Think about how many times you touch your phone in a normal day without consciously deciding to. You wake up and reach for it. You check it while you brush your teeth. You look at it while you're waiting for coffee. You walk somewhere with it in your hand.

You sit down at your desk and check it between tasks. You watch a movie while scrolling through something else. You go to dinner and put it on the table. Someone goes to the bathroom for two minutes and suddenly you're on Instagram.

There doesn't even need to be anything you particularly want to see. The phone has just become the default destination for every empty moment.

I don't think that makes you addicted to your phone in some dramatic, throw-it-into-the-ocean way. Our phones are genuinely useful. They're how we talk to our friends, work, listen to music, get directions, date, take photos, read the news, order food and do about a hundred other things.

But somewhere along the way, they also became the thing we use to avoid being bored for 15 seconds. And if every quiet moment gets filled by your phone, you can go through an entire day technically being somewhere without really being there.

Your Phone Is Always Giving You Somewhere Else to Be

“Put your phone down every once in a while and enjoy your life.”

That's basically the whole idea. Not never use your phone. Not delete social media. Not go live in the woods for a month. Every once in a while, put it down.

Your phone gives you the ability to leave almost any moment without physically going anywhere. You can be sitting across from your best friend while watching somebody you've never met make dinner in Los Angeles. You can be on a date while wondering whether somebody else texted you.

You can be watching a movie while reading about another movie. You can be on vacation while checking what everyone back home is doing.

You're there, but you're also somewhere else.

When you do that often enough, I think you start losing some of the texture of your actual life. The conversation you would've gotten deeper into. The person you would've noticed. The thought you would've finished. The walk you would've enjoyed.

Harvard Health Publishing has explained that mindfulness is largely about bringing your attention back to what is happening in the present moment rather than constantly getting pulled into thoughts or distractions elsewhere. You don't need to turn that into some enormous wellness practice. Sometimes being present is as simple as letting the moment you're currently in be enough.

When you're having dinner, have dinner. When you're talking to someone, talk to them. When you're watching a movie, watch the movie. When you're walking somewhere, occasionally just walk.

It sounds almost stupidly obvious. But when was the last time you did one thing without also doing something on your phone?

We’ve Eliminated Almost Every Empty Moment

Waiting used to mean waiting. You waited in line. You waited for your friend to show up. You sat on the subway. You walked somewhere. You had five minutes before a meeting.

Now those moments have somewhere to go.

You check Instagram. TikTok. Your email. The group chat. The score. The weather. Something you already checked seven minutes ago.

And I'm guilty of this too. There are times when I'll open my phone, check something, close it and then almost immediately open it again without having received a notification or having anything specific I need to do.

It's just muscle memory.

The American Psychological Association has discussed how digital notifications and interruptions can pull at our attention and create stress, particularly when we're constantly switching between what we're doing and what is happening on a device. Your attention isn't unlimited. Every time you redirect it somewhere else, you're taking some of it away from whatever was already in front of you.

That matters because a lot of the best parts of life aren't particularly optimized for holding your attention. A long conversation isn't going to send you a push notification. Dinner with your parents isn't designed by an algorithm. Walking around your neighborhood doesn't have an infinite scroll.

Real life can be slower. That's not a flaw.

This connects to something I wrote about in How To Stop Comparing Yourself to Everyone Else because your phone isn't only taking your attention away from your life. It's constantly giving you other people's lives to measure yours against.

You can be having a perfectly good Saturday afternoon and, within 30 seconds of opening Instagram, suddenly feel like everyone else is somewhere better, doing something more exciting with people who are having more fun.

Nothing about your afternoon changed.

Your attention did.

Start With the Parts of Your Life You Actually Want to Be Present For

I don't think the solution is setting some arbitrary goal where you're only allowed to use your phone for two hours a day. Maybe that works for you, but I think a more realistic place to start is asking yourself: Which parts of my life do I actually want to be present for?

If you're at dinner with friends, maybe your phone doesn't need to be sitting face up on the table. If you're on a date, maybe it stays in your pocket. If you're watching a movie you actually wanted to see, maybe you don't need to scroll through TikTok during the slower scenes.

In the episode, I talked about creating small periods where your phone simply isn't an option. Maybe that's the first 20 minutes after you wake up. Maybe it's the last 20 minutes before you go to sleep. Maybe it's during dinner or one walk every day.

You don't need to transform your entire relationship with technology overnight.

Just create some places where your phone isn't invited.

“And it's it sets your brain from proactive to reactive.”

Think about what happens when the first thing you do in the morning is check your phone. Before you've even decided what you're thinking about today, you're reading emails, seeing texts, looking at notifications, finding out what happened overnight and remembering something you forgot to do yesterday.

Your day has barely started and you're already responding.

That's why I like the idea of having at least a little bit of time in the morning where your brain belongs to you. Get up. Shower. Make coffee. Get dressed. Go to the gym. Walk outside. Do whatever your morning looks like.

Then look.

You don't need to know everything that happened while you were asleep within 45 seconds of opening your eyes.

Psychology Today has written about how cues like boredom, stress or simply having your phone nearby can prompt automatic checking behavior. That’s important because it means you don't necessarily have to rely entirely on willpower. You can change the environment around the habit.

Put the phone across the room. Turn off notifications you don't need. Keep it in your pocket at dinner. Charge it somewhere other than directly next to your head.

You aren't trying to prove that you have incredible self-control. You're just creating a little friction between the impulse and the action.

Let Yourself Be Bored Again

I think we underestimate boredom. Not because boredom itself is some magical experience you should chase, but because we've become incredibly uncomfortable with even a tiny amount of it.

You get in an elevator and look at your phone. You wait for someone and look at your phone. You sit through a commercial and look at your phone. You have 45 seconds before the subway arrives and look at your phone.

There is always something available to consume.

But sometimes you need to stare out the window. Sometimes you need to walk without listening to anything. Sometimes you need to sit there for two minutes while your friend goes to the bathroom.

Maybe you think about something interesting. Maybe you notice something. Maybe absolutely nothing happens.

That's okay too.

This is part of the larger idea behind The Inner Monologue of Your 20s. Your 20s can already feel like an endless stream of questions about what you should be doing next. Your phone gives you even more input when sometimes what you actually need is enough quiet to hear what you think.

You don't have to optimize every second. Some seconds can just happen.

The Point Isn’t Less Screen Time. It’s More Life.

There’s another version of this that I think is worth talking about because I'm guilty of it too. Something good happens and immediately you want your phone.

The food comes out. Take a picture. The concert starts. Record it. You get somewhere beautiful. Take a picture. Your friends are doing something funny. Record it.

There's nothing wrong with that. Photos and videos are great, and you'll probably be happy you have them later. But sometimes there is a weird moment where documenting your life becomes more important than experiencing it.

You watch the concert through your screen because you're trying to get the perfect video. You spend the first five minutes at dinner getting the photo. You're thinking about whether something would make a good post while the thing is still happening.

Take the picture. Then put your phone away.

I think that's the distinction that actually matters with all of this. If you spend six hours on your phone one day because you're working, talking to friends, reading something interesting and doing things you genuinely care about, I don't know that the number itself tells you very much.

The better question is whether your phone is replacing something you'd rather be doing.

Did you want to read but scroll for an hour instead? Did you want to go to sleep but stay on TikTok until 1:30? Did you want to have a conversation but keep checking notifications? Did you want to watch the movie but somehow spend half of it on Instagram?

That's where I would start paying attention.

And it's closely connected to Why Confidence Comes After Action. The things that make your life feel fuller usually require you to actually do something. Meet the person. Go somewhere. Build something. Work out. Write. Cook. Call your friend. Try something you're bad at.

Scrolling gives you the feeling that you're doing something while asking almost nothing from you.

Real life asks more. It also gives you more back.

And Here’s The Thing

Your phone isn't going anywhere. Neither is Instagram. Neither is TikTok. Neither are group chats, email, notifications or whatever app we're all going to be addicted to five years from now.

So I don't think the answer is trying to create a life where none of it exists. The answer is remembering that your phone is supposed to be something you use inside your life. It isn't supposed to become the place where you spend your life.

“Put your phone down every once in a while and enjoy your life.”

Start with dinner. Start with a walk. Start with the first 20 minutes of your morning. Start by leaving your phone in your pocket when somebody is talking to you.

You don't need to become the most present person in the world tomorrow. You just need to catch yourself in those moments when you're reaching for your phone for absolutely no reason and occasionally decide not to.

Look around instead.

There is probably more happening there than you think.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I stop being on my phone so much?

Start by noticing when you reach for your phone out of habit. Create phone-free moments during meals, walks, dates, or mornings instead of trying to change everything at once.

How can I be more present in everyday life?

Focus on one thing at a time. Put your phone away during conversations, pay attention to your surroundings, and allow yourself to enjoy moments without distractions.

Why do I check my phone even when I have no notifications?

Checking your phone can become an automatic habit. Boredom, stress, or even a few seconds of silence can make you reach for it without thinking.

Should I delete social media to be more present?

Not necessarily. You don't have to delete every app to be more present. Focus on using social media intentionally instead of automatically scrolling whenever you have free time.

What are some easy ways to use my phone less?

Turn off unnecessary notifications, keep your phone away during meals, charge it away from your bed, and take occasional walks without checking it. Small changes can make a big difference.