7 Lessons I Learned About Confidence from Talking to Girls at Bars

Confidence isn’t built in theory. It’s built in real, awkward, slightly uncomfortable moments.
This episode wasn’t about “pickup lines” or “perfect timing.” It was about what happens inside your head before you ever say hi.

And it turns out, that’s where all the lessons live.

1. Confidence Starts Before You Say a Word

“We're so negative about what the outcome is going to be before we even walked up to her. We assume rejection.”

That line hits me every time because it’s true. Most of us talk ourselves out of confidence before we ever open our mouths.
You don’t need to know exactly what to say. You just need to decide to say something.

Confidence is that moment when you stop asking, What if it goes wrong? and start asking, What if it goes right?

2. Keep It Simple

“I always think it's good to start with a compliment.”

Not five. Not a speech. Just one. “Hey, I think you're really cute.”
Simple always wins. The more you rehearse, the less real it sounds.

The best openers aren’t creative, they’re honest. And honest always lands better than clever.

3. Ask Real Questions

“The next thing I would do is ask her a question... as simple as that. Do you live around here? Who are you here with?”

A real question keeps the conversation human. When you ask something genuine, you stop performing and start connecting.

And that’s what confidence really is — connection without performance.

The whole point is to start a conversation, not a scene.

4. Stop Paying for Proof

“You don't need to buy somebody a drink yet. Wait until you know there’s an actual vibe.”

Buying a drink is easy. Reading the room takes confidence.
Real confidence doesn’t need props or proof. It just needs awareness.

Once you know there’s a connection, sure, grab the drink. But don’t lead with it. You don’t owe anyone an opening bid.

5. Check If You’re Interested Too

“You have to also want to continue this conversation.”

That one matters more than most guys realize.
We spend so much energy wondering, Does she like me? that we forget to ask, Do I like her?

Confidence means knowing you have a choice too. You don’t have to stay in a conversation that doesn’t feel right. You don’t owe your attention to anyone who isn’t giving it back.

That mindset makes every approach feel lighter because you remember it’s not about approval. It’s about connection.

6. Rejection Is Just Data

“The worst that happens is they say no.”

That’s it. No catastrophe. No ruined night.
“It’s a speck of dust that you can literally dust away. It’s five minutes of your five-hour night.”

If you treat rejection like information instead of failure, it loses its power.
Every “no” just confirms you were brave enough to try. And that’s the only metric that matters.

7. You Either Know or You Never Know

“I would always rather know than not know.”

That line sums up everything I believe about confidence.
It’s not about being fearless. It’s about being curious. It’s about valuing clarity over comfort.

Every night you walk away instead of walking up, you stay stuck in “maybe.”
Confidence is the decision to find out.

What This All Comes Down To

“I think that’s the coolest part about this thing, that my perspective can change and it can grow and it can evolve.”

That’s what these lessons really are — not rules, but perspective shifts.
Confidence doesn’t come from saying the perfect thing. It comes from saying anything at all and being proud of yourself for trying.

Because the moment you say hi, you’ve already won.