Starting a new job is weird because you spend so much time trying to get one that you barely think about what happens once you actually do.

You apply. You interview. You prepare for the interview. You send the thank-you email. You wait. You overthink how the interview went. Then eventually you get the offer, sign everything, show up on your first day and realize: Oh shit. Now I actually have to do the job.

And nobody really tells you how to do that part.

Obviously, somebody will teach you the actual responsibilities of your job. You’ll get onboarded. You’ll learn whatever software everyone uses. Someone will send you a document with 47 links in it and tell you that everything you need is “in there somewhere.”

But there’s another part of starting a job that nobody really teaches you.

How often should you follow up with someone before you become annoying? How do you speak up when you’re the youngest person in the meeting? What do you do when your boss gives you feedback you don’t agree with? How do you make sure people actually know what you’re doing? Are you allowed to say no when someone gives you more work?

These are the things you mostly learn by doing them wrong first.

I wish someone had sat me down earlier in my career and explained some of this to me, so that’s what I’m trying to do here.

You Are Not an Imposition. You Have a Job to Do.

This is probably one of the biggest things I’ve had to learn.

When you’re new, especially when you’re young, you can feel like you’re bothering everyone. You need something from someone, but you already followed up yesterday. Your boss looks busy, so you don’t want to ask a question. Someone hasn’t sent you something you need, but you don’t want them to think you’re annoying.

So you wait.

And then suddenly your deadline is tomorrow and you still don’t have what you need.

“You are not an imposition. You have a job to do.”

That’s the part I wish someone had told me.

If your job requires an answer from someone, it is okay to ask for the answer. If you need an update, ask for an update. If you don’t understand something, ask the question.

There is obviously a difference between following up and being obnoxious. You don’t need to Slack someone every 17 minutes. But being afraid to follow up because you don’t want somebody to be annoyed with you can eventually make you worse at your job.

You have to care more about getting the job done than avoiding every potentially uncomfortable interaction.

Stop Trying to Make Everybody at Work Like You

This is connected to the first one.

When you start somewhere new, you naturally want people to like you. I do too. You want your boss to like you, your coworkers to like you, the people on the other teams to like you. You want to walk into the office and feel like everyone is happy you’re there.

But being liked cannot become your job.

There will eventually be a moment where doing your job well means following up with somebody who doesn’t want another follow-up. Or disagreeing with someone in a meeting. Or saying no to something. Or making a decision that someone else wouldn’t have made.

That doesn’t mean you should become an asshole. You should be respectful. You should be kind. You should be someone people enjoy working with.

But there is a difference between being kind and constantly managing everybody else’s feelings.

The goal is not to leave work every day knowing nobody could possibly be annoyed with you. The goal is to leave knowing you did your job well.

And if this is something you struggle with outside of work too, read How to Stop Being a People Pleaser. Learning that you can disappoint someone without doing something wrong is a skill you’ll use everywhere.

Figure Out What Actually Makes You Valuable

Here’s something else nobody really explains when you start working: not everything you do matters equally.

You’ll have 50 things on your to-do list. You’ll answer emails, sit in meetings, update decks, send Slacks and work on projects. But somewhere inside all of that is the reason your job actually exists.

Figure out what that is.

What does your company care about? How does the company make money? What does your team contribute to that? And where does your role fit into it?

The sooner you understand that, the easier it becomes to understand what deserves most of your attention.

This is something I get into more in How to Become More Valuable at Work, because becoming valuable isn’t necessarily about working the longest hours or saying yes to the most things. It’s about understanding what matters and getting really good at contributing to it.

If you can also become the person people associate with something specific, even better.

Maybe you’re great at presenting. Maybe you know the numbers better than anyone. Maybe you’re the person who can fix a certain problem. Maybe everyone knows that when something gets handed to you, it actually gets done.

Become the person people think of for something.

Your Boss Does Not Automatically Know Everything You’re Doing

This one took me time to understand.

I used to think doing good work was enough. If I was working hard and getting things done, surely everyone would know that.

Not necessarily.

Your boss has their own job. They have meetings, deadlines, problems and probably a boss of their own. They are not spending eight hours a day monitoring everything you accomplish.

You have to learn how to communicate your work.

That doesn’t mean sending your boss a daily email titled “Here Are 14 Reasons I’m Amazing.” It means keeping them updated. It means being able to explain what you’re working on, what you’ve accomplished and what impact it had.

Keep a running document of your wins. Put numbers next to things when you can. Bring updates into your one-on-ones instead of waiting until your annual review and trying to remember what you did nine months ago.

Learning to communicate your value is part of doing the job.

Talk to People Outside Your Team

One of the easiest things you can do when you start a new job is also one of the things people overlook the most.

Talk to people.

Ask someone to grab coffee. Ask somebody what their team does. Talk to the person you always see in the kitchen. Reach out to someone whose job sounds interesting and ask if they have 20 minutes.

You are allowed to do this.

In fact, you probably should.

Asking questions can improve learning, idea exchange and rapport, which is part of why curiosity is such a valuable workplace skill, according to Harvard Business Review. Indeed’s New Job Guide also emphasizes introducing yourself and building relationships when you start somewhere new.

You will understand the company faster when you understand the people inside it.

You’ll also stop being “the new guy on that team” and become an actual person people know.

If this part feels awkward, How Do You Meet People at a New Job? goes deeper into how to actually start those conversations.

You Don't Need to Feel Ready

This might be the biggest mental shift.

When you start a new job, there are going to be moments where you feel like you somehow tricked everyone into hiring you.

Everyone else seems to know what they’re doing. They know the acronyms. They know who to ask. They know which meeting matters and which meeting everyone secretly ignores.

Meanwhile, you’re wondering whether you should raise your hand on Zoom.

That feeling doesn’t mean you’re bad at your job. You’re new at your job.

“You don't need to be ready, you just need to be willing.”

Be willing to ask the question. Be willing to share your opinion. Be willing to say something in the meeting even if you haven’t perfectly rehearsed it in your head.

You are not going to build confidence by waiting until you magically feel confident enough to participate.

Confidence comes after you do the thing.

You speak up once and realize nothing terrible happened. You give your opinion and somebody agrees with you. You take on something you’ve never done before and figure it out.

Then the next time becomes a little easier.

Own Your Mistakes and Move On

You are going to mess something up.

Not because you suck. Because you have a job.

You’re going to send the wrong thing, misunderstand an assignment, miss something in an email, make a bad call or realize halfway through a project that you should have done it differently.

The important part is what happens next.

One of the worst instincts you can develop early in your career is trying to hide every mistake because you desperately want everyone to think you’re good at your job.

Most of the time, the better response is much simpler: that was on me. I’m sorry. Here’s how I’m fixing it. Here’s what I’ll do differently next time.

Then move on.

You cannot expect yourself to know everything when you’re starting somewhere new. But you can expect yourself to take responsibility.

There is a huge difference between making a mistake and becoming someone who cannot be trusted with mistakes.

Learn to Say No Before You Have To

When you’re young and starting out, saying no at work can feel illegal.

Someone asks you to help with something and you say yes. Another person needs something and you say yes. Your boss asks if you can take something on and obviously you say yes.

Then you have 13 things due Thursday and somehow thought you could do all of them.

I’ve done this.

Eventually you learn that saying yes to everything does not make you the best employee. Sometimes it just makes you an overwhelmed employee doing 10 things at 70 percent.

You need to understand your bandwidth.

Sometimes the professional answer really is: I’d love to help with that, but I’m currently working on X and Y. Which should I prioritize?

That isn’t laziness. That’s communication.

And the funny thing is that the first time you actually say no to something, you realize the world keeps spinning. Nobody throws a laptop at you. They usually just say okay and figure something else out.

Feedback Is Information, Not Your Identity

Feedback is hard.

Especially when you care about what you’re doing.

Your boss tells you something could have been better and your immediate instinct might be to explain why you did it that way. Or defend yourself. Or sit there thinking about the comment for the next six hours.

I understand that instinct.

But this is one of the most important things to learn early:

“Feedback is information, not a shot at your ego or a measure of your worth.”

Your work can need improvement without that meaning you are a failure.

Listen to the feedback. Ask questions if you don’t understand it. Figure out what is useful. Then use it.

That doesn’t mean every piece of feedback you receive for the rest of your life is automatically correct. Part of getting better at work is learning whose feedback matters and how much weight to give it.

But getting defensive every time somebody tells you something you don’t want to hear makes it incredibly difficult to improve.

Harvard Business Review’s guide to handling negative feedback similarly recommends listening carefully rather than immediately becoming defensive. Its discussion on How to Give and Receive Critical Feedback also gets into how feedback can be used to help someone improve rather than turning into an adversarial exchange.

Take what helps you get better. Leave your ego out of it as much as you can.

And Here's The Thing

Nobody really knows how to start a new job until they start one.

You can read every career article in the world, prepare for your first day and walk into the office with the perfect notebook and outfit. There is still going to be a period where you feel like you have absolutely no idea what is happening.

That’s okay.

The goal isn't to immediately know everything. It's to become someone who learns.

Ask questions. Follow up. Talk to people. Figure out what matters. Let your boss know what you're doing. Say no when you need to. Own the mistakes you inevitably make. Listen when someone gives you useful feedback.

And stop waiting until you feel completely ready to act like you belong there.

They hired you.

Now give yourself enough time to become good at the job they hired you to do.

If you're still figuring out the bigger picture of your career, Early Career Questions, Answered is a good place to go next. Your first few years of work aren't about having your entire career figured out. They're about getting enough experience to start figuring out what you’re good at, what you care about and where you want to go next.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal to feel lost when starting a new job?

Yes. You're learning new people, systems, expectations and responsibilities at the same time. Give yourself time to understand how everything works.

How long does it take to feel comfortable at a new job?

There isn't one timeline. Focus less on when you should feel comfortable and more on whether you're learning and getting better each week.

How do I make a good impression at a new job?

Be curious, reliable and easy to work with. Ask good questions, follow through on what you say you'll do and communicate when something changes.

Is it okay to make mistakes at a new job?

Yes. What matters is taking responsibility, fixing what you can and learning from the mistake instead of hiding it or obsessing over it.

How can I stand out early in my career?

Understand what matters to your team, become great at something useful, build relationships and become someone people can trust to follow through.