How to Build Confidence When You Feel Behind in Life
Feeling behind in your twenties can crush your confidence. This guide shows you how to rebuild belief in yourself using practical steps, mindset shifts, and real lessons from Episode 121.
By
Josh Felgoise
Dec 16, 2025
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There is a version of being behind that hurts deeper than people admit. It is not just comparing yourself to your friends. It is watching people your age take the jobs you wanted, live the lives you pictured, date the people you were afraid to talk to, and somehow move faster while you feel stuck in slow motion.
Men don’t talk about this enough.
We act like feeling behind is something you should just push through silently.
So let me make this simple.
You build confidence by collecting small wins, narrowing your focus, and proving to yourself that progress is still possible, even when the timeline looks different than you expected.
Confidence is not a feeling you wait for.
It is a skill you build through action.
A big reason this feeling spirals is overthinking, which I break down more fully in How To Stop Overthinking Everything. Feeling behind usually gets louder when your mind starts running unchecked.
I learned this clearly in Episode 121 when I talked with pro tennis player Zach Svajda, who had to build belief in himself in one of the most pressure-filled environments imaginable. What he said about confidence finally made everything click.
Confidence Starts With What You Do, Not How You Feel
When you feel behind, confidence feels impossible. You tell yourself you’ll believe in yourself after you catch up. After you get the job. After you meet someone. After something external shifts.
But confidence does not work like that.
It starts with what you repeatedly show yourself you can do.
Zach learned this facing Novak Djokovic on Arthur Ashe. On paper, everything about that moment said he should feel outmatched. But what changed his belief was not the crowd or the stadium. It was what he proved to himself in real time.
Here’s the key line:
“Anything can happen. If I play well, I feel like I could beat whoever on any given day.”
That belief did not come from hype.
It came from evidence.
Psychologists back this up. Research by Psychology Today shows that confidence grows primarily through mastery experiences, not positive thinking or visualization alone. You believe yourself after you act, not before.
You cannot think your way into belief.
You have to act your way into it.
When You Feel Behind, You Need Smaller Wins
Most guys try to rebuild confidence by swinging for big milestones. But when you already feel behind, big goals make the gap feel even wider.
Confidence grows fastest when the wins are small.
You do not need to change your life in one move.
You need one proof point that you can move forward at all.
Zach reminded me of this when he talked about routines around big matches.
“I didn’t try to do too much different. Same routine, dinner, spending time with my friends.”
He didn’t worry about winning the whole match.
He worried about the next point.
Your version might look like:
Going to the gym even if it’s just 20 minutes
Sending one job application
Replying to one text you’ve been avoiding
Taking one focused hour
Doing one thing that moves you forward today
This same principle shows up in Why Consistency Feels So Hard Even When You Care. When you shrink the goal, momentum becomes possible again.
If comparison keeps making you feel further behind, How Do I Stop Comparing Myself to Everyone Else explains why your brain keeps defaulting to this trap.
Confidence Needs Repetition, Not Momentum
Confidence is not a breakthrough moment.
It is repetition.
The more times you show up, the less intimidating the experience becomes. Familiarity replaces fear.
Zach’s preparation routine before playing Novak was not about superstition. It was repetition.
“I woke up around six or six thirty. I got breakfast with my coach, went to the site, practiced, ate again, warmed up in the gym, and then went on.”
Confidence grows through:
Reps
Rhythm
Routine
Showing up even when you don’t feel ready
This aligns with research from the American Psychological Association, which shows that repeated exposure to challenging situations reduces anxiety and builds self-trust over time.
You don’t build confidence by imagining your best self.
You build it by repeatedly being the person you want to trust.
Stop Waiting To Feel Ready
This is where most guys get stuck.
You wait until you feel confident.
You wait until you feel prepared.
You wait until you feel caught up.
But the version of you who feels behind will never wake up suddenly ready.
You become ready by stepping forward while you still feel unsure.
Zach described this perfectly during pressure points:
“I say short things like forget about it, move on to the next point, keep swinging out.”
Confidence comes from motion, not certainty.
This is true in dating too. If hesitation there is holding you back, How Do I Know If She Likes Me breaks down how confidence shows up through action, not guessing.
When You Feel Behind, Perspective Matters More Than Progress
Feeling behind is often a story, not a fact.
You don’t see the years people trained when no one was watching. You don’t see the doubt, the missed opportunities, the quiet setbacks. You only see the arrival.
Zach reframed this for me with one line that stuck:
“There are so many more important things in your life.”
Confidence grows when you zoom out.
Your timeline is not supposed to match anyone else’s.
Your path is allowed to look different.
Your pace is allowed to shift.
You are not behind.
You are becoming.
The Moment Confidence Finally Clicks
Confidence does not show up at the beginning.
It shows up after you survive the parts you thought would break you.
Zach’s belief didn’t come from winning.
It came from staying in the match.
That is where your confidence will come from too.
When you keep moving forward while feeling behind, you give yourself evidence that you can handle discomfort. And that is what real confidence is built on.
FAQ: How Do I Build Confidence When I Feel Behind?
Why do I feel behind compared to everyone else?
Because you are comparing your internal reality to someone else’s public highlights. Everyone’s pace looks different up close.
How do I rebuild confidence if I feel stuck?
Start small. Build repeatable wins. Consistency matters more than scale.
What if I don’t feel ready to move forward?
That’s normal. Confidence grows after action, not before it.
How do I stop negative self-talk when I feel behind?
Use short cues. Redirect your focus instead of debating your thoughts.
Does confidence come from success?
No. It comes from evidence. Reps. Survival. Small wins stacked over time.










