What a 61-Year-Old Wants Guys in Their 20s To Know with Martino

Josh Felgoise (00:00.204)

Welcome to Guy's Set, a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh, I'm 24 years old, and I'm here to find all the tips, advice, and recommendations for everything you're wondering about. Let's get into it.

Josh Felgoise (00:18.008)

Hi guys, welcome back to guys that a guy's guide to what should be talked about. You are in for such a good episode today. I found today's guest while scrolling through Tik Tok and found this guy who starts every single video by saying advice from a 61 year old man and then shares the most incredible perspective and wisdom on like mostly every situation. So I immediately messaged him and was like, Hey, what I'm doing at guys set. And I'd love to share it with you.

Is really similar to what you're doing on your platform and I would just love to hear your advice and perspective and wisdom and recommendations for guys in their twenties on all these different topics. We talk about so many different topics in this episode. Like we really go from every like everything that you're going to experience in your twenties. talk about or everything you are experiencing in your twenties. We go over in this episode. I feel like I really got to everything I wanted to talk about with him and he

just gave some of the most incredible advice and perspectives on all these situations. It is one of the episodes that I feel is the most aligned with what I'm trying to do here at Guy Set in what I'm doing every week. And he's just the perfect, perfect guest for what I'm what I'm creating here. And I'm so happy that he came on and lent his time to me and to everybody else. This is Martino's first ever episode he's done first ever podcast he's done. When I messaged him at first, I was like, hey, I'd love

for to be on and he was like, I've never done a long form episode like this before. I usually just give my advice in like one to two minutes segments like I do in my videos. So I don't know how to get at that. And I was like, I just feel like you will be and I just want to do this. And I think it'd be amazing. And he trusted me and came on and it was, it's, it's so, good. And I'm so excited to share it with all of you. If you want to check it out on Tik TOK, his name is Martino advice at A R T I N O advice, A D V I C E.

I love his videos so much and I think you're really going to love this episode. I'm so proud to put this one out and I'm so grateful that he came on the podcast. Without further ado, please welcome Martino to Geissed.

Josh Felgoise (02:27.15)

Yeah, I'm really excited for this. It's great to meet you. Yeah, it's my first podcast, so I hope it comes out all right. I think it'll be great. Okay. Well, I first want to say I found your you through your TikTok videos and immediately from watching just felt like super seen and like I trusted you immediately and from reading the comments. I am not alone in that and like every comment is like never skip a Martino video like they the people really love you so far.

And you start every video by saying advice from a 61 year old man. And I think that is just what young guys need. And we're kind of doing similar things or have a very similar mission, but different angles. I'm obviously 24 years old, so I don't have the 30,000 foot worldview that you have at 61 years old. But that's exactly why I wanted to reach out to you, because I think you.

share amazing advice on TikTok every day. And I wanted to bring it long form and bring it to an audience here. And what I do is I have conversations for guys in their twenties to provide advice and recommendations and tips on the things that really aren't talked about for guys in their twenties. And that, that came from a lot of different things and it's kind of become conversations around self-confidence and mental health and advice and a lot of really

different and interesting facets of mindset that aren't talked about for us in general. And I'm sure you understand that and know that. And I'm personally always looking for new perspectives and advice on angles. So I'm really excited for this. So first and foremost, how are you? How are you doing today? I'm doing great. I'm enjoying life. And that's in many ways a privilege in this day and age.

Yeah, I'm doing great and really happy to join this podcast. I think it's great the work you're doing. You hit the nail on the head because when you talked about, especially I think for young males, you know, there's that stigma attached of about talking about our feelings, you know. And I was the same in my 20s. You you bottle things up, you keep it to yourself, you pretend things are OK.

Josh Felgoise (04:48.648)

and you you've got to talk about it. So I'm really, you know, I feel great doing this kind of stuff. It gives me a lot of energy. the answer to your question is I'm energized. Good. And why do you think that is? Why do you think guys bottle up our emotions and never talk about our feelings? It's just the way that, you know, kind of let's call it tradition. You know, it's

Men are not supposed to be emotional. We need to come across as tough and that we can handle anything. And the reality is that we can't, you know, and it's through talking and sharing experiences and that, that you actually start getting more in touch with how you really feel and then looking for ways of how you can really sort of tackle the challenges that you face, you know. It's not...

We shouldn't be living in a society where we have to have that sort of strong sort of, the man and I can handle things. That's not how society should be. So why did you, or first of all, tell us about yourself, where you live, what you do, or what you did for work, where you settled down, all of that. Yeah. Well, I live in the most amazing place in the North of Spain, actually, in Asturias. It's absolutely beautiful. I moved here a year ago.

because I wanted to downsize and it's also made a bit of a lifestyle change. yeah, I'm not in the moment I'm between jobs, but I've been for the last six years in the sustainability space, actually helping businesses and communities to reduce food waste, which is something that I'm also very passionate about. but I've had quite a...

a lot of changes in my life. You know, I've lived in many countries and did various jobs, but I think in the last six years, I fell into the place where I really wanted to be. You've grown pretty quickly so far, which is amazing. And people are obviously really resonating with your videos and your messages. So why should somebody listen to you and take your advice? Good question.

Josh Felgoise (07:10.126)

I guess, well look, I'm not an expert on this kind of field. I'm just, at the end of the day, I'm just a 61 year old guy who, in a way I've been fortunate to have had a lot of diverse experiences in my life. I've lived in different countries already at a young age, but by the time I was 11, I had moved to my eighth country. So I've been through a lot of change in that.

I've a lot, met a lot of different cultures and people and everything. And I like to say that today I'm at a place where I'm really happy with who I am or who I've become. And I guess that makes me think that I must have done some things right and also more importantly, learned from the downs.

And so all I'm really doing is sharing my experiences and hopefully it helps to inspire and provide some tools, if you like, for young people in particular to try and improve their life journey, if you like, and try and get to that happy place that I am in today. So why did you start your TikTok channel? Yeah, I started, well...

Almost four months ago, it was at the suggestion of my daughter, my youngest daughter. And how old is she? She's 20 now, actually. And how many kids do you have? I've got three kids. Yeah. But anyways, yeah. So basically I went through a kind of a lifestyle change three, six years ago. You know, I really wanted to move into the space where I was making more or leaving more meaningful footprints and trying to make a

positive impact in terms of both people and the planet. I really care about sustainability. And linked to that, what I found is I was becoming more more concerned about all the mental health issues that people are struggling with, and especially young people. And you know, when you've got young kids, you also see the challenges that they go through and their friends as well, because you know, I'm very close with my kids. So I was...

Josh Felgoise (09:30.946)

I guess looking at ways of how I can try and inspire a little bit and started writing a book. And with that, my daughter suggested, hey, why don't we make these videos and post them on TikTok? and yeah, it was quite fun actually when I started my first one and I thought, okay, this is fun and started and like you touched on, it's the reward for me because I don't make any money out of this. The reward for me is the comments.

You know, it's, it's incredible how, how you can positively impact a complete stranger's life just by a few simple key messages in, in, in telling my story, if you like, or that particular, for that particular video, that particular subject. A hundred percent. And what do your kids think of your TikTok channel? they actually.

quite amazed how it's taken off, you We were kind of thinking, wouldn't it be fun to have like, I don't know, 5,000 followers, you know? I think I'm at over 40 now. You are. There's one video that we made that's just, I don't know, it's just gone crazy, absolutely crazy. I think, I mean, look, people look for advice and inspiration and like everybody...

is just trying to make it work. So they look for somebody like you who has that, as I said, like 30,000 foot worldview and can provide them with a lot of really good advice and good takes like you do. And how's the book coming? It's getting there. It's a longer process than I expected. I'm trying to it was actually the idea behind it was to write a book for my kids.

because not to go into too much detail, but I knew very little about my dad's life when he was young. And he was quite a bit of an introvert. And I wanted my kids to know the young me as well. So I've kind of started writing this book about my life story. But what I'm trying to do now is also link it with, you what are the key learnings from those experiences and put that in the book and hopefully share it with young people for free as well.

Josh Felgoise (11:49.07)

You know at the end of the day if you help one person you've achieved something. That's how I see it I love that I really I really do and then I want to ask you a couple more questions about you and then I want to get into like the the section where I ask all of your advice for guys in their 20s from a 61 year old man Yeah, but looking back at your life so far What do you look back at and you're most proud of or makes you feel most fulfilled?

Really good question. I think probably that I stood my ground and despite having a lot of challenges, you when you move around when you were a young kid, you know, to different countries, different continents even, it's quite challenging because you get uprooted and you have to try and build new routes again. And I think I'm quite proud of the fact that I was able to overcome those

challenges and establish new roots. I'm a person that likes to, you know, I'm a people person and I get energy from people. So I guess I'm happy that I made the effort to connect with people, new people in new groups. That's the one thing. And the other one was being, you

standing true to what I believed in, know, following my gut on things because you always get advice that not to do this or not to do that. And but I was kind of quite hard headed. Probably got that from my mother. So I wasn't afraid to try things, to try new things, you know, even sports. I was hopeless at sports, but I just carried on trying things because because I enjoyed them, whether I excelled or not, was.

was immaterial. It was actually just the trying and the experience that gave me energy. So I'm glad I persevered, let's say. I'm someone that is really persistent and perseveres. I really love that. I always say like, I'd rather try and fail than never try and never know if I could do it or not. So I absolutely completely agree with that. And then what is something at 61 years old that you're still working on?

Josh Felgoise (14:14.72)

Yeah, I'm not there yet. I I want to do more of this. You know, I've done quite a bit in terms of, you know, my passion about protecting our planet, and I'm still doing a lot on that. I haven't stopped that journey. I want to become more and more self-sustainable in our lifestyles.

But I think I want to continue to do more in respect of people as well. Maybe do some volunteer work as well in, you know, people that have particular challenges, whether physical, you know, challenges or mental challenges, you know. Extend what I'm doing in my small way with these videos to sort of a wider audience, if you like.

And where does that come from? that like an intrinsic good? Like, do you just always feel like you want to be helping people? Where does that come from in you? It's something that's developed over the recent years, actually. I guess my dad was a very humble guy and he was a very kind guy. And probably those are values that have been instilled with me from the early days. You know, I care a lot about

the planet. care a lot about animals as well. I'm vegan. I followed, started a vegan lifestyle, if you like, and diet six years ago. And the people part, it's when you see how people are suffering and maybe, I think also as you get older, you get more emotional actually. You know, I never used to cry at movies, but I found as I get older, I get a lot more sentimental and I think that sentimentality

makes you more in touch with, puts you more in touch with people and their feelings and what they're going through. Absolutely. Is there anything else you want to share before I get into the advice section before I get into all of that? No, not really. Just keep on watching this space because, you know, the TikTok videos is just the start. I love that. I love that. Okay. So.

Josh Felgoise (16:28.822)

What advice would you give to somebody who spends a lot of time worrying about the future and has trouble staying in the present? Yeah, we all do that. think well too many of us live in the future. I think that's the bottom line and what we need to do more of and this is you you hear this from many different places is really to ground yourself in the present. Now that's not to say that we shouldn't think

about or plan for the future. what I like to say is to a large extent, know, tomorrow's outcome, what's going to happen tomorrow, you can have very little influence on that today. That outcome is already largely decided. But what does matter, what is more important actually is how you do what you are doing right now.

That's the part that you can influence and that will impact what happens in the future. I also mentioned in one of my videos, I talked about that life is not a crystal ball. And one of the things I always say to my daughters, which is actually an Afrikaans saying, because I grew up in South Africa, a big part of my life. In Afrikaans is ales al-rekho, which means that

you know, in a way, everything has a way of working itself out. So, you know, we probably worry too much and we need to put that worrying on pause sometimes and live life in the moment. It's hard to do, but it's a great philosophy to follow. Yeah, I love that. What advice do you have for somebody who really struggles with FOMO or fear of missing out? Yeah.

from, yeah, if you mean like missing out, I think, you know, I can elaborate on that if it's if it's helpful. I think I understand it. But if you're talking like, for example, with the internet and social media and everything now, we're constantly kind of more aware of, you know, what people are doing, what our friends are doing. And we want to always be involved in and not

Josh Felgoise (18:51.0)

feel as if we're being left out, that's what you mean. Yeah. I that and struggling with thinking about friends and what friends are doing and if you're not invited to something and all of that. Yeah. Yeah. And my advice would be to really ask yourself, are you really missing out because you are not at that party or not with your friends at that moment in time, knowing also that there'll be

lots of opportunities in the future to be at those parties or events or gatherings or whatever. But more importantly, I think what we need to do more of is focus on doing things on our own from time to time because moments of solitude I think are really important for your self-development, for your self-reflection as well. If you're constantly busy,

with social activities, you actually don't make time, that necessary time to sit down and self-reflect about how you're feeling and how you view things and so on. And I think that's important, is to make that time outside of all those sort of social activities. And also to do things that are going to stimulate you physically, but also connecting more with nature. I mean,

The videos that I do on TikTok, a lot of them I'm doing on walks in nature. I love being in nature, you know, it's my mind just kind of blows up with, you know, things, positive things. When I'm walking in nature or surfing, I do surfing as well. It's both a physical and a mental experience that you don't get if you're constantly looking to be socially busy.

What tips do you have for somebody that struggles with finding time for themself or struggles with finding time to like work on themself and spend time on their own? Yeah, well it's that it's what I talked about is finding those solitude moments because you know being alone is not, does not mean that you are lonely you know so find that time to be alone and to enjoy your own company and

Josh Felgoise (21:15.584)

Most importantly, be content with who you are and being yourself because life will be full of those moments that you are going to be by yourself or alone. But don't see that as a void that you need to fill. It's a good void to be in, that alone moment. So, I mean,

The advice is make time to spend time alone. I said in one of my videos, one of the things I love doing, for example, is going to sit in a cafe and just sit there and watch people go by and try and think what are they thinking of? Just find those moments. Yeah. So the best way to learn how to spend time on your own is finding time to do it and just sitting in it. Exactly. Yeah. Well said.

What advice do you have for somebody who moved to a new city, let's say after college and doesn't know a lot of people or have a lot of friends in their new area? Well, yeah, I've lived that. As I said, I think in the intro, know, having moved so many times, I mean, it's difficult because you leave friends behind and then you you try and break into a new established group, if you like.

But I think if you, you know, we're all unique and we've all had different experiences and if you're moving from one college to another or one city to another or one country to another, you bring something unique about yourself. so let that uniqueness, I guess, shine through to help you connect with the new people that you're going to meet. And one thing that I highly recommend that I did a lot of was

join clubs or associations or societies, know, where you're gonna meet new people. You know, if it's college, join as many of the club activities that you can. Because also the nice thing about that is that you meet people with similar interests and values. And that's a good thing. I completely agree. And that's advice that I've shared on here as well before, even afterwards in a new city.

Josh Felgoise (23:38.328)

There's things like run clubs and there's like different types of clubs for people that are in like group chats and group me's and you can you can find a lot of different activities of people who are like minded to spend time with. Exactly. What do you say to somebody or what advice do you have for somebody who feels like they are not in control of their life? Yeah, that's that's a hard one. I mean, because let's face it, all our insecurities and anxieties.

come to the fore and that makes us in the end let actually others control our lives. And I think also one of the challenges is that we still live in a very largely traditional and hierarchical society. And that varies obviously from country to country. So in some cases it's really difficult to take control of your own life at a young age, but you really need to do that.

and not give that control away or at least to set boundaries where others can manage things for you if you let them. Because you really need to put what matters to you first. And I like to say that that's not actually being selfish, it's actually being self-nurturing. And in the end, it's about trusting yourself.

because you're the one that's equipped to know what's good for you, to look out for yourself. so learn to trust yourself. And that takes time, of course, but start taking ownership of your life and not letting others take that ownership away. It's difficult because of the traditions and hierarchies.

I was fortunate in that I was allowed to express myself and to venture into new things. You know, I was given relatively good amount of freedom to try things and it's not the same for everyone. know that. Yeah, go ahead. Sorry. But challenge, challenge tradition and hierarchy. That's what I would say. I really like what you said about it's not selfish. It's self-nurturing.

Josh Felgoise (26:03.394)

And I think a lot of times people struggle to make time for themselves or spend that time to get to know themselves because they feel like it's selfish. and also struggle with like making time outside of hanging out with their friends or their family, or their relationship to do that and, figure out who they are. And especially a lot of young people who are in relationships early, struggle with something like that too. So, I really like what you said there.

Absolutely. Yeah. And then speaking of anxiety, what advice do you have for somebody who is feeling really overwhelmed and dealing with a lot of anxiety? That's well, that's actually a lot of people, unfortunately. Most people today, I think, are overwhelmed. I mean, the problem is we worry actually too much and in particularly about the small stuff, you know, the expression, don't sweat the small stuff. I think it goes, you know, and anxiety really is

simply worrying about the future and I talked about you know focus too much on the future and not being in the moment you know grinding yourself in the moment so I think that's the important one is to really grind yourself in the present and the other thing is what we do a lot of is I don't know if you know the expression but making mountains out of molehills

you know, things are not as bad as they seem and things have a way of working out as I said already and we tend to, you know, over-exaggerated things. You know, life can be quite simple actually if we let it. What we need to avoid is that sort of syndrome of overthinking and over-analyzing and over-complicating things, all the what-ifs that...

that distrust that we have of others or the fear of failure or not believing in ourselves. that's the kind of those are the kind of things that we need to control better because otherwise you can get into such an overwhelmed state that you just want to bury your head in the sand. And, you know, we need to avoid that. We need to keep things in perspective. That's the key. Staying in the moment and keep things in perspective.

Josh Felgoise (28:26.04)

You have a really hopeful view that is inspiring to hear. Just listening to that answer was like, I fell into the video that I always fall into and was like, that was great. Really, thank you for sharing that. And then what advice do you have? This is something that I think is not talked about ever for guys. What advice do you have for somebody who worries about their body image, thinks they're too small up here and down there and just worries about that and...

doesn't know where to find an answer to that question. Well, I was a skinny kid at school, so I can relate to that. I guess. Yeah, I would say we're not all built in the same way. And for a reason, I think we, you know, we are designed for different things. Not all of us are going to be rock climbers or bodybuilders or, or long distance runners, you know.

There's also the genetics, know, the slow twitch versus fast twitch muscles. You know, if you're a runner, I do running. I'm not a hundred meter sprinter, but if I have to run 20 kilometers, I will. So I guess be happy with who you are, what you know, what your body, guess, because one day you'll also probably look back and say, and that's what I've done is look back and say, well,

You know, I was fine just the way I was and and and learn to enjoy and appreciate who you are. I love that. OK, this next section is relationship questions. That first one was like self self-improvement, self-confidence kind of questions. yeah. Relationships. Here we go. You ready? What advice do you have for somebody who was just broken up with? Yeah, I get I get quite a few messages on that on my TikTok videos.

It really sucks when, especially when it's your first love or first girlfriend, if you like. I had a really dramatic experience with that myself. What you need to do, I mean, it's really focus on yourself. I mean, I'm stating the obvious, but really focus on rebuilding your self-worth and your self-confidence because both of those things will have taken a knock.

Josh Felgoise (30:52.238)

And you need to, and depends on how the breakup occurred, but typically if it happened from the other side, you know, that obsession will still be there. So you need to get out there and do different things that are going to release your mind and give it time because it's going to take time to clear your mind and get it back to the place where it was. There's a great quote actually, I saw it the other day from, this is,

actor that I really like, Richard E. Grant, who happens to be South African, but that's just a coincidence. Because he lost his wife recently. that's because we're talking about loss here and overcoming loss. And he had a great quote which went along the lines of, try and find pocketfuls of happiness in each day. Trying to find something in the ordinary.

that is extraordinary will give you that boost that you need. So you really need to just take it one step at a time. Focus on rebuilding yourself and releasing your mind and looking for those small little pockets of happiness, I guess. I did too. Go ahead. Probably just to finish it off. Be grateful for the time you had together because, you know,

That's an experience that you had in your life that you will learn from one way or another. Yeah, I love that. did two episodes you just reminded me of on here, one called The Sandwich and then one called Pockets of Perspective. And the sandwich was basically about finding joy for a sandwich and like how exciting it is when you have a really great sandwich and that we forget so much how great things are all the time, even when they're small and

Miniscule and feel like they're nothing and when you realize how great something that is so small is how great like life can be and how great your day can become So that you just reminded me of that and I wanted to share that story great What advice do you have for somebody who was left on read or ghosted? so not responded to or didn't get a text back and Just feeling really discouraged by dating move on

Josh Felgoise (33:18.368)

I guess probably not the right person for you. For one, I mean, if they don't bother to reply or ghosted you. I think also, you know, you can only really handle the way that you react to that situation. You can't control what that other person is doing. And so don't try and analyze the why, you know, because you probably drive you a bit crazy. But but I would say move on.

I heard a great expression, I think it was Keanu Reeves or something, I can't remember, but you know, there's 8 billion people in this planet. So if someone does something that you don't like or, you know, well, move on, you know, at least you've now identified one person not to waste your energy on. I love that. Short and sweet. That was great advice. It's something I've absolutely struggled with in the past two years and I know a lot of my friends have.

And I think a lot of the issue and a lot of the struggle comes in when you try and analyze the why. Like, why did that person not respond? What did I do to them? What did I say wrong? Yeah. Yeah. You, you reflected on yourself as, as you did something wrong, but that's, that's probably not the case. Yeah. I love that. what do you say or what advice do you have for a guy who is not super confident in going up and talking to girls? yeah.

the shy guy that was also me. I was terrified. Besides the obvious again, just do it because what have you got to lose, you know? It comes down to self confidence and everything and just always remind yourself we're all different and unique. We all have something special. It's that uniqueness that makes us special. So, you know, yeah.

You've got nothing to lose, you know. So if there's that girl that you want to ask out, go and ask her out. The worst case that can happen is she says no. Love it. I love that. What advice do you have for somebody who is feeling a lot of social pressure and just isn't feeling ready or just doesn't really know what to do feeling social pressure? Yeah, I guess there, you know, I mean, society does put a lot of

Josh Felgoise (35:44.046)

pressure on all of us because we've also created all these stereotypes of what success means. You know, when you look at movies and advertising and social media and I get parents also put a lot of pressure on us because they also kind of feel that our success reflects on them. And then I talked about traditions as well, you know, that traditions also put a lot of pressure on us. I think the advice that I would give is

that

you know, whoever you are, you know, if you're a little eccentric or you're a little weird or, you know, different, you know, it's our differences again, I'm probably repeating myself, but it's our differences that make us unique and our uniqueness that makes us special. That's a line that I used on one of my videos. So just be proud of who you are and stand up for who you are. And also always make sure that your needs and values are respected.

When do you think it is the right time to be or when do you think it is the right time to start a relationship? there's no right time. I mean, I think it happens when you least expect it, to be honest. That's of course, if you are looking to be in a relationship, because not everyone is. What I would say, though, and I guess because we're talking to young men as well, I think there's nothing wrong in having

You know, it's not a bad idea to have a few casual relationships. Let's, I don't know how to define casual relationships when you're probably help you with it. Because I think in that process, you learn a lot about yourself and, and what, in the end, what you are looking for in a, in a longer term partner. So, so don't, don't, don't rush it. Just let it happen. You know? Yeah. I would say casual relationships we call situation ships.

Josh Felgoise (37:41.358)

Which is like situationships. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not in touch with all the Latest terminology, so I'm bringing you into it. I'm bringing you're not now that you're on to come I'll teach you all about it. But it's like like a hookup or a situationship It's when like you're not really fully into it or invested in the relationship So it doesn't have a title. You're not dating. You're not boyfriend and girlfriend and it's funny our generations

have such different definitions for things. Like how I say hookup is probably different than you define it, right? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And then like, and then like dating, like if you were seeing somebody for like two dates, three dates, you're dating, but that's not how we look at it. It's very funny. It's, it's, we have a lot of dumb terms for the same thing. and one is commitment and one is not. Yeah. Clear. Speaking of commitment, situation shifts.

Speaking of commitment, what advice do you have for somebody who is kind of afraid to commit or struggles with commitment?

Josh Felgoise (38:53.262)

Yeah, I've got to think about that one. guess it's... Well, try and understand why you're struggling to commit. mean, if you're not ready to be in a relationship, then you're not ready. Don't force something, you know. I think you have... got married very late in life. I was, I think, 35 years old, you So...

I wasn't in a rush for things to happen. Don't force a commitment if you're not ready. You need to, not to sound too romantic, but you need to grow into love. So let that happen naturally. And you'll know, when you fall in love, you...

That's the time that you should be looking to make the commitment and you'll know when you're falling in love or whether or if you haven't yet. I think there's a point where you know when that's happened. I don't know if I'm explaining myself well, but... No, I want to ask that because I'm curious to dig deeper into that. But how do you know when you're in love? Basically, from my own experience... Yeah.

You know, obviously there's first that attraction, you know, that's, I that's normal that you have first a sort of physical and let's call it mental without really knowing the person yet, but there's that first attraction. But over time you start noticing the small things that that person does that gives you that sort of warm, what I call that, feeling, you know.

And that's when you know, I think that you starting to fall in love. It's when you more and more notice those moments, those small things. And obviously you start feeling comfortable being with that person, but equally important, feeling comfortable in being yourself with that person as well. I think that's...

Josh Felgoise (41:16.906)

really an important element that we don't consider as much? Yeah, absolutely. Because we shouldn't try and change ourselves in order to fall into that sort of relationship. You can't force it. It's got to happen naturally. And you've to stay true to who you are. Because otherwise, you're going to run into problems down the road. I mean, I've been married now.

I should know this, yeah, 26 years. And I mean, it's ups and downs, but I'm, you know, I'm where I want to be. Let's put it that way. How do you work through those times of struggle in a relationship and when do know it's time to end it versus continue and work through it? Yeah, that's a, mean, you've got to be, I've learned to become a good listener.

You know, I talked about it in one of my videos where, you know, sometimes your partner will say things to you not because they want your opinion on something. They just want you to hear them and acknowledge what they're feeling. So do that more of that kind of stuff. Don't try and always solve it for them.

They're not looking for us to solve everything. Sometimes they just want us to listen, as I said. And there's going to be fights and there's going to be downs and there's going to be moments where you want to run away, you know, but you've got to work on it. Like any relationship, it's like a job as well. You've got to work at it. It's a roller coaster. And as long as there's more ups than downs.

If the downs become more frequent and longer lasting, then you've got to really question whether, you know, have the two of you changed so much that this relationship is no longer the right relationship. That's when you start questioning it. But work through the downs to get to those ups and make sure there's more ups and downs. You have really wonderful advice.

Josh Felgoise (43:36.942)

Speaking of career, we talked about like relationships are like a job and you have to work at it and try and improve. I would love to hear some of your career advice that you have as well. What advice would you give to a guy that is just starting out his career, maybe after college or trying to figure out what he wants to do? Well, if it's in terms of.

you mean looking for a job in that, then I would say don't choose a job just for the money. I've made that mistake. unless it's a means to an end, of course, if you say, for example, want to become an entrepreneur and start your own business, but you've got to make some money first, then by all means. And when it comes to choosing a company,

to work for, make sure that it's a company that aligns with your values. Because it's gotta be an environment where you feel valued and not just become another number. I've worked for a lot of corporations in the past where in the end when they don't need you anymore, they will just spit you out when it suits their bottom line.

The other thing I would say is try different businesses as well, or types of businesses. know, again, going back to my own experience, I've worked for large corporations, I've worked for family businesses, but for the last six years, I've been mostly involved in startups. And I love startups. I get a lot of energy from it, the startup world. But it's not for everyone. You know, if you're someone that is very process driven and likes things to...

you know, work methodically and everything, the startup world is probably not for you. So conclusion basically is try different things and different companies and different jobs, you know. I mean, there's very few people that know exactly what they want to do for the rest of their lives at a young age. You know, I've changed career paths many times, you know, and so just try different things. And I think one other thing is

Josh Felgoise (45:54.412)

Maybe not answering the question directly, but be aware that you have something to contribute to that job or that company that you're in. Because what I see many times, and I had it myself, is when you just join a company and you're fresh out of college and that, you feel as if you're...

still learning and you have very little to contribute. So when it comes to being in meetings or things like that, you just kind of don't speak up. Speak up and challenge things, how things work, because we all have something unique to contribute. So don't think like I used to that you have nothing to contribute because you're new and still know too little.

Speak out, be bold and it'll bring rewards in the end. You basically answered all of my career questions with that one answer, so that was great. I was going to ask you what advice you have for somebody who struggles to speak out in a meeting or just struggles in general in the corporate environment, but you took it and ran, I love that. Okay, good. What advice do you have? I feel like I have lot of friends right now who just don't like their jobs. I think that's probably a nice way of putting it. What advice do you have for somebody who...

really does not like their job and just wants to kind of leave or get out. I guess understand why you don't like the job and see if you can still fix it. And if not, then move on it. But as soon as you can, obviously, I always say don't leave a job until you've got another job. And it's important that you're in a right job, that you are growing and developing.

as much as you can, especially when you're young, because life's too short to spend what is going to amount to a big part of your life. If you think that you work, you know, five days a week, eight hours a day, that's a big chunk of your life. So make sure that you're using that, you know, that time on something that you enjoy and stimulates you and helps you to grow and develop. And if not, when you get the opportunity, get out.

Josh Felgoise (48:16.192)

And linked to that also because I've also seen that if you've got a narcissistic boss, get out while you can, because you're not going to grow and develop in a toxic environment like that one. What advice do you have for somebody who is looking for a mentor or a figure in life to get really good advice from around their career and just doesn't really know who to turn for for all of that?

Yeah, I mean...

I guess, I mean, you've got, I don't know if you still do, but you used to have sort of career counselors and that's what I used to use or read books.

I'm not sure how to answer that one. Just talk to people. mean, talk to people in doing those careers that you're looking at. Ask them for advice. For example, why did they choose to go the engineering path or whatever path they chose? I don't really know how to answer that other than...

you know, just talk to people. You have the advantage today of also, you know, having a wider reach to many more people that have had experiences that they can share about those careers that they've chosen. You know, like I said myself, I've changed careers a couple of times, you know, things.

Josh Felgoise (50:01.45)

I went a certain path because I thought that's what I wanted. And then you realize down the road that that's maybe not what you wanted. And that's okay as well, because we change as individuals. I think that's a great answer, by the way. In the beginning, we talked a little bit about trusting your gut. How do you know if you are making the right decision to bring it back to that? Well, let me premise that by saying that I don't believe that there is such a thing as the right decision.

I mean, and I talked about this on one of my videos as well. There is a decision that you make and based on that decision, your life will follow a certain path until you need to make the next decision. That's not to say that it was the right decision. You could have taken another decision and that could have meant you follow a different path and still end up in a happy place. But so.

you're going to basically come to crossroads along your journey and it's always difficult to know if you're making the best decision or taking the best direction. But really, you know, this is where you do need to follow your gut because I really believe that your instinct is usually right. It may not be the best decision at the time.

because it can also become the right decision or the best decision down the road. Because let's face it, life is full of synchronicity. And I've experienced this firsthand, you know, making choices that didn't feel like the right choice at the time, but became the right choice later because of what followed soon after that, that synchronicity that came into play. And the other thing I always like to say is that

And actually this was something that my father-in-law taught me. There's no such thing as luck. You make your own luck. Yeah. Yeah. I completely agree with what you're saying and about making your own luck and finding yourself in the right place at the right time. I think is all about what, what you do and you create. Yeah. But, it's, it's putting yourself in that place. That's what, what, what we, what he meant by make you make your own luck because

Josh Felgoise (52:25.452)

You create the circumstance to put yourself in that place for that synchronicity event to take place. A hundred percent. What book or books do you recommend to anybody or a young guy who wants to kind of have a perspective like you have or just what are you reading? I'm curious. Yeah, I didn't read a lot. My wife always complains that I don't read enough.

I you I tried to read a lot of these sort of, let's call them corporate motivational books. One that I actually recommend is Stephen Covey's, which is the seven habits of highly effective people. That's one that I would really recommend. And for the rest, yeah, I can't really think of.

any off the top of my head. I've read a lot of diverse things, know, a lot of, you know, from leaders, you know, I'm a big fan, don't know if fan's the right word, of Nelson Mandela. So I've read some of his autobiographies. I just, you know, try and get views on life from people that have

experienced a lot of challenges and like Nelson Mandela for example and others. But there's plenty of books out there that, yeah, I mean my daughter has made a list for me I can't remember off the top of my head. But yeah, sorry I can't answer that question right now. You answered it well. I remember you referencing Stephen Covey's book in one of your videos. So I will definitely be checking that out.

And then my final question for you is what would you tell your younger self? Yeah, I did a video on that as well Probably the first thing would be to slow down and and look around you, you know, I was always in a rush Trying to get things done and just Swallowing up life, you know, maybe moving too quickly and the other one is if if

Josh Felgoise (54:46.766)

If you think it's a good idea, just do it and don't overthink it. And I touched a bit about that earlier on. Trying to think also another one. I also did a video on it, which is something that I was really bad at was judging people too quickly. know, it's actually Stephen Covey talks about in his book, The Paradigm Shift.

So try and understand people first. Try and understand the situation. Don't judge people too quickly and be kind. And don't put yourself on a pedestal. That's an important one. Sometimes our egos get in the way of ourselves. An ego, as I've said before, is not the same as self-confidence. One thing that I would really...

I think it's really important in the context of mental illness as well is don't pretend everything is okay if it's not okay. And reach out if it's not. You know, a lot of the time I try to deal with my struggles by myself and only when I really needed to did I reach out. Reach out more if you're struggling. It's okay. It's perfectly acceptable that people are struggling. So reach out.

And one other one that I really want to say to myself would have been to be proud of my accomplishments that I had because I did good and maybe I didn't see it at the time, but I did good and I took steps forward. I don't think we praise ourselves enough for the things that we have accomplished. You have really spectacular advice and I could listen to you all day.

And I think a lot of people will take really just a really great perspective from, what you shared in this episode. And I just look forward to following you on Tik TOK. I'm grateful you came on to be this for guys set to be your first podcast. I, we talked about how you would do in a long form setting, and I think you were incredible in a long form setting.

Josh Felgoise (57:09.224)

And yeah, this was just really, really awesome. And I look forward to reading your book whenever it comes out. I'd love to have you back on whenever that comes out. Great. Well, thanks very much, Josh. I really appreciate it. Keep up the important work that you're doing as well. cause we really, we need to build more awareness around the, the, struggles and, and help people, you know, be there for people. And let me just finish it with, besides saying thank you, Carpe Diem.

Carve Diem, thank you so love that you end every video with that. I think why do you end every video with that? It's from the movie with Robin Williams, Dead Poets Society. It just hit me at that time. I loved that movie and it really resonated with me, resonated with me at the time.

It was really, really nice to meet you. was a really good episode. I'm excited for people to hear it. All right. And keep up your podcasts. I've watched a few already, so good work. What do you think? What advice do you have for me on it? No, just keep it. think that the format that you do it is great because it's very engaging. It's casual, but also not too casual. So I think you touch on all the...

relevant topics you know just I know it's hard sometimes to find the material that you want to talk about it but I just you know when I go for walks or runs or whatever I come with up with the hey this is something that I think would be good to talk about and that's where it starts you know just keep it real like you're doing yeah thank you I appreciate that that means a lot thanks

Okay, have a good rest of the day. You too. Talk to you soon. Cheers. Well, I'll let you end it with that one more time so then we can actually send the audience away. Carpe Diem. How amazing was that episode? After listening, I came back on here to re-record the outro, which is what I'm doing right now. And I just wanted to share with you how impactful and influential I thought his advice was. I left that episode just feeling, I literally said at the end like, holy shit, that was like so, so good.

Josh Felgoise (59:25.598)

And just felt like what he shared was amazing. And it's one of the episodes that I, one of the conversations I left feeling so empowered by and just really impacted by. And I hope you felt the same way. I'm just proud of this episode and I can't wait to see where else I take this. If you liked this podcast, that's one, two, three, four, five stars at the top of the page. Please leave a review, follow, subscribe. It helps me. really appreciate that. It helps like the podcast rank. Thank you so much for doing that.

If you're on the other one, something that should be talked about for guys, twenties send me an email. It's josh at guyset.com j o s h at G U Y S E T.com or to my DMs at the guy set T H E G U Y S E T on all social media platforms, tick tock, Instagram, YouTube, Reddit, R slash guyset email on my website guyset.com. There's only places to meet me. There's a form down below in the show notes. Also give Martino a follow on a tick tock. It's at Martino advice. Thank you so much for listening and I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.