Talk to almost anyone who's been dating recently, and you'll probably hear the same thing.

Dating feels confusing.

Not because people have forgotten how to fall in love.

Not because relationships have become impossible.

Because somewhere along the way, the path between meeting someone and building a relationship became much less clear.

There are more ways to meet people than at any other point in history. You can meet someone through a dating app, on Instagram, through mutual friends, at work, at the gym, or almost anywhere else. We have more opportunities to connect than previous generations could have imagined.

At the same time, we also have more uncertainty.

What used to be called "dating" has turned into a long list of different stages. You're talking. You're hanging out. You're seeing each other. You're in a situationship. You're exclusive. You're basically together. You're officially together.

Every stage has a different label, but nobody seems to agree on exactly what any of them mean.

I don't think that's because people today don't want relationships.

I think it's because the path to getting into one has become much less defined.

We Have More Options Than Ever Before

Technology has completely changed the way relationships begin.

A generation ago, most people met through school, work, friends, or their local community. Your dating pool was naturally limited by the people you happened to meet in everyday life. Today, your phone can introduce you to hundreds or even thousands of potential matches within a few miles of where you live.

That's an incredible opportunity.

Dating apps have helped millions of people meet partners they never would have crossed paths with otherwise. They've expanded who we can meet and made dating far more accessible for people with different lifestyles, schedules, and interests.

But every advantage creates a new challenge.

When there always seems to be another profile waiting behind the next swipe, it's easy to start believing there's always someone better just around the corner. Instead of fully investing in the relationship that's developing in front of us, we sometimes keep one eye on every other possibility.

Psychologists often refer to this as the "paradox of choice." Research discussed by Harvard Business Review suggests that when people are presented with an overwhelming number of options, making a decision can actually become more difficult. While relationships are obviously much more meaningful than shopping for a product, the same psychological principle can show up in dating.

When it feels like there are endless possibilities, committing to one person can sometimes feel harder than it actually should.

Research from the Pew Research Center has also found that online dating has fundamentally changed how people meet romantic partners. While it's created more opportunities to connect, it's also introduced new questions about expectations, exclusivity, and commitment that previous generations didn't have to navigate in quite the same way.

I don't think dating apps created confusion.

I think they magnified it.

Nobody Taught Us the New Rules

One of the biggest differences between dating today and dating twenty or thirty years ago is that there isn't a shared understanding of what each stage means anymore.

Ask ten people when exclusivity should happen.

You'll probably get ten different answers.

Ask when it's appropriate to have the "what are we?" conversation.

Different answers again.

Ask whether it's okay to date multiple people at once.

You'll probably start a debate.

The problem isn't that people disagree.

The problem is that everyone quietly assumes their version is the normal one.

That's where misunderstandings begin.

One person thinks exclusivity happens naturally once you've been seeing each other for a while.

Someone else believes exclusivity only begins after you've had a direct conversation.

One person thinks texting every day means you're basically together.

The other still believes you're casually dating because nobody has ever said otherwise.

One of the things I said during the podcast series was:

"One person thinks it's casual. One person thinks it's serious. One person is seeing lots of other people at the same time. One person is seeing nobody else."

I think that quote explains modern dating better than almost anything else.

The confusion usually isn't about attraction.

It isn't about compatibility.

It's about expectations that were never communicated because both people assumed they were already on the same page.

That's one of the biggest reasons I wrote So, What Are We? A Guide to Situationships, Exclusivity, and Relationships. Once you understand what each stage is supposed to accomplish, it becomes much easier to recognize where you are, why the relationship feels the way it does, and what conversation should happen next.

It's also why When Should You Become Exclusive? matters so much. Those labels aren't just different words for the same thing. They represent different levels of commitment and different expectations, and confusion usually begins when two people are using the same label to describe two completely different relationships.

Research from The Gottman Institute has consistently shown that healthy relationships are built on trust, communication, and shared understanding. In other words, clarity doesn't make a relationship less exciting or less romantic. It creates the foundation that allows it to grow.

We Spend More Time Guessing Than Talking

One thing I've noticed is that people spend an incredible amount of energy trying to figure out what someone else is thinking.

We analyze text messages.

We replay conversations.

We ask our friends what they think.

We search Google.

We scroll through TikTok looking for someone who can explain why they haven't texted back yet.

Sometimes we do everything except ask the one person who actually has the answer.

I understand why.

Those conversations feel vulnerable.

They're uncomfortable.

There's always the possibility that the other person won't feel the same way.

But avoiding the conversation doesn't remove the uncertainty.

It usually extends it.

Weeks of guessing rarely provide the same clarity as five minutes of honest communication.

That's why I think one of the most valuable dating skills today isn't learning how to read mixed signals.

It's learning how to communicate before the uncertainty becomes the relationship itself.

If you've reached the point where you're wondering where things stand, How Do You Know If You're Ready for a Relationship? (And 4 Other Questions Guys Are Asking) walks through how to bring it up naturally, honestly, and without making it feel like an ultimatum.

Social Media Makes Dating Look Simpler Than It Really Is

I also think social media has changed the way we think relationships are supposed to look.

Open Instagram or TikTok for five minutes and you'll see engagement videos, anniversary posts, "how we met" stories, and couples who seem completely certain about each other. It's easy to watch those moments and assume healthy relationships are supposed to unfold that way from the very beginning.

What you don't see are the conversations that happened before the photo was taken.

You don't see the uncertainty after the first few dates.

You don't see someone wondering whether to send another text.

You don't see the exclusivity conversation, the "what are we?" conversation, or the awkward moments where two people are trying to figure out whether they're building the same relationship.

You're seeing the finished chapter.

Not the draft.

I think that's why so many people feel like they're doing something wrong. They compare the messy middle of their own dating life to someone else's highlight reel, forgetting that every healthy relationship has moments of uncertainty before it becomes clear.

The truth is, the relationships that look effortless today probably included many of the same conversations you're worried about having right now.

Dating Apps Aren't Actually the Problem

It's easy to blame dating apps for everything people dislike about modern dating.

Ghosting.

Mixed signals.

Situationships.

Commitment issues.

But I don't think the apps themselves are the problem.

Dating apps are just a way to meet people.

They can introduce you to someone you never would have met otherwise, and for millions of couples, that's exactly what happened. The app didn't create the relationship. It simply created the introduction.

The real challenge begins after two people match.

That's where communication matters.

That's where expectations matter.

That's where honesty matters.

A dating app can't decide whether two people will have an honest conversation about exclusivity. It can't make someone communicate clearly or define the relationship when the time feels right.

People do that.

I think we sometimes spend so much time criticizing the way we meet people that we forget the skills that actually determine whether a relationship succeeds haven't changed very much.

Trust.

Communication.

Consistency.

Kindness.

Those mattered before dating apps existed.

They matter just as much today.

Clarity Has Never Been More Attractive

One thing I've realized after talking to so many people about dating is that clarity has become surprisingly rare.

So many people are afraid of saying how they feel because they don't want to seem too interested.

They don't want to come across as needy.

They don't want to risk rejection.

So they wait.

They hope the other person brings it up first.

They convince themselves they'll know the "right" moment when it arrives.

Meanwhile, both people are often wondering the exact same thing.

That's why I think clarity has become one of the most attractive qualities someone can have.

Not because it's bold.

Because it's refreshing.

There's something incredibly confident about being able to say:

"I've really enjoyed getting to know you."

"I'd like to keep building this."

"I'm not interested in seeing anyone else."

Those aren't dramatic statements.

They're honest ones.

And honesty has a way of cutting through confusion faster than any dating strategy ever could.

Throughout this series, I've written What Does Exclusivity Mean in Dating? because I think those conversations matter much more than trying to decode someone's behavior.

The healthiest relationships I've seen aren't the ones where two people magically know what the other person is thinking.

They're the ones where both people are willing to say it.

Here's the Thing

I don't think modern dating feels more confusing because people have changed.

I think it feels more confusing because the path has changed.

There are more opportunities to meet people.

More ways to communicate.

More choices.

More opinions.

More labels.

More advice.

Sometimes it feels like everyone has a different definition of what dating is supposed to look like.

But when you strip all of that away, I think healthy relationships still grow the same way they always have.

Two people meet.

They spend time together.

They build trust.

They communicate honestly.

They choose each other.

The technology has changed.

The labels have changed.

The fundamentals haven't.

So instead of trying to memorize every dating rule you see online, focus on becoming someone who's willing to communicate clearly, ask honest questions, and create clarity instead of assumptions.

I think that's the skill modern dating needs most.

Not better guessing.

Better conversations.

FAQs

Why does modern dating feel more confusing than dating in the past?

Modern dating includes more ways to meet people, more relationship labels, and fewer shared expectations. Without clear communication, it's easy for two people to have completely different ideas about the same relationship.

Are dating apps making relationships harder?

Dating apps aren't inherently the problem. They've made meeting people easier, but they've also created more options, making communication and intentional commitment more important than ever.

Why do so many people end up in situationships?

Situationships usually happen when two people continue dating without clearly discussing what they want. Over time, assumptions replace conversations, leaving both people uncertain about where the relationship is headed.

What's the biggest challenge in modern dating?

For many people, it's not finding someone to date—it's knowing when and how to have conversations about exclusivity, commitment, and defining the relationship. Those conversations create clarity that assumptions never can.

How can dating feel less confusing?

Focus less on trying to decode someone's behavior and more on communicating openly. Healthy relationships aren't built by people who always know what the other person is thinking. They're built by people who are willing to ask.