First Dates, Friendships Changing, and Feeling Stuck: Dear Guyset

Welcome to another Ask Me Anything episode that I call Dear Guyset, where I answer questions that you guys have submitted or written into me, questions that I have found online or questions that have come up in my own life that friends have asked, that I've heard people ask, things that I just am hearing over the past month, and I'm trying to do these episodes once a month, once like every other month-ish.

because the last one I did was, think, the most popular episode I think I've ever done on Guy Set, which is insane. So you guys liked it, which is amazing, and I'm so excited about that. And I love doing these. These are probably some of my favorite episodes to do because it's just my thoughts on the questions that come up. And I have right here this Spider-Man bucket hat filled with 10 questions, things that have been submitted, things that guys are wondering about, anxious about, curious about.

Want to know another guy's opinion on and I don't claim to know all the answers like this is kind of like my little like disclaimer like I don't claim to know all the answers I don't have all the answers This is just my opinion on everything like I think it's sometimes really helpful just to hear somebody else's opinion on your question that may not be Your friend or may not be your family like somebody else. That's I don't know maybe near your age Similar age kind of range that you want to hear an opinion on so

Like, my answer is just like my thought and it's one guy's answer but I think it's really helpful to know that one, you're not alone in the way you're thinking and the way you're feeling about stuff because I think out of all 10 of these questions, I have had exact thoughts or very similar thoughts to everything I'm about to talk about and I haven't looked at these questions in a little while. I wrote them down a couple days ago and put them in the hat and I'm gonna randomly pick them up and answer. So I haven't like pre-thought through these answers or...

Like you'll you'll be able to tell that obviously when I'm like, hmm, like that's a good question Like thank you so much for asking and then I'm like trying to like buy time for myself before I give you the answer So you'll know that I haven't like looked at these or thought through these answers But I just think it's always really helpful to have somebody else's opinion on on this stuff and know that you're not the only one Thinking about this stuff or feeling this way or curious about this and a lot of the time There's no other place to find answers. There really is no place to find answers to these questions

Josh Felgoise (02:40.002)

Which is the reason I started GuySet in the first place to kind of create a space where I could talk about these questions in longer form and then bring guests on to talk about different subjects that I don't know as much about or hear more information about. So these are kind of the times where I get to answer everything or give my opinion or my advice or my perspective on everything. And I guarantee you that one of these questions you have asked before

you have thought about before and may not know the answer to or may have never heard a different piece of advice on may still be thinking about and like may still be wondering about. let's get into it. The first question is drum roll please. I'm pulling it from the hat. Hold on.

Josh Felgoise (03:28.558)

And you can, I have a paper, it's a whole process here. It's like a magic hat. Okay. Should I shave before my date? So this could be a couple of things, shaving a different, a couple of different areas. Yes. My answer to that question ultimately is yes. I think I'm starting with your face. Like I think you should absolutely shave your face unless you have like a distinct beard that isn't patchy. you know,

that you have grown out and it's like a part of your face. don't know. Like, unless you have a beard, like have a couple of friends now who have distinct beards that they keep and it's like their thing. They have it, they wear it to work. Do you wear a beard? I don't know. Do you just have a beard? That they have and it's just like a part of them now. So unless you have like a distinct beard and it's not patchy and doesn't look shitty,

then I would shave. Like for me personally, I shave before a date and I would always shave before a date. Now, if we're talking about the downstairs area, I would absolutely shave. Like my kind of two cents here is if you'd want them to shave, I would shave. Like if you would prefer that they be shaven, then I would shave. And if you don't care, then like you don't care. And that's that's personal preference. But if you do care, then like do what you'd want them to do.

if that makes sense. So if you want them to shave, you should shave. So ultimately, should I shave before my date? Yes, you should shave before your date. Especially like I feel like most of us have like really patchy facial hair. And it's just like, I don't know, girls take so long to get ready before dates, like they have to put on makeup, they have to do their hair, they have to they have to do all this shit. And like we can literally take 10 minutes before a date, shower, shave, poop, put on deodorant, put on cologne.

Find an outfit and like be out the door. Like that's really all we have to do. Like there's a couple things that cut your nails, brush your teeth. I'm just thinking of like other things to do before a first date. Definitely cut your fingernails. That's just like another thing. Like we have such little things we have to do before a date that like we should be doing the bare minimum, which is shaving our face and looking good, unless you have a beard. It just depends on the person. I'm assuming that...

Josh Felgoise (05:41.772)

You don't have like a solid beard if you're asking that question. Anyway, question two. Is it all right to show up on a first date in work clothes? I'm assuming that you are like, you are like a businessman. So you work at a place where you're wearing like a button down and slacks or pants. Absolutely. It's okay to show up on a date in work clothes. Like if you're coming from the office,

And you're going to be late if you go home before and like you even have a backpack like or your work bag, whatever you have. think it's totally fine to show up to a date from, think it's like good to show up from a, from work to a date. One, it means you're prioritizing the date. Like you obviously have a busy schedule and you don't have time to go home first and do whatever you want to do before that. So you're still making time for the date. You're not canceling it because of work. you're

work-life balance, you're making it work for yourself and I think that's a good thing and too like you probably look nice going to work so you're gonna look nice on the date too and I don't think it's a bad thing to be wearing a button down and slacks like it's also is a good conversation starter to be like sorry like I just came from the office like I'm such a busy day like so I think it's a good thing I don't think there's any harm in showing up from work from like the office to

Date I mean unless you're like a farmer and you smell like shit or something like I don't know unless you're like really dirty like if you're coming from an office or a place where you look nice and You're already like pretty dressed up That's probably even more dressed up than you would be on the date like if you're going on a first date now I feel like you're gonna wear like a nicer t-shirt and like a bomber jacket or like a Shacket something like that or a button-down shirt and pants like you probably already look really nice

So there's really no harm in it. And again, it's a conversation starter and then she'd be like, like, do do for work? like, I'm banking. So it's just a good, it's a, it's a great place to start and no harm in it. Like if you have a bag, you can put it on the table. I don't think, I don't think you're going to lose any points for looking like you have a good job. And I actually think you could, gain like points for that because it looks like you're successful and you are successful. Okay. Question three.

Josh Felgoise (08:02.026)

Is it bad if I'm a bad texter for dating? Hmm, yes. I think that is a bad thing for the most part. I think that in order to, and I'm assuming you're dating, so like you didn't write like girlfriend, so I'm assuming that you're dating around. And I think for the most part, people look for somebody that's communicative and responsive.

And that doesn't mean you have to be on your phone 24 seven, but that does mean you're keeping a conversation throughout the day and you're checking in saying, hi, how are you? Like asking how their day went, especially if you've gone on like one or two dates, like, and you're trying to keep it going. I think being a bad texter can, I don't know. I think it's, there's only cons to it in dating. Like I really think it's important to be responsive and really

I don't know, like stay up to date with the people you're talking to so that you're not like, Hey, sorry, like it's been a week. Like, are we still on for tomorrow? They're going to be like, no, like you haven't responded to me in so long. Like I didn't think we were on because you didn't respond. And like, how would I have expected that we're still on? Like, I just think that being a good texter is a good way to keep the good vibe going, keep your conversation going.

Um, it's also a way to get to know more about them and like, I don't know, we're all on our phones all the time. And even if you are a bad texter, like I just talked about this on my episode with my roommate, Reed, I think it was like two episodes ago. And we talked about how we're both like not great. He, I think he brought it up. He said like, he's not a great texter or like a communicator. Like he's not great with keeping up with old friends and maintaining like.

Keeping up with their lives because he's super busy and he's never been a good communicator to begin with and I think that happens for a lot of guys like I think that's probably a truth for a lot of guys that were not really good at texting old friends or being like hey, how are you? How's it going and just like keeping up with everybody's lives it gets really hard it becomes harder and harder as the years go on and Especially as you get busier and you get busier with work and you get a promotion and you have more to do

Josh Felgoise (10:19.306)

and you're in a relationship and you're moving like a lot of shit comes up and it becomes really hard to keep up with people and I think that's a thing a lot of guys have I think it's a diagnosis a lot of guys would be diagnosed with is being a bad texter and like it's not a great thing I think for dating because if you don't respond for a few days or you don't and I think like hours is fine like you don't have to be on your phone all the time especially if you're working like you it's totally fine but

If you're not responding for days, like you seem disinterested or you don't seem like you want this to continue. And that may not be the case because you could just be a bad texter. I would really work on that. Like I would try and fix that. I don't want to say bad habit because like texting shouldn't be a habit, but I would try and like incorporate that into your life and be like, all right, like maybe I can.

Check in around five 30 after work. Like if I'm walking back from work or if I'm on the subway back from work, I'm about to drive back like before you get in the car, after getting the car on the subway, like wherever your mode of transportation is, I don't have to keep going with all the modes of transportation. But if it's after work, like I think that's a great time to be like, all right, let me check in. Or if it's, while you're making dinner or right after dinner, before you shower, like if you can find that time in the day to be like, all right, now is when I'm going to check in or see if she texted me.

and keep the conversation going. And if you can make that time a priority for yourself, I think that's how you become a not a bad texter. That's how you become a good texter, how you become a good communicator. And if you can just make that time for the person you're seeing or the people you're seeing, I think that will solve a lot of the issues. But I do think ultimately it's not a great thing for dating to be a bad texter or a bad communicator.

I think that's the only way to continue the relationship and keep them thinking you're interested and actually also to stay interested is to get to keep knowing more about them and continue the conversation. The next question is a long one. Okay. Let's if I can my handwriting. A lot of my friends are moving and I'm feeling anxious about what, wait, have to, Jesus, Josh, you have to write better. Okay. A lot of my friends are moving and I'm feeling anxious about how far apart we're all going to be.

Josh Felgoise (12:35.618)

I don't know if there's any advice for this, but I'm wondering if other people are feeling this way too. You are preaching to the choir. Like I think that is how I'm feeling personally. Like I can speak to that. I feel like all of my friends are moving. And when I first moved to New York, all of my friends were within like a 10 block radius, which is insane. Like I felt like everybody was super close and I was seeing everybody all the time and I always had weekend plans with everybody. And I was just like,

We were all making time for each other because it was so easy to do that. And we were all so close to each other. We were within like a literal walking distance. And if not, it was like a one stop on the subway and it was really easy. And that was the priority at the time. Like fortunately and unfortunately for us now and for us then, like our priority was hanging out with each other and seeing each other and, and hanging out. And like, it was like college 2.0.

And I now think as time has gone on and as time does go on, like we're now three years out of college going on to four years out of college. And maybe it's two, I don't know. It's something like that, but whatever it is. Priorities are shifting. Like people care more about their work and their career and they want to strive for better in their career and are doing better. They have more to do. Their busier schedules. People have relationships that are getting more serious. People are moving in with their girlfriends.

and people are separating from the roommates they used to have. Like I'm moving out from my two roommates. I think that everybody, and it's not, guess priority is not the right word, but it's like life is evolving and like, yeah, it's not like, it's not a different priority. It's just like people are evolving and lives are changing because of that. That's just kind of like how it works. And I, as you can see, I don't have all the words for this because this is something I'm still processing in real time too. Like,

You said that all your friends are moving and you're feeling anxious about it. And, you don't know if there's advice for this. You're wondering if people are feeling this way too. Like, I feel this way too. Like this is something that I think I'm experiencing currently today, yesterday, tomorrow, for the next weeks, whatever it is. And I think I'm assuming a lot of my friends are too. And I think that is why it's even more important to start prioritizing.

Josh Felgoise (14:59.904)

your friendships and those relationships even more and checking in with your friends and seeing how they're doing and sending those one-off texts or those one-off memes and like keeping those relationships alive because the farther apart we get the harder a part of is no the farther apart we get the harder it becomes yeah like people are just evolving and it is what it is like this is this is the the kind of weird part about your 20s that i think isn't talked about a lot like

There's that period after college where it's kind of like, it feels like a college 2.0 and you're like, this is all new. This is all exciting. Like, my God, I want to do everything and I can do everything. And then that two year period kind of transitioned into this new one where like, all right, now everyone's moving again. And it's this constant period, this constant time in our lives where there's the only constant is change. And it's so normal to feel anxious about that.

Like it's so normal. And I would say my advice on that is to talk to your friends about it because when you know that someone else is feeling that same way too, it makes you feel so much better for feeling that way. And I hope I can be that for you too. Like if that's enough for you, then that's amazing. And like I've even, even hearing you write that in makes me feel better about my anxiety about it all. And I think it's totally normal, but I would say like,

Reach out to like one of your friends that you'd be like, hey, are you also feeling like really anxious about all of this right now? Because this is a lot of change at once right now. And I feel like they're going to say like, yeah, absolutely. Like I might not have thought about it that way, but like, yeah, this is so much at once. And, holy shit, like fuck. And I think that, we don't do that a lot as guys. We don't have that conversation with friends just to be like, Hey, are you also feeling this way? Like, are you also feeling like super anxious about all this or are you also

feeling like you don't know what's going on and how this is all going to work. And they're going to be like, yeah, because I think that's the case for mostly everybody right now. And I think that's probably a pretty universal experience in our twenties. And I don't know if that changes. I don't know if that stops or I guess it just gets easier with time and the more experience you have with it to deal with the change and understand the change.

Josh Felgoise (17:21.938)

and learn how you are in that change. So I am absolutely feeling that way too and I hope that's helpful advice. And I think even further, like if you're feeling super anxious about it, I think it's an amazing idea to talk to like a therapist about this type of thing. I feel like that type of person would be super well equipped, is super well equipped to give you real tips or I'm not saying my stuff isn't real tips, but like, you know what I mean.

like a therapist versus me, like it's a little different, but it's very different. But the real, like real things you can do to kind of like fix that anxiety or make it easier to deal with if it's really bogging you down and if you're really overwhelmed or really, really anxious. So I would say those two things are a great place to start. I say this a lot, but I would also say like write down your feelings, like write down.

And I hope that doesn't come off as weird, but like just write down the way you're feeling. Once it's out into the world and like onto paper, it's so much easier to understand how you're actually feeling. And it's not all just like swirling around in your head. Once it's on paper, you're like, okay. Like that actually makes a lot of sense. Like, of course I'm feeling anxious about this. There's a lot going on. This is a crazy time in my life. And it's a crazy time for all of my friends. Like that makes sense. And it just makes you feel a little bit better just to know that that's not a weird feeling. And you shouldn't feel weird for feeling that way.

The next question is... I hope I answered your question. The next question is, my girlfriend and I have been together for a year. What should I get her? Ooh, okay. My brother and his girlfriend have been together for a year and they just celebrated their one year anniversary this past weekend. And I think what he did and what she did was perfect. So I'm gonna share, I hope I can share that. Like I hope they're not like, what the fuck? I think what they did was really great. So...

They went out to dinner to celebrate. went to like a nice fancy dinner. They drank wine and they exchanged like small gifts. I forget exactly what he got her or if he just paid for dinner, which I think is also totally enough. Like I think that's the perfect thing to do for one year. She made him this look kind of like, and girls are really good about this. And I feel like guys are not. She made him this like one year of us type like scrapbook picture thing where it's like pictures from the past year.

Josh Felgoise (19:44.854)

And I think that is the nicest thing ever. Like if a guy was to do that for a girl, like you fucking won, you would win. Like no guy has the foresight. I'm not speaking for everybody, but I'm speaking for most, I guess most guys. No guy has the foresight to be like, let me print out all of these pictures of us and go back through a year of pictures and find all of them and like write nice notes next to all of them or put them in like this picture frame. Like I don't have the foresight to do that. I don't think a lot of people do. So

If you could do that, like I think that's the nicest gift. And I think anybody would love that. So if like a year of like pictures or like a small scrapbook or a small like collage of pictures and dinner. And I think that's like perfect to do for one year. Yeah. Like if you had the ability to the foresight, like please you would absolutely fucking win. Okay. The next question is, should I keep a condom on me?

It depends where I think if you're going out, I think it's always a safe thing to have a condom on you. there's your, your it's never bad to be like, like pulling it back out of the jeans pocket back into the drawer. Like nothing happened tonight. I think that's totally fine. Like I think it's so much better to be safe than sorry. And if you do come into the situation where you are going to use it, like you're going to use it. So it's never a bad thing to have it on you.

Should you be carrying around with you 24 seven? No, you don't need to be carrying around with you 24 seven. But if you're going out and you're like looking for a hookup or you're hoping to hook up with somebody tonight, you're going to text somebody that you're hooking up with, like it's a great thing to have on you. Yes, I think you should keep a condom on you. And I feel like, by the way, this is a question that every guy has, especially younger. I'm assuming this is a younger guy that wrote this in. And if it's not, I'm sorry. Like if it's not, that's totally great. Like you could be 25 and write that in. could be 30 and write that in.

Whoever wrote that in, I love you. Thank you for writing a question in. Thank you so much. Yeah, I think this is a question I had when I was like 17, 18. Like should I be carrying this around me all the time? And yeah, like I think it's always a good thing to have on you. like if you, I've heard that if you keep it in your wallet, they become less functional. So just be careful about that. But I think it's a good place to put it. Yeah, actually no, just like replace it every once in a while. Don't keep like a one year old condom in your wallet.

Josh Felgoise (22:07.572)

Definitely make sure it's like a newer one because I think they they definitely have an expiration date first and foremost So you should be buying them frequently, especially if you're using them frequently So if you have one in your wallet that you've had in there for a while This is your reminder to replace that because it's probably either expired or like it's damaged and you want something that's gonna be effective Obviously, that's the point of using it a condom. So you want it to be effective So, I would say like definitely replace it every couple weeks

to sure it's peak effectiveness. But yes, I think it's a great thing to have a condom on you if you're going out. Obviously, you don't need it if you're going to work or you're going to the gym or you're like, whatever. But if you're going out, which is probably what you're saying, it's a good thing to have on you.

And it's not embarrassing, by the way, to have that on you, like... Safety's sexy, come on. Okay. The next question is... Okay, I think that this is probably a situation that everybody has encountered at some point, that like, the review didn't go as well as they wanted, and there were things that they thought they were gonna hear that they didn't hear.

And I think first and foremost, you should address each kind of note of criticism or critique like head on. So don't get defensive, which is something that I have done before and be like, well, I thought this in this and I thought this in this and like this thing in this. Don't be defensive. Like accept the criticism or whatever it is head on and think about how you can improve or what you can change to fix.

that thing. I think that's the first and most important thing. Just don't be defensive, like take it on the chin and be like, all right, like I could be doing better at this and sit with it. Like don't react immediately. I would definitely say like, thank you for the feedback or I appreciate this. Like I would love to discuss with you what ways I can improve or how I can continue to improve or

Josh Felgoise (24:18.55)

what I can do to fix A, B, and C. Like what are the ways that I can fix all of this? And I'm assuming it's your manager that's delivering the news or the bad news in this scenario. So I would say to them, like, I would love to check in with you in one month and see how I've improved in each of these areas and talk with you about what I can continue to do at that time. Like,

I want to make sure that I am doing everything in my power to fix the things that aren't working or fix the things that I'm messing up on or the mistakes I'm making. So I'd love to continue this conversation with you and not have a review in six months, but have it in a month and then in two months and continue to make this progress like alongside you and see what I can do to improve.

I think that type of thing is always good and it shows that you care and it shows that you're like the fact that you wrote this in shows that you care the fact that you took the time to be like hey like what what do think I should do? I think that you're somebody who obviously cares about the job and that most likely is coming through so I would say like you're not gonna get fired like unless this is really bad like it's probably not that you because you didn't write like this is I had a horrible review you said it wasn't as good as you wanted it to be so

I would like sit back from the feedback for a second or like to like step back from it and be like, okay, how can I improve on all of this personally and start there and then ask them for their fee. Like in the moment, obviously ask them for their feedback, but like continue to ask feedback. whenever you have a one-on-one with them again, a one-on-one meeting or a discussion or whatever it is, if you have a weekly call, a bi-weekly call, I would ask them like, Hey, is there anything else I can do for you?

Is there any other ways I can improve? And I would also ask like, Hey, how has my work on this been? Or, Hey, like, have I improved on this? And it's not annoying if you're doing it every once in a while. I wouldn't ask them every single day. Like I would try and make that like a weekly thing. and they'll see how much you care. And that's really what's important that they see you're caring and they see you're putting the effort in to make the changes. So,

Josh Felgoise (26:36.204)

I think alone by continuing to ask them like, like, have I improved in these areas? And if not, like what else do, would you recommend that I do asking the source head on is the best way to do it. And continue to keep that conversation as like an open dialogue. It's something that a lot of people who are early in their careers, I was afraid to do this early on. Like I didn't want to have a review until I had to have a review. So I kept it to like six months in a year. Like I didn't really want to keep talking about the feedback I received or

what I could do better because I didn't, that conversation is scary and awkward and it's just like not something you want to do. It's not something anybody wants to do, but if you're at a point where you feel like you want to be doing better, then it should be an open dialogue and you should feel comfortable to continue asking those questions and keep this conversation open into like, what can I do better? And, and is there anything else I can be doing to, fix my, my work? The next question.

is and that's by the way something I could do better at like I'm thinking I'm giving this advice and like I'm not always doing that in my own job like I'm I'm like I should actually do that like I should go back to the recent feedback that I got and be like hey have I improved in these areas like are you seeing that I'm improving and if not like what what would you prefer I do or is there a way I could show you how I'm improving is there a way I could show you the different work is there like a

Something else that you could see that would make this more visible to you And I think that would make me a better a better worker like I think the my manager would appreciate if I went to them and said hey like I got this feedback I had a similar experience a couple months ago where like the the review I got wasn't as as there was a piece of the review that I was like really like fuck and at first like I in my head I was like well I don't think that's true because of this and this and like no, I don't really agree with that but

I knew the best thing in that moment was to just take it and be like, I'm sorry, like I will fix that. And, I would like to talk about that in a month and see how I've improved. And I think I would also benefit from just being like, Hey, have I improved in this? And if not, like, what could I be doing? yeah, I'm just thinking like, I'm like, actually I should probably fucking do that. Okay. The next question is when should I feel like I know what I want to do?

Josh Felgoise (29:00.494)

That was much deeper than I was expecting after that whole situation. Okay, when should I know what I want to do? I don't know. I don't know. I think there's a lot of power in saying I don't know and just being like I think that is a really impossible question. When should I know what I want to do? I think it's really hard to know when

I think it's hard to know what you want to do. I don't think I know what I want to do. I don't think anybody really knows what they want to do. But I think with experience and with time, you kind of narrow down into the things you like and the things you like more than others. And you weed out the things you don't like. So hopefully by your first couple internships, you figured out whether you like the stuff you've been doing or you don't like that stuff. And you figured out in the first job you're doing,

what you like about it and what you don't like and what you want to do for the second job. And then in the second job, you start to realize, actually, I'm really good at this and I really like this and I don't like this other piece of it. I may have to do it because it's work and it's a job and it may not always feel like super fulfilling, but some days it really does. And I feel like I'm really good at this and I'm really aligned in this. And then by the third job, you get to a place it's like, okay. Like now I'm really starting to get the hang of this. And I think

that kind of like pipeline or that trajectory is what everybody has to go through in order to find out what they should be doing. And I think it's really hard to find your purpose. I think it's really hard to figure out like exactly what you were meant to do and where you were meant to be. And I don't know if anybody has that answer. Like I'm sure a lot of people go through this type of thing called like a midlife crisis or a quarter life crisis where they're like, fuck, am I doing what I was supposed to be doing or am I doing what I love?

Do I like what I'm doing? I like what I'm creating? Like, am I fulfilled by all of this? And I think this is probably a, I want to come back to this question at another point, but I think this is probably a question that a lot of people are asking themselves right now. Like, when am I going to figure this out? Like, when the fuck am I going to know if what I'm doing is right for me or if I like what I'm doing? And I just think that you have to take each experience like at a time and

Josh Felgoise (31:25.848)

There's a lot more meaning in looking at the experience you're in and the situation you're in currently and presently than thinking about the future or thinking about the past, thinking about what you used to do or what you could be doing and what you want to be doing. Because I'm, I feel like there's probably something in what you're currently doing that you really like. And I hope there is.

And I think you can probably narrow down into something that you're doing right now. You're like, actually, I'm really good at that. And I like that. And start narrowing that down. And if you're not feeling that way, then maybe it's time to look for something new or find your next thing. And then in the next thing, you'll find that there's something there for you or you won't. And then you'll jump to the next thing. And I think that's kind of the cool part about our twenties is that we're not stuck to anything and that

You can change jobs a bunch of different times. Like I have some friends that are in their third job. I have some friends still in their first job. Um, and I think that's the beauty of it. Like it's okay to change jobs a couple of times to figure out what you like. And it's okay to be also be in your first job that you really like. Like there's no right answer. It's really dependent upon you and figuring out what feels right and what you're good at and what you enjoy. Um, but

I think that's a really impossible question and you will know that answer like when you feel good in what you're doing and when you feel confident and successful in what you're doing, which I know you'll get to at some point. The next question is, any tips to help me get out of a slump? I'm feeling really lazy recently. Yeah, I do have some tips to get out of a slump.

I think that first thing, it's really important to not be on your phone in bed in the morning, like, or at night. And I'm about, I'm bad at both of these. I've gotten really, really good at the morning one. Cause I, I know that when I spend time on my phone scrolling in the morning, my day is worse than it would be if I didn't do that. If I just got out of bed, like I would feel better and my day would be better.

Josh Felgoise (33:44.782)

So I would say first and foremost, stop scrolling on your phone in bed in the morning. Like I have genuinely seen a massive change in my mindset and like the way I see the world when I'm not on my phone in the morning or when I'm not scrolling for 15 minutes because that 15 minutes can easily become 30 minutes, become 45 minutes. Like I did it on Saturday where I was just scrolling mindlessly and I haven't even thought one thought yet.

while I've learned a million other things about how the world is thinking and what other people are saying about this and that. like, it's so overwhelming when you haven't even woken up yet and your eyes have barely opened. like, I used to literally open my eyes with my phone. Like when I saw that light, like that was how I got up. And that's so bad. Like it's so crazy how it can set you back in the morning. So if you're feeling lazy, I would say the first thing is just get out of bed in the morning and

Listen to your alarm. Like you probably have an alarm set. Don't snooze it. Like I'm really bad about this. something I feel like there's always something to be working on. So like now that I've stopped on my phone in the morning, like now I'm a really bad snoozer. This morning I probably snooze my alarm three different times. And was like, I don't want to say her name because she'll probably activate if I say it, but it's the A word and it's from Amazon. So if I say her name, she'll, but I would be like, Alexa, like set an alarm for five more minutes. And like, then I'm like, Alexa set an alarm for three more minutes. I'm just like, continue this like really bad path.

that I was trying to up at 730 and I ended up getting up at like eight. If I'm being honest, it was like 815. So I'm really bad at snoozing now. So that's my next thing I'm working on. So if you're feeling lazy, I would start in the morning. Like that's the place to start. Don't be on your phone in the morning and stop snoozing the alarm and just get out of bed and go. Like I also think the best thing for me is getting out of my apartment as soon as possible in the morning.

Like I try and get out before I've even gone on my phone, like before I've checked my texts or my emails or my slacks or whatever it is. And I have found that makes me more productive. Like when I see the sun and when I like I'm outside, like then I'm kind of in go mode and I'm not just kind of like wandering in my apartment, like lazy and like, like next, next. like, there's days where I have to open my computer right away. And I'm just like, I already feel worse about that. So this just really works for me. Like I actually, yes, have tips for you on this. Like.

Josh Felgoise (36:02.464)

It all starts in the morning. Everything that can change your laziness, I think starts right when you wake up and in that first 30 minutes of your day. So try those few things and see how that goes. And I can almost guarantee like that's going to curb a lot of the laziness you're feeling because it's probably starting from right there.

The last question is... When do you think I... my god, I can't read my writing. When do you think I... Gim should start playing... What the fuck? When do you think I... my god. I...

my god, my handwriting is ass. When do you think a girl should start paying for dates? I am of a more traditional mindset about this, take with that what you will. I think for the first few dates, like the guy should be paying and that's how I've always done it in relationships and with my current relationship. Like I think paying for the first like five dates, I like to do.

And if you're going on a lot of dates like that makes it hard of course and if you're trying to a lot of people like it's it's really dating is really expensive which is why I always recommend like a drinks date where you're getting like one or two drinks to suss out the vibes or you're going for like a coffee date or like a Walking date. don't know. I haven't gone on a first date in a while. So like I'm not I'm gonna go skip that part, but um, I think

The guy should be paying for the first like bunch of dates and then once it starts to become more of a situationship or more of a relationship, maybe not situationship like that, that implies just like sex. Once it becomes more of a relationship, I think you can start splitting stuff or she should start paying for some stuff too. It's a really hard conversation to have. Like I think it's so relationship dependent and I think it's a question that I have currently. I think it's a question that like everybody in relationships has like

Josh Felgoise (38:05.292)

The money stuff in relationships is so difficult and like so awkward to talk about and just like something that nobody wants to talk about relationships. So I do think at some point maybe like date six, seven, like there should start to be a time where you see her being like, like we're going to the movies. Like, okay, I'll pay for the snacks because you bought the tickets. And I think that type of splitting is like really good in relationships or be like, I'm going to pay for this because you just paid for that.

doesn't necessarily mean like you shouldn't pay for any dinners going forward. Like I still like to pay for dinners when it's I pick the place or something. But I think that there should be an element of splitting like on dates. Like if you bought the tickets, then she buys the drinks or this and that. Like I think there's a place you get to whether it's naturally and if it's not naturally like then it's time for some sort of conversation which like

I don't really know how to have, to be honest. Like I think it's such a... I think it's hard. I think it's so hard. And on that note, I am out of advice. So, that is the episode. Thank you so much for listening to Guys Said a Guy's Guide to What Should Be Talked About. I'm Josh, I'm 25 years old and I'm here every single week, every single Tuesday to talk about what should be talked about for guys in their 20s.

If you liked this episode, I really hope you did. Please like subscribe, give this podcast five stars in the review. That's one, two, three, four, five stars, not four, nine, nine, five stars. Thank you so much for that. really, appreciate that. And follow on if you're on Apple subscribe, if you're on Spotify, like all of the things that way can keep up with the episodes. really appreciate you doing that. Thank you so much.

If you anything to talk about that should be talked about for guys in their twenties, send it to my DMS at the guy set T H E G U Y S E T or to my email, josh at guys.com j o s h at G U Y S E T.com or head over to my website guys.com G U Y S E T.com. There's a submission form right there and I will be sure to talk about it just like I did on all these questions and I'll include your submission in the next ask me anything dear guys that episode that I'll do in like a month from now. So I'll compile all the questions from this time.

Josh Felgoise (40:14.318)

And answer them. And if there's a question that maybe like leads to something bigger, I'll bring on a guest to talk about it and have their opinion on it. or do a full solo episode on it. So your questions are super beneficial to this because, I want to know what you guys are thinking about wondering about curious about as much as I am. And I like, there's just mutual benefit from everybody sharing what they're thinking because.

that is so important and something that we all don't do. It's just like sharing how we're thinking and feeling. So, oh, and if I didn't answer your question in this episode, please rewrite it in because I might've missed it and I'm sorry if I missed it. Thank you so much to everybody who wrote in. I really appreciate that and this was a really fun episode to do and I hope I answered your question or at least gave you some advice or a different perspective on it that you can now apply to it. Thank you so much for listening to Guy's Set, a guy's guide to what should be talked about and I will see you guys next Tuesday.

See you guys!