The End of an Era with Reid Becker

This week I am joined by my roommate, Reid, who I have lived with for the past three years and now we are moving out in about three weeks. He's moving to a new city with his girlfriend. He just started a new job and I thought this would be the perfect time to have him back on to talk about all the change in his life and the fact that we are moving out from our apartment.

He shares some really great advice and tips on relationships and how to keep the spark alive in long distance relationships, starting a new job, interviewing for jobs, staying in touch with friends who don't live in the same city as you, and all the other things that guys in their twenties are thinking about and wondering about, but most likely aren't talking about. It also happens to be one of the funniest episodes I think I've ever put out. So without further ado, please welcome Reed Becker to GuySent.

Josh Felgoise (01:18.956)

You sat on a microphone. Test testing one, two, three. sat on the microphone testing. Should my dogs be out? People's dogs? look, you can't see. You can see yourself on the camera. Well, I don't have my contacts in so I can't, I understand. You're very widely man spreading. And you're wearing you dressed up very nicely for the podcast. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. I spent a long time dressing up for this. Well, you couldn't stay away from the podcast.

I know. So this is your second appearance. Can I tell you what happened after the first appearance? Go ahead. my God. I was bombarded with podcasters, people reaching out for wanting to interview you out, reaching out, begging. No, nobody heard that first episode. That was the 13th episode. No, that was, that was at the point. One of the highest episodes. was the 13th episode.

I got the date. recorded September 19th, 2023. you're telling me I'm your 13th reason. You're my 13th reason. This was our, 13th episode. And, um, I wanted to bring you back on. We've now lived together for three years. Wow. And we have three weeks left. That's crazy. Living together. Um, and I thought it would be good episode to talk about the transition period of living together for so long. And now you're going to live with your girlfriend and I'm going to live my own.

I'll about that separately in other episodes, but I want to talk about you today. Thank you for asking about my transition. You can't that. You actually can't say that. It's funny. So reintroduce yourself to new listeners and share who you are, how we know each other. All right. Hi, new listeners. I'm Reed. Okay. I'm going to lower the volume a little bit. You're a little loud. Okay. It's fine. I'll do it. I'll do it in post-production. All right. Hi, new listeners. Wait, is it too loud?

Hi new listeners. Can I not directly say hi to them? You've said it three times. are listening. They hear you. All right. Just want to make sure you're listening listeners. So I'm Reed. I am Josh's good friend. And we've been living together for the last three years. We interned in the same place. we lived. It's been over three years. We lived together for a summer. Yes. And then three years in this apartment. Yes. We lived in a shoe box for a summer.

Josh Felgoise (03:42.252)

in the West Village. And we've been living in this great spot for the last three years with our other buddy, Jordan. Yeah, we have a third roommate and we love very dearly. Well, I love him more than you. OK. And yes, it's a competition. Yeah, it always is. I think I asked you on our first episode who fights the most between all of the roommates. Yes. And do want to share your answer? It's a clear answer. So I fight with Josh. Jordan fights with Josh.

Reed and Jordan do not fight. sometimes it is Reed and Jordan fighting Josh. That's a good one. never been you versus Jordan. No, it was ever gotten into an argument or disagreement. Have we gotten into a spiff? Hmm. And if he comes through the door at some point, we'll, we'll, we can address him or both relatively chill. So usually not, but am I not chill? You're less chill than we are. I agree. I very much so agree.

Think we've definitely had gotten under each other's skin and annoyed each other. It's three years. Yeah, of course, but we've never gotten into an Argument, okay of substance. So who are you like a little more? Okay, so I'm Reed. 25 years old I Grew up in Philly went to Pitt at school great school then moved here. I was at BNY Mellon for the last three years and recently

I got a new job. we could talk about your new job. Yes. We'll talk about that later. That's a second topic. How are you feeling? Actually, let's talk about it now. You brought it up. How are you feeling on my background? How are you feeling in the new job? I feel good. So I'm about you. And why did you leave your first job? All right. So I'll start with that. Yeah, that's first job because great job, great company, great boss and team. I love them all. And I still love them all. I WhatsApp them because a majority of my team is actually in London.

Okay, and that was a semi struggle for me because I like the face-to-face interaction and I wasn't getting that because they were across the pond right It's also across the pond also They are on a completely different time zone than you so you were either getting up like early Or they had to respond late like that's that's tough. It was both across the it was You had you had insanely long it was early and night I think you can say that and anybody listening from your old team who's not gonna be listening, but anybody

Josh Felgoise (06:04.814)

So why did why did you leave? Well, I just found this new opportunity. I thought it was right for me. I just wanted to change after three years. Yeah, mix it up and I applied to a bunch of spots got rejected by a ton of places. How many how many interviews did you take? I had a lot of interviews and how long you know that well, but I'm they don't know and how long was your search process? The search was and you can correct me if I'm wrong. I feel like it's three to four months. That's probably right. And I had

to in total how many interviews did I have? I could have had...

50? Is that a crazy amount? I don't know if you had 50 interviews. Well, think about this. I think I interviewed at over 10 companies and each company interviewed me at least three to five times. Yeah, that's well, the interview processes at each place were super long. How many companies did interview at? Yeah, probably, probably 10 to 20. And what is your biggest piece of advice to somebody in that process right now? Starting to find a new job, transitioning from the first job to a new job.

Well, don't get down on yourself because rejection happens. I got down on yourself.

Josh Felgoise (07:18.049)

Okay. just wants to completely stop my train of thought, I understand. understand. He asked me to do him a favor to get on this podcast and he completely cuts me off. This is why I'm leaving actually. So my girlfriend is a beard and she is just an excuse. I just need to move out from this kid. need a break. I won't do that. I won't need to different cities. And yes, this can stay in the podcast. I'm not going to edit it all.

I plan to not edit any of this. That's perfect. From you sitting on the microphone to right now. That's perfect. I heard my big butt hit the microphone. Okay, sorry. So what is your advice to somebody finding a new job transitioning from a first job to a second job? So don't be hard on yourself. be hard on yourself. Yes, that's better. So I probably got rejection letters every single day for over two months. Right. And originally I thought it was me. I'm doing something wrong.

I'm interviewing incorrectly and it probably was a little bit of me, but a lot of it had to do with going on the market. Right. My competition was I competing against someone who had 10 years of experience and I only had three years of experience. Yeah. Yeah. Of course I would pick the person who had more experience. And after I got through that mind hurdle, how did you do it? Like what, how did you deal with all of the rejection during that time? And how did you get over that? I talked with friends, family, girlfriend, and actually got an interview coach.

Okay, explain that process. So I thought I couldn't communicate well with somebody and it was leaking, leaking into my work life. I started not being able to present well or not be able to talk to my boss and accurately explain what I was trying to do. Cause you were so deep in your head. Deep into my head about interview process. Right. So I found this interview coach and she was excellent and she gave me this analogy. hope it's analogy. You know, is. She said that

if you were a patient and you got a nurse either with shaky hands or steady hands, which would you want? And obviously you'd want the one with steady hands to inject you with a needle versus the one who's shaky hands. And so that really helps me because even though if I don't know an answer or they don't like what I'm saying, I gotta be confident with it. And if I'm confident, they seem to resonate with that better. And yes. Yeah, now keep going.

Josh Felgoise (09:40.174)

And after I really believed that I started getting a lot more successful with my interviews. I was going deeper and deeper into the rounds, five, six, seven. And finally, I actually got a few offers and I accepted the one that really fit my work life balance, what I was looking for. And it seems to be a challenge, which is what I wanted. Do you think like when you heard that piece of advice or like that analogy from her, like it actually really was the tipping point for you.

because you just kind of like started faking it till you made it. So it's probably what was a culmination of things, but being able to visualize what I was doing wrong and how to do it better, even though it's silly, like I'm not a nurse, I'm not a doctor. but it's like you have to have confidence in what you're saying. 100%. And I think originally I did, but after the rejection, rejection, rejection, it got on me and it really shook my confidence. Yeah.

But just visualizing that, of course I wouldn't want someone who is shaky. I want someone who's confident. just believing in myself and believing in that helped me do better. I actually think that's incredibly interesting because I don't think, I think that applies to so many situations. Like if you get rejected by so many people, whether you're going on a bunch of dates, like that rejection really shakes your confidence. Whether it's interviews, like I think it applies to a lot of situations in life.

And if you're constantly getting rejected, it's really easy to fall down that path and like lose your confidence. We probably had it all before. And then like during that three month period where you just got rejection after rejection after rejection, you were just like, fuck, like what is wrong with me? And then you started getting shakier and shakier. And even though I would get things outside that would tell me I was doing well, like my boss said she was going to promote me and other people said great work, Reed, just getting those rejections was the only thing on my mind. Right.

But after I just had to get over that hump Accept that people get rejected all the time or maybe that's just me But I think it's I mean I had I had Luca on to talk about his one of my friends Luca on to talk about his job experience and finding a new job and he talked a lot about a lot of rejection too, so I think it's a common thing that most people experience and you kind of expect that like after Having a job for two or three years like it should be really easy to find another one

Josh Felgoise (11:53.388)

And it's not, and I think that's a really big knock to confidence. think that that's probably everybody, everybody's experience in finding a new job. It's not as easy as you expect it to. And that's why it's so hard to. agree. Two things. One, Luca, good guy. Go check out his episode. Okay. That's a little plug for you. I appreciate it. He appreciates it. You're welcome, Luca. I hope he listens. And two, now I'm in my new job. I'm thriving. I'm getting a lot of responsibility. two weeks in. Can you really say thriving?

I feel like my boss says I'm doing well. All right. That's great. He did send me a message at the end of last week saying, I'm really happy you joined. You're providing a lot of great value. That's great. And I'm super happy that you're here. Okay. That's amazing. So he could just be saying that. No, he's not just saying that. What is your advice to somebody starting a new job? Definitely meet as many people as you can possibly can. So was that his correct sentence? Whatever. Yeah, it is. is. Like I'm talking to not only people within my business line. I'm talking to people just within, I work at a bank within

the bank, the different areas, just meeting as many people, learning the culture, learning the system, and just getting your name out there. Because you don't know who could potentially help you in the future, who might lean on you. So just getting your name out there, providing the best work possible, and just keep killing it. What about the first day of work? What advice can you provide to somebody who's going into work for the first time? So I was pretty nervous, because...

The last time I got a new job was over three years ago. Yeah. Even I guess even more because I interned at that place. So I was the last time I had an actual new employer was junior year of college. It's kind of crazy. Crazy to think about. Yeah. Yeah. Also just going back to the interview process like you hadn't interviewed in five years. Correct. Yeah. And I have I interviewed two years ago for the first time again. And of course you're shaky like you have to update your resume. It's all the things you don't do every single year. But yeah that's what reminded me of that.

And that reminds me of something as well. I was being very robotic in my interview process. I had done it so many times that I had memorized what I wanted to say and it came out robotic, memorized and the other side, they're like, this kid just memorizes this. He doesn't care about this. There's no passion. It doesn't come off as genuine. does not come off as genuine. I did it so many times. It was ingrained in my brain. So I started actually just not preparing as much and going off the rip.

Josh Felgoise (14:17.382)

And which we talked about actually. Yeah. At one point, which you don't like to give me credit for. And that's fine. Yes. I'm not giving him credit. It's fine. You don't have to. But we did talk about it and I asked for your answers and I gave you the word. I was like, you sound robot. This did happen. This scenario happened. And I give him a smidge of credit. I appreciate this. I'll take what I can get. But like I felt that way when I was interviewing because you do tell the same story every single time. Like exactly. You only have one elevator pitch. You prepare one thing.

But like if you can add in a little bit of personality or apply it to that situation a little bit more, a little bit differently, like that's when you show up a little differently to the person. A hundred percent. I just was more energetic. Right. obviously I had pointed questions, but it wasn't robotic. I just had the points I wanted to hit. Yeah. But then I was asking them questions. It was more fluid. was more like a conversation than an interview process. And that's where I really thrived. It was more conversational than question, answer, question, answer. And it felt that, and that's what they want is a conversation.

They want to see that you can thrive in an environment where like there's pressure on you. You had something. No, something funny. That's totally off topic. That'll save till the end. They'll say it now. I don't want to forget it. It's fine. It's inappropriate though. All right. Rip it. So I was thinking about the last time that we were talking and how at the end I was talking about how I walked in on you. We like to make a big announcement. He now has a girlfriend since I last went on the pod. So now that does not happen.

You asked for it. You literally asked for it. We're having a serious conversation about work. It was in my head. I can't tell you. You asked for it. I wanted to push it off, but you pressed me. All right. I'm going to I'm going to bleep. I'm going to I'm going to put I've never bleeped before, but I'm to put a little bleep over that. OK, on to the next topic. Yes. Thank you for transitioning it. Have you how have you changed these past two years since you've been on the podcast?

Well, let's see. A lot of things have been happening in my last couple of weeks. So I like to tell people I got a new job, but I'm also moving to a new city. And I don't know how she'll feel about this, but I'm getting a new girl. As a total slip, I'm going to say a new roommate. I'm not sure how my girlfriend will feel about that. We love you, Michelle. Yes, yes, yes. Same girlfriend. She's fantastic. That is really funny.

Josh Felgoise (16:41.484)

That is a lot of change. I think this is like the perfect time for you to come back on, which is why I was excited to have you back on because you're in a period where like most, a lot of listeners are either going to be in in a year, in two years now, currently like at some point soon, especially in your twenties, like, you're all, you're experiencing it all at once. How do you feel about it all? Are you overwhelmed? So

Slightly overwhelmed, but I'm actually more excited. Obviously I'm sad because I loved living with you love Jordan and I have a bunch of buddies in the city and New York is fantastic I mean this weekend I was able to go to a great Italian restaurant and went to a Broadway show and then a comedy show Tell us about your date. Okay, so it was our six-year Metaversary it's a long time. Yes. Okay. Do does do the viewers know what a metaversary is?

No, tell everybody what that is. Okay, so Metaversary is the first time you meet your girlfriend. And so I met my girlfriend on July 4th, six years ago. It's pretty crazy. It's crazy. And so we usually do a little celebrating. So we took, we went to Meesee, which is this yummy Italian spot. Spending your new salary very nicely. Yes. Thank you, new employer. Then we went to see the outsiders.

because you recommended it. did you think? And it was fantastic. Very emotional. have a favorite song? Favorite song? I really liked the older brother. He was the best. He was my favorite too. He was fantastic. had a bunch of great songs. Yeah. And I also thought the guy who was the pack leader was good. The pack leader, like the main guy? Not the main guy, the one that was in and out of County Jail.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, he was great too. Really good. So great show, highly recommend. Shout out the outsiders. Yeah, shout out the outsiders. I've been to over double digits musicals now. You're a big musical guy. Apparently, I don't know why. You like them. I do like them. I do like them. I would never put myself as someone, but I guess I do like them. Then we went to the Comedy Cellar. That's a great thing. It's a great...

Josh Felgoise (18:51.64)

date night. It's a great thing do when you're in the city. Like the fact that we can walk to a show is really crazy. easy. And we can go to TKTS and get cheaper tickets or go do the lottery and hopefully win. Yeah. And then we went to the Comedy Cellar because we love comedy shows. It's our favorite place, the Comedy Cellar. And we saw someone my girlfriend knew. I had no idea. But he was on SNL. Marcelo. Marcelo Hernandez. And he was hilarious. And the rest of the crew was hilarious. That's a great one. Yeah. But

We were sat in a booth and it was my girlfriend and I and they put four other randos next to us. So you were in the back? No, we were in the middle. Oh good seats. It was just a booth and it was six of us. They pack it in. They packed it. They really pack it in there and it was a midnight show. So it's pretty late. What time did it end? 1 30 and around two ish. That's a long show. Yes. Okay. And we got hammered. So I have never been that drunk at the Comedy Salon before, but we had three drinks. had some gin drink. That was yummy. Okay.

And the guys next to us were hammered as well. They weren't drinking. One got a Diet Coke, one got a Coke, one went crazy and got fries. Fries are great there. And about halfway through the show, one of these guys, one of these guys is just schlumped over. He's sleeping. No way. Did they wake him up? No. That's crazy. But the waitress came over to us and said, do you want more drinks? And I said, obviously. And then she made the comment, I can't believe this guy's sleeping. I said, I can't believe it either.

Did she not wake him up? No, he just wasn't like snoring. No, he was just like, are you kidding me? And everyone's laughing around. Of course. This guy is schlumped over. That's great. It's late. It was late. Yeah. And then afterwards, we had a nightcap at our old stomping ground. Wicked Willies. Keep going down the hatch. It is another comedy place. The Grizzly Pear. Wow. We went to the Prickly Pear. Is it the Grizzly Pear or the Prickly Pear? One of those.

We went there and got a drink. used to go to see comedy shows there all the time. always they have like people on the street selling you tickets and they go there all the time. Great spot. So then we came back here and then the next day we went to the Natural History Museum. OK. Which was very cool because they had a special exhibit about my favorite animal, which is drum roll, please. Let's see. Drum roll, please. To him. Does he know my favorite animal? Elephants. Elephants. And it was awesome.

Josh Felgoise (21:14.858)

Michelle loved the insect exhibit, is pretty interesting. Do you know there's a mosquito the size of a stop sign? It's crazy. I was asking you if you were overwhelmed about this transition and how, did we get here? Okay. Sorry. You asked about my date night. There is a there is a mosquito the size of a stop sign. Yeah. It's huge. Where? Well, there's a, there's one obviously not live, but in the museum. Okay. And then we saw other exhibits and that was cool. And then

We came back here. That's great. And we went to Omakase. Wait, you're giving like a three day. I asked for like one date night. But I have a shout out for the viewers because it's BOGO for this Omakase place. OK, you're shouting out an Omakase place. Omakase place sponsored sponsored sponsored ad. Not sponsored. Can you imagine my first sponsor is an Omakase place? OK, are you feeling... Let's go back. Are you feeling overwhelmed?

Now that you've told everybody how you're spending your new paycheck, thank you for sharing. welcome, viewers. Are you, how are you feeling about the transition process? this, because personally I would feel, I'm feeling a little anxious about moving on my own. it's honestly. will tell you. So I was anxious. We spent a weekend and we toured apartments in Philly. Okay. So we crammed it into really one day. We toured nine places in one day. How was that? It was exhausting. Yeah. It's horrible.

And there were some good places, some bad places, different areas, price points, amenities, et cetera. We ended up picking this great apartment because it suited one, the location necessity. I needed to be within a 10 minute walk from the Amtrak. Yeah, because you're commuting. Because I'm commuting. Yeah. It had to be near the hospital that she was going to be working at. OK. And it is. And we were also really looking for at least a one bed, one office or a two bed.

And so we got a two bed, that's going to become an office for me. So I'm working well. Michelle, my girlfriend, who's a night nurse is sleeping. It's great. Yes. I had something to say. some people have written in and asked this question. How are you guys? It's like when I'm moving in with a girlfriend, how do we split? Like, are you guys splitting rent? you furniture? Like, can you walk us through that? Yes. So this is what's causing me anxiety is the furnishing of the apartment. Okay. So we've created a spreadsheet.

Josh Felgoise (23:34.99)

with all of what we need couch, TV, kitchen table, dresser, et cetera. We decided on a budget and I said we can get whatever we want as long as our things fit within the budget. So I don't care if we spend, this is exaggerating, five, $6,000 on a couch and $100 on a kitchen table. Or if they're 1500 couch, 1500 table, whatever, as long as it's in our budget.

I'm good to go. And you're letting her decide all the furniture. She is picking them out and then we're to go through them together to decide on the one. How are you guys splitting like the payment payment? We are splitting it 50 50. And then how about rent for the first rent for the first year going to be 50 50. Okay. We decided that it's just best. Somebody asked me that. Go ahead. Yeah. Sorry. No, no, it is best one because I have a lot of Amtrak fees. I'm going to be paying additional and to my commute is

three hours round trip compared to her much shorter commute. So that's not monetary, but it's time wise. And we just thought it was best for this year to split. I mean, it's a question that I got asked and I was like, I, I answered it on two weeks ago. And like I said, it just depends on your financial situation, like each other. But I wanted to ask you that because I was like, yeah, we didn't really, I mean, I think it was just a, not assumed. I think we briefly discussed it. We thought for the first year it'd be best.

What are you gonna miss most about living with me? Let's start with what I'm not gonna miss most. Let's start with that. I'm totally exposing you right now. Oh shit. But when I go into the bathroom sometimes, there are some crazy poop stains in the toilet. Okay, I'm gonna cut this part as well. What? You asked for it. You asked for it. Alright, what are you, what is the, I was gonna ask you this next question.

I'm worried you're gonna have the same answer. What's been the most surprising thing about living together for the past three years? Most surprising. Hmm. No, I'll say a different answer.

Josh Felgoise (25:43.562)

I think you're relatively cleaner than what I expected. Did you think I was? You're much dirtier than me. that's debatable. That's debatable. I think I am a cleaner. You're. I think I'm clean. hear that hesitation. I was going to say you're dirty, but I don't think you're dirtier. I think you're messier than me. I think we're actually very equally messy. both messy. Like I think you're clean because I'm messy. If you look around behind, I mean like.

Okay Yeah, I'm glad the viewers can't see any of this. It's we're both pretty messy Like we're all messy. We're all messy, which is a good thing because if there was one of us that was like super clean I think it would be a problem. I agree. I agree. Let me think of another thing. I think it's a good answer Let's see. I'm relatively cleaner than you thought I would be did you like think I like that's the answer That's what came to my head. That's why

I a lot more questions. go to the next one. No, I have good things to say. Let's see. Nah, not that one.

What were you going to say? This is a surprise. My newt. But when I moved in with you, I would never think that I'd be staring at your golf clubs while we had an interview. You've gotten into golfing. I'm proud of you. Um, yeah, I shouldn't have left them there for the entire time. I'm looking at them right now and realizing that. Yeah. Oh, this is good. And he recently helped me out. So I'm putting you in a good light. So I'm not a big fan of big bugs.

And recently there was a monster bug. would say at least five to six inches that was on my roof in my room. And I called in the troops and the troops are AKA Josh. And so he took a book and did what he needed to do. Thank you. And now we're here having a podcast. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. what advice would you give to new?

Josh Felgoise (27:52.718)

New roommates are these people that know each other or total randos? Friends because I think like and I think this is actually pretty interesting I think some people are really good as friends and not good as roommates and I think some people are good as both I think we happen to be very good as both. I think it's I think that's very hard to do as well I agree. So let's say like friends that are becoming roommates Friends that are becoming roommates. Well, I've had the luck so in the last seven years

I've only lived with two groups of people. It's kind of crazy. That is crazy. So my entire college career, lived with the same three people. And here, since moving after school, living with the same people. That is crazy. But with some advice, I would say is that I would definitely discuss your likes and dislikes, because there's some things that I dislike. And if I didn't tell Josh or Jordan, then they would never know. And I can't blame them if they don't know. What's an example?

My advice would be to just clean up after yourself. So if you see that the trash can is full, go and take it out. Same with the recycling. If the kitchen table is dirty, it takes just a minute to clean. And your roommates definitely notice it and appreciate it. Same with toilet paper. If the toilet paper's out, just put a new roll on.

Dishwasher, like just take out, if they're clean, take them out. The little things are noticed by everybody. Same with the sink, same with pans. Like I actually think there's a lot of things that add up that make somebody a good roommate versus a bad roommate. This was a flaw of mine in like college. I left shit in the sink all the time. I've definitely talked about that on here before too. And my two roommates would get pissed at me about that. And I realized like how much it annoyed them. And I was like, that's such an easy thing to fix. Why would I not just?

fix it. No, and something you and Jordan both do really well is that you guys told me that people are coming over. Your friends are coming over and saying, that's another one. Yeah. his brother's coming and say over the couch. I don't care. As long as you guys just tell me. Yeah. Yeah. I think that I think it's like two categories of things. Like one it's cleaning up after yourself, which like, especially as guys like Pete guys just don't do as much as you'd expect. And it sounds like a very easy, simple thing to be like clean up after yourself. it

Josh Felgoise (30:00.17)

Isn't like always just you just forget you leave something out very forgetful creatures. are forgetful creatures but I think people forget to like take like Take a dish out of the sink or take the trash I mean if you look over our trash right now like it's a great example of like that's such an easy thing to do that We are just lazy and we both just walked by it multiple times a hundred percent and like after this I'm gonna go take it out because like we're one of us we probably for the third follow-up I'll let you know if he does take it out

It'll be on the screen like he did not take it out after this. I'm pretty funny probably won't um So yeah, I think that's all good advice. Is there anything else you have to say on that? Like things you wish someone told you before you moved lived in with lived started living with two guys I'll tell you something. I wish we did more. Okay, we had a good idea We did a little bit, but I would have liked I which I think this would be fun But this is just what I like to do. I like if we cook together, it would have been fun. Yeah, I agree we have like

We did it yesterday. I mean we were watching the goaded show Love Island and We were just hanging out chatting. That's awesome. I agree If we did that, I guess if we did that more I think that would be fun But we are so busy like I went to Philly you you Jordan's busy you're busy right, but I think doing like cooking together would have been super fun. Yeah

But that's just me, I like cooking. I think our schedules didn't overlap as much as any of us expected. Yeah. We hoped that they would. They don't overlap at all. Like at all. I think with work, with new jobs, with like girlfriends, with friends, it's hard to find time. I think this is actually something else I would say. I think because you live with somebody, like that doesn't necessarily like mean you're hanging out with them. 100%. Yeah. Like I don't think, I think there's been weeks where I'm like, oh, I hung out with Reba. But I'm like, actually we didn't spend like actual quality time.

hanging out or like doing a plan. just like walked around each other in the apartment and like talked, but that's not like always quality time. So I think it's like also making sure that you're making quality time with the roommate outside of just living together. agree. Should we tell them about our favorite pastime? Love Island. Summer House. Summer House. Another great show. I think finding shows to watch together, like cooking together, I think that's all good things to do.

Josh Felgoise (32:15.288)

but making time for the roommates outside of just living together. We're just hanging out. mean, we don't have to speak. We can just be on the phone, vibing, and then I send you something and it's funny, and then you send me something and it's funny, even though we're two feet away from each other. Literally sitting like this. Yeah, I mean, that's the same thing too. I think that's all good advice. So you're leaving me to live with your girlfriend. Yes. What are you most excited about living with her? I'm most excited that I'm going to be able to spend more time with her.

That's going be awesome because we've been living or dating long distance ever since we started, which is pretty crazy. Can you talk about that? So we met down the shore and she went to a different school than I did, but we would make time. I would drive to her school. She would drive to my school during COVID. Since classes were online, it was a bit easier, but we've never been really that like in the same vicinity. How have you kept your relationship alive over six years?

being long distance for six years. So we definitely make an effort. Obviously I text her all the time. I hope she says the same. see. We FaceTime. I call her a lot. If I'm just going for a walk or if I'm heading to work or heading home, I just call her say what's up. We do something called Netflix party, which means that it's this extension on Netflix that you can watch the same thing and chat on the same time and we're synced up. So we're watching the exact same time.

With each other so that's a good little yeah, that's a good tip tip and otherwise just making time for each other I go see her a lot she come see me a lot and we just make the most of time we have together Do you have any other tips for people in a long-distance relationship? Just be attentive and Make time to see each other. I mean even though we were long distance I would probably see her every two to three weeks right she would either come see me I would see her so seeing each other definitely talking about the days

I sent her, I should send her some flowers. I sent her some flowers, but she would say she wants more flowers. And I guess we can dive into a little bit of my dating life. So every year I give her a calendar with pictures of what we did through the past year. That's very cute. So in January, sent, like she has January photos, February, February photos, and there's a special day of the month that's gift day.

Josh Felgoise (34:40.558)

I sound like such a wiener. boy. No, but like, look, everybody has their things in a relationship, especially in a long, you have to keep it, like it's, you've been long distance for such a long time. It makes sense that you have to find things that are maybe different than somebody who's living.

a 10 minute walk from there. point is for her to look forward to something and she says like, what could it be? What could it be? That's great. And then like we talk about it. actually think that's a really good long distance tip. And it's not like big things. It's minor things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Small stuff. Like Amazon. Like Amazon or Chick-fil-A gift card or massage or something like that. I think that's a great tip, honestly. I didn't even know that. Thank you for sharing with the class. You're welcome, class.

What's up? What else? mean, I'm pretty, I'm a master. I'm a master at it. Come on. I genuinely, I'm curious as to how you have done long distance for so long. We've talked about it before. Obviously it's not just me. It's her too. It's a two-sided relationship. So if she wasn't as invested or she wasn't invested and it wouldn't work out. So it's definitely two sides. It's the whole relationship. Even if you try your best, if your partner isn't about the wrong long distance relationship, then it's not likely to succeed. So it's a two way street.

What have you learned about yourself in a relationship? That I'm a fantastic boyfriend. what? I'm not even, I'm not even being like that. I'm told by random strangers how great of a... What have you learned about relationships? We can cut that part out. I'm, I'm just going on to the next question. Okay. repeat the question. What have you learned about like relationships or how you act in relationships? So this is my first ever relationship. Yeah.

This is the only thing I can't really compare to anything. Yeah, but I love being in relationship. I think it's awesome to have someone to talk to whenever like you want. Obviously I can talk to you and my friends. Yeah, but I think it's a little bit different relationship. Girlfriend to friend and it's just someone that's nice. You can lean on and also someone that relies and depends on you as well. I think that's nice to have that responsibility. Right. She asked me for advice what to do, what to eat.

Josh Felgoise (36:57.55)

The biggest relationship that is the biggest relationship question problem what to eat yeah always I think I've Learned that if I want something that I'm gonna stick to it. I love being a relationship with Michelle I love her she's fantastic and I put in the work to keep this relationship It's been super hard being long distance. Yeah, and all of that, but I've been committed to it I've missed some events with my friends right in school. I would miss

some parties or some fun things. And she's never asked me to leave, but I wanted to go see her because that's what I wanted to do. And so just being fully invested in something and wanting something, I will give my all to it. How do you manage that in your head? Do you get overwhelmed by, I actually have a question for you later, where I'm doing a Dear Guy set with you, where I'm going to ask you questions that people have written in. Similar to Dear Evan Hansen? No. I've never seen the show.

How do you manage that in your head like how do you manage? Friendships versus relationship and having to sacrifice things very tricky and I'm sure I've sacrificed things and I definitely could have done it better But yeah, it is what it is and I continue to try and get better as I possibly can Yeah, but I'm looking at my girlfriend, but I think it's hard for every relationship. Yes I agree is relatively chill. So if there's something that I'm super passionate about I really want to do example go golfing with my friends

She'll let me do that. Right, right. Even, and then I'll go see her afterwards or something like that. Right. But just making time for both is tricky. Do you just have to pick and choose? Is this really something I want to spend my time on? Is this something I want to spend my time on? And also just think about myself. What do I want to do? Because if I'm not happy doing something, then no one's going to want to be around me. Totally. Is there any advice you can give to somebody in a first time relationship? First time relationship advice.

Definitely get to know the person as best as you can. Well, hopefully. Well, I don't know. Okay. Okay. But yeah, they could be in a just a fuck. Well, no. Okay. Well, I mean, you've been in a relationship for a long time. Yes. You have to have some wise things to say to a guy. partner is interested in. Okay. That's great advice. If you are interested in what? Well, obviously. If you're interested or

Josh Felgoise (39:19.086)

Try and be interested in what your partner's interested in. They're gonna love that correct. I've learned that diamond painting is a thing. Okay, I Watch Love Island. Mm-hmm, and I've watched so many reality TV shows, but I guess now I personally just like them correct You've been indoctrinated. I've been indoctrinated. Yeah, exactly but I think that's really good advice find what I think find what they like and become interested in it or at least try to become interested in it because

That's way to get to know somebody better and showing that you care about their interests is one of the best ways to show somebody you care. 100%. I'll give you another example. She really likes fruit tarts. So I've tried to bake the best possible fruit tart. That's very sweet. What other what other relationship advice do you have? And you can take a second and think about it. I'm actually I'm genuinely curious. Yes. Well, I hope you're genuinely curious. You're not just milking me for the views. You hear that listeners?

what else? think it's really just putting the effort, making the time, making sure you're in the right Jesus, right relationship. Yeah. Because you can just be in a relationship just to be in a relationship. Correct. But if it's not the right one, you're wasting your own time. You're wasting, your, partner's time. So just making sure you're in it because you want to be in it. Right. And not because like you think you should be think you should be, or because you think this is like the right thing for you right now.

you're of an age that you're supposed to be in relationship and like you're trying to fit, say like a round, wait, square hole in a round peg, whatever it is. I think you're right. You know what I mean. You know what I mean. Okay. Any other advice you have for, I don't know, guys in their 20s, somebody younger moving for the first time, like any of that advice? Share whatever you have, all the insights. Lots of good insights.

Definitely spend as much time as you can with your friends. I mean, you're never gonna have this time again. Yeah, because I think when we're getting older Start getting married kids. We're old. We are old. We're old I realizing that like the first time we were old, you know, she recently found a gray hair. I know Michelle found a gray hair on you. Yes. Where in my hair? And I got I got nice dark hair You had a gray hair. I had a gray hair. We're old old

Josh Felgoise (41:43.352)

Well, I think like the time after college, think college is its own separate thing. And then like the first year after college still kind of feels like college. Yes. And then the next year you're transitioning into like the real world. And I feel like now we're getting into the transition where like most of our friends have either moved once or twice have started to find a new job or are in their second job.

or moving in with girlfriends. I have a lot of friends moving in with girlfriends. have another thing that pops up in my head. That's something I struggle with. I don't do well, but I'm trying to do better. Is about relationships you're saying? No, just advice. Okay. We live in New York, so we're very close to the people that live in New York with us. Yeah. But I do not follow up or not as much as I should with people that aren't New York. Philly. Yeah. Yeah. I have a good friend in DC, Virginia area or Miami. So

I feel like in your young twenties, definitely make sure you're still in contact with your buddies that aren't in your surrounding vicinity because they're still your great buddies. You love hanging out with them and definitely make an effort to go see them or go on a trip with them. Yeah. I think that's a commonality for like so many guys. Yeah. I think in general, but especially in your early twenties, but guys aren't good at following up. terrible. Like I think that's a generalization that everybody would agree with. Go ahead. I have another light bulb.

You asked for relationship advice. Jump around. I just thought of something. Okay, good. If someone tells you something juicy, ask a couple questions. Okay. Because I tell my girlfriend something juicy and she says, why or what about this? I have no answers to those follow up questions. Right. Because I don't ask. I ask nothing. I say, wow, that's pretty interesting. And then I relay the information and then she's like, why didn't Johnny do this or?

Why are they moving there? And I said, I don't know. And she likes to know, she likes to know the information. So dig deeper. But I think that's a broader piece of advice about everything, all relationships dig deep, but also like in terms of your friendships, like if you were talking about, you said this was a separate thing, but I think it's actually the same concept is that like when you're trying to stay in touch with people, I think it's really easy to be like, cool, or that's nice. You're like great to hear. And you don't follow up or ask you on autopilot.

Josh Felgoise (44:02.626)

Or I mean you're busy in your day you're at work and a lot of our days are Wake up either go to the gym or go right to work Then you want to go to the gym then you make food and you like try and do something or watch TV and then you go to bed Yep, exactly. Like do you think that's a pretty accurate? That's literally my day today, correct And I think in there it's hard to find times to either like catch up with somebody you haven't talked to in a while Yep, text a friend out of the blue saying hi that you don't talk to all the time

And like make time. It's hard to make time for yourself as it is. It's hard to make time for anybody else as well. Like, so I think both of those things are true. So I think like the advice of digging deeper in most conversations or with all of your friendships, relationships is, is good. I agree. But I also think that going back to what we were talking about before that guys are not great at following up or keeping in touch with friends. Have you gotten better at it are you still working on it? I'm still working on it. Cause obviously we all love our buddies, no matter where they are. But it's just about.

putting that little bit extra effort or just remembering. Because we all like, we all want to know what's going on, but it's just putting in that. Nobody reaches out. Exactly. It's kind of funny that like everybody wants to, but nobody does. And I think most guys listening right now will resonate with exactly what we're saying. Be like, yeah, I would love to know what Josh is up to or Reid is up to, but like, I'd love to. just don't. Just don't do it. Yeah. Right. But like we all care about what's going on. It's just, we just don't click that send button.

something is not on our mind or I guess it is on our mind, but it's just we just don't do it. Yeah. Right. And again, like the day gets in the way and then that day becomes Tuesday becomes Wednesday, because snowball effect. And then it's like, should I was supposed to text him a month ago? And I didn't. Mm hmm. I guess my advice on that would be and I've talked about this before, but like truck, like there's so many moments in the day where we have a break from work and that like we're spending that break.

slipping through TikTok or Instagram or I don't know even like when you're like in the bathroom like we're on our phone everybody's always on their phone you didn't mention my favorite what YouTube shorts YouTube shorts I'm gonna get a lot of hate for this you are gonna get hate for that YouTube shorts like I have a couple other friends who love YouTube shorts okay shout out Kenny but like I just think there's moments like that where if you can be like shit let me get off TikTok and text a friend I haven't texted in a while or

Josh Felgoise (46:27.342)

call somebody for like seven minutes. think that's enough time to get enough out of them and feel like you actually caught up with them. Seven minutes is plenty of time. You agree, right? Yeah. I don't know why you're laughing. All right. We are going to do anything else to say before we go into the Dear Guy. Let's go to Dear Guy set. Okay. We are doing this is the first time I'm doing this with a guest. Yes.

Dear guys, so it's a segment that I do you don't know you don't you don't listen to my podcast. I don't listen to your podcast So I do this I try and do it like once a month once once in a while where I bring in listener questions Okay, people write these in they email them did they DM me some of them are from online that I found that I want your take on Okay, so these are centered toward like your interests. I might have answered them before as well, but I want your take on

Okay, and just going back. Yes, I do not listen to the podcast, but it's not because there's not helpful advice. There's a ton of great helpful advice. It's because you hear it because I hear it and I listen to a lot of poker podcasts. Okay. We can continue. But your room is also like we're moving out in a minute. My room is probably what? 10 feet from the recording studio. Your room is, is in front of my studio. Yeah. Which is our couch, which is our living room.

Are you gonna miss the studio? At our kitchen, I am. It's a great casting couch. It is. I mean, I like the brick wall. I think it adds a good effect. I think I can do it from anywhere and I have done it from anywhere, but I will, like this is where I started it. I will miss it. All right. Well, maybe one day come back here for the thousandth episode. My kids will be like, get the fuck out of our apartment. We do not pay them. Yeah. Yeah. Anyone will take money, but I will miss like, I will miss this apartment. I love it. Like I think. It's a great apartment.

When we first tour this apartment, I toured 10 places in a day and this was by far the best place we saw. And I think it was a great place for us to live. I have another thing going back to roommate grievances. Okay. We're not doing grievances, but sure. this is a twing on myself. Twing? When you were touring apartments and you're moving in with a roommate, you should definitely all be there together. Now, yes, I was somewhere not in New York and

Josh Felgoise (48:47.977)

I regret not being there, even though they picked out a great apartment. I think it should be a group thing and a group effort. I agree. That's a good piece of advice. Okay. Um, onto the dear guy sets. Yes. These are the things I want your advice on. I will give my opinion if I need to, but dear guy set with Reed, is this a rapid fire? Uh, sure. You, mean, as much as you need to like give the answer. I've been on three dates with this girl, but I don't know if I'm invested. Should I go on another date?

And is this from a listener? Yeah. So if you're thinking about going on another date, you must feel semi-interested in to the girl or guy. I forget what the pronouns were. This is a guy. What the girl is. So I would at least recommend going on one more date, really putting in your best effort, doing something that's super awesome. And if you're still not feeling it, then you cut it off, but give it one more shot. Okay. What are some nice things I can do for my girlfriend?

Well, it depends on what your girlfriend likes. For example, if she likes massages, you could do a couple's massage or just give her a massage. I think she'd really like that. Okay. Wait, I'm not done. And he's laughing at my suggestions. like a little, yeah, it wasn't expecting it. Okay. I can give others take her out to a nice meal. That's always nice or go, uh, watch her favorite show together or cook her a meal. think, uh, people really like that.

besides that just maybe just have a conversation with her. Be like, what's up? I just wanted to talk with you, see how you are. I like people really appreciate that. And one more flowers, girls love flowers. Great. My girlfriend is mad at me, but I don't think I did anything wrong. And I know I didn't do anything wrong. What should I do? I've been in this position many times. We've all been in this position many times. You're speaking, you're preaching to the choir.

It's just part of being in a relationship. Yeah. So I would sit down with your significant other and really listen to her and get her side of the story. Cause maybe you miss something and maybe you're potentially wrong. You're saying before you say your part, ask for correct. Ask for her part first. Yeah. Have her talk as much as she wants, uh, to really express herself. And then I'm sure she'll make great points. And when she's done, then you tell your side of the story. And this is how I feel. I'm sorry. feel like this. And then.

Josh Felgoise (51:16.152)

just for next time, learn from it so you can avoid it. What if it gets to a point where like you're just not seeing eye to eye and she's like, no, I'm right, you're wrong? Then you can, if it's truly big, then you could potentially, this is something I actually don't like, but it could be for other relationships, get a third party opinion. It depends if it's a personal matter or if it's not, so it depends on the topic. If you're really not seeing eye to eye and if it's not something huge, you can just agree to disagree and move on.

Are you is that what you would like recommend it depends on the topic? feel like it's really topic dependent. Yeah, super personal if it's not super personal not that Let's say it's like not that deep if it's not that deep and we cannot see eye to eye even after talking a couple of times Then I would and it's not that big of a deal. I would just drop it and move on. Okay, I Always feel like I'm struggling to make time for my friends and girlfriend. What should I do? So this is some advice

that I'm giving that I do not follow, just prefacing that. I would be organized and create a schedule. Say that this weekend I'm going to hang out with my girlfriend or on Friday I'm going to hang out with my girlfriend. And then on Saturday, I'm going to hang out with my friends. Yeah. Just map it out. And so you're playing equal or if on one weekend you can spend some more time with your friends or some more time with your girlfriend, I would map it out and plan. So then you're spending time with everyone you want to. Okay.

Josh Felgoise (52:46.062)

It's not an ice bucket challenge. How do I ask for a raise? I never asked for a raise because I left, but I can give insight in that I negotiated my salary for my next role. Okay. I think that could be good. They gave me an offer. That's great. I was kind of happy with it, but if I was going to leave, I wanted a certain number and they needed to reach that number. So I talked to the recruiter who was the person helping me through this process. I showed her what the market value for someone with my skill level is.

so that I really like to be here, I'm really interested, but I would need to be paid this certain amount because I think that's the value of someone, my experience and skillset. And we negotiated for a couple of days and at the end, we were able to come to terms with something that we were both really happy with. So you advocated for yourself. I advocated for myself. I showed her the skill set, the unique skill set that they'd be adding and how much value I'd be bringing to the company. Great.

It feels like I can't do anything to impress my boss at work. Is there anything I can do? Is this on or off the record? This is literally on the record. Okay. That's an incredibly inappropriate joke to impress my boss. I really enjoy and think the most beneficial aspect is having one-on-one conversation with your boss. Say, what are your plans for me? What are the goals?

And how can I not only hit those goals, but how can I exceed those goals? I want to be a high performer. I want to add as much value as I can to you. And I want to grow my own skillset. How can I do this? And show me, show me the way. Last question for you, Reid. How do I stop getting pissed off at my coworker? Good question. So every single coworker really dynamic is different. I mean, some of them are my boys. Some of them are my.

buddies and some of them are my acquaintances slash coworkers. And yes, some of my coworkers did piss me off, but it depends on how often I'm interacting with this coworker. If I'm interacting them sparsely, then it's okay. They can piss me off once a month or once every couple of weeks. It's not a big deal. But if I'm interacting with them every day, I probably have a conversation with them.

Josh Felgoise (55:04.61)

this makes me uncomfortable. I don't really like these types of jokes or can we talk about another subject? I just talk to them. We're all adults and then we move on. I actually think that's really good advice to just be like, all right, we're all too old for this shit right now. Like, can you cut it? Like, and just actually having a real conversation with them, I think is really good advice. I I have gray hair. You have crazy amount of nose hair. You got to trim that shit.

Well, that is all I have for you, Reed. Thank you for coming on the podcast. Do you have any last words? Any other advice you want to share? Any other tips you want to share for guys in their 20s or anybody listening right now? So there's this really slept on website that I love to get advice on. It's called the Core Digest. If you're unfamiliar with Reed's first episode, which most of you probably are again, episode 13, I don't know how the hell we got there.

I don't know what I asked you, it ended up being a very fun episode. We talked about roommate grievances. And what you liked versus what I liked and what we disliked about each other and all that shit. was actually really funny. And I don't know why you brought up Quora, but you did. I don't know why either. It comes up on my email all the time. Do you have a fun fact to share with the class? So it actually has some good topics. My HR manager asked me to resign. When I refused, he handed me a termination letter.

How should I continue? Another example is, I just got fired. Now my former boss is asking me to come back. What would you do? Should I read it? No.

Josh Felgoise (56:44.846)

Do you have any other tips, advice, things to with other guys? Well, there's this cool one about Magneto versus zombies. I share it. And it's gone. Well, you did your best. Well, if you're super curious, go on Quora and search up Magneto zombies. I'm sponsored. Not sponsored. Not sponsored. Any other advice? I feel like we hit it all. We did. I look forward to being back in 2027, 2028. I'll have you on in two years again.

And Josh is too modest, but I'm going to say this. He's recently gone on the Apple podcast, best new podcast. I'm butchering this. It's not best. It's just new shows, I do appreciate you jotting that out. Thank He's being modest and he's recently had thousands of viewers for each single episode. So all of you here, you're in the beginning. I got him on. You want to say hi? Of something. Oh, here he is. Here he is. The third roommate.

You want to say hi? Hey guys. it actually hears you very well from here. Do you do you have any thing you want to say about us all parting ways?

Period end of sentence. All right. Thank you for coming on. Yes, but Josh is being super modest He's killing in the podcast game killing the tick-tock game. You guys are here What? Thanks guys are at the beginning He's blowing up and if you see him on the street ask him for his incredibly sexy roommate Don Jordan

All right. Bye. That is the episode. Thank you so much for listening to guys set a guy's guide to what should be talked about. If you liked the episode, I really hope you did. Please like subscribe and give the podcast five stars and leave review. That's one, two, three, four, five stars, not four, not three, not two, not it's five stars. Thank you so much. And I really, really appreciate that. If you have any way to talk about that, should we talked about four guys in their twenties? Send it to my DMS. It's at the guy set T H E G U I S E T on Instagram, tick tock, all social media platforms or guys set podcast Instagram, G U I S E T P O D K. No shit.

Josh Felgoise (58:49.57)

podcast on Instagram or to my email josh at guys that.com j o s h at gu i s e t.com and I will be sure to talk about it. You can also head over to my website guyset.com gu i s e t.com and there's a box right there. You can leave questions. It goes right to my email. All those the same place. Always anonymous. Of course, you can also subscribe to my weekly newsletter on sub stack by going to my website guyset.com and checking out newsletter right there or going directly to sub stack. can find it right there.

And there will be a newsletter that comes to your inbox every single Friday with so much more content. Thank you so much. Listen to guys set a guy's guide to what should be talked about. And I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.