Why Comparing Yourself to Others Makes Everyone Feel Worse

The Comparison Trap I Fell Into

During a work call where I was experiencing intense imposter syndrome, I found myself constantly measuring myself against everyone else in the room. I was the youngest person there - everyone else was in their 40s and up. I noticed they spoke slower than me, never stuttered, and seemed completely confident.

Meanwhile, I was thinking: "I stutter all the time, I'm always stumbling over my words. My comments won't be taken as seriously as everybody else's."

This comparison paralyzed me for most of the call.

The Realization That Changed Everything

Then I had a thought that completely shifted my perspective: Comparing myself to those people isn't going to get me any further, and them comparing themselves to me will only make them feel worse about their position.

This was a lightbulb moment. I realized that comparison was making the situation worse for everyone involved.

Why Comparison Fails Us

When you're stuck in comparison mode, you're focused on all the wrong things:

What you lack instead of what you bring Their experience instead of your potential
Their confidence instead of your unique perspective Their age/status instead of your current position

But here's the thing - comparison is a two-way street that hurts everyone.

How It Hurts You

When I was comparing myself to the more experienced people on the call:

• I convinced myself my contributions were less valuable

• I stayed silent when I had something to say

• I focused on my perceived deficits instead of my strengths

• I paralyzed myself with self-doubt

How It Hurts Them

But then I realized something important: If they were comparing themselves to me, it would make them feel worse too.

Maybe they were looking at me thinking:

• "How did this young person get here so fast?"

• "At his age, I wasn't anywhere near this level"

• "What does he know that I didn't at 24?"

Their comparison could be just as damaging to their confidence as mine was to me.

The Question That Solved Everything

Once I understood this, I asked myself: Why compare when we're all in the same room together and trying to add value and make ourselves worthwhile?

This question completely reframed the situation for me.

The Alternative to Comparison

Instead of comparing, I shifted to this mindset: Why not just add what you think will be worthwhile or valuable, share what you think, and hopefully it will?

Suddenly, the focus moved from "Am I as good as them?" to "Can I contribute something helpful?"

What Happened When I Stopped Comparing

Once I let go of the comparison game, something magical happened:

• I stopped focusing on whether I was "enough"

• I started focusing on what I could contribute

• I finally spoke up and shared my thoughts

• The conversation became collaborative instead of competitive

Why This Matters Beyond One Call

This insight applies everywhere:

In meetings: Focus on your contribution, not how you measure against others In social situations: Stop wondering if you're as interesting/successful/whatever as others In your career: Concentrate on your growth, not your position relative to peers In life: Remember that everyone's path is different

The Truth About That Room

Here's what I realized: We were all in the same room together, trying to add value and make ourselves worthwhile.

We weren't competitors trying to prove who belonged most. We were collaborators each bringing something different to the table.

The Bottom Line

Comparison is a trap that makes everyone feel worse. When you're busy measuring yourself against others, you're not focused on what you can actually contribute.

The next time you find yourself in a room where you feel like you don't measure up, remember: you're not there to compete with everyone else. You're there to add your own unique value.

Stop comparing. Start contributing.

This insight comes from a larger conversation about overcoming imposter syndrome and finding confidence in professional settings. Want to hear the full story? Listen to this complete episode on the Guyset podcast, available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts.