The Great Scattering

Josh Felgoise (00:00.206)

Welcome to Guy's Set, the guy's guide to what you should be talking about. I'm Josh, I'm 23 years old, and I'm here to find all the tips, advice, and recommendations for guys in their 20s. Let's get into it.

Josh Felgoise (00:18.126)

Hi guys, welcome back to guyset, the guys guide to what should be talked about. Thank you so much for having me today. I am so thrilled to be here. It's an absolute honor and a privilege for you to have me in your ears. This episode is a new idea that I'm starting this month and I will continue each month if you guys like it, if I like it.

And it's called the fives and this month it's the fives of March, kind like the ides of March, if you get that reference. but every month it'll be like the fives of April, the fives of May and the fives are five different things, obviously. And I'm holding a pen and this month, the fives are, and they'll change out, they'll change out depending on what I want to talk about, but maybe they'll say consistent. It's up in the air.

But this month, the fives are something I watched, something I read, something I listened to, something I tried and something I learned. And the first one I'm to talk about is something I watched and that would be Dune 2. If you haven't seen Dune 2, you must. Every day since I've seen it, I've thought about that movie. I'm usually not like a huge sci-fi nerd, sci-fi guy, but Dune 2 has changed my mind about that entire world of like world building and, and like

I don't know. I don't even know how to describe it, but it was so unbelievable. And this is like, sounds funny to say, but I've never been so inspired after leaving a movie. Like maybe an interstellar was the last time I felt that way. When I like left a movie and was like, that was a groundbreaking movie or something I watched. And I watched it with some friends who didn't feel the same way. I obviously had like some weird mental thing going on when I watched that movie because I had like a revelation that I just thought it was the most, one of the most groundbreaking movies I've seen in a long time.

But yeah, like similar to when I was watching Interstellar, was like this story, the acting, the directing, the cinematography, I'm using words I don't even know what they mean at this point. The music, just everything in that movie was perfect and it like fully took you into that world and made you feel like you were riding the sandworm if you know the movie. If you know the movie, you'll know I'm talking about. If you don't, Timmy DeShawmai rides the sandworm in that movie. Not in a sexual way, in a traveling way. We don't have to get into the plot, but.

Josh Felgoise (02:37.964)

I left that movie feeling like I wanted to go create something, whether it's this podcast episode or something else. Like I just needed to go like put something out into the world and see if people like it. If they don't, it's fine. But like just put something out into the world because it was so cool to see the amount of work and obviously effort and attention to detail and hours and hours and hours of unseen work that went into that movie to make that monstrous, incredible film.

So I was just inspired in that way of just like how many people it must have taken to make that that insanely huge movie. So that was the that's my first thing. If you haven't seen that you got to watch the movie. It's literally so good. I want to watch it again and again. And if you can get to a big screen to go see it I highly recommend it was one of my favorite movie watching viewing experiences I've had in a long time. I love going movies for that exact reason to feel like

fully immersed into something and feel like the world outside of that AMC reclining chair does not exist and all my thoughts and worries and feelings and anxieties are irrelevant to the world because I'm fully immersed in that movie. So haven't felt that way in really long time when watching a movie and I've felt that way so I highly recommend if you love movies, you love sci-fi, if you don't, if you're not into that at all, like you're still gonna love this movie.

Maybe like a little bit confused by the plot if you haven't seen the first one. Sorry. I recommend watching the first one. I didn't feel this way at all about the first one. I didn't leave that movie being like that was a feat that they like made that movie and the amount of effort and detail and I'm most a lot of people did feel that way. I don't know. I just like I was like that was a lot of sand and like felt long and like the fight scenes were cool and like I don't know. I didn't have that exact. didn't have that same reaction but you should watch the first one before we watch the second just for some story. You'll probably still be confused about some of the story. It's like

There's a lot going on, but yeah, you should watch that. Okay. So that's my first one, something I watched. So the next one is something I've read and this month it's the psychology of money, which I'm reading right now and I assigned it or like, I don't know, made it the first guy set book club ever, which I started this month. So if you still want to read it, there's still time to join. And then I'll do my rundown of that book as a separate episode. I'll probably drop it on a Thursday because the, not everybody of the normal Tuesday squad read it. I'm assuming.

Josh Felgoise (04:58.286)

Thanks to the couple of you guys who reached out and asked for the copy. did a giveaway of five books and I sent those out last week. So if you are reading the book right now and you want to send in your thoughts, I'm going to make, Oh, this is such a good idea. Oh my God. I'm making a Google form and I'll put it below in the show notes. If you're listening on Spotify, Apple music, wherever you're listening, that you should like be able to go down and see the show notes. There's usually like a description. I put some like stupid shit about this episode.

and I put like where you can follow me, where you can reach out to me, but I'll put like a Google form there and you can just like submit your writing and all your thoughts about it. You can say whatever you want and I'll read it out on my review of that book as well. I'll be fully transparent with you. I haven't read that much of it. I've been really busy. I'm listening to it. If you count that as reading, I'm audio booking it, audible in it. And I'm not that far into it yet, but I really like it so far. I'm not that far. Like I would be lying if I said I,

I'd be lying if I said I had like a, I had a really well formed opinion of it right now. I don't. I plan to listen to it, read, listen to it this week. Obviously I'll finish it before I give my review of it. I'm not a fraud, but I would be a fraud if I said that I like did enough to talk about it right now, but that's what I'm reading this month. When I do this again, I'll have something that I've actually read and can give an opinion on, but that's what I'm reading. Okay. The next one is something I listened to. I listened to a

podcast called the Mel Robbins podcast. Let me get the full name for it. Let me get the full name of it. and my mom sent it to me. She always sends me these podcasts. It's called the Mel Robbins podcast. And this episode is specifically called 13 things I wish I knew in my twenties. And this one was from March 11th. I highly recommend you listen to this. I, you will not find me promoting other podcasts beside mine, but that means when I do, that means they're good. Like, and when they're good, they deserve to be promoted and I want

anybody listen to this or the audience of guys that to hear the stuff that I really think will resonate and this really resonated with me I'll talk about one thing she harped on a lot in this episode and it's called the scat the great scattering we'll get into that in a second but you should really listen to this episode she gives 13 things she wish she knew in her 20s obviously as that's the title and I would say her audience isn't really like the people like guys in their 20s usually

Josh Felgoise (07:20.6)

but she has such good shit to say so if you like that episode I'm sure you'll like more of her stuff I've really been liking what she has to say recently she really brings in her own life and her own experiences into her episodes it's I listen to some I listened to lot of podcasts for like inspiration for these episodes and stuff like that she's become one of the ones I listen to because she really like intertwines her own life into the into her words very very well and

like exposes herself in a way that isn't too much, also enough to make her relatable and real and authentic and make you feel like you're in her shoes too. Like she was kind of like a mess. I'll say a mess. She was kind of like a mess in her twenties and she talks all about that. And these are the things that she, that, that if she knew them at that age would have like drastically changed the way she looked at herself, looked at, she talks about money and mindset and

waking up and friends and relationships and just so many different things, jobs, networking. It's really great, great episode. It's like an hour long. I'll post about it too, cause I really think it's one that everybody should hear. But yeah, so that's something I listened to. And then I'll go into the something I learned because that is directly from that podcast, two things I learned. But I'll talk about the one from Mel Robbins first. She talks about this thing called the great scattering. I've talked about before that I love giving names to things I think

Having a label on something makes it easier to comprehend. So she talks about this thing called the great scattering and that is basically after college, exactly what I'm always talking about. And it's when everybody in your life who you know, your friends that you've grown up with from elementary school to middle school to high school to college, you're all in a very similar trajectory at the same time at the same age.

And then after college, everybody drastically changes what they're doing, their path in life, their relationships, their job, where they're living, all of this stuff scatters and she calls it the great scattering. And I think it's a really, really cool label for what happens after college, because the path that you all shared before going from here to here, to here, to here, to attending classes, to applying for jobs, to, uh, going to parties, to just like everything we all did the same is now

Josh Felgoise (09:42.52)

totally shifted. Everybody like breaks off and everything you knew before is no longer true and everybody's on a different path. And I think it's really cool to give it that name is what I've said now three times. And the reason I think I love this so much is first of all, it's incredibly true. Like we're all right now on incredibly different paths and I'm sure you feel this exactly the way I feel it. Talked about this many times before, but like some people are living at home. Some people are in apartments, some people are in different cities, some people are having different jobs, some people don't have a job, some people in relationships, some people are dating, some people are single.

Some people are unhappy. Some people are really happy. Like there's just every different thing that could happen. Every combination of things that could happen to people is happening right now. Some people are thriving. Some people are not. It's like, it's just a total mishmash of everything. And she said if, if she knew that going into her twenties, it would have given her a lot of perspective on not feeling like she's behind.

If we can recognize this and understand it now, it will help everybody. It will help us all not feel like we're all so behind or it will stop us from comparing ourselves to everybody else. made a whole episode on comparing yourself to your friends. If we recognize that we're all in this period of the great scattering and that everybody is in different places in their life and we're all going toward different paths and at some time people are going to be in great spots. Other times that person may be in a terrible spot. Same with you. You may be in an amazing spot now.

or not in three weeks and it all could shift on a second's notice for any single person. But if we recognize that and know it, it will stop us from constantly comparing ourselves and looking at what everyone else is doing and thinking everybody else is so much more successful than we are and all that stuff that we constantly do that makes us anxious, makes us feel like we're behind, makes us feel like running out of time, all those things. So if you recognize it and give it a name and label it, I think it really helps. That's the first thing I learned. The second thing I learned is

about anxiety and I don't know if this is as much of a learning as sorry I got a hinge message I don't know if this is as much of a learn not a flex I'm just I've been waiting for that girl to respond my god my boss is calling me hold on okay I don't know where I was but I'm gonna pick up from the have you ever experienced this and I'm sure you have it's a very relatable experience you've sent a text to

Josh Felgoise (12:04.32)

a friend or a hookup or relationship or a situation, chip somebody, and they don't respond for like an hour or two, not an abnormal time to not respond, but for some reason in that timeframe, you've convinced yourself that they hate you. They never liked you. They never want to see you again. They were never your friend. They never wanted to get with you. Like all those things they've ghosted you, they're done with you and you're never going see them again. Like they're no longer your friend in that time span.

You've spun out so much and you can convince yourselves of all these things and you feel like the world is ending with this friendship and it's over. And then they magically respond, not magically because it's normal because humans were like, take a little bit of time to respond. Maybe they had meetings, maybe it was during the work day or something like it's not abnormal to take two hours to respond. And then when they respond and you see that little text, LOL, the world is back to normal.

You could solve world peace. You could solve world hunger because you feel like this imaginable weight has been lifted off your shoulders and everything is okay. Again, do you know what I'm talking about when I experienced this? And in that timeframe, when you have spun yourself out so intensely, that person doesn't even know that you were anxious about their response because it was, didn't deserve this. Like a mass. It wasn't like a big text. It was just a normal text. That person has no idea what you have convinced yourself of in the past.

20 minutes to an hour of they're not responding. And if they knew what they would have caused, they would have responded a second later. Like they didn't know that you, they would cause this huge catastrophe and like mental breakdown in your head. If they didn't respond, had no idea. And they just responded like, LOL, like, okay, sounds good. Like something very normal because realistically none of what you've convinced yourself of or created in your head exists. You've convinced yourself of this,

crazy scenario that just is not real. Like I don't know why that happens. Well, I do. And that's the conclusion I came up with. And that's the thing I'm thinking about. And when I think this happens most for me is when I don't get enough sleep or I didn't go to the gym in the morning or I didn't get any movement in or I didn't haven't gone outside and I haven't left my apartment because I'm working from home. When I haven't drank enough water, when I spent the entire morning scrolling on my phone and scrolling TikTok and watching random videos.

Josh Felgoise (14:21.868)

When I haven't left the apartment, when I haven't gone for a walk, when I haven't like called a friend or done all that stuff, I'll spin like that once in a while. And I think it's just like lack of sleep or all those other things combined. But like the anxiety you can cause yourself in the stories you can make up in your head that are so wild, like your mind is a wild place. You can run fucking wild with so many scenarios that you can make up and they don't exist. Like none of it exists. So that's.

I thought about anxiety and the thing I'm thinking about and I have realized that like there's no reason to spin like that and instead I should just like go outside or like put my phone down for a little while and like take a breath like none of this is that serious life's okay like when that does happen to me or if that ever happens to you my recommendation is to put your phone down like take a phone break put it down for a couple hours go outside drink some water like

take a nap, like do the things that you know are probably problematic for you or the are probably like holding you back. And I'm also going to set a morning routine. And I think a lot of this has stemmed from the fact that I've completely lost my morning routine and spend my morning scrolling on my phone in bed and snooze my alarm. And when I have a morning routine and I was getting up and going to the gym and

not checking my phone for the first 30 minutes of the day and like doing all the things that I know were good for me. None of that happened. I wasn't as anxious and my mind was so much clearer. So I know exactly why that's happening to me and I'm going to make the changes to make that not happen to me or change the channel in my head because we all have control of the remote and we can change the channel in our head to get out of that crazy channel that makes us believe that everybody hates us because they don't like it's all good. No one hates you. It's fine.

And if they do, then that's their loss. So you're probably a great person. So those are the fives of March. Those are the fives of this month. And the next month I'll come with five more things and continue this through the next couple months. If you guys like it, if I like it, I think I really do. I like the fact that I have a place to talk about some of like the pop culture and culture stuff that I've watched and liked recently as well. I haven't found a great format to do that. So I think I feel like this is probably a really good format for that.

Josh Felgoise (16:44.398)

and also bring up like other podcasts and other thoughts that aren't specifically or that don't require a full episode on. But I want to talk about and bring on here. So thank you so much for listening to guys that the guys got to be talked about. If you like this episode, I really hope you did. Please like subscribe, leave a review, give it a positive comment, give the episode notes or give the podcast five stars on Spotify, Op Music, wherever listening to this. It really helps me. I appreciate that.

If you have any questions, send them into my, same with it. So, sorry, sorry. Really quick. Same with my, same with the book club thing. There will be a form below and it will say, ask guys set below and it's a Google form and you can just submit your question right there. I feel like that's easier than sending it to my email. Somebody actually emailed me this past week and it was about a hinge profile. So I will do an episode on hinge, my own hinge profile, which I don't think I've done yet. I did one.

with my friend Luke and we did, talked about his hinge, hinge, but we didn't talk about mine specifically. Talked about like prompts here and there, but I'll do a full episode running through it because that was the ask. and I take all that shit very seriously. Whenever someone reaches out with something, I will definitely make a full episode on it. So if you have any questions, something you want me to talk about something that should be talked about for guys in their twenties, there is now a Google form in the show notes, right? Where there's a description about, that's like a dumb description of what this episode is, where you can contact me on Instagram and all that stuff.

There's two forms, one for Ask Guyset, the other one for your thoughts on the Guyset Book Club of the Month, Psychology of Money. The Ask Guyset one will be the first form. The one below it is the other one. It'll be clearly labeled. You'll be able to read it very clearly, understand it all. So I'm excited about that. So don't have to send an email. don't have to to the website. can just, I'm making it easier for everybody. Go down right where you're listening right now and you can leave a question right there. Super easy, super simple, anonymous.

Okay, thank you so much for listening and I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.