Making a big decision would be a lot easier if somebody could just tell you which option was right.

You could take the job knowing it would work out. You could move to a new city knowing you’d be happier there. You could take the risk knowing you wouldn’t regret leaving what you already had behind.

Unfortunately, that’s not how most big decisions work.

At some point, you run out of information. You’ve thought about the possibilities, talked to people you trust, gone through the pros and cons, and imagined what could happen in either direction. You still don’t know for certain what you should do.

That’s the point where making a decision becomes less about finding another answer and more about trusting yourself.

Why Is It So Hard to Trust Yourself?

I’m currently in the middle of making a decision that feels pretty big, and one of the things I’ve noticed is how quickly uncertainty turns into self-doubt.

One minute, I feel like I know exactly what I should do. Then another thought comes into my head and suddenly I’m questioning the entire thing.

“One minute I'm kind of like, this is what I should be doing. And then the next I'm like, wait, but what about this?”

That cycle can go on forever.

The problem isn’t necessarily that you don’t trust yourself at all. It’s that you’re expecting trusting yourself to feel like complete certainty.

Those are two different things.

You can trust yourself and still be nervous. You can trust yourself and still wonder whether the other option might have worked out. You can trust yourself without knowing exactly what happens next.

Stop Waiting Until You’re 100 Percent Sure

I think this is where a lot of us get stuck.

We assume there will eventually be a point where we’ve gathered enough information that all of the uncertainty disappears. Then we’ll finally feel comfortable making the decision.

But some uncertainty is built into any meaningful decision. If you already knew exactly how each option would turn out, it probably wouldn’t be that difficult to choose.

That’s also how you can end up in analysis paralysis. The Cleveland Clinic explains that overthinking a decision can eventually make it harder to choose at all, particularly when fear of making the wrong choice or searching for a perfect solution enters the equation.

There’s a difference between doing your due diligence and trying to predict the future.

At some point, you’ve probably learned everything you realistically can. What remains is uncertainty, and another five hours of thinking may not remove it.

Figure Out What You Actually Want

Before asking everyone else what you should do, ask yourself.

Not what looks best on paper. Not what somebody else would choose. Not what you think you’re supposed to want.

What do you actually want?

That can be surprisingly difficult to answer when you’ve been overthinking something for a long time. Fear, expectations, other people’s opinions, and hypothetical future outcomes can get mixed together until you’re not even sure which thoughts are yours anymore.

This is something I’ve talked about in How To Figure Out What You Want to Do With Your Life. You don’t need your entire future mapped out, but you do need some idea of what matters to you right now.

Take everything else away for a second.

Which direction are you naturally leaning?

That doesn’t automatically give you the answer, but it gives you somewhere much better to start.

Separate What You Want From What You’re Afraid Of

This has been one of the biggest parts of my own decision.

There’s what I want to do, and then there are all the things I’m afraid could happen if I do it.

Those aren't necessarily the same thing.

You might want to take an opportunity but be afraid you'll fail. You might want to leave something behind but worry you'll regret it. You might want to put yourself out there but be scared that it won't work.

Fear deserves to be considered. It can sometimes tell you that there’s a legitimate risk you haven’t accounted for.

But fear shouldn’t automatically make the decision for you.

In the episode, I kept coming back to what would happen if I tried something and failed. Eventually, I found myself asking a different question:

“If I, you know, don't even give myself the chance to try, then I'll never even give myself the chance to fail.”

That doesn’t mean you should always choose the riskier option. It means you should understand whether you’re saying no because you genuinely don’t want something or because you’re afraid of what could happen if you say yes.

There’s a major difference.

Remember That There Might Not Be a “Right” Decision

One of the hardest things to accept is that two choices can both make sense.

Maybe taking the opportunity could lead somewhere great. Maybe staying where you are could too.

We tend to think that every major decision has one correct path and our job is to discover it. Then if things don’t work out perfectly, we assume we must have chosen incorrectly.

Real life is messier than that.

“There's really no right answer of what you do with your life or what you decide or what decision you make. There really only ever is what you do with that decision.”

I think that’s a much more useful way to look at it.

You’re not choosing between the good future and the bad future. You’re choosing a direction and then deciding what you’re going to do once you start moving in it.

That takes some of the pressure off the decision itself.

Ask Your Future Self

One of the best exercises I’ve found for trusting myself is imagining the person I’ll be a year from now.

I try to remove myself from the immediate stress of the decision and picture that version of me looking backward. What would he wish I had done?

Would he be glad I protected what I already had? Would he wish I had taken the opportunity? Would he even care about some of the things that feel enormous to me right now?

Research on temporal distancing has examined how mentally creating distance from an emotional situation can change how we process it. You don’t literally know what your future self will think, of course, but shifting your perspective can help separate the decision from the intensity you’re feeling right now.

For me, the question becomes less about guaranteeing a good outcome and more about which experience I’d rather look back on.

Sometimes that makes the answer a little clearer.

Get Other Opinions Without Giving Away Your Decision

I strongly believe in talking to people when you’re struggling with something.

Talk to your friends. Talk to your siblings. Talk to your parents. Talk to your partner. Tell somebody you trust what’s going through your head.

This is part of why I think How to Stop Trying to Do Everything on Your Own applies to decisions too. Asking for help doesn’t mean somebody else has to solve the problem for you.

Sometimes saying everything out loud is enough to make you realize what you think.

But there’s a point where seeking advice can become another form of avoiding the decision. If you’ve asked eight people what they think and you’re now trying to calculate which opinion is most correct, you haven’t really escaped the overthinking.

You’ve just recruited more people into it.

Get perspective from people whose judgment you value. Then bring the decision back to yourself.

Pay Attention to What Your Gut Is Telling You

“Trust your gut” can sound like pretty vague advice.

I don’t think it means ignoring facts, risks, responsibilities, or obvious reasons something might be a terrible idea. Your gut shouldn’t replace thinking.

But once you’ve done the thinking, it can be worth noticing which option you keep returning to.

The American Psychological Association has covered research around decision-making and the ways conscious deliberation can become complicated as choices increase. Not every decision becomes better simply because you spend more time analyzing it.

Sometimes you already know which direction you’re leaning, but you’re continuing to think because you want a guarantee that comes with it.

There probably isn’t one.

Trust Yourself to Handle the Outcome

This might be the biggest shift.

Instead of asking:

Do I trust myself to make the perfect decision?

Ask:

Do I trust myself to handle what happens after I make it?

Those are completely different standards.

The first requires you to predict the future correctly. The second requires you to believe in your ability to adapt.

Maybe you take the job and hate it. You can figure out what comes next.

Maybe you take the risk and it doesn’t work. You’ll learn something.

Maybe you make the decision and six months later realize you want something different. You can make another decision.

Confidence doesn’t have to come from believing that you’ll always get things right. It can come from believing you’ll be okay when you don’t.

That’s also a big part of How To Build Confidence As A Man. Confidence gets built through experience. You make decisions, see what happens, deal with the outcome, and slowly collect evidence that you’re capable of figuring things out.

Remember That This Is One Decision

When you’re in the middle of a big decision, it can start to feel like everything depends on it. Your career, relationships, happiness, future, and entire life somehow become attached to this one choice.

Most of the time, that’s not true.

It might be an important decision, and it might change some things, but it isn’t the last decision you’ll ever get to make. Whatever you choose will be followed by another choice and another one after that.

You’ll have opportunities to adjust. You’ll learn things you couldn’t possibly know today. You’ll change, and your circumstances will change too.

So make the best decision you can with the information you have right now.

You don't need to know exactly where it leads.

And Here’s The Thing

I think trusting yourself to make a big decision has less to do with knowing you’re right and more to do with accepting that you might not be.

You can research. You can make a pros-and-cons list. You can ask people you trust. You can think about your future self and give yourself time to seriously consider your options.

Eventually, though, you have to choose.

And maybe the goal isn’t to reach a point where you have absolutely no doubts. Maybe it’s to reach a point where you’ve thought enough, you know what matters to you, and you’re willing to take responsibility for whichever direction you choose.

Trusting yourself means knowing that if it works out, you’ll keep going.

And if it doesn’t, you’ll figure out what to do next.

That’s enough.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I trust myself to make a big decision?

Gather the information you genuinely need, think about what you actually want, and then accept that you may never feel completely certain. Trusting yourself is less about predicting the correct outcome and more about believing you can handle what happens afterward.

How do I know if I’m making the right decision?

You often can't know with certainty before making it. Focus on whether the decision makes sense based on what you know today, aligns with what matters to you, and isn't being driven entirely by fear.

Why do I second-guess every big decision?

Big decisions involve uncertainty, which can make you search for reassurance that you've chosen correctly. If you keep reconsidering the same information without learning anything new, second-guessing can turn into analysis paralysis.

Should I trust my gut when making a big decision?

Your gut can be useful after you've considered the relevant facts and consequences. It shouldn't replace careful thinking, but it can help you recognize which direction you naturally prefer once you've done that thinking.

What if I make the wrong decision?

You may make decisions you later wish you'd handled differently. That doesn't mean everything is ruined. You can adjust, learn from what happened, change direction, and make another decision with information you didn't have before.