Overcoming Gym Imposter Syndrome

So I've talked on here a few times before about the gym and my experience with the gym and not always feeling so comfortable there or feeling strong enough around the people around me and just having a lot of like imposter syndrome every single time I walk into the gym and struggling to like get over that and

that took me a little while to get over in the first place and it can be so uncomfortable and awkward to show up at the gym and have no idea what to do. And that is an experience that I think is universal for most guys that like we literally just don't talk about it to experience that I think mostly every single guy has had to go through at one point in time or another and just

Probably doesn't talk about because it's so weird to feel that way like it is just uncomfortable to walk in there and be like what the fuck do I do and how does every single other guy in here know what to do and know what that machine does and how to pull that thing down and what to do with that and how to do a pull-up and Like it's it's a really weird and uncomfortable thing

And even just walking in there is an intimidating thing and it's hard to let go of all of your ego around. I did a whole episode called the ego of weightlifting that I'm referencing. I did it a couple maybe a couple months ago. And in the beginning, like I had no idea where to stand or where to go or what equipment to use or what at all to even do. So I just had this designated

corner like it was a self designated corner. They weren't just like losers go over there like it was a place in the gym that I felt comfortable to go to because I knew I could do what I wanted to do over there and whatever that was. I don't even know what it was, but I at least got myself there. There was this area like

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It really was kind of a corner. was like by the Stair Masters. There was like a little window. It was it was not a spot to like workout. It was not it was really barely big enough to like fit like one mat and a couple of the free weights that I brought over. But it was a start for me. Like it was a place where I first felt comfortable going. And I think that's important to find even just a spot to start at and a place where you can feel comfortable to even get yourself to.

And it was an area that I felt comfortable to, as I said, put the mat down to bring some free weights over and do like a little lift or a Peloton workout. And that was a great starting place for me, like just getting there in the first place and knowing that in the morning when I wake up, I get out the door and I go to this area of the gym. It was good for me. And I saw that every other guy had a routine and was using the benches and the bench presses and the

fucking all the other machines that don't even know what they're still called. But that wasn't me. Like I didn't know where to start. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to go. And I just picked a spot and that kind of became my comfort place at the gym. And I didn't really move outside of that area because I had no idea what to do. Like I just stayed there. And I want to first say like if you're in that area, if you're feeling like that.

When you walk into the gym, you're like, what the fuck do I do here? And how does everybody else know what to do? I've been there. I lived there and in that experience for like a year, a year and a half, like a long time, much longer than I'm assuming most other people have to have that or go through that in order to feel confident enough to be like, all right, like I can now move over to another machine or try something else out. And that wasn't me. Like I just didn't feel comfortable enough trying something else out.

and I got really comfortable and maybe in a bad way, like stagnant in a way where I was just like content with what I was doing and felt like that was enough or felt like that was all I could do. And that was that was kind of it. Like that was my limit. And as I progressed and as I started to get more confident with everything after that year after was like after I was like, you know what, like

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I actually can do this. Like I've been coming here for a long time. I've proven that I can be consistent. I've proven that I can lift and that I've gotten stronger and that I've changed the weights and I've gone up in weight and like, you know what, maybe I can do this. And as I started to progress more and got more comfortable with even just moving around and kind of getting curious about like, what is that? And how does that person know what that does? And

I bet I could do that if I tried and I bet I could understand that if I just walked over there.

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And as I got more stronger and I kind of like leveled up in a sense and got more like comfortable, comfort, comfort ability, comfort ability. Is that a word? Comfort ability there. I knew I wanted to kind of like go out of my comfort zone, like expand out of my corner, out of my box, like try something new and develop further.

and I started to learn where shit was and I felt a little bit more confident. I decided to walk up to somebody, one of the trainers there, like, and I got to a point where...

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And now I'm at a place where I feel confident enough to walk up to somebody and ask like, you know, that like little like guy thing where guys are like, you still using that? Like, are you still on that? Like how many more sets do you have? Like that type of thing. When you walk up to somebody, like, you know, barely use any words. Just kind of like point and you like kind of like eye motion to what they're saying. And you know, like, you know what they're saying. They know what you're saying. And like, it's this like kind of telepathy, this like gym telepathy thing going on there.

And like how many sets you love? Like and you you know what I'm talking about I got to a place where I felt comfortable enough to do that and that would have been so Foreign to me two years ago. Like I would have never if you told me that was me now You I would laugh in your face. I would literally like laugh out loud and you've heard my laugh It's a big laugh Like I would literally be like there's no fucking way that I would ever do that feel confident enough to walk up to somebody and say like hey how many sets do you love because they would be like

What do you mean? How many times do I've left? Like you don't what do you why do you want to care? Why do you know? Why do you care? How many sets of this machine that you don't know how to use it? And they weren't thinking that like nobody is thinking that nobody has nobody cares. Nobody gives a fuck and that's kind of what I've learned over time and had to understand on my own and like this story that I built up in my head that every single other person at the gym was looking at me in the corner doing my little thing and being like

He can't bench press and like they are not saying that they're not even thinking about me Nobody's thinking about you and like that's kind of what I had to come to but like if you had told me that two years ago I'd be like, okay pal. Like there's no there's yeah, okay pal. Like there's no world in which that would be me But it is true like just showing up and starting and getting yourself to the starting place whether that is the corner whether that is the

little area in the gym that you first feel comfortable like getting yourself into the healthy habit and the routine of waking up and saying I'm gonna go get outside first thing in the morning and I'm gonna go to the gym is an incredible thing and like we have full like I have I had this conversation recently with somebody that I was talking about how crazy it is that we are all adults now like kind of adults in in bunny ear quotation marks, but like

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We are like we have the ability to either go to the gym in the morning or not or get out of our apartment at some point in the day or not. Like we have complete autonomy and complete control of our day of how we wake up of how we use our time of what we say of what we do even though it sometimes doesn't feel like that and it feels like the day has completely gotten away from you and nothing that you did today was was what you wanted to do and

didn't feel like I'm getting a little bit sidetracked and I'll go back in a second. I'm just let me get to this little sidebar. But we fully have autonomy. Like it is up to us what we do, what we say. It is up to us to be like, I'm gonna get up and go to the gym this morning. You.

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Like no one is pulling you out of bed and saying you have to go to the gym. Like nobody is waking you up, like shaking you, be like, get up, like it's time to go, like, like in your childhood, like when your mom or your dad would walk in and be like, come on, like, get up, like it's time for school, like get the fuck up. Like nobody is doing that now and it is completely up to us. It really is you doing that and nobody else. And it's beside the point, but it's also an important part of the point. Like it is really completely up to you if.

You want to progress if you want to get better if you want to feel more confident if you want to feel stronger if you want to level up if you are curious about things if you want to be curious about what you can do with your life and I am now comfortable enough to walk up to somebody at the gym and ask for and I guess in life but I'm talking about the gym specifically like comfortable enough to ask somebody for help or for some advice whereas

before I completely kept to myself and that was probably in terms of the gym and in life. Like I now have that comfortability to walk up to somebody and say like, how do I do this? Like I don't know. I think I know, but like, how do I do this and ask for guidance? And I asked one of the trainers at the gym to help build me a workout plan and I paid him for it. Like, of course, like I was just like, Hey, can you, I would love

for some help like I don't even know where to start like I come here and I do some stuff and I lift some weights and I put some stuff down and I pick some stuff up but like for the most part I don't know what to do like when I when I really get here and he did it and it was awesome and for the last few months I have been doing that routine maybe for the past like four ish months and

It was great and I got into this really consistent routine where I was doing these like five day splits and got really comfortable in that routine and started to get more confident with what I was doing and the weight I was lifting and all of the things I was talking about and

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He said to me like maybe a couple weeks ago when he saw me at the gym, he was like, I think it's time for you to like level up a little bit or change the plan. Like, do you feel comfortable in this? And I honestly wanted to be like, no, like I think I need more time with this. I think need to like sit in this more and like I need more weeks with this. And that's not the case. Like I for a couple weeks there, I was kind of like, oh, this is getting easy and this is getting like almost repetitive in a good way. Like

No, not in good way. In a way that's like, it's time to change what you're doing because it's not leveling you up or it's not really making any changes or any improvements. Like, the same thing consistently again and again and again, like there's no change, there's no growth, there's no real improvement. So like if my goal was to get stronger, which it is, and get bigger muscles, which it is, like...

That is there. There's a point in which that is no longer going to do that because I'm doing the same thing with the same weights again and again. It's just like maintaining. It's just consistent. Like it's not growth. And I wanted to be like, no, like I need more time with this. But like I knew it was ready to kind of like level up or try the next thing. So I said yes. And he built me another plan, which is like this 10 day plan now. And I looked at it and it scared.

the living shit out of me. Like I was like, I can't do any of this shit. Like I knew some of the moves. I didn't know some of them and it was so incredibly intimidating to look at. I was like, I know, no, no, like go, like give me my old routine back. Like I'm going to follow that note instead of this new one. Like I know I can't do that. And it had built in breaks and the allotted amount of time I was supposed to break for and

All of this shit and I looked through it and I said like there in my head I was like there is literally no way in hell that I can do this like I can't do this and For the first couple days after he built it I got to the gym and I looked at the plan and I was like no I'm gonna go back to my old one. Like I can't I'm not I'm not ready for this like this is such a next level up that like I am not prepared for I

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don't think I have this in me, no. And I went back to the old plan and I did that for a couple days. And I had this new plan like kind of waiting and it was just like sitting in the wings, like waiting for me to like acknowledge it or open it. And like I would just kind of like see it every day and then like scroll past it. And one day I decided to like test it out a little bit. So it said to do three sets and I ended up doing two of them and like three was written and it's like do that. I did the.

two and the next day I did like one of the three and I said like I don't think I have the time to do this like I don't think I have this in me like I was just making all these excuses for myself like saying like you don't have the time to do it well like I literally used half the time I spent at the gym scrolling through my phone like literally half of it and then I was like I'm out of time like I have to just do like a 10-minute core workout because I don't I can't

But it was all like in my head, like it was all me kind of creating this narrative that I am not strong enough, I'm not confident enough, I'm not big enough, I'm not good enough to do this new routine or to even try this new routine. And I kind of put it in my pocket and like for a few weeks I used the excuse of travel for work and holidays and trips and whatever and I just like.

I was doing anything I could to get that thing out of my sight, but in the back of my head it was always there that I wanted to try this, that like I had this new thing written for me and new thing created and like, it was there, but I was too afraid to try it like I'm not good enough to do that. And.

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like 15 minutes and there are, it has been like 15 minutes, there are so many sirens, I have to figure this out.

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Maybe like soundproof curtains.

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And what was happening there was me being so afraid to try it and

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And what was happening there was me being so afraid to try it, or rather scared to try it, because I didn't think I could do it, so I convinced myself I couldn't do it.

and that it was too much for me. And I thought like the only person that could do this type of workout is like Austin Butler, like somebody that is like huge and ripped and like has has been doing this for six weeks with like a personal trainer and like has the right nutrition and the right blah, blah, blah. And like, that's not me. And that will literally never be me. And like, I kind of like pushed that all the way and put myself into that box of like, I'm going maybe too hard, maybe too fat. Pause.

too hard and too fast pause. I was like, I'm going to, I'm doing too much. I'm... And what was happening to me was like, I was... And what was happening was I was afraid to try it or rather scared to try it.

because I didn't think I could, so I convinced myself I couldn't. And I thought, like, the only person that could do this is somebody that looks like Austin Butler and, is huge and ripped and is, like, just jacked and, like, that's the type of person that can handle this workout. And I thought, like, you know what, maybe I'm just going too hard and too fast. Pause. Like, maybe I'm just doing too much and, like, just...

Trying kind of too big maybe well pause maybe I'm just in over my head a little bit and I really psyched myself out and it's so crazy how much you can psych yourself out from things like this and I just was like no like I just kept pushing it off and pushing it off and

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He told me that by writing this for me, he would be happy to walk me through it and do a session of one of the days with me. And I was like, yeah, that's great. Thank you so much. And I'm like, no, I'm not gonna do that. I'm literally not gonna do that with him. But thank you for the offer. That's really nice. And the timing kinda kept getting pushed off. He had a trip, I had a trip. It just couldn't work. And then he texted me one day and he was like, hey, how's this day at this time? And it just...

The day kind of came that I no longer could move it. Like I just I had nothing that day and I was like, yeah, like that time works for me. So what I did instead of like I thought, okay, so like I have this session with him. Like I'm going to die if I try these workouts with like I feel like I'm literally going to die if I do this and he pushes me through this. I'm going to like land up on the floor. They're going to have to call an ambulance at the gym and that would be the most embarrassing part and I'm going to up right back in that corner. So I wrote up a list of like all of the workouts on there that I wasn't

sure of how to do so he could walk me through them and I was like okay that way I can like get out of this like a little bit like he wants to do a training session great like I'll write up the things that I need help with or like things that I'm like a little confused about so he can walk me through them and show me how to do them so I made up like a list of ten of them and he showed me how to do all of them and I was like okay like this isn't as bad as I thought like I can do all of these like nothing is out of the scope of my ability like I feel good doing all of them we went through all ten and he was like

Okay, now two more rounds. And I was like, come again? What? What did you just say to me? You want me to do all of that again and again? Twice? Two more times? I'm already dead and we just walked through them. We barely did them and I'm already exhausted. And he was like, yeah, yeah, like just two more times. Said it like it was like nothing. Like said it was like it was like the smallest deal in the world. Like, yeah, yeah, you got this. And I was like, huh.

Like I don't think I do actually. I don't think I do have that at all. I don't think I can do that. And I was so scared shitless of what I was gonna do or like how I was gonna handle the rest of it. And he was just like, yep, like come on, like do it again. Like it was like the most casual thing in the world. Like it was just like eating lunch. He was just like, yeah, like you got this. And I was like, okay. And I did. And like I literally, I did it. And...

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My legs felt like absolute fucking jello after like I was I pushed myself to such a limit where I felt like I was gonna like faint which isn't good like that's definitely not good but like I proved to myself I also didn't have a lot of water I'm making yeah whatever but I proved to myself that I could do it and that like I pushed myself to the absolute limit but I did it and

That still didn't mean that like the next day when I got there and looked at the same workout plan, I wasn't like woof. Like I still showed up the next day and I was like, like I don't know if I could do this again. Like I did it yesterday. I'm, so sore from it. Like, I don't know if I can do it on another day and

I did the same thing today and I looked at it and I was like, I still don't know if I can do this. Like even though I proved to myself I could, like I had psyched myself out for so long that I was like, I don't know. And when you're looking at something from the big picture of everything combined, all of the, in this case scenario, all of the workouts in one, it was like six or seven workouts, three times over, it can be so scary and overwhelming.

And when you're looking at a workout plan that you haven't done before or don't do often and it says repeat three times. And when you're looking at something from the big picture, it can be so scary and overwhelming. And when you're looking at a workout plan that has six hard movements that you haven't done before or you don't do often and it says repeat those three times with minimal breaks, you think to yourself, I

can't do this because I can't do this once like who's talking about three times I can't get to this once what are you fucking talking about and you just go

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And then...

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And just because you got down the one move and you understand the second move, like that doesn't mean you you understand the third or the fourth and like you're you just you really can overwhelm yourself by looking at it with the big picture. And we can be so in our own heads between our ears, behind our eyes and convince ourselves that we can't just because we haven't before, especially because we haven't before. But if you take it one movement at a time.

one thing at a time, and one step at a time, it becomes

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But if you take it one movement at a time, one thing at a time, one step at a time, for real, it becomes so much more manageable and simple. And then you get through all six and you think to yourself, huh, like I just did that. And you know, that wasn't as bad as it looked. It was bad. It was hard. Like it was definitely not easy. It was not easy to say the least, but I did it.

And it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. It was hard, but I did it. And you know that you can do it again, even though you may show up tomorrow and say, this looks hard, I don't know if I can do it. You already did it. And you proved to yourself that you could do it. One thing at a time, one step at a time, one at a time. And then when you become familiar with it,

It's not as far in or as scary. One thing at a time, one movement at a time, one step at a time, one day at a time. And we can so easily convince ourselves, as I had for like a month, that, and I had for like a year before that in the corner of the gym, that we can't, that we're not good enough.

That we're not ready. That we're not strong enough. We're not big enough. We're not tall enough. We're not old enough. All of these things that we can so easily and so naturally ingrain in our own heads and tell ourselves. That maybe I'm meant to stay here. Maybe I'm meant to stay small and to stay where I am.

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And I think this applies to everything. Like, I think this applies to so many different things. And I use the gym as this like metaphor for life, like showing up for stuff and being consistent. And I'm not even using it as a metaphor because it truly is like the thing that I do and I struggle with and I kind of like wrestle with all the time because I love it and it makes me feel so good and it makes me feel so much better mentally, physically, emotionally, all of it.

going there is so important to me. It has become so, so ingrained in who I am. And again, I'm not the, you look, you know what I look like. You see me right now. I'm not the biggest person. I'm not the strongest person. I'm not the skinniest, most like athletic person, but.

It is so important to me to show up to be consistent, to lift, to try. And it becomes this metaphor for everything else on this podcast and in my own head, but like, it's not even just a metaphor. Like it really is the actual thing too. And I went back the next day and I looked at the plan and I said, God, this is still really so intimidating. and someone might look at my plan and be like, that isn't hard. Like, what are you talking about? And it may not be for that person.

But for me it is, and for me it's new, and for me it's scary, and it's intimidating, and it's overwhelming. And it's not something I've done before, or it's at least a new way to look at the things I've done before. And just because I went for the- and just because I went to the gym for-

two years doesn't mean that a new plan at the gym and I guess all that to say is just because I went to the gym for two or three years before this that doesn't mean a new plan at the gym is just going to come easily and naturally to me and feel simple and easy and and regular and like that I can just do that and I'm not scared by it or intimidated by it and just because you found the first job easily that doesn't mean that will be the

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same way for the next job. And just because you broke up with somebody before doesn't mean that this next breakup is going to be easy and that you'll be okay as quickly as you were after.

And just because you handled all of your tasks at work yesterday, that doesn't mean that sitting down in front of your computer today is going to be easy and not overwhelming and that having a ton of emails and slacks and messages to respond to that pull you in every single direction beside the one you want to go in feels easy and feels simple and makes you feel good. Like, just because you did all that yesterday does not mean it's going to come easily today.

And you can apply this to literally every situation. I kind of applied that to work, to relationships, to the gym, to your morning. Just because you got up easily yesterday morning doesn't mean it's gonna be easy to wake up today. Just because you didn't snooze your alarm yesterday doesn't mean you're not gonna snooze it 16 times this morning. Just because you went to bed early and on time and got the amount of sleep you wanted yesterday doesn't mean you will today. Just because you did it once doesn't mean that it's gonna come easily and simply again.

or naturally or happen easily. And when you're looking at this big picture of everything combined, it can look really doomy and gloomy. Like it can look really dark when you're like, shit, like I don't know how the fuck I'm going to handle.

All of this together like these 10 tasks I have to get done by 5 p.m. I don't know how the fuck I'm gonna do that like that is not gonna happen. That's literally not gonna happen. It can really be so big and scary and especially after you're exhausted of two rounds. You're like how the fuck am I gonna do the third like I barely made it through the second. I don't know how I'm gonna do the next one. So break it apart. Take it one thing at a time one thing that you can accomplish.

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each time. And then it will come together and you'll start to realize that you were always capable, that you could always handle it, that just because you couldn't before doesn't mean you can't now, or just because you thought you couldn't before doesn't mean you never were able to. One thing at a time. And then it will come together and you will become curious about your potential.

and you'll realize that you could have done it sooner.

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I guess this whole, my whole realization over the past week of trying this new routine, and it really just has been this week of me trying it, is that I could have done this months ago. I could have tried this months ago. Maybe I wasn't ready. Maybe I scared myself out of being ready. Regardless of what I said to myself or what I convinced myself of.

However, I got out of that. I'm now out of it. However long it took me. It's not worth looking back and being like, I could have done this for three months. I could have done this for six months. Like I'm here now and that doesn't make it any easier, but it is simple. It is it is manageable. Like you can do what you want to do. You just have to kind of rewire what's happening up here between your ears behind your eyes. You have to just kind of

Reconvince yourself or unsight yourself out from all of this shit and the way I do that is breaking the things down So instead of looking at it as six moves in a row I literally made spaces between the six things in my notes app So I took it one movement at a time. So it was ten reps of benchpress instead of going from ten Ben ten reps of

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Instead of going of instead of looking at it as 10 reps of bench press into 12 burpees into fucking whatever the next thing was and whatever the next thing was, like I could read you my whole routine, but I'm not going to that. That'd be really boring. Maybe that wouldn't be boring if you want me if you want me to do it, I would be happy to and like share what I'm doing with everybody. Maybe that'd be fun. But instead of looking at it as move like movement, movement, movement, movement, like six things in a row that I'm like, I can't handle any of that.

I take it one at a time and I'm like, all right, I can handle that one. And then I scroll down like I'm like, all right, what's the next one? And then what's the next one? And what's the next one? And it becomes so much more simple and it becomes easier because I'm like, you know what? I can do that. And I did do that. And tomorrow it may not be easier when I look at it, but I'm going to try and then I'll try again.

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And I'm applying that to everything. Like I'm really applying this same mindset or headspace to everything currently in life because it all can be overwhelming when you look at it all in one thing. You're like,

It all gets really overwhelming when you look at it all together and breaking it apart and into pieces and into kind of one at a time makes it so much easier and so much better for me. And I think it will for you too if you're in a similar place or in a similar mindset or headspace that you convince yourself that you can't and you really can.

That is the episode. Thank you so much. Listen to guys said a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh. I'm 25 years old and I'm here every single week every single Tuesday to talk about what should be talked about for guys in their 20s. If you like this episode, I really hope you did. Please like, subscribe to this podcast. Five stars movie that's one, two, four, five stars. Not for the two. I appreciate that. If you have any of us talk about that, should we talk about Sanitum? No.

If you have anything you me to talk about that should be talked about for guys in their 20s, head over to guyset.com, G-U-Y-S-E-T.com, and there's an Ask Me Anything right there. You can click on it, it goes right to me. It can be anonymous, you can say whatever you want, and I will be sure to talk about it. I'll probably do a whole episode of Dear Guys Set Questions like I do every month, where I'll answer the questions that come in, and they're my favorite episodes to do, and they're some of your favorites. I love doing them, and I can't wait to do more of them, so please ask me anything right there, guyset.com.

Thank you so much listening to guys that you can also check out weekly blog posts, old interviews, everything on that website guys.com. I'm putting on I'm putting like a ton of other content blog posts answering everything that we talked about for guys in their twenties on that website. I'm loving doing it so far and I think you are too. So thank you for checking that out and keep checking that out. Thank you so much listening guys. Thank you so much listening to guys that a guy's guide to what should be talked about and I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.