Why Telling the Truth Is Your Best Defense Against Life's Hardest Moments
What a neurosurgeon's approach to delivering difficult news teaches us about handling tough conversations
By
Josh Felgoise
May 30, 2025
"The way to process delivering bad news is to tell the truth because the truth is the truth. It's fact. And you're not at fault for fact."
Dr. Randy D'Amico delivers some of the worst news imaginable. Brain tumors. Terminal diagnoses. Surgical complications. News that changes lives forever.
And his approach is surprisingly simple: tell the truth.
Not because it's easy. Not because it feels good. But because, as he puts it, "You should be thanked for fact realistically."
The Foundation: Truth Protects You
"That protects you. So you tell the truth when you start to sugarcoat things or bullshit people, all of a sudden, now you're treading, you you're on thin ice, because you can quickly become a bad guy."
Think about the difficult conversations you've been avoiding. The feedback you need to give. The relationship that isn't working. The job situation you need to address.
Most of us dance around the truth because we think it will hurt less. But Dr. D'Amico's experience shows the opposite: avoiding the truth makes everything worse.
"Well, you didn't say that. Or you didn't tell me that, or I didn't think it was gonna be this bad."
When you sugarcoat or avoid difficult truths, you create confusion and false expectations. People feel misled. Trust breaks down. The conversation you were trying to avoid becomes much harder.
The Balance: Truth Without Destroying Hope
"But you also never wanna destroy someone's hope."
This is crucial. Telling the truth doesn't mean being brutal or uncaring. It means being honest while still leaving room for the human spirit to process and respond.
"A lot of it is about managing expectations when you talk to people. But truth is the foundation of that. You build everything on the truth."
Dr. D'Amico deals with life-and-death situations, but the principle applies to everyday difficult conversations:
Breaking up with someone
Giving performance feedback at work
Having tough conversations with family
Addressing problems in friendships
The truth gives both people a solid foundation to work from, even when that truth is difficult.
The Method: Listen More Than You Talk
"I do a lot of listening more than anything, you know I deliver something and I you know Just wait and see what people say. What are their questions? You have to make sure you hit the major points and then you just you pause and let let like Let life happen, you know."
Here's what most people get wrong about difficult conversations: they think it's about finding the perfect words to say. But Dr. D'Amico's approach is different:
Deliver the truth clearly
Hit the major points
Then pause and listen
"A lot of times the questions come later because there's a processing time."
You don't need to fill every silence. You don't need to fix their emotional response. You just need to be present while they process what you've told them.
Why We Avoid the Truth
Most of us avoid difficult truths because we're trying to protect people's feelings. But Dr. D'Amico's experience suggests we're often protecting ourselves more than them.
"When you start to sugarcoat things or bullshit people, all of a sudden, now you're treading, you you're on thin ice."
We avoid truth because:
We don't want to be the "bad guy"
We're uncomfortable with other people's emotional responses
We hope the problem will resolve itself
We think partial truth is kinder than full truth
But avoiding truth creates more problems than it solves.
The Ripple Effects of Truth-Telling
When you consistently tell the truth in difficult situations:
People Trust You More
"You should be thanked for fact realistically."
When people know you'll give them accurate information, even when it's hard to hear, they trust your judgment. They come to you for honest perspectives because they know you won't mislead them.
Conversations Become Cleaner
"Truth is the foundation of that. You build everything on the truth."
When everyone is working from the same factual foundation, conversations become more productive. There's less confusion, fewer misunderstandings, and clearer next steps.
You Sleep Better
"You're not at fault for fact."
When you tell the truth, you don't have to keep track of different versions of stories. You don't have to worry about being caught in inconsistencies. Your conscience is clear.
Practical Applications
At Work
Instead of: "This project is going okay, just a few small issues." Try: "We're three weeks behind schedule and over budget. Here's what happened and here's what I think we should do."
In Relationships
Instead of: "Everything's fine, just been busy." Try: "I've been feeling disconnected from you lately. Can we talk about what's been going on?"
With Family
Instead of: "Maybe I'll visit soon." Try: "I won't be able to visit this month because of work commitments, but I'd like to plan something for next month."
With Friends
Instead of: "Sorry I can't make it, something came up." Try: "I'm not coming because I'm exhausted and need a night to recharge."
The Processing Time Factor
"A lot of times the questions come later because there's a processing time."
Don't expect immediate responses to difficult truths. People need time to:
Absorb what you've said
Process their emotions
Figure out what questions they have
Decide how they want to respond
Your job isn't to manage their processing time. It's to be available when they're ready to talk more.
When Truth Feels Impossible
Sometimes the truth feels too harsh, too complicated, or too risky. Dr. D'Amico's framework still applies:
Start with Facts
"The truth is the truth. It's fact."
Separate facts from interpretations, emotions, and judgments. Lead with what's objectively true.
Be Direct but Not Cruel
"You also never wanna destroy someone's hope."
You can be honest without being harsh. The goal is clarity, not punishment.
Stay Available
"I do a lot of listening more than anything."
After delivering difficult truth, make yourself available for questions and follow-up conversations.
Your Truth-Telling Action Plan
Before the Conversation
Get clear on the facts - What exactly needs to be communicated?
Check your motivation - Are you telling the truth to help or to hurt?
Choose the right time and place - When can you have this conversation without distractions?
During the Conversation
Be direct - Don't bury the important information
Stick to facts - Avoid interpretations and judgments when possible
Pause and listen - Give them space to process
Answer questions honestly - Don't backtrack into sugarcoating
After the Conversation
Be patient - Processing takes time
Stay available - Be ready for follow-up questions
Don't take their reaction personally - People react to difficult truth in different ways
Follow through - If you promised action items, deliver on them
The Bottom Line
"Truth is the foundation of that. You build everything on the truth."
Dr. D'Amico delivers news that changes people's lives forever. His approach works because truth, even difficult truth, gives people something solid to stand on.
Your difficult conversations probably aren't life-and-death situations. But the principle is the same: truth creates trust, clarity, and the possibility for real solutions.
The conversations you're avoiding by sugarcoating or staying silent aren't going away. They're getting more complicated and more difficult the longer you wait.
The truth might be hard to deliver and hard to hear. But it's also the only foundation strong enough to build real relationships and solve real problems.
As Dr. D'Amico puts it: "You're not at fault for fact."
The truth is just the truth. What people do with it is up to them. But giving them the truth? That's your job.
And it might be the kindest thing you can do.
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