There’s a version of this conversation that almost never happens.

Not at dinner.
Not at the gym.
Not even between close friends.

But it’s there.

It’s there when you look in the mirror before going out and adjust your shirt one more time.
It’s there when you see someone at the gym who looks exactly how you wish you looked.
It’s there when you open Instagram and, without even thinking, feel like you’re behind.

And then you do what most guys do.

You move on.

Because you don’t really have a way to talk about it.

The Thing Most Guys Feel But Don’t Say

When I sat down with Ryan Winter, the conversation didn’t stay surface-level for long.

It started with fashion. Style. Modeling.

And then it went somewhere way more real.

He said something that stuck immediately:

“Fitness for men can be so… you need to be at 5% body fat or you’re a piece of shit.”

That’s the part no one says out loud.

Because most guys don’t think of it as “body image.”
They think of it as trying to get in shape.

Trying to look better.
Trying to improve.

But underneath that is something else.

A constant awareness of how you look.
And a quiet feeling that it’s not enough.

If you’ve ever felt that in dating, it usually shows up even stronger in moments where you feel like you’re being judged, which is exactly what I break down in How to Build Confidence When You Feel Behind in Life.

Where It Actually Starts

For most guys, this doesn’t start in their 20s.

It starts way earlier.

Ryan talked about being a “chubby preteen kid” and realizing, early on, how much appearance changed the way people treated him.

“I sort of realized, if I want people to treat me well… I can get that validation through presenting myself in certain ways.”

That realization sticks.

Even if your body changes.
Even if your life changes.

You can grow into yourself and still carry the same internal image you had years ago.

That’s why someone can objectively look completely different
and still feel exactly the same.

The Comparison Loop You Don’t Even Notice

The difference now is how constant it is.

You’re not just comparing yourself to people you know.

You’re comparing yourself to people who are:

Curated.
Filtered.
Literally paid to look a certain way.

And you’re seeing it all day.

There’s research from American Psychological Association showing that repeated exposure to idealized images increases dissatisfaction with your own body.

That’s not surprising. It’s exactly what this feels like in real life.

Ryan put it simply:

“You’re not gonna be happy. If you achieve that, you’re not gonna be happier.”

But that doesn’t stop the loop.

Because the loop isn’t logical.

It’s automatic.

And if you’re someone who tends to stay in your head about this, it usually overlaps with the same patterns behind overthinking, which I break down in How Do I Stop Overthinking Before Something Big?

Even the Guys You Think Have It Figured Out

One of the most surprising parts of the conversation was hearing how this plays out inside the modeling world.

From the outside, it looks like the finish line.

But it’s not.

“If you look at someone who’s modeling full-time… they hate their body just as much, or more, as the dude with a gut.”

That’s hard to wrap your head around.

But it makes sense.

Because once your appearance becomes something people notice,
it also becomes something you feel like you have to maintain.

And that pressure doesn’t go away.

It just gets louder.

When It Becomes Something More

At a certain point, this stops being casual.

It becomes something that shapes your behavior.

Ryan talked openly about developing an eating disorder while modeling:

“There was a point where I had bulimia… and I was 25 years old.”

That line matters.

Because it breaks the assumption that this only happens to women.

Or that it only happens in extreme cases.

Or that it couldn’t happen to you.

The reality is, it’s just not talked about.

According to National Eating Disorders Association, millions of men struggle with eating disorders or disordered eating patterns.

It’s just underreported and under-discussed.

Which makes it feel like it’s not happening.

Even when it is.

Why No One Talks About It

Part of it is that it doesn’t feel like a “real problem.”

Compared to everything else, it feels small.

So you push it down.

Part of it is that there’s no model for the conversation.

You don’t see guys talking about this in a real way.
So it feels like something you’re not supposed to say.

And part of it is that it feels vulnerable.

Saying “I don’t feel good about how I look”
is harder than it should be.

So instead, it stays internal.

Ryan described how that internal pressure builds:

“You get into this headspace where… my literal survival is dependent on me keeping my body fat percentage low.”

Even if that’s not literally true,
it can feel like it is.

The Shift That Actually Helps

The goal isn’t to stop caring how you look.

You’re not going to.

No one does.

The shift is in why.

Ryan explained it simply:

“Work out to be healthy… the rest is too much for like 99% of people.”

That’s the line.

Because when everything is about looking better than someone else,
you’ll never feel settled.

There will always be someone ahead.

But when it becomes about:

Feeling better
Having more energy
Being consistent

It changes the relationship.

Research from Harvard Medical School shows that exercise improves mood, energy, and long-term mental health.

That’s the part that actually lasts.

Not the comparison.

What This Really Comes Down To

You don’t need to have this fully figured out.

Most people don’t.

But you also don’t have to pretend it’s not there.

Because once you acknowledge it,
it gets easier to deal with.

Ryan said it best:

“We’re all going to fall short of being the person we want to be. That doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.”

That’s the part most guys never hear.

And probably the part they need to hear most.

FAQs

Do most guys struggle with body image?
Yes. It’s far more common than people think, but it’s rarely talked about openly, which makes it feel isolating.

Why don’t men talk about body image issues?
It doesn’t feel like a “serious” issue compared to other problems, and there aren’t many examples of guys having that conversation publicly.

Can working out fix body image issues?
It can help physically and mentally, but it doesn’t automatically change how you see yourself. That part requires a shift in mindset.

Do men have eating disorders too?
Yes. Millions of men struggle with disordered eating, but it’s often underreported and overlooked.

How do you stop comparing yourself to other guys?
You don’t completely stop, but you become more aware of it and shift your focus back to your own habits, energy, and consistency.