, like three months into the job, maybe like two or three months into the job when I first started. And he kind of asked me like, hey, how is it going? How are things?

And I had no idea what to say because I didn't know that he was kind of looking for this same framework of like, I am working on this. I have so far brought this to the table. What I did here led to this and I'm now going to start actively working on this. Like I didn't know that that was how you were supposed to present yourself or your work. And again, like it just depends on the person you're presenting to. But I think for the most part, that type of thing works with people.

especially if you add some numbers and back it with some data. So when he asked me that, like, I had no idea what to say. And I think I'll role play that conversation with you for in a second. Like, I think that that would be good to like, just show you how much I did not know about a year ago. But I like say all of this because I didn't learn any of this until I was thrown into it. And until I had that like,

Sunday night anxiety of what am going to say tomorrow? And I talked to my sister about it I talked to my brother about it and I had like separate conversations with people about like, how should I present myself and how should I present my work and how should I let him know that I am a valuable employee of his and that like, he's going to really benefit from keeping me at this company. And it wasn't until I had to literally be in that position that I was like, all right, now I'm at the like, I'm against the clock.

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let me now figure out the formula and the framework for how to have this conversation and how to really like present myself and talk about my worth. And I think this was probably one of my favorite experiences I've had at my job so far, which is funny to say because it was probably also the one that brought the most anxiety because it's not a project or a proposal. Like this isn't something that I can actively put on a resume and be like, hey, I learned this at this job. It's not something tangible that I can really show for.

Myself at this job. It's not like a piece of work or something that I can just show you it's it's not it's more so the confidence that I gained to speak about myself and speak about my value and my worth and Present myself like I think that is a kind of like an invaluable skill and I think it is one that Everybody at this level whether you're just get out of college whether you're 30 whether you're 35 like I think it's something

maybe that's a little bit old for that. Maybe by then you should probably know it. maybe like somewhere out of college to 26, 27, like I think, I don't know, I'm not gonna give ages. You are on your own timeline. You can figure it out whenever you wanna figure it out. But I think I've now figured that out. And that is something that I think came after four years of work experience. Like, of course I've had to present myself before and talk about my value and have these conversations of like a six month review or a year review. We all have to.

do that and defend why we belong there and why they should keep us there at so many different times in all of our jobs, but I didn't feel confident in that ability until this time. And I think that's also to say, like, if you don't feel confident in that yet, that's totally okay. And if it takes you three years to find that, if it takes you five years to find that, if it takes you six, like, it doesn't really matter as long as you continue to try to find it.

And as long as you continue to work at that, and I may be thrown into this experience again in four months from now and totally flop because I thought I had it all together, but like what I presented wasn't actually as good as I thought it was. That's OK. As long as I feel like I did what I could and I felt confident in what I was saying, I think that's the most important thing because I came into this confident, not confident. I came into this conversation. No, yes, confident. But that wasn't the word I was going for. I was going for conversation.

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I came into this conversation excited to talk about what I was about to talk about. Instead of coming in and being like, yeah, like things are good. yeah, yeah. Like I came in being like, hey, yes. So no, no, I was, I was more like, yes. I came in being like, no, hold on. So I will be the boss and then I will also be Josh. So I'll be playing both roles of boss and Josh. And this is about a year ago. So

And it also wasn't a scheduled review. was just like a quick checkup. was like a 30 minute conversation into, I guess it was a review, but it wasn't really scheduled. It was kind of like sprung upon me. And I'm going to give myself, my younger self, like a little bit of credit because I wasn't prepared for this. I didn't know what I was supposed to say. And I was just making shit up on the fly. So I'll show you me and boss. Action.

Well, if you're not watching on video. Okay, when I say boss, I'm over here. When I'm Josh, I guess I'll use a lower tone for boss. Okay, action. Josh, how are things going? Josh, how have things been going so far in this role? Okay, now me. Well, you know me. Okay, me. You know, things are good. Like, things are moving. Things are good. Things are progressing. Like, we're making it happen. Like, yeah, like I'm working on this. I'm working on this.

I'm excited to be here, super like energized, I think I've had really great conversations, I've met a lot of really good people, I think the team you have here is awesome, like, and I was just really excited, like I was just like, yeah, like things are good. So Josh, what are you working on? Like he obviously did not really give a shit about what I was saying, I was just, he was like, okay, this kid's annoying, like what is he doing? What are you doing for me? So Josh, what are you working on?

you know the things we talked about in our meeting this past week like I'm working on this and I'm working on this and yeah like I feel really good about the progress I've made so far and I was also talking really fast you know me I talk fast sometimes so I was talking really fast I was totally not prepared for this conversation and I was just like yeah like I'm working on this and this and I really I think there's a lot in store for this I'm excited for what we have planned

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So, I'm looking forward to seeing more results from you. Yeah, yeah, I can do that. I'll show you the results. No, no, I mean, I want to see like what you're doing, the impact you're having on the company. I want to see what you're actually bringing to the table. I want to see, I want to see numbers. I want data. Yeah, yeah, I could do that. could do numbers. I could do data. I'm good. I love numbers. I love data. I mean, the conversations.

I don't know if I'm explaining it well, but the conversations were night and day compared. that conversation I had a year ago when I was just like, I can do numbers, I love numbers, I'm made of numbers. I was just like, I had no idea what the fuck I was supposed to say and was not, I was just kind of like flailing around and I was sweating and I was just, I wanted to get out of there so badly. Like, I just did not know what he wanted from me, what the expectations were and what I could say to impress this person.

And I left that conversation being like, fuck, like I am going to get fired. Like he thinks I'm doing nothing. And I also was doing a lot. Like I felt really like stretched thin because I was doing so many things. But because of that, I didn't have like a specific couple of initiatives or projects or things to talk about. So it sounded like I was doing nothing because I was talking about everything. And that's like quantity over quality a lot of the time.

And I now feel like I know what somebody is looking for when it comes to those types of conversations. And it's kind of like in an interview when somebody asks you a question, they want you to say the answer to their next question without having to ask it. So if they were to ask about a recent project you worked on, they don't want you to just be like, I worked on this, smile. They want you to be like,

I worked on this that led to this and it brought the company this and then smile Like they don't want to have to be like, okay So like what did that lead to or okay? Like how did that impact the company? They want you to have that answer fully fleshed out so they can go on to the next topic like they want you to have a paragraph prepared about what that initiative

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then led to for the company and the impact you solely were able to have for them to show your worth. And I think these conversations are pretty similar to those types of interviews because they're still asking for what you did and they want you to be able to talk about it without having to be like, so what did that do? Or like, what did that create for us? And these conversations are incredibly nerve wracking and intimidating. Like I was really anxious going into it.

And to be honest, these conversations, for at least me, are incredibly nerve wracking and intimidating. Like, I think this was the first time that I wasn't nervous throughout all of it. I was nervous going up into it. Up into it. I was nervous going into it. I was nervous, like, for the morning before it. But when I was there, I felt confident in what I was saying. No, I was scared as shit going into it, like, to be fully honest with you. But when it came time to, like, speak and present

myself, I felt prepared because I knew what I was saying was true. And I knew I wasn't just bullshitting like I was before or like I have before. And I wasn't just like making shit up. I didn't feel the need to just make anything up on the fly because I had examples prepared and I knew what I wanted to say and that I wasn't like I wasn't lying like and I think there's something everyone can point to.

in their job that can replace that bullshit with the confidence and make you feel confident in what you're saying. Whether it's one project, whether it's two, like I think when you think hard enough about what you've done in this past year of your company, whether it's a month, six months, a year, whatever it is, two years, I think you can point to two or three examples that can make you feel more confident in your ability. And I think you lose that confidence over time because you forget that thing you did or that

project that you worked on. And that's why I think updating your resume regularly is a good thing, because then you're constantly reminding yourself of the most impactful projects that you're working on. And I feel like there's a point in every job where you feel like you stop learning or growing, and most people only consider the hard skills when they think about learning and growth.

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They think about the fact that they've stopped growing in their role or they're doing the same thing again and again for what feels like months and the role has grown stale and like there's no real growth path or opportunity for improvement and there's no one to teach them anymore and I think that every job reaches that point at some point. But what we don't consider are these soft skills like learning how to swim in the water.

how to act in the room, how to talk to the boss, how to react to the coworker. Because there's always more to learn there. And I don't think there's ever really a point where you can stop learning in that field. There are always ever-changing dynamics. There's always a new coworker or a new boss that has a different personality or a new work ethic or a different expectation. So if you feel stagnant in your job or your role,

Lean into those soft skills that I listed out earlier and I'll read them again. How to talk to people, how to act in new settings, how to conduct yourself, how to defend yourself, how to stand up for yourself, how to talk about your work and your role, how to talk about your value, how to pitch yourself is another one. I think those are things that we can constantly evolve in and continue to learn. So if you feel stagnant in your job or your role,

Lean into those. Start looking at things differently and looking into what you can learn from the people around you that may not be the people you expected to learn from. Start thinking about the interactions you're having, different ways of presenting things, presenting your work, presenting yourself. Because people react differently to things when you show them the things in a different light. And I think

One of the biggest soft skills that I've learned over my past years of work, my past four years of work experience, is being able to show my value wherever I am. And I can now confidently say to somebody like, hey, here's what I did and here's what I can do for you. And here's what I did for this. And that is not something that I was ever comfortable with before. And it's not even something I was comfortable with doing last year, maybe even like six months ago, if I'm like being fully real.

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So the conversation I had with my boss like a year ago and the one I had last month looked like completely different people. And I think when you are able to show someone your value effectively, that is how you become irreplaceable. So if you're asking the question, how do I ask for a raise? How do I ask for a promotion? How do I have a conversation with my boss where I feel confident? Figure out how you can show your value effectively and that will pretty much answer that question for you.

I want to leave you with one more thing, and it is a post I saw from Barbara Corcoran, and it's her letter to Mark Cuban when she initially got rejected to be a shark on Shark Tank. So she wrote in her caption, here's the letter I sent to get on Shark Tank. The producer had already chosen someone else, but I wasn't ready to give up. So I wrote him a list of reasons why I deserved a shot. That email got me the seat and changed the course of my life. 17 years later, I'm so glad I pressed send.

Just a reminder, sometimes the door won't open until you knock louder. Subject, still swimming. Mark, I understand you've asked another girl to the dance instead of me. Although I appreciate being reserved as a fallback, I'm much more accustomed to coming in first. I think you should consider inviting both of us to LA for your tryouts. Here are my reasons why. One, I do my best when my back's against the wall. I love the heat of the competition as I've learned it brings out my best.

I've had all my big successes on the heels of rejection and frankly it's right up my alley. There was sister Stella Marie in fifth grade who said I'd always be stupid because I couldn't read. Then there was the New York Oldboy Network trying to lock me out of their real estate fortunes until I became the largest competitor. Then there was the Donald himself who wrongly swore in court, wait, yeah, then there was the Donald himself who wrongly swore in court that I'd never see a penny of the four million commission he owed me for saving his ass and making the largest land deal in the city's history.

And of course there was my ex-partner Ramon Simone, who parted with ways you know you'll never succeed without me. I consider your rejection a lucky charm. Two, if you have both ladies in LA, you can mix it up a bit and see which personalities make the best combination for your show. I found in building teams myself that the combination of personalities is always more important than the expertise or strengths of single individuals. You may even drop a man for me because believe it or not, I'm just as smart and mean as the next guy. Three,

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Last, I've known from the get-go that the shark role is perfect for me. Everything I've done so far in the business and TV worlds has made me ready. My style is different than any other sharks, and your audience would fall in love with me. I've watched thirty-seven Dragon episodes so far and know I could rival the best shark on each show in trueness and personality. It seems to me that the same two sharks steal most of the show, and I know I'd become one of them. The reputation you have in your field is equal to the reputation I have in mine. Mark.

I know you're the best at what you do and I trust you'll reach the right decision. I've booked my flight for the 6th and I hope to be on that plane. Thanks, Barbara." I wanted to read this because I think this was one of the best ways I've ever seen somebody present their value and their worth to somebody in, I guess more words than I thought it was. Like when I started reading I was like, fuck this is kind of long. But I think it was worth hearing and reading because that is how you show your worth. That is how you talk about your value.

I mean, this is obviously like a very loud and proud way to do it. This is obviously very bold and like very forthcoming. Like, I don't think a lot of people our age have the balls and the confidence and the like, hey, I'm putting this out here. Like it's me or like bust. Like this is very, very, very intense. And it's an extreme example of what I'm talking about today of like

Here is the value I bring to the table and you'll be better off with me by your side and you'll be like grateful to have me. I think this is like an amazing example of that. She put it into three bullet points and had a great closing sentence, a great opening sentence. And I think this is exactly how to present your worth and your value. was just not exactly, of course, but like it's a really amazing example of how to present your worth and your value.

That is the episode. Thank you so much listening to Guy's Set, a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh, I'm 25 years old and I'm here every single week, every single Tuesday to talk about what should be talked about for guys in their 20s. If you like this episode, please follow, subscribe, like, and give this episode 5 stars and leave a review. That's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 stars, not 4, not 3, not 2, no, it's 5 stars. Thank you so much. I really, really appreciate that. Someone gave me a 2 star review recently, like, please, 5, not 2, come on.

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He wrote like meh. I was like, all right, fine. At least it's a review. I appreciate any review. If you have anything we talked about that should be talked about for guys in their 20s, please send it to my DMs at the guyset, T-H-E-G-U-I-S-E-T on Instagram or to my email, josh at guyset.com, J-O-S-H at G-U-I-S-E-T.com or go to my website guyset.com, G-U-I-S-E-T.com. There's a submission form right there. You can leave it. It goes right to the same email. It goes all at the same spot. Anonymous, of course, as always, and I will be sure to talk about it.

Thank you so much. Listen to guys set a guy's guide to what should be talked about and I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.