There are some nights when being alone sounds incredible. You get home, put on whatever you want, order whatever you want, and don't have to talk to anybody.

Then there are other nights when being alone feels completely different.

You check your phone and nobody has plans. You scroll through Instagram and it looks like everybody else is doing something. You tell yourself you're going to use the night to be productive, then suddenly it's 11:45 p.m. and you've spent five hours scrolling through TikTok.

I think learning how to enjoy being alone is one of the biggest adjustments of your 20s. Not because you're supposed to become somebody who never needs other people, but because adulthood suddenly gives you a lot more time with yourself.

The better you get at actually enjoying some of that time, the less it feels like something you're constantly trying to escape.

Understand Why Being Alone Feels Different in Your 20s

Before your 20s, you probably didn't have to think that much about spending time alone.

You lived with family. You went to school every day. Maybe you went to college and lived with roommates or had friends down the hall. There were constantly people around you and things happening.

Then adulthood gets quieter.

“I think this is an incredibly important one, especially in our 20s. Because before our 20s, we don't have a lot of time on our own. That's probably one of the biggest changes from before college to after college, is that you are spending so much more time on your own.”

Suddenly, there are random Tuesday nights with nothing on the calendar. Your friends have jobs, relationships, responsibilities, and completely different schedules.

That doesn't mean something is wrong.

It's just a different stage of life.

If that transition has also made you feel like you're not exactly sure what you're doing next, Is It Normal to Feel Lost in Your 20s? gets into that larger feeling of trying to find your footing after the structure you had growing up disappears.

Know the Difference Between Being Alone and Being Lonely

Being alone and being lonely aren't the same thing.

Being alone describes what's happening. Loneliness describes how you feel about it.

You can be alone on a Saturday night and have an amazing time. You can also be at a party surrounded by 50 people and feel lonely.

Harvard Health Publishing explains that solitude can be voluntary and restorative, while loneliness is the distress that can come from feeling like you don't have the connection you want.

That's an important difference because learning to enjoy being alone doesn't mean convincing yourself that you don't need friends, relationships, or connection.

You do.

It means being able to have an empty night without automatically deciding that the night is bad.

Stop Treating Free Time Like Something You Have to Fill

I think this is where a lot of us get stuck.

You get an open night and immediately feel like you should be doing something with it.

You should make plans. You should be productive. You should clean your apartment. You should meal prep. You should work on something. You should at least watch the movie you've been meaning to watch.

Then you don't do any of it and somehow feel like you've failed at having free time.

“A lot of the time, nobody knows what to do at that time because you feel kinda lost in it and then you feel like you've wasted the time.”

Not every hour needs an accomplishment attached to it.

Sometimes enjoying being alone means cooking dinner and watching something. Sometimes it means going to the gym. Sometimes it means doing absolutely nothing particularly impressive.

You don't have to earn your free time by using it perfectly.

Figure Out What You Actually Like Doing

This is where being alone starts becoming useful.

When nobody else is making the plan, what do you choose?

What do you actually like watching? Where do you like going? What music do you put on? What hobbies are interesting to you? What do you want to learn?

It's surprisingly easy to get through years of your life without really asking yourself those questions because so much of your time is built around other people.

“We can take that time to like get to know ourselves and familiarize ourselves with what we actually like, what we actually want to do, what we want to see for ourselves, what we want to build in this life.”

That's one of the best things about having more time alone.

You get to experiment.

Try cooking something. Go to a movie alone. Walk around a neighborhood you've never explored. Read. Play a video game. Go to the gym. Start writing. Try a class. Find a hobby that has absolutely no productive purpose whatsoever.

If you're not sure where to start, Whatever Happened to Having Hobbies? is a good reminder that you can do something simply because you enjoy doing it.

Make Plans With Yourself

You don't need to wait until everybody else is available to do something you want to do.

If there's a restaurant you want to try, go. If there's a movie you want to see, see it. If you want coffee, walk somewhere and get coffee.

This might feel weird the first few times.

That's okay.

Psychology Today has highlighted research suggesting people often expect solo activities to be less enjoyable than they actually are. Sometimes the biggest obstacle is simply imagining that doing something alone will feel awkward.

The more normal you make it, the more normal it becomes.

You don't have to turn yourself into the guy who exclusively eats dinner alone at restaurants. The point is knowing you can do something because you want to do it, even if nobody else is free.

Don't Let Social Media Decide Whether Your Night Was Good

This is probably one of the fastest ways to turn an enjoyable night alone into a bad one.

You're completely fine.

Then you open Instagram.

Someone is at a party. Someone is at dinner. Somebody is on vacation. Your friends are doing something you didn't know about.

Suddenly your couch feels significantly less appealing than it did 30 seconds ago.

Remember that you're seeing isolated moments from other people's lives. You have no idea how they spent the rest of their day, how much fun they're actually having, or what their night looks like after that post.

If you constantly find yourself doing this, How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others is really part of the same conversation.

Your night doesn't become worse because somebody else is having a good one.

Use Some of the Time to Learn About Yourself

Being alone gives you something that constantly being around other people doesn't: space to actually hear yourself think.

That can occasionally be uncomfortable.

You might think about your job. Your relationship. Where you live. What you're doing next. Whether you're happy with the direction you're going.

But that's also how you start figuring those things out.

The American Psychological Association has reported on research suggesting that solitude can offer benefits such as emotional regulation and opportunities for reflection when it's chosen and balanced with meaningful social connection.

You don't have to figure out your entire life during one quiet Tuesday night.

But having enough space to ask yourself what you want isn't a bad thing.

Don't Turn Enjoying Being Alone Into Isolating Yourself

There is another side to this.

Learning to enjoy being alone doesn't mean you should stop making plans, stop dating, stop seeing friends, or convince yourself you don't need anybody.

You still need people.

The goal is balance.

You want to be able to enjoy Friday night with your friends and Tuesday night by yourself. You want relationships because they add something to your life, not because the idea of spending any time alone feels unbearable.

Enjoying your own company should make connection better, not replace it.

And Here's The Thing

You don't need to love being alone all the time.

Some nights you'll be thrilled to have nothing on the calendar. Other nights you'll wish somebody would text you with a plan.

Both are normal.

Learning to enjoy being alone is really learning what to do with yourself when nobody else is deciding for you.

Figure out what you like. Make plans with yourself. Let yourself waste an occasional night. Try things without waiting for somebody to come with you.

And use some of that time to figure out who you are when nobody else is around.

Because having time to yourself doesn't have to mean you're missing out on your life.

It can be where you start figuring out what you actually want your life to look like.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I learn to enjoy being alone?

Start by finding things you genuinely enjoy doing rather than trying to fill every free hour. Make small plans for yourself and get more comfortable doing things without needing somebody else there.

Why do I hate being alone?

Being alone can feel unfamiliar, especially if you're used to constantly being around family, roommates, friends, or coworkers. It can take time to become comfortable with quieter periods.

Is being alone the same as being lonely?

No. Being alone means you're physically by yourself, while loneliness is the feeling that you're missing the connection you want. You can experience either one without the other.

What can I do alone in my 20s?

Go to the gym, cook, read, see a movie, explore somewhere new, start a hobby, work on something creative, or simply have a night where you don't need to accomplish anything.

Is it healthy to spend time alone?

It can be. Chosen alone time can give you space to relax and reflect, but it should exist alongside meaningful relationships and social connection.