How to Talk to Girls at a Bar (Without Making It Weird)

“I started this because I realized there are so many podcasts for girls like this that are targeted to girls in their twenties... relationships, dating, confidence, what to wear, what to say. But there was nothing that felt like it was for guys like me.”

That is how this all started.
Not with a viral idea or a big plan, just a guy in his twenties trying to figure things out out loud. And one of the first things I ever tried to figure out on the mic was how to talk to girls at a bar.

At the time, I didn’t have much to say. “I don’t think I gave the best advice in that episode. I was really new to the dating scene in New York and still feeling awkward walking up to a girl and saying, ‘Hi, I’m Josh. Nice to meet you.’”

Fast forward over a hundred episodes later, and I finally have something better to say. Not because I’ve mastered it, but because I’ve lived it.

Why Every Guy Overthinks It

When I talk to friends about this, I hear the same thing every time.

How do you walk up to somebody and say hi without it feeling awkward?”
“How do I gain the confidence to do that?”

The truth is that you don’t.
You just do it anyway.

“As a preface, it’s always going to be a little weird, a little awkward, a little uncomfortable. You’re never going to completely get rid of all of that.”

That is not a bad thing. That is what makes it real. Every guy feels that tension, the pause between wanting to say something and actually doing it. The problem is not awkwardness. The problem is thinking that awkwardness means you shouldn’t do it.

The Conversation That Sparked This

I was recently talking with a friend who said, “I feel like I'm going to ruin my night because I'm going to get rejected, or make her night more awkward, or it's just going to be weird.”

That line, “I feel like it’s easier not to,” stuck with me. Because it’s the same thing every guy says in his head when he sees someone across the bar and decides to stay with his friends instead.

You convince yourself it’s better to avoid the rejection.
You keep your night safe.
But that also means you go home wondering what could’ve happened.

That moment, the one where you either walk up or walk away, is where confidence is built.
“It’s the split-second decision of confidence versus shyness.”

The Framework That Actually Works

I like simple frameworks because they take the pressure off. This one’s stupidly simple, and it works.

“Compliment. Question. Ask for her number.”

That is it. That is the whole thing.

“I always think it's good to start with a compliment. Walking up to somebody and saying like, ‘Hey, I think you're really pretty,’ or, ‘Hey, I thought you were really cute, I wanted to say hi.’”

Start there. Then:

“The next thing I would do is ask her a question... as simple as that. Do you live around here? Who are you here with?”

From there, it just snowballs.

“The conversation keeps going because you’re actually talking, not performing.”

If it’s flowing, then and only then, “Ask for her number. Say, ‘Hey, I’d love to get your number. Would you want to go out sometime?’”

That’s it. No pick-up lines. No perfect timing. No reading signals like a CIA agent. Just a real human conversation.

And no, you don’t owe anyone a drink to get there.
“You don't need to buy somebody a drink yet. Wait until you know there’s an actual vibe.”

Confidence Isn’t Loud, It’s Clear

Confidence isn’t about what you say. It’s about how you carry yourself before you say it.
“Imagine if we told ourselves that we were confident over and over again. How that would change the way we think about ourselves.”

We’re so used to beating ourselves up before we even try.

“We’re so negative about what the outcome is going to be before we even walked up to her. We assume rejection.”

But confidence is about posture. It’s shoulders up versus shoulders down.

“If you walk up with that like shoulders down mindset of ‘this isn’t gonna work,’ versus the mindset of like, ‘she has such good reason to be interested in me,’ your shoulders are instantly up more.”

That’s the energy shift. That’s what people actually feel. Not your words, your energy.

Rejection Is Not Failure

We build rejection up to be this huge emotional hit when it’s really nothing.

“The worst that happens is they say no.”

That’s it.

“It’s a speck of dust that you can literally dust away. It’s five minutes of your five-hour night.”

You didn’t ruin your night. You didn’t embarrass yourself. You just lived. You said hi. You took a shot. You did what most people won’t. That’s a win, not a loss.

Know When to Walk Away Too

It’s not all about whether she’s interested.

“You have to also want to continue this conversation.”

That part gets overlooked. It’s not just about “Does she like me?” It’s also “Do I like her?”
If the conversation’s dull, the energy’s off, or she’s giving nothing back, it’s okay to end it.

“You can also just be like, ‘Alright, it was really nice to meet you.’ You are not trapped in this conversation. You don’t owe her anything.”

That mindset alone gives you power, not in a manipulative way, but in a grounded, self-respecting way. You decide who you give your energy to.

The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything

This is what I want every guy listening to hear.

“Of course she wants to say hi to you too. You’re a catch.”

You’re not the awkward one in the corner. You’re not weird for wanting to talk to someone. You’re human.

The key is to get out of your own way.

“Cut out the first step that we always do to ourselves of like, she’s going to reject me. Like, this isn’t going to work. Of course she’s going to be interested in you. You’re a fucking catch.”

That’s the part we skip over in all the “how to talk to girls” advice, reminding yourself that you’re enough before you even start talking.

What I’ve Learned After 120+ Episodes

“I think that’s the coolest part about this thing, that my perspective can change and it can grow and it can evolve.”

That’s what this podcast has been about since day one. Not perfection, but growth. The confidence I have now is not because I figured out what to say. It’s because I’ve learned that saying anything at all is better than saying nothing.

I’d rather risk a little awkwardness than spend the night wondering.

“I would always rather know than not know.”

That’s confidence. Not fearlessness, but action.