The Ego of Weightlifting

This week I wanted to talk to you about the embarrassment I felt going into the gym last year and not knowing what to do at all. Like I, when I stepped into the gym a year ago, I had no fucking clue how anything worked, what any machine was, how any of the equipment worked.

I just like did not know where to start at all when it came to go into the gym. I knew I wanted to go to the gym. I wanted I've always wanted to be fitter than I had been and I wanted to get bigger as mostly every single guy does I think and I just wanted to like find a way to do all of that. But I had no idea where to start or how to do any of it. So for about six months when I started going to the gym

I kind of just stayed in like the corner near the like, I think they're called like ellipticals or stair steppers and just did like ab workouts or like mat floor workouts with like, would bring over like a couple pairs of dumbbells, maybe 20, 25 pounds, 30, if I was feeling crazy and do workouts from like the Peloton app I had on my phone and do like a 20 to 30 minute workout more like hit kind of training.

And that was it because I had no idea what else to do. I was super, super intimidated by everything else I saw at the gym. Like I looked into the other corners or the other big areas and everybody else was much bigger than me. Everybody else looked like they knew what they were doing. And I felt so intimidated by everybody else I saw at the gym. Every other guy was bigger than me knew what they were doing or at least looked like they knew what they were doing.

had some sort of routine they didn't have to like look at their phone to do and I felt like kind of a sort of a sense of shame about the fact that I did not know what to do and I feel like that has to be a feeling that a lot of other guys have felt or are currently feeling and I can't be the only one to have experienced that because there's no

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Like there's no class in all of this. There's no way to learn unless you go out of your way to learn this type of stuff. And for some reason, like it's just a idea that guys know how all of that works. Like you just slip into the gym and you magically know like what every machine does, how to work everything, what muscle groups that machine works for, what days you're supposed to do chest and back and buys and tries and legs and flags. And like you're supposed to just know.

everything and I didn't know any of it and I just had no idea where to start and I had this belief in my head that I was already supposed to know how everything works and as I said this like shame that I already didn't. So I want to talk to you today about all of that because that is about a year ago from where I am now. It was around May of last year.

when I decided, which is like literally almost a year from a year ago from now, when I decided that like I really wanted to get bigger, like I wasn't seeing the results from what I was doing. I didn't feel like the routine I had developed was like really doing that much for me. And I don't know. I just I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. And I thought it was time to like just start learning and kind of putting my ego aside and

What I did was I asked one of the trainers at the gym. I like, was just like, Hey, would you like write out a workout plan for me? Like I just went up to one of them and got into a conversation. I was like, I honestly have no idea really what to do or how to start. And that was like the first big thing I did. Like I just kind of admitted that I did not know what the fuck I was doing. And they were so chill. They were just like, yeah, of course. Like here, let's have a seat. And he kind of asked me like,

what my goals are, what I wanted to do. He asked me questions of like, are you bulking or are you, I don't know the other word he said, like smoking. Like, I don't know if I can know. And I was like, I don't know what I'm doing. I just, and I don't even know what the words are that you just said. Like, I just want to know where to start. Like, I don't know any of it. So, and I said it in like a nicer way, obviously. I was just like, I was kind of embarrassed about it. I was just like, I don't know where to start. Like, if you could write me something to do for legs, something to do with my arms. And he wrote me a four or five day split that had

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five or six exercises on each day. And he was like, start here. And if you're consistent with all of this, you'll see results in three to six months. Like if you're consistent with this, you keep up with this and you go up and wait when you feel confident enough with the moves and with the movements and with the machines and the equipment, then this is the perfect place to start and you will see improvements and you will see progress. So I was like, okay, that is the perfect.

place to start. And then I thought to myself, like, I looked at the sheet of things that he wrote out for me. And I was like, I only know what like half of these moves are. Like, I don't even know what half this shit is. So I kind of like walked around the gym. And what I looking back, what I would have done is I would have asked him or any of the people there for like a tour of the gym or a tour of this space that I was in, and asked them like, how everything works.

and what each machine or what each like thing does for what function. And I think that would have helped me so much if I had like put my ego aside a little bit earlier and just said to myself like, don't know what all this is and just admitted it to somebody else and be like, Hey, can you just show me around? Like that's one of their jobs. That's what they're there to do. They want to help you. They want you to feel confident at the place you're going every single day.

And they would have been like, yes, I've seen them do it for other people. I've seen them walk people around and show them what each station is. And I'm sure they would get much more in depth if you requested it or if you asked. I just didn't. So what I did was I turned to YouTube like everybody else does. And I just started watching videos of the moves. Like I would go in and Google the move that he told me and watch a YouTube video of it to just see how that shit worked because I had no idea what I was doing.

And how else are you supposed to learn then YouTube? No, like how else are you supposed to learn then by like Googling it or asking somebody or like finding out that information, seeking out that information yourself. So that's what I did. And that is how I started. And I hope first and foremost that it makes you feel better if you're listening right now and you like have no idea where to start or you've been pushing off the start of it because of

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that intimidation or the shame of feeling like you're supposed to already know or that belief because like we're guys. I'm, was a 23 year old guy at that time. Like I was supposed to know, right? Like, no, how was I supposed to know unless somebody told me how to do it all. Or I sought that out myself. There is no other way to know. And I don't know why that belief is ingrained in all of us as guys that we are just supposed to know how everything works. And we're supposed to

go to the gym and get bigger and like we're just supposed to do all of that. Like I don't really know why that is a thing or how that came to be, but it is. And that belief didn't come from nowhere. It didn't come from thin air that I believed that about myself and felt that shame about it. So I know that there are other people out there that are feeling that same way. And I just think that there is no other way to move through it than like admitting that you have no idea where to start.

and being like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and start there with admitting that to yourself. And honestly, that held me back for longer than I just told you in beginning. was like that held me back for like six months. It was probably like a year and a half where I was doing a bunch of other like random things because I didn't like I couldn't let my ego or the, you know, embarrassment of the fact I didn't know what to do go. I couldn't let that go.

And it probably took me a year and a half to to start and to admit that to myself and ask for help, like ask somebody for advice. And I hope if you're in that position that like this pushes you or gives you that sense of like, OK, someone else is on that. I can do that, too. And I also think like that year and a half time of staying in the corner of the gym and staying in that like space that I got comfortable in.

was good for me at first. Like that was good for me to be able to find a way to do something consistently and create like a really healthy habit of or a healthy practice of like going every single day, going five or six days a week before work or after work and getting comfortable with even just going to the gym. Like I think that is also a really great place to start. So if you are somebody that

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doesn't know where to start. think it's okay to start in that like corner where you find a space that you feel comfortable to start in the first place. And then I got to a place where I was like, all right, I've done this for long enough. I've built up the confidence in coming here and going and putting myself in a position where I was uncomfortable in the first place. Now I am ready for that next step. So I think it's okay to start there, but you don't have to stay there forever.

And I always said to myself when I started going to the gym, you have to start somewhere to get anywhere. You might've heard me say that on here before and it has kind of become a motto for myself. I say to myself all the time, you have to start somewhere to get anywhere, especially with something you're super uncomfortable with something you feel shame around or embarrassment around. And that for me was going to the gym and that for me was lifting, lifting weights, chest press, like

pull ups. I have so many different moves that I had never done before and was so embarrassed or felt like a shame about starting and I hadn't done before and I just kept pushing it off the longer, longer and longer and the longer you push it off, the more that builds up in your head and the more you are in your own head about all of it and you have to start somewhere to get anywhere. So I stood by the machines

And I watched the YouTube videos before I did it and I tried and I just put myself in the position to learn and to get better and to grow and that was the easiest way to do it. It was the quickest way to learn. It was the best way to do it. And the next day I did the same and the next day I did the same and then again and again and again until I got comfortable with all of the equipment at the gym until I got comfortable enough.

to put down the note. I went home after he wrote that up and I took a picture of what he wrote for me and every day at the gym I would I would look at that picture. I favorited it and I would go to my favorites in my phone, scroll up and click on that picture and I would hold it with every machine and it was like, okay, so was 12 curls times three. So 12 three sets of 12 curls. And then the next thing was 12 sets of three Arnold press.

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What the fuck is an Arnold press YouTube? So I'd go to YouTube and learned that it was an Arnold Schwarzenegger like move that he trademarked or they just call it that because he always used to do it. That's beside the point. But it's a move like this. I just did it. I don't know why I just did it. But. And then the next move was a chest not chest press. The next move was push ups and I knew how to do those but I couldn't get to the number that was on the sheet. So.

Or I couldn't do it three times over, so it was like 15 sets of three. And I was able to do maybe 10 at first, and then I took it on the knees and I got rid of my ego around all of it because you have to start somewhere to get anywhere. And now I'm at a place where I can do that, like confidently, and I feel great about myself, but it took a long time to get there. And I think we have this notion that it's supposed to happen overnight or we're supposed to just know how to do all of this shit. And it takes

that like letting go of your ego and your, I don't know, like belief that you are better than where you're at right now to learn. So it took those times of me standing next to the machines, watching YouTube videos of these guys working out on YouTube and showing me how to do the moves to learn. And it was a, it was for about probably

three months where I would have that sheet maybe longer probably three to four months where I had that sheet up on my phone every day next to me at the gym until I memorized the moves and the patterns and what I was going to do next and until I felt confident and in the beginning as I said about the push-ups like I took easier variations of the ones that I'd never done before or had been afraid to do like the pull-up machine

So instead of just going like straight up for the pull-up machine, like raw dog that without knowing what I was doing and barely could do one push-up, I went to the machine that gave you the leg support pull-up machine and used a heavier weight. And then I decreased that weight. And then I, so I started at like, I don't know, 65 or whatever it is and tried to do five pull, five pull-ups times three. So five, three sets of five pull-ups. can't get there. Every time I say it, three sets of five, five pull-ups with the extra weight added.

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And then the following week I would try and go up a weight. So I would do 45 with three sets of five, and then I would go to 35 and then I would go to, and then I got to a place where I was comfortable with 25 or 15 or 10. And then finally, maybe six months later, I built up the confidence to be like, I want to try and do pull-ups without the assistance. Like, I feel like I got this, I'm ready. And I did 10 pull-ups in a row. And it was, I'm telling you, one of the biggest accomplishments I've ever felt, like I felt so fucking successful in that moment.

And it was because of the months of work I had put in to get there. And it was the months of letting go of my ego or the notion that I was supposed to know all of this or supposed to be stronger than I was in the moment. And I built up that confidence. And that's why I felt so successful is because I built up to that and I was and I stuck consistent and I stayed consistent with that. Even though there were other people at the gym behind me doing a hundred pull ups.

looking bigger, looking stronger, looking more confident. I just kind of had to realize that I was on my own kind of journey with this and there was no other way through and there was no other way to. There was no other way to get there without this kind of process. And that wasn't really until recently that I started doing the pull-ups without the leg assist. And it really is so fucking crazy what consistency can do for you. Like, you will be shocked with

what putting in the work and the consistency will do for you and how much more confident you will feel after that. And that was an entire year, honestly. Like that's the only reason I've come back on here to talk about the gym again, because I did an episode like this early, early on about how I was so not confident about it. And I remember somebody talking to about it and they're like, they kind of thought the episode was funny.

And they were like, well, like that. And I was like, okay, you definitely feel the same way. Like I know you do because everybody must feel this way. Like there's no other way to start. that year routine and consistency is no joke. Like that is not, that that's nothing to be, that's nothing that anybody could take away from me. Like that amount of work that I put in cannot be taken away from me. And that's a confidence that's, that gets ingrained in you because it's your work and no one can take that hard work away from you.

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And I let my embarrassment of being seen trying and the fear of failure and the shame of not already knowing what to do or how to do fall by the wayside. And that let me do all of this. By letting my embarrassment of being seen trying and the fear of failure that I carried with me for so long and the shame around

not knowing what to do or already knowing what to do by letting all of those things wash away and letting them go. I now feel so much more confident. And those are the things you have to do to get to where you want to go. Like you just have to let all of that stuff go to the side. You have to quiet that noise in your head that like, I'm embarrassed. I am going to fail at this. Like when I try and do this chest press with

by the way, a little amount of weight that like the next guy over has so much more weight on. I am at failure. I'm trying my best and I'm at failure at like eight reps and that guy has 80 pounds of plates on both sides and I have 25 on both sides. that embarrassment, that fear of failure.

is hard to overcome and the only way to overcome it is by doing it and by showing yourself that you can do it. And those are the three things that inhibited me for so long. They inhibited me from starting for so long. The shame of not knowing how to do this. The idea that I was already supposed to know how to do this. At the point I and the fear of fail, I guess that's three or four, whatever it was. The fear of failure and the embarrassment I felt about all of this.

At this point, I was a 23 year old guy and I was already supposed to know how to do all of this, right? Like, what I learned in all of this is like, if you don't know how to do any of this, so fucking what? Why does that matter? Like, why are we held to this standard that we hold ourselves to this? Why do we hold ourselves to this standard that like, we have to be like, like men, like we have to be like so tough and so...

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nonchalant about not knowing what to do. Like we are so afraid of asking for advice or asking for help. And all of those things that were holding me back weren't getting me any further. I was still in the corner of the gym doing the same things I was doing day after day, week after week, month after month that I was seeing no progress in. And they were keeping me in the same place. So letting that all go and trusting the process of starting where I was and believing that with consistency,

I could get to a place where I wanted to get to and a place where I felt so much more confident was the biggest motivation for me. And that is honestly what took me out of the corner of the gym and into the weight section that I was so afraid of for so long. The Josh one year ago at the gym would not recognize the Josh walking around the gym now. And that's not to say that I'm walking around like a fucking douchebag with like my chest pressed up and I'm just like, no, like I am.

still like not one of the not nearly one of the biggest people at the gym like I'm not that big in general like that's not I'm not here to be like that's not the point of this episode is to be like I'm so sick like I have gotten so big like that fuck all y'all no that's not the point so far from what I'm trying to say here is that like what I mean by the Josh a year ago at the gym would not recognize the Josh now is because

me today, the Josh now, is trying all of the things and doing all of the things consistently that I was so afraid of, or so nervous about, or so embarrassed to try. And the Josh today is going over to the cable machine and looking like he knows what he's doing. But six months ago, he had no fucking clue what he was doing. Like, no idea. I'm sorry, I'll stop talking in third person. But

I had no idea what I was doing six months ago. So the fact that I can see like the other day I was thinking about all of this when I when I got the idea to do this episode and I was thinking about me in the corner and how much I wanted to be the other guy at the gym who knew what he was doing or looked like he knew what he was doing or looked

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confident in what he was doing the amount I wanted to be that guy and How envious I was of everybody else when I was there is also one of the reasons that I started doing it but I felt kind of like sad for that guy like I wanted to go over there and tell him like And this is imaginary. Of course, like I hope you're sticking with me because it sounds like kind of crazy if like I hope you're sticking with me I want to go over there and tell him like it's okay like

It's okay not to know what you're gonna do. It's okay not to know what to do. Just go try. Nobody else gives a fuck about it. Like, nobody else cares what you're doing. Nobody else is going to judge you. And it's like, nobody's paying attention to you. So, go try. Go ask one of the trainers what to do. Google a routine online what to do. And just start. Like, you have to start anywhere to get where you want to go. You have to start somewhere to get where you want to go.

And I want to go over there and shake him and be like, it is going to be okay. Just try. There's no harm in it. In a year from now, you are going to be like everybody else you are jealous of and envious of and want to be like right now. Like you are going to look back at yourself and think all of these things. And it was a really cool and I don't know, full circle moment for me about how far I've come and about how far

you can get in one year. You always hear people say that. You always hear people say how far you can get with a year of consistency and with a year of believing in yourself. And I've never had that type of realization out. This is probably the biggest realization I've had about that. And I look to that guy who was in the corner and think about how he did it and how he stopped.

fearing all of those things and just started to believe in himself or one day at least decided to be delusional enough to think you know what I'm gonna go try and I'm gonna be confident one day and he did it through a year of trying he did it a year of trying and a year of believing that if he put his ego aside and just started he'd get there and he would blend in with the rest of them and

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still now nobody was going to pay attention to him. We as guys or boys are taught to believe that we're supposed to just know how it works, how everything is done, how we're supposed to do it, that it's embarrassing or shameful to not already know, that as a guy when you go to the gym, you just know how it works, you can do it all by yourself. And when I finally admitted to myself that I didn't, I asked someone for advice,

everything changed for me. Everything. Not even just like the gym, but the amount of confidence I feel in myself, not even just like the progress I saw. Like that is honestly like a byproduct of all of this. Honestly, like the confidence I now feel in my abilities, in my mentality, in the way I think about myself and the way I think about everybody else has

changed dramatically in this past year because I started lifting weights and because I started trying. And by the way, like I still do not know how everything works. Like I still see some guys or people do movements or something on a machine that I don't know and still kind of like fear or have that fear of trying because I don't know what I'm doing. I don't want to look like an idiot and

What I'll do in those moments is like, I'm not above watching somebody else do a moment movement like or a fucking I don't have another word for it. Whatever. I'm not above watching somebody like do something not in like a creepy way, of course, but like see how they do it and then trying to move and seeing if I like it. And if I do add it into my routine, like these are the ways that we learn how to do anything by emulating somebody else, by watching somebody who's already done something, by taking inspiration from other people like

actually just yesterday I watched somebody do this move at the cable station, which I did not know it was called the cable station until yesterday. And I literally, I was going to come on here and say like the, the, the cable mover, like I don't even know what I was going to say, but I walked around the machine and looked for the name on it, like to be able to articulate it correctly. And it's a move for your triceps, I believe, or one of them. And I see people do it all the time.

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And it's when you take like just the you don't add the cable to the pulley guy and you just take the wire and you pull it across you. I'm not explaining that well, but I just came on here and said I want to talk to you. Well, I don't know what fuck I'm saying, but I watched this guy do it and I watched other guys do it every time I've been at that machine. And I'm just like, I don't know what the fuck that is or what that does. So like, I'm not going to try it. I'm just going to avoid it. But yesterday I was like, fuck it. I'm going to try and

It was really hard and I think I'm going to try and do it again next week. And I started out by the way with like 10 pounds on the weight and then I tried with 15 and like that got a little heavy. So I went back to the 10 and I tried 20 and like I just tried and I'm now at a place where I'm not so embarrassed to try but there's still movements or things that I don't know what to do. Like there's there's always going to be that I feel it in my forearms. I don't even know why. So I don't know if can do it again but my forearms are sore today from that. So

I just think it's the only way to learn and don't be afraid to admit when you don't know something. Like, I think that's what holds so many of us back from starting or from trying is asking for advice or asking for help. And admitting that I didn't know what the hell I was doing was the only way for me to start. And if I hadn't

I would probably still be in that corner and I wouldn't be at a place where I am now where I feel so much more confident in myself and happier as a result of it. Like I feel so much happier because of all of this. So if that's you in the corner right now, not knowing what to do, not knowing where to start, know that there was somebody else in that corner with you for a year and a half.

Probably longer it keeps extending every time I talk about it because at first it said six months and I was like, Let's not lie to them. Like that's why we lying and it was at least a year and a half of that from when I moved into New York to last year, so probably like almost two years of it like and There's somebody in that corner with you and It's okay to not know what the fuck you're doing Like it just is and we're not told that enough like we're just not

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told enough that it's okay to not know what the fuck you're doing. When you feel like you want to start, whenever that day comes that you have had enough of keeping yourself in the shadows, I sound like Batman, but like keeping yourself in like the shadows of the rest of the world, the gym in that scenario, when you felt like you had enough of that and that day comes and that kind of spark comes, act on it because your world is going to change from there on.

That is the episode. Thank you so much. Listen to guys set a guy's guide to what should be talked about. I'm Josh. I'm 24 years old and I'm here every single Tuesday to talk about what should be talked about for guys in their 20s. If you like this episode, I really hope you did. Please like subscribe. Give this podcast five stars. Leave a review. That's one, two, three, four, five stars, not four, not three, not two, not one. It's five stars. Thank you so much for doing that. I really appreciate that. If you have something you me to talk about that should be talked about for guys in their 20s.

Send it to my DMS. It's at the guy set T H E G U Y S E T on Instagram or to my email, Josh at guyset.com J O S H at G U Y S E T.com. And I will be sure to talk about it. You can also check out my website guyset.com for so much more. The latest edition of the magazine that comes out today. So you can see that on the website right now. And you can check out so many other blog posts on there. I have a sub stack. You can check out. It's just same guy set. you can find, I do blog posts every single week.

on kind of every topic I talk about. So that's dating and relationships, it's career and success, health and fitness like this episode. I talk about wellness and health and appearance and confidence and insecurity. And those are all of the topics that I talk about every single week on there and on here as well, of course. Thank you so much for listening to guys set a guy's guide to what should be talked about. And I will see you guys next Tuesday. See you guys.