Growing Up, Getting Confident, and Living for Yourself: Dear Guyset

Josh Felgoise (00:00.204)

Welcome to Guy's Set, a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh, I'm 24 years old, and I'm here to find all the tips, advice, and recommendations for everything you're wondering about. Let's get into it.

Josh Felgoise (00:17.848)

Hi guys, welcome back to guyset, a guys guide to what should be talked about. If you are listening to this episode on the day it was released, it is November 5th. is Tuesday, November 5th. So it is election day, and I hope if you're able to vote, if you're above 18 years old and you're eligible to vote and you can go do that, you've done that, or you're going today to vote, vote. Fucking vote, why not? And I hope your party is winning or wins after today.

And if listening to this after election day, a later day of the week or sometime in the future, I hope your party won and if they didn't, I hope I can provide you some entertainment today. I hope you find some happiness with this podcast and you find some answers to the things that should be talked about for guys in their twenties because that's what I do here. Obviously this is a very tough day to release an episode because like it's fucking election day and this only happens every four years. So, but I'm never gonna miss a week. So that is why we're here today. I assumed not a of people are gonna listen to this episode. So I thought what?

better way to spend this episode than answering some of the questions that the guys are asking online. So I pulled some questions that I literally found from today on Reddit. I think there's 10 questions and I'm going to answer them for you and some answers may be juicy. I may spill some shit. may say some crazy things and I'm assuming that no one's listen to this. So like for the few people that do listen to this it's going to be a ride. Let's have some fun today and I hope

You know, maybe I'll say some crazy fucking shit today. So, you're in for it. If you're here, get ready. I feel like I'm hyping it up for literally nothing. For me to be like, how has your view of your age changed as you've gotten older? That's like... I'm gonna say some crazy fucking shit today. I'm like, so as I've gotten older, I think... No, okay, I am gonna answer that actually, because I think that's a good question. But maybe we'll get a little risky. Maybe we'll get a little risque.

Probably not, honestly, clickbait. so anyway, happy election day to all those who celebrate. I hope you voted and I hope you get the outcome that you wanted from the election. Okay, and then honestly, I'll probably just like poll Reddit again as we sit here together because people ask some crazy shit online. And here's why I think people ask crazy shit online is because they don't know where.

Josh Felgoise (02:38.04)

to ask these questions or like they feel weird asking their friends these questions and people feel more comfortable asking random fucking strangers online. How often do you manscape like that is a question I have that I will answer today because one I think it's important to talk about and two like five years ago I don't think I knew where to find the answer to that question and I think a lot of guys don't know where to find the answer to that question because like

They're uncomfortable to ask their friends that type of thing. And like, who do you ask? Like, where do you find the answer to that question? Which is literally the whole point of what I do here every week. so, and I probably answered that question before, but I see it all the time and people continue to ask it. either those people just haven't found guys set yet or I mean, that's probably the reason. people answer these questions obviously very differently. This is always just my point of view. It's one guy's point of view.

But I'm still like willing to share this shit because I really think somebody should and I always wanted somebody to share this type of thing. So that's why I do it. So I'm going to start with the first question that I was like, I'm to talk about fucking crazy shit today. And now I'm like, how has your view of your age changed as you've gotten older? That's a question that somebody asked and I am going to answer because I really like that question. I think my view of age, like while

I was younger and while I was in college, was kind of like, I want to stay here forever. Like this seems like how can life get better than this? Like, and I think when you're in that stage of life, you're like, literally, how could it get better than this? Like last week was Halloween and like in college, we had like Halloween week. had like one weekend and then like all week and then another Halloween weekend. Like we had like fucking 12 days of Halloween where you just dress up and get drunk and, you know, like do all this crazy shit for two weeks. And it was like,

Like that was so much fun. But like as I've gotten older and as I've graduated I realized that is just a not that's not a sustainable lifestyle like there is a time and place for that and I'm happy that I've done it and I can still do it if I wanted to but like there's a lot there's a lot of other shit to do like there's a lot of reasons I'm happy that I'm not still in that phase of my life. I think one of the biggest reasons I look at age differently now is because I think I found a lot more purpose where I am right now where I'm at.

Josh Felgoise (04:57.486)

24 years old than I have ever had before and I think it's because I've spent a lot more time on my own than I've ever spent on my own in my life Because you have to like well, we're all sorry. My shorts are riding up in the cameras like really getting a crazy angle Wow We're at a time in our lives where we're like living Even if you're not living on your own, I'm not right now But you're spending so much time of your day on your own whether it's you're walking to work. You're leaving work

after work on the weekend, like most likely your weekends aren't filled with seeing people 24 seven. I feel like nobody's really are. and you have a lot of alone time to fill on your own and figure out what you want to do and how to spend that time. And, you know, a lot of that time can feel like it's wasted because you were wondering about like what you should be doing or what other people are doing. And that's, I'm sure a lot of people's mindset right now and

That's okay too. Like that's kind of all part of this experience. And I now look at growing up as like such an amazing thing. Like the fact that we're able to get older is a privilege. Getting older is such a privilege that we take for granted and more younger. like, there's that saying that, youth is wasted on the young and I'm, I'm still young. So I, I'm considered that.

wasteful youth right now, but I do think that's true. And a good example I have of this recently is I was recently sent a video that I put out on TikTok two years ago that said like, can't believe every single Philly team decided to get good right when I moved to New York. And it sent me into a spiral. I was like, it's been two years since I made that video. Like two years have gone by like that. Like two years have gone by so quickly. And

I was just like, time is flying by so quickly. And I kind of got sent into like an existential crisis. It was a very weird, like a couple hours of my night where I was like, Whoa, like, where has that time gone? Like, what have I done in these two years? What's going on? Like I just felt like everything is, was going so quickly. And I got really anxious about it. Honestly. I was like, Holy shit. Like time is really moving so quickly. And as I started thinking about that and I ended up like a journal.

Josh Felgoise (07:06.878)

I as I told you all the time I ended up journaling that night about it because I was like I was really actually very anxious like it was probably not good. But like I think those moments happen where we just think about something and it sends us sends us into like a spiral about time and where we are on earth and where we are and where we we want to be and like you know all that crazy shit. And I ended up writing down like I'm so privileged to have time fly by so quickly. And I believe that I stand by that like the fact that

These two years have been like such an incredible journey, like such an incredible past two years for me where there's been so many highs and so many lows. And I have now like a year of like every week I record something. So I have a year of like a journal entry of a year of my life over a year now to look back at. And I write down a lot. So I looked back at like a lot of the things I wrote down over the past two years to just kind of look at like my growth over the two years.

And I, there's moments in my journals and my books where I'm like, I'm low. And then there's moments where I'm like super high and there's not, yeah, you know what I mean. And I just feel like so lucky to be able to have all of those moments. And that's why I look at like, I've gone so far off the course of this question, Jesus Christ. how has your view of age changed as you've gotten older? My view of age has changed so much because I look at it as such a, as such a privilege. Like I see every year as such a privilege and like,

an opportunity to grow even more and progress and find my purpose even further and understand what I want to do and what I want to be and where I want to go and like and what I'm supposed to do on earth and what all this means and like find the meaning of my existence. It sounds really like wild and crazy and annoying honestly. But I think about this type of thing and like it's short like it's quick like we're not all here for so sorry I'm just like.

I started off 10 minutes ago being like, if you're still here from the election day, like I'm going to keep this like light and sweet and fun. And now I'm like in an existential mode, life is short. It is. It is. so now that it's like, now that we're into November of this year, I want you to look back and I do this myself. Like I want you and I to look back at this year and realize all the amazing things we've done and think about the things that have made us really excited.

Josh Felgoise (09:31.392)

and look at those pockets where like we found the most happiness and create rituals around those times and create like practices around those things. And that leads to my next question that was actually a really good transition which somebody said or somebody asked online. What is one simple change in your life that gave you the most incredible great results.

What is one simple change in your life that led you that gave you incredibly great? What is one simple change in your life that gave you incredibly great results? And my answer to that is lifting and strength training. And when I look back at this past year, I decided that in January, I would start taking like lifting and going to the gym a lot more seriously than I ever had before. And my why at the time, and I really think it's

continued to be the same exact why is that I've always wanted to find more confidence and I've always wanted to be more confident in myself and my abilities and my body image and all of that stuff. Wow, this episode is not like light and fun like I said, was gonna be whatever. It's good. I think I hope it's just me talking to myself. So I hope you guys like this too. But seriously, like weightlifting and strength training, lifting, just lifting in general has given me

Such an immense amount of confidence that I've never had before One because like I know I can lift things like I feel confident in my abilities that I can Lift heavy shit and like I'm not in an uncomfortable place where I'm like walking back from Trader Joe's with bags Walking five blocks to my apartment and like I can do that with ease now and like I feel confident in doing that That's like that's obviously one thing that is always helpful

But also just the fact that like I feel confident in my abilities. I feel more balanced. I've been doing a lot more like core work where I just I feel good about the place where I'm at in my life with my like physical abilities. And I've never felt that way before. Like that. That's just one thing. I've never felt like confident in that. I was never like a really athletic kid. I liked playing sports. I was just never good at them. And like I think that deterred me from a lot of them because I was not as good as everybody else was at them. And

Josh Felgoise (11:49.588)

now at this place where like I'm able to have a routine and create a ritual or create a practice around that routine where I now go to the gym five or six times a week. And it's more about mindset than anything else. It's more about my like mental state than anything else. Like I feel most confident than I've ever felt in my life because I go to the gym, because I'm able to lift things and because I've stuck with it and because

I do this every single week again and again and like the times where I fail or the times that I like, I'm not able to lift as heavy as I'd like to be. Or I look at someone next to me who's bench pressing like 35 pound plates and I'm still at 25 pound plates and then I'm adding 10 and taking it off and going back and forth from that. I'm still okay with that because I'm trying and I'm giving it an effort and I've stuck with it and I know I will continue to progress because I'm sticking with it. And when I started, I was literally just doing the bar. Like I got to a place where, um,

In bench press, I do, I do the inclined bench press on Mondays and Thursdays. I don't know if that's good or not. I'm not giving you weightlifting advice. I should probably have someone on to talk about that because I am not the person to talk about that, but I will tell you what I do. so I do that twice a week and. In January, February, probably through March, I was just doing like the bar and like five or 10 pounds on it. Like that's the most I could do. was, I was not able to do.

More than that and i'm okay with admitting that because like you have to start somewhere You you just have to start somewhere. Otherwise, you will never get to where you want to be And for a for a while I would just look around and be like everybody's looking at me like everybody's thinking that i'm like the loser that can't lift anything and Nobody was looking at me. They don't give a fuck about me They only care about themselves and like flexing their own muscles in the mirror and like thinking that they're not big enough and Wanting to be bigger than the next guy like everybody's comparing themselves to somebody else like they're not judging me and it took me a while to get out of that and I think like

the new year this year got me to a place where I was like, fuck it. I am going to try this. I'm going to give it an effort and I'm just going to stick with it and commit. And I realized quickly that like it gave me such an amazing confidence in myself. So I created a practice around it. And I just realized quickly, like if I found something that makes me feel more confident and is actively really good for me and just creates a better mindset and a mentality around

Josh Felgoise (14:08.118)

my confidence and my abilities, my body image and all of that stuff, then I should keep doing that. And I've found that with lifting and I found that with journaling and I've found that with drinking a lot of water and I found that with getting good sleep, which I rarely do and reading, which I'm trying to do a lot more. I get on and off of that. shout out to two episodes ago, I had on Robert Tugoni. He's my literally like one of my favorite authors of all time.

And that was so so sick and I'm gonna have him back on in January, which is also amazing But yeah, those are four or five things that I've found that I can say actively make me feel better or I can like attribute feeling better too and There are things that I want to just keep doing into the rest of this year and into next year So that is the long answer to that short question. Okay, so when I sat down to do this episode I was kind of like I Don't know what I'm gonna do because I don't think I was gonna listen to this

So I'm just going to talk about a bunch of different questions and, and it ended up kind of, ended up kind of talking, like I got much deeper than I expected I would. And I think talked pretty significantly about like two very important topics. Like one, how my perspective of age has changed as I've gotten older. And then two, like what's one thing that I've done that has led to me feeling better or like led to me feeling great results. I think I gave more significant answers than I thought I would about them.

which happens sometimes, but I want to talk about one more thing because it's funny when I look through Reddit, like some of the questions are incredibly significant and are like the two things that I talked about and are very important to hear people's perspectives on and develop your own and, just like have conversations around. And then there's other things that are a little bit more surface level that are like.

How do you tell your close friend who's staying with you? You want them to leave and like I could give you an answer on that and like maybe I'll do that in a separate episode, but I'm gonna answer one and a half more questions because there was three significant questions in here and I just ended up talking about the significant ones and the lesser the more surface not less not lesser if you ask these questions, you're you're just as great as the other people of course, but now that I've answered these two I'm feeling deeper. So the last two are

Josh Felgoise (16:23.618)

How did you stop living for other people and start living for yourself? And I need advice on getting out of a funk and back into a life that feels like my own. And I just think those two questions are kind of similar, so I'm going to combine them and talk about how I think I've started living for myself. And I think it's kind of an extension of my last answer, which is I started doing the things that I've always kind of wanted to do.

or always thought that I should do or I've wanted to try and just thought I wasn't good enough to do so I didn't do. A great example of this is lifting or going to the gym and going to that section of the gym where all those beefy guys are and they look like they've been lifting for 45 years even though they're 21 years old and the most incredibly intimidating section of the gym. If you know what I'm talking about I'm sure you do and if you don't like I think I just gave a pretty good image of it like there's one section of the gym where like

The people who go to the gym obviously go to that section and there's like the other section where like people are like kind of flopping around like fish and like giving it their all, of course, but they're not they don't look like they've they don't look like Ryan Gosling. They look more like me and that's OK. And that's that's a section of the gym that I avoided for so long. And I think the way to start living for yourself is taking risks and risking failure and heading into failure face first and just knowing that you may fail.

and being okay with that outcome. I'll stick with that example of that section of the gym. When I first went to that bench press, I knew I would fail if I tried heavier weight. That didn't stop me from trying it and it didn't stop me from failing in a physical sense. I cannot lift this one more time. I have to put this bar down or it is going to fall on my chest and suffocate me.

And I think you have to fail. Like you just have to fail. And I think the only way to start living for yourself is heading face first and heading face first into failure and trying the things that you've always wanted to do. Because like, as I said in the beginning, like when I looked at that video from two years ago, two years has gone by in a flash and really a blank. Like, of course there are some days that feel like incredibly long days and there are weeks that feel like that and there are months that feel like that. And everybody has their times and their moments where

Josh Felgoise (18:45.774)

their experience isn't feeling like it should or life doesn't feel as it's supposed to and you're looking around wondering why everybody else is having such an amazing time and you're not and I think most people have been there or experienced something like that and I saw that picture from two years ago and where I'm at now I didn't think about those moments like I didn't think about the moments where I felt down or the moments where I felt super up I just thought about like how quick time has gone by and that may happen again in two years and what will you do

in the next day or the next week or the next month or the next year or the next two years that you'll feel confident about how you spent those two years or what will you do in that time that will make you feel good about the way you spent that time or make you feel like you spent that time well and wisely and you're happy with the way you did it and you're happy with the way you did things and you're happy with the way you've shaped your experience because of how you've done those things and I think that is the way you start living now.

actively pursuing the things you want to do without thinking about the outcome or without thinking about how people will view you or how it may change someone's perspective of you and doing something because you want to do it. And it's incredibly hard to do and it's much easier said than done. This podcast, for example, when I thought about starting it, I was I held myself back for so long because I was like, how will everybody think?

about me when i'm on here talking about my emotions and my mental health and my feelings and sharing it for anyone to hear like how will my friends think of that and how will people view me differently because of it and how will people at work view me differently and how will a boss view me differently and like just the world in general how will the perspective of me shift because i do something like this and i dove into it because my want to do it was greater than my fear of how everybody else will see me do it and

much greater than the fear of how I will see myself if I never try it and I never do it. And I think when you weigh those two things next to each other and you weigh how you'll view yourself differently if you don't try or how you'll view yourself if you do try, that is the way you will start living. And that is the way you'll find the drive or the push to do something. When you think about yourself in like a viewpoint of two years from now and think like,

Josh Felgoise (21:12.322)

How would I feel if I tried it or how would I look at myself review myself if I, if I gave it a shot or just tried and I look back at that person two years ago who wanted to start a podcast at that point and didn't because I hadn't had, I didn't have the confidence to do it. And now I know two years from now, I'll look back at myself and be so proud of myself for trying and giving it a real, real shot and doing this every single week and sticking with something and committing to it. So one is taking the risk and

viewing how you'll see yourself differently if you try it or if you don't and then the other one is committing to it and actually sticking to something and going at it every single day or every single week and really giving it a fair shot and saying like I tried this and I gave it my all and I stuck with it when it wasn't working and I continued with it when it was and I did it through the highs and it through the lows and I'm just so like I look back at that episode I did two weeks ago with the

the author that I had on and I'm so fucking proud of that episode. Like that is, that's, that was a dream thing for me to do. And I think it only happened because I'm so committed to it and I've, I've given myself the most fair shot that I know I can. And of course there's things I could still be doing more and more around this and like, and same with lifting in body image and confidence. Like I could be better about how I eat and that's something I'm continuing to work on and I still work on every single day.

And I can be better about this podcast where I've always wanted to make more clips for it. And I could do that every single day too. So there's always things that I could keep doing, but at the core of it, I'm sticking to the fundamentals. I'm doing lifting or strength training every day or a couple, bunch of times a week, five or six times a week. And I'm doing this every single week. So I'm keeping the core and I'm sticking to the fundamentals. and that is the best advice I could give anybody who wants to, to try something or wants to start living life for themselves.

And then my last piece of advice on this topic is to come back to guy set next Tuesday, the regularly scheduled episode, but I have a guest on it is his first ever podcast episode, his advice and his perspective on life and the experiences that mostly every single guy has in their twenties. And a lot of the questions that we all have his perspective and his advice on those topics was absolutely incredible. I don't know if you've ever seen his videos or if you have tick tock or not, but

Josh Felgoise (23:30.262)

His name is Martino advice. He comes on tick-tock and starts every video by saying advice from a 61 year old man and drops the most, best wisdom and knowledge. I'll share one of his videos with you right now. I've, I've just felt very inspired by this guy and I reached out to him after seeing one of his videos that I was just really inspired by and just taken back by. And I said like, Hey, I have this podcast I do called guy set. told him what I do here and I sent him a couple of episodes.

And I said, like, I just think what we're trying to do is really aligned and I would love to have you on. And he came on and it, it's really incredible. And I think you will benefit from hearing a lot of his advice and perspectives. I left that episode and I was just like, Whoa, I left that conversation and I felt so inspired by it. This is his top viewed video and it has 2 million likes on it and 10 million views. So here it is. And if this video resonates with you at all, which I'm almost certain it will.

then I'm almost certain next week's episode is really going to resonate with you when he comes on. I am so grateful that he lent me his time and lent all of us his time and spent an hour sharing just incredible, incredible advice. And when we first spoke, he told me he's never done anything like this in long form and spoken about advice or given advice for like an hour, like a podcast episode, because he only does these videos for two minutes or so every single time.

It was everything I wanted it to be and more. So here's the video.

largely due to all our insecurities, we don't realize that we are liked and loved more than we know. The reality is that someone in your class or at work really enjoys it when you show up, even if you've never or hardly ever spoken to them. And they're probably a bit disappointed on those days that you don't turn up or that childhood friend who you lost touch with probably thinks of you fondly from time to time, as you may of them, or that stranger whose path you crossed

Josh Felgoise (25:35.12)

They really liked your smile and it brightened their day somewhat so remember you may not know it but someone thought of you today and someone missed you today and someone loves it when you're there and someone finds you special and unique so don't spend your time trying to portray a different image of who you are or or Building an ego because remember ego is not the same as self-confidence You know love who you are

because your true nature is simply being. know, happiness is already within you. It's always been there. You are enough. Carpe diem. Advice from a 61 year old man. And he ends everybody by saying, carpe diem. It's the most horrible thing. I'm endlessly inspired by this guy and I'm beyond excited to put that episode out. It feels like exactly what this podcast is supposed to be and.

I can't wait for everyone to hear that one. And with that, I'm going to leave you. I don't know how I could continue after that. There's no following up after him with anything better than what he just said. So this was a whirlwind of an episode. It was not what I expected it to be and probably not what you expected it be because I started off by being like, this is going to be crazy. And then I ended up talking about life and existential crisis and finding you and living for yourself. And I think it was better than I could have ever expected. So.

Thank you so much listen to guys said a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh I'm 24 years old and every two Zach I'm on to talk about what should be talked about for guys in their 20s if like this podcast really big these black guys five stars and leave review that's one two three four five stars and leave a review Thank you so much. I really appreciate you doing that. It helps, you know all the shit. Thank you So if you have any question, they talk about they should be talked about saying to my email It's josh at guys that comm josh at GU is et comm and I'll be sure to talk about I'll make a whole episode around it like I just did for this one

Uh, or you can send to my DMS, it's the guy set T H E G U Y S E T on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Reddit, r slash guys set email website, guyset.com. Um, all the places there's a Google link in the show notes below. There's a way there's a thousand ways to reach me. I'm telling you come back next week for next week episode. is so, so, so good. Thank you so much. Listen to guys set. And I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.