Why Comparing Yourself to Others Makes Everyone Feel Worse

A few months ago, I was on a work call that knocked the wind out of me.

I was the youngest person there by at least fifteen years. Everyone else sounded calm, confident, and experienced. They spoke slowly. They didn’t stumble. Every comment landed clean.

Meanwhile, my head was loud.

I stutter sometimes.
I rush my words.
What if I sound inexperienced?
What if what I say doesn’t land the same way?

That spiral froze me.

And then something clicked.

This moment reminded me of the same internal pressure I talk about in How to Sound More Confident Instead of Insecure: Guide to Building Self-Assurance The environment changed, but the voice was familiar.

The Realization That Changed Everything

I had a thought that stopped the spiral mid-sentence.

Comparing myself to them isn’t helping me.
And if they were comparing themselves to me, it probably wouldn’t help them either.

That’s the part nobody talks about.

Comparison doesn’t just hurt you.
It quietly poisons the room.

Why Comparison Fails You in High Pressure Moments

When comparison takes over, your attention shifts away from the thing that actually matters.

You stop thinking about:

What you bring
What you’ve earned
Why you’re in the room

And start obsessing over:

Their experience
Their confidence
Their age
Their polish

Comparison narrows your focus until all you can see is what you think you lack.

That’s not awareness.
That’s self-sabotage.

According to Harvard Business Review, imposter syndrome often spikes not because of incompetence, but because people shift attention away from contribution and toward self-evaluation in group settings.

How Comparison Shrinks You in Real Time

While I was stuck in my head on that call, a few things happened fast.

I convinced myself my input didn’t matter.
I stayed quiet even when I had solid ideas.
I focused on how I sounded instead of what I was saying.

That’s what imposter syndrome actually does.

It doesn’t make you less capable.
It makes you less present.

And presence is where your value lives.

This is the same pattern that shows up in How To Be More Confident When You Speak with Megan Grano.

The Part I’d Never Considered Before

Here’s the moment that changed how I see these situations.

If they were comparing themselves to me, it might’ve been just as uncomfortable.

They could’ve been thinking:

How did he get here this early?
At that age, I wasn’t anywhere near this level.
What perspective does he bring that I don’t?

Comparison cuts both ways.

It makes younger people feel behind.
It makes older people feel threatened.

Nobody wins.

Research from The American Psychological Association shows that comparison-driven thinking increases anxiety and reduces collaboration, even among high-performing teams.

The Question That Reframed Everything

Instead of asking, Do I belong here?
I asked a different question.

Why compare when we’re all in the same room trying to add value?

That single shift took the pressure off immediately.

I stopped trying to measure myself.
And started trying to contribute.

What Happens When You Stop Comparing and Start Contributing

Once I let go of comparison, the energy changed.

I spoke up.
The conversation opened.
Ideas built on each other instead of competing.

The meeting felt lighter.
More collaborative.
More human.

Not because I suddenly became more confident.

But because I stopped treating the room like a scoreboard.

This mindset is the same one that runs through How Do I Stop Overthinking Everything I Say?

Why This Applies to Everything, Not Just Work

This isn’t just about meetings.

Comparison shows up everywhere:

In social settings
In dating
In career milestones
In your twenties in general

The moment you stop asking how you stack up and start asking how you can contribute, things shift.

You stop performing.
You start participating.

And that’s when you actually grow.

The Truth About Rooms Like That

Everyone in that call was there for the same reason.

Not to compete.
Not to intimidate.
Not to prove superiority.

To add value.

Once you realize that, imposter syndrome loses its grip.

You’re not there to be the best version of someone else.
You’re there to be yourself, clearly and honestly.

Here’s the Thing

Comparison is a dead end.

It doesn’t make you sharper.
It doesn’t make you better.
It just makes you quieter.

You don’t belong in rooms by accident.
You’re there because something about you matters.

Stop comparing.
Start contributing.

That’s where confidence actually comes from.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do I feel imposter syndrome in meetings or group settings?
Imposter syndrome usually comes from comparison, not lack of ability. When you focus on how others sound or appear, you disconnect from your own value.

Does everyone experience imposter syndrome?
Yes. People at every level experience it, even those who appear confident. It’s especially common in high-pressure or unfamiliar environments.

How do I stop comparing myself to others at work?
Shift your focus from measuring yourself to contributing. Ask how you can add value instead of how you stack up.

What should I do when I freeze during meetings?
Pause, breathe, and ground yourself in what you know. You don’t need perfect delivery for your ideas to matter.

Does comparison affect others too?
Yes. Comparison makes people defensive, quieter, or competitive. It drains collaboration from the room.