The Real Q&A: How to Talk to Girls at a Bar Without Feeling Awkward

There’s no shortage of advice out there about how to “approach” someone, but most of it sounds robotic or rehearsed. I wanted to answer the real questions guys actually ask — the ones that come up when you’re out with friends, see someone across the room, and start overthinking it.

These are the honest answers from my episode How to Talk to Girls at a Bar.

Q: What’s the hardest part about talking to a girl at a bar?

“The first walk up is the hardest part. That's the part that makes everybody feel uncomfortable.”

It’s not the conversation that scares you, it’s the moment before it starts. You can’t plan that feeling away.

“As a preface, it’s always going to be a little weird, a little awkward, a little uncomfortable.”

That’s what makes it real. Everyone feels that. Confidence isn’t about never feeling nervous — it’s about moving through that moment anyway.

Q: What do I actually say?

Start with the simplest move possible.

“I always think it's good to start with a compliment. Walking up to somebody and saying like, ‘Hey, I think you're really pretty,’ or, ‘Hey, I thought you were really cute, I wanted to say hi.’”

Then follow it with a question.

“The next thing I would do is ask her a question... as simple as that. Do you live around here? Who are you here with?”

That’s it. “Compliment. Question. Ask for her number.”
You don’t need a script. You just need to be genuine.

Q: Should I offer to buy a drink?

“You don't need to buy somebody a drink yet. Wait until you know there’s an actual vibe.”

Buying a drink is not a requirement. It can actually make things more awkward if the connection isn’t there yet.
If the conversation is flowing after a few minutes and you’re both relaxed, sure — grab one together. But don’t lead with it.
Confidence isn’t transactional. It’s about comfort.

Q: What if I get rejected?

“The worst that happens is they say no.”

That’s it. Nothing catastrophic happens.

“It’s a speck of dust that you can literally dust away. It’s five minutes of your five-hour night.”

You still walk away more confident than before because you tried. The goal is not to avoid rejection, it’s to stop giving it power.

Q: How do I get more confident doing this?

Confidence is not a personality trait. It’s a pattern you build by acting through discomfort.

“Imagine if we told ourselves that we were confident over and over again. How that would change the way we think about ourselves.”

Every time you say hi, you’re proving that you can.
And when you repeat that often enough, confidence stops being something you chase. It becomes how you operate.

Q: What if she doesn’t seem into it?

“You have to also want to continue this conversation.”

You’re allowed to read the room too. If she seems uninterested or distracted, you can leave politely.

“You can also just be like, ‘Alright, it was really nice to meet you.’ You are not trapped in this conversation.”

You don’t owe anyone endless effort. Confidence is knowing when to walk away as much as when to walk up.

Q: When should I ask for her number?

“When you're both into the conversation. You'll know within the first couple minutes if she's interested.”

Then keep it simple. “I'd love to get your number. Would you want to go out sometime?”
You don’t need to over-qualify it. You’re showing interest, not begging for approval.

Q: What’s your best advice for guys in their twenties?

“Get out of your own way.”

That’s the entire answer.
Most guys stay stuck because they’re predicting rejection before it happens.

“Of course she wants to say hi to you too. You’re a catch.”

When you start believing that, your energy changes. You stop forcing confidence and start feeling it.

Bottom Line

“The coolest part about this thing is that my perspective can change and it can grow and it can evolve.”

Every time you put yourself out there, that’s what’s happening. You’re growing.
The goal is not to get every number. The goal is to build confidence that lasts beyond the bar.

Because at the end of the night, it’s not about whether she said yes. It’s about the fact that you said hi.

Read next: How to Talk to Girls at a Bar