Why Do I Feel So Lost in My 20s?

Josh Felgoise (00:00.206)

Welcome to Guy's Set, the guy's guide to what you should be talking about. I'm Josh, I'm 23 years old, and I'm here to find all the tips, advice, and recommendations for guys in their 20s. Let's get into it.

Josh Felgoise (00:18.04)

Hi guys, welcome back to guyset, the guys guide to what should be talked about. It only felt right to end season one with a topic and a conversation that continues to persist for me throughout life after college and throughout my twenties and that is the feeling of feeling lost. And this is, it's not just with one specific thing, it's pretty much with everything. Feeling lost in terms of...

what you're supposed to do or where you're supposed to go or what's next for you or what to do next and and where to go on your path or on your journey just feeling lost in general and if you've been here for a while this isn't a topic that's necessarily new but every time i get back into that same feeling of not knowing where i am or what i'm doing or what i'm supposed to be doing just that feeling of being lost it feels new again

It feels like I didn't feel that way last month, or I don't remember that I felt that way last month, and then the month before, and also that month before again. I forget that I also felt stuck and shitty about where I was or what I was doing, and feeling directionless and kind of just like lost and losing a little bit of hope for what I'm supposed to be doing. And that is something that happens almost every, it happens all the time.

And I'm sure most people, if not everybody listening to this right now, can relate to that feeling of not knowing what you're supposed to do or who you're supposed to be or where you're supposed to go. I find that every time I realize that somebody else is also feeling lost, I feel a little bit more comfortable that I feel lost. And every time I have a conversation with a friend around this topic, I find it so relieving and honestly comforting knowing

that there is somebody else in that with me. Somebody else is feeling that same way. And I've had a conversation with a lot of friends recently who are feeling lost in their job. And when I say lost, I mean not knowing if they should stick it out for another while or change jobs, not knowing if they want to go through the application process and find a new job and all that stuff and just feeling lost in that respect.

Josh Felgoise (02:35.32)

But there's so many different places that you can feel lost, especially at this time in our lives. And I'll get into all that in a second. But those conversations really shaped why I wanted to bring this topic up again, because this is a feeling that has persisted for me throughout these past two years and really hasn't gone away. I mean, it's gone away for a time being, but then it comes back and it feels new and fresh again, as if I just feel lost again. So I think it's important to to remind anybody listening that

I'm feeling that way too. And a lot of other people are feeling, if not everybody, is feeling that way too. And as I said, I find it really comforting knowing that somebody else is in that with me. So that's what I'd like to do for you today. And that specific feeling of being lost and not knowing what my path is has happened a lot in the past year of doing this podcast of what is the purpose of this? Who is gaining from this? What is the value I'm delivering? Am I good enough at this?

And that same feeling happens in my day job. Am I good enough at this? Do I give enough value to the company? Should I, do I deserve a raise? All these things of, do I even want to do this for rest of my life? What do I even want to do next? Where would I go if I wasn't here? And how do I get there? Those are the two specific things that made this episode the final episode of the season, because I wanted to bring it back to the feeling of

We're all kind of just wandering, like nobody has the book or the answers to the questions we have. And my goal here is to try and I don't think I can find them, but I can hopefully provide some tips and solutions or at least be a comforting voice to know that you're not in that alone. And we're all, I don't wanna say we're all in this together, but we are all experiencing some sort of feeling of being lost.

and not knowing our path or what is next for us. And the feeling of being lost and stuck in that is so shitty and there's no good way around it. And I don't foresee it getting so much easier. I don't know that I will find my path. I'll talk about that in a second. I don't know when I'll find what I'm supposed to do or what's right for me or all these things. And I'm saying this in general, not just for me.

Josh Felgoise (04:50.85)

but I don't know if that's supposed to go away yet. You know, like I don't think I'm supposed to have found what's right for me or what I'm supposed to do or where I'm supposed to go or my exact path yet. And to be fully honest with you, I have no idea what I'm doing. Like most of the days I feel like I'm faking it till I make it. And I feel like I'm pretty good at that. But most of the days I don't know what I'm doing or what is my path ahead. One day I feel like I'm really great at my job.

And the date went really well and I ate healthy and I worked out and I felt strong and I journaled and I felt productive and I folded my clothes and I caught up with my family and I made plans with friends. And then suddenly the next day I'm getting reminded of a task that I totally forgot to do at work or something. I completely shit the bed on. I got ghosted after the date. I ate like shit. I was hung over and didn't work out or get to the gym.

I scrolled TikTok and YouTube and didn't get to what I wanted to get done. I left my clothes on the chair and on the floor. I pushed off calling my friends and my family until the next day and I felt like a loser for having no plans. Like those are two very average days that happened to me all the time. One day I feel great and everything is going well in job and relationships with friends, with like body image, with working out, with feeling healthy, with feeling strong, with feeling productive.

And then the next day I feel anxious and I'll wake up upset and tired and feel lonely and feel nervous and anxious that I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm supposed to go or what I'm supposed to do. And those two days happen literally back to back all the time. Like one day I'll feel amazing and the next day I won't. And I want to share that because I believe that will resonate with somebody else. I hope, no, not I hope.

I think somebody else is probably feeling a very similar way. Like one day you're on top of the mountain and the next day you have tumbled all the way back down and you have to work to climb right back up and then you fall right back down again. That happens to me all the time. And my answer to that and how I get back up the mountain when I fall back down to stay with that reference is we don't have to know what we want to do or who we want to be. We are all on our own timeline.

Josh Felgoise (07:09.408)

It's something we forget a lot. There is no path and there is only your path. And that's something that's scary and exhilarating and exciting. There is no path. There is no supposed to be. There is no where I'm supposed to go. It's only where you're going to go or where you decide to go. I'm not even talking about comparing yourself to friends. I'm talking about comparing yourself to the made up idea of who you're supposed to be.

Once we can get past the idea that you're supposed to be somewhere or supposed to be someone or something and stick to the idea that you get to create your path every day and you get to put yourself back on track, it all clicks back again. And I'm saying you and every time I say you on this podcast, I also mean me every time. This is something I need to remember so, so much.

When I get the feeling of I feel lost and I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, I need to remember that there is no supposed to be. There is no who I'm meant to be or what I'm meant to do. It is only what I want to do and what I decide to do with the time I have. You are on your own path. It's truly up to you what you want to do with it. I'm sure most people can relate to what I'm about to say.

But one of the biggest problems I face is feeling like I don't know what I'm supposed to do or feeling like I'm not good enough. And if I can stick to what I know to be true and remember that I'm on my own path, not my older sibling's path, not my parents' path, not my best friend's path, not my co-worker's path, not my acquaintance, not my boss, my own path, it becomes easier when it looks different or when you're feeling lost that it is different because it's supposed to be. It's not supposed to look the same.

And when I start to worry that it's the path is not looking like I wanted it to meaning that it's not the idea of what I thought it should be or where I should be at that time or what I should be doing and I can come back to the idea that there is no right path it becomes easier. There is no right. I'll say that again because I think it's really important. There's no right path. You're only on your own. On the days when I wake up on the wrong side of the bed and

Josh Felgoise (09:28.13)

forget everything and just feel completely lost in my life at 24 years old now and not knowing what I'm supposed to be doing or where I'm supposed to go or what I want to do anyway. And then the days when I wake up on the right side of the bed and remember that I'm going to keep giving it my all and faking it till I make it and try my best. Whether it's those two days that persist back and forth or week to week or month to month or whatever that is for you, when you're on that wrong side.

or the lost side, I won't call it the wrong side, because it's not wrong to feel that way. It's a lost side. So when I'll take it back, when you're on the wrong, sorry, when you're on the lost side versus the found side, you have the power to bring it from feeling lost to found a little bit more by trying by giving your effort by believing in yourself. Really, it's that it's those simple things that can make the difference. You can't grow if you don't bleed. And what I mean by that is you can't change if you don't go through those hard times.

or those times you have to overcome whatever you're going through. You can't change for good if you don't go through change. I don't know about you, but each day presents me with at least one doubt about myself, about what I'm doing, about where I'm going. And when I can get that out of my head and change the channel from doubt to belief and trust myself and know that I'm on my own path and nobody else's and on that path I'm creating for myself, there will be times when I step in dog shit.

There will be times it will rain and storm and there will be times that the birds will chirp at me, but then the sun will come out. I'll pick up my pace. I'll stand up a little bit taller and the birds are still going to chirp. I don't have the answer to feeling lost and I wish I did for myself honestly, but I know I can change the channel in my thoughts from doubt to determination and from anxiety to resilience. And I want to give you that too.

If you're unhappy with your living situation, if you feel like you're bad at your job or dread going into the office, if you want a girlfriend or boyfriend and just can't seem to find someone or the dates aren't going well, whether you resonate with one of those or all of the above, or maybe even have more feelings to add to that list, whether it's with family, with friendships, with relationships, with money, I want you to know that somebody else is feeling at least one of those ways too. Somebody else in their 20s.

Josh Felgoise (11:50.41)

You're not alone in that and that's what this whole thing has been about and will continue to be about. If you wake up tomorrow and feel lost, you don't hold that feeling alone. You don't have to stay that way all day. You can recognize that you felt that way and remember that I'm on my own path. I'm on my own thing. It's supposed to look different. It's supposed to feel different and it's not going to always feel good. And there will be days where it's rocky and shitty and bad. And you'll have to remember that if you don't bleed, you won't grow. If you

don't struggle, you won't change. And those are things that I've grappled with a lot. And I'm sure a lot of people in their twenties are dealing with all the time. And there is nobody really talking about this stuff or that I've found talking about this stuff. And there is no handbook to this. But knowing that somebody else is there with you to me is at least really comforting. And I hope it is to you too. There is no rush to get to a certain place because at the end of the day, what is that place?

It's great to have goals and aspirations. That is what keeps you motivated and what keeps you going and growing. But there is no reason you or I should be always feeling so lost because there is no path. And a lot of the days that path ahead will look like one step at a time because the path is being created as you're going. There is no, there is nothing in front at the moment. And a lot of the time it will feel like there's nothing in front. And that's that feeling of the lost is there's just

a lot of like darkness and you don't know what you're walking into or where you're going. And those days you just have to take it one step at a time and just keep trying and just keep going and just keep doing until you feel like you've gotten to a place where you feel a little bit more found. And I know me saying that will not make you feel like you've been found. But what I can guarantee you is that every week I will come on here and share my very real experiences in hopes that it makes you feel the way I felt in those conversations.

a bit more comforted and a little bit more relieved knowing that somebody else is with you in that too. Thank you so much for listening to guyset, a guy's guide to what should be talked about, and I will see you guys next week for season two.