Dating Questions, Loneliness, and Seasonal Depression: Dear Guyset

Josh Felgoise (00:00.206)

Welcome to Guy's Set, the guy's guide to what you should be talking about. I'm Josh, I'm 23 years old, and I'm here to find all the tips, advice, and recommendations for guys in their 20s. Let's get into it.

Josh Felgoise (00:18.03)

Hi guys, welcome back to guys set the guys guide to what should be talked about. This week is the highly anticipated second installment of one of my favorite episodes I've done so far called guys set tool kits. This is guys set toolkit number two, which is basically an ask me anything where you guys send in questions that I will then answer hopefully quickly and not expertly, but just from honesty. they'll just kind of answers that I think of on the spot. I wrote these questions as they came in in my notes app and

I really haven't looked at them too much since and I'll just answer them straight up. The whole point of this podcast in the first place was to answer the questions that guys have for being in their 20s. And that's what I'm doing here today. And the point of like the longer episodes is to kind of elongate those answers and really dive into them. But in this episode, I'll answer them quickly. And then if there's something that I think needs to be stretched out and talked about in a full episode, I'll say that and I'll hopefully make a full episode on that if I remember. But for now,

These are questions that you guys have all sent in nothing that I've written in I know it's shocking but these are actually questions people asked said that last time too But I think it's kind of crazy to that. I have some people asking questions. It's really exciting That my kind of dream for this whole thing of people actually wanting me to talk about things is coming true So that's where I'm at, which is really cool. So I'm gonna start and the reason it's called toolkit is because these are like tools that you can come and pick up anytime you want

It's like a corny little thing that I thought was cute. Anyway, so let's get into it. So the first question is, you, this is such a hard hitting first question. Are you still hung up on girls from years ago? Like a crush or a fling that never turned into anything. Thank you so much for asking this as the first question. Of course, the answer to this question is yes. there are always going to be like, okay.

Whoa, I'm blushing a bit, sorry. I didn't think we're gonna get so deep so quickly. And I wrote this down and I just, I guess as I said in the beginning, like forgot about this. so, yes, I think so. But I think it's not like hung up on or like that I'm thinking about constantly. I do think when like a picture of a girl that I used to like really like or have a thing with or have a crush on or hook up with.

Josh Felgoise (02:42.68)

crosses my desk like it comes through on Instagram or I see a friend with that friend or we cross paths at a party or at a bar or something like then I'll be then I'll think about it that night or like the next day like for sure I think that's an experience a lot of guys have but I don't think it's something that I'm constantly thinking about but am I still hung up on previous things absolutely like I will think about them

and be like, fuck, like I wish that became something more. really, thought that was gonna become, sorry, I thought that was gonna become something more than it was. And I think it should have, and I'm sad it ended up the way that it did. But not like a constant, constant thing, but I think if it comes across my desk, then I will think about it. It happened recently that I saw a girl that I used to really like, and like I was hung up on it for like a day or two. was like, damn, that sucks that that couldn't become something more.

because I really thought we had something and I still do think we have something but it didn't become anything and like maybe it will sometime down the road but for now it's not and like that's okay. But yeah I'm certainly hung up on previous crushes or flings. Okay that's a lot it's heavy for now it's a heavy start to the episode but let's move on. Okay the next question is people's sexiest man alive was announced this week.

Who do you think is the sexiest man alive from that list? Okay, well, let's check out the list. I do remember seeing that Jason Kelsey was a finalist for Sexiest Man Alive and I will go on record saying that that should have been that. I don't know what happened or what fell through the cracks or who at people needs to be fired, someone needs to be fired. Someone needs to be held accountable for those actions because that's not okay. Okay. It looks like there is a whole

A whole list of people who were the sexiest men alive, but Patrick Dempsey seems to win. There's sexiest podcaster alive. Okay. Well, they forgot me. Maybe my 24 episodes weren't enough and that's okay. Maybe next year, maybe we'll get them next year. Okay. Next question because bored. How do you get out of bed in the morning? I find myself stuck. That's a really good question.

Josh Felgoise (05:00.726)

I think that so I put my phone on do not disturb before I go to bed at night, which I think has been a game changer for me. started doing it like at the beginning of this year and just because I didn't want to wake up and check my phone every single morning. Like I found that that changed me from being proactive to like what am I going to do today? Like what do need to get done? And thinking about all those things.

straight to reactive of like, like, let me respond to this message and this Snapchat and this notification and this email and all these different things that like, haven't even gotten out of bed or woken up or like put my feet on the ground or brush my teeth. And I'm like, and I'm already responding to 800 things that have happened in the world. and this is especially, I think matters if you're looking at like current events or things happening in the world that if you don't want to be like bombarded by that first thing when you wake up,

Put your phone on do not disturb. And then when you wake up after you've brushed your teeth, maybe you've gotten out of the house, then put your phone back on and you can like, you're, in a better mindset to, um, now respond to those things because you've like woken up instead of like being groggy and then responding to all that stuff. So I think a really good tip for getting out of bed in the morning is not checking your phone. Like when I do check my phone, I stay in bed for an extra 20, I was going to say like five or 10, but like it's honestly like 20, 25 minutes in the morning more.

whereas if when I set my phone to do not disturb and I wait, I like I'll get back up cause I've not, or I'll get right up cause I have nothing to like check in or check on or like stay there for, I think setting your alarm for like on snooze is fine. I do it all the time. But I set like two or three alarms. So I'll like, I'll set my Alexa. I hope she doesn't go off. She's like, we're, so we're in a hostile relationship. but I'll set her for like seven, seven five, seven 10. And then like, I'll tell her to stop for the first two. Like I said, stop. And then like for the

Maybe the 710 I'll get up. That's just an example of a time. It's not like a super strict timeline. So I think setting like a couple alarms works for me and put my phone on jump disturb. Try that and then come back to me if that doesn't work and I'll think of more tips. Okay. The next question is what are your go to single serve meals when cooking for yourself? Something cheap, quick, easy and flavorful. Wow. Okay. Flavorful will like.

Josh Felgoise (07:19.96)

There's hot sauce, there's salt, there's pepper, you know, there's a lot of like garlic. There's a lot of fun things that can really add to your flavor palette. But, for me, I like to cook salmon and chicken a lot. I think that's super easy. I like a one pan meal. an OPM I'm really that that's my go-to situations. I don't like cleaning up. I think that's what halts me from a lot of, a lot of the time from cooking and ordering or going out instead. so if I can make a one pan meal, that's like salmon.

some vegetable or something or like rice or something. Chicken's always kind of easy. I'm actually not really good at cooking chicken. I'm lying right now. It's a very easy thing to cook, but I'm very impatient. And it seems like everybody else has it under control. But for me, like chicken, just I'm too impatient to wait. I usually like cut up the chicken to then so it it cooks through because I've had a couple of experiences where it's not cooked through. So I.

This is like a separate note, but that's it. We're not. It's not like an episode on chicken, but I think chip in chicken, chip in chicken and salmon are both really easy flavorful meals. And you can like add like hot sauce. Ooh, I like doing this with salmon. So I'll add like seaweed avocado and I'll make like little hand rolls with my, pieces of salmon to spice it up a little bit, make it a little flavorful for you. Um, so those are my, my go-tos I'm, working on adding more to my repertoire because that's just, it's very weak for being 23 and now living a full year on my own. It's just,

It's not acceptable. So those are my two and then I think I'll make a list of other things that people cook for single serve meals and I'll figure out how to get it to you. think I'm going to start a newsletter soon at the end of this month. Spoiler alert if you're listening right now there's a newsletter dropping soon and that'll be one of the articles that I put in the newsletter. OK.

Um, oh and you can sign up for the newsletter on guyset.com right when this episode drops. Um, it'll be like the first thing you see on the website and you can just put your email in and they'll the newsletter at, um, on the last Tuesday of this month and then every month from here on out. Ah, newsletter. It's not a really great announcement, but that's happening. It's really exciting. Uh, yeah. Okay. So the next question is what should I get a woman in my life for the holidays? That's another really great question. Um,

Josh Felgoise (09:38.284)

I'm going to do the same thing with this newsletter. It'll be on at the end. It'll be on at the end of this month. Let me check the date because then I can tell you the actual date that it's dropping. The okay. So November 28th, if you put your email in on the website, guyset.com, G U I S E T dot com, there'll be like a little thing to put your email and you'll be subscribed to the newsletter right from then. But I have been looking for a way to integrate. used to write a blog and then it became this podcast.

But I've been looking for way to integrate this podcast and the blog together. And I think it's through like making a newsletter and linking out to those articles and think that's a cool way to do it. So at the end of every Tuesday, as I said last Tuesday, every month, this, this newsletter will drop. And at end of this month, I'll have a holiday guide that actually answers that question because it's coming up. So I'll have a holiday guide for like what to get a woman into life, what to get your parents, what to get your siblings. I'll make a bunch of different holiday guides.

I did that last year too and I thought it was really great. And then I'll put in like single serve meals. I think that's another good one. So it's just like another supplementary way to answer a bunch of these questions that don't always work over voice. I think a lot of stuff is much better answered like this, but other stuff isn't. So for that, I'll, it'll, I'll put it in the website and you can get it to your email. Okay. So, um, oh, but just to, I'll answer that kind of quickly cause I feel like I can. Um, I think.

No, I'm going to spend more time with that. I'm going to spend more time on that because it's it's more like more thoughtful. But I'll put like a bunch of different things you can get. OK, how soon after starting to text someone is too soon to grab a drink with them? That's a great question. I think there is no too soon. I think if you're texting them and getting a really good vibe and your 10 texts in, ask, go get the drink. Like, why not? You have nothing to lose. I think if you can't tell if there's a vibe yet.

keep texting and then you'll see if there's a vibe or not. But I don't think there's any too soon or too late. I actually think you can be too late if you're if you're waiting for so long to ask them out. But I do think there's no too soon. So if you're like eight texts in and you're like fuck like we really vibe and this is a great conversation like what's this week what's wrong like make it happen. So no too soon to that question. But I think

Josh Felgoise (12:02.2)

How soon? Like, just get the vibe. I think it's really circumstantial. So, if you're texting for like one to two days and it seems to be going really well, I think you can ask them to go get a drink. It's super simple. But even if you're texting for a day, like if it's longer than a couple hours and you're like, it's back and forth, like that's great. I think you can get a vibe from that back and forth. If they're waiting a long time to respond to your texts, that's annoying and that's not like a great sign. So maybe I would wait and feel it out then.

But if it's like that constant back and forth or if it's like 20 minutes between each text or something and it seems to be going well, you should ask. Okay, that was a really long-winded answer to say that it can be as soon as you want, but just get the vibe through texting. But like an hour, like if it's going great, make it happen. What is the best time for a date? I think the best time for a date

Like, I think this question means like literal time, not time of year, so I'm gonna answer it as like time, like a clock. I think the best time for a date is like 7.30 or eight, because let's say like work ends at five, 5.30, you get home around six, 6.30, gotta get ready, yeah. Like I think nothing earlier than 7.30 is my choice.

I think 738, 745, something in there is really great. I would say like eight if you're unsure. You don't really know what they do yet. Yeah, like work days can be long, but like if you're going for a date on like a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, 738. Okay, next question is favorite date question to have in your back pocket. That is a great question, my friend. Okay, my favorite date question from

to have in my back pocket is, wow, I don't really know. Hold on. Let me think about it. I don't know. Fuck, marry, kill, like, no, that's a lot. Okay. Favorite date question. I really like to ask people what their favorite restaurant is. I think it opens up a really great conversation. You can get there kind of like vibe of if they like going out to eat a lot, if they don't, what food they like.

Josh Felgoise (14:28.526)

If they like Italian food, they like Mexican food, you can kind of just like steer the conversation around food for a little bit. But I think asking them their favorite restaurant or their favorite restaurant they've been to recently, if they're like, ooh, that's a really tough one. favorite restaurant you've been to recently. I think that's another good one. Or favorite like cuisine. And then I think that also sets you up really well for then like a next date being like, like we should definitely go grab Mexican food. If like I know a really good spot, even if you don't, you could just say that and then figure it out after.

Be like, like we should go grab Italian food if that's your favorite or we should go get sushi next time. Like that's awesome. And like you also can find like really good commonalities through that. So I think talking about food is, I mean, it's obviously my favorite topic ever, but like, I think it's also a really good date topic. And I think you get to know a lot about a person through food. So yeah, ask them their favorite restaurant they've been to recently and then build a conversation around that. So you can talk about their restaurants they've been to or

Yeah. Okay. I answered it. That's enough. Okay. Next question is after drinks, would you offer to walk her back to hers? Do something else in parentheses, more drinks, cookies, as you've said before, I don't know, or just say adios. So I definitely think you, it's another question of like, you have to get the vibe of the date. I don't think you're just gonna be like, peace. Like, see ya. I think you can sense the vibe if it's, if it's going well at the first place and

the vibes are winding down if you've gotten like a drink or two at the first place or you've gotten whatever. Let's just I'm going to use drinks as an example for this one. If you've gotten drinks at the first place and it's like all right like do you want to go try something else? I know a really good ice cream spot around here or like I know there's a good cookie spot around here. Would you want to go like try that out or I know a good like other bar. Do you want to go test that out and see what they have there like see the different vibes? I think

If it's going well, you could ask like to go somewhere else after and if it's not, I think you should offer to walk them back to where they're going or offer to help them get a taxi or Uber or like be like, like I'll wait with you until you get your Uber or something like that. But I just think it depends on how the day is going. But I always think you should offer to walk her back to wherever she's going. Not in like a creepy way, but just in like a very like a good guy way.

Josh Felgoise (16:54.894)

or offer to hail a cab or walk her to the subway or something like that. But I also talked about this with my friend Luke on his podcast episode. I think it was episode 19 of like heartbreaks and first dates. So we get into that a little bit so you can hear both our perspectives there. But I think for after drinks or yeah, after a first date or something like just see how it's going.

And if it's also if it's really late, like if you've already been there for like a couple hours, I think you could still find to end it. I just think it depends on the time where you're at in the conversation and like where the night's going. I just think it's very circumstantial, but also definitely factor in the time. If it's already been like an hour and half or two hours, like that's fine too. That can be just enough of time for the date. You don't need to keep going. Doesn't have to be like a marathon date. think a marathon date can also like lead to not the best, situation ship because then it's like

Where do we go from here? We've already learned everything about each other. Like what's the next date? So I actually don't really recommend doing something like that where if it's already been a couple hours, like you don't need to do something else. Okay. The next question is dealing with seasonal blues and time change. That is a great one. It's something I'm trying to figure out right now because it gets dark at like 4 p.m. and I'm just like miserable from there on out. And I feel like everybody is. I think something good that I did last week to kind of combat it.

was to make sure I got out of my, like if I'm working from home or if I'm in the office, like I make sure I get some steps in or some time to walk before it gets dark or like as it's getting dark, I'll try and get some steps in or a walk in. Just to like see the daylight. I think having that in your day can kinda combat that like depressive feeling that we all get when it gets so dark out and there's like not that much left.

Like in the day and you're like fuck the day is already over and I haven't done that much I feel like you've already gotten outside and you've already taken a good walk and you've already like seen some nature That that's a good way to combat it But I don't know a lot of others because i'm struggling with that too. I think it's a really hard Right now and it like everyone's making jokes about it, but it truly just sucks like it's so miserable that it's late and that it's so dark out all the time and it's so cold and Seasonal depression is going to be

Josh Felgoise (19:16.334)

I think a thing that's going to affect a lot of people soon. And think that's a really good full episode I will do soon because I want to dive much deeper into all that and answer that question much more fully. But my first first thing comes to my head is just like getting out and getting a walk in before it gets dark. OK. What do you say? Next question. What do you say to a friend that wants you to hook up with their. Oh, this is a good one. OK. What do you say to a friend that wants you to hook up with their friend?

But you don't think that person is attractive. Oh, I've been here. I have been here before. And it was like a friend of a friend thought was like, hey, like I would love to set you up with this friend. And then show me a pic. We were at the bar and I was like, oh, like, let me see what she looks like. Sure. Like, why not? And then show me a picture. And I was like, oh, like that's not it. It was just like it wasn't for me. It wasn't my she wasn't it. Sorry. She wasn't my type.

So that was tough because it was in person and I was just like,

Josh Felgoise (20:22.83)

I was like, oh, okay. Let me check my schedule, like my empty fucking schedule. I like, let me check my calendar. Like my voice got like fucking sky high. I was like, let me see what I'm doing next week and like maybe like, and she's like, oh, if you're interested, like I'll give you her number. And I was like, yeah.

Maybe that's and I think from my like tone like not even intentionally from I'd be like, yeah I think she understood that that I wasn't really into it and she was like, like I don't have to like it's no big deal and I was like Yeah, like I like I'll text you if like if like my schedule becomes free and like we can make it work But like I think I think it's all good right now It's such a tough sit. It's such a tough situation and it's such a unique and it's not exactly sorry It's not that unique of a situation because like friends want to set up friends all the time

And it's such a tough situation, but I do think getting ahead of it and saying like it's like that's not she's not really my type before you go on the date It's better than being like yeah, like the first week like we went we got drinks But like it's she's not really for me. Like I think either way like okay Let me back that a little bit to answer your question if this person texted you I think you can be like

You know, that's super nice that you thought of me. Like, thank you so much. She's not really my type, but if anybody else comes to mind, I'm down. Like, thanks so much for thinking of me. Like, I really appreciate that. Because I think it's really nice when people do think of you and they're like, like, I think you would be great with this friend. So I think it's cool when people think of you to date their friend or go on a date with their friend or someone they know. And I genuinely do appreciate that. So if you know anybody, like, you know, where you know where to find me, because I'm pretty public right now.

But, and I have my email, joshisguyset.com. And my DM, at theguyset, T-H-E-G-G-Y-S-T. But if they text you or message you, like think that's a very good way out of it. If it's in person, like that's hard and you're gonna probably respond the same way I did. But I think that text response is good enough. Okay, the next one is, it's time for another question section!

Josh Felgoise (22:40.226)

Okay, this question section is how often's okay first one how often Do you shampoo your hair? This is a really good question and I know that my answer to this question is wrong So I'm just telling you straight out. I know it's wrong. I Shampoo my hair every time I shower which I've heard and I know is really bad for your hair

I don't know what to do about that because if I don't shampoo my hair, my hair gets really greasy and that's gross and like no one's a grease ball walking around. But I've heard that it's very damaging to shampoo your hair every time that you shower. And like I do shower every day, which is like that's apparently so shit for your hair. I don't know a better response or a better answer. I shampoo my hair every day. I'm sorry. I said it. I'm sure there's a lot of you out there. Maybe I should be better about it. Maybe I if there's a doctor listening and you want to call me out.

Please call me out and tell me what to do differently. Maybe it's the shampoo that's greasing my hair. That's not the the grease that's greasing my hair. I don't know. I don't know the right answer, but that's my answer, which is why I say not expertly to your questions. I just say I answer them. The next how often his how often do you change your razor? This is another really good question. I change my razor. I feel like every three or four shaves. If I start to see like a bunch of little hairs in the razor,

Then I'll change it like because that's and then and they're not washing out under the water That's really why i'll change it because i'm like that's that's gross and it's gonna be Or if it like starts to be painful when i'm shaving. I know it's it's a it's a done razor It's not sharp enough. but I feel like three to four Is a good number. Maybe it's maybe it should be more I don't shave that that often as you can tell if you're watching on youtube. I look Like a rat right now. I probably shave once or twice a week. so probably changing razor razors like every like two

two or three weeks. Okay. But if you if you're you have more hair and you have to shave more often like maybe you have a different answer to that question. But that's just my answer. How often do you wash your towels. That is another great question. I wash my towels every like honestly like every week. It's like maybe like four or five showers. If the towel goes on. Okay. Here's my here's my rule.

Josh Felgoise (25:04.334)

If the towel has ended up on the floor, it's done. It's a wash. It's literally a wash. It has to be washed. If I forgot to hang it back up, that will now go in the hamper. That's my cardinal rule. If the towel went to the floor, the towel goes to the wash. If not, if I remember to hang it up, I don't know, a a week and a little, a week and a little is fine, I think. Like four, five, six showers.

If the towel's wet and damp, like it's time to go. It's time to go. If it's not and it's still dry and it's still doing the job, like, I don't know, like you do you boss. I don't know. But if it's damp or if it's like, I hope it's not crusty, but if it's like, if it's getting damp, then it's time for a new towel. Okay, that is the end of the question section. I was very excited for the question section. Okay. Do you pluck your eyebrows or nose hairs?

Thank you for asking. It's really, it's really, we're getting there today. Yes. If you can, if you're watching on YouTube, I'm getting close to the camera right now. I have this like space in between. Sorry. I got really close to microphone too accidentally. I got, I have the space between my eyebrows right here that like hair gets in, hair gets in, hair grows. It's not like a unibrow situation, but like I'll pluck this situation I learned.

that I was supposed to do that freshman year, this girl in my hall was like, you should really pluck that. was like, well, you should really shut the fuck up. No, but she was my friend and she plucked it for me. So this part right here, I'll pluck. If you're watching on YouTube, it's like the part, literally the unibrow part of your eyebrow and nose hair. Yeah, I got a nose hair trimmer and it's changed my life. I will also put that in the newsletter, in the blog situation or I'll link it on my Instagram story. So I will do that.

Okay, next question. This is the last question of the episode. I have loved doing this episode. I think it's so fun answering these types of questions. And it's like what you guys literally want to hear. And it's the questions that guys have in their twenties. And that's the whole point of this. So I'll keep doing these once a month because I they're super fun. So keep sending in your questions anytime. These are all questions that have been compiled throughout the month. Send them into my email, josh at guyset.com, G-U-I-S-E-T.com.

Josh Felgoise (27:21.192)

Or DM them or text me you have a number, but like if you don't DM them at the guy set T H E G U I S E T on Instagram or Tik Tok and I'll answer them. And then like a week before the episode, I'll put something on my Instagram story that you can submit your questions to. But that's the only way that these questions or I'll find the questions. And then I'll answer them and I'll keep doing this. It's really fun. Okay. The final question is, do you follow a hinge date on Instagram after the first date? No.

I think after a first date is like a crazy time to follow them. Unless, like you guys are in love. I think a first date like that's way too soon after a second or third, like for sure. If they're in like, there's obviously ways around this. If their Instagram is in their hinge, like sure. Or if you guys talked about something on Instagram on the date and then like it led to being like, like I'll follow you like.

If there's something that happened on the date or if something in your text conversation that led to their Instagram or your Instagram, sure, like that you should follow them then. But I think if you're like searching them after the date and then wanting to follow them, I think that's too soon after. And it's like coming on a little bit too hard. I think you can wait until a couple more dates have gone by to follow them. Cause otherwise it's like, there's going to be so many random people that you're following that you, that like you ended things with or that they ended things with you because it just was like a one or two date situation.

So I think no, you should not follow them after the first date. Okay. This was the guys set toolkit number two. As I said, I love doing this and I will keep doing them. If you liked this episode, please subscribe and follow and give this episode five stars and leave a positive review and send me any questions you have, any things you want me to talk about, anything that should be talked about to my email, josh at guyset.com J O S H at GUI S E T.com. And I'll be sure to talk about it. As I said, please follow, like and subscribe and

Go to my website, guyset.com, where you can now leave your email to subscribe to the newsletter that we'll be dropping in the last Tuesday of this month, and every month from there on out. And I'm really excited about that, so please give me your email, and I will send you the newsletter. Thank you so much for listening, and I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.