There was a time when dating felt much simpler.

You met someone, you went on a date, and if you liked each other, you kept seeing each other. Eventually, one of you asked the other to be your boyfriend or girlfriend, and everyone knew where the relationship stood. There weren't a dozen different labels for every stage along the way.

Today, dating feels very different.

We have talking stages, situationships, exclusivity, soft launches, hard launches, and enough new terminology to make almost anyone wonder what any of it actually means. Somewhere along the way, we became really good at creating labels and really bad at defining what they mean.

The situationship is probably the best example of that.

It's one of the most common dating terms you'll hear today, but it's also one of the most misunderstood.

So, What Is a Situationship?

A situationship is a romantic relationship that hasn't been clearly defined.

You're going on dates. You're texting every day. You enjoy spending time together, and maybe you've even met each other's friends. From the outside, it can look a lot like a relationship, but neither of you has actually talked about what this is or where it's going.

That's what makes it a situationship.

It isn't about how many dates you've been on.

It isn't about whether you've kissed, hooked up, or spent the weekend together.

It's about uncertainty.

The relationship exists, but the clarity doesn't.

Why Situationships Feel So Confusing

The hardest part about a situationship usually isn't the relationship itself.

It's everything you don't know.

You start wondering whether they're seeing other people. You wonder if they like you as much as you like them. You replay conversations, analyze text messages, and convince yourself that every delayed response means something.

Before long, you're spending more time trying to figure out the relationship than actually enjoying it.

The interesting part is that the other person may be doing the exact same thing.

One of the things I realized while recording this episode is how often two people are experiencing completely different versions of the same relationship.

"One person thinks it's casual. One person thinks it's serious. One person is seeing lots of other people at the same time. One person is seeing nobody else."

Neither person is necessarily wrong.

They're just operating with different assumptions because nobody has actually talked about it yet.

If you've ever wondered How Do You Know If Someone Is Actually Interested In You?, this is usually where that question comes from. You're trying to understand how someone feels without ever giving them the opportunity to tell you.

Are Situationships Always Bad?

The internet loves to make situationships sound like something you should avoid at all costs.

I don't think that's true.

Almost every healthy relationship starts without a label. The first few dates are supposed to be about figuring out whether you actually enjoy spending time together. You're learning how they communicate, what they value, and whether this is someone you can picture building something with.

That takes time.

Research from the Pew Research Center has found that dating has changed dramatically over the last two decades as dating apps have become one of the most common ways people meet.

More opportunities to meet people can be a great thing, but they also create more uncertainty around expectations, exclusivity, and commitment.

The problem isn't spending time in a situationship.

The problem is never moving beyond one.

A situationship should be a bridge.

Not a destination.

At some point, the relationship has to move somewhere. Maybe that means becoming exclusive. Maybe it means deciding you're better as friends. Maybe it means realizing you're looking for different things.

Every one of those outcomes is healthier than staying in the gray area forever.

The goal of a situationship isn't to avoid commitment.

The goal is to figure out whether commitment is something both of you actually want.

The Difference Between a Situationship and a Relationship

The biggest difference between a situationship and a relationship isn't how much you like each other.

It's whether you've talked about it.

Two people can spend every weekend together, text every day, and even stop seeing other people, but until they've had a conversation about what they want, they're still relying on assumptions instead of clarity.

That's why I think we've made modern dating more complicated than it needs to be. We've created all these labels to explain what's happening, but the labels don't actually answer the question everyone is asking.

Where do we stand?

If you've been wondering What Does Exclusivity Mean in Dating?, I think exclusivity is less about the label itself and more about the conversation behind it. It's the point where two people decide they want to focus on each other, even if they haven't officially called themselves boyfriend and girlfriend yet.

Research from The Gottman Institute, which has spent decades studying successful relationships, consistently points to communication as one of the strongest predictors of long-term relationship success.

Healthy couples aren't successful because they always know what the other person is thinking. They're successful because they talk about it.

When Should You Have the Conversation?

This is probably the question everyone really wants answered.

How many dates should you wait?

A month?

Two months?

Three months?

The honest answer is that there isn't one.

Every relationship moves at its own pace because every person walks into dating with different experiences, different expectations, and different fears. Someone coming out of a five-year relationship may need more time than someone who's never been in one before.

Instead of asking whether enough time has passed, ask yourself a different question.

Have I learned enough about this person to know I'd like to keep building this relationship?

If the answer is yes, it's probably time to stop guessing.

One of my favorite ideas from the episode was this:

"Everything they say from there will tell you everything you need to know."

I think that's true.

For weeks, maybe even months, you've been trying to figure out what's happening inside someone else's head. One honest conversation replaces all of that guessing with an actual answer.

Maybe they're excited about where things are going.

Maybe they're not ready yet.

Maybe they're looking for something different.

Every one of those answers is better than spending another month wondering.

If you're nervous about bringing it up, So, What Are We? A Guide to Situationships, Exclusivity, and Relationships starts with the same idea: don't focus on finding the perfect words. Focus on being honest.

The Biggest Mistake People Make

I think the biggest mistake people make in situationships is waiting for certainty before they say anything.

You wait until you know they like you.

You wait until the timing feels perfect.

You wait until you're positive they won't reject you.

The problem is that certainty rarely comes before the conversation.

It usually comes because of the conversation.

Instead of telling someone how you feel, you spend weeks trying to decode text messages, analyze dates, or figure out whether they took three hours to respond because they were busy or because they're losing interest.

I've done it.

Almost everyone has.

The irony is that the conversation you're avoiding is usually the one that brings the most peace of mind.

Here's the Thing

I don't think situationships are the problem.

I think silence is.

Two people can spend months trying to read each other's minds when one honest conversation would answer almost every question they've been asking themselves. Whether the relationship becomes something serious or not almost doesn't matter as much as finally knowing where you both stand.

Modern dating doesn't need more labels.

It needs more conversations.

If you're getting to know someone, enjoy getting to know them. Let the relationship develop naturally instead of trying to force it into someone else's timeline. But when you reach the point where you're constantly wondering what this is, don't spend another month guessing.

Talk.

It won't always be easy.

It won't always lead to the answer you hoped for.

But it'll always leave you with more clarity than silence ever will.

FAQs

What is a situationship?

A situationship is a romantic relationship that hasn't been clearly defined. Two people are dating and spending time together but haven't talked about exclusivity or commitment.

Is a situationship the same as dating?

You're dating in the sense that you're going on dates, but a situationship usually refers to the period before the relationship has been clearly defined.

How long should a situationship last?

There isn't a universal timeline. The important question isn't how much time has passed, but whether the relationship is continuing to move toward greater clarity through honest communication.

Can a situationship become a relationship?

Absolutely. Many healthy relationships begin as situationships before both people decide they want to become exclusive and commit to each other.

How do you get out of a situationship?

By having an honest conversation. Share how you feel, ask where the other person stands, and decide together whether you want to continue building the relationship or move in different directions.