What No One Tells You About Living on Your Own

Josh Felgoise (00:00.204)

Welcome to Guy's Set, a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh, I'm 24 years old, and I'm here to find all the tips, advice, and recommendations for everything you're wondering about. Let's get into it.

Josh Felgoise (00:17.88)

Hi guys, welcome back to guyset, a guy's guide to what should be talked about. So I was talking to my friend the other day who's moving into a new city after living at home for a while after college. Around the new year he's moving in. And we were talking about the difference of living at home versus living on your own and how kind of like big of a change it is and

what the change is like and what that shift is like and what the major differences are, what the pros and cons are, just all of that. His only experience so far has been living at home after college. And I'm sure there's a lot, not I'm sure, I know there's a lot of people who are very similar and in a similar position to him, who have stayed at home after college for a little while either to save money or just figuring out what they want to do next. And everybody has really different situations after college. And...

His experience so far has been at home and he's now moving out and he's really excited about it. But there's like, there's definitely things that I think he's nervous about or worried about. And we were talking through a lot of them and I wanted to do and dedicate an entire episode to him and anybody who's in that experience right now, who's either moving out after living at home for a little while or just moving to a new city or somewhere new after college. Like this episode is for anybody who's moving somewhere new.

And experiencing a change like that. doesn't have to be if you've lived at home for a while and then you're moving to a new city. can be just anybody moving. I think it's a good episode for anything like that. It's just a new experience. So this is really for everybody, but he inspired this episode and inspired me to think about like what the biggest differences are and have been for me. I think if I did this episode, which I probably did do this episode, like when I moved to New York or when I first started this podcast.

And I'm sure what I said then will be pretty different than what I say now. And I'm sure if I did it a year ago or did it in another year after this, like everything I say may be like slightly different. may have very different ideas or some new insights into, and I hope I do honestly have new insights into living on your own or experiences on your own as time goes on and as I grow up and as I experience new things. So this is the type of episode that I could probably do a bunch of times and have very different things to say.

Josh Felgoise (02:31.634)

and if I have done it already, I think it will be very different than the last time and next time will be different too. and it's like a, it's an ever changing topic and I'll always have, hopefully always have different insights and new things to say on it. So this episode will be all about life on your own or living on your own and the struggles and perks of living independently versus living at home are kind of like the do's and don'ts and I've sectioned it or categorized it into five different sections. The first one is taking care of things.

The second one is time management. The third one is exploring. The fourth one is meeting new people. And then the fifth one is getting to know yourself. So those are the five I will talk about in this episode. Um, and I'm sure last time I did this, I didn't categorize it all. And I was just probably jumping around like, and then another thing I'd like to talk about is brah. So like I've gotten a lot better about, um, at least sectioning my episodes and organizing them. So hopefully this one, uh, if I've done it before, will be a little bit better. This is exactly the type of thing that I would have wanted to hear moving into a new apartment or moving into a new city.

So this will be yours if you if you're in that position right now or if you will be soon this is for you. So the first one is taking care of things and the first thing that has come up for me in that topic is last week's episode I talked about a radiator leak that was going on as I was talking and doing this episode and I had to get up and like I spun something on the radiator and it started piss-pouring out more water. So I I'm not very handy and I've never been very handy but I've had to

get a little better at it as I've lived on my own. live with two other people. live with two roommates, but I think this episode applies to any situation. If you're literally on your own or even if you have roommates like at one point or another and for a long time, you will be, it will be just you. Like right now, my roommates both aren't home. So I'm on my own right now. So at some point in your experience while you're living out of home and after college, you will be on your own. So,

That radiator leak like that's a really great example of something that I was like, what the fuck do I do right now? So I obviously knew something to do. So I put a bowl under the leak and that caught some of the water, but like it started filling up very quickly. So I emailed my landlord. And if you have, if you're in an apartment building or if you have like a landlord or somebody that you, you email or have like one of those sheets they give you or an email that says like, these are the people you should call for everything. Make sure you have that number handy because you will most likely need to use it.

Josh Felgoise (04:54.27)

One-time or a thousand if you're me like my shower broke that it was there was cold water for like a week The door fell off the shower My lights in my room stopped working and they didn't work for like two weeks and I didn't really I like I got new light bulbs I went out to the store but like the actual like electric circuit was broken So my room was I was powerless for like two weeks The washing machine has flooded the sink has clogged

We've had mice, we've had, not like rats, don't worry, like little mice. We named him Timothy Chalamet. He ran around for like one day. We don't know where he went. So he's, it was like two years ago. What else has happened in this apartment that I can think of? We had a leak. So like our shower was leaking into the apartment below us so we couldn't use it for like three days. I've probably, I've broken lots of things. I've...

Uh, there's, so many different things that have, mean, I've left you for like two and a half years now. So like, Oh, one of my roommates left, um, the stove on overnight. So we all could have died one night. So don't do that. Make sure your stove is off. Like there's a lot of little things that you don't think about when you're, when you don't live on your own, like when, when you're in your parents' house or when you're in college, like stuff just magically and miraculously gets fixed and figured out and you're like, Oh, okay, cool. Thanks. But now that you're on your own, like.

This is all, it's all up to you. So if the radiator is leaking and it continues to leak and you don't email your landlord and follow up and follow up again, if they don't get back to you, like it will keep leaking. Like it will, it won't get fixed. So, if your shower is broken and the door falls off the shower as ours did, and you don't email somebody or trying get like somebody on your own to come in and fix it, it won't get fixed. like, there's a lot of things like that, that taking care of things and

having to do things on your own that you probably haven't had to think about until now. a lot of us, I'm very fortunate that I haven't had to deal with a lot of things like that on my own. Cleaning is another really big one. If you don't clean your apartment, shocker, it literally won't get cleaned. So if you don't take the trash out, no one's going to take the trash out. Like that's probably the biggest thing with my roommates that annoys me the most is that like, and it's, think it's all of us. Like I'm a big

Josh Felgoise (07:17.742)

not victim victim sometimes but what's the word like What's the opposite of victim? I don't know but that that word I'll do it sometimes too like we won't take the trash out It's very it's a very simple thing and the trash will start to smell if you don't take it out and if you put raw chicken in it and raw meat and like Raw shit it will smell and also there's no in New York at least there's no Disp garbage disposal. So like we have to throw raw food out in there because it

There's nowhere else for it to go. And that's like a very common thing, but like taking the trash out. Very simple. cleaning the sink. Very simple. Like cleaning the apartment, sweeping, changing your sheets. Another great one. If you don't do that, they won't get changed. So there's a lot of things that if you don't do it, it won't happen. And I think that's the biggest thing that you will learn pretty quickly into living on your own is that if you don't do it, it won't get done. and a lot of little things add up to.

a lot of responsibility pretty quickly and it feels really overwhelming when there's a lot of different things that you have to do and you have like a checklist of 10 things that you still haven't done and you're supposed to do yesterday or the day before. So getting on top of that and you'll find your groove and you'll figure out your way to do it all and if you live with people you'll figure out who does what and when to do it and how you deal with it with them but.

Most of the time like it is up to you like it's up to you to get new light bulbs when your light bulb goes out It's up to you to do a lot of different things that you really don't have to think about when you're not living on your own So that's probably one of the biggest changes is you have to do things like you have to get it done to get it done And this also combines with like expenses so when you're living at home or not on your own You don't worry about like buying new toilet paper or buying paper towels or dryer sheets or laundry detergent or Tide Pods or all those little things that like can be really expensive so

Make sure you incorporate that into your budget if you're somebody who likes to budget or just incorporate that into like what you're going to have to spend living on your own. It's not just going out and drinking all the time. Like you also have to buy Tide Pods and paper towels and toilet paper and like that shit's more expensive than you think it will be. And a lot of cleaning supplies like Lysol wipes and spray and sink cleaner and shower cleaner and toilet wands and like all these like things that will not get replenished unless you buy it again. So

Josh Felgoise (09:34.294)

Stuff like that that you don't have to think about when you're on your when you're living at home verse on your own and it adds up pretty quickly. So so make sure you attribute attribute that into your expenses and into your like however you keep that and think about that changing your sheets. I mentioned that if you're living on your own for the first time now, I highly recommend changing your sheets at least at least at least once a month. Like, please, we can all do at least once a month. Like that's 12 different sheets for a year. Like that's

We need we should be doing a little bit more than that but at the very bare minimum once a month like please don't be the person that doesn't do it once a month especially if you're having sleepovers wink wink like Change your sheets. I think like I don't know. I I personally really like changing my sheets every other week So two weeks I think is a good I hope that's not gross I like to do two weeks two weeks and then like the middle ground or those two three weeks I think it's a very it's a long time, especially if you're not showering at night and you're like sweaty and like a gross like we're

Guys were gross like so just change your sheets more often than you think you need to and have At least two sheet sets. I would say is really good So have the one that you use and then when you put that in the wash to have the other one ready to go So have two sheet sets so you don't have to like be worried about if it's dry or not by the time you want to go to bed to have two sheet sets Three is great, but have to at least Towels have more than you think I think I definitely use my towel

More than once more than twice probably three times at least and if it's like soaking wet, obviously I'll I'll I'll wash it and not use it again but I think I use my towel a couple times before I am done with it so have at least like Four towels, I would say three or four towels is a good number. Maybe more Okay, that's on towels on sheets change your sheets, please laundry and folding things I don't know if you have laundry in your unit if you're in an apartment if you're in a house I don't know where your laundry is. You have to go on the street and

take it to a laundry, laundromat, laundry unit, laundromat, laundromat. I would say my biggest tip and biggest piece of advice that I don't follow, but it's something I'm really working on following, is folding your laundry right when it's done. I am a big proponent of the pile. I will pile things until the pile is like at my fucking roof, at the ceiling of my room, and I have to fold it because there's so many clothes and it looks like a mountain of clothing. I recently posted a video on TikTok and someone was like.

Josh Felgoise (11:58.316)

What is that mountain of clothes behind you? I was like, that's actually really bad to look at So fold your things when you're done with it and getting that habit and get yourself in the habit it's a really good habit to be in and it just makes you feel a lot more productive and a lot more like successful when you actually like complete the whole task so when you Do the wash then you dry it or you hang your clothes then you fold them after and put them away like it's just very nice to be done with it all and have it all done Again, I don't do that. I'm really working on that. But currently right now I have a pile of shit in my room. That is

I don't know if it's dirty or clean and then you fall into that trap too. You're like, well, is it dirty? Is it clean? Should I rewash it? And my roommate, my roommate and I are told me to drag him into this, but like we're both very similar. Like we both are like, this is, this could be both. So now we have to rewash everything again. So big tip is to like get that whole task done. So you don't have to do it later and you don't push it off. Cause it's something that when you push off, then you add another whole pile on it on top and you're just like in a bad cycle. So, do the whole task. Same with sheets. When you go to take your sheets off to go wash them.

Put the new set on immediately so you don't have to come back later at night when it's like when you're out late and you're like, oh fuck, I didn't put sheets on and you sleep on top of your mattress cover with like a blanket and you're just like shivering at night. Put the sheets on then so you don't have to do it later. It's just like very simple things like that that I would like to be told to do that I don't always do but I'm working on getting better at, stuff like that. Same with when you're like almost out of toilet paper.

If you see that the roles your supply of roles is dwindling down and like there's one or two left Soon, that will be one left and soon that will be none left So don't fall in this spot where you're like, fuck we are out of toilet paper and we have nothing left Make sure to buy or like set up like a monthly reoccurring monthly ever to every two month type of thing where like you have toilet papers toilet paper toilet paper and paper towels

On like a recurring thing or you just know who's buying it or when you're buying it every other month or every we run through paper towels and toilet paper like it is our job maybe toilet paper less so than paper towels that makes us sound like we all shit a lot but like yeah, we're humans So just make sure you have enough supply of everything same with laundry detergent and dryer sheets I'm trying to think other things soap soap hand soap a very simple thing that we Seem to run out of very quickly. It's a good thing that we're washing our hands. Honestly shockingly

Josh Felgoise (14:13.934)

So that's another thing that like I'm out of the hands of my bathroom right now So I took the one from the kitchen and now that's in my bathroom and now I'm out of hand soap in the kitchen I have to go out and get more hand soap very simple things and I could just Amazon or instacart it but like I just haven't done it yet So, don't know make a list or figure out what the things are that you need Maybe you have a pen and paper out right now and you're down all these things that'd be awesome make a list of like what the recurring things you need are and Make sure you just like

have them again and again. And also like put them into your budget and into your expenses because that that shit as I said adds up. What else? Well, this has been a long one. Tissues, another really good one. I have had a runny nose if you I don't know if you can hear it or not, but I've had a runny nose and like a stuffy nose for the past week and a half. And at home, I feel like my mom has tissues like everywhere like at on in my room and like the living room in the kitchen. Like there's tissues everywhere you turn. So if you there's they're never too far from you, which is such a nice thing to have around the house.

If you come into my apartment, you can't find tissues to save your life. So I have been using my, I've been blowing my nose on like paper towels and like toilet paper and like whatever I can find. But like how nice would it be if I could just have tissues? That's something also something that like would be very simple and I could buy, but I don't. And I feel like a of people don't do. So I will be going to do that when I get the hand soap as well, maybe later today. but tissues, another one in that category. so I think that's most of the things I've, I don't know. I've talked about a couple of different products, but like taking care of things, like when lights go out, when there's leaks, when there's, when stuff's broken.

You this all falls on to you now and you now have a lot more responsibilities for taking care of a place and not just yourself You now have two big responsibilities I would say one you have to take care of yourself and you to make sure that you're good and you're getting to the place that you're supposed to get to on time and you're working and you're making money and like Balancing life and relationships and happiness and figuring all that out which will get too soon but you also have to take care of a place that you live and like you want to make sure it's clean and you're and it you're living in like a very clean environment and Shit won't get done unless you do it.

I think that's probably the biggest change from living like at home to living on your own is that you have to take care of a lot of stuff now. So take stock of the things that make your life easier at home and just bring them with you and take them with you to your new life. You're like your new life living on your own. Simple things just but simple things add up to a lot of simple things and get overwhelming. So try your best but like you'll fall into a rhythm and you'll fall into a place or you won't and like you'll run out of hand soap like I just did and it's been two and a half years.

Josh Felgoise (16:42.52)

But like that's a human experience and you'll get to where you need to go and you'll figure out what you need and you'll get there. But knowing some of these things before I think would probably be helpful and hopefully will be helpful. OK, the next category and the next thing I want to talk about is time management. Another thing about living on your own is you now have so much freedom to do things on your own and it really is up to you what you do like.

This is everything that we like we say a lot or we hear said a lot that like the world is your oyster like you can really do whatever you want like time is yours to spend it however you want to spend it and that is true like as crazy as it sounds it really is up to you how you spend your time and you now have so much freedom to do whatever you want to do and that should be something that's very very exciting for you but will also probably most likely feel very overwhelming like what am I supposed to do what do I how do I know what I'm supposed to do or how do I know what I'm I even want to do like

How am I supposed to know all of those things? And you're not supposed to, you're not supposed to know any of that. And that's kind of the best part about this now is it really is up to you and you will spend some days being like, fuck, I really wish I did all those things I wanted to do and now it feels like it's 5 p.m. and I didn't do anything, I just wasted the entire day. And those days will happen and like those days happen a lot and that's totally okay. And then there will be days where you're like, I wanna do this, this and this and you'll actually do it all and be like, wow, that felt amazing, I wanna do that every single day.

And that's not always the case, and that's not always possible. And both of those things are completely okay. Like, it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed about how much time you have on your own. Like, that's exciting, and it's also very overwhelming. Like, fuck, why didn't I do the things I wanted to do in that time that I had on my own? And why did it feel like that wasn't my own time, too? Like, those things are all very valid and very normal and all experiences that I've had in the past year.

And then there will be days where you're like, wow, I just did everything I wanted to do and that felt amazing. And I want to that all the time. And that's not always possible, but like on the days that it is, it's amazing when you, when you get to do that. I don't know if that made any sense or that just sounded like a big fat word salad, but I will try to elaborate on it and make that make more sense. It's amazing how much time you have on your own. And it's also very scary. And something that I'm very bad at and I'm working on is like.

Josh Felgoise (18:53.934)

prepping dinner and making dinner on my own. I really want to get better at cooking and having the time to do it. But every time I go to cook, like it feels like I have to go food shopping and then I spend a lot of time doing that. And then I set up and I prep and it's like a lot of time with that. And then I cook and then I eat it. And I was like, that was all for like a 20 minute meal. And then I had to clean it all up and I have to put in the dishwasher. I'm like, actually now it's nine p.m. and now the night is over. And like, it just feels like that takes my entire night whenever I do cook and I'm

trying to work on that, like that form of time management when it comes to like dinner and cooking. And I know some people like to meal prep and do that on Sunday and like prep a bunch of different meals throughout the week. I don't know. Personally, I'm not good at that because I have very different like moods and what I'm, what I want and what I'm craving for that night or what I want to have. Or something will come up and I end up going out or something like that. So I'm not great at meal prepping, but I do want to get better at time management when it comes to making dinner.

because I feel like I spend a lot of time prepping and then cleaning up for a meal that ends up being like 15 minutes in front of the TV. And I was like, okay, well that happened. And there goes my night. So I'm working on that. That's like a piece of time management. But like a big part of time management is cooking because you're gonna be making a lot of dinner on your own and making a lot of meals on your own and eating a lot on your own too, especially now that you're living on your own.

Which makes complete sense and that shouldn't overwhelm you or it shouldn't scare you but it's something that like you now have to do on your own. It's new, it's like a very new thing to have to do this on your own, figure out what you're gonna have for dinner every night because before when we lived at home, either like our mom or our dad usually figured that out for us or when they weren't home we like ordered in or we ordered in as a family. Like it was just always like figured out together and it wasn't our responsibility to have to figure out what we're having for dinner.

And it is now fully your responsibility to figure out what you're going to have for dinner tonight or what you're having for lunch or breakfast or like your responsibility to figure out what you're eating all day. And it's up to you what you eat and how you eat it and when you eat and like the time is all yours to figure out and the best time for you and when you want to schedule that or when you want to go out or when you want to cook and how you want to budget and how you want to spend your money and all those things are all really now up to you. And like there's been a lot of times where I've I've ended up like

Josh Felgoise (21:07.086)

throwing away like a piece of chicken that I bought and I didn't end up cooking and like that was kind of disappointing. So I'm, I'm figuring out how to plan that better. And I think it should be kind of calming for you that someone who's in my position, um, I'm not, I'm, I'm one person, so I'm just giving you my, you know, um, but it should be kind of like, okay. Like he hasn't figured it out yet and he's been on his own now for like two and a half years. And that may be embarrassing for me to say, but like that should be calming for you to be like,

Or should be like, I don't know, what's the word? Like make you feel less nervous that like, okay, he doesn't have it figured out either. And I'm speaking, now I'm speaking in third person about myself. Like I don't have it figured out either. I still don't have it figured out and I don't know when I will. I'm still working on it. I'm still working on figuring out how to make it all work for me and how to manage my time and be efficient in doing all the things I wanna do. I'm still making that work and I'm still figuring it out as I go. So it should.

feel it should make you feel less nervous knowing that like I'm in that same boat still and I don't know maybe that makes you feel even more overwhelmed that you're like fuck man now in two and a half years I'm not gonna figure it either like no I don't want that to be the case I want it to be like okay we're all still figuring it out like we're all still in this same boat in our early 20s of we have to figure it out and we and the cool part about it is like we get to figure it out it's not that if you don't next week or next month or next year

That it you failed like you didn't fail and you'll figure it out like you will figure out what works for you and make it work that's the kind of best part about all of this is that like Time management if you if you don't manage your time that well, okay You didn't do well on it last week like you didn't manage your time well and you ended up wasting more time than you wanted to and not cooking great meals or just like spending all your time cleaning up and preparing and you wasted a thing of chicken and you did all these things that like you're annoyed at yourself for disappointed in and like

You didn't manage the time you wanted to and you didn't do the thing you set out to do. Okay, like fucking sucks. So try again. You get to try again and you try again and again and again and you get to figure out what works for you and you still get to figure it out. And that's kind of the coolest part about living on your own is like, it's up to you to figure it out, but it's also up to you like how annoyed at yourself you get or how frustrated you get it not figuring it out. And the process, I said this in the last week's, in last week's episode, like the process of figuring it out and figuring out what works for you and just.

Josh Felgoise (23:29.112)

I don't know, getting things to work for you. The process of figuring out what works for you is always the best part. It's always better than being like, all right, I've actually now figured it out. Like having to work through those different times if it didn't work and like dealing with the consequences of that and dealing with how you felt after it and getting over that and getting through that is always the biggest like self-development part. And that's always the part where you get to know yourself the best and figure out you and learn more about you and learn more about yourself.

much more than the part where you actually figure it out. look at that time where you're not doing it right, quote unquote, or like it doesn't feel like you're doing it right, or you feel like you're completely failing and messing up again and again. Look at that time as like, all right, I'm making it work. I'm still, I still had dinner tonight. it may have taken me four hours to make a meal and it may have sucked, it may have tasted really bad and my chicken may have been like fucking rubber.

but I still made myself dinner and I'm getting there and I'm working through it and I'm figuring out what works for me and I'm figuring out my life. Like there's no handbook for all of this. There's no guidebook for like what to do. I mean, you can use chat GBT, but like there's no, uh, like there's no, here's what to do to make you feel like you will be successful or here's what to do to be productive or here's how to manage your time. Well, and I'm sure there are, I'm sure there are books and podcasts and stuff like that that will tell you all of that, but I'm here to tell you that like,

It won't always work the way you want it to and it will feel like you're completely flopping a lot of the time and that's completely okay. And you will get out of that flop period and you'll, you'll figure out the best way through and you'll get there and then you'll probably flop again when you move and when you figure out the next thing in your next phase of your life, there's always these different phases that will always have to figure our way through. And the part through is where you get to learn the most about yourself. So just don't worry so much about.

having to make it all work or making it all work so quickly. You will at some point soon. And I'm here to tell you that I haven't, I haven't even yet. So just try to worry less about all of that because you should know that everybody in their early twenties is really in a very similar place. And we're all like, yeah, like we had dinner last night. It may not have been great, but like, yeah, we did it. Like we're making it work. We're, we're still here to tell the tale. I'm here to tell you that we are making it work. The next one is about exploring.

Josh Felgoise (25:51.198)

And as I said, like this time is completely yours to do what you want with it. And that's really one of the best parts about living on your own. If there's a time in the day or something that like I want to do, like there's nobody holding me back from doing that. Like it's up to me to go do that. If I'm feeling like I've been in my apartment all day and I'm overwhelmed and I'm anxious, I'll just go outside and go take a walk. Even if it's like late at night and just be like, yeah, this is great. Like it's completely up to me. I can do what I want to do and free will in its finest. You can really do the things you want to go do.

And if you want to go see a new spot in the city or go try a new restaurant, you can go say like text a friend and be like, Hey, do you want to go try this with me or Hey, do you to see this show or Hey, do you want to go see this movie or just like there's no more homework and there's no more school nights now like Monday through Sunday, like those are your nights to do what you want to do with as long you're getting enough sleep, which I don't, but as long you're getting like enough sleep and I'm saying that like very hypocritically, um, and getting the stuff done as I'll rephrase it, as long as you're getting done, the things you want to get done and getting like,

your shit done you can really the time is yours to go do with it what you want to do so if you want to go on a date on a monday night you can go to go on a date on monday night like it's not my favorite date day for a date but if you want to do that like the world's your oyster you can go do that if you want to go hang out with your friends on tuesday night till 2 a.m like you could i mean again these aren't like recommendations are like the best things to do but like i'm i'm just i guess this isn't a great way to if you want to go

on a date on a random weeknight, you can go do that. If you want to go hang out with your friends on a random weeknight and go try a new restaurant or go see a show or go watch a movie or like go do whatever you want to do, you can go do that. Like it's up to you to figure out what you want to do with your time throughout the week. And yeah, like it's up to you. So it's, it's like the kind of the best part about it and getting to explore a new city and going to explore your new places and finding your spots, finding your own spots and finding the places that you want to go frequent and go to again and again is one of the most exciting.

things about moving to a new city or going to live on your own and finding the places that you're like, this is my spot and I want to go, like this is my sandwich place and like, this is the place I go to for drinks. This is the bar I go to all the time and like having your places is really, really exciting and amazing. And like, you should be so excited about living on your own. And I know I've focused lot about like the things you should worry about or the things that you should do or don't do and like, I don't know, buy toilet paper and buy all these different things, but like you should be so excited about living on your own. And that's what I want to emphasize in this section is that like,

Josh Felgoise (28:09.698)

Getting to live on our own is one of the most exciting parts about being young and being in your early twenties and like the opportunity to just be on your own is so amazing and you should be so excited about it. living on your own in your twenties is so much fun and you should be excited about it and you should look for all the fun times and this episode I guess is more so about like here are the things to look out for and be ready for. But

the exploring part and finding your spots and meeting new people and like trying new things is one of the best parts about it. explore, explore, explore, explore as much as you can go out, go do things you haven't done before and go try new food and go meet new people and do all the things that like you want to do because we don't, only have this time once. We only have like our young twenties once. And sure, we have a lot of new responsibilities that we didn't have before.

and a lot of new things that we now have to do, like, you know, as I've talked about a lot. But this time, you should focus on getting to know yourself and going out and hanging out with your friends and spending a lot of time with them and going on a lot of dates and meeting new people and walking around on your own and figuring out what you like and who you are and all those really great things you now have the opportunity to do that you're on your own that you may not have had.

living at home or living before that you do now. Like this, this grants you, and this kind of gifts you such an amazing time in your life that you now get to spend so much time on your own. And that may sound daunting and that may sound nerve wracking and anxiety inducing, but you get to spend so much time on your own where you now get to figure out who you are and what you like and who you like and what you want to do and, and kind of who you want to be. And this

This gives you that time to do that. And it's not, it's not like, I have a week to figure that out or every month to figure that out or every year to figure that out. Like you have a lot of time to figure that out. So use that time and, and spend it doing all of those things. I recommend making a list of like five to 10 things that you want to do in the next month. So if you're moving now, if you're in that period where like it's, I don't know, let's just, let's just say you're, moving in a week, make a list of five to 10 things that you want to do in the first month of living on your own.

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that you want to check off and like make it a checklist and you can literally check it off, whether it's on your notes app or on a real piece of paper and check it off. Like try a new restaurant, meet someone new, go on a date, go get drinks somewhere, try a new bar, go to the movies, go see a show, like all these different things that you now get to do. So make a checklist and check those things off as you go and add something new every other month or make a new list of five things every other month and just like keep it fresh and keep it exciting and

Keep having things that you look forward to do. I think that's one of the best parts of living on your own is there's so much to look forward to and there's so much to do. So don't get overwhelmed by all of it, but, make sure you get to do the things you actually want to try and try things you want to try. Like go, go actually do it. I think one of the best ways to find new things to do is like going to like Instagram or Tik Tok and searching, like let's say you live in Philly. I'll just take Philly for example, and searching like Philly things to do or explore Philly and like finding all the things that

Philly has to offer Philadelphia if you don't know Philly Philly has to offer and Writing them down on that list and going to try new places or sending them to a friend on Instagram There's always something to do so don't get overwhelmed by that But just like keep looking forward to getting to do it soon So if you didn't get to do it this week or this month Add it to your checklist for next week and add it to the things or you can call it like things you want to do I think that's what I'll call instead of a checklist like things I want to do this month and Say five things each month that you want to get to do

And maybe let's get dinner with like a new coworker or go on another date or find a hinge date or whatever it is. Like just keep having things that you're excited about and looking forward to. So you're not overwhelmed by the endless possibilities of what you can do. And you actually have set a couple of things you want to try and a couple of things you want to do and that you're excited about. So I would say that's probably the best way to start exploring your new city. And I'll actually add even like before that.

Explore around you first. like make sure that you try the restaurants on your block or on your street or around you and buy you and you get to like see all the shops and see all the people and like get to know all the faces that will be around you and you're going to be living around for at least the next year and that you start to find your spots or give yourself the opportunity to find your spots early on so you know what's around you and I think that's probably the best way to feel most comfortable with where you are is just exploring your

Josh Felgoise (32:53.858)

Like what's around you and in your vicinity first and then moving out from there and doing the rest of that like things you want to do checklist. So that's about exploring. And then the next two, I'm sorry, this is getting really long unintentionally, but I'm, have obviously lot to say about this. I think one of the most nerve wracking things about moving to a new place and just moving in general is meeting new people. And I did the whole episode on this with my friend Adam, who I called into the episode. was, it was like a phone, a friend episode much earlier on. I'll figure out which number that was and I'll put it in the show notes.

But he no, let me just find it right now. Hold on I'll search for his name on Spotify because he's never been on any other podcast. So Episode 21 it's called how to make friends in a new city featuring Adam Graf October 24th, 2023. Oh, wow over a year ago. That's that's really fucking crazy He lives on his own with one other person in a city that like he wasn't that really excited about I think he lived in Delaware and for his job and that's where he moved after college and

He really made the most of it and figured out how to meet new people and go to bars and talk to people and find new friends. And we talked about different running clubs and clubs that exist around your city and ways to meet people and getting drinks with coworkers and meeting your coworkers and all those different things. So I highly recommend going back and listening to that episode. There was a lot of good insights in there from somebody who was actually experiencing it for the first time on his own. Similar to this episode, that gives a lot of really good insights into what his life was like.

Um, but I think one of the easiest ways to meet new people is meeting the coworkers around you and actually making a sincere effort with them. So whether it's like having coffee chats with the people that you work with, I really don't think it's that weird to ask for somebody's number. Like even if it's just like somebody that you want to become friends with, it doesn't have to be someone that you're interested in to date, to get someone's number. And I really don't think it's weird to be like, Hey, would you want to grab drinks after work on Wednesday or Thursday? Or, Hey, would you want to hang out after Thursday and go grab some food or something?

I think that's one of the best ways to meet new people and I became really close friends with a couple of my coworkers from my last job that I'm still really good friends with. I'm going to a concert with one of them tonight. So you never know who you're gonna meet at work and I think it's one of the easiest ways to meet people because they're literally right there with you and you're spending all day every day with them. So start there and then go from there but that's probably the first and my quickest piece of advice about meeting new people in a new city. But it's nerve wracking and it's like...

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It's not something that everybody's like programmed to do to just go talk to somebody and like I remember the the kid that I'm going to this concert with tonight who I've become really good friends with the first time that we met I felt a little awkward. I was like, hey, how are you? I was like, what's up? Like, nice to meet you. And I would I definitely initiated the conversation and like we were like some of the only young people at the company at that time or at least in the New York office at that time. And I kind of use that to my advantage. And I was kind of like, oh, like we seem like we're the only like young 20 year olds here like

we should get drinks or something. We should get like dinner and go hang out and we ended up going out with a bunch of us and going to get drinks and it became really great and we had like a group of people that we would go to like happy hours with and became like a friend group and then I invited them to all to my like my birthday party and stuff like that. So you really never know. So I would say start there and then listen to the episode with Adam and I'll think of some more tips about that as well. But of course like social anxiety exists and

It's nerve wracking to meet new people and go up and like shoot your shot with new friends. And it literally is like shooting your shot, but you, you try. Like there's no, there's no harm in trying. The worst that happens is they say they're not free. And that's that. Like just try. I would say shoot your shot with a bunch of different people and dating and in friends and just see what happens. Like this is the time to do it and the time to put yourself out there and just explore and meet new people and do all those things. Like that's the best part about this. And then the last section of this episode is getting to know yourself.

And living on your own and being independent now allows you to, as I kinda said earlier, like learn so much more about yourself. And you should be so excited about that. You should be excited about the idea of getting to spend a lot of time on your own. That shouldn't be something that's daunting and that shouldn't be something that you're like, fuck, now I have to figure out who I am and what I... I'll go back. I'm not, sorry, I'm gonna go back. I'm not gonna say you shouldn't be, because you totally can be and I...

definitely was too and I think everybody actually is. Let me renege most of what I just said. It's very, very, very normal to feel nervous and anxious about spending so much time on your own. I will say that it comes with time that you really figure out like you and you get to know yourself a lot better and that really does come with time. And I don't think I was always somebody who was really great at spending time on my own. I would say like in college, I spent most if not every single minute with other people around me and hanging out with friends and I was just always surrounded by friends.

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And that's the biggest shift I will say after college and living on your own is that there is so much downtime and there is so much time that it is just you and you on your own and shifting your mindset into being okay with how much time you're spending on your own and how you want to spend that time on your own and being excited about that is probably the number one thing that we all have to work through living on our own. As the episode title says, and as I've said a hundred times in this episode, living on your own, like you're on your own.

And that's great and exhilarating and exciting, also extremely anxiety inducing and nerve wracking and, just like overwhelming. and anytime you feel that way, like I want you to come back here because I'm, I'm, I'll be here every single week talking through that with you. that's kind of the whole point of this and experiencing that alongside you and

I don't have all the answers. don't have the do's and don'ts. As I said, the beginning of, of what to do for living on your own. just have what I've learned so far. And maybe I'll do a followup episode with this from other people's advice, because I I'd love to hear what my, what my friends think of this and what people think about this episode. And I want to hear everything they have to say too, because I could always use more advice on this and I could always use more insight and more recommendations for this topic, because it's something that

I will always be learning more about and it's something that you should always you will not should sorry. You will also probably be learning more about as you go and as you grow and that's something that like we'll all just be working through from our early 20s through our late 20s through early 30s. I don't even know when this ever ends. It doesn't. Hopefully it doesn't because it doesn't need to. You shouldn't lose that kind of enthusiasm but also overwhelm slash anxiety about it because that just means that we're living and that means that we're

still doing something right and, that we're feeling and we're going through it because we are, and that's it. Like that's, that's ultimately it. Like no one knows how to do this right. There is no right way to do it. There is no wrong way to do it. Like you just do it and you just figure out what works best for you and you keep learning and you keep growing through it. and if you're, if this is your first time on your own and this is your first time living on your own, I'm really excited for you, honestly. Like I think this is one of the best times in our lives and,

Josh Felgoise (39:55.072)

I think that the opportunity to get to know yourself and get to meet new people and go try new things and date and put yourself out there and try new things and try new food and go take long walks and start a podcast. No, work and change jobs and all of this, like the living on your own to figuring out how much laundry detergent you're supposed to put in the laundry machine to how to change a light bulb to

meeting new people to asking a girl out on a date to asking a co-worker to go get drinks with you to changing jobs to quitting to being fired to Buying clothes and figuring out your style to figuring out if you should be washing your face at night to How to cook how to make dinner how to prep for dinner how to clean the kitchen properly how to change your sheets? Better how to do all these different things like this is all the stuff that we get to do and get to work through

And you're gonna learn so much about yourself through this experience and I wish you nothing but the best because you're gonna figure it out just as I continue to do and the next guy does the next guy does and we'll all just figure it out as we go. Thank you so much for listening to I Said It Guys guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh. I'm 24 years old and I'm here to find all the tips advice and recommendations for what should be talked about for guys in their 20s. If you like this podcast or the other day, please like subscribe and give this podcast five stars in the review. That's one two three four five stars the top of the page one two three four five again the fifth one not the fourth one or the third one of the definitely not the first one.

And leave a review. Thank you so much. If you have anything we talked about that should be talked about for guys in their 20s, send it to my email or my DMs. It's josh at guys at.com j o s h at gu i s e t.com or to my dms at the guys at th e g u i s e t. This podcast is also available on Spotify, Apple Music, Apple, not music. This podcast is also available on Spotify, Apple podcasts, all the different things, Amazon, like there's a million different places for it. You can find me anywhere. You can listen to podcasts, follow me on Instagram at the guys set.

A bunch of different things guys that style guys that toolkit like there's a bunch of different accounts I'm working on really excited about thank you so much Listen guys that a guy's guide to what should be talked about I really genuinely appreciate you listening and I would love your recommendations and your thoughts on this episode and what you do living on your own and things that I missed and anything that you want to add into this because I think it'd be really beneficial for me and anybody listening so please please share all your thoughts with me there's a million ways to reach me and Yeah, thank you so much listen again, and I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys