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#80 - Living On Your Own For The First Time

Dec 10, 2024

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If you're living on your own for the first time (with roommates also counts) this episode is for you

How to Start Living for Yourself in Your 20s: Breaking Free from Other People's Expectations

Stop Living for Other People's Approval

One of the biggest challenges guys face in their twenties is breaking free from the constant need for approval. We spend so much energy worrying about what others think that we forget to ask ourselves what we actually want. If you're struggling with this, you're not alone - and there's a way forward.

The Fear That Keeps You Stuck

When I first thought about starting this podcast, I held myself back for months. I was terrified of how people would judge me for talking openly about emotions, mental health, and personal struggles. Would my friends think differently of me? Would it hurt my professional reputation? Would I embarrass myself?

These fears are real, but they're also limiting. The truth is, most people are too focused on their own lives to spend much time judging yours. And even if they do judge? That's their issue, not yours.

The Key Question That Changes Everything

Here's the game-changing question I learned to ask myself: How will I view myself if I don't try?

When you're considering doing something that scares you, weigh these two outcomes:

How you'll feel about yourself if you try and possibly fail
How you'll feel about yourself if you never try at all

For me, the fear of regret was stronger than the fear of judgment. I realized I'd rather try and risk embarrassment than live wondering "what if?"

Start With One Thing You've Always Wanted to Try

Living for yourself doesn't require a complete life overhaul. Start with one thing you've always wanted to do but held back from because of fear or insecurity.

Maybe it's:

Going to that intimidating section of the gym
Starting a creative project
Taking a class you're interested in
Having an honest conversation with someone
Pursuing a hobby you think you're "not good enough" for

Pick one thing and just begin. You don't have to be great at it right away - you just have to start.

Embrace Failure as Part of the Process

Here's what nobody tells you: you have to be willing to fail to start living authentically. When I first started lifting, I could barely bench press the empty bar. I knew I'd fail if I tried heavier weights, but I tried anyway. That failure was necessary - it was the starting point for growth.

Risk failure head-first. Try things knowing you might not succeed immediately. The only real failure is never trying at all.

Focus on How You'll Feel in Two Years

Time moves faster than we think. Two years can feel like a blink of an eye when you look back. Ask yourself: when you look back two years from now, what will you be proud of trying? What risks will you be glad you took?

I look back at starting this podcast and feel proud that I pushed through the fear and committed to it. Future you will thank present you for being brave enough to try.

Create Non-Negotiable Practices

Living for yourself means establishing routines and practices that serve you, regardless of what others think. For me, this includes:

Strength training 5-6 times per week - This has given me more confidence than anything else I've done
Journaling regularly - Helps me process thoughts and track growth
This weekly podcast - Keeps me committed to authentic self-expression

Find what genuinely makes you feel better about yourself and make it non-negotiable.

Remember: You're Liked More Than You Know

Here's something worth remembering: you're probably liked and appreciated more than you realize. Someone in your class or at work genuinely enjoys when you show up. That friend you lost touch with thinks of you fondly. Your presence matters to people in ways you might never know.

You don't need to pretray a different version of yourself to be worthy of connection. The real you - with all your imperfections and interests - is enough.

The Two-Step Process to Authentic Living

Take the risk - Try the thing you've been scared to try
Stick with it - Commit to it through both successes and failures

It's not enough to just try something once. Real change comes from consistency, from showing up even when it's hard or when you're not seeing immediate results.

Your Time is Now

Don't wait for the "perfect moment" to start living for yourself. That moment doesn't exist. The best time to start is now, while you're young enough to build these habits and brave enough to fail and try again.

Your twenties are the perfect time to figure out who you are when you're not trying to please everyone else. Use this time to experiment, fail, learn, and grow into the person you actually want to be.

The people worth having in your life will support you in becoming your authentic self. The ones who don't? That's valuable information too.

Ready to start living for yourself? Josh shares more insights about confidence, authenticity, and finding your path on the Guyset podcast. New episodes drop every Tuesday with practical advice for guys navigating their twenties.

The Complete Guide to Living on Your Own in Your 20s: What Nobody Tells You

Everything you need to know about moving out for the first time, from managing expenses to finding yourself

Moving out of your parents' house and living on your own for the first time is one of the biggest transitions in your twenties. Whether you're fresh out of college, ready to leave the family nest, or moving to a new city for work, the shift from living at home to true independence can feel overwhelming and exciting in equal measure.

If you're about to take this leap, you're probably wondering: What should I actually expect? What are the things nobody warns you about? How do I even adult properly?

As someone who's been living independently for over two years, I'm here to give you the real talk about what living on your own is actually like—the good, the challenging, and the surprisingly expensive parts that nobody mentions.

The Reality Check: It's Not Just About Freedom

Sure, living on your own means you can eat cereal for dinner and stay up until 3 AM binge-watching Netflix without anyone judging you. But it also means when your radiator starts leaking at 11 PM, you're the one dealing with it. When you're out of toilet paper, nobody's magically restocking it. Welcome to the world of actual adulting.

The 5 Pillars of Living Independently

1. Taking Care of Things (AKA Everything Is Now Your Problem)

The Hard Truth: If you don't fix it, clean it, or replace it—it won't get done.

In the past two years, I've dealt with:

A radiator leak that turned my apartment into a swimming pool
A shower door that literally fell off
No hot water for a week straight
Lights that stopped working (and stayed broken for two weeks because I didn't know it was an electrical issue, not just dead bulbs)
A washing machine flood
Mice (we named him Timothy Chalamet—he disappeared after a day)
A gas leak incident where my roommate left the stove on overnight

Essential Supplies You'll Burn Through Faster Than Expected:

Toilet paper and paper towels (seriously, buy in bulk)
Hand soap (you'll run out constantly)
Laundry detergent and dryer sheets
Cleaning supplies (Lysol wipes, shower cleaner, toilet wands)
Tissues (good luck finding any when you need them)
Light bulbs

Pro Tips for Taking Care of Things:

Keep your landlord's contact info easily accessible—you'll need it
Have at least two sets of sheets so you can wash one while using the other
Change your sheets at least once a month (more if you're having "sleepovers")
Fold laundry immediately after washing—resist the pile temptation
Stock up on basics before you run out, not after

2. Time Management (Your Time Is Actually Yours Now)

The Overwhelming Truth: Complete freedom over your time is both amazing and paralyzing.

Some days you'll waste entire afternoons and feel terrible about it. Other days you'll accomplish everything on your list and feel unstoppable. Both are normal.

The Dinner Dilemma: One of the biggest time management challenges is figuring out meals. Cooking dinner can easily take your entire evening when you factor in grocery shopping, prep, cooking, eating, and cleanup. You'll start to understand why people meal prep or order takeout so much.

Finding Your Rhythm:

You don't need to have it all figured out immediately
Time management skills develop over months, not weeks
It's okay to have days where you feel unproductive
The process of figuring it out is where you learn the most about yourself

3. Exploring (This Is the Fun Part)

The Exciting Truth: Your time is truly yours to do whatever you want with it.

Living on your own gives you unprecedented freedom to:

Try new restaurants on random Tuesday nights
Go on spontaneous adventures
Explore your city or neighborhood thoroughly
Date without having to explain where you're going
Attend events, shows, or activities whenever you want

Making the Most of Exploration:

Create a monthly list of 5-10 things you want to try
Start by exploring your immediate neighborhood first
Use social media to find local events and hidden gems
Don't be afraid to do things alone—it's actually quite liberating

4. Meeting New People (Easier Than You Think)

The Social Truth: You'll need to be more intentional about meeting people than you were in college.

Best Places to Start:

Coworkers: Ask them for coffee or drinks after work. It's not weird to get someone's number for friendship.
Activity groups: Join running clubs, bowling leagues, or hobby groups
Neighbors: Be friendly with people in your building or on your street
Apps: Don't just use dating apps—try friend-finding apps too

The Coworker Strategy: Some of my closest friends now are people I met at work. Start conversations with people around your age, suggest group activities, and be the person who organizes happy hours.

5. Getting to Know Yourself (The Most Important Part)

The Personal Truth: You'll spend more time alone than you ever have before—and that's where the magic happens.

This might feel scary at first, especially if you're used to being constantly surrounded by people in college. But this solo time is where you'll:

Discover what you actually enjoy doing
Learn how you prefer to spend your free time
Figure out your own rhythms and preferences
Develop independence and self-reliance

The Financial Reality Nobody Mentions

Living on your own is expensive in ways you don't expect. It's not just rent and groceries—it's:

Cleaning supplies that need constant replacement
Household items that break and need fixing
The cost of convenience (ordering takeout because you don't have energy to cook)
Emergency expenses (repairs, replacements, unexpected issues)

Budget for these "invisible" costs—they add up faster than you think.

What to Expect: The Ups and Downs

You'll Have Days When:

You feel like you're failing at basic adulting
You miss the convenience of living at home
Everything feels overwhelming and you question your choices
You're proud of accomplishing simple tasks (like successfully cooking dinner)
You feel incredibly independent and capable
You appreciate the complete freedom you now have

All of these feelings are normal and part of the process.

Practical Tips for Your First Month

Week 1: Get the Basics

Set up all utilities and services
Buy essential cleaning supplies
Find the nearest grocery store, pharmacy, and laundromat
Get copies of important documents
Meet your neighbors

Week 2: Establish Routines

Figure out your grocery shopping schedule
Establish cleaning routines
Find local restaurants and takeout options
Start exploring your immediate area

Week 3: Branch Out

Try one new restaurant or activity
Invite a coworker for coffee or drinks
Join a local group or activity
Start thinking about longer-term goals for your space

Week 4: Reflect and Adjust

What's working well in your routines?
What feels challenging or overwhelming?
What do you want to try next month?
Celebrate what you've accomplished

The Things That Will Challenge You Most

Loneliness: You'll spend more time alone than ever before
Decision fatigue: Every choice is now yours to make
Responsibility overload: Everything falls on your shoulders
Time management: Freedom can feel paralyzing
Financial pressure: Everything costs more than expected

The Things That Will Surprise You Most

How much you'll enjoy your own company
How capable you actually are
How quickly you'll develop new routines
How much you'll appreciate small accomplishments
How fulfilling independence feels

Red Flags: When Living Alone Becomes Problematic

While adjusting to independent living takes time, watch out for these warning signs:

Avoiding all social interaction for weeks
Neglecting basic hygiene or living conditions
Excessive anxiety about basic tasks
Inability to maintain any routines
Persistent feelings of depression or isolation

If you're experiencing these, consider reaching out to friends, family, or a mental health professional.

Making It Work: Your Action Plan

Before You Move:

Research the area thoroughly
Budget for unexpected expenses
Make lists of essential items you'll need
Set up utilities and services in advance

Your First Month:

Focus on basic needs and routines
Be patient with yourself
Stay connected with friends and family
Try one new thing each week

Long-term Success:

Build and maintain social connections
Develop routines that work for you
Continue exploring and trying new things
Remember that everyone's figuring it out as they go

The Bottom Line

Living on your own for the first time is simultaneously one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences you'll have in your twenties. You'll mess up, you'll figure things out, you'll feel lost sometimes, and you'll feel incredibly accomplished other times.

The secret that nobody tells you? Nobody has it all figured out. Even people who've been living independently for years are still learning and adapting. Your friend who seems to have their life together? They probably ran out of toilet paper last week and ate cereal for dinner three nights in a row.

The goal isn't to become a perfect adult overnight. The goal is to gradually figure out what works for you, build confidence in your independence, and enjoy this unique time in your life when you truly get to discover who you are.

Remember This

You're in your twenties. This is supposed to be messy, uncertain, and full of learning experiences. Embrace the chaos, celebrate the small wins, and remember that everyone else is figuring it out too.

Living on your own is scary, exciting, overwhelming, and liberating all at once. And that's exactly how it should be.

Are you about to make the leap to living independently? Remember that this transition takes time, and it's okay to not have everything figured out immediately. Focus on the basics, be patient with yourself, and enjoy the journey of becoming the adult you're meant to be.

What to Expect Next

Check back for more real talk about navigating your twenties, from career struggles to relationship advice. Because let's be honest—we're all just figuring it out as we go, and that's perfectly okay.

Say hi: josh@guyset.com

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See you guys next Tuesday.