There’s a very specific pressure that hits in your 20s.

It’s not loud. It doesn’t announce itself. It just hums in the background of everything you do.

You feel like you should be further along. More certain. More accomplished. More stable. You scroll, you compare, you mentally measure yourself against people who look like they have direction, and you quietly ask yourself why you don’t feel that same clarity.

When I sat down with Robert Dugoni, the conversation drifted away from writing almost immediately. It moved toward something much bigger: the weight of expectation.

At one point, almost casually, he said something that cut straight through that pressure:

“You don't have to have this all figured out right now.”

That sentence sounds simple. It’s not. It’s disruptive when you’re 25 and anxious. It’s relieving when you’re 28 and comparing. It’s grounding when you’re 30 and quietly wondering if you chose wrong.

If you’ve ever felt behind in your career, your relationships, or your confidence, this conversation lives right alongside What to Do When You Feel Overwhelmed at Work. It’s the same underlying tension: feeling like everyone else has clarity while you’re still building it.

The Catastrophes We Invent in Our 20s

When you’re younger, everything feels permanent.

A bad interview feels defining.
A stalled career move feels irreversible.
A missed opportunity feels like proof you’re behind.

But perspective changes that.

“You know, everything was a potential catastrophe, right? It's really not.”

That shift is backed by psychology, too. Research from the American Psychological Association consistently shows that we overestimate how long negative events will affect our happiness. We think setbacks will linger. Most don’t.

The truth is, you don’t lack direction. You lack distance. You haven’t lived long enough yet to see how many things actually work themselves out.

Anxiety Is Not an Identity

The conversation turned toward anxiety in a way that felt honest and practical.

Instead of treating anxiety like a flaw, he reframed it.

“it's important to not say I have anxiety, but to say I'm anxious about getting to the airport on time.”

That distinction changes everything.

One makes it who you are.
The other makes it something you’re experiencing.

“We label ourselves instead of labeling the situation.”

“It's not about having anxiety, it's about being anxious.”

Being anxious means you care. It means the outcome matters. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. It doesn’t mean you’re broken.

This aligns with the broader mental health shift organizations like National Institute of Mental Health have emphasized for years: anxiety is a common human response, and understanding it contextually reduces shame.

For a lot of guys, that’s permission they’ve never been given.

The Veneer Men Carry

There’s something most guys recognize but rarely say.

“At some level, there's always a veneer.”

You have it with your friends. With coworkers. Sometimes even with your family. A layer of control. A version of yourself that looks certain.

The veneer isn’t malicious. It’s protective. But it isolates you.

When everyone looks confident, you assume you’re the only one doubting. When everyone looks calm, you assume you’re the only one overthinking.

That’s why conversations like this matter. They sit in the same category as How to Build Confidence to Talk to Girls or How to Stop Overthinking in Dating. Different topics. Same core fear.

Am I the only one who feels this way?

You’re not.

Success Isn’t What You Think It Is

In your early 20s, success feels measurable.

Salary. Title. Recognition. Proof.

At your five-year high school reunion, nobody asks how fulfilled you are. They ask how much you make.

But that metric shifts.

“Finding success is not about how much money you make. It's about how happy you are.”

That sounds cliché until you watch people chase the wrong version of success for too long.

Money can create stability. It can create options. But it doesn’t automatically create meaning. It doesn’t guarantee you enjoy your mornings.

Real success is quieter.

It’s liking your life.
It’s enjoying your routine.
It’s building something that aligns with who you actually are.

Which is why this episode also belongs next to pieces like Is It Normal to Live With Your Parents After College?. Because the timeline everyone assumes is “normal” is often just social pressure.

Doubt Never Fully Goes Away

You would assume that after decades of writing and more than thirty books, the insecurity disappears.

It doesn’t.

“Every time I start a new book.”

Page fifteen. Hundreds of pages left. Uncertainty.

That’s reassuring.

You don’t outgrow doubt. You outgrow the panic around it. You learn that doubt doesn’t mean you’re incapable. It means you’re stretching.

Growth isn’t eliminating insecurity. It’s navigating it better.

The Moment You Stop Trying to Impress

There’s a point in adulthood where something shifts.

You stop chasing everyone’s approval. You stop molding yourself around every expectation. You stop trying to impress people who aren’t even paying attention.

“I like me. I like who I am.”

That’s a powerful place to land.

It doesn’t mean you’re perfect. It means you’re comfortable enough. You don’t need to have every answer to feel secure. You don’t need the full five-year plan to take the next step.

You just need forward motion.

You’re Allowed to Still Be Becoming

The myth that you should have everything figured out by 25 is absurd.

Even by 30.
Even by 35.

Life changes. People change. Priorities shift. Doors open that you never predicted.

“You don't have to figure it all out now. You just really don't.”

You don’t need the master blueprint.
You don’t need perfect clarity.
You don’t need certainty to move forward.

You need momentum.

And right now, that’s more than enough.

FAQ: You Don’t Have to Have It All Figured Out Right Now

Is it normal to feel behind in your 20s?
Yes. Most people are experimenting, pivoting, and recalibrating. Social media exaggerates certainty. Very few people have everything figured out.

How do I stop feeling pressure to have a five-year plan?
Focus on the next right move instead of the full blueprint. Clarity often comes from action, not overthinking.

Is anxiety normal when building a career?
Yes. Being anxious about work, relationships, or money is human. Label the situation, not yourself.

When does confidence actually develop?
Confidence builds through repetition and lived experience. You don’t wake up confident. You earn it slowly by showing up.

What if I chose the wrong path?
Very few decisions are permanent. Most careers and relationships allow for adjustment. Forward motion matters more than perfect direction.