The Real Questions Guys Have About Talking to Girls at Bars (Answered Honestly)

There’s no shortage of advice about how to “approach” someone. Most of it sounds robotic. Most of it makes things worse.

What guys actually want answered are the real questions. The ones that show up when you’re out with friends, you spot someone across the room, and your brain starts racing.

Here are the honest answers.

Q: What’s the hardest part about talking to a girl at a bar?

“The first walk up is the hardest part. That’s the part that makes everybody feel uncomfortable.”

It’s not the conversation.
It’s the moment before it starts.

That pause where you’re still deciding whether to go for it is where most guys lose confidence. You stand there thinking, calculating, waiting for the “right” moment that never really comes.

And the truth is, you can’t plan that feeling away.

“As a preface, it’s always going to be a little weird, a little awkward, a little uncomfortable.”

That discomfort isn’t a red flag. It’s the entry fee.

Confidence isn’t about feeling calm. It’s about moving anyway.

If this hesitation keeps you stuck, 7 Lessons I Learned About Confidence From One Awkward Hello breaks down why the decision matters more than the opener.

Q: What do I actually say?

Keep it simple.

“I always think it’s good to start with a compliment. ‘Hey, I think you’re really cute, I wanted to say hi.’”

Not clever.
Not rehearsed.
Just honest.

Then ask a question.

“The next thing I would do is ask her a question. Do you live around here? Who are you here with?”

That’s it.

Compliment. Question. Conversation.

You don’t need a script. You need sincerity.

If you tend to overthink what comes next, How Do I Start A Conversation After Getting Her Number walks through this exact moment step by step.

Q: Should I offer to buy a drink?

“You don’t need to buy somebody a drink yet. Wait until you know there’s an actual vibe.”

Buying a drink isn’t confidence. Awareness is.

When you lead with a drink before there’s a connection, it can feel transactional. Like you’re paying to stay in the conversation.

Let the interaction breathe first.

If it’s flowing, you’re both relaxed, and the energy feels mutual, grabbing a drink together makes sense.

Confidence isn’t paying for attention. It’s creating comfort.

Q: What if I get rejected?

“The worst that happens is they say no.”

That’s it.

“It’s a speck of dust you can literally dust away. It’s five minutes of your five-hour night.”

Rejection doesn’t ruin your night. Avoiding action does.

Psychologically, rejection feels heavier than it is because our brains treat social rejection like physical pain. Research summarized by Psychology Today shows that our fear response often exaggerates how damaging rejection actually is.

You don’t lose confidence by hearing no.
You build it by trying.

If rejection tends to linger longer than it should, Why Rejection Hurts So Much After Just a Few Dates explains what’s really happening in your head.

Q: How do I actually get more confident doing this?

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It’s something you build.

“Imagine if we told ourselves we were confident over and over again. How that would change the way we think about ourselves.”

Every time you walk up and say hi, you’re proving something to yourself. Not to her. To you.

That you can handle discomfort.
That you can survive awkwardness.
That you don’t need certainty to act.

Do that enough times and confidence stops being something you chase. It becomes how you show up.

Q: What if she doesn’t seem interested?

“You have to also want to continue the conversation.”

This part matters more than most guys realize.

You’re not auditioning. You’re choosing too.

If the energy’s off, she’s distracted, or the conversation feels forced, you can leave.

“Alright, it was really nice meeting you.”

That’s confidence.

You don’t owe anyone your time. And you don’t need to force something that isn’t there.

If you struggle with this boundary, How Do I Know If She Likes Me helps you read interest without guessing or overextending.

Q: When should I ask for her number?

“When you’re both into the conversation. You’ll know within the first couple minutes.”

When it feels mutual, keep it direct.

“I’d love to get your number. Would you want to go out sometime?”

No over-explaining.
No pressure.
No apology.

You’re expressing interest, not asking permission to exist.

If texting afterward is where things usually unravel, How Fast Should I Text Back keeps momentum from turning into anxiety.

Q: What’s the best advice for guys in their twenties?

“Get out of your own way.”

Most guys don’t fail because they say the wrong thing. They fail because they convince themselves not to try.

“Of course she wants to say hi to you too. You’re a catch.”

When you start believing that, your posture changes. Your tone changes. Your energy changes.

You stop forcing confidence and start feeling it.

And Here's The Thing

Confidence isn’t about getting every number.

It’s about being the kind of guy who doesn’t let fear decide for him.

Every time you say hi, your perspective grows. Your comfort expands. Your confidence compounds.

At the end of the night, it’s not about whether she said yes.

It’s about the fact that you showed up and said hi.