How To Actually Figure Out What You Want To Do

Last week I talked about the transition from college to life after college. And around this time every year, I like to give some advice about graduating to anyone graduating in my own way, kind of like a little bit of a graduation speech, if you will.

And I think that advice evolves every year and changes with each year and the value I can provide to somebody in that position in that seat at graduation changes and grows with what I now know. By no means do I know everything and I will never act like I know everything. That is the whole purpose of this podcast and the point is that I'm going through everything alongside you.

But I do think I've learned some things along the way and I feel like I have some sort of wisdom or wisdom is not the right word. It's not wisdom, but it's some sort of advice and things that I have learned in my life that I think have really helped me that I want to share with you. And that I think can apply to any stage of your life. Like I don't think this just applies to somebody sitting in the graduation seat. I think it also applies to somebody

who's 22, who's 24, who's 26, who's 28. You get what I'm trying to say. I think it applies to all of these different ages and stages of your life and will continue to as we grow and as we go. And I wanna tell you something that has helped me in my life so far or something that has helped me so far in my life. And I wanna talk to you about something I call finding your through line.

A through line is a thing that I see as something that transcends everything else. A few examples would be like Apple's through line is that they make amazing products. Everything else kind of falls to the side outside of the fact that they want to innovate and they make amazing products. Noah Khan's through line is that he makes incredibly vulnerable music because he believes it is important to make people feel less alone.

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and he knows that the personal is universal. Those are just two quick examples of what I see as a through line for something. A through line for guys set would be that I also know that the personal is universal. By sharing my experiences, what I've learned so far, what I'm going through and what I continue to go through as vulnerable and as awkward and as weird that it can be sometimes.

I know that it's important to talk about this stuff because I wanted that when I was younger. I know that it's important to talk about this stuff because I know there are so many guys out there that are looking for this, that are looking for something like this because nothing like this exists. That is the through line of guys that I will always be trying to answer the questions that guys are asking. Always be thinking about what is that 1 a.m. question or 1 a.m. thought that I can provide a little bit of solace for, a little bit of advice for, make you feel less alone in that feeling.

That is the through line of Geisset. And I want to talk to you today about finding your through line. One of the hardest things to figure out after graduation is what you actually want to do. You ask yourself questions like, I in the right job? Is the job that I'm going to the right job? Is what I'm doing right for me? And my advice isn't to stop worrying about all of that.

That is something that it's okay to be thinking about and something that is okay to want to figure out in life. But my advice is to stop trying to figure it out right now and all at the same time. In Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford graduation commencement speech, he talked about how when he dropped out of college, that actually enabled him to stop taking the required classes that didn't interest him

and start dropping in on the ones that did. He said, much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. He gives the example of taking a calligraphy class that he was excited by. He said, I learned about all these different fonts, the spaces between fonts, letter combinations. I learned about what it takes to make great typography. And he found that specifically fascinating.

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He goes on to say that none of this even had a hope of practical application in his life. But 10 years later, when they were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to him as they were designing the computer. And that actually made it the first computer to have beautiful and different typographies. And he said if he had never dropped in on that single course, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces and proportionally spaced fonts.

And then he also says that since Windows copied Mac, no personal computer would have had them, which is honestly really funny. And what he says next is what I found to be so profound. He says that, course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward, but it became very clear looking backwards 10 years later. You can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backward.

You have to trust that the dots will connect in your future. You have to trust in something. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well-worn path and that will make all of the difference. I mean, that is exactly what I'm talking about here. It's finding...

the through line of all of your experiences that you are going to have or that you have had so far and putting them together to kind of like weave the web of your experiences.

Finding all of the different things that you're interested in and all of your experiences that you are going to inevitably have or that you have already had and combining them together to create your own through line Obviously that is so much better. That is like so much better said than I would have ever said it

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And that's why I wanted to start out with it. That's why I wanted to provide that as like a baseline for what I'm talking about. So it doesn't sound like I'm just making this up and pulling it out of my ass, you know, like, but like this is something real and he's talking about it as connecting the dots. I'm talking about it as finding your through line. Chase the things that peak your interest. And even like within your job, even within your first job or your second job, there are things that you can find.

And I was talking to somebody yesterday who was telling me about his first job and saying that the job he was in was not at all what he wanted to be doing. Like he just realized within it that it was not what he saw for himself, not really what he wanted to do with his career. But within the job, he found an element that he was excited about. Like there was a meeting, there was a project that every time it was coming up, he found himself really excited for it and looking forward to it. Every time there was something that came up about this thing,

He wanted to work on it. Like that is what drove him forward. And I thought that was one of the most interesting parts of the conversation we had because it reminded me that you're not supposed to love every single part of your job and you're not going to love every single part of your job. But if there is something within there, if there is something you can find that piques your interest, that excites you, that gets you excited to go to the office or get on Zoom or hop on whatever you're on, if there's something you can find that that lights you up,

That is the thing that you're supposed to chase. That is your, that is you telling yourself that that's it. Go, go after that thing. How can I bring that thing deeper into my life? How can I incorporate whatever that is into my next job, into my next career? How can I use that as a signal as like a bat signal? That is what I'm supposed to be doing because I'm interested in that and I'm excited by that.

And if you can find the one or two things that excite you or that invigorate you, that make you want to open your eyes a little bit wider when you're there, the moments that you look forward to, the projects that actually light you up, the meetings that you don't dread going to or attending, the things that you're like, I can actually work on that. I want to work on that. The things you like see yourself raising your hand for, those are the things to follow. That's the thing to chase.

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Those are the things that are piquing your interest. That is where you should start. And in my last two jobs, of course, there are those meetings that you dread that I'm like, oh God, like I have to go sit this meeting with that person and like talk to them about this thing that I don't give a shit about at all. And I think everybody has those experiences. Like there's at least one meeting a week that you're like, fuck. Like there's always gonna be something in there in work and in your job that you are not looking forward to, that you're not excited by.

But if you can find the one meeting that you are excited by that does drive you, that is where your passion lies. That is where you're excited. That is like an amazing gift that you have gotten that you've received.

And if you think hard enough about it, and if you're in work right now, or if you're in a job, or in a career that you're having the questions of like, is what I'm doing right? Am I in the right place? Am I in the right crowd? Is what I'm doing what I want to be doing? I think if you think hard enough about it, there will be a certain element, there will be a certain project, a meeting, a thing that you can point to, at least one that you've really liked, that you've been excited by.

that is the thing that you wanna keep chasing. That is you, without even knowing it, developing a passion or a skill set for something that you wanna work on or work toward. And you can also ask yourself what comes naturally to you? What do you not have to push really hard at? What comes quickly and easily and just happens? What are you excited by? What are you passionate about?

I think it's funny that we don't really talk about the things that come naturally to us and we kind of dismiss them, we kind of push them to the side and they're like, like those aren't gonna be that relevant or those aren't going to be the things that like make a career or I can make money off of or actually like make something of myself out of. We don't talk about the things that come naturally to us or that we're already good at as if they can't be a part of what you do every day, as if they can't be

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a part of your job or become your career that work and job and employment has to be this separate entity that's like troublesome tiresome day in and day out thing. What if I told you it doesn't have to be that what if I told you that you can actually figure out the things that you are good at that come naturally to you that you are excited by and make a career out of those things.

If you left this talk right now and made a list of the three things that you are good at, the three things that you are excited by, the three things that you want to do, or the three qualities you like about yourself, or maybe do it right now as I'm talking to you, what would those three things be? And they can all be in one list too. They can all, they can just be three things in general. I just made a bunch of different prompts just for you to find three in all of that. Can you do it right this second?

Can you do it as I'm speaking to you? Do they come quickly to you? And if not, you might already have some answers to those questions. It might come really quickly and naturally. And if you can't make that list right now, that's totally okay. Like you're not expected to figure all of the answers out right now. But I hope what I say in the rest of this episode, in the rest of this graduation speech, if you will, will incite some of those answers, will give you some new perspectives that maybe you can draw from or you can take from.

What if your life and your career and what you do with your time didn't have to feel like the thing that just happened to you or you just fell into? When you graduate, it can feel like you just start a job and that kind of snowballs forward and forward and you're just rolling down this hill into like an inevitable snow pile of like what and you can't really get out of it or restart or

know what to do next because when you're rolling down that hill, the snow just gets bigger and bigger and the time to restart or reset or change things up or move to the side or decide to stop where you are and change things, change patterns, decide to do something differently, decide to do something new feels really hard. It feels really impossible at times. But what if I told you that your career and what you do with your time

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don't have to feel like things that just happened to you. And the best way to start figuring out what you actually want to do is to be curious. Go through the world with an open mind and a wandering eye. Ask questions and ask again. Don't be afraid to say, don't understand. Ask for clarification because I guarantee somebody else in that room also has no idea what they are talking about.

Volunteer. Offer to help. Say, I'll do that when nobody else does. Staying curious will help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It will open new doors and new opportunities. It will invite you into places that you didn't know existed before. It will open doors that felt entirely shut before. Staying curious, keeping an open mind, asking questions, trying new things, raising your hand when nobody else will.

All of those things will give you more opportunities that will allow you to see what is out there, what is possible, what is potential for you. Figuring out what you want to do won't come overnight. It won't come naturally, and I don't think it has to anybody ever. It's important to the time to figure out or at least consider what you want to do with your life and with your time.

Because if you don't, you will find yourself in like four to seven years from now, waking up in a job and feeling like you've just fallen into place and you're just kind of in like a Truman Show type situation where you're just going through the motion and continuing on and continuing forward. You'll get this overwhelming feeling that life and the world is happening to you when in fact it is not. When in fact you have control

over what you do and how you spend your time, even if it doesn't feel like it at all. You can start to find the things in your day that you do that make sense, that drive you, that excite you, and build from there. One way to start. If you have no idea where to start, a great way to start figuring out what to do is by figuring out what you don't want to do, what you're bad at, what you

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don't like. This might sound counterintuitive, but it's a great way to start by like making a checklist of all of the things that you're doing at work that don't feel good, that don't feel right, that you're bad at, that don't come naturally to you, that you just find hard or intense or just make you feel bad about yourself and really doubt your abilities and what you can do, that don't serve you, that don't feel good, that don't feel like things you want to keep pursuing. That is one way to start.

by checking off all the things or by like, Xing out all the things that you don't want to do that, that will create some sort of direction for you that cancels out so many other things that you that made all of this more overwhelming. Because when you graduate, when you start to think about everything you can do, you're like, I could do everything I could do anything. And that feeling is daunting. Because you're like, well, where do I even start? What do I even do? Where do I even go?

By deciding what you don't wanna do, by Xing out a lot of the options or the potential possibilities or potential lifestyles, that helps you create your direction. Use your classes and your internships or your job experiences to figure out what you don't wanna do. Start there. Over time, you'll weed out all of those career paths and jobs that aren't right for you.

which makes this whole idea of what I want to do so much less overwhelming. You'll start by thinking you want to do this. You'll try it and realize that maybe it's actually this or maybe I don't want to do this at all. Or maybe it will take you on a completely different path than you ever thought you'd be on or it take you to a different job or a different experience. And over the next few years and in time, you'll start to navigate toward the path you actually want to be on.

Over time and in jobs, you'll meet so many different people who are all in completely different functions and you'll gain a real understanding of all of these different jobs and career paths that you could do or you might have wanted to do or wanted to experience or wanted to try. And by meeting people and actually understanding what their day to day looks like, what they actually do for work, you will also weed out and check mark all of these opportunities and possibilities for yourself.

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Some you'll say, absolutely want to try that. That is something I actually really want to do. I could see myself in that role. And others you'll look at and be like, I really thought that was for me, but I have no interest in what they do. And I actually had no idea what they do. I just thought it was this big glamorous thing. And it actually is this and they are working this and doing this and it sucks. Like by meeting people, by talking to people, by putting yourself out there and asking questions, being curious about what people do, you will...

start to actually figure out the different career paths, the different possibilities that you have for yourself. And over time, you'll start to find the things at each experience that you're actually good at, that you're meant to do, that piece together to form your puzzle. I like that line. It's one of the best ways to understand what everybody actually does and how everything works by actually being in a company and

like really giving it all, giving it your all by talking to people in there, by reaching out to people and saying like, hey, I'd love to learn more about what you do. Can we talk? Hey, I'd love to get 15 minutes of your time or 30 minutes of your time. I'd love to grab a coffee. I'd like to get lunch and just talk to you about what you do. You will gain an understanding of what people actually do, what day-to-day business looks like by putting yourself in rooms with people where you are far from the smartest person in there.

you will start to understand what that business is actually like. A plus side of this is you'll start to understand how businesses work and how people function in businesses and how different jobs work here and the thing you thought you wanted to do actually exists in this way. And you'll really start to understand what all of these roles are like. And it is one of the best ways to make all of the different possibilities of what your life could look like.

feel so much less of overwhelming.

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Put yourself in the place and show up with an open mind and an intense curiosity for how everything works. Think of it as sharpening your pencil every few weeks or so. Over the few weeks of work, it kind of dulls over time and when you get in a routine and it gets repetitive and you get bored, by staying curious, by keeping an open mind, by talking to new people, by asking questions, you keep sharp.

By wondering, you keep it sharp. And within all of this, you'll start to find out the things that you're actually good at. You will start to find your through line. It is like a gift to find the things that you are good at. When you do find them, do not run away from them. Chase them as fast as you can and grab them with both hands.

And that is how you will eventually figure out what you want to do with your career and with your life. What you want to be. Who you want to become. What you want to make of this one life that we are given and gifted. What is your through line? Only you can answer that. I think these are really great ways to start figuring out where to start. Because where to start is the hardest part.

And when you do start feeling like you're in the wrong place or doing the wrong thing or not knowing if what you're doing is right, all of those thoughts, all those crazy thoughts that swirl around in your head that make you feel kind of crazy, make it harder to figure out what you're supposed to do because you're just kind of doubting yourself. You're comparing yourself to everybody else, everybody else's path and what they're doing. Or you're comparing yourself to your alternate paths, your alternate possibilities.

what you could be doing. There's so much comparison, there's so much doubt, there's so much, so many other emotions and feelings that can cloud your judgment and cloud what you're doing right now. And when you're in something, you have an incredible opportunity. When you're in your first job or your second job, when you're in your internship, when you're in work, when you're in that experience.

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You have an opportunity to start figuring out whatever it is that you feel like you should be doing by looking at the things that excite you by finding the things that spark your energy or your joy or your excitement. It may be one thing. It may be everything, but I guarantee you can find at least one thing in whatever you're doing that brings you that energy that brings you the feeling that I'm talking about of like, I actually am looking forward to that meeting.

I want to work on just that. I want to do more of that. whenever somebody asks me a question about that, like I actually feel like I know what I'm talking about. I'm excited by that. I'm driven by that. Like that is the thing. And if you haven't found it yet, that doesn't mean you won't. You have to look harder. You have to think about the things that feel sometimes mundane or feel like they come easily to you that you kind of push to the side and swipe away as if they don't matter.

look deeper into what actually drives you or excites you or comes easy to you. That's one of the best things I've figured out looking back at my past few jobs now is that there were moments and there were things and there were meetings that I was so excited by. There were conversations or projects that like really lit me up that at the time I kind of dismissed because I was like, that's not going to be a career. I can't make a career out of that. That's not going to be a job or that's not going to be something I can do.

And I'm here to tell you that that is the opposite of the truth. That is absolutely something you can do. That is the perfect place to start from. That is how to start with what you know now today. Going back to what Steve Jobs said in his graduation commencement speech, he talked about you can only connect the dots looking back, not looking forward. Looking back at my previous job experience, and not to make this about me, but

to make this about me, because I think it's a good example, but looking back at my previous job experiences, I can point to things in them that now shaped the career or what I'm doing right now. I can point to the things in those jobs that I'm like, shit, those were those moments for me. Those were the things that I was like, I'm excited by these, I should be doing that. Those are the skills I built that are now coming to a head and creating what I'm doing now. That was it.

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And I didn't understand it. I didn't understand it in the moment. And you can't understand it in the moment. It's impossible to. But looking back over my past four or five years of work experience now, I understand. I see it like so much more clearly than I ever could have in them. And I ever would have if I didn't take the time to think about it, to make that list of things, to really consider what I want to do, what I want to be, what I want to make of myself.

And I think that some of the best advice I can give you in any position right now, if you're doubting what if you're doubting that what you're doing is right, or if it's what you want to be doing with your life, if you're unsure of what you want to make of yourself or in your career, what you want to do with your time. It's one of the most important questions that we can ask ourselves. Because as I said, this is like the one thing this is it like there's no second, you know.

Why not at least try to figure out what drives you and excites you and see if you can make something of it. And I guarantee and I'm sure you can. And I'm excited to talk like this and share this with you because I never heard somebody talk like this at my graduation. I never heard this type of like, I think it's really practical and tactical advice that you can really apply to your day right now. And you can start

figuring out and putting those pieces of the puzzle together, but also feel like they start to answer these like really big, impossible existential questions of like, what am I supposed to do? It feels like a practical solution to that in a way, or like at least a way to start chipping away at that iceberg that feels like it's like the block and in the center of it, it says like your purpose and around it is like this impossibly impenetrable

Ice sculpture that you just like are picking at every single day that you're like I'm never gonna make it to the center of this I'm never going to find what's the center of that tootsie pop because like it's gonna take me my entire life to figure that out and By the time I do or if I even get close to it, it's gonna be too late. I Think that what I'm telling you right now is like the pickaxe to that like it's a it's a way to start chipping away at it

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and start to start answering those questions and the bigger, like more, what feel to be these overwhelming, impossible questions. I hope what I'm saying resonates with you. I hope it excites you. I hope it doesn't overwhelm you at all. I hope what I'm saying feels practical, feels as practical as I hope it does and that these are ways that you can start really figuring out what you wanna do.

In setting out to do these types of episodes where I feel like I want to give some sort of great advice, to be honest with you, I get really nervous and I get that little bit of imposter syndrome that I'm like, who am I to give any of this advice? Like, I don't know any more than you do. But that's kind of the point. That's the purpose. It's what I said in the beginning is like, I don't know any better than you. I'm just sharing what I have learned so far, what I think would be helpful.

and what I would wanna know in those shoes that I was in. What I would want somebody to tell me when I was in that place or in that space. What I would want someone to sit me down and tell me right now. That is all I can do and I think there is a lot of value in that. I think there is value in not undermining the advice you have to give or what you wanna share and which I'm being hypocritical by saying that because I'm undermining myself right now.

But I do get a little bit of that imposter-y, like, who am I to tell you any of this? But I think that this is helpful, and I use this. I apply this to my everyday life, and I think this is something that has helped me so far in my life, and I hope it helps you too.

That is the episode. Thank you so much. Listen to guys set the guys guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh. I'm 25 years old and I'm here every single week, every single Tuesday to talk about what should be talked about for guys. If you like this episode, I really hope you did. Please like, subscribe to this podcast. Five stars on visits. One, two, four, five stars, not four, not three, not two, not one. Definitely not one. It's five stars. Thanks. Thank you so much for that. I really, really appreciate that. If you have any questions that you want to talk about that should be talked about for guys head over, head over to my website, guyset.com G U Y S E T.com.

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There is an ask me anything button right there. You can ask me anything. I'll be sure to talk about it next week. I'm to be doing a dear guy set episode that I do every third week of the month where I ask answer your questions that you're asking. So please write in anything else to include it in that episode. And if not, I'll include it in the next one. Of course you can find daily blog posts on guys set across dating, lifestyle, relationships, mindset, comparison, doubt, career, life, like really style any

Questions that guys have I'm answering the questions that guys are asking every day I post about four or five blog posts a day on there that answer like really specific questions and I'm so excited by that because I feel like that is One of the best solutions that I've come up with so far to this type of thing It's like an extension of what I do on here over there But like even knee sure sometimes I get even like deeper into like one of the most popular blog posts or questions that I've answered so far is like

What do I text the girl after I get her number? Because like who else is answering that beside guys? So you can find that on there on guyset.com. You can also check out my other podcast. It's called, if you're going on a date this week, where I talk about everything across music, movies, TV shows, pop culture, entertainment, sports, really anything going on the going on in the world that you could talk about on your date. That is every Monday and every Thursday. You can find it on the same channel on YouTube at guyset, but you can also find it on a separate audio feed on Spotify and

Apple podcasts, just if you search, if you're going on a date this week. So I do that twice a week. I love doing that one as well. It started out as like an Instagram and Tik Tok real idea. And I really love doing that as well. And it's been a ton of fun. So check that out as well. Thank you so much for listening to guys set a guy's guide to what should be talked about. And I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.