#63 - Therapy with Gabe Finnell
Aug 13, 2024
Therapy is such a stigmatized topic for guys which is why it’s the perfect one for Guyset. Mental health and anxiety are topics that really should be talked about for guys in their 20s so my friend Gabe is here to share his recent experience with anxiety and his decision to start going to therapy. He shares when he knew it was time to try therapy, how he found a therapist, and how the journey is currently going for him. Gabe tells us what he's learned so far about dealing with his anxiety, advice for anyone struggling with mental health, and so much more.
I feel so grateful to have this episode as a part of Guyset. Thank you for doing this Gabe, you’re going to really help someone.
Breaking the Silence: Two Guys' Honest Conversation About Anxiety and Therapy
Why men need to start talking about mental health - and how therapy actually helped one guy get his life back.
The Conversation Guys Don't Usually Have
After releasing an episode about my anxiety attack, my friend Gabe texted me. He'd been going through his own mental health journey - one that included therapy, panic attacks, and learning to manage anxiety in ways I'd never heard a guy talk about openly.
What followed was a 45-minute conversation that I'm not sure many guys have with their friends. We talked about anxiety as a spectrum, how differently people experience it, and most importantly, how guys just don't talk about this stuff.
That conversation led to Gabe coming on the podcast to share his story. His hope? That if one guy could benefit from hearing about his experience with therapy and anxiety management, it would be worth it.
When Anxiety Becomes Unmanageable: Gabe's Story
The Build-Up: For years, Gabe experienced what he thought was normal stress - chest tightness that lasted 5-10 minutes. His response was typical: "shut the fuck up" or "get over it," and it would pass.
The Breaking Point: After major life changes (moving to a new city, relationship ending, lack of established friend group), everything came to a head. He woke up one morning with:
Chest extremely tight
Heart beating out of his chest
Extreme fidgeting, couldn't sit still
Persistent symptoms that wouldn't go away
The ER Visit: Thinking he was having a heart attack, Gabe went to the emergency room. All tests came back normal. The doctors suggested it was anxiety-related, but he knew something deeper was wrong when symptoms persisted and worsened.
The Decision to Seek Professional Help
Why Therapy Felt Scary: Gabe admits the idea of seeking help was terrifying due to mental health stigma. But when symptoms escalated to daily panic attacks at work and nothing else was helping, he realized professional support was necessary.
Finding the Right Fit: Through a recommendation, Gabe discovered Brightside, an online therapy platform. Key features that helped:
Easy insurance coverage
Ability to switch therapists (which he did after 2-3 weeks with the first one)
Built-in progress tracking with baseline anxiety/depression scores
Regular check-ins with both therapist and psychiatrist
What Therapy Actually Looks Like
The First Session: Not college icebreakers, but a genuine conversation about what you're experiencing and your goals. Think of it as "speed dating with a therapist" - they determine if they can help you effectively.
Finding the Right Therapist: Gabe switched therapists early on because connection matters. "If you can't connect or relate to them, you're just blowing smoke up each other's mouths."
The Process: Therapy involves starting with a clean slate, believing you can heal, and committing to the process. As Gabe puts it, it's like "building up a Lego set - a couple pieces fall off, you figure out how to put them back together differently."
Practical Anxiety Management Tools That Actually Work
1. Compartmentalization
Learning to separate different parts of your brain for different situations:
Work brain vs. home brain vs. social brain
Saving anxious thoughts for appropriate times when you can properly address them
Not letting anxiety compromise other areas of life
2. Physical Strategies
Exercise: Particularly helpful for confidence-related anxiety
Provides endorphins and "runner's high"
Can sometimes trigger anxious thoughts, so awareness is key
Breathing Techniques:
Intentional deep breathing when heart rate spikes
Counting steps between breaths to maintain consistency
Holding breath for a few seconds before exhaling
3. Reframing Anxiety
From catastrophic to manageable: Learning that small setbacks won't "crush you" or "ruin your life" Accepting discomfort: Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable External perspective: Looking at yourself and your reactions objectively
Addressing the Medication Stigma
Gabe shares a profound reframing of medication:
"It's not like you're so broken that you need this magical pill to fix you. You have lost parts of yourself external to your own control. Medication is a way to retrieve those parts of yourself and be able to live your life normally again."
While he hasn't needed medication yet, he's rationalized that it's simply another tool to get back to being yourself - no different from any other medical treatment.
How Friends Can Actually Help
What TO Do:
Check in regularly without being invasive
Reach out if you haven't talked in a while
Make yourself available
Let people know you're there for them
Don't assume someone is okay just because they seem put-together
What NOT To Do:
Don't directly ask "Are you anxious?" or "Are you depressed?"
Don't assume you understand their experience
Don't make them feel like a burden
The Bigger Picture: Why This Matters
Post-College Reality: There's significantly more alone time as an adult, which can trigger or worsen anxiety The Comparison Trap: Everyone seems more put-together than they actually are Breaking the Silence: Guys rarely discuss mental health, leaving many feeling isolated in their struggles
Key Takeaways for Men Dealing with Anxiety
You're not broken or alone - anxiety affects millions of people regardless of gender
Seeking help is strength, not weakness - therapy provides actual tools and strategies
It's okay to not be the "strong, put-together" person - vulnerability with trusted friends helps
Treatment (including medication) is about getting back to yourself - not fixing something fundamentally wrong with you
Find the right professional fit - chemistry with your therapist matters significantly
Moving Forward
Gabe's journey is ongoing - he's been in therapy for two months and continues to learn and grow. His experience shows that while anxiety may not disappear completely, it can become manageable with the right tools and support.
The most important message: If you're dealing with anxiety and don't know what to do, you're resilient for wanting to put yourself back together. Don't convince yourself you'd be a burden to friends or family. Lean on your support system, and when that's not enough, professional resources are available.
Resources
Brightside: Online therapy platform with insurance coverage
Consider reaching out to friends who might be going through similar experiences
Remember that finding the right therapist may take time - don't give up after one attempt
Struggling with anxiety or thinking about therapy? You're not alone in this journey. Share your experiences or reach out for support at josh@guyset.com. Sometimes the first step is just knowing others have walked this path too.
For more honest conversations about mental health and the challenges guys face in their 20s, follow @theguyset and check out guyset.com.
The app Gabe recommends for therapy: Brightside
Send any questions you want me to answer here josh@guyset.com or Instagram
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See you guys next Tuesday.
