Girlfriends, Hair Loss, and Gym Flirting: Dear Guyset

This is the second installment of my new series, Dear Guyset, where I answer questions that you guys send in to me, whether it's to my DMs, to my email at the guyset, T-H-E-G-U-I-S-E-T on Instagram, or my email joshagyaiset.com. Oh no, fuck, it's the other one. It's dear guyset at gmail.com, D-E-A-R-G-U-Y-S-E-T at guyset.com. Most of these came from DMs.

Or things I've read online like questions. I've found on reddit stuff like that came from guys in their 20s Just like you just like me and I will be sharing all of my answers to them here and now for you I'm really sorry if I sound congested at all. I spent this entire week feeling like sick as shit. I had a sinus infection I think and maybe the flu. I don't know but I was down for the count for most of the week

Watch, gonna be like, no, you sound exactly like you always sound. And that'll make me feel really bad about myself that I have a congested sounding voice all the time. So maybe you won't notice it and I'll feel awkward, or maybe you will. Regardless, let's get into the first question. Dear guyset, what are some nice things I can do for my girlfriend? I think...

Girls are much more simple than we make them out to be. Hear me out, I'm not saying that they're simple beings or that like, I'm not making any like big drastic cancelable take here by saying that they're simple. I'm just saying like, getting them flowers or doing something nice for them like that is sometimes so much more than we think it is and sometimes like means so much more to them than.

than it would to us obviously because that wouldn't mean a lot to us. There's nothing like that I think you can do for guys outside of respond to them and give them a hug. Give us a hug, I think it's the perfect thing to do. But what I would say to do for your girlfriend is to whenever you're thinking of her, send her a text. Send her a good morning text, say good morning, hi, thinking of you, love you, all that good stuff.

Josh Felgoise (02:30.092)

Whenever else you're thinking of her throughout the day, be like, I'm thinking of you and then send her something. Like if you see like a meme, if you see like something on the interweb, in the internet, on TikTok, on Instagram, like send it to her. Send her anything that makes you think of her so that she knows throughout the day that like she's on your mind because she probably is. You're probably not like just like the best communicator and I feel like that's totally fine. I think a lot of guys probably aren't the best communicators. So whenever you're thinking of her, send her.

Like a message saying that send her TikTok send her DMs. It's honestly really easy these days to keep in communication with people because we're all on so many different channels of social media and text and call and like there's just so many ways, so many ways to reach people now, whether it's literally sending them a DM. Like I think that that says you're thinking of them as much as like, obviously not as much as a text, but like it, it, it shows that you're thinking of them. So

Anything from buying her flowers to texting her whenever you're thinking of her sending her funny memes on Instagram Sending her like emojis like just I don't know keeping in contact with the person that you're in a relationship with is is probably the best way to do it obviously you're in contact but like I mean throughout the day and I don't think a lot of us guys are good at that because we're not good at that with friends like that's one of the things I try and work on a lot I think

most guys aren't really good at keeping in constant contact with friends and maintaining relationships like that. looking out for when you're not and like kind of taking note of that. if you've gone like, I don't know, a whole day and it's now six, 7 p.m. and you haven't talked to your girlfriend, it's probably a good time to like say hi, how are you checking in? Give her a call. I think outside of all of that, those are like the smaller little things.

Planning dates, I think is something that's really great to like, the question was what? Sorry, let me look at the question again. Nice things, small nice, no it doesn't say small, it just says some nice things, I made it small. Nice things I can do. Planning dates, I think really shows that you care. So I don't know how long you've been in the relationship, but planning dates I think never goes out of style in a relationship. So whether that's saying like, hey, I have something fun for us to do next Wednesday, are you free? You're like, hey.

Josh Felgoise (04:46.414)

It's not so different than like dating and Jen dating when you don't have a girlfriend like she's being like hey like what are you doing next? Obviously, it's more comfortable and you have a lot more comfort in relationships You're not like nervous for their reply or you don't know you're like anxious for what they're gonna say This is more so like hey, what are you doing next week? Let's make a plan and then she tells you the day and then you make something fun like you you plan a date night and You don't wait for her to make all of the plans. So that's another thing and then calling like

I think calling your girlfriend a bunch of times throughout the week, not like an obscene amount. I'm saying like once a day, once every other day. If you haven't talked to your girlfriend that day, it's probably a good sign to do it. And just make note of when you're not doing it and when, like figure out when in your day it's best for you to do that. Whether you're walking back from work, whether you're folding your laundry at night, like whenever it's best for you.

in your day, make sure you're reaching out saying hi, I love you and I can't wait to see you soon thinking of you stuff like that. I think all of that goes a really long way. All right, dear guyset, do you ever feel anxious about your job?

Do I feel anxious about my job? Yes, of course I do. Are you kidding me? I think everybody does. I think it's something that just we like seriously do not talk about outside of not even like with our friends that much because we just don't want to like show the cracks in our our like career and our success at the moment. So I think

I'll talk about myself and then I'll talk about everybody. I absolutely feel anxious about my job. Like there's so many moments where I'm unsure about one. I mean, there's so many different layers here. Like one, what I'm doing and if it's what I want to be doing. And I think it is. that I feel right now at the moment, like maybe last week I didn't, but this week right now I'm like, okay, this is something where I want to keep going in that direction. The other side of it is like,

Josh Felgoise (07:04.542)

Am I doing a good enough job at my work? The other side of it is like, am I going to be at this job in a year? And then there's another like layer of do they like me? Am I doing a good enough job for them? Like am I succeeding in their eyes? Am I going to get a raise? Am I going to get a promotion? Am I going to get fired? Like, I going to do they want to get rid of me? There's so I mean, not that you're going to get fired. Like, I don't think I'm going to get fired. But there's so

many things here that make me, I'll speak for myself, me anxious about my job. And that's not to say that I'm not happy in my career, that's not to say that I'm not feeling good about it at a lot of the times, but there's a lot of things that make me anxious about it too, and I think that's totally normal. And I was talking to a few friends about that this week. This is a topic that I have talked about with friends this week specifically.

And I think when you share that you're feeling anxious about a couple things with work, it invites someone else to as well. And then like, you can hear from your friend how they're actually thinking about feeling about their job too. And I think it's completely normal that so many of us feel anxious and maybe are like unhappy or unsettled, unstable by our job, by our positions right now. And I think it's okay. Like we're

We are very early in our careers. talked about this a lot in episode I did called the starting line a couple of weeks ago. We are really early in and I think it's normal to not know what the fuck is going on or if we're doing a good enough job or if we're being looked at as successful or as like competent enough to keep to stay at the job and get a promotion and get a raise and

especially when all that one year stuff comes around, out of the year and a half, two years, and you just never know. I think there's so much anxiety in work and in our careers. So to answer your question, yes. I have not fully fleshed out my thoughts to that answer, as you can hear, because I'm all over the place and I just went into four onion layers of anxiety about work. But all that to say, like,

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I'm comfortable enough to share that on here because I think it's real number one to feel that way about work and your job and your position and your title and and Promotions and raises and everything about work And two it's honest and that's how I'm feeling about all of it right now Because it's very real like I think it's very real to feel anxious about all of this in our careers right now

So am I anxious about my job? Yes. Okay. And by the way, there's so many reasons that people can, I'm like, I'm done with that question. And by the way, and I say like a hundred other things, there's so many reasons why somebody can feel anxious about their job, right? they can, and I'm not gonna go into all of them because there's literally a million reasons as to why somebody could feel that way. You could not like your boss. You could not like your coworker. You could feel like you were being pushed out of something. You could feel like you are.

being stepped on or walked all over by somebody. Like there are so many things and that's just like coworker dynamics. You could also feel like your work isn't like you don't feel fueled by your work. You don't feel like you're succeeding as much as you should be or could be. You don't feel like you're in the right place or in the right path. Like there's so many different things as I talked about in the beginning of like the layers of anxiety. So I'm not.

like picking one of them, I'm saying that I'm in a lot of them right now and that's okay. I'm telling myself it's okay by the way, like I'm not saying like that's I feel the need to reinforce the fact that it's okay to feel that way because I don't know what else to do about that other than like I think it's the best thing to do to share how I'm feeling to be honest about it with myself and then

be like, it's okay to feel that way. Like it's not abnormal. A lot of people your age are feeling that way and lost or unsure, uneasy, unsteady about it. And it is what it is. And that's, it's part of my like career journey and it's part of what's going on right now. And it's okay. The next question is, dear guyset,

Josh Felgoise (11:48.728)

Can I go up to a girl at the gym and ask for her number? I didn't mean to take such a long pause there. Yes, I would absolutely say yes, you can. I'm just remembering a time at which I know a girl at my gym. I went to college with her. We're friends, you could say. We're friends from college. We are. She'll this podcast to shout out. And I've seen a bunch of guys walk up to her at the gym.

and flirt with her. mean like, okay, let's take a step back. Gyms are a very male dominated space, I think. And I think that's not a hot take. Mostly guys are, it's mostly like, you're seeing a lot of guys near the weight section. Every time I'm there, it's probably like 80-20 split, I would say, guys to girls. So acknowledge that first and foremost that,

the girls are probably on high alert for the guys either looking at them, checking them out, watching them. And that's probably uncomfortable. Like I'm just putting myself in their shoes. That probably like isn't the most, that's probably not something you like always want. When you're going for a workout, like when I'm going to the gym, I don't want to be seen by anybody. Like I'm not trying to have conversations or

strike up a new friendship like that's not what I'm there for. mean usually I usually look like a sweaty wildebeest and like that's not my intention at the gym and it never has been like even when I was single that was not my intention to meet somebody at the gym. So I'm putting myself in the girl's shoes at the gym who's just going for a relationship or not wow going for a workout not relationship going for a workout maybe like is thinking about the fact that she looks like a sweaty wildebeest.

And doesn't want to be hit on or asked for her number So just put yourself in that mindset. I'm not saying to not do it or not walk up to somebody like I i'm always gonna encourage walking up to somebody and Saying hi asking for their number shooting your shot just acknowledge the space that you're in and that it's like a male dominated space and Like it may they may not be in the most like comfortable mindset when you walk up to them like they may be like on their back foot when you do

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because they've either been approached a lot because they like have to deal with this a lot and they may not want to talk to you because they may not want to also get a workout in. So just know all of those things before you go up to her again. It's not me saying don't do it. I encourage it if you think the signals are right and you think that like she's willing and open for conversation. I think it's hard. Like I think I actually all this to say like

walking up to somebody at the gym and asking for their number is hard. There's specific gyms like the one I go to is like a gym gym where people are just there working out. Everyone has their headphones. They come in. They like fill up their water bottle. They do their shit and they go out like that's that gym. Some gyms are like community gyms where like you're in like workout classes and stuff. So I don't know. It depends on your gym and it depends on like I wouldn't do it. That's just me personally. I wouldn't do it. I just think

There's as I was like, yeah, fuck yeah gung-ho like go go say hi. She's shocker And I'm like, no, I actually wouldn't do it like there's so many things that are pushing against you and back to The girl that I was talking about that I know from college at the gym so many guys have come up to her and asked for her number and I've seen one of the interactions like I was doing core. Yeah, so sick. I was doing core a core workout and Actively like she was

Actively saw this conversation in front of me. She was like to the left and this guy was doing core like next to her and he like kind of like leaned over and was like, yeah, like, what's up, babe? Like, hey, and like she was like, hi, how are you? And I think he's like, he said, like, I'm I'm Cam. Nice to I'm just making up a name like I'm Cam. Nice to meet you. And she was like, hi, I'm Danny. I am Danny. Nice to meet you. And he was like, so like you come here often. And she was like, yeah, like I'm here every day. Like, this is my fucking gym. And.

Cam was like, yeah, like me too. I work out like, so I got your number and then she was like, oh, like actually I have a boyfriend. And I think that's probably like the, even if she didn't have a boyfriend, like I feel like she might just say that to like get out of the conversation. So just know that that interaction between Cam and Danny could be what happens to you. And I think there's better places to meet somebody than a gym. I, that's just my personal opinion. You can totally disagree with me. And if you want to go up to her and it works out and you do, and you end up.

Josh Felgoise (16:37.752)

falling in love and having babies, let me know. Please let me know. Dear guyset, I feel like I'm too small. How do I get bigger? I'm assuming you are referring to the gym because like there's no other way to get bigger. So I'm going to respond to this question as if it's about the gym. I'm assuming it is. I don't know why my first my first instinct went to penis size.

but that's also probably a question I should talk about on here at some point. I'm gonna go with that this is referring to the gym. How do I get bigger? Let's stick with that. I just had a guest on, his name was Taylor. It's the last episode I just did actually. This is really good timing. And we addressed this question specifically, this is probably where that question came from now that I'm thinking about it. He gave his answer to it. He talked about how he was a really small guy.

in the beginning of college or leading up to college and kind of how he bulked and gave all of his like tips for how to get bigger if you're a small guy. So go back and listen to his advice on that on that specific topic that specific question. He had really great insights to that. I've never had that issue. Honestly, I've always been the reverse of like I want to figure out how to gain muscle.

and get skinnier at the same time so I've never been felt like I'm too small or too skinny. Skinny would have been a better word if you're listening. That would have clarified a lot of things. Maybe it's just me that has a dirty mind and thought that immediately. So I would say that go listen to his tips on it. I don't want to like speak for him or paraphrase what he said because he had really great advice to that. So just go back and listen to that episode.

That's such a perfect example of like why it's so important to have guests on here because all of us guys at in our twenties have such different experiences. And the fact that like he's the reverse of me, he was a super skinny guy and always wanted to bulk up, always wanted to get bigger. And that he came on and gave his advice for that is like the perfect like it's the perfect reason for this podcast and why I'm so excited about doing it and having guests on like Taylor, like in that last episode.

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To share his advice so listen to that episode Dear guys set I've I lost it fuck where to go dear guys set I have been on two dates with this girl, but I don't know if I'm invested should I go on another date? This depends on so many different things, but my initial gut reaction is to say yes, you should go on another date because The fact that you're not out on it like you're not

Icked out by her or you sent in like she did something weird and I felt like the vibe was off. You didn't say anything like that. You didn't say like the vibe was off. You didn't say anything was like glaringly weird. You just said like, I'm not sure if I'm invested. So if you're in that like middle area of I'm not sure if I want to keep doing this, but like I'm up in the air. I lean toward the side of like, see one more time, go on another date and that will answer your question. So instead of like,

dealing with this question in your head of like, like, do I like her? Do I not? Should I give her another chance? Should I not? Like, I think you should because the date will answer the question for you of whether there's a spark, whether there's a click, whether there's a connection between you guys on that next date. So if you're up in the air about it and they're like, well, I don't know, like this, the first date was nice. The second date was nice. Like, I just don't know if there's a connection here. I just don't know if I want to see this out further.

The one more time of spending an hour and a half with that person or longer, whether you're going to drinks, whether you're going to dinner, whatever you're going to do together, you will be able to see from that conversation if this is something you want to further pursue, if this is something you want to keep doing and keep going after, after that next date. So I would always say if you're unsure at the second, go on the third. I personally from life experience.

I personally, from my own experience, would, like, I've had that from the first date of like, I'm not sure. And I always think on the second to see, like, if you're not out on it, go on the second and you'll know from there. And if the second you're like, well, I don't, I think so. I think with more time with spent with that person, when you spend more time with that person, you get to know them better. You get to know them on a deeper level and you get to know a lot more about them.

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So I think you may actually start to like them even more or see things about them that you didn't get to see from the first two times. You're a lot more open with each other. You're a lot more honest. You can start to see a lot more of their personality after the second date. And I think you can always like you may be able to find like the best thing that you never know by giving someone else another chance. That make any sense? You may be able to find something that you never like there may be an opportunity here.

for something that like you may be throwing away if you don't give it that extra chance, that extra shot. So I would definitely say do it. And then please write back in after the next date and let me know if it went well and if you're gonna go on another fourth and keep going after that. And maybe like this could be a relationship. So let me know if this was good advice or if the third date was terrible and that was bad advice. I do think overall though, like if you're in that like, I don't know.

Right now, go on the next date and that date will answer that question, whether it's the first or second or third, honestly. Dear guyset, I feel like my hairline is receding. Has this ever happened to you? Yes. To answer your question quickly, yes it has. And there's a couple things. So I went on Accutane my junior year of high school because my acne was really bad and...

I've talked about AcuSane before and my acne journey or whatever you want to call it on early, early, early episodes. I probably did one called like acne and skincare. It feels like that's something I would have done. And that led to like my hairline. It felt like receding, but I also like looked at my dad and he has a very similar hairline to me and it may just be genetics.

but also like it did feel like it was going faster and that's one of the side effects of it. So whether whatever it is that it's leading to your feeling of a receding hairline like it's not abnormal for guys to have a receding hairline especially in like their 20s and start to like I don't know lose hair recede hair whatever you want to call it. I do think there are really good solutions out there. I don't have the one for you but I think like you should probably like see like a dermatologist or a

Josh Felgoise (23:45.694)

As you know, I'm not a doctor, obviously. or somebody like that who can like guide you with it. when I did, when I was losing my, when I felt like I was having a receding hairline, this really did help me a lot. I went on, I went on, I used Rogaine. but you just have to use that shit so consistently. Like you have to use it every single day, morning and night for like a year to see results.

There's other things you can do. I know people like you can I'm not even saying this is joke like this isn't supposed to be funny like you can fly to Turkey and get like a hair transplant That's an option. It's a thing like if it's a big insecurity of yours, like there are options out there for you. So know that Like you can get like hair. My god, I know somebody who's done the turkey thing. Maybe I should bring him on

If he's willing to talk about it, I feel like he totally would be because he was like he was like, yeah, he was so honest about it and he looks great now, by the way, like his hairline looks so good. So I didn't go to Turkey. I just used Rogaine and I used it for like a couple of months consistently. And it worked like it definitely did work. There are some like hair things you could take. I don't know. I'm going to end my spiel spiel there. But yes, it has happened to me before. I think it's part of my genetics as well that my

My dad has that same hairline so I think that's just what it's gonna be for me. it's okay. Like I think a lot of guys have it. And you can also like cut your hair in ways that it doesn't look as... there's ways to like disguise it to make you feel better about it. that shouldn't... There's ways to work around it, I'll say. So there's a lot of online solutions. Not online, there's a lot of solutions.

to this question, but to answer your question that has happened to me before. And the final question, drum roll please. Dear guyset, what should I text after my date? This is one of the most frequently asked questions that I get sent into me from guys. What should I say after a date, whether it's a first date or a second date? And it's also a question I had a lot.

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when I was going on lot of first dates and I was just unsure about what to say or How to say it and overthought about a lot. So I'm totally with you in this like this is something that I've I Definitely overthought a lot about and my advice has been pretty consistent on this one since I first gave my advice on it and I'll share that again because it's a it's a question that I get asked a lot is I would send something like

Hey, I had a really great time with you tonight. Would love to see you again. Exclamation mark if you're feeling that way, send. No over thought there. It's a really simple text. It talks about how you had a really great time tonight and that you wanna see them again. Like it hits the two notes perfectly. Like you enjoyed your date with that person and you wanna spend more time with them. From that text, you'll be able to see everything. If they heart it, they obviously are into it and they wanna see you again too and they'll respond and then you'll just go from there.

And then there's no more need to overthink like you should just be yourself and start texting like you. But that is a really like I think good like formulaic kind of text. Of course you can add you should add your own spin to it and say whatever you want from there. You can add whatever you want. Accents exclamation marks emojis like maybe don't send an emoji. Smiley face like whatever you want to do to make it your own.

But I think that is a really great, easy thing to send after the date, assuming you had a great time and you want to see that person again. That's what I would send. And I'm assuming this person is because they're asking about what they should send. And I've waited now way too long to respond to them. And they had to wait and they probably never responded. No, I'm just kidding. I responded to that person on their own and now I'm answering it here too, because it's a question I get a lot. yeah, that text is perfect. And then...

they'll probably respond saying like, Hey, I had a really good time with you too. Like, we'd to see you again. And then you can say, how's next Wednesday at seven 30. Perfect. Like that's, that's super simple. And you pick a date and a time and you make another plan. And then I think another thing you could do if the conversation is still going and you just want like more advice on it is to reference something from the date. So whether you talked about severance or you talked about a movie that you want to both see or something like that, like

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I think that's the perfect thing to then plan the next date. So if she talked about the fact that she loves margaritas or she loves Negronis, you should be like, hey, I know this really great Negroni spot. How's next Wednesday at 730? Or, and you just pull like one thing from what you said and like that becomes your next date. So it also shows that you were listening and that you care and that you are intentional about thinking about what she'd want to do next. And you're just like being a very caring, thoughtful guy.

Who doesn't want to be a very caring thoughtful guy? So I think that's the best thing to send after a date and Have fun on your next date Okay, that is the second installation of dear guy set. I hope you liked this episode If you like this podcast or the hope a day, please like subscribe with this podcast five stars in review That's one two, three, four five stars not four not three not two no one. It's five stars Thank you so much and leave a review subscribe like to the podcast

You can also check out guyset.com, g-u-i-s-e-t.com for this month's latest magazine for the podcast, for the blog, so much other good stuff on there. If you had anything on top that should be talked about for guys in their 20s, send it to my email. It's josh at guyset.com or dear guyset at gmail.com. Both emails are run by me and I check both of them all the time. Um, not a lot comes in, but I check them all a lot. And we can send it to my DMs at the guyset, T-H-E-G-U-Y-S-E-T. And I will be sure to talk.

Thank you so much. Listen to guys set a guy's guide to what should be talked about and I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.