I turned 26 this week, and I think birthdays are one of the only moments in life where you’re forced to stop moving for a second and actually look at yourself honestly.

Not just the highlight real.

The real version.

The version of you that doubted yourself. The version that felt behind. The version that took risks. The version that got hurt. The version that surprised yourself. The version that had moments where you felt completely lost and moments where you felt more certain than ever before.

This past year changed me more than any other year of my life.

I moved. I started living alone for the first time. I changed jobs. I took more risks. I started putting myself out there more. I had moments where I felt incredibly confident and moments where I felt like I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. Somewhere along the way, I also completely lost track of the numbering of these lessons in the episode itself, which honestly feels very fitting for your 20s.

Because your 20s are messy.

Growth is messy.

Becoming someone is messy.

And when I sat down to record this episode, I realized there were 10 ideas I kept coming back to over and over again. Ten lessons that changed the way I think about confidence, relationships, career, anxiety, comparison, and life in general.

These are the 10 biggest lessons I learned at 25.

1. If You Win Four Out of Seven Days, You’ve Won

This might have been the biggest mindset shift of the entire year for me.

I heard someone say that in order to win a playoff series in basketball, you only have to win four out of seven games. And for some reason, that completely changed how I think about life.

“If you win four of the seven days, you’ve won.”

That means you are allowed to have bad days.

You are allowed to feel anxious. You are allowed to feel insecure. You are allowed to feel overwhelmed, lonely, frustrated, or completely in your head sometimes.

That does not mean your life is failing.

One bad day does not equal a bad week. One bad week does not equal a bad year.

I think a lot of us quietly assume that if we’re struggling emotionally for a few days, everything must be falling apart. But that’s not reality.

Sometimes you’re just having a bad Tuesday.

A lot of this also connects to Why Do I Feel Behind In My 20s?, because so much of your 20s is learning that uncertainty is actually a normal part of becoming someone.

2. A Growth Mindset Actually Changes Your Life

I used to think “growth mindset” sounded like one of those overly motivational phrases people throw around online.

Then I realized how true it actually is.

The stories you tell yourself become your reality.

“What you tell yourself is what you start to believe, and that becomes your reality.”

If you constantly tell yourself that things will never get better, that you’re stuck, that your life is behind everyone else’s, eventually your brain starts treating those thoughts like facts.

But the opposite is true too.

If you believe things can improve, if you believe you can change, if you believe you can become more confident, more fulfilled, more capable, you start acting differently. You take more chances. You become more resilient.

According to Stanford research on growth mindset, the way people think about their ability to grow and improve can dramatically affect resilience, motivation, and long-term success.

That shift matters more than people realize.

3. You Can’t Control Everything, But You Can Control How You Handle It

This was a hard lesson for me this year because there were a lot of moments that genuinely knocked me down.

Things didn’t always go the way I wanted them to. Some situations hurt more than I expected. Some things felt completely outside of my control.

But I kept coming back to one idea:

“You can’t choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you react to it.”

I think one of the most exhausting feelings in your 20s is feeling like life is happening to you instead of through you.

You can’t control every wave that hits you. You can’t control rejection, timing, disappointment, or uncertainty.

But you can decide how long you stay underwater.

That realization gave me a lot of my power back this year.

4. Increase Your Surface Area

This was probably the most practical lesson I learned all year.

“You have to put yourself out there to increase your chances.”

I started saying yes to more things this year. More events. More conversations. More opportunities. More uncomfortable rooms. More situations where I felt nervous or unsure of myself.

And honestly, almost every good thing that happened this year came from that.

Not because I suddenly became fearless. I didn’t.

I still felt awkward sometimes. I still walked into rooms wondering if I belonged there. I still had moments where I wanted to look down at my phone instead of introducing myself to someone.

But every time I pushed through that discomfort, something good happened.

A new connection. A new opportunity. A new friendship. A new perspective.

When you stay inside your comfort zone, your life stays small.

When you increase your surface area, your chances increase too.

A lot of this also connects to How To Act Confident When You Don’t Feel It, because confidence usually comes after action, not before it.

5. Nobody Is Going to Do It for You

This is one of those lessons that sounds harsh until you realize how freeing it actually is.

Nobody is going to apply for the job for you.

Nobody is going to force you to go on the date.

Nobody is going to magically make you confident.

Nobody is going to suddenly decide your life should change for you.

You have to do it.

And honestly, I think a lot of us spend years waiting to feel ready before we finally take action.

But confidence usually comes after the action, not before it.

There were so many moments this year where I waited too long to do something because I was nervous, doubtful, or overthinking it. Then I finally did the thing and immediately thought: Why didn’t I just do that sooner?

That happens all the time in life.

6. Build a Network Before You Think You Need One

I think people hear the word “networking” and immediately picture awkward LinkedIn conversations and business cards.

But your network is really just your relationships.

It’s the people you know. The people they know. The people you’ve helped. The people who’ve helped you.

And one thing I realized this year is how important it is to start building relationships before you desperately need something from them.

The internet gives us access to almost anyone now. That’s insane when you really think about it.

You can DM someone whose career you admire. You can email someone for advice. You can ask questions. You can start conversations.

According to LinkedIn career research, networking and relationship-building are still some of the strongest predictors of long-term career opportunities.

That doesn’t mean every conversation becomes life-changing.

But some of them absolutely will.

7. Ask More Questions

I used to think asking questions made me look inexperienced.

Now I think the opposite.

The people who ask thoughtful questions are usually the people paying the closest attention.

“If you have a question, the odds are somebody else has that question too.”

I’ve started asking for more advice this year. More perspective. More recommendations. More second opinions.

And honestly, it’s helped me so much.

Sometimes we think maturity means figuring everything out on your own. But most people are improvising way more than they let on.

Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. It usually makes you smarter.

8. Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Feet

This one became a huge theme for me this year.

“Get out of your head and into your feet. Be where you are.”

I think so many of us spend our 20s mentally living everywhere except the present moment.

We compare ourselves constantly. We worry constantly. We replay conversations. We panic about timelines. We obsess over whether we’re behind.

Meanwhile, life is literally happening around us.

And one of the best things I learned this year was how important it is to actually let yourself live.

Go on the trip. Go out to dinner. Fall in love. Try things. Make mistakes. Spend time with people. Experience your life instead of constantly evaluating it from the outside.

“This is supposed to be fun.”

A lot of this also connects to Is It Normal to Not Know What I Want to Do in My 20s?, because comparison and uncertainty are two of the biggest emotional themes people experience in their 20s.

According to Harvard Health, mindfulness and present-moment awareness can significantly improve mental well-being and reduce stress caused by overthinking.

9. Make Your Head a Better Place to Be

I started spending a lot more time alone this year.

Not isolated. Just intentional.

Walking more. Thinking more. Sitting with myself more. Going places alone sometimes. Learning what actually makes me feel grounded.

And I realized something important:

“It’s so fucking important to like yourself.”

Not in a fake self-love quote way.

In a real way.

Because no matter where your life goes, you still have to live inside your own head every day. And if your internal dialogue is constantly cruel, anxious, negative, or full of comparison, everything becomes harder.

One of the most important projects of your life is learning how to become someone you actually enjoy being around.

Even when nobody else is there.

10. Believe in Yourself. Why the Hell Not?

This was the final lesson of the episode, and honestly, it’s probably the one I want people to remember most.

“Believe in yourself. Why the hell not?”

Seriously.

Why not?

What do you actually have to lose?

“If you fall, you will land right where you already were.”

That line kept staying with me after I recorded the episode because it’s true. Most of the things we’re afraid of are survivable.

Rejection is survivable.

Failure is survivable.

Embarrassment is survivable.

But regret sticks around a lot longer.

I think a lot more people would change their lives if they stopped waiting for certainty first.

Confidence is usually built in motion.

Not beforehand.

And maybe that’s what 25 really taught me.

That nobody fully knows what they’re doing. That growth is uncomfortable. That life gets messy sometimes. That confidence comes and goes. That you can feel both grateful and lost at the same time.

But also that things can change really quickly when you start believing they can.

And honestly?

That feels like a pretty good thing to bring into 26.

FAQ

What are the biggest lessons people learn in their 20s?
Most people learn that confidence comes from action, not certainty. Your 20s are usually less about having everything figured out and more about learning how to handle uncertainty without giving up on yourself.

How do you stop feeling behind in your 20s?
A lot of feeling behind comes from comparison. Most people are more uncertain than they look online, and focusing on your own growth usually creates a much healthier mindset.

What does “increase your surface area” mean?
It means putting yourself in more situations where opportunities can happen. Meeting people, trying new things, taking risks, and putting yourself out there all increase your chances of growth.

Why is gratitude important for mindset?
Gratitude helps shift your focus toward what is already good in your life instead of only focusing on stress or uncertainty. Even writing down three things you’re grateful for every day can change your mindset.

How do you start believing in yourself more?
Usually by taking action before you feel fully ready. Confidence is often built afterward, not beforehand.