Welcome back to another Dear Guy Set episode where I answer the questions that guys are asking, whether that's about a situation, a situation ship, a relationship, really anything you want my advice on, and I give you that to the best of my abilities. As always, I am no expert, I am far from an expert.

I'm just another guy going through this alongside you and willing to share what I have learned so far and what I have continued to learn and what I continue to learn alongside you. I th which I think is really cool. And I think there's a lot of value in it, honestly, just like talking about the things that nobody really talks about. Talking about like the weird or uncomfortable or the things that you think about, but also think that nobody else is thinking about, if that makes sense.

I think that is a lot of what these questions are, and they kind of expose the fact that we all are thinking about these things and we all are kind of in this together, and it makes it a little less awkward, a little less weird, a little more normal when you know that other guys are also thinking about these things going through this at the same time as you and are also asking, does she like me back, or how much should I be texting her, or

What if she's seeing other guys as well? And how do I know that she's seeing other guys? Or like, how am I supposed to like navigate this thing? Like the all of that is in here. And I think one of the coolest parts about these episodes is that you can actually start to see the trends of what other guys are thinking right now, or what lots of other guys are thinking about right now and going through. And I think you can actually get that in these episodes, which I think is kind of like a unintentional.

Cool part about all of this is it's like, wait, here's what's happening this month with a lot of different guys. And this is a lot of early dating questions. There's a lot, I mean, there kind of always is a lot of early dating questions in these episodes. I think that's probably one of the biggest areas that guys are like, How the fuck do I do this? What am I supposed to do? And like just n need a little more advice on navigating, or are just looking for other guys' advice on navigating, which is great. And that's intent like that's one of the intentions behind doing all these episodes.

Josh Felgoise (02:39.054)

and these dear guys that episodes become a lot of that. And I think that's a good thing. I think it's great. Whatever questions you guys want, I'm here to answer. a lot of them this month are on early dating, and maybe that's because it's summertime. Maybe people are going on more dates. I'm not really here to analyze the trends behind it, but I just think it's kind of an interesting thing that like comes out of these episodes is that a lot of these questions are coming around right now.

Again, they're kind of always coming around, but maybe that this is like a big time for early dating or just starting to go on more dates, kind of get more excited about going on more dates, putting yourself out there. Maybe that's just like the summertime vibe. maybe people have more time, maybe working less. I said I wasn't gonna analyze the trend and now I'm just like spending my time analyzing it. But let's get into it. The first question is.

How do you know if somebody actually likes you or she's just being friendly? I think that you can look at this a bunch of different ways or a couple different ways. I think that the way she acts around you is a very big indicator of if she likes you a as a friend or like, likes you, if you know what I mean. Like if she like, like, like.

If she is laughing really big at your jokes and like what you said is not that funny, that's a good indicator that she actually likes you. And you're kind of like, wait, that wasn't that funny. And like, I don't know how you thought that was funny, but like, fuck yeah. Yes. that is a good indicator that she likes you. If she's being touchy, like she's touching your arm or she's like like touching, you know, you, that's a good indicator that she's

in more into you than not, and that it's more than just friends. I think there are like signals that you can look out for. I think that the amount of effort somebody is putting into talking to you or the relationship with you or how much time they're spending with you, those are all very obvious indicators of how much somebody likes you, how much they're texting you back, how much they're responding, how

Josh Felgoise (04:50.52)

be how like reciprocal they're being in making plans or wanting to make plans or like the the texting behavior I think is a very good indicator of how much somebody likes you versus likes you as like likes you versus likes you as a friend. but this is hard to read. Like I I do wanna say this this can be really hard to read. This kind of is what murks and makes murky makes a lot of friendships murky between guys and girls is like did we

Cross that threshold? Like, does she like me more than a friend? Do I like her? I I've always liked her as more of a friend. Like, does she like me more as a friend? Or does she like me, like, like me? Does she want to, you know, me? and I think that it can be hard to decipher between the two things. so I would say look out for the three or so signals, like her response time and how also if you're hanging out on your own a lot.

I think that's an indicator that it's it's more than just friends. If you're in a group setting and like the all of these I d I don't know, like this is hard and I there isn't one right answer to this. At some point, I think the easiest way around this and the easiest way to find out is to either make a move, you know, put yourself out there, try and just be like, shit, sorry if that's and I sorry if I read this wrong, like if it is wrong.

I do think there is something to be said about the person who puts himself out there and like the the guy who tries. And rather than spending your time kind of like waiting, wishing, wondering, hoping, putting yourself out there, making a move, or just saying, like, hey, am I the only one who kind of sees a f gets a vibe here? Like, i is this just me or is this also you like saying something along those lines or making a move or trying something or or asking on a date.

These are all ways to kind of clarify this instead of spending all your time wondering. I think this comes after some time though. wondering if somebody actually likes you or is just being friendly. I think a date, the the time the two of you will clear that up. And after that date, you should have a better answer of if this is friends or if this is more than just friends. So I would ask on a date, and that should clear like that that should kind of

Josh Felgoise (07:11.426)

make the muddy waters a little bit clearer and and less like, what is this? What's happening here? and you can always say something or you can always try something. And then you can either backpedal or you can be like, Yeah, like I I I really like you, and just admit how you feel. but look for those indicators and then after all of that, I would say ask on a date. And then that that date will answer a lot of the questions that you have right now. The next question is.

How do I know if the girl I'm seeing is also seeing other guys too? This is another one of those, like, ugh, I don't know. which is not good because I'm sitting on a podcast trying to talk to you about it. I think that the amount of time you're spending with the other person, the amount of time you're spending with the girl, should be a clear indicator of it how how much she's seeing other people or if she's seeing other people. Like,

There's only so much time in the week, if that makes sense. There's only so many different days to go on dates and no so only so much time to see other people. So if you guys are seeing each other on Thursday and Friday, or if you guys are seeing each other Wednesday and Saturday, or like there is a very good chance early in dating that and like I want to start off by saying this, so l let me let me backtrack a little bit. There is a very good chance in early dating that the girl you're seeing is also seeing other guys.

I would say it's a very likely chance. I would say it's more than zero, less than a hundred, somewhere above, I don't know, somewhere in there. Somewhere in that range. there is a good chance that she's seeing somebody else too. I think a lot of people are seeing multiple people when they start dating because they want to increase their chances of something working. They want to test the waters of a bunch of different people and see who they like most. They want to be able to compare the people to each other and be like, how did

Person A make me feel versus person B. Did I like myself more around A, or did I like myself more around B? Did I feel more comfortable around B or do I am I nervous around A? Like you know, I I think that unfortunately a lot of the times people people unfortunately for the person that's on the other side of it can be used as like a comparison or like a way to determine who you like more. That is just a part of early dating. And I think that it's better to just be honest about it than act like it's not happening.

Josh Felgoise (09:32.366)

and just be like, yeah, there is a high likelihood that somebody is also seeing somebody else alongside you. And that also works for you. I mean, not works for, but that also like is the same for you. Like you could be seeing multiple girls at once, too. I'm assuming you're not because you're asking me this, or maybe you are and you still want to know if she is too. she's probably also wondering the same thing. Like, is he seeing other girls? Is he going on to these other girls? And that also could.

Could be yes. I think that after the first few dates, three, four, that is the time in which you you gotta make the decision and be and you gotta move forward with somebody or nobody, but you have to make the decision and not lead on a bunch of different people because that really gets you in a shitty, kinda bad situation where you're leading on a bunch of people and then it then people are pissed and feelings are hurt and you're ruining lives. No, you're not ruining lives, I'm just kidding. But you are like

Stringing along feelings and you're kind of creating a web of different emotions and and you're overcomplicating this. So around three or four is when I think you should really consider this more intensely or more deeper than than you are now. If you're still in those early, like first, second, maybe even into the third date, I think that you can maybe assume that she might be seeing other guys at the same time as you.

Around the time of date three or four, maybe and any time after that. and I'm I'm these are arbitrary numbers, by the way. Like everybody's dating situation is so different, and everybody is some people are long distance, some people are seeing each other much more often, some people are seeing each other three different times a week in the first couple weeks. Some people you know, like everybody's situation is so different. So there isn't an a number I can apply to this as like a after three dates, do this.

I'm just kind of using these as like reference points, kind of like reference just like marks in in this like timeline. But everybody's timeline is different. So there's no one way to do this. but for the sake of our conversation right now, I would say anytime around that like three to four date mark, you can have that conversation and just say, like, hey, I am not seeing anybody else right now. I just want to let you know that. And you can see how she responds to that. If she is like, great.

Josh Felgoise (11:53.166)

Cool. Like I really like you too, and I like spend time with you. That's great. And if she's like, I am, or if she's just like a little, like, ugh, like a little, whoa, a little how you will be able to read her reaction to that. but I think before that, you can't really ask her not to, and you can't expect her not to. And same for her. She can't ask you not to, and she can't really expect you not to. so

I yeah, I I think that around that time when you when things are getting a little bit more real, I don't want to say serious, I wanna say a little more real when you really are starting to like each other more and like spending time each other more and want to spend more time with each other. That's around the time when you can have that conversation and just kind of really gauge the feelings around this thing. but I think the best phrasing of it is to say, like, hey, I'm not seeing anybody else. And you put instead of being like, Are you seeing other guys right now?

I think you start it as you and you like make yourself the subject of the situation. and that doesn't like pin her in a corner to Are you just gonna be boring now? And she's just like, like that's it's just way easier to be like, I'm not. and I I'm just wanna let you know that. Instead of being like, I'm not, are you? I'm not, like, you shouldn't be either. Like it just it it takes all of that out of it by by saying I'm not and I I just wanna let you know that. I think that that's a that's a great way to phrase it. That's a great way to put it. but yeah, before that, I don't know if it's fair to

consider that she's or I don't know if it's fair to like s want her not to be. Of course you don't want her to be. It's totally fair to not want her to be. Who wouldn't want who would who wants the girl they're seeing to be seeing other guys at the same time? Like who wants that? but I just don't think that you can assume that she's not. So I think it's better to assume that she might be. and then just keep going as things are going. Like I I I there's no competition here. There's no how do I like out outlast this other outlive outlast out whatever that whatever that survivor thing is.

There's no compet I guess it is kind of a competition, but there's no like you you don't need to be considering that. You don't need to be putting that in your head. You you really don't. So there's not. you just want to be yourself. You just want to keep things as they are, and you wanna see if there's a vibe between the two of you. that's the most important and only thing you can do, to be honest, because it's it it's the only thing you can do. You you can't be running your mind in circles and worrying about the fact that you might be other seeing other guys and how that's going with other guys and what's happening with the other relationships and what's and whatnot.

Josh Felgoise (14:15.382)

That will reveal itself in time and probably pretty soon in this situation it will reveal itself in whatever you got in this dating situation specifically. so it's not really worth your time overthinking this and worrying yourself and kind of like making yourself super anxious about the other people that she could be seeing because there's it's so out of your control.

And what is in your control is spending good quality time with this girl, taking her on good dates, being yourself, being attentive, asking questions, texting, showing her that you care. That is all well within your control. It is completely within your control. So spend your time on that, not in the world of who else is she seeing, what else is she doing, what's that guy's name, can I kill him?

Spend your time on the things you can control. I think that's the best advice I could give here. The next question is: if somebody takes forever to text you back, should you match their texting energy or should you just text how you normally would back? Wow, that's phrased beautifully. I would say, thank you for asking that question, I really appreciate it. I would say if somebody takes forever to text you back, I would no, I

I don't love the game of like, well, she took seven hours to respond, so I'm gonna take seven hours to respond. And as that, after that seven hours is up, I will respond. I think that if the person is is there's so much time between texts and you are like waiting for a response and then you respond immediately after, like there's an obvious kind of mismatch of interest here. And I think that's

Probably more where you should focus your energy than spacing out the texts that you send and how frequently you're responding or how much you're responding. Because if you're somebody that wants to be having consistent conversations and having somebody respond to you, which is a very normal thing, it's something I want. That's something that most people want. They want somebody that's gonna be attentive and excited about them and want to respond to them. And like assuming that this isn't just like a one-off day or a couple, you know, like this person.

Josh Felgoise (16:34.664)

Everybody's really busy. Everybody has their own lives. Everybody has like careers starting and a lot going on. So assuming this isn't like a one-off thing or a few days thing where she has a work trip or she's super busy during the day and like she's responding and she is responding to you after work and everything, like assuming that this is like at night or on the weekends and it's just like the the response time is really ass between you guys, I think that's more of an interest mismatch than anything else. And I think that is where you should

kind of put your focus into like, okay, I'm obviously a little bit more interested in her than she is into me. Now where do I want to take that? Now that I have that information, like I think we are given a lot of of information by the people we see, by the early dating kind of indicators and signals. And we should use that to our advantage. Like if your interest is so much more in her than hers is in you, then you get to decide how you want to play this out.

Do you want to keep seeing her and really putting a lot of your hope into this girl and and into this situation? Or do you maybe want to start seeing who else is out there? Do you want to start maybe sending out a couple feelers on hinge or on whatever and and kind of start back in that in the dating pool? Because it's maybe not as you thought or as you hoped.

And I think that is a ma maybe a better use of your kind of energy here instead of separating the amount of time you're spending to respond. And I've been there too, by the way. Like I have been like, well, if she's gonna take four hours to respond, then I'll take four hours to respond. Or if this is this And I I think that's a game a lot of people play. I think at the end of the day, that is a game. Like an and if you are not somebody that wants to be in a game, if you don't wanna be playing a game like that, and you are looking for something more real and exciting and something that you're excited about, then I think

maybe this is not the person for you. That's like really an a a hard, a hard love there. but honestly, like I I think if somebody is taking forever to respond to you, then they're not just not as interested in in you as you are them. And I think that that's a good thing to know. Like, that is information that like that's great to know. That is that is super helpful. It's like, okay, now where do I want to take this? Do I wanna keep.

Josh Felgoise (18:54.402)

Putting and investing time into this, or do I want to start investing into somebody else? And I think you probably know the answer. A little tough, sorry. maybe she's on a work trip. The next question is how do you stop overthinking every single thing when you actually really like someone for the first time in a while? see, I told you these are all like really early dating questions. I think that this is hard. This is

It's a hard. It's a hard thing. Like how do you stop overthinking every little single thing? Like I don't know. That it comes with time and it comes with experience in in starting to date. But like when it's your first time or when it's the first few times of kind of getting feelings or catching feelings or going on dates or putting yourself out there, like

You inevitably are going to overthink everything. And I don't think there's anything really wrong with that. You do kind of drive yourself crazy and it you you do a lot more than you need to do because you're like, well, what is she thinking about this? Or did I say the wrong thing? Here did it. And I just think that's kind of part of the experience. Like, I I don't think there's any way around that. I think this is the same with a lot of things. Anything you start, like you you do have to.

deal with the like you do have to put yourself through these things in order to realize that like okay I don't have to keep doing that again and again. Like you you do kind of have to trudge through the mud of I've I've said some like random a lot of mud today. you do kind of have to trudge through this in order to learn it and experience it. And I think that it comes with time and it comes with experience that you won't you won't do this as much

In every single relationship, in every single dating experience or situationship. You won't have to feel like you're overthinking every single thing. And I think that is what comes with time. And that's where your confidence builds. I think this is honestly a question about confidence. I think with time and with experience, your confidence develops and you feel more confident in yourself and who you are and the person you are and

Josh Felgoise (21:10.648)

Kind of what you bring and what you offer, and you you stop thinking so much about everything you're doing and everything you're saying because you feel a little bit better about what you're putting out there. And I think that just comes with time. So if you're overthinking every little single thing when you like somebody for the first time in a while, like that's normal. It I'm just I'm I'm gonna say that. I'm just here to say that's completely normal. And I'm not gonna tell you to keep overthinking away because I I like that's not good advice, but I I do think that.

with time you will overthink less and you will stop overanalyzing every single little thing. But for right now, this is part of it. And it's what comes with the nature of liking somebody and catching feelings for somebody. but I think the more time you spend with them, the more time you spend around them, that eases the nerves ease, the tension eases

all of the overanalyzing and overthinking gets a little bit easier and you get a little bit more comfortable with yourself and with yourself around the other person. And a lot of this falls to the side. But for the time being, overthinking comes with the territory in early dating. And it will get easier and will get better with time, as does everything. And as does everything with consistency. Like when you're doing something again and again, or you're putting yourself out there again and again, like it

Does get easier. You get better at it, you get more confident at it, and you get more confident in yourself. The next question is I just went on a really good first date. How long should I wait before asking her out again? I think that you shouldn't wait that long. Like I think that it should come in the next conversation you have, whether it's

That night or the next morning, whenever you text her next, whenever you're next communicating, honestly, I think you should ask her out. I think that it's important to kind of keep the ball rolling and kind of keep the momentum, especially if you just had a great date and you're both really excited and you leave really excited and you kind of leave excited about the potential of what this could be and what this is, and like how great is that feeling? Like there just is no better feeling than that. So I think you should.

Josh Felgoise (23:22.84)

Keep that feeling going for as long as you can and as long as you have it, like keep that spark alive. Like blow on those embers, like pff hard. You know, whoa. but I think that it's important to keep that going. Like in the next conversation you have, when you made sure she got home safe, when you text next, being like, Hey, how's your day going? Like

I think that is when you say, I'd love to take you out again. I'd love to go on another date with you. When are you free next? I'd love to see you again. I had such a great time with you. Would love to see you again sometime soon. Would love to see you again next week. Like in whatever phrasing you want, in whatever way you want to put it, I think you keep the ball rolling. Don't wait too long. And I also think the longer you wait, outside of like the keeping the spark alive, the longer you wait, the more she's probably like.

Is he interested in me? Like, did I is this not what I thought it was? And you kind of keep that confusion going? You kind of like you kind of spark that confusion by not asking her out again. so knowing that, I think that's all you need to know. And I think that's like a a easy, like, okay, I'll ask her again out now. I think that

The longer you wait to do anything, whether it's like going back to the last question, whether you respond after a long time, whether you wait a long time to ask them out again, it just kind of like keeps that nervous, anxious, like, what is happening? What is this? Does she like me? Does he like me? That thing going on more and more. So the more you can do to kind of

Cut that off, the more you can do to stop that, to try and put an end to that, to ease that a little bit, the better it's gonna be for both of you, the better it'll be for this relationship, and the better it will be in the long run. So you have an ability to kinda keep the excitement going and stop the anxiety, and you should take it. You should take it with both hands. The next question is how often should I be seeing someone when we first start?

Josh Felgoise (25:30.21)

Dating and dating is in quotes for anybody that wants to know that. I think this kind of goes back to my earlier answer about there is no how often you should be. There is no one way to do this. There's no one right answer to this. I think that everybody has really different schedules. I think that the answer is probably like at least once a week. I think that's like a pretty good universal answer to this question.

Is that if you are seeing each other at least once a week, that's good. If you're seeing each other more than once a week, that's also great. That's probably even better if you can, if that's what you guys are doing. I would say really early on, once a week is pretty is good. And that consistency is great. So if you saw somebody on for a first date Thursday, you see them again on Tuesday or Wednesday or Thursday the next week. If you saw somebody on Saturday, you see them again the next week at some point. You get it. I don't have to tell you about the days of the week.

But I think that once a week is a good cadence. I think that's a pretty like that's probably like if you're close by, that's probably like the least you should do. again, everybody has super like, especially right now in the summertime, everybody's super busy. People are going away, people have family things, weekend trips, things with friends. Like it it just it's it's a harder time.

So don't hold yourself to that weekly standard if it's the summertime and if you're busy and if she's busy and it's like you don't have to be like, my god, I didn't see her for a week, so like this isn't gonna end. Try and see the person as much as you can and as much as you want to. Like if you want to make plans with them and you wanna see her again and you're excited about this, then try and see her and to the best of your your guys' abilities. Like there's no right way to do it.

And especially now with incredibly busy schedules, it it gets hard. just try to see her as often as you can and try and make plans. And I think I talked about this recently, but I think having plan having a plan, having something that you're excited about is one of the best things you can do for a relationship, but also for yourself. Like having something to be excited about, having a plan that you're looking forward to is one of the most

Josh Felgoise (27:53.058)

Beneficial things I think we can do for ourselves. One of the best things we can give ourselves is like, I have that thing coming up. I'm so excited about that. Or I'm I'm I can't wait to see her. And then you get to spend your time thinking about the fact that you can't wait to see her. And that's such a great way to spend your time. So give yourself that. Create plans that you're looking forward to, whether it's a week out or two weeks out. You're both excited about that plan. That's amazing. That's exciting. That keeps that excitement, that energy going.

This also applies to I think plans with friends, plans with family, plans with whoever you want to make plans with. Make plans that are that are kind of near but and not too far out that you can be excited about. Cause think that just keeps you going. It keeps you excited. It keeps life fun. It keeps you energized throughout the week. And when you have a long day at work or you have a lot of doubt in yourself, you're feeling imposter syndrome, you're feeling low, you're feeling bad about yourself.

You have that thing to look forward to. You kind of have that like northern light, that like shining star. It's like, okay, like this weekend I have this thing coming up and that's that's fun. That's that that is something I'm really looking forward to. So the fact that this Monday and Tuesday fucking sucked, I still have that thing I'm excited about this weekend. And that's great. And I think you can do that with dates. I think that's something we can keep we can give ourselves. We can also continuously give ourselves that. Like it doesn't end after that fun plan ends. Like you still get to keep doing that for yourself.

Every week, every few weeks, and that is just like a great thing we have in life. And yeah, like make plans that you're excited about. So to answer your question, because I think I got a little bit like lifey there, how often should I be seeing someone we first start dating? And dating is in quotes? every week I think is good, or as much as you want, as much as you guys are excited about. Keep making plans, keep having things to be excited about.

I think it just keeps that spark alive in the relationship and in the early stages of dating. All right. That is the episode. These were all of the early dating questions I have been asked that guys are asking that I think are great because now you know that other guys are asking these questions too. And I think it's just awesome to kind of

Josh Felgoise (30:05.172)

Share these with everybody so that you know what everyone else is thinking and going through as well. And it makes it a little less awkward, a little less alone, and a little more normal when you know what everyone else is thinking and asking about too. So thank you so much for listening to Guys said a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh, I'm 26 years old, and I'm here every single week, every single Tuesday to talk about what should be talked about for guys. If you like this episode, I really hope you did. Please like, subscribe to this podcast. Five stars leave one to four, five stars, four and three channel wines, five stars. Thanks doing everything. I appreciate that.

If you're about how we talk about that should be talked about for guys, head over to guyset.com, g-u-i-s-e-t.com. There's an ask me anything right there. You can ask me literally anything and I'll do this and I'll include your question in the next dear guyset, like I just did today. You can find daily blog posts as well on guyset.com across dating, relationships, confidence, comparison, style, career, mindset, everything that I talk about on here.

It's just more over there. So you can find daily blog posts every single day. You can search for anything, and there'll probably be a blog that will answer something or give you some sort of advice about it. So check that out. You can watch the Philippus on YouTube at Guy Set G-U-I-S-E-T. Thank you so much for listening to Guy Set, a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I hope you have great week and I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.

Frequently Asked Question

How do you know if a girl actually likes you?

Look at how much effort she puts in. If she makes time for you, responds consistently, wants to make plans, and seems genuinely engaged when you're together, those are good signs she may be interested in more than friendship.

Should you assume the person you're dating is seeing other people?

Early on, it's reasonable to assume they might be. Until you've talked about exclusivity, both of you are generally free to date other people.

Should you match someone's texting response time?

No. Don't wait four hours just because they waited four hours. Text naturally, but pay attention if consistently slow responses seem to show that you're much more interested than they are.

How long should you wait to ask for a second date?

If the first date went well, you don't need to wait. Ask in your next conversation, whether that's later that night or the next day, and keep the momentum going.

How often should you see someone when you first start dating?

Once a week is a good starting point, but there's no perfect schedule. See each other as often as your schedules allow and as often as you both genuinely want to.