Have you ever had one of those days when it feels like everything in your life is going wrong?

Maybe you had a frustrating conversation at work, someone you were dating stopped responding, or you found out you didn't get an opportunity you really wanted. On its own, any one of those things would be disappointing. But when they start happening around the same time, it can feel like your entire life is falling apart.

And sometimes, the problem isn't even that everything happened at once. It's that one disappointing experience reminds you of another, which reminds you of another, until suddenly you're thinking about every mistake, rejection, and frustration you've experienced recently.

I talked about this in the Guyset Podcast episode How to Get Back Up Again, and I used an analogy that I think can completely change the way you approach difficult situations.

I call it The Brick Theory.

The idea is simple: Every disappointment, mistake, rejection, or setback is a brick. And while you can't always control how many bricks life gives you, you can control what you do with them.

You can stack them on top of one another until they become an enormous weight hanging over you, or you can lay them side by side, deal with them individually, and eventually use them to build something.

The Problem With Stacking Your Bricks

Imagine that every time something goes wrong in your life, somebody hands you a brick.

You make a mistake at work. That's one brick. You go on a date that doesn't work out. That's another. You have an argument with a friend, miss out on an opportunity, or feel like you're falling behind where you thought you'd be by now.

More bricks.

Now imagine that instead of placing those bricks next to one another, you start stacking them vertically. Every new disappointment sits on top of the last one, making the tower taller, heavier, and more intimidating.

Eventually, you're no longer looking at a few individual problems. You're looking at this enormous structure you've created, and you're wondering how you're ever supposed to get past it.

I think that's exactly what happens when we allow one bad experience to influence the way we see everything else in our lives.

Maybe you had a difficult day at work. Instead of recognizing that you had one difficult day, you start thinking about every other frustrating thing that's happened recently. Suddenly, you're questioning your career, your relationships, your progress, and whether you're actually doing anything right.

But those things aren't necessarily connected.

The problem isn't always the number of bricks you've been handed. Sometimes it's how you've decided to stack them.

One Bad Thing Doesn't Mean Everything Is Bad

One of the biggest lessons behind The Brick Theory is that something can go wrong without everything being wrong.

As I said in the episode:

"Something is allowed to suck in isolation. That doesn't have to mean that like everything sucks."

I think that's something we need to remind ourselves of more often.

You can have a bad day at work and still be great at your job. You can experience rejection and still have plenty to offer someone. You can feel lost in one area of your life while making incredible progress in another.

But when you're frustrated, it's easy to start connecting those experiences and convincing yourself that they're all evidence of a much bigger problem.

The NHS discusses this kind of thinking in Reframing Unhelpful Thoughts, which explains how recognizing and questioning unhelpful interpretations can help us develop a more balanced perspective.

The next time something goes wrong, ask yourself whether you're reacting to what actually happened or everything else you've started associating with it.

Maybe you're disappointed about one situation. That's completely understandable. But you don't have to turn that disappointment into a judgment about your entire life.

Lay Your Bricks Side by Side

Here's where The Brick Theory becomes particularly useful.

Instead of stacking your bricks vertically, imagine laying them alongside one another.

That frustrating conversation at work is one brick. The person who stopped texting you is another. The opportunity you didn't get is another.

They're all still there. You haven't ignored them, pretended they don't matter, or convinced yourself that everything is fine.

You've simply separated them.

And when you separate your problems, something interesting happens: They often become much easier to understand and manage.

Maybe the situation at work requires a conversation with your boss. Maybe the dating disappointment just needs a little time. And maybe the opportunity you missed means you need to apply somewhere else or try again.

Those are three different problems with three different responses. They don't need to become one enormous crisis.

In How to Stop Spiraling When Something Goes Wrong, I explore how quickly one negative experience can turn into a collection of worries about everything else. The Brick Theory offers a way to interrupt that pattern by looking at each situation individually.

The next time you're feeling overwhelmed, try writing down everything that's bothering you. Give each problem its own line, almost as if you're placing each brick on the ground in front of you.

Then ask yourself what each situation actually requires. Is there something you can fix? Something you need to accept? Something you can learn from? Or something that simply needs time?

You don't need one enormous solution to everything. You can deal with one brick at a time.

Stop Carrying Bricks That Aren't Yours

Another part of this theory worth thinking about is how often we carry problems that aren't entirely ours to solve.

Maybe someone is upset with you, even though you've done everything you reasonably can to make things right. Maybe you're worrying about what other people think of you, comparing yourself to somebody else's success, or stressing about something that hasn't even happened yet.

Those worries can start feeling just as heavy as the problems you're actually responsible for.

But not every brick belongs to you.

You can take responsibility for your mistakes without taking responsibility for everybody else's feelings. You can care about an outcome without believing you have complete control over it, and you can support the people in your life without making every problem they experience your own.

This is particularly important if you're someone who tends to overthink situations or feel responsible for making everything work out perfectly.

In How To Overcome Analysis Paralysis, I talk about how excessive thinking can make even relatively simple decisions feel overwhelming.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is recognize what you can actually influence and stop carrying the rest.

Eventually, You Can Build Something With Those Bricks

I think this is my favorite part of The Brick Theory.

Because the goal isn't necessarily to get rid of every brick.

Some of the difficult experiences you've had are going to teach you things. Some mistakes will help you make better decisions, some rejections will push you toward opportunities you wouldn't have considered otherwise, and some disappointments will help you understand what you actually want.

Those experiences can become building materials.

Maybe getting rejected from a job motivates you to improve your interviewing skills. Maybe a relationship that didn't work out helps you recognize what matters most to you in a partner. Maybe making a mistake at work teaches you how to handle a situation more confidently next time.

That doesn't mean every difficult experience happens for a reason or that you need to find something positive in every disappointment. Sometimes things are simply disappointing, and you're allowed to feel that way.

But when you're ready, you can decide what you want to take from the experience.

The American Psychological Association's Building Your Resilience discusses how people can adapt to difficult experiences and develop ways to move forward through adversity.

I think that's an important distinction. Building something with your bricks doesn't mean pretending they were never heavy. It means recognizing that the things you've been through don't have to exist only as reminders of what went wrong.

They can also become part of the foundation for whatever you do next.

Remember That Your Life Is More Than Your Problems

One of the reasons stacking our problems can be so damaging is that we start giving all our attention to what's going wrong and very little attention to what's going right.

We remember the rejection but forget the opportunities we've received. We replay the mistake but overlook the things we've accomplished. We focus on the relationship that didn't work out instead of appreciating the people who continue to show up for us.

"If you're gonna count your losses, you better count your wins too."

You don't have to ignore your problems or pretend that everything is going perfectly. But you should give yourself credit for the things you've done well, the progress you've made, and the challenges you've already overcome.

And if you're going through a period where it's difficult to recognize that progress, How To Get Back Up Again offers practical ways to start rebuilding momentum.

Your life is bigger than whatever is frustrating you today. The bricks you're carrying are part of your story, but they aren't the entire thing.

And Here's The Thing

Life is going to hand you bricks.

You're going to experience rejection, make mistakes, have difficult conversations, and find yourself in situations that don't work out the way you hoped.

You can't always prevent those things from happening, and you don't need to pretend they don't bother you.

But you can decide what to do with them.

You can keep stacking every disappointment until you're looking at something that feels impossible to overcome, or you can lay your problems alongside one another and start dealing with them individually.

You can recognize which situations need your attention, which ones need time, and which ones aren't yours to carry in the first place.

And eventually, you might discover that some of the things you once thought were holding you back have helped you become better equipped for what's ahead.

"Lay the bricks alongside each other and don't stack them up."

You don't have to solve every problem today. You don't have to figure out your entire life because one thing went wrong, and you certainly don't have to let one disappointing experience convince you that everything else is falling apart.

Stop stacking your problems. Start laying the bricks. And when you're ready, build something with them.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is The Brick Theory?

The Brick Theory is a Guyset concept I made up about treating life's setbacks as individual bricks instead of stacking them into one overwhelming problem. Each setback is something you can learn from and build on.

How do you stop letting problems pile up?

Separate what's bothering you into individual problems. Focus on what you can control and tackle one thing at a time instead of treating everything as one big crisis.

Why does one bad thing make everything feel worse?

One setback can remind you of other frustrations, making everything feel connected. But just because multiple things are going wrong doesn't mean they're all related.

How do you deal with multiple problems at once?

Figure out what's most important, what you can control, and what needs your attention first. Take things one step at a time instead of trying to fix everything at once.

How can setbacks help you grow?

Setbacks can teach you what to improve, what matters to you, and what to do differently next time. Every difficult experience can be an opportunity to learn, even if it doesn't feel that way at first.