Why Comparing Yourself to Others Makes Everyone Feel Worse

What I learned from being the youngest person in the room and feeling like I didn’t belong.

By

Josh Felgoise

May 30, 2025

During a work call a few months ago, I got hit hard with imposter syndrome. I was the youngest person there by at least fifteen years. Everyone else sounded calm, confident, and experienced.

They spoke slowly. They didn’t stutter. Every comment landed perfectly.

Meanwhile, I was thinking: “I stutter all the time. I stumble over my words. My comments won’t be taken as seriously as everyone else’s.”

That mindset completely froze me.

The Realization That Changed Everything

Then I had this thought: comparing myself to these people isn’t getting me anywhere. And if they were comparing themselves to me, it would probably make them feel worse too.

That was the lightbulb moment. Comparison doesn’t just hurt you — it makes the whole room worse.

Why Comparison Fails Us

When you’re in comparison mode, your focus shifts to all the wrong things:

What you lack instead of what you bring
Their experience instead of your potential
Their confidence instead of your perspective
Their age instead of your opportunity

The truth is, comparison is a two-way street that leaves everyone feeling smaller.

If this hits home, check out The Confidence Routine That Rebuilds You. It’s about how to shift your focus back to what you can control.

How Comparison Hurts You

When I compared myself to the people on that call:

I convinced myself my input didn’t matter
I stayed quiet even when I had good ideas
I focused on my insecurities instead of my strengths
I froze in moments where I could’ve grown

That’s what comparison does — it takes you out of the game.

How It Hurts Them

But then I realized something I’d never considered. If they were comparing themselves to me, it would make them feel bad too.

They might be thinking:

“How did this young person get here so fast?”
“At his age, I wasn’t anywhere near this level.”
“What does he know that I didn’t?”

Their comparison could be just as toxic as mine. Nobody wins.

If you want to dig deeper into this mindset, How to Build Your Inner Circle breaks down how to surround yourself with people who lift you up, not compete with you.

The Question That Changed Everything

Once I saw how useless comparison was, I asked myself:
“Why compare when we’re all in the same room trying to add value?”

That question reframed everything. I stopped thinking about whether I was “as good as them” and started thinking about how I could actually help.

The Alternative to Comparison

Instead of competing, I started contributing. My mindset shifted to:
“What if I just share what I think will be valuable, and trust that it matters?”

Suddenly, the pressure disappeared. I spoke up. The conversation opened up. Collaboration replaced insecurity.

What Happened When I Stopped Comparing

Once I let go of comparison, a few things changed immediately:

I stopped worrying if I was enough
I focused on what I could add
I finally spoke with confidence
The whole meeting felt lighter and more collaborative

That moment stuck with me. Because it wasn’t just about that one meeting — it was about how I show up everywhere.

If this resonates, read How Living Alone After College Changes You. It’s about learning to trust your own rhythm instead of comparing it to everyone else’s.

Why This Matters Everywhere

This mindset goes beyond one work call. It applies to everything:

In meetings: Focus on your contribution, not your comparison.
In social settings: Stop wondering if you’re as impressive as someone else.
In your career: Measure progress by your growth, not your peers.
In life: Remember, everyone’s timing is different.

The Truth About That Room

Here’s what hit me after that call: we were all there for the same reason. Every person, regardless of age or experience, was trying to add value and prove they belonged.

We weren’t competitors. We were contributors.

That realization took the pressure away completely.