The Messy Middle Nobody Talks About

There is a part of life that almost nobody shows.

You never see it on Instagram.
You never see it on LinkedIn.
You rarely hear people talk about it unless you catch them in an honest moment.

It is the part where nothing looks good yet.

You are not good at the thing.
You do not feel confident doing it.
You do not know if it will even be worth it.

That is the messy middle.

And it is where most people quit before anything meaningful can actually happen.

“I think the easiest way to start answering this question lies within experimentation, in trying new things, in allowing yourself to kind of make a fool of yourself.”

That sentence sounds simple until you actually sit with it.

Because the messy middle asks you to do something most of us actively avoid.
It asks you to be seen trying.

By other people, yes.
But more importantly, by yourself.

Why Being a Beginner Feels So Bad

We like competence.
We like control.
We like knowing what we are doing.

So when we put ourselves in situations where we do not have those things, something inside us panics.

“We don’t like to try new things because we’re not good at them and it sucks to not be good at things.”

That discomfort is not laziness.
It is not lack of discipline.
It is ego protection.

Psychologists describe this as identity threat. Research summarized by the American Psychological Association shows that beginners often experience anxiety not because they are failing, but because learning temporarily disrupts how they see themselves.

Being a beginner threatens the version of you that feels capable and put together. The version that does not want to look lost.

And it is not just internal.

“You don’t want other people to see you not succeeding or to see you failing in a way or see you look like a fool or kind of look like an idiot and not know what you’re doing.”

So instead of starting, we delay.

We research.
We think.
We plan.

This is the same avoidance loop I unpack in How to Stop Overthinking Everything, where thinking becomes a substitute for action instead of a support for it.

But ready never actually comes.

Why Everyone Else Looks Like They Skipped This Part

One of the biggest lies social media teaches us is that progress is clean.

You see the promotion announcement.
You see the finished product.
You see the highlight reel.

What you do not see are the quiet moments.

“They never show the quiet moments where they’re sitting on their laptop early in the morning before work or late at night after work thinking, what am I going to do next?”

You do not see the applications that went nowhere.
The interviews that felt awful.
The hobbies that were tried and abandoned.
The early attempts that looked nothing like the final result.

You end up comparing your beginning to someone else’s ending and wondering why you feel behind.

If that comparison spiral sounds familiar, 7 Lessons on Figuring Out Your Career When You Feel Lost in Your 20s goes deeper into how distorted that lens really is.

The Messy Middle Is Where Interest Is Actually Built

This is where the shift happens.

The messy middle is not a flaw in the process.
It is the process.

“That same kind of mindset applies to finding new interests, exploring new passions, finding new hobbies.”

When you are in the messy middle, you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

What excites you.
What drains you.
What you are willing to struggle through.
What you are not.

This is why trying new things feels uncomfortable. It forces you to confront yourself without validation or results.

And that is exactly why it works.

You do not become interesting by being impressive.
You become interesting by being engaged.

Why Most People Quit Too Early

One of the biggest mistakes people make is assuming early discomfort means something is not for them.

They try once.
They try twice.
They feel awkward.
They stop.

“One time is not enough. Two times is not enough.”

Interest rarely shows up as excitement first. Sometimes it shows up as curiosity buried under frustration.

“If there is even a small spark of joy somewhere in there, you give it another chance.”

Quitting early steals clarity from you.

This is the same reason career uncertainty feels so heavy when you do not experiment. Why Do I Feel Lost in My Career exists because motion creates answers faster than thinking ever will.

Starting in Pencil Instead of Sharpie

One of my favorite ideas from this episode comes from Will Shortz, the longtime editor of the New York Times Crossword.

“Don’t be afraid to erase an answer that isn’t working out.”

That line is permission.

You are allowed to try something and stop.
You are allowed to change your mind.
You are allowed to move on without calling it failure.

“This isn’t the time to prioritize or pick one or two things that are going to become your thing.”

This is the time to explore.

When nothing feels permanent, curiosity has space to breathe.

Why the Messy Middle Builds Real Confidence

The messy middle is not just about hobbies.

It is about self trust.

“You actually get more confident in your own abilities by exploring your abilities.”

Every time you show up for something new, you prove something to yourself.

Not that you are good.
But that you are capable.

Capable of trying.
Capable of learning.
Capable of sitting with discomfort without running from it.

That is the same confidence principle behind How to Build Confidence When You Feel Behind in Life, where confidence grows through repetition, not belief.

Why Trying Is More Impressive Than Having It Figured Out

People are drawn to motion.

Not perfection.
Not certainty.
Movement.

“You only strike out when you say you want to do something and never actually do it.”

Talking about potential is easy.
Living in process is harder.

And people can feel that difference immediately.

On dates.
In interviews.
In friendships.

The Real Reason This Matters

The messy middle does not just make you more interesting to other people.

It makes you more interesting to yourself.

“There is no failure in experimentation. It’s just picking up a new thing and putting down something else.”

Once you stop fearing the messy middle, you stop fearing growth.

And that is when life starts to feel bigger again.

The Question to Leave With

What is the thing you have been avoiding because you do not want to be bad at it?

That discomfort is not a warning sign.
It is an invitation.

The messy middle is where your next version starts.

You just have to stay in it long enough to see what happens.

FAQ: The Messy Middle Nobody Talks About

Why does trying new things feel so uncomfortable?
Because being a beginner threatens your sense of competence. You are stepping into uncertainty without proof you will be good at it yet.

Is it normal to feel embarrassed when starting something new?
Yes. Feeling awkward is part of learning. It usually means you are doing something that matters to you.

How long should I stick with something before quitting?
Longer than one or two attempts. You need enough time to move past the initial discomfort and see if curiosity or enjoyment shows up.

What if I try something and realize it is not for me?
That is not failure. That is information. You learned something about yourself and can move on without regret.

How do I stop caring about being seen failing?
You do not eliminate that fear. You build tolerance for it by showing up anyway and realizing nothing bad actually happens.