What Good Will Hunting Taught Me About Being a Guy

Josh Felgoise (00:00.226)

Welcome to Guy's Set, a guy's guide to what should we talk about. I'm Josh, I'm 24 years old, and I'm here to find all the tips, advice, and recommendations for everything you're wondering about. Let's get into it.

Josh Felgoise (00:17.87)

Hi guys, welcome back to guys set a guy's guide to what should be talked about I've never done this type of episode before but once in a while something comes along that impacts you so deeply that like you just have to tell your people about it and That for me is the movie Goodwill hunting like not me acting like I just discovered this movie because it's been out for I Over 20 years. I think it's 1997. That's not the right math. Maybe less than 20 20 years. Maybe that is oh my god When did it come out?

but not for 27 years. So over 20 years is the correct assumption. Well done, Josh. But I just watched it for the first time and it actually like deeply impacted me. I don't know the last time I've watched a movie that like I felt so connected to and understood by and understood the characters through and just like felt such an emotional connection to like I don't know the last time I've felt that way watching a movie sitting there laying there the entire time and I

Genuinely believe that this is a movie that every single young guy should watch young meaning like early 20s not like I don't think I would have connected with it as Much as I did had I watched it before and I'll talk about that in a second But I genuinely believe this is a movie that every young guy in their 20s should watch and that is why I'm dedicating an entire episode to this movie because it was so So special and so important. So First and foremost, I kind of can't believe that I've never seen it before

And then I've just never watched it before I think it was just one of those movies where I was like yeah, like good will hunting is like it's like one of the best movies of all time like everyone loves it like it's chalked up to be this like everyone just fucking loves it like I kind of you know, like Everyone kind of glazes this movie and I've just just like chalked it up to like one of those like Shawshank Redemption and one of the movies that everybody just loves and it's a classic but people love things for a reason like things are popular for a reason so I can't believe I've and I never watched it until now, but I also

I I watched it when I was supposed to find it and I found it when I could most understand it and that is why I think I related to it so deeply and after I watched it I went into like a very deep long rabbit hole about the movie and how it was made and who wrote it and all that stuff and obviously the two actors in it Matt Damon and Ben Affleck if you've seen this movie I think you'll really enjoy this and if you haven't seen this movie there won't be one spoiler about the movie in it actually maybe there will be but like

Josh Felgoise (02:42.444)

It's not really like a spoilable movie. It's just kind of a coming of age. You can still listen if you haven't seen it. And if you have, think you'll still I think you'll like this and like this recap. But I'll get to and explain why you should watch it and why I think every young guy should watch it. But Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are the two main stars of the movie and Robin Williams is also the third star. And Matt Damon was 22 and Ben Affleck was 20 when they started writing this movie.

when they won the Oscar for best original screenplay for it Matt Damon was 27 and then athleck was 25 and This movie could not have been created could not have been written by anybody that was not a young guy like it they they were the only two people that could have written this type of movie and something that like really gets guys so Perfectly like really encapsulates and and captures what it's like to be a young guy and I'll talk more about that too, but everything they did in this movie was just like

I was like, yeah, that is me. Like I see myself in all of these characters and have been all of these characters at one time or another. And they just captured the experience of being a young guy, being a guy in your early twenties so perfectly and probably the best way I've ever seen it done. And I say that every guy should watch it because it's such an honest portrayal of us. And at some points it felt like I was looking in the mirror at myself and I could like

really know the people on the screen because I've been that person before and I knew what they were thinking and feeling because I've thought and felt the exact same way before. And it played into the stereotypes of young guys in so many different ways. In the ways that we don't talk to our friends about our emotions or our feelings. In the way that we avoid talking about our emotions in general. In the way that we are incredibly emotionally unavailable.

In the way that we avoid real relationships in fear of what could come from it. In the way that we talk to each other in general. In the way that we avoid dealing with our things and fight instead. In the way that we avoid therapy and even laugh at the word and the thought of it. I thought that was like when I saw Matt Damon's character when they mentioned therapy and he just like laughed it off as did this thing. He's like, I don't need fucking therapy.

Josh Felgoise (04:59.232)

Of course he did. And that's what the whole movie is about. And that's the whole premise of the movie. And that is like the, that's every guy, like that's kind of like the purpose of this podcast is to talk about what should be talked about for guys in their twenties and emotions and feelings and thoughts and all those things that we hold inside and hold so close to us and are so afraid of letting out or talking about in fear of what could happen from that or in fear of how people will look at us differently or judge us based on that.

I mean, holy shit, like it was so fucking real. And just in the way that we avoid mental health in general, like I did an episode with my friend Gabe a few months ago, talking about his experience going to therapy for the first time. And I it was so amazing and so brave of him to come on here and talk about that experience because we don't talk about that. Like we just don't talk about therapy or mental health ever. And I thought that was so...

so unbelievably cool of him to do and just be so vulnerable about because so many guys need it and so many guys would benefit from that and talking about their shit and like this movie did such an amazing job of showing how how we fended off by all means necessary also the stereotypes of young guys and how we deal with relationships how we compare ourselves to each other in comparison to like the gym and how much we bench and lift how we confront our problems

how we talk about girls and how we talk to girls and find confidence, how we go on dates. And the only people that could have written this were young guys. Like the only people that would have gotten the experience of young guys and understood how you or I feel on a daily basis is them. And they did it so perfectly. And that's why I say that I found this movie when I was supposed to find it and I watched it when I could most understand it because I just got it. I was like, holy shit, this is just like such a reflection.

of me and all of my friends and I see us all in these characters. And I would say although these are stereotypes of young men and young guys, they're mostly all exactly right. everything I just said, all those different ways, all of those stereotypes, like, are pretty accurate to how I think guys act in general. that's, again, it's a stereotype, it's a generalization, but I think it's a good one. I think, like, it's...

Josh Felgoise (07:18.51)

pretty accurate overall and a pretty honest portrayal of us. And I'll start with the relationship one and I want to break down a few of them because again, like this was, it had really such an impact on me. But I want to start with the relationship one because I found that to be the most real and I did an episode on here a little while ago called Commitment-phobe and it was about my like nervousness and kind of contentment or

complacency, maybe that's the word, to commit to a relationship and actually like dive in head first and like ask someone to be my girlfriend and go in on that. And my nervousness to start a relationship and what would come from that and if I could commit all the time I should commit or.

be able to open up myself emotionally and vulnerably and have the conversations that I've never had before or at least at least not never not sorry not never I haven't had that experience in like a very long time and I'm sure a lot of guys are with me in that but the relationship one and the way they portrayed relationships in this was so fucking real and the fear of falling in love with someone and them not loving you back is also so real like that is how that's like what

dating is like, and that's what that's like what going on dates is like you're putting yourself out there and you're kind of like playing the field and trying on different people and trying to see who fits best with you and who you connect with most and who you have the best conversation with. And if you start to like them or you develop feelings for them and you fall in love with them and they don't love you back, like that's a very valid fear. I'm sure I know I've had that before. I've not that I know I have had that before. I've had that exact fear before.

And I'm sure if you're listening now, you're probably like, yeah, I've been there too. and that is extremely valid. Like the, the fear of falling in love with someone or the fear of like letting your emotions run wild and them not like feeling the same way back or them not giving you back the same love that you're showing them or bringing it much smaller, like texting you back or ghosting you. Like those are all the same exact things. And those fears are all very valid and very real. And

Josh Felgoise (09:39.51)

like just part of this whole experience and also the fear of them not realizing that you're perfect and letting down the facade and showing them who you really are and spending so much time with somebody that they actually get to know the real you and get to know the quirks about you and the weird things and the parts that you think most people aren't going to like or most people are going to think are just weird and judge you for.

Spending enough time with somebody that they start to see all of those things and realize that you're not perfect is scary. And these are all very scary things and diving in headfirst to relationship or just diving in headfirst to go on dates and put yourself out there and do that in the first place are all very scary things. And I thought that was portrayed so perfectly in this movie. And we all do this and dating and putting yourself out there, as I just said, is scary. Like it's not easy and it's not supposed to be easy and

That's one part of it. And then the second part of it is the falling in love part, which is also scary. So this whole thing is just, it's, it's scary and we have to face our fears to do it. And you have to develop the confidence to put yourself out there to go do it. and try it on and just go and see what, what you like and what you don't like and who you like and who you don't like. And, I talked about this in last week's episode two of living on your own for the first time. Like you just.

I have to take the risk sometimes and you have to face the potential failure or face the fear of failure and learn how to deal with that and get through it. Like the only way to get through that is to move through it. And the only way to learn more is to fuck up and try again and try again and keep putting yourself out there and keep putting one foot in front of the next. Like there is no other way to experience it. There's no other way through.

And the scariest part is actually being vulnerable and letting somebody see you for you and for all of you and all the parts that you have for the rest of the world. Like the scary part is opening up and showing somebody all of your flaws and your mistakes. And the scary part is that you're going to mess up. Like inevitably you will mess up and there will be times where you do the wrong thing or you say the wrong thing or you text the wrong thing or you don't know what to say in the moment and you you

Josh Felgoise (12:02.154)

spend the rest of the night overthinking it because you knew it wasn't right and they reacted poorly to what you said because it wasn't the right thing to say. And the fear of never being able to repair that and losing somebody and breaking up and liking somebody and then not liking you back at all kind of comes back to that and moving through that and dealing with it. The next thing I wanted to talk about was the mental health and the therapy. We as guys, we chalk up mental health to this thing that we don't have to talk about. We don't have to deal with.

And it's become a lot more normalized and culturally acceptable to go to therapy as a guy and for guys to talk about it and to be open about it and be honest about it. But it still has that stigma. still has that stigma is the right word. It still has that stigma on it and people fear it and people think it makes you less of a man or less.

strong and that you can't solve it on your own and like all of those things about going to therapy and dealing with mental health were so clear in this movie and it kind of showed me that like even though our society has progressed so much and from 1997 to 2024 almost 2025 like we've taken such big leaps in terms of therapy mental health but like we're still right there and guys especially are still right there

stuck in 1997, stuck in that time before and the time before, where talking about your emotions and being honest with yourself and being vulnerable are things that are looked down upon and things that aren't seen as cool or are stigmatized and seen as something that makes you less strong. And I don't think that's changed whatsoever. Like, I hope that by doing this and by talking about emotions and being vulnerable, like, I can play like the tiniest little part in that and start to

make at least one other person feel comfortable in opening up and being vulnerable and sharing their own emotions and their own shit. That's kind of always my hope for this thing, but it just made me realize that we haven't progressed at all. We are the same. That is the guy that I know. That is me. That is me and also my friend and his friend and everybody around. It's still something we just don't talk about.

Josh Felgoise (14:19.81)

And why is that? Like, why is it something that we just don't talk about and it's something that we avoid and stigmatize and chalk up to make somebody else feel less than for doing? And it's ultimately because we are just afraid to be vulnerable. And it comes back to the fear that this movie like really like shined to... there's a siren, fuck. And it ultimately comes back to like the whole theme of this movie and like the... What this movie like really illuminated for me was that...

We are afraid to be vulnerable and open up and share things and reveal our emotions in fear of how the world will respond and how the world will look back at us and if they will laugh at us and if they will make fun of us and if they will think less of us and if they will try to make us feel smaller for it. And when I say the world, I mean in your small world, like we are ultimately all afraid of opening up in fear of how people will react to us and if they will make fun of us and if they will think less than of us because of it.

And I experienced that myself. I, every time I put out some sort of vulnerable episode, I'm like, fuck, someone's going to think that like someone's going to twist that into what it's not supposed to be. And I put my own assumption of what their reaction will be onto them before they've even done it. Like it's not even a thing that they do. I don't even know that that's something that somebody does. I'm sure it is, but as I did it again, like I'm sure it is something that somebody does or thinks or feels.

That's totally okay, but like that's also a projection and that's like the reason we all avoid it is because we we are we fear what other people will think of us if we do it and if we open up and if we share our feelings and our emotions we just fear how other people will react to us and this movie depicted that and there's a reason that guys don't share their feelings and we keep it all pent up and it's because we fear how people will react to us and We're all afraid and I think that is a commonality that a lot of us have

And again, that's a big sweeping generalization and a big stereotype, but I think that it's true. And I think that this movie did a great job showing me that it is true and that it's been true for generations. And even though like our generation has taken really large strides in the mental health conversation and in terms of.

Josh Felgoise (16:38.382)

talking about therapy and being more open about it and having conversations on podcasts like this one where I'll bring on a friend of mine who's 24 years old in his early 20s to talk about his experience with therapy. Like that is massive. That is, that's a huge stride. And the, like the guy's talking about mental health conversation, the therapy conversation. Like I'm not trying to like toot my own horn in making this out to be more than it is, but I think it's a pretty big deal that like,

We're in a year and we're in a time where those conversations are much more acceptable, but they're still stigmatized because the stereotype exists that guys don't talk about their emotions in fear of what people will say about them. And that's only because it's been carried out by people talking about guys negatively when they do say stuff about it. And the stigmatizations and the stereotypes are only carried on by people who think about these conversations negatively.

or by the people who judge people who have these conversations or by the people who think of people as less than because they have these conversations and the people who aren't open enough to understand that people may need help and the people that don't try to understand that help is a good thing. And it's great to talk about what's going on because if you don't have conversations about how you're feeling and you keep pushing it down and pushing it down further and further,

it just gets worse and it comes back in ways that you don't want it to. So if you don't work through your shit, like it'll, it'll impact you in ways that you least expected and you least want it. And when I looked around and starting this podcast and like starting the idea of guys said in general to try and find places where these types of conversations were happening, like I just couldn't find anything online. Like I couldn't find anywhere where guys were being pretty vulnerable about what is going on. And when I,

Started thinking about this concept and having these types of conversations I thought to myself like I am NOT the person to have these conversations because I've never gone to therapy on my own or I've never like had those types of experiences, but I think talking about it is the first way in and and Sharing my experiences and telling you about my vulnerability about starting a relationship or sharing my vulnerability about living on my own for the first time or all the different topics that I've talked about and we'll continue to talk about

Josh Felgoise (19:00.376)

for as long as I do this, like, that's just a start and it's a way to start. And my hope is that by talking about it, it gives somebody else the ability to feel that they can talk about it too. Or it makes somebody feel a little bit less alone in it. And it makes somebody feel a little bit heard or seen or understood the same way that this movie did for me. Like I watched these characters and I felt so understood and I felt so seen by them. And even though it's not like an open dialogue and I can't talk to Matt Damon, although I'd fucking love to, if anyone knows Matt Damon and I'll...

I'd love to have him on obviously. But like, I would love to talk to him about what he was thinking while writing that movie and what he thinks about looking back at those characters and what he's learned from them and how he's changed and developed with his relationships because it's based on his life. Like I know it's not based on a true story, but a lot of those experiences, they had to come from somewhere. And I know in listening to a couple of his podcasts that he's been on about talking about that movie.

He talked about that they came from his experiences directly. And I would love to hear how he's developed in his relationships. And I'd love to hear how he's kind of like faced those conversations around mental health and worked through those emotions. And if you think about it, that movie was kind of revolutionary in that time. Like 1997, the conversations around therapy, mental health were never happening. Like, actually, I don't know. I was not born in that. I was born in 2000. So I don't know if they were happening or not. But my assumption and my understanding is that

The conversations around mental health and therapy for guys like really started recently and they've they've only happened and been normalized in the past few years with the rise of social media and with the rise of like normal people becoming popular and regular people becoming famous. Like that is where those conversations started to happen. And with the rise of podcasts, like I heard a podcast recently with Dax Shepard talking to Jesse Eisenberg and it's called Armchair Expert. I highly recommend listening to that episode, but

Jesse Eisenberg talks about his experiences with mental health and with therapy and with like those conversations weren't really happening a few years ago and now they are and it's amazing to hear a big celebrity like Jesse Eisenberg talk about that stuff and Dax Shepard share his experience with AA and addiction and all these things where you're seeing really like kind of macho masculine guys or I don't know, Jesse Eisenberg's not but no, let me take that back. I don't mean to judge Jesse Eisenberg.

Josh Felgoise (21:24.142)

You're hearing conversations. I'll take that Jack Shepard's a great example. Like I'll you're hearing conversations with like guys who are seen as pretty masculine. Jack Shepard's like a six foot five like huge guy and he's having conversations about his mental health and his addiction to his anxieties and his depression. And like that is amazing. Like it's it's really that's like that's a real role model. Like seeing somebody like that share those experiences.

and make it more real and make you feel more seen and more heard by seeing somebody who's who's stereotypically pretty masculine like seeing him break down those walls and break down those barriers and have those conversations is fucking incredible and that didn't start for me at least in my understanding until pretty recently so in 1997 like these types of conversations and seeing a young guy go to therapy and work through his emotions and like really work through like that's the kind of the whole purpose of the movie is that he

That's not, it isn't a spoiler, like the plot of the movie is him, Matt Damon dealing with his trauma, Matt Damon's character, not Matt Damon, dealing with his trauma and being a foster kid and working through his trust issues and trying to let down his guard and the whole theme and the relationship with the mental health thing together is that like being vulnerable and letting down your guard to somebody in fear of them not liking you for it or in fear of them seeing you for who you really are and then rejecting you for it.

is really fucking scary and getting to the place and I don't mean to sound repetitive because I know I just talked about all of this but getting to the place where you let down your guard so far that if the person doesn't like you for that then you have to deal with what you have to deal with that outcome like you have to really deal with it like they didn't like me for me like I showed them me and they didn't like that and working through the realization that not everybody is going to like you and it's not always going to work out

and you can't be for everybody and getting to the place where you're so you that you're okay with the fact that not everyone's going to like you because not everybody will. And overall, think guys are becoming a lot more understanding to mental health and this type of conversation and even listening to this type of this type of conversation is a massive step or caring enough to click on this type of episode. But at the same time, those types of conversations are really hard to have. And that's why I said earlier that my friend Gabe was so brave for coming on here talking about it because

Josh Felgoise (23:45.278)

sharing that level of vulnerability is really, really hard. And it's the same thing that happens here, like sometimes with me, like I'll say something a little differently than I actually think it, or I'll consider editing it out, or I'll actually edit it out and make it more palatable for somebody to listen to in fear of how somebody will react or in fear of how somebody will think of me differently because of what I said.

And that's why I say I understand how those characters were thinking and feeling more than I think I ever could have before. And it's because I've developed so much and because I've had so much time on my own after college. I don't think if I had watched this in college, I would have gotten it as much. I don't know if I watched it before college, I would have gotten it as much. Like I think everything that you hold on to finds you at a time that is important and pivotal and essential to you. And I think these early 20s and

The time after college is such an important time for us. It's such like a, it's a, just such like a shaping period for us that can go so many different ways and we can take so many different twists and turns and some days are so terrible and some days are so amazing. And I've experienced a lot of what I'm saying in the past two, three years. Like I'm, I'm experiencing exactly what these characters are going through, sharing my emotions, being vulnerable, putting myself out there, going on dates. All of those things are experiences. I don't think I've actually

grappled with before or had to understand or work through before. Dealing with my emotions in a way that is so terribly bad by pushing them down so far deep into the depths of me that they come back up in a time that it's the worst possible time for them to come up. Trying to ignore pain and sadness and anxiety and trying to just shelf all of that in hopes that it will stay on the shelf.

dealing with the potential of failure, failing, putting myself out there enough and being vulnerable, vulnerable enough to develop a connection with somebody and start to like somebody and then them not like me back, falling in love with somebody and dealing with what comes from that and how difficult that is at times and how confusing that can be and how vulnerable it can be.

Josh Felgoise (26:04.3)

And I got why Matt Damon in the movie was afraid to commit and this is like a, it's not a spoiler alert. I mean, it is. The movie's been out for 27 years. So like, I don't think it's a possible spoiler alert, but I understood why he was so afraid to commit and stormed out of the dorm room half naked and, and it doesn't have to be as deep of a trauma that he had for somebody to understand or resonate with that experience.

And I got what Robin Williams was saying about waking up next to a girl in the morning. And I got what Ben Affleck was saying about seeing your friend with so much potential and not wanting them to squander it. And I got the relationship between Ben and Matt and that friendship and how important friendship is and how important it is to keep your friends close and spend time with them and understand them and care for them and support them and like show them that you love them. I got the feeling of not knowing what you want to do.

or who you want to be. I got the feeling of not being able to answer the question, what do you want to do when Robin Williams asked Matt Damon that? And instead of answering it with a serious answer, answering it with sarcasm to disguise the fear of the unknown or disguise the fact that you just don't know what you want to do or who you want to be when you grow up. Because like at this point, we're starting to actually grow up and and it's scary to not know the answer to that question.

It all just kind of clicked for me watching this movie. Like I turned it on late at night in bed hoping I'd fall asleep to it. And I stayed up all night thinking about it and then wrote all of these notes that I wanted to say to you today right after I watched it because it was just so, it just stuck with me. Like 30 minutes later I was like, I can't stop thinking about what I just watched. Thinking about how important it is to work through your shit. Thinking about how hard it is to commit and how hard it is to face your fears.

And I know what it's like to try and avoid your emotions and I'm sure a lot of you listening do too. And I think it's just a movie that every guy in their twenties should watch because you, I believe you will definitely see some part of yourself in one of these characters and understand what they're thinking and feeling. Actually, I'm making this required watching for all guys that listeners ever continuing on from now on to the rest of eternity. It shows you exactly what you look like when you're avoiding serious conversations with friends.

Josh Felgoise (28:20.41)

and what it's like to fall in love and learn more about yourself and start to understand who you are and figure out who you want to be. And if you haven't watched it, you now have a plan for the rest of your night or at some point this week or it's like now it's almost Christmas break. Like I'm sure your parents have watched it, but they'll definitely want to watch it again because everybody fucking loves this movie. And I now fully understand why.

Like the scene where Matt Damon asks Robin Williams, so when did you know that she was the one for you? Like that is the scene that I will never forget. It was so impactful. And there are so many things that I don't think you can get or see how much of a reflection it is for you until you've experienced it and until you're in it. And as I said, I can't believe I've never seen this movie before, but like I'm so thrilled that this was my first time watching it because it.

just now means so much to me. And what I realized is that getting to shoot your shot and give it a shot is the greatest part about all of this. And getting to try something new and face your fears and face what scares you is when you learn the most about yourself. And getting to choose who you let into your weird little world is what it's all about.

Thank you so much. Listen to guys set a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh. I'm 24 years old and I'm here to find all the tips advice and recommendations for what should be talked about for guys in their twenties. If like this episode, I really did please like subscribe and give this podcast five stars leave review. That's one, two, three, four, five stars and leave a review. The fifth one, not the fourth one or the third one of the second one to the first one. The fifth one. Thank you very much. I really much really greatly appreciate that. And please leave a review and also any movie recommendations you have for me, anything along the lines of this movie, like I need to watch.

I didn't plan on this being a movie review podcast, but this is now a goodwill hunting podcast. So if you have any movies like that that you think are a reflection of you or you see yourself in, or you just understood more about your experience because of, or you understood more about your experience through watching, like please let me know those movies because I really, really want to watch anything like that. And then I'll do an episode on it because this was so impactful for me. And I, if you haven't watched it, like you have to.

Josh Felgoise (30:33.186)

Like you you must I was gonna say in beginning turn this episode off and go watch that right now But I realize that people listen to this podcast at such random different times of the day And I don't want you to stop listening either, but take my word for it. I hope you do I'm supposed to the outro. I just got lost in what I was saying. What else is there? You can follow me on guys said at the guys set thg g u i s e t you can email me anything we talked about that should be talked about to my email it's josh at guys set comm j o s h at gu i s e t comm we can connect on

social media on reddit on all the different things there is so much fun so many fun things for you to find me on what else do i want to say to you i don't know i feel like it's been long enough and i'll probably edit this part out this is what i want to say merch i am it's not good while hunting merchants guys at merch i am creating my first ever merch first ever merch is that right

phrasing first ever merchandise. am dropping merch for the podcast. So if you're interested in either a hat, a t-shirt or a hoodie, let me know. Email me, DM me and let me know if you want it. Maybe I'll make a discord. I don't know how to make a discord, but let me get discord. You can email me, DM me, discord me, all the other places that you can find me. If you want a hat hoodie or a t-shirt, I will send you one. So send me

which one you want and your size. And then like, I'll follow up with your address and all the places. If you made it this far, like you're a real one. So I am going to send it to anybody that lets me know that they want it. I'll figure out the rest of the details with you personally. I'm really excited about it. I'm so excited to actually create something and have it out in the world. And, and yeah, I'm just thrilled about that. So thank you so much listening to guys set a guy's guide to what should be talked about. And I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.